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He was supposed to be okay, now.
The problem with his magic had been fixed, now there was no bad effect from him doing his blood spells and using magic as normally as he used to.
This had been a very welcome development, and Lila had been really happy about it. Now Kell could teach her every little dark corner of everything he knew, and they could perform that magic together and get into the wildest of adventures.
Becase before there was always the issue of Kell not being able to, or Kell hurting, you know? It wasn't... good, it wasn't pleasant, and for some reason it wasn't the same without him. It was stupid - she'd always been the most independent alone of people, never waiting or anyone, but Kell... with him everything was different.
She found herself waiting for him, adapting what she did to him, hell sometimes even changing plans for his sake. What a fucking sap.
She didn't like to admit that she cared that much, fo course, often lashed out and left Kell behind, slightly scared about the intensity of her feelings. There had been a reason why she hadn't been that close to others, because they always betrayed you, or left you, made a hole in your heart. And Lila didn't need that, didn't ned them.
Being by herself was a shiled apart from being part of her personality, and it was hard to put it down. Hard to admit that she... that when he was around, she didn't want to be alone, and honeslty wished all of her adventures could be with him by his side. (Sap, what a fucking sap)
Not that she would ever admit this to him or even herself, ever. She would not.
She liked having Kell around, sure, they had their fun below deck, they had gone through some shit together, he was kinda adorable when he worried and even more when he listened to her orders on the ship. Like an excited red puppy, so happy to be out of that palace for once, ready for everything.
Kell was also one of the few people Lila considered to be at her level. Someone with power, someone with intelligence, someone with a curiosity too big for the whole world, someone with layers and layers and layers.
But it was all very... measured, you know? Of course it was. The great Delilah Bard did not get to feel butterflies when Kell winked his stupid blue eye, she did not sigh with longing and adoration watching him sleep (just him sleeping Bard, wow do you have a problem), eyes closed, red hair srawled every which way, tension finally having left his face... No. It was measured, she didn't care that much. She cared normally. She cared what she would for another memeber of his crew, you know?
No, that wasn't cutting it. Lila maybe have deluded herself once or twice in the past, but this was a bit too much. If some other member of her crew stumbled a bit and seemed dizzy she would roll her eyes, maybe make some little joke about how delicate they were. She would find it annoying and tell them to get over it. There was no time for such nonsense with her.
She'd grown on the streets, with just one eye, always escaaping the police... she had no patience, hell no care, for weaklings. If they could manage and do their job then that was what mattered to her. She wasn't heartless, but she'd neever been soft, either.
At least... at least until she met this stupid red prince. (A prince, of all people! She had to love and care for a prince, like some stupid romance novel protagonist) Because with Kell, well she was different. Couldn't hide that. She actually cared about him in a way that she didn't about anyone else. Crew or otherwise.
Any indication that he wasn't fine, as small as it may be, was cause for alarm. And it wasn't that he couldn't or wouldn't do his job. No, Kell was perfectly capable and perfectly willing. It hadn't occured to Lila, that, in spite of being part of the royal family and Rhy calling him his brother any chance he got, Kell had also been an employee of the royal family. One with a title, sure, but he was still a worker who had to do a job, sometimes in very dangerous places.
And he'd done it. For years. Kell knew how to work, and the cold (and from what she'd gathered, rather odd) nature of his relationship with Rhy's parents had prevented him from becoming some spoiled royal. Kell had isues with himself and with who and what he was, with his family, with his own world. He was not just some prince - it was all so much more complicated and turbulent and, honestly?
He was alowed to be a bit weaker and whinier than others. Someone who'd been through so much and yet remained as loyal as Kell was allowed to be dizzy every now and then.
But that didn't mean Lila liked it, or didn't worry. Because she did. She worried, and she didn't like it.
From the outside it wasn't much, didn't look like something serious.
Kell would occasionally grab the railing for support, stop in his tracks - once or twice his knees had even buckled a little, but after stopping for a bit and closing his eyes he'd regained balance. Maybe he'd puked a couple of times. Nothing novel or specially uncommon on a ship. It should not be something worrying.
And yet...
She worried.
It was stupid, and she would not worry if it happened to anyone else, but it was happening to Kell and she couldn't help but ponder about it - a lot. As he was holding onto her in their tiny bed after a long day (he was always the smaller spoon. He may be a great Antari but he could also be a soft young man who didn't want to be let go. Lila wondered even it was because he thought his parents had left him. She wondered a lot of things) she thought about what might be causing this and how to fix it.
He wasn't seasick, he'd adjusted surprisingly well to life at sea, and it would make no sense for him to evelop seasickness after months, out of nowhere. No, this was something else, and it wasn't that big a deal now, but what if it got worse?
BUt why would it get worse? She was being too exaggerated, Lila knew as she almost unconsciously stroked his cheekbone and put some red hair (he was growing it out. Lila hated how much she lloved it) behind his ear. She shouldn't worry. It was not that big of a deal.
Until it was.
They were just getong out of their quarters and going back up when Kell stopped. Lila put herself in front of him, asked what was wrong and Kell, blinking way too many times just mumbled:
"Don't fell... don't feel.... "
And then his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell on top of her, boneless, limp.
Not good. She was slapping his face to get some reaction, but to no avail.
"Kell, hey, hey! Wake up!"
And Lila was not someone who panicked. She was someone who managed, who faced every situation and came on top, who was confident and could overcome anything... but damn if that tightness in her chest didn't feel like panic.
She lay Kell down on the floor and knelt next to him, still calling his name, shaking him.
It took only a couple of minutes for Kell to wake u, but they felt eternal. Never ending.
Had Lila let whatever was wrong with Kell get worse by pretending that she didn't care? Had her denying her worry made irreparable damage? Fuck, Kell!
"why... am I... on the floor?" he asked, in a small and confused voice.
"You swooned. Like a delicate young lady hearing dreadful news."
Kell was looking around with eyes full of confusion, as if he was just seeing this place for the first time. Lila felt the worry eating her as she helped him up.
"We should have a physician look at you when we get back on land." She said, stern even though part of her just wanted to get him back on the bed and let her run her fingers through his hair forever.
"I'm fine." Kell said, because he always was.
"And I'm your captain, so you'll do as I say."
Kell drew a half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Aye, aye."
And Lila was still worried.
But that night... she decided she would do things differently.
She would overcome her stupid pride and toughness and she would let him know that she was worried, that she wanted to know what's wrong. Because she was being eaten alive by something as minimal as a guy being dizzy on a sip and this couldn't stand.
And so, when they were together at night, his head in her lap, her fingers on his hair, his eyes a million miles away.
"You have any idea why you fainted today? Why you're so dizzy?"
"Does it matter?"
Of course it did. It wouldn't if it was anyone else, but this was him.
"It does. I'm worried." There she admitted it.
Kell raised an eyebrow.
"About little old me?"
"You think I would worry about anyone else?"
Kell just nodded from his position on the bed as if saying "fair point". Lila sighed.
"Kell..."
"I'm fine. Really. Just been feeling a bit light headed. Probably should stop skipping meals."
"You've been skipping meals? Why?"
"I know there's not a lot of food to go around, thought the guys who are doing the morephysical stuff could use a bit more."
"So you stopped eating."
"Occasionally."
Lila rolled her eyes, but couldn't help a fond smile forming.
"How can someone so intelligent be so stupid?"
"Rude, Captain."
"You're going to eat again, all the meals, ok? Stop bieng an idiot. There's food. Maybe not a lot, but enough for all of us."
Kell nodded.
"I aplogise for ymy stupidity."
"As you should. If you'd passed out somewhere else, I... we're on a ship, Kell. The risk of falling and drowning is there."
Kell nodded again.
Lila went down on the bed, placed herself in front of him.
"Do not worry me like that again, you hear?"
Kell smiled, some of his hair obscuring his black eye.
"Is that an order from my Captain?"
"It's a Lila Bard cares about you and doesn't want you to be unwell mention. Stop making me feel feelings against my will, you dumb prince."
Kell's smile got bigger.
They shared a soft kiss.
Ok, so maybe she cared and maybe she worried.
Maybe she was not the uncaring fiend she'd once been.
Bu that was okay.
It would be all right.
If Kell was all right too.