Chapter Text
Souda was no stranger to the occasional nightmare.
When you grow up in such an unstable environment it’s bound to happen. You never really feel safe, not even in sleep, and that manifests into nightmares of being kidnapped by aliens and the world endi--
…The latter was more of a premonition, really.
But that was all in the past. Souda was safe on Jabberwock, a place Kuzuryu often called their ‘tropical prison.’ But Souda didn't mind that fact. If they couldn’t leave, and by extension, no one could enter, it gave him a consistent place to heal among people he knew were safe. It gave him a home.
All of that to say, when Souda was woken one night by a thud thud thud on his window, he wasn’t sure if the nightmares had started up again or his illusion of a peaceful home had been shattered.
For a few moments, Souda stayed stock-still under his blanket. With his heart hammering, he tried to piece things together in his hazy mind.
‘This can’t be a nightmare, if it was I wouldn’t be smelling my own sweat. You can’t smell in dreams, right? You also can’t feel your own heartbeat. But who’d be throwing rocks at my window? Is my door broken, no that’s stupid, maybe it’s an emergency. Just grow a pair and look outside, Kaz, come on. Be a man.’
Souda took a deep breath. He reached blindly for his glasses, shimmied off the blanket, and turned. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness outside he was met with a shadowy figure. A halo of long, fluffy hair surrounded them.
“Komaeda?!”
Despite how thin the glass was, Souda was pretty sure the other man couldn’t hear him through the window. He hopped from the bed to hike it upwards. “Komaeda what the hell are you doing?! It’s-- …I don’t know the time, but it’s too early!”
“Three AM,” Komaeda replied perkily. “…Ah…my apologies Souda, I know you often sleep your entire day away but this is important. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Why didn’t you use the door?!”
“Oh, I tried that. You refused to open it so I had to try the window. If that hadn't worked, ha ,well I would have had to resort to other means...”
Souda prickled with annoyance, not interested in knowing Komaeda’s ‘other means.’ In fact, he wasn’t interested in anything Komaeda-related. The guy freaked him out frankly, and even if he had helped build his prosthetic (on Hinata’s encouragement.) he didn’t consider the two of them friends. Acquaintances, sure, but not friends.
“There was a reason you came here right?” Souda asked.
“Of course. I never would have bothered you with my presence otherwise!” Komaeda rubbed the back of his neck. “You see, this is about Hinata-kun. The two of us are neighbors, we share a cabin wall.”
The cold night air was making Souda shiver. He knew this wouldn’t be quick, so he reached for the jacket on the back of his desk chair. “Uh-huh.”
“Well, I’d just returned from taking Clover for her walk. If I walk her during the day she gets too hot, she has a lot of fur after all and I don’t want to ove—“
Komaeda often went on tangents about his service dog but now wasn’t the time. “Hinata. Remember ?” Souda asked.
“Ah yes! Count on filth like me to waste your time.” Komaeda smiled. “As I got inside I could hear noise in Hinata’s cabin. I thought it was odd considering the time of night, so I decided to check on him. He does keep his door unlocked in case of emergencies and considering the situation I let myself in.“
“What situation?! Is Hinata alright?” Souda asked.
“He did seem to be in distress. Of course I offered my assistance, and Clover’s, but he wasn’t interested. I asked if he’d had a panic attack and he told me no. Even though I’d heard him through the wall I accepted his answer and left.”
Panic rose in Souda’s chest, “How long ago was that?!”
“A few minutes. Of course, I’d understand if he didn’t want me there but I know he’s pretty fond of you. So I thought you would like to kno—“
“Thanks, Komaeda!” Souda slammed the window shut. The room fell silent as Komaeda’s mouth kept moving behind the glass. He blinked in realization before laughing, but Souda didn’t stick around to see the rest, he’d already left through the front door of his cabin.
Horrible scenarios were running through his mind; Hinata hyperventilating on the edge of his bed, banging his fists into the wall, unconscious on the floor all alone.
Alone. That was the thought that kept repeating in Souda’s mind.
Now that the two of them were so close there was no reason for Hinata to ever be suffering alone. But if Komaeda hadn’t gotten him, he never would have known about it. Hinata had been so open with him the past few months. He’d made such improvements, and relapses were bound to happen, but why hadn’t he called Souda? Showed up at his cabin? What was so bad that they couldn’t talk about it?
‘You’ve hidden things from him ,’ Souda rushed across the grass and the dew soaked his bare feet. ‘Don’t take it personally. Just try to help him, let him know you’re there.’
He took a breath.
‘Yeah…let him know he’s not alone.’
As Souda ran up the cabin steps he noticed the door was slightly cracked. In his haste, he slammed it into the adjacent wall. After taking a moment to survey the cabin he didn’t notice anything off, no obvious red flags; objects scattered or holes in the wall. Then he saw light pouring out from the bathroom’s entrance.
He approached hesitantly. “…Hinata?” His voice came out strained, “It’s me.”
Hinata stared wide-eyed into the mirror. Under the fluorescent lights, his tanned skin looked sickly; much too cool-toned. Sweat dripped down his face.
Souda was unsure what to do. Touching him might be too much of a shock and he had no idea how to begin a conversation. After another few moments, he took a step behind Hinata to stare into the mirror. Souda’s face was visible over his shoulder, his pink hair knotted from sleep.
“I’m here,” he croaked. “It’s okay.”
Hinata’s eyes shifted to look at him.
“I’ll help you… if you want that, anything you want. I’m here for you.”
The buzz of the fluorescents filled the room. Seconds ticked by, then a minute, and Hinata remained unflinching. His knuckles had gone white where they gripped the sink. “Nightmare.” He finally croaked out, “I don’t—it was them. I…c-can’t…”
Souda understood immediately. It wasn’t the first time Hinata had been tormented by the memory of those Hopes Peak bastards, haunted by all of the inhumane experiments they’d done to him. It was hard to comprehend, even for Souda, so he couldn’t imagine the agony Hinata felt…the constant lingering memory of that trauma.
Souda placed a gentle hand on Hinata’s bicep. When he got no reaction from him, he began to move his hand in soothing circles.
“You’re safe here, we wouldn’t let anyone get ya’...” he debated trying to lighten the mood. That was always his go-to in these situations. “Owari would probably kick their heads off, unless Kuzuryu got to ‘em first; can’t even imagine what that little guy would do. We…all gotta look out for each other, right? That’s what you always tell us, Hinata.”
Hinata’s eyes widened at the sound of his name. ‘Dissociation.’ Souda guessed. It was something he had struggled with ever since the aftermath of the killing game.
"You’re Hinata. Hajime Hinata.” He continued, fingers sinking into the muscle of the other man’s arm. “You’ve done more than enough to prove that. You don’t need to worry about convincing any of us of—…”
Souda trailed off.
Something in Hinata had changed. As if a switch had been flipped, the tension flooded from his back. The strain of his muscle loosened under Souda’s fingers as he pulled back from the sink and turned around. Any semblance of emotion was wiped from Hinata’s face; eyebrows melting into a straight line, jaw settling.
His eyes met Souda’s and lingered there for a long while.
“Kazuichi Souda.” The voice wasn’t Hinata’s. It was monotone, lacking the gentle edge it always carried. “We’ve never formally met…”
Souda made a small squeak in the back of his throat.
‘What the hell?! ’ He thought. ‘Hinata wouldn’t be joking at a time like this. Was someone controlling him? That was impossible. But there was no other explanation, he’d never acted like this before!’
He racked his brains for an answer. It was possible that Hinata could be having a flashback, he’d been having dreams about the Kamukura project after all—
The realization hit Souda suddenly.
He turned back to his friend. Hinata was still staring as if waiting for a reply. The silence stretched on for another few moments until Souda managed to speak. Halfway through the word, he laughed nervously.
“…Ka-…Kamukura?”
Hinata nodded and Souda didn’t know what to do.
‘Kamukura is inside of Hinata?! They were supposed to merge. It couldn’t actually be him, could it? If it is him could he be dangerous? Life has been so good, the last thing we needed was a new threat. It’s supposed to be over!’
Souda gripped the half wall separating the shower from the toilet. Suddenly he felt faint. Kamukura looked characteristically unfazed, however, just scanning the bathroom. His green eye passed over Souda. Souda stared back.
Thin, white scars still criss-crossed Kamukura’s arms. Freckles dotted his bronzed skin. Laugh lines shown faintly on the corners of his mouth.
‘It’s still Hinata,’ The thought interrupted his spiral. ‘ It’s still his body, it’s still him.’
“Kamukura .” Souda said again, voice shaking. “Where’s…Hinata?”
“I cannot hear him, he must have fully retreated. It’s not a common occurrence but it is known to happen.”
“What do you mean by common? Is this something that happens a lot?!”
“My presence?” Kamukura had leaned against the sink, his legs shaking so hard his knees audibly knocked. “Hinata would prefer if I didn’t have a presence at all, but yes, I am usually around. As I said we have met before, Kazuichi Souda.”
Souda nodded without fully understanding. It was a lot to take in, but more importantly, he’d started to grow concerned about the other man. Whatever mental distress had caused this, well, it was starting to take its toll. Kamukura looked scarily close to face planting into the linoleum.
"You don't look so good, Ma— uh, Kamukura. You should sit down.”
“There isn’t a need for that. I don’t feel the same emotion as Hinata, these side effects will pass. I only need a moment.”
Between the knee-knocking and the pant on his breath, Souda thought otherwise. He took careful steps toward his friend and guided him to the edge of the bathtub. Kamukura only blinked, unfazed, as he sat on the edge. “The other outcome would have been far more interesting.” He continued.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to deal with you cracking your head open.” Souda sat at the other edge, the enamel cold on his legs. He had a million questions swirling in his mind, his only distraction being the even more confusing emotions in his chest.
He took a breath. “Damn it, okay so, Hinata hasn’t told anyone about you then?”
Kamukura shook his head. “He does not think highly of me. My purpose is utilitarian. I hold the memories Hinata cannot process. Other than that I am only a background presence, except for these situations.”
“I knew Hinata and you fused, but I didn’t know you were still... you.”
“In a sense I suppose I am Izuru Kamukura. But I also exist exclusively in Hinata’s mind, so I would not call that living.” He yawned, eyes swollen and lidded. “Seeing through his eyes is its own form of hell. What a painfully boring existence he lives...”
“It is not! After everything he’s been through he deserves to enjoy a simple life.” Souda spat back, “Are you sure you’re not the one causing him all this pain?! I wouldn’t be surprised after all of the shit you’ve done!”
“And what would I gain from that?”
“I don’t know, you’re the one who’s always trying to entertain yourself! Maybe watching him suffer gives you some masochistic pleasure, which is fucked up by the way! Hinata doesn’t deserve any of it, he’s done nothing but try to fix all the mistakes he’s made and he’s more than made up for it—“
“I know.” Kamukura interrupted. “But I have no control over Hinata, I am more of an observer.” He rubbed his thumbs over his temples, his eyes closed. “Fully inhabiting the body is a new experience for me. I’m not used to feeling headaches.”
Souda snorted before heading to the medicine cabinet. He poured an ibuprofen from its bottle, sending a glance at the other man. “Okay? So is this supposed to help Hinata? You being around?”
“I am more of a product of his situation, but in a sense, yes.” Kamukura stuck his hand out so Souda could pass him the pill. His movements were slow and calculated, he never broke eye contact as he swallowed it dry. “The two of us speak fairly often about things. Since he is the main inhabitant of the body it is mostly about his feelings, his desires.”
Souda returned to his spot beside Kamukura. He understood why Hinata never told him about his other personality, but hearing just how prevalent Kamukura was in his life, well, it did hurt Souda a bit. Why would Hinata think he’d react badly to this news? Well…I guess he had some valid reasons. It was Izuru Kamukura afterall.
“So you’re not, like, against Hinata or anything?” He continued.
“No, I don’t see the point in that. We’re very much entwined now. I often appear co-consciously with him when he is around others. Which is why I know so much about you.”
“Yeah?” Souda challenged, “Like what?”
“Your favorite dish is Gyoza with shrimp, you refuse to go in the ocean, you have a superstition about stepping on sidewalk cracks, and you often stare at Hinata when you think he is not looking, but I usually notice.”
As a flush climbed Souda’s cheeks he looked away.
‘Damn it,’ he thought. ‘This guy really has been hanging around all this time.’
Souda’s annoyance took a back seat. Maybe this was affecting him more than he thought it was. It was overwhelming, yes, and pretty sudden. Technically he was meeting a whole new person and Souda had a pretty bad track record with meeting new people. Plus this wasn’t just any person. He knew what Izuru Kamukura had done, the history of his existence, and he wasn’t a big fan of the guy's demeanor either.
Yet, Souda still felt an ounce of sympathy for Kamukura.
He wondered if every time Hinata’s tone would flatten, every time his dry sarcasm would peak through, if that was Kamukura showing up. Maybe in some ways Souda was already familiar with this man, maybe in some ways, he cared for him just as much as he cared for Hinata…
Souda didn’t reply for another minute. “Yeah,” when he finally spoke, it held more emotion than he planned. “Maybe you and me will never be as close as me and Hinata are, but you are part of him, so I can’t just tell you to fuck off. That’s not fair...”
“Either way I don’t care.”
“Well, you could be worse. I mean no offense to Komaeda, but at least you're not like him. I never know what to say around that guy. It’s like he hates me but he won’t leave me alone! If he really liked me, why would he wake me up by tapping on my window like a serial killer? That’s ju—“
Kamukura laughed.
Souda stopped talking mid-word, staring at the other man as his shoulders shook with it. It was the most emotion he’d seen from Kamukura since meeting him. This must have been what he meant by the two of them being entwined, maybe Hinata was having some influence on Kamukura?
In a way, that reassured Souda.
He stood again, bare feet cold on the linoleum. “Hinata and I are soul friends and that means I stick by him no matter what.” Souda announced, making a triumphant fist, “So I guess you and I are acquaintances now. You do freak me out though, just a little, but I’ll get used to it. For his sake!”
“That’s reassuring.” Kamukura leaned his arms on his knees, breathing deeply. “I know I lack Hinata’s warmth...”
“Well Hinata’s a special kind of person, he’s pretty hard to live up to.”
Kamukura didn’t respond. Instead, he hid his face behind his hand and yawned. Souda guessed the conversation was over. It had been a helluva night after all, or was it morning? Either way, sleep definitely wouldn't hurt.
“You should get some rest,” Souda offered him a hand. “I can sleep on the floor if you want. I don’t think it's good for you to be alone after all this, just as a safety precaution.”
“Sleep in the bed, I don’t care. I already know how you feel about Hinata.”
Kamukura had already left the bathroom but Souda remained in the bathroom, trying to process what the hell the other man said. ‘
'That didn't mean he knew that I…no, he couldn't.’
Souda chose to believe that, for his own sanity.
When he finally got his feet to move again, he found Kamukura was already sprawled against the bed. He slept atop the covers and wasn't using a pillow but seemed peaceful nonetheless.
Souda was hesitant to crawl in beside him as if he would suddenly change his mind and push him away. But that didn’t happen. Instead, Kamukura continued to rest, breathing deeply.
Just like any other person.
So Souda closed his eyes, listening to Kamukura’s breathing, and at that moment he felt strangely content.
End of Part One