Archive of Our Own ^beta

The heat was unbearable that day. Or at least that’s what Thomas thought. No one else seemed affected by it, which seemed strange, because usually Thomas wasn’t affected by the weather. He came back a little later than usual, panting hard as he ran through the gates. It felt as though his body was on fire, and his throat hurt from his ragged breathing. Water.

He took lazy steps towards the runners’ hut, knowing he was the last one to return. There wasn’t anyone in there, the others probably already joined the other Gladers for dinner, so Thomas hurried to note down the map he had run so he could join the others, or maybe take a shower. Just the thought of cold water, cooling his burning skin made him groan and he decided dinner could wait.

Since everyone was getting food, the bath was free. He slowly undressed, feeling groggier by the minute. Thomas moaned as the water soothed his skin, leaning heavily against the cool tiles. He didn’t know how much time passed, simply relaxing under the constant flow. It was only when someone knocked on the door that he opened his eyes again, noticing it had turned dark outside.

“Tommy?” a sound came from the other side of the door, and Thomas immediately felt another kind of heat rise to his cheeks. He hurriedly turned off the water and tried hard not to stumble over his own feet as he pulled his clothes on, not caring that it smelled like sweat and that he drenched it since he hadn’t dried himself.

“Yeah, just a sec,” he called, making sure he had all of his clothes on before going to the door where the second-in-command was waiting on the other side. The brunet leaned against the doorframe, trying to cover his exhaustion with a smirk. The blond merely raised an eyebrow.

“I just came to check on you; you missed dinner,” Newt said, eyeing the brunet carefully as if he could see right through him. Thomas shifted under his gaze, not realising it was that late. To be honest, he wasn’t really that hungry. Actually, he felt more nauseated.

“I lost track of time,” he said honestly, not wanting to worry the blond for no reason. Newt let his eyes scrutinise the brunet but eventually shrugged and accepted the explanation.

“There might be some left if you’re lucky. Get some sleep, Tommy. You look like a wreck.” Thomas nearly sighed of relief but managed to bite it back, knowing the blond would only question him further if he seemed relieved. Instead of going to the kitchen, though, he went straight to bed, hoping to sleep off the nauseous feeling.

However, he didn’t get much sleep. The night was too warm and too cold at the same time. He was sweating the whole night, kicking his blanket off, lying exposed to the air until he shivered and pulled the blanket up again, and repeating the process until the sun started rising. With only a few hours of sleep, he forced himself out of his bed feeling worse than yesterday. He shivered as he pulled on his clothes, hugging his arms tightly around his body. Why was it so cold all of a sudden? The climate really was strange these days.

He walked to the gates, not even bothering to stop by the kitchen for breakfast, still feeling nauseated from last night. He gave Newt a slight wave before disappearing into the maze for the day.

***

The walls were moving, he was sure of it. He was running, or stumbling, through the maze, seeing not only the walls but also the floors moving up and down, from side to side. What was happening? The walls usually only moved at night, so why was it different today? He stumbled through the corridors, disorientated, trying to find a way out. He had to get back before the gates closed, but how was he supposed to find them with the walls moving as he was running along them? It was by pure luck that he finally saw some green in the end of a corridor, and he ran with all his might to it, finally reaching the Glade. When he exited the maze, he was so relieved, his knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He heard Newt’s voice calling him far away in a distressed tone, and wondered what was upsetting the blond. He must’ve moved very quickly because suddenly a pair of arms supported him, and when he looked up it was the same blond that had called his name.

He blamed the lack of sleep for fainting.

***

When he woke up again, it was because of violent shivers running through his body. A cool hand cupped his cheek, and he leaned against the touch, sighing. Everything was too cold and too hot at the same time, and suddenly he couldn’t stand to be touched anymore, feeling disgusted and moist. His arms were heavy, so he had no luck in slapping the hand away as he had intended to, and instead groaned loudly in an attempt to voice his distress. The hand left his cheek and he nearly whimpered from the loss of contact, having changed his mind once again that he was too hot and wanted the coolness, when it came back with a friend, two hands on either of his cheeks as if someone wanted him to look at them.

There was a distant voice, a voice he knew well but couldn’t quite distinguish. He focused hard on the sound, drowning out the blood rushing in his ears and the loud thump of his heart. Realising it must also be the owner of the voice’s hands cupping his cheeks, he sighed satisfyingly, planning to rest his head against the pillow that was apparently under him. He frowned, remembering the last time he was conscious was just outside the maze, so how did he end up on a bed? He would’ve shrugged if it hadn’t been for the exhaustion controlling his body. The soothing voice, however, didn’t let him go that easily. Now that he could hear the voice clearer, he almost wished he couldn’t.

“Tommy, you have to wake up. You can’t go to sleep. Do you hear me, Tommy?”

Damn that beautiful voice. He really wanted to sleep but how could he disobey that voice? Even more so when he realised the only person calling him Tommy was his favourite glader. Sighing, he tried opening his eyes, only to shut them firmly when bright sunlight hit his irises. He groaned painfully, turning his head so his nose was against the palm of Newt’s hand, considering leaning forward a tiny bit to kiss the calloused skin. However, even in his cloudy mind, he knew that was a bad idea. He heard Newt telling someone to cover the windows and then telling him to open his eyes again. The hand he wasn’t currently breathing on moved and started carding the fingers through his hair and he barely managed not to moan at the contact.

With enough coaxing from the blond, he finally tried to open his eyes once more, finding the room much dimmer than before to his great relief. When his eyes adjusted he saw the one most beautiful thing standing over him with a frown on his forehead, and he couldn’t help but want to smooth it out with his fingers.

Seeing that he was awake, Newt released a heavy sigh, closing his eyes for a moment, letting his hands stay where they were. It took all of Thomas’ power not to whine when the blond pulled away and from the pitiful look he shot him, he hadn’t been entirely successful. Newt moved off somewhere out of his sight and came back with a glass of water and a pill which Thomas drank gratefully, his throat dry and lusty after the soothing water. He propped himself up on his elbows, wincing when the room swam for his eyes and waited to let his vision clear. When it did, he noticed Newt was right by his side, looking at him worryingly. Thomas smirked at him, hating to see that expression on the already burdened blond.

“What happened?” Thomas croaked, his throat slightly unused and croaky. He immediately regretted asking when the small smile the blond’d had disappeared into another frown, a serious look replacing his expression.

“You had a very high fever. I think the worst is over now, but you still need to rest plenty.” Judging from the light outside he must’ve at least slept 12 hours, having returned early since the maze had freaked him out. Which actually made sense now. Of course the walls hadn’t moved. He’d just had such a high fever that he was too dizzy and couldn’t tell up from down and left from right.

Looking at the blond at his side, he noticed the tired look and the clean hands. Thomas frowned. Why was he in here and not out working in the field? They had medjacks so there really was no need for Newt to help, noticing that Thomas was the only person in the medjacks’ hut when he finally realised where he was. Newt wasn’t one to put his duties aside; that’s what made him so great at being second-in-command, though Thomas sometimes wished they could spend more time together other than the three meals (which both he and Newt didn’t always manage to get).

“Why are you here?” he couldn’t help but ask, falling back on the pillow with a soft thud. The question seemed to shock the blond, his eyes going wide and his lips parting slightly (and Thomas really wished he wouldn’t do that, because now he couldn’t stop staring). Newt cleared his throat, helping Thomas break his gaze, and looked away with a slight pink tint on his cheeks.

“Uh, I –“ he began, clearing his throat once more and scratching his head. “You know, it’s my job a-as second-in-command to make sure you weren’t dying, and well, here you are. Not dying.”

The response wasn’t exactly what Thomas had hoped for – okay, that might be quite the underestimation. His face visibly fell, his heart thudding painfully in his chest.

“Oh,” he uttered quietly, averting his gaze, suddenly finding his lap very interesting, “I thought maybe you –“. He bit his lips as to not betray the carefully built wall to avoid extreme, harsh rejection. His cheeks were burning and this time not from the fever as he fiddled with his fingers, hoping the blond would simply brush his strange behaviour off. To his luck, of course he didn’t.

“You thought maybe I what?” Newt asked carefully, and had Thomas been looking, he’d seen a curious, hopeful look on the blond’s face. Thomas bowed his head as much as physically possible, wishing he could disappear under the covers and never have this conversation. Ever.

It wasn’t exactly a secret that Thomas was attracted to Newt – honestly, who wasn’t. But it wasn’t just about that. It was so much more. He was in love with Newt. The self-sacrificing, goodhearted person who’d always been there even when Thomas had been – in lack of better words – a real pain in the ass. Newt had never doubted him, even when he wasn’t making sense, and had always given him a chance of explaining himself, believing him the instant he gave an explanation to whatever strange discoveries he’d found. He was one of the few people Thomas fully trusted and he felt so at ease whenever he was around him. It didn’t help his crush that he was immensely attractive as well.

But he knew it could never become anything more. Yes, they were great friends, maybe he was even one of Newt’s best friends, but he knew, he could never beat the closeness that he had with Alby and Minho. They had known him much longer and Thomas couldn’t help but feel envious at that. He wanted to know everything there was to know, he wanted to be the one Newt came to whenever he was having doubts, he was the one who wanted to listen to him rant about stupid responsibilities and frustrating greenies. He also wanted to be the one kissing him gently, tucking him in at night, making sure he didn’t miss a meal whenever he was busy, and be the person to put Newt before everything. Not that he didn’t already do that last thing; he just wanted Newt to know that he was first and not second, as the blond was already so used to, even though Thomas would argue he should always be put first.

“I, uh – n-nothing, never mind I said anything,” Thomas stuttered, his thoughts causing a painful clench in his chest and a stinging sense behind his eyes. He didn’t exactly make a believable lie. Of course, Newt saw right through him, because that’s what they did, even if neither would admit it.

“Tommy,” he said gently, placing his hand on Thomas’. “You know you can tell me anything. Right?”

And that was exactly it. Because he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell Newt. He’d rather love him in secret and be his best friend rather than scare him away because of his stupid feelings and lose him.

But of course, feverish Thomas couldn’t think that far.

“I – I just thought maybe… maybe you’d stayed because you cared,” he said slowly, his hand twitching as he restrained himself from intertwining his fingers with the ones currently on top of his. He looked up to see Newt’s confused frown and, without his own consent, elaborated.

“I mean, I know you care, but I want you to more than care, you know? I thought – I hoped maybe you felt the same way about me that I do you but of course that’s stupid, it’s just when I saw you here and it looked like you’d been here all night, I sort of hoped that maybe you were here because you were worried, and not worried like oh he’s my friend worried but worried I can’t imagine my days without you worried. Shuck, I just realised how that sounded, you know what, nevermind I said anything, you probably can’t believe a word I’m saying anyway, haha, I’ll just –“ his words faded out with a nervous laughter, his whole body twitching from nervousness. He glanced back at Newt only to see a blank expression, as he seemed to try to comprehend his rambling. It took agonisingly slow minutes where Thomas debated whether he could fake falling asleep and then wake up and pretend nothing happened. He had finally decided to give it a go, when he felt something clench his hand.

Newt’s hand hadn’t moved its spot from on Thomas’ so he held it softly and gave it a clench to get Thomas’ attention. Their eyes met, Newt’s gorgeous brown ones staring into Thomas’ matching ones, seemingly trying to figure out Thomas’ emotions. He’d already said too much, so Thomas figured he’d stay quiet until Newt said something, which was quite an experience in itself, seeing as Thomas was usually a very loud person. Whatever Newt was looking for, it seemed he found it. His face broke into a wide smile, more beautiful than any other smile Thomas had ever witnessed before, making butterflies wildly flutter in his stomach. Newt took the opportunity of Thomas’ silence to grab his hand completely, lacing their fingers together and leaning forward. He didn’t lean quite enough for their lips to touch, making Thomas whine in the back of his throat, but instead rested his forehead against the other’s.

“You’re bloody stupid, Tommy,” Newt said, his breath warming Thomas’ lips and he couldn’t help but lick his lips and separate them slightly in anticipation. “Of course it’s that kind of worried. Do you really think I’d sit up all night next to anyone else? Shuck, when you suddenly collapsed on the ground it felt like my heart was shattering. Don’t you ever do that to me again, do you hear me?” Newt’s voice cracked slightly at the end, his carefully put, strong mask cracking slightly. Thomas shifted his gaze from the blond’s lips to his eyes, seeing the pure, raw emotion that he could only relate to too well.

“Sorry,” he said quietly, hesitantly letting his arms rest on Newt’s hips. When Newt’s response was to card his fingers through Thomas’ hair, he let himself grip tighter, tugging him closer. Newt positioned himself next to Thomas on the bed when he scooted over, smiling against his lips that were still not quite touching.

“You’d better be. Once you get better, you’ll have to make it up to me,” he said, letting his hand slide down Thomas’ neck to his chest and caressed the skin until he reached his inner thigh, squeezing it teasingly, causing Thomas to whine once more, biting his lower lip. Newt smirked from the sound, doing nothing to help Thomas’ situation. Oh, how Thomas wished he wasn’t sick at that moment, so he could just surge forward and let his tongue travel all over the blond. However, he felt himself shiver, and though the last thing he wanted to do was to separate from Newt, his body protested.

Newt pulled back and swatted at Thomas when he reached out to pull him back. He forced him to lie down again and pull the covers up.

“You need to sleep and get better,” Newt said, tugging the brunet in and kissing his forehead. When he turned around to leave, Thomas managed to catch his wrist, making him turn back. Newt looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as if to say ‘You know I’m right, so just do what I tell you’ but Thomas simply smirked and pulled the blond closer, holding his sheets open. Newt finally caught up to his thought, giving a hesitant look to the door before moving under the sheets, settling next to him. Thomas rested his hand on Newt’s hip, hiding his face in his neck, breathing in the familiar scent. It was difficult to know who fell asleep first, the still feverish brunet, or the sleep-deprived blond. Either way, both of them slept better than they’d ever done, until whistling and not-so-surprised shouts woke them up.

Thomas felt much better the next day and the two of them spent it making up for all the time they could’ve been together. They barely even noticed the other gladers exchanging things, some cheering in delight and some disappointedly giving up their stuff.

It seemed they had been the only ones unaware of their mutual feelings.

(It didn’t take long, though, for the other gladers to get annoyed by their close relationship, always sucking the life out of each other – literally – and having their perfectly imperfect relationship that everyone envied.)