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He wondered, for a moment, how this must have all looked like to her. And he was terrified – of course he was terrified; scared clean out of his mind – but still he couldn’t help but try and see things as she might. What was she thinking? Feeling? He sought nothing more than to understand how someone like her was able to function in the here and now; how someone like her could be so full of emptiness and lack.
Perhaps it was a futile effort. After all, he’d been proven wrong so many times over in the past. And as Doppo seemed to believe with his whole heart and soul, it appeared there was simply no way of reaching her or convincing her to change her ways.
But maybe he could at least learn to understand. Unlock something there and just… move forward. Because knowing could be progress too, couldn’t it? All he needed was to take that first step — just one — and maybe then he would start knowing what it was like to live without any regrets.
Things looked hopeless now, however. His jacket couldn’t save him now. Neither would his words. Nothing would, not after the thrashing they’d just been put through despite their best efforts.
Was this all that they amounted to, then?
How must they look to her now, to Keitoin Honobono, who stood over them triumphant and terrifying all at once? She was doom personified and for Hifumi who knew her about as well as he knew the back of his hand, he supposed he should have picked up on the hint long ago to leave well enough alone.
But he had never been too good at leaving things hanging. The Hifumi of today, he got the job done, no matter how hard it was to do so and no matter how long it took him. He’d just have to stay stubborn, wouldn’t he? As long as there was still breath to draw for another verse – for another chance to loudly proclaim his truth – then giving up just wasn’t going to be in the cards for this Izanami Hifumi.
So now, the picture. Things were hopeless, bleak, and once again they’d been reduced to useless things forced to wait for their savior’s arrival.
Here was Hifumi on the floor, his leg pointed at some odd angle and his speakers a dying light behind him. His suit was impossibly ruined, but it didn’t matter now. GIGOLO would not be of much use this time. She’d already proven as much without even trying.
And then there was Doppo – strong, sweet, reliable Doppo – so near yet so far out of reach. Hifumi willed himself to crawl closer, move, dammit!, drag himself across the floor if he had to; just grab his friend’s hand and soothe him; soothe him and tell him everything was going to be all right because there was Doppo just a ways in front of him, lying prone on his back and racing to breathe. He was in pain, so much pain, and Hifumi, he was fine besides his busted leg but he felt the clammy grip of fear in his chest squeeze tighter the more he had to see Doppo work so hard to stay conscious.
Doppo, his mind said. Just Doppo, Doppo, Doppo – please let him be all right!
“So weak,” Honobono said, taking her sweet, sweet time. “So fragile. So easily broken.”
She giggled, high and airy, as she looked down at the pair of them. Her face was positively beaming with unfettered delight; her tongue making a triumphant sweep across her razor-sharp blade of a smile; her demeanor like that of a snake savoring the last breaths of the prey wrapped tightly within its coils. She won and she knew it. They were both hers now for the taking.
Hifumi suppressed a shudder and tried his hardest not to give in to the shakes threatening to wrack his body again. His memories had him in a chokehold now, and it was taking all his efforts to not give in completely and become a shivering puddle of fear on the floor.
He focused on Doppo. Doppo, who was still breathing in front of him, although it was strained and heavy from the last blow that had caught him square in the chest.
“Oh, is he hurt?” she asked even though the answer was made quite plain in front of her eyes. “That’s too bad.”
“Don’t – don’t touch him!” Hifumi said.
“Poor Kannonzaka-kun. Poor Doppo-kun. I did tell him to get out of the way, didn’t I?” Honobono giggled again. “Didn’t I, Hifumi?”
She’d stopped moving just inches in front of Doppo and shifted her gaze to Hifumi. She was poised, waiting; a slick predator playing with her meal at this point. She was giving Hifumi time to reach Doppo, and Hifumi, desperate as anything now, cared no longer if he was falling into another trap as he moved closer and closer to his friend.
“Hi – Hifu – Hi – ”
Too weak to even say his name. Every movement was a tremendous effort for Doppo now; every breath taken was another stab through his lungs.
He reached him, finally, and Hifumi wasted no time in grabbing the hand clenching a helpless fist on the ground. “Doppo!” he said. “Please – try not to talk. Please. Please. I’m okay. I promise. Please, Doppo-chin.”
But Doppo, stubborn as anything, refused to listen. “Hifu – Hifumi.”
Hifumi brought his other hand to his mouth to keep his cry from coming out. Strong, he had to be strong now. Even if Doppo’s voice had sounded so thin and weak and almost like nothing at all… Strong. Hifumi would have to be strong now. Strong for Doppo who’d been strong for him for so long.
“This is what it all comes down to,” Honobono said, slow and seductive like she didn’t know it was possible to be anything else. “Your friendship, your bonds … I could crush them so easily, just like that. Right, Hifumi? I could crush them without even thinking and you would be ruined and mine.”
She laughed again, enjoying the severity of the moment while Hifumi tried his hardest to block her out and keep all of his attention on Doppo.
It was true. Everything she said was true. Honobono could crush them all so easily, like a snap, and she wouldn’t even need any help. Just her, alone, just like it’s always been even when Hifumi had been right there with her.
How must this all look to her? How must this look to someone who had never known and will never know what it was like to have a partner to completely trust and rely on? So empty, so vast, and so full of nothing… It was no wonder Hifumi got sucked in so completely by her. Hifumi, full of brightness and light once upon a time, only to have it snuffed out by one Keitoin Honobono.
Selfish. Honobono was selfish. So impossibly envious of that which she could not have; envious of partnerships and relationships beyond compare; envious of people like him and Doppo. And maybe she might have crushed them like it was nothing and maybe they both were still weak against her overwhelming one – but you would have to erase Hifumi first before you took him away from his Doppo. They were united now on the floor, bloodied and bruised, but at least they were together.
Looking into her eyes now, Hifumi knew that this, more than anything, was what sickened her the most. She had always been able to mask it with laughter and taunts, but jealousy was an ugly beast. There was no hiding the envy in a heart obsessed with itself.
“You… you won’t win, you know,” he said. “H – Honobono. You can’t… you won’t win.”
“What’s this? What’s this?” she said, now stooping down so that she might hear. Hifumi hadn’t realized how close she was to them and he recoiled from her with a whimper. His eyes were shut tight yet he was still holding on tightly to Doppo’s hand, and it was his simultaneous defiance and fear that made Honobono laugh out loud. “Poor Hifumi! Can’t even say my name without closing his eyes but he still thinks he can boss me around. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
And then, Doppo squeezed.
The force of the clench forced Hifumi to open his eyes, only to find Honobono stepping heavily down on Doppo’s chest.
“No!” he said. “St – stop it! You’re hurting him!”
But Honobono laughed and laughed and brought her foot down harder. Doppo, unable to move, was only able to flail his legs about uselessly and grip Hifumi’s hand tighter, tighter, tighter – the pain, now magnified, must have been unbearable, and Hifumi with his broken, useless leg could only plead with Honobono to stop.
“Please! Stop it!”
“Too easy. You’re both just too easy.” And slowly, ever so slowly, she eased the pressure off her foot. “So easy it makes me mad.”
Doppo heaved and wheezed, every new wave of breath bringing him fresh pain but he breathed anyhow. He blinked through the tears and made several attempts to get through to Hifumi. “Hifu – Hifu – Hifumi,” he managed. “S – ss – so – so – ”
“No,” Hifumi said, now also speaking through tears of his own. “Doppo, please don’t apologize. Please, I don’t want to hear it. This isn’t your fault, okay? So please! Don’t tell me you’re sorry! You’ll be fine, just fine! Sensei will be here any minute and then you’ll be all fixed up again! I promise!”
“N – ngh – not – not yours.”
Doppo coughed and whimpered, unable to say any more. But he didn’t let up on his hold on Hifumi and that was more than enough.
“P – please,” Hifumi said to Honobono. “Please, stop this. He doesn’t – doesn’t deserve this. Please. I’m begging you.”
She grinned again, large and proud, looking like she wanted to accept this. But she wanted to play some more, toy with him for far longer, and so she chose to draw the shame out of him even further. “Oh, Hifumi,” she said, her voice going right back to its seductive sweetness. “Are you throwing him away? Are you abandoning Kannonzaka-kun to stay with me?”
Hearing this, Doppo jerked wildly on the floor and once again struggled to speak. “Hifu – Hifumi,” he said. “N – no. No. Nonono – ”
“Hush, Doppo,” Hifumi said, low and soothing. It would do his friend no good to keep talking like this, not when everything brought him so much pain. “Doppo, please stop talking. You’ll hurt yourself.” Then, to Honobono: “I – ”
“F – fucking – I’ll kill you – I – haaah, I’ll kill y – aghhh!”
Honobono frowned down at Doppo, completely unmoved by the tears starting to form again in his eyes. “Quiet, Kannonzaka-kun. I can’t hear a word Hifumi is saying with you butting in like that.” She brought her foot down on his broken chest again. His wheezing had now dulled to harsh, rapid gasps, but even these weren’t enough to move the scowl from her face.
“S – stop it!” Hifumi said and only then did she dislodge her foot. “You’ve made your point. So please… stop this.”
“Oh, Hifumi. Poor, poor Hifumi,” she said. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of it all.”
Those words again, those false promises. He didn’t know if it was her voice that did it or what she’d said, or if it was Doppo’s tight grip on his hand – but here it was. Here was where it all came to a head for Hifumi.
“Yes, because – because it’s always been about you. Hasn’t it?” He looked up at her now, a new defiant glaze settling over his eyes. His heart was beating fast now, willing him to shutupshutup you’re only going to make her mad! – but he stood his ground, wanting to make sure she heard this. “You may have made your point. But you – you’ll never win. Not now, not ever. Not as long as we’re still here.”
He didn’t look like a threat to her, not Hifumi with a broken leg on the floor, his body half-draped now over his friend whose injury was keeping him out of this fight – but he would say it over and over again. As many times as he’d need to; not for her sake, but for his and his alone.
He had faith in himself. In Doppo, too. In Sensei and in Matenrou. In their bond and teamwork and their combined force so indestructible that not even broken bones would be enough to tear them apart from each other. She was wrong. She couldn’t crush what they had. There was no force in the world that could.
Unlike Honobono, Hifumi wasn’t alone. He drew strength from that – from them – and he let their love wash over this new version of him; this new, brave, strong version of him who could now muster the willpower to stand up to his fears without a hint of shame. He would not be running away this time, not anymore. For they had both been so strong for him already, many times over. They had always been there for him in his ugliest and lowest moments, wanting nothing more than to see him rise on his own power. Was it not time for him to do exactly that?
He gathered what strength he had left to drape himself over Doppo, forming a shield with his own body in time for Honobono’s next attack. Now out of options, she’d made a move for them again but ended up kicking at Hifumi’s back instead.
“Useless, pathetic, weakling!” Honobono was saying, her foot bearing down, down, down on Hifumi’s back. “I’ll show you! I’ll show you all – ”
Below him, Doppo started to shake with pain from all the coughs and harsh breaths that were being wrenched out of him now, but he was smiling, almost laughing, and his eyes were trained solid on Hifumi. His grip on Hifumi’s hand was still tight, still unbroken. He was drawing strength from him, too and well – Hifumi couldn’t very well turn away from that now, could he?
“S — See, Doppo, what’d I tell ya?” Hifumi giggled, high on the knowing smile on his friend’s face. “What’d I tell ya?”
It was then the doors burst open with a deafening crash to reveal their savior, tall and resplendent with such a commanding presence that even Hifumi was tempted to look down in reverence.
But he couldn’t. Not now. For who was he to reject the entrance of the man who would save them over and over again; the man known to all as Jinguji Jakurai; the man known to them as only –
“Sensei!”
“Hifumi-kun! Doppo-kun!”
“We’re okay! Go!”
And then he was alone with Doppo again, Honobono having no choice but to leave them be in order to take on Jakurai and his wrath.
“Doppo,” Hifumi said, moving with great pains to sit up and cradle his friend’s head in his lap.
Doppo blinked bleary eyes up at him and struggled to speak. “H – Hi – Hifu – ‘fumi,” he slurred.
“Ssh. It’s okay now, Doppo. We’re okay. Going to be just fine.” Gratitude and love consumed him like a wave striking the shores. Despite himself, Hifumi felt his eyes going soft and threatening to spill tears once again.
But he held it off, knowing that Doppo hated to see him cry. He grasped his friend’s face with one hand and moved to loosen his tie with the other. “Doppo,” he said, softly and closely for only him to hear; an intimate confession all on its own with all the adoration and gentleness he could draw from his heart.
“Doppo,” he whispered, grabbing one of his hands to hold tight.
“Doppo, Doppo,” he said again, over and over, giving in to the love until he felt the warmth filling the emptiness in his heart.