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Chuuya was serving his second cup of Chateau Lafite Rothschild — because nothing was better than some good wine after a mission— when he heard his door opening. He quickly considered who could it be, who would dare to break into one of the Port Mafia’s executives apartments, and the answer came easily. Of course it’ll be him, it was always him.
The moment he heard the footsteps entering the living room he threw a knife at the “intruder”, knowing damn well that he was just going to dodge it and whine about it seconds later.
“How cruel chibi, I take the time to check on you and that’s how you receive me, I’m hurt”
He didn’t even need to look at him to know he was dramatically putting a hand in his chest, acting as if he was actually hurt, waiting for him to answer and to start a small argument, but he didn’t, feeling too tired to handle Dazai, instead he simply ignored him and continued drinking his wine.
There was a small silence before Dazai decided to sit on the couch in front of Chuuya, watching each other silently, both lost in thought.
The mafioso didn’t know what gave him the courage to talk, maybe it was him being a bit tipsy from the wine, or the emotional and physical exhaustion that he had from using corruption a few hours ago, maybe it was both, maybe it was neither, but whatever it was, he started.
“You’ve changed”
A small laugh escaped Dazai’s lips. “How so?”
“You seem more… relaxed, like a better person ” and maybe, just maybe Chuuya had let more emotion shown in his statement than what he intended to, but fuck it, if he was going to talk then he’ll let it all out. “Which, don’t get me wrong, makes total sense considering you are now one of the good guys, whatever that means”
The other only stared at him, as if waiting for him to continue, and so, he did.
“And that’s great , you now have a life purpose aside from committing suicide in a non-hurtful way” he let out a scoff “ wonderfull even , but I kinda expected a farewell that wasn’t a fucking bomb in my car”
The usual playfulness on the -now- detective’s face was gone, leaving only a serious look usually reserved to his more complicated missions, should he feel praised for achieving that?
“Are you mad?”
He laughed at the question, bitter and poisonous. “Don’t tell me leaving the Port Mafia made you stupid Dazai, of course I was mad, hurt even. You knew how I felt about betrayals, you saw my own family quite literally stab my back, and yet you decided to leave, just like that. I thought we had something, that we cared for each other, that we understood each other!”
“And we did, but at the moment Oda’s wish was the only thing that I could think of, and so I left. I understand if you ever hate me but-
“Hate you? Don’t get me wrong you waste of bandages, I can’t hate you for getting what you wanted , but I thought that I’ll be part of it . We were a duo, an unstoppable one, but suddenly we weren’t”
A part of Chuuya wanted to stop, knowing that he already said way more than what he wanted, but he also wanted to continue, to spit everything he felt at Osamu’s face, to let him know how much he had hurted him. He knew that they would never have the opportunity to talk about it again, they never talked about how they felt, even less now, considering they were essentially enemies, he also knew that Dazai was oddly quiet and receptive, not provoking him and letting them have a decent talk for once. Once again, fuck it, he’ll just say it.
“Everyone said that we were polar opposites, which is pretty accurate, but I thought that because of that same reason we understood each other better, that we were actually similar. A human that doesn’t feel like one, a fucking god-vessel that felt too human. It felt as if we were walking the same path, like we had the same wound and we were healing together, but suddenly mine was still black and bruised while your’s was perfectly fine. I thought that I had finally found someone to trust that wasn’t going to leave me” he scoffed right after finishing the phrase “funny how that turned out, don’t you think?”
“Chuuya-“
“No, don’t Chuuya me. You betrayed me! You left me, the only person who I thought would be by my side and not care that I was essentially a monster, the only person that I ever loved. The person I thought loved me back . But you know the worst part of it? I’m not mad at you for leaving, no, I’m mad that you left without saying anything, just leaving a bomb as a sign of our “hate” for each other, I’m hurt that you thought that my loyalty lied in Mori more than you.”
He didn’t even realize that he was crying, and he felt pathetic. He hadn’t cried when the Sheep members betrayed him, nor when Verlaine killed his new-found family in the mafia, yet there he was, crying because he had finally said that he was in fact not glad that Dazai left the mafia, that the wine he opened that day was not of celebration but of mourning.
Dazai looked straight at him, his soft eyes looking out of place in his face, slowly getting closer to him until they were next to each other, the detective using his sleeves to dry some of his tears before speaking. The small contact being enough to silence the voice of Arahabaki screaming pathetic at him, he hadn’t even realized it was there before it was silenced.
“I’m sorry, I truly am. And I know it sounds hypocritical of me to say it, bu t I did loved you, I just didn’t know and didn’t appreciate it before. Fuck it, since we are on this weirdly vulnerable moment I’ll admit it, Chuuya I regreted leaving you behind, but that day I acted on an impulse, I learned what pain and grief was and forgot about everything else but Oda. I left the bomb to keep you from following because I didn’t know what to do. And when I realized my mistake, it was too late.”
After that they both stayed quiet, processing the truths spoken and the implications behind them, a feeling of relief filling them both at being able to express what they felt years ago.
Suddenly the impulse of hugging Dazai appeared in the mafioso, and he decided that fuck it, he would go with it, if the other didn’t wanted it to he could just end the hug.
And so he did, wrapping his arms around his partner, feeling how the other tensed before relaxing and returning the hug, and it just felt right , to be there in each other’s arms once again.
Chuuya knew that one heart-to-heart conversation wasn’t enough to heal all the wounds and recover his trust, but he decided that maybe, and just maybe, it was worth trying.