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Sakura sighed, but a weak smile prevailed in her tired face. Sometimes, she would still catch herself crying in her bed at night, but once her eyes landed on the child soundly sleeping close to her, the pain became more bearable.
After what happened, she had all the right reasons to hate this kid. But nothing was her fault. And just maybe, she could be the one to take Sakura to a better place.
Eunchae was Sakura’s daughter, yes. But she was the result of a creature who forced itself on Sakura a few years ago. It wasn’t human. Not physically nor emotionally. It was a monster. And Sakura wondered what terrible thing she could’ve done in her past lives to deserve such a being in her life.
But Eunchae was completely different. She was kind. She was attentive. And most importantly, respectful. She was like an angel that came into Sakura’s life at her lowest moment. And Sakura loved her.
Soon after Eunchae was born, she moved to a faraway land where they would be alone, isolated from the rest of the world in their peaceful farm. A place where she could raise Eunchae without fear. There she wouldn’t need to worry about others prying on her life or judging Eunchae’s peculiarities.
It was clear her child wasn’t fully human. From her glowing yellow eyes with vertical pupils, to her sharp teeth and speedy tail, Sakura couldn’t hide it even if she wanted to. But what caught her the most by surprise was how fast she grew. Sakura knew that whatever creature Eunchae’s father was, it didn’t age like humans did; either living much longer or being fully immortal, Sakura wasn’t sure. But Sakura worried about how much time she had with Eunchae. At three years of life, she would be equivalent to a ten-year-old human in both appearance and intellect. Every month, every day, mattered so much. Sakura spent so much of her time trying to make meaningful memories with her daughter that she had less of it left to be haunted by those dark times.
She was grateful for it. At first, all she had in her mind was to get rid of her. But she changed her life. And what she lived for.
She was far from being at peace. But her days had become more peaceful as Eunchae began to reciprocate Sakura’s struggling and ever-so-growing love.
In a hot summer afternoon, Eunchae ran around their farm after a small rat. Sakura could only see her black tail wiggling in the middle of the green sea, bringing a soft chuckle to her mouth. But the sun would soon set down and they needed to eat dinner before Sakura could sleep.
Eunchae was a night creature. At first, Sakura was against it, forcefully putting the girl to sleep after the sun went down. But after catching Eunchae playing alone in the night with a smile so bright the moon seemed pale, she decided to let the girl follow her own natural instincts. Although she was prohibited from getting out of the house while Sakura was asleep. And sometimes, she would sacrifice a few nights of sleep to play with her daughter. Or Eunchae would willingly sleep with Sakura, right by her side. Those were happy nights. In contrast to the desolate ones where she cried herself to sleep curled in a ball. The bad times were becoming less and less frequent with Eunchae coming to her room every time she could hear a silent sob.
Sakura shook off the bad thoughts in her mind and looked for Eunchae’s wiggling tail. But what she found was her daughter with a rat in her mouth, irradiating happiness through her sun-like eyes.
“Eunchae!” Sakura yelled. “Come back! It’s time for dinner!”
Eunchae ran past the thick grass in between four-legged jumps. She beamed next to her mother, showing the prize she had gotten.
Sakura smiled and pulled the rat out of her mouth. She asked for Eunchae’s approval and patted her head. “That was a good hunt, darling.” But she lightly tapped her forehead right after. “But don’t go out putting dirty things in your mouth.”
Eunchae pouted in defiance, but ended up nodding, nonetheless.
“Let’s go?” Sakura asked.
Eunchae nodded again and looked at Sakura with glittering eyes. “Can I hold your hand, ma?”
“Of course, darling.” She held out her hand to Eunchae.
She wondered how much time she had before the kid outgrew her and she had to look up to meet her eyes. Sakura sighed. She hoped that time was far away.
Another year went by flying as Sakura and Eunchae grew older alone on the large farm.
Eunchae now had the appearance of a fifteen-year-old. She was also a lot quieter and sometimes even embarrassed to show affection to Sakura. With age, also came a little more maturity, she would always help Sakura with the house and the farm, being a lot faster and efficient than her human mother. Interestingly, Eunchae seemed a lot more human too. Her eyes were still golden, but she could retract her fangs back if she wanted to and could even hide her tail which would merge seamlessly with her back like was nothing more than a tattoo. However, it wasn’t as comfortable as staying in her true form, so Sakura advised her to be free as long as no one else was around.
One day, Eunchae was walking back to the house with a basket of fruits she had collected in the nearby forest when she saw a familiar cart coming down the path to their farm. Her smile grew wide, and she ran towards the house, letting a few fruits fall down in her way.
“Ma! Ma!” She yelled as she ran to Sakura who was lounging on the veranda with closed eyes.
The woman snapped her eyes open and fell on her back with Eunchae’s sudden loudness. She jumped back up to meet the girl. “Is everything alright!?” Her voice trembled at the thought of an intruder doing something bad to Eunchae.
“Yunjin is coming!” She jumped in excitement.
Sakura took a few seconds to digest the words and took a deep breath once she was sure her daughter was fine. She wasn’t even mad. She couldn’t be. All she had in her heart was relief.
“Is that so?” She smiled back at Eunchae who nodded so fast Sakura’s head hurt.
The girl left the basket on the wooden porch and raced down the farm, taking stops to call Sakura to come with her. Sakura chuckled and followed, although at a slower pace. Eunchae ran back and forth, nagging at Sakura to go faster. But her mother wouldn’t comply, after all she knew Yunjin was still far way, Sakura couldn’t even see her carriage in the distance. But Eunchae could, and now it was too late to change her mind.
Even with Sakura’s sluggish pace, they still had to wait for some time until the carriage appeared on the horizon. Eunchae, however, could see everything and couldn’t contain her excitement.
Once Yunjin finally arrived and the humble wooden carriage stopped by the entrance of the farm, Eunchae barely waited for her to get down to greet her. Sakura laughed at the scene before greeting Yunjin herself. She told the woman to get her carriage inside and invited her to have tea.
Eunchae kept asking about Yunjin’s trip. If she had seen anything new. Or if she had been on some magical excursion again. Of course, Yunjin entertained the girl, talking about an enchanted forest she went through on her way back, promising Eunchae to take her there one day. She jumped in ecstasy, asking Sakura to let her. But her mother only hummed.
Truth was, ever since Sakura was taken advantage of, she isolated herself from others. It was hard to be around many people and the slightest touch was enough to send her into a panic. But she had been getting better. Maybe some time soon she would be able to take Eunchae to the outside world. She deserved to. She needed to.
Eunchae went running on the front to set down Yunjin’s cart, and the other two were left alone strolling down to the wooden house.
“You can take your hood off,” Sakura said. “You’re safe here. You know that.”
Yunjin looked down with a soft smile and reddened cheeks. “It’s the force of habit.”
Once Yunjin took off her hood, her pointy pair of ears jiggled with the wind happy to be free. To Sakura her pointy ears made her even taller, which would normally mean she was intimidating, but her soft gaze was enough to settle down Sakura’s heart. She knew it was hard for Yunjin out there, as much as it was for Eunchae. And she was happy to give her a short time of peace. Without Yunjin, their life would be much harder. After all, she was the one who sold Sakura’s crops at the nearby village and brought her goods from her trips.
She would often exaggerate the stories to entertain Eunchae, but it was true that she wandered all over the land, from the most dangerous places to the most magical. Sakura took a deep sigh as she looked at the bright sun. One day, she told herself, one day she would step out of that land. But she hoped she wouldn’t need to too soon.
Once they were inside, Sakura brewed them tea as Eunchae kept bombarding Yunjin with the most ridiculous questions, but she always found a perfect answer after rounds of amused laughter.
Yunjin asked to spend the night, and so both of them went to sleep while Eunchae stayed wide awake, hopefully not breaking anything. Once they woke up, she was deep asleep. Sakura put her on her bed and tucked her in.
She and Yunjin had breakfast as the sun rose on the horizon.
“How are things going?” Sakura asked as she fidgeted with her hands.
Yunjin sighed. “Not good. The New King is taking over everything. One of the cities I loved going to the most was taken down to ashes.” Her voice trembled. “These lands are becoming more and more dangerous for our people.”
Sakura looked at her reflection on the mug. “I’m worried about you. They’re still far from us. I’m preparing to leave if they come, but you keep exposing yourself to them. I’m afraid you might not come back one day.”
Yunjin gave her a bitter smile. “That’s my work, Sakura. I can’t help it. Besides, I can’t just settle down in one place. It just doesn’t suit me.”
Sakura shook her head as she chuckled.
“But.” Yunjin’s expression became stern. “If one day I don’t come……… You need to take Eunchae and leave.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“They aren’t as far as you might think. I know…… I know leaving will be hard for you, but it’s for your own safety.”
Sakura looked at her eyes. “Tell me you will come back before that.”
“My tribe is going to a different land by the north. With the money you got from the last crop you can safely get a boat there and find a place for you and Eunchae to live.”
“Yunjin-”
“It’s peaceful there and she won’t need to be hidden from others. And… I believe there are people who can help you there. They’ll make things easier for you. They’ll understand.”
Sakura held her tears as Yunjin got up from her chair.
“I should take my leave.” She cleared her throat. “Tell Eunchae I left her a little present in the middle of the goods.”
“She’ll miss you a lot.”
Yunjin smiled as a tear ran down her face. “I’ll miss you both, too.”
When Yunjin approached Sakura, the woman flinched before she could rationalize a movement. The merchant gave her an apologetical gaze.
“I’m sorry, Sakura. But can I… hug you goodbye? Just this once?”
Sakura took a deep breath and moved a little closer to her, preparing for the touch. Yunjin moved her hands slowly, taking note of Sakura’s every move. The hug was distant and one sided, but it was full of warmth, Sakura’s skin didn’t prickle as if a thousand needles had rained on her body. It was so soft and gentle, she let herself fall in the embrace for a few seconds. When her throat became too tight and she was too drowned by the touch, she took a distance. Giving Yunjin a pair of glassy eyes and a broken smile.
Eunchae slopped towards them with a sleepy face, her eyes could barely open. Both women laughed at her.
“Is Yunjin already leaving?” she asked.
Yunjin walked to her and gave her a tight hug, lifting her off the ground and filling her with kisses.
“Yes, baby, I’m going.” She gulped down tears. “I’ll see you next time.”
Sakura’s eyes trailed down to Yunjin’s carriage until it disappeared on the horizon. You better come back, you bastard. Tears she could no longer hold blurred her vision as she drowned her sobs with her hand. Once she calmed herself, she looked back at Eunchae, who was sleeping upright while holding a blanket Yunjin had gifted her some time ago.
Sakura’s tears dried and she let out jagged laughs before tucking Eunchae on her bed.
A few months later, it was time once again.
Eunchae waited by the entrance of the farm the entire day, but Yunjin didn’t appear. Nor did she in the next and the next. Eunchae stayed by the wooden gates for an entire week.
She’ll appear! she’d yell at Sakura, and when she does, I need to be here to welcome her.
Sakura could barely sleep during that week. Waking up in the middle of the night to find Eunchae by the gate even with the soft rain. It rained in her heart too.
But Sakura couldn’t let her feelings lead them to doom. If The New King was looming close, that meant her farm and most importantly, Eunchae, was in danger. She spent the next week setting everything up. As Eunchae refused to move away from the gate, Sakura packed up their things and cleaned her old carriage. Counted the gold and silver she had been saving up. Made sure her horse was well enough for the trip. And gulped down the tears that would come whenever she remembered why she was doing all of that.
Sometimes, whenever she thought of leaving the farm by herself with Eunchae and the possible dangers that came with it, she would be paralyzed for hours, trembling in fear. Memories would flood her vision with tears. But she made through it. She needed to make sure she and Eunchae would be safe.
But when the day to leave finally came, her daughter wouldn’t move.
“Yunjin! We can’t leave without telling Yunjin! What if she comes and we aren’t here? What if she comes tomorrow?”
“We’ve waited enough already, Eunchae. We don’t have time.”
“But Yunjin-”
“Yunjin is gone!” Sakura’s yell echoed around the trees, even she was surprised by the loudness of her voice. She took a deep breath and asked Eunchae to caress her cheeks, drying her tears away. “Yunjin is a little star in the sky, Eunchae. She’s looking at us now, but we won’t be able to see her anymore.”
Eunchae drowned in her own tears.
“And if we don’t leave right now, we will be in serious danger and I can’t afford to lose you, you understand?” She dried a few of Eunchae’s tears. “I love you and I can’t lose you. And I’m doing this to protect you.”
Eunchae lowered her head.
“You know I can’t force you to come, Eunchae, so please. Don’t make this harder for both of us. Yunjin… would be sad.”
Eunchae cleaned her face as chugged down her tears.
“Can I you give me a hug, ma?”
“Of course, darling.”
Sakura reached to her with trembling hands and a soft smile. She put her arms around Eunchae with her heart beating so fast it might’ve ripped her chest. But for the first time, Eunchae pulled her closer and buried her face into Sakura’s awkward embrace. Sakura took a deep breath and enveloped Eunchae tighter, caressing the top of her head.
“Let’s go?”
Eunchae nodded still with her head tight against Sakura’s chest.
Sakura looked at the rising sun in the distance. She held Eunchae tight in her arms. And finally she took a step out of the wood gate, stepping outside the farm ever since she moved there. Her knees wobbled and she held onto Eunchae for stability. Her heart raced. Her breathing was hasty and shallow. But her mind was… free. She took one last breath and took Eunchae’s hand into hers.
She tucked the girl to sleep inside the cart and started riding. They would move nonstop. Sakura during the day and Eunchae during the night, only taking small stops to let the horse rest and to eat. Yunjin had made a map with all the dangerous places and Sakura estimated how much worse it had gotten.
As the sun rose, Sakura and Eunchae moved towards the northern lands with hopes for a brighter future.