Chapter Text
For nearly five miles, Kaveh walked with an arrow in his stomach.
If there’s anything he had learned in the months they’d trekked across the desert, it’s that it’s a godless place. A savage, cruel place where hope can hardly exist. There is no peace or tranquility. There is no coexistence. The desert has no mercy. The fact had become abundantly clear to him the moment that shot was fired after a disastrous attempt to negotiate with a group of Eremites.
He knew this would happen. Eremite raids were nearly inescapable in these areas. It was the least he could have done to lead them away from their wagons and pray they would follow him. Some did. Others did not. Two wagons were burned, and Kaveh was knocked off his horse before he could do anything to prevent it. When he awoke, it was to the smell of charred skin and smoke. In a blind, grief-induced rage, he pulled an ax from the debris and began swinging until the arrow was fired, piercing him cleanly through the stomach. Now, he was horseless, defenseless, and bleeding.
It didn’t hurt. He thought about pushing it out the back, but decided against it. That was the thing about problems. They’d still be problems later. You don’t have to deal with them right away.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
Alhaitham had convinced himself of the world’s ambivalence towards mankind until he set foot in the desert. This place did not want inhabitants. The few plants were inedible. Every creek was bone-dry. The splintering heat of the day gave way to the crisp cold of the night. The land was inhospitable.
Alhaitham knew that a voyage into the unmanned parts of the desert was nothing short of a suicide wish. No traveler or adventurer in their right mind would dare challenge such unforgiving forces of nature. But mankind is nothing if not greedy, and will do anything to claim what isn’t theirs.
He had expected losses, and had numbed himself to them. Such a place was bound to resist their arrogation with any force it could. But such nullification had crumbled the moment Kaveh staggered back to their camp with an Eremite arrow sticking through his midsection.
Alhaitham managed to get to him before he collapsed, catching him by the arms.
“Shit, Kaveh…” He breathed, draping an arm around the slim shoulders of his senior.
It was Candace who saw the scene first. Instantly, she dropped her weapon and came running.
“What happened?”
“Fetch Tighnari, now.” Alhaitham’s voice wavered, his calm resolve beginning to fracture. He turned his attention back to Kaveh, sitting him down on a stool by one of the remaining wagons. His hands reached up to cup both of Kaveh’s cheeks, brushing strands of blonde from his eyes. “Kaveh, what happened?”
“Er’mites.” Kaveh mumbled.
Candace returned, Tighnari in tow. In her arms was a blanket, which she carefully wrapped around Kaveh’s shoulders. She hushed him when he shuddered in response. “Shh, honey, you’re okay.”
“That arrow needs to come out.” Tighnari said. “This is going to hurt.”
“It doesn’t hurt.” Kaveh muttered, his words slurred from exhaustion.
Tighnari ignored him, carefully snapping the tail of the arrow off. He handed a wad of gauze to Alhaitham.
“Candace, fetch the iron. It was a clean shot, we can cauterize it.” He turned to Kaveh. “You doing alright?”
Kaveh nodded in response.
“Good.” Tighnari said. “You’re gonna start bleeding like a water spout once I pull this thing out. Alhaitham, cover it with the gauze once it’s done, then hold him still.”
“Just take the damn thing out.” Kaveh breathed.
Tighnari gave no warning when he ripped the remaining half of the arrow out from his back. Alhaitham cringed at the screams that followed. They wouldn’t stop for another five minutes. He did as he was told, instantly pressing down on the wound as Candace returned with the iron. He repositioned himself so that he could pin Kaveh in place. Candace placed the tip of the iron against the front side of the wound, and then the back. Kaveh was screeching, choking, and desperately trying to kick her away. Tighnari readily pulled the bandage tight around his midsection. He secured it, and Alhaitham took the moment to gather Kaveh into his arms. He was still screaming.
“You’re okay…” He hushed. “You’re okay.”
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
They were fools to think Kaveh’s recovery would be smooth. On the second night after the attack, infection set in. At first, it appeared to be mild. Fatigue, discomfort, and flushed cheeks were the only symptoms he showed. But the desert is not kind, and Kaveh would not be graced with such a generous fate.
It didn’t take long for the fever to set in. And when it did, Kaveh’s condition deteriorated rapidly. For three nights, Alhaitham held him as he shook, dabbed the sweat from his brow with a cool cloth, and held clean water to his lips when he was too weak to hold it on his own. By the fourth day, it became apparent that Kaveh would not improve with the resources they had.
“The Eremites are clever,” Cyno said. “They dip the tips of their arrows in horse manure to ensure a fatal hit.”
“So what do you suggest we do? He’ll die if we stay here any longer!” Alhaitham snapped.
Cyno was silent. Alhaitham ran a hand over his face in abject frustration.
“You have to go back,” piped Tighnari. “If you double back now, you may make it to Liyue. They have the best doctor in Teyvat. That’s the best shot you have.”
Alhaitham’s reply bore no hesitation. “I’ll do it.”
“Alhaitham,” Tighnari started, “Even if you do…there’s no guarantee he’ll survive the trip.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Tighnari stared at him solemnly for a moment. He sighed. "Fine. I will come with you."
"And what of Collei?" asked Cyno.
"I leave her in your care, Cyno."
Cyno opened his mouth, but closed it again quickly. Instead, he stood up. "I'll ready three horses. If you truly wish to do this, I suggest you get moving as soon as possible."
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
"Where are we going?"
Alhaitham glanced up as he finished securing their last bag onto the wagon. Kaveh was awake, in what appeared to be an increasingly rare moment of clarity. He looked awful. His skin was pale and ashy, dark purple bags hanging beneath his eyes. He appeared much thinner than he had been when their journey had begun, even more so now than ever. But even still, there was a certain serene beauty about him, even now. Perhaps it was the way he hugged a blanket around his shoulders, or the way those vermillion eyes still held traces of their old light. The corners of Alhaitham's lips curled upwards, and he raised a hand to Kaveh's cheek.
"Liyue."
"Wonder what that'll be like," Kaveh hummed. "Beats whatever's out here."
"I'm sure it does," Alhaitham chuckled.
Kaveh studied Alhaitham for a moment. Something about him felt different. His gaze appeared softer, his tone sweeter, but held a distinct fear that such sweetness was trying to mask. Kaveh felt different, too. It was as if his soul had been dislodged from...whatever cavity inside his chest where his soul resided. It felt loose, disconnected.
He was jerked from his thoughts when Tighnari approached.
"Everything's been packed." Alhaitham said.
"Good." Tighnari replied. He turned to Kaveh. "How are you feeling?"
"Peachy."
This made Tighnari smile. "Glad to see you've still got your spirit. Just hold on, alright?"
Kaveh nodded. Tighnari climbed into the front, taking the reins, and Alhaitham mounted his horse. As they drove away, Cyno trailed them on his own horse.
"Kaveh!" He called. "It was a hell of a time, riding with you."
Kaveh chuckled. "Sure was."
"I'm honored to call myself your friend. I'll never find a TCG partner as good as you."
"You're a goddamn fool if you think the TCG partner you never had will be the one that got away." Kaveh said with a smirk, earning a chortle from Cyno. He grinned. "Go back to Aaru Village, you cocky son of a bitch."
"Will do! See ya on the flip side, Kaveh!"
Kaveh watched as Cyno became nothing more than a small speck on the horizon. He wondered what would become of them. If they would manage to scratch up a new life for themselves somewhere. Kaveh hoped that was true. But he'd seen too much of this world to believe that their fate lay there. Their future lay elsewhere, somewhere among the abyss of unmarked graves throughout the Sumeru Desert.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
"Are we in Liyue yet?"
Alhaitham couldn't help but smile. Kaveh stuck his head out the back of the wagon. They'd made it to the rainforest, and Kaveh's condition was showing minuscule improvement.
"No, not quite yet. You should be resting."
"I'm tired of resting." Kaveh huffed. "I can't sleep any more than I already have, and it's all stuffy back here."
Alhaitham sighed. Of course Kaveh would be discontent to ride in the back of a wagon the entire journey. He was far too lively and far too stubborn to comply with such a lifestyle.
"What would you like to do, then?"
Kaveh pursed his lips, taking in their surroundings for a moment. Then, he glanced at his horse, whom Alhaitham had been leading for the duration of their trip. Whether they brought it as an extra horse or because they subconsciously knew Kaveh would grow restless, Alhaitham was unsure.
"I wanna ride." Kaveh decided. "Can I?"
Alhaitham couldn't tell him no.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
Days passed. Kaveh wasn't sure if they were any closer to Liyue than they'd been back in the desert. He wasn't quite sure of anything anymore. All he knew was pain. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. His head throbbed with every step of his horse. He looked upon the world through the hazy lense of fever, yet somehow saw it clearer.
He glanced out at the flowers and noticed the colors looked different. Sharper. He looked at the sky. The pink and orange glow of dusk appeared more vibrant, and the clouds seemed to race overhead as if new laws of time and space applied above him.
"What are you thinking about?"
Kaveh slowly turned to the source of the voice. Alhaitham had steered his horse to ride alongside him. He sighed. Shrugged.
"I'm not sure what Liyue looks like, but I'm sure it doesn't look like this."
"Hm." Alhaitham hummed, following his gaze towards the sky above them. "The only people who know are the people who are already there."
"You know what I find funny?" Kaveh mused. "All those people back in the desert don't know a thing about where they're going. They risk their lives over rumors and dreams."
"Rumors and dreams built this whole world, Kaveh," said Alhaitham. "Every inch of it."
"Wanna know my biggest fear about dying?" Kaveh asked. Alhaitham hummed again in response. Kaveh sighed before continuing. "It's being forgotten. And I can't understand why, because I won't be around to know that anybody forgot me. It's silly, really."
"Nobody is going to forget you, Kaveh." Kaveh faced Alhaitham again as he spoke. "And you're not dying. You should be dead, but you pay about as much attention to the rules of nature as you pay to my advice."
Alhaitham turned his head to meet his eyes, and Kaveh saw the way he looked at him. He saw past his smile. He saw the worry. He saw something deeper. It was as if he were already mourning. As if Kaveh were already gone.
"You look at me like I'm dying."
Kaveh did not miss the way Alhaitham froze, his eyes shifting to the trail ahead of them for a moment as he seemed to struggle to grasp the right words.
"I don't look at you like you're dying." Alhaitham said, finally. "I look at you for what you are."
"What's that?"
"The most important thing to me in this world."
His words sent a course of a feeling comparable to electricity surging through his body. Alhaitham was smiling again. Kaveh was smiling too. But, it did not last long. Kaveh still felt different.
"Alhaitham?"
"Yes?"
"Am I going to die?"
"No..." Alhaitham inhaled sharply. "No, you're not going to die."
Kaveh couldn't help but feel as though he were trying to convince himself more than him.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
By the time they reached Liyue's border, Kaveh had grown increasingly unwell. He swayed atop his horse, every so often doubling over in pain, attempting to hide his misery with the blanket draped over his shoulders. He had given up on trying to convince him to rest. His efforts were fruitless. It did not make it any easier to watch.
At dawn, they'd run into a small group of treasure hoarders. Alhaitham managed to scare them off, but Kaveh had taken off in the opposite direction to avoid confrontation. He would not get very far though. He made it a few kilometers away before his body gave out, and Alhaitham watched in abject horror as Kaveh's body toppled sideways off of his mount, hitting the grass with a soft thump. He locked eyes with Tighnari, who looked just as mortified as he felt, before yanking his reins to the side, making a sharp turn, and booking it to where Kaveh lay.
Someone had beat him to it. A boy with dark teal hair and tattoos up his arms was kneeling beside Kaveh's unconscious form, his hand hovering over him, but not quite touching. Alhaitham slowed to an abrupt halt, one hand instinctively reaching for the hilt of his sword.
The boy looked up.
"He's hurt." He said, nodding towards Kaveh.
"He was shot," Tighnari answered, pulling up beside Alhaitham. "An Eremite arrow. He's cold, he has a fever."
"He needs cold. It stops the bleeding." The boy said, standing up. "Do you have a doctor?"
"No. That's why we're here."
The boy looked over his shoulder, then back at Tighnari.
"There's a village nearby. I can take you there."
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
Alhaitham was no fool.
When he saw Kaveh fall, a small part of him knew that he would not live. He didn't try and prepare himself, nor did he try to fight it any harder than he already had. No amount of preparation would suffice. Nothing in the world could ever soothe the perpetual ache of the now-known fact that Kaveh was not going to make it. Nothing could quell the anger, the fear, the sorrow, the pure agony of the truth that he would have to face a world without him much sooner than he would have liked, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The most he could do was grit his teeth and push through it. He would not cry in front of Kaveh.
Tighnari, however, was handling the situation much differently. After seeing the small moments of progress during their passage through the rainforest, Tighnari's outlook on the situation changed. He took those small moments of buoyancy and ran with them. He had deluded himself into thinking that Kaveh would survive.
Alhaitham couldn't bring himself to try and tell Tighnari the truth. Not when Tighnari looked on with such intense hope as they watched the women of the village lowered Kaveh's body into the cold water of the river in hopes of both stopping the bleeding and shocking out the infection.
The village chief approached them that evening and Kaveh's fate was sealed.
"We had some of our best doctors look at him." The elderly man began. "I am sorry. There is nothing we can do."
Alhaitham could do nothing but look at the ground. He had expected this. Tighnari, however, did not, and Alhaitham saw his fists clench as his whole body froze.
"What do you mean there's 'nothing you can do?' You can't help him?"
Alhaitham could tell Tighnari was struggling to keep his tone level, his voice raising in pitch towards the end.
"The arrow punctured his liver. If it were a regular arrow, he may have had a chance. But an Eremite's... a direct shot to the liver is pretty much lethal." The man explained solemnly. "I'm sorry."
Alhaitham shook the village chief's hand, and once he was gone, he turned to Tighnari. The botanist was shaking. He reached a tentative hand out to touch his shoulder, but Tighnari pulled away, curling and uncurling his fists. Alhaitham caught a quick glimpse of his face and saw the glimmer of unshed tears gathering along his lower lashline.
"Get out," Tighnari mumbled, his voice faltering. "Please."
Alhaitham did.
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
When Alhaitham awoke the next morning, Kaveh was not in his cot.
He tried not to panic. Kaveh would not--could not--have gone far. He stopped by the wagon, grabbing himself a piece of bread for breakfast, and a canteen of water for Kaveh. A thick fog hung in the air, turning the atmosphere a pale shade of grey. He finished his food, before setting off to search for the blonde's whereabouts.
It didn't take long to find him. He was down by the river, sitting on a log with a blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. Without a word, Alhaitham went to join him. It wasn't until he got closer that he heard the soft hiccups of repressed sobs. A knot formed in his chest.
When he sat down, Kaveh refused to look at him. Alhaitham simply stared at him, his brows furrowed in concern. Finally, Kaveh took a shuddering breath.
"You lied."
Oh.
He knew.
Alhaitham's fortitude could not withstand such simple, heartbreaking words, and he looked away.
"I'm sorry." His voice came out choked, watery.
Looking back at Kaveh, he saw someone fracturing under the weight of their own future. His mouth hung open in a silent sob for a moment, before he inhaled sharply and let out the most despondent and hopeless wail Alhaitham had ever heard. He was quick to gather Kaveh in his arms before he fell apart completely, one arm looping around his shoulders and the other reaching around to cup the back of his head, cradling it against his collarbone.
"I'm dying." Kaveh whimpered between cries.
"I know, honey. I know. I'm so sorry."
Alhaitham was trembling, his voice unsteady with the effort of holding in his own grief. He pressed his lips to Kaveh's hair and forehead over and over again, gently rocking him as his grandmother used to when he was upset. He did not try and silence Kaveh. He had no right to. All he could do was listen, as Kaveh's spirit was effectively dissolved. He tried not to imagine what that must have felt like for him. For someone as lively and passionate as Kaveh, for someone who burned so brightly to suddenly have the light ripped from them in the most brutal way.
It was a long time before Kaveh's cries began to lose their strength, petering out into soft hiccups and whimpers.
"Make me a promise..."
Alhaitham held him tighter. "Anything."
"Let me pick the spot." Kaveh choked. "Please..."
"Yeah..." Alhaitham whispered into his hair. "You can pick the spot."
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
That night, Alhaitham found himself alone with his thoughts. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten an opportunity for emotional reflection, and now that he had, he didn't know what to do with them. He didn't feel sadness or anger. He tried to cry, but found himself unable to. The tears simply refused to come.
He didn't acknowledge when Tighnari and the elderly village chief (whose name, he'd learned, was Liu) joined him by the fire.
"How are you holding up, son?" Liu questioned.
Alhaitham hummed, casting a quick glance at Tighnari. With one look, he could tell that Tighnari had been crying. He thought better of commenting on it.
No one spoke for a while. Alhaitham stared intently at the ground.
"What are you going to do?" Tighnari asked, his voice eerily calm. "I reckon you won't try and settle in the desert again."
"Wherever we put him in the ground is where I'll stay," Alhaitham answered honestly. "I promised him he could pick the spot where he dies. And I gotta find that place fast."
"I know a place for you," Liu offered. "Huaguang Stone Forest."
"Where is that?"
"Fifteen miles north from here. I used to go there often as a boy. It has the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen."
Alhaitham pondered this for a moment. Fifteen miles was a gamble. With all of their cargo, it would be a much longer journey. And Kaveh was running out of time. But he made him a promise, and he fully intended to keep it. No matter how hard his next decision would be.
"Tighnari," He began slowly. "Would you be willing to say goodbye to Kaveh here?"
Tighnari whipped his head around to look at him, his mouth slightly agape. He stuttered, trying to find words of protest or inquiry that just would not appear. "I--"
"Fifteen miles with the wagon would take a week, at best," Alhaitham cut him off. "He doesn't have a week. I can make it in two days on horseback."
Tighnari's breath hitched, his head coming to rest in his hands. From the way his shoulders shook, Alhaitham could tell he was crying. He placed a tentative hand on his shoulder.
"Please," he whispered.
Tighnari was silent for awhile, save for the soft shuddering breaths that came with his tears. When he was calm enough, he lifted his head, turning to look at Alhaitham through watery irises.
"There's no other way, is there?"
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
The fog had begun to clear slightly on the morning of what would be Kaveh's final ride.
Tighnari helped him mount the horse, positioning him behind Alhaitham and securing the blanket more tightly around his too-thin frame. Alhaitham felt his cheek drop against his shoulder. When Tighnari stepped back, he gave a sad smile.
"I hope you prove us all wrong. Hope you laugh about this in twenty years." Tighnari let out a wet chuckle. "Laugh at all of us for doubting you."
Kaveh gave a breathless laugh.
"Well, if I can't... I'll come meet you on the beach."
"Save me a spot, will you?"
Kaveh's head shifted in what Alhaitham assumed was a nod. Tighnari reached for Kaveh's hand, and Alhaitham felt one of Kaveh's arms unloop from around his waist to meet him halfway. The botanist's other hand came to rest on Alhaitham's knee.
"I love you both, with all my heart." He said. "You're the greatest friends I'll ever have."
Kaveh's lips curled upwards.
"I'll see you in the valley, Tighnari."
Tighnari nodded once.
"See you there."
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
Huaguang Stone Forest was unlike anywhere Alhaitham had ever seen.
The trees were a vibrant mix of various shades of yellow and orange, curving in all sorts of beautiful shapes and sizes. Colorful flowers littered the pale green grass. Shallow rivers and creeks wound their way over the ground, sparkling with clarity. Mountains appeared as giant pillars of stone, surrounding the area to create a beautiful sanctuary.
"Here," Kaveh whispered weakly against his shoulder. "Stop here."
Alhaitham slowed the horse to a halt, craning his neck around to face him. "Where do you want to go?"
"Against the tree." Kaveh pointed to the one with copper leaves.
Alhaitham dismounted, gently helping Kaveh to the ground. He settled on the grass at the tree's base, positioning Kaveh between his legs so that his back was against his chest.
"You want a blanket?" Alhaitham asked.
Kaveh shook his head. "You be the blanket."
Alhaitham chuckled softly, wrapping his arms around him and holding him securely from behind. Kaveh's hands came to rest on his forearms. He felt him sigh contentedly. Alhaitham did not speak, instead opting to press his lips against his hair.
"Alhaitham?"
"Hm?"
"What's your first memory?"
Alhaitham thought about this for a moment, tipping his head back against the tree trunk.
"I went with my father to the blacksmith in the city. I was around three years old." He said, finally. "And he was making a sword. I remember seeing the sparks. He turned and started talking to my father. Then he saw me. He put his hands over his face, then pulled them away and said, 'Peekaboo! I see you!' Then he covered his eyes again and said, 'But you can't see me!' And I thought he was a fool. I mean, I could see him right there, crouching in front of me. I didn't understand the point of the game."
Alhaitham felt Kaveh giggle beneath him. Then he exhaled softly.
"Mine was...all these birds...in the garden behind my childhood home." Kaveh reminisced. "It was right after a rainstorm. They were picking worms out of the ground. I thought that was smart, waiting until the ground softens. I thought that was so smart..."
Alhaitham chuckled, holding Kaveh a bit tighter.
"You're right, sweetheart. It was smart."
•───────•°•❀•°•───────•
Alhaitham awoke the following morning to soft chirping.
"You birds sure are smart..." Kaveh's raspy voice reached his ears. He looked down. Kaveh was lying on his side now, his head pillowed against Alhaitham's thigh, staring off into space ahead of him. Staring at something Alhaitham couldn't see.
A sinking feeling erupted in Alhaitham's gut, and he placed a hand on Kaveh's shoulder. "Kaveh."
Kaveh did not reply. Alhaitham shook him gently. "Kaveh, honey."
Slowly, Kaveh turned over. His skin was ghastly pale, his lips tinged a bluish purple and his eyes distant and glassy, staring up at the tawny leaves above them.
Kaveh no longer felt pain. He felt weightless, as if he were lying on air rather than the ground beneath him. That's when he saw it. The thing he had feared the most throughout his entire life now looked him directly in the eyes. It had no fangs or claws. It smiled at him. And it was beautiful.
"I understand it now."
"Understand what, darling?" Alhaitham's hands came to cradle both sides of his face.
"I know what it is." Kaveh breathed, and something in Alhaitham's chest snapped. "And I'm not scared. I'm not scared, Haitham..."
Alhaitham waited for him to continue. He didn't. It didn't take Alhaitham very long to realize that he never would. And only then did Alhaitham allow himself to truly cry.
He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned over Kaveh's body, intense, guttural sobs wracking his form. He gasped for air, fingers grasping at Kaveh's shirt, his hair, any part of him that he could reach. He pressed his lips against every part of his face he could, shaking fingers moving to close unseeing vermillion eyes for a final time.
There would be no paradise beyond this point. The world was far too cruel to allow both of them to thrive. Alhaitham only wished he could have enjoyed the illusion a bit longer.
It grew dark by the time Alhaitham's grief went silent. And with one final kiss upon cold lips, he whispered the one thing that had been on the tip of his tongue throughout all the years he'd known him. The thing that had always been mutual, the thing both of them knew but never said.
Which was, of course, I love you.