Chapter Text
1.
Usahara: Hey Uramichi, did you know jellyfish have survived for 600,000 years without a brain?
Uramichi: There's some hope for you after all.
2.
Kumatani: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
Iketeru: You bet!
Kumatani: A what temperature?
Iketeru: 535
Kumatani: That's the clock.
Iketeru:
Iketeru: 536
3.
Usahara: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Iketeru: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Kumatani: A realist sees a freight train.
Uramichi: The conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
4.
Usahara: I'm getting a brain scan today.
Uramichi: To check if you still have one?
Usahara: Thank you for your concern and support.
5.
Uramichi: Do not come to my house. If the house is on fire you may knock once, if I don't answer assume I set the fire and I want to burn to death.
6.
Utano: I wish I was married so I could have a kid someday. What about you, do you see yourself being a father one day?
Uramichi: One day? I AM a father.
Utano: The children on set don't count.
Uramichi: Those are MY KIDS.
7.
Iketeru: I love this whole 'good cop, bad cop' thing you two have going on.
Usahara: It's not really a thing, more like I'm nice and Uramichi is terrifying.
8.
Usahara: I found human remains at Goodwill!
Kumatani: I'm sorry, what?
Usahara: Someone donated an urn to Goodwill and the ashes are still in it.
Kumatani: And so you decided to buy human ashes?
Usahara: Yes.
Kumatani: From Goodwill?
Usahara: Yes.
Kumatani: I'm not even surprised.
Usahara: Her name is Judith, I'm hoping she'll haunt us.
9.
Usahara: It's 4am, why are you baking a cake? And what's with the party decorations and sweets?
Uramichi: I'm celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. Want a cookie?
10.
Judge: How do you plead?
Uramichi: Guilty. Give me the death penalty.
Usahara: Uramichi, it was a parking ticket!
Uramichi, leaning closer to the microphone: Please.