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For as long as he could remember, Rudo's hands were in a constant state of pain.
His hands had always hurt. That wasn't anything new. When he was younger, before Regto had given him his gloves, even mundane tasks like carrying things, pushing, and holding brought him excruciating pain.
After his father had given him the gloves, it seemed to subside, for the most part. Doing things became ten times easier. And Rudo was happy. At least, for a while.
He found that the pain never really went away, no matter what he did.
Of course the gloves helped, but they didn't entirely erase it. There would always be a dull ache passing through him.
On some days, the ache felt almost none existent, so much so that the pain was minimal enough not to be noticable.
And others, Rudo would pass out from the horrific intensity of it, unable to get any form of medicine.
On those days, the really bad ones, Regto would hold him. Hold him tightly, and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He would get a bucket of hot water from the tap, even though god knew they couldn't afford even a single drop of it, dip a cloth in it, and wrap Rudo's shaking hands as gently as he could.
The more he thought about it, the more Rudo was convinced that it wasn't the cloth that made him feel better.
Thinking back on those times made him smile, as bittersweet as it felt now.
But regardless of his feelings on the matter, there was one thing he couldn't ignore.
Regto wasn't here anymore.
Regto would never be here again.
And so he feared, feared the day that his hands would be impossible to bare once again, and he would have no one to hold him through it.
And when he woke up today, Rudo knew that day had come.
From the moment that he opened his eyes, he was hit with that same, all too familiar feeling.
The feeling of hot, searing pain, inescapable and untreatable. His only thought,
Fuck.
He was part of the Janitors now. He couldn't afford to have sick days. He had to work, work as hard as he could so he could prove to all those bastards that he was innocent.
Work so the man that held him ever so gently could finally rest in peace.
But that seemed like a lot to ask, considering the current circumstances.
Currently, Rudo was laying in bed, or, maybe the more accurate term was pushing himself against the bed, writhing in pain. The sweat had pooled onto his pillowcase by now, turning it into a dirty, wet mess that he had his face pressed up against. That didn't bother him too much. When he lived his whole life in a dump, what was a little sweat?
No. The current, and more important issue, was that he was supposed to go on a mission today. He wasn't sure what time it was exactly, but he couldn't help but get nervous about the whole thing. The others were expecting him to show up, after all. And if he didn't, they would search for him. And if they searched, they'd find him..like this.
And the worst part was, he couldn't do a single thing about it.
The pain would shoot through his body like an electric current any time he even dared to flinch, let alone move. All he could do was stay stuck in place, and wait for anything to happen.
And soon enough, it did.
He wasn't sure how long he had been stuck in bed, but it was apperantly long enough that the distinct sound of footsteps could be heard along the hallway that led into his room.
The footsteps were heavy and carried a certain assuredness with them. It definitely wasn't Riyou, or Zanka.
So that meant that the only person it could've been was..
"Hey, brat. If you overslept, Zanka's gonna kill y-you.."
Engine.
Rudo noted that his usual confident tone seemed to slip through at the end.
And then, there was silence.
And Rudo fucking hated it.
He could practically feel Engine's gaze burning through him, and god if it didn't make him embarrassed as fuck.
He was supposed to be strong, wasn't he.?
Engine approached, slowly, those footsteps seeming all the more hesitant. But even so, Rudo just continued grinding his teeth, and heaving through the sharpness. It was too much for him to focus on anything else.
So when a hand placed itself on his forearm, turning it a million times worse, he couldn't do anything to stop it but scream.
"fUCK-!"
The sensation of contact with his arms was unbearable, enough so that tears pooled at his tired eyes. As soon as his voice spoke out, the hand touching him snapped back, almost as if it had been burned.
"Shit- What's wrong? Rudo- what's happening?"
Shudders passed through him, as he exhaled into his soggy pillow. He wanted to answer, he really did. But the pain was all blinding, too much to even think straight, but not enough so that he would pass out.
God, why couldn't he just fucking pass out already?
His vision was somewhat blurry, but good enough that he could see Engine crouching beside the bed, so that Rudo could now see his face. Engine's expression was uncharacteristically concerned, a hand stuck mid air looking like it didn't know what to do.
Rudo didn't know what to do either.
All he could do was put his all into a single explanation.
"..h-hands-"
A puzzled expression took place on Engine's face, and Rudo could see the small twitches of the arm still in the air, almost as if it wanted to do something, but it wasn't sure what.
"Hands..your hands hurt?"
He nodded, if you could call that a nod. It was more likely him burrowing harder into his pillow. And for a while, Engine stayed quiet, as the only sounds echoing throughout the room were those of Rudo's own raspy, pain filled breaths.
The silence was somewhat nice, if not a little awkward. But any form of sound made his head throb harder, so he supposed it wasn't all bad.
That's why he wasn't particularly thrilled when Engine started speaking again.
"Okay. I'll go get you some painkillers, think you can manage on your own a bit?"
Pain..what?
What the hell was Engine talking about.?
But his confusion went unnoticed. As soon as he spoke, Engine stood up, and left the room with hurried, heavy footsteps.
And once again, Rudo was alone.
He knew that Engine would come back. He had to.
But some small, cowardly part of him, thought that if Engine thought he was weak, and if he left him there on empty promises, Rudo wouldn't blame him.
He didn't have much time to ponder. Soon enough, Engine had come back, once again crouching beside him. This time though, his hands didn't hover, unsure. On one, he held two small, white disks, and on the other, a glass of water.
Rudo was confused.
But he didn't say anything. Engine knew more than him, after all. Maybe this was some sort of custom down here, or..something.
This time, Engine must've noticed his hesitant expression. He delivered back with one of his own, looking at Rudo straight into his tear filled eyes.
"It's..medicine. It'll make you feel better. Have you never.."
Oh.
That's right.
He had medicine now.
Was that how medicine looked?
He didn't have to just sit around and endure it.
And wow, wasn't that strange.?
"C'mon. You have to sit up."
Rudo flinched.
No, he couldn't. He couldn't sit up. He couldn't move. Moving hurt, and he was already in so much pain.
He couldn't stop the tears dripping down his face, as much as he tried. The embarrassment was a terrible feeling, but much less worse than the stinging coming up his too sore shoulders.
"It's just this, I promise. You just have to sit up so you can drink this, and you're done, alright?"
Right. Right, Engine promised it would be alright. It had to be.
He nodded.
Soon enough, he felt firm hands placing themselves under his armpits, and all he could do was brace himself for the pain.
And then, his whole body caught on fire.
The pain was all blinding, not even contained to his arms anymore. It travelled all the way up from his spine onto his head, as his vision blacked out. It was impossible to process anything around him, as it consumed him whole.
Even he didn't expect the bloody scream that tore from his sore throat.
But as soon as it had started, it ended. And all he was left with was a dull throbbing all throughout, his vision slowly returning back to normal.
As shapes started to form back up again, and Engine's form became clearer and clearer, it was undeniable that the older man looked shocked, even.. horrified.
It was an uncharacteristically serious expression for someone like Engine to wear, one looking almost wrong on his usually carefree face.
Rudo felt disgusting.
A slimy, panting mess, he wasn't sure if the liquid dripping down his face was sweat, tears, or snot. At this point, he was too tired to care.
His hands sat limp in his lap, once in a while an involuntary twitch causing a small jolt that shot up his spine.
"You did good. Just have to take this. Can you open your mouth?"
The best response he could muster was a vague hum, though in his haze he wasn't sure if Engine had even heard it. Regardless, Rudo opened his dry mouth, allowing the two tablets to be placed inside.
Ugh, bitter.
Engine proceeded to bring the cup up to his crusted lips, before tilting slowly.
"Swallow them, 'kay?"
He did, just barely managing not to gag at the bitter taste. And then..
Nothing.
Had Engine lied to him? No, he wouldn't. But the pain hadn't gone away. It was still there, bubbling obnoxiously beneath the surface of his skin.
Why hadn't the pain gone away?
"Relax, kid. It takes a while to work."
Oh.
Engine's head titled, almost as if he was deep in thought. Then, before Rudo could even flinch, his hand came up, ever so gently moving his sweaty bangs out of his eyes.
"You look like shit."
Great.
Well, it was good to know that deep down, it was still the same Engine taking care of him, he guessed.
Rudo observed silently, as Engine's gaze drifted downward, finally settling on his twitching palms. They were covered by his gloves, so the full extent of the scars couldn't be seen.
Had Engine ever seen his scars.?
He wasn't sure, now that he was thinking about it.
He jolted, feeling the lightest pressure placing itself on his hand. It was almost a graze, light enough to not cause much further pain.
Engine looked lost in thought, for a moment.
"Can I.?"
He didn't have the energy to argue.
And so, Engine, with a touch as light as a feather, made quick work of removing one of his gloves. Rudo supposed the medicine worked, because normally he'd probably be screaming right now. Fabric brushing up against his scars was usually incredibly painful, on days like these.
When the cold air hit his bare, sweaty skin, it almost felt good, in a way. But then he was quickly reminded how much more painful his scars became if he didn't wear his gloves. The medicine hadn't fully kicked in yet, he supposed.
He could hear Engine's breath hitch, and even if he wasn't looking at him directly, he could imagine the older's expression.
His skin looked black, almost dead, after all. It wasn't a happy sight. Rudo himself thought it was pretty gross.
"Rudo what..when did- we need to get you to a doctor, holy shit-"
"Th-they're sc-cars. I-it's just..always been like this, I-I guess."
Engine's face looked puzzled, as if he was doing mental calculations to figure Rudo's words out.
"Scars..do they..do they always hurt?"
He turned his head away. Facing Engine seemed almost impossible, right now. Facing him meant admitting he was weak, it meant that he had a vulnerability that he would never be able to get rid of.
"N-not always. It-it's only like this on r-really bad days. Um..when I got l-like this before R-my dad used to help me. B-but..yeah."
"Oh."
He never thought that he could get so nervous about this sort of thing. It wasn't that he was shamed of his scars, as ugly as they were. It was just that..what would Engine think?
Rudo had done his best to uphold his image here, after all. Admitting something personal like that..it was only due to the vulnerability of the situation.
"So..what helps? Other than pills, I guess."
Strange words, again.
"..Pills.?"
The baffled look on Engine's face was something that made him the tiniest bit ashamed.
"Y'know, medicine. Like the one you took. Have you seriously never taken a pill before.?"
Oh.
"We barely g-got by. Medicine was too expensive. But uh..my dad. He used to wrap a warm towel around my hands, and th-that helped. I'd usually j-just wait for it to go away."
Engine sighed, running a hand through his hair.
Had Rudo said something wrong.? He really wasn't sure. This whole interaction was too out of character, for both of them. He wasn't used to being so serious around Engine, so it felt a bit strange.
"Jeez.."
And suddenly, the energy in the room shifted, ina subtle way that he couldn't quite pinpoint down.
A loud sound echoed throughout the quiet room, making him flinch. On second glance, he found that it was Engine, bringing his hands together.
"Okay! Well, I'm gonna go get a towel. Be right back, kid."
Huh.?
As Engine exited the room, for a single, too long second, his hand pressed itself against Rudo's messy hair.
And then he was gone, once more.
By now, the medicine had started taking effect, and god, had he really gone all this time without it.?
He had never felt so good, so..painless. It was like a miracle, something that he would only be able to dream about in Heaven.
He was too busy relishing in the relief of the situation, to notice that Engine had come back, towel in hand. He only noticed when the older man walked into his bathroom, coming back with a bowl of water in hand.
He was smiling.
Smiling at him.
Engine sat on the side of the bed, placing the bowl of water on the floor, and dipping the towel in it. Rudo watched him in curious silence, and wondered.
Wondered why Engine would go to these lengths for him. Sure, getting him medicine was okay, he supposed. But going to all this effort, it confused him. He had a mission, right? Rudo was just holding him back.
Like he always did.
Sounds of water trickling down entered his ears, and his gaze snapped down to look at Engine's hands wringing the towel dry above the bowl.
"Can you take off the other one or do you need me to do it?"
The pain had settled a bit, now. Enough so that movement didn't hurt, as much as it did before, at least.
"I can do it."
He didn't want to risk doing it with his other hand, though. So, he brought the glove up to his mouth, biting at the fabric and pulling his hand away, gently sliding it out.
He then put his hands in his lap once again.
Being without his gloves in front of another person made him feel kind of vulnerable, in a way. But he also knew that he could trust Engine.
And so, Engine wrapped the warm towel around his aching hands, slowly and carefully.
And for a second, when Rudo glanced at him, he swore that he could see Regto staring back. But that quickly stopped with a blink of his eyes.
This was so familiar, yet so strangely different. The warmness engulfing him brought comfort, it reminded him of his days above, the days with Regto, with Chiwa. But more overwhelming, was the feeling of melancholy. Because he knew that those days were far gone, that his dad was gone.
Ah..
He was crying.
"Wh-What's wrong?! Did it make it worse?!"
Hah.
That's right.
Things weren't the same.
But..he had other people now.
He had Riyou, Zanka
Engine.
Engine didn't have to comfort him. He didn't have to stay here, or ask Rudo what made him feel better. He didn't have to move the hair from his eyes, or sit him up, or fuss over him.
Yet he did.
He wondered if Regto could see him now. Would he be proud?
"I'm just..happy."
Engine sighed.
"Ah, kid- don't give me a heart attack next time, yeah?"
Rudo groaned, as Engine ruffled his too messed up hair once more.
He'd never admit that secretly, he loved it.
The hand remained in his hair, still, yet comforting.
"You sure you're okay?"
For the first time today, he found himself smiling.
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Don't even say that. If you're ever in pain again tell me, okay? I'm responsible for you. Can't have you ditching us on missions, a genius like you."
Together, they burst into a fit of hushed giggles. He thought that this was nice.
It wasn't like before. But maybe..it didn't need to be.
"Well, since you're ditching, I guess I can't go either, can I? I mean, I have to take care of you, after all."
Rudo rolled his eyes.
"Yeah."
And everything was okay.
Not..perfect. He wasn't sure if it would ever be. The pain was still there, the ache burning underneath his skin.
But with Engine beside him, hand nestled deep into his messy hair, he thought that maybe it was just a little more bearable.