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Yuu’s tall now. When they were kids they were about the same height. And now, well there were many things different about Yuu and one was that he'd grown further than Mika had, further than he ever would.
Height hadn't really been something Mika had put much thought in, but now he had to tip his head back ever slightly to keep Yuu in his line of sight. He took up too much space now, just from the strength of his gaze he feels completely enveloped by Yuu.
Yuuichiro was a scab he once thought scared over. And when he placed his hand onto his arm, fingers digging into him, it felt like he was once more ripping apart that wound and all Mika could do was stare at it at Yuu's fingers wrapped around his deathly pale skin think about the bloom of fresh pain, think about it the beauty in crimson running down, pumping more with every quickened beat of his heart.
He turned his head away, refusing to dare taint Yuu with his bright red gaze.
Every time Yuu got close to him all he could seem to think about was the taste of his blood exploding on his tongue, what it felt like to finally give in to that thirst, what it felt like to learn over Yuu, to have him in his arms, what it felt like it to have Yuu's hand drag through his hair, to hear that stupid teasing lilt in his voice.
Oh how he wanted even now. How all he seemed to ever do now was want. A monster created by someone else, yet fueled only by his pre-existing greed.
"Are you okay?" And stupidly beautiful tall Yuu had to tilt his head and lean down in order to force his gaze into Mika's sight, only succeeding in further enveloping him. After all this time after he knew what he did to Mika he still chased after him, still threw himself right in, still chooses to drag his thumb across his cold skin.
***
Mika licks over the puncture wound smearing around the dried blood. He closes his eyes, relishing in this moment, in the rich blood that still coats his tongue, the warmth emanating off his skin. He allows himself one last taste, licking the last of the old away.
Yuu doesn't say anything, he never does, just lets Mika take and take more than he ought to more than he deserves more than he wishes Yuu would give even as he can't help but take and take when it is presented to him.
He wants and he wants and it feels like that's all he is now. The embodiment of want. He wishes he was anywhere else, was anyone else. He wishes and he wants and he takes and he takes and even still his stupid greedy brain has the audacity to demand for more. More from Yuu, more than this. He doesn't want to stop. As much as he knows it must hurt Yuu he can't help but want to live in this moment. In this bubble of warmth with Yuu's arms resting on his back.
It's getting harder every time to stop, to pull away. He just wants to stay here in Yuu's lap as he whispers into the top of his head words he can only half make out overtaken by bliss. It is only there, when he has Yuu pinned, pushed up against some wall in whatever secret place they can hide away, blood oozing from his slackened jaw that his mind quiets, that he can stop thinking, that oddly enough he no longer feels like a monster. And then when the hunger baits, and he knows that he has to pull away, it's then that everything rushes back in. When the warmth of humanity slides down his throat he is forced to confront the kind of monster he has become.
Even after this, after all Yuu has sacrificed all he has given he still wants. He has given more than he could ever ask for and yet he wishes he could take more, he wants more than anything to keep his mouth on Yuu, to drag his tongue the rest of the way up his neck, to touch every part of him.
God there's something wrong with him, so very wrong. He tries and he tries and no matter how many times he does this he still can't make himself stop.
He wonders as he pulls back far enough to see Yuu what he would do if he didn't stop if he kissed his way up to his lips. He's thought about it so many times, he's come closer than he dare admit.
What would it be like to kiss him. He wants more than anything to know. Wants with the same longing frustration as the blood he withheld for so long. It's an ache, an all consuming hunger that slithers around in the darkest recess of his brain. He wants now staring at Yuu at the way he looks up at Mika pulling his lips into an awkward uncomfortable smile. He's so close he could just lean in a little further, tilt his head to the side ever so slightly and he would know. But somehow with only his imagination to guide him he knows that he couldn't do it, couldn't move on past the one, if he has to drag himself away from his neck every time then he can not imagine that he would possess the strength to pull away from the inevitable softness of his lips.
***
“No.”
"Oh come on Mika, you’re hungry I know you are."
“No, I won’t do it not again. I don’t want to hurt you.
"You’re not going to hurt me."
"You don’t know that." He doesn't want to yell at Yuu, doesn't like what it makes him feel. He has seen enough violence and hatred, he deserves to be treated with kindness, with the softness Mika naively likes to think he once held. If only he wasn't so thick headed that the only way to get through to him is to beat it in. Although he's not sure he can say even that works. He only seems to continue to lose this battle.
"I do."
"You don’t get it, you’re human. You don’t, it's not the same. I’m… I’ve become the very monster we tried so hard to flee from."
"Mika." He turns, unable to look at the sheer naive trust in Yuu's eyes. "You are nothing like them."
"I don’t think I can control it once I start I just," He doesn’t want to say that it's just so good, so freeing to give in to the thirst, to let the parts of himself he has spent years denying, pushing away desperate to force himself to be who he once was, to shove himself into a body he's far outgrown, "it’s so hard to stop."
"I know. But I trust you."
"Why?"
"Cause you’re Mika."
"I’m not the same Mika you knew."
Yuu lifts his brow. And once again Mika is forced to confront that stupid obnoxious self righteous smirk. "Are you sure? I mean you look just like him."
"Yuu."
"Well maybe you’re a little taller. And I don't know anyone else that’s as ridiculous as you."
Mika jerks his head back, feeling a little like he got shocked. "What’s that supposed to mean?"
"Oh that you’re so dramatic. I don’t know anyone as ridiculously self sacrificing as you. Do you think that I like having to always take care of you?"
"What?" Now he knew Yuu can be ridiculously oblivious, but this has got to be a level beyond what he's capable of, surely. "I was always the one watching you. You’re the idiot always getting yourself in trouble over the stupidest things."
"I wasn’t that bad."
"You were, you really were."
Yuu grabs Mika’s hand. "Miiiiiiiiika, please."
"I - it’s"
"Miiiiika."
"I can't."
"Come on." Yuu squeezes his hand tighter and Mika can just make out the trump of his pulse through the added pressure.
"Yuu."
"If you won't do it for you. Couldn't you do it for me?"
"You're ridiculous."
"Mika can't you just -" He sways backwards till he's pushed against the brick wall, "Do you have to make everything difficult?"
"I'm not. I don't want to hurt you." Why does he have to be so stupid, so selflessly stupid while all Mika can be is stupidly selfish.
"We've been over this, you're not gonna hurt me. Watching you die would. So just stay alive for me. We're family right, you said so and family doesn't give up on each other. I am not giving up on you again. I'm not letting you die. So either," Yuu unbuttons the first few buttons of his uniform, dragging open his shirt so his neck and the edges of his collarbones are exposed to the chilly autumn air. The beating of his heart rings in Mika's ears a call to war, and god he wants to follow to indulge in the softness of Yuu's glistening skin, "you give in and let yourself eat," he uses his free hand to pat the top of his sword, "or I'll make you."
Mika knows what he's alluding to. Remembers the glistening deep ruby red of Yuu's blood as it spilled over his forearm dripping onto the already stained floor of the abandoned supermarket, the first drops of his blood he'd ever seen. God how he had wanted, once that rusty sent filled the air.
He thinks of that day more often than he would like to admit it. The regret twists at his stomach settling in nicely next to the nausea induced hunger. He wants to think of that moment as nothing more than it was his saving grace and his damnation, as the day he failed, that he let the monster inside him take over.
And yet he can't help but think about how he regrets having rushed straight for Yuu's neck, as great as it felt to push himself all the way into Yuu's space thighs either side of his legs and arms gripping his shoulders there's a part of him that's saddened that he can not watch Yuu from where he burrows into his neck. He's thought about it before what it would be like to drink from Yuu's arms to kneel on the floor below him and get to peer up at him as he drinks, to feed into not just the blood lust but all his unwanted desires. The thought of staring up at Yuu's closed eyes, mouth open as a whine slides past his lips does more than Mika thinks it should.
"You shouldn't make yourself do this."
"You're not making me do anything. If anything I'm the one making you drink."
"You shouldn't need to."
"Deal with this every time, yeah." Yuu pauses, takes a steady breath inward and lets the tensions in his shoulders drop with its exhale. And when he looks back at Mika he's softened till his voice is barely more than a whisper, "Mika, you're not a monster."
Mika turns to face him head on, going to drill his hardened gaze into Yuu, forcing him to face the reality of who he's become. "I have become everything you hate. The monsters you've tried to escape your whole life, the ones who… who, the ones you joined the army to kill."
"That's different. I want to kill the monsters that killed our family, but you Mika are my family and being a vampire doesn't change that. The only thing that would, would be by letting my family die by being stupid and refusing to drink."
He feels like his throat is closing up, he can’t tell if it’s from the way he keeps having to swallow down his urge to drink or if it’s from the pressure of squeezing his eyes tight in a desperate attempt to not let tears develop. "Yuu, I -"
"You say you don’t want to hurt me, but watching you do this to yourself, watching you in pain hurts me. So please for me would you just let me have this."
He forces his eyes back open and up to Yuu he looks so earnest, so innocently trusting, closer to a carefree child than he had ever looked when being held by vampires when they were supposed to be just that carefree kids. Yuu trusts him. Yuu is quite literally placing his life in Mika's trust, letting him take control. He’s done it before half a dozen times, let Yuu bury himself in his once hardened defenses. He gave in and nothing bad happened, after all Yuu was still staring at him head tilted to the side, the slightest of smirks pulling at his lips. It would be so easy a simple sway forward and he would.
"Yuu." His fangs have grown long enough it's hard to speak around them.
"Please, Mikaela."
And who is he to deny Yuu something. God he can’t seem to say no to Yuu, not when he asks for something, as stupid and ridiculous and self sacrificing as it is. He never could stop him only try his best to keep up with the disaster of a whirlwind he has always been. He trusts Yuu even if doesn’t trust himself and if Yuu thinks that he can be strong enough to pull away than he will be.
He closes his eyes, lets all his senses wash over him, allows himself to relish in the sound of Yuu's surprisingly steady heartbeat, in the way he can already smell the metallicness hidden under his skin. It hurts and he is so sick of suffering, of being in pain. He can do this, he can remain in control.
With one last glance at Yuu's face, he leans down tucking his head into Yuu’s neck, he brings a hand up to the other side, bracketing Yuu against the wall. Even now it’s hard to pierce him. Yuu's told him many times that the bite only hurts for a second, that he’s certain it is nothing in comparison to the never ending ache of hunger. He allows himself a second to relish in the warmth permeating off of Yuu, before he opens his mouth dragging his fangs along the juncture of his neck.
There’s a hand in his hair, not pulling him closer, just there running over the strands. "Come on, I know you’re hungry." He can’t help but whine against Yuu’s skin earning him a slight giggle. "I’m a big boy, I can handle it."
God, he wishes he could see Yuu’s face right now, if only to glare at him. He closes his eyes, lets the hunger, the desperate need take over and before he's realizing it, he's dragging his hand away from the bricks and up to Yuu’s neck and then he’s sinking his fangs into his supple skin. He can feel when Yuu tenses, he pulls back replacing his mouth over the wound and god the first few drops of his blood are always the warmest.
Yuu’s words filter back in. “There you go, yeah you… you’re okay. Drink as much as you want."
And even now, with Yuu’s blood dribbling out of his mouth and smearing across his collarbones Yuu is still trying to comfort him and it’s too much so much at once that it’s its own kind of pain, so different to the hunger he’s used to, it burns in the way sitting too close to a campfire on a cold night burns, seeping inward.
Yuu whines, hand tightening in Mika's hair. He knew he couldn't do it, knew he was too weak, knew that Yuu had far too much trust in him. He'd once again gone too far, taking more than he should be allowed. He's hurt him. He's waited so long to get to see Yuu again, to protect him from the vicious humans that dare to try and twist such a perfect being into something else, something ugly and demented and yet here he is another monster trying to use Yuu for his own selfish gain. Yet another thing that Yuu allows for the sake of so-called family.
He pulls his mouth away, but can't gather the strength to leave from Yuu's warmth. He stays there forehead resting on Yuu's damp skin struggling to breath in mouthfuls of musty air.
Once again Yuu says nothing, just rubs his back in a repetitive calming motion. He forces himself to swallow down everything. And finally he gathers the courage to pull back, to have to face his betrayal.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't," he shakes his head.
Yuu scoots back reaching out a hand to lay over Mika's where they're clenched into the white pants of his uniform. "What for?"
He snaps his gaze up. What is wrong with this boy, this stupid forgiving, idiot of a boy. Does he have no sense of self-preservation? "For… I shouldn't have. I should have stopped sooner. I didn't mean to cause you pain."
"Mika." He's leaning forward. Extending his hand out towards Mika until his fingers rest below his chin and he can force his gaze on him. "I told you to drink as much as you want. You've done nothing wrong."
"I … I don't want to hurt you."
Yuu huffs "And I told you already, you're not. It doesn't exactly hurt. Besides, I can handle it."
"I don't want it to be something you have to handle."
"Mika can we just. We've already done this so-"
Yuu stops himself lips pulling into a grimace. A deep breath inward and the lines on his face soften and he's one again leaning into Mika's space. There's a brush on his skin and Mika looks down, watching the way Yuu draws circles into the back of his hand, the movement makes him far dizzier then it has any right to. "Come on Mika, I know you're still hungry.
"I- I'm fine."
"Mika."
"What? Honestly, I'm fine."
"Come on." Yuu skirts his fingers upward, till he's pushing Mika's hair back around his ears, fingers gliding along their pointy edges. He's using his grip to pull him back in.
"Yuu why… why do you let me do this to you?"
Yuu stops trying to pull Mika in, instead his hand freezes. "Because you need blood."
"But you shouldn't just because I want something doesn't mean - "
"Need you idiot." Yuu says, tightening his grip, sending a harsh sting of pain through his scalp. "Why can't you understand that?"
"Yuu."
"What? You need blood, I've got that. I don't see the problem."
"Because it hurts you, why can't you understand that?" He's yelling again, can feel the grate of the words as they leave his throat before he can register the way the words echo back off the brick. Even if he cannot stop himself from being a monster he's determined not to let himself become monstrous. A steady breath inward and he hopes when he speaks his voice carries the softness he wishes to wrap the other boy up in. "I'm supposed to protect you and yet here I am hurting you, for my own gain."
"Not dying isn't some gain. Besides, if you wanted to help me you would let yourself live. Please just stay alive for me."
Mika turns his head to the side he can't stand to see the way tears gather in Yuu's eyes, the way he tightens his hands into fists. It may have been years since he's seen Yuu like this, but he still can decipher it's meaning. He remembers how much stock Yuu put into maintaining his confident uncaring persona. How he wasn't going to let anyone see the way they hurt him. He'd hurt Yuu. It seemed no matter what Mika did even when trying to protect him he only seemed to cause him more harm. "Yuu. It's - family isn't supposed to hurt. Just because you consider someone part of your family doesn't mean it's okay if they hurt you."
"Mika you're being dramatic. It's not that bad."
Mika remembers what it was like to be drunk from when he was human. Remembers the sick feeling that rolled through him as soon as Ferid placed his hand on his shoulder to steady him, before sinking his fangs inward. Remembers how powerless and small he felt. How trapped he was.
"It's… I don't know. It's kind of nice."
Mika snaps his gaze up to Yuu. "Nice?"
"Well I don't know, it's… I like knowing that I'm helping you. It's like well, I'm the first person you've ever drank from so in a way it's like our thing. Also it's kind of um… intimate. It needs a lot of trust and it's nice to have that kind of trust." There's a slight tug on his hair, as Yuu twists and twists his fingers around the loc still in his grip. "Don't you think?"
To vampires drinking blood is not an intimate or sacred act, to them humans are nothing but a food source. They do not care for their livestocks safety or comfort. Humans are nothing but a source of food. They do not care for their safety and certainly not for their comfort. He's seen vampires lie and manipulate and use their venom to subdue their victims but once they were no longer useful they held no purpose. Drinking blood was not something private or trusting. It was solely for the gain of the vampire. Sometimes he thinks they got more from the chase than from the very blood that substances them.
Mika doesn't say any of this. But he's never been good at being a vampire, he's not sure he can say he was ever good at being a human either. And with Yuu it….
Maybe he can understand what Yuu's implying. He doesn't think he could drink someone else's blood even if he was truly starving. God his blood was so… but it wasn't just that maybe it would be easier to think of it that way, blame all his flaws, all his greedy nature on the monster that's poison flows through him, then to admit that it's about so much more. It's well it's getting to be so close to Yuu. To get to feel his warmth, to run his hands up his neck skirting along the choppy edges of his hair. To know that he is the first and only person to hold Yuu like this, to get to drink his blood that this is something for them and them alone. And maybe more than anything it's about knowing that Yuu trusts him that he believes despite everything that Mika cares for him that he will do his best not to hurt him.
"Yeah I guess it is."
"It's nice to be close to you again." Yuu's leaning forward, bracing his free hand by Mika's thigh. Their faces are so close together Mika feels the air leave Yuu's lips before he can process the words. "You're my family and family takes care of each other and I'm glad I'm getting that chance once more."
Lately Mika's wondered if Yuu was flirting with him, or if he simply said the first thing that came to mind, zero awareness of how it came across, of the implications. Maybe he's just learned that it works, that all he has to do is lean a little too close and Mika becomes putty in his hands, complacent to all his wishes.
"I fucked it up when we're kids. You, I always thought of you, all of you as my family. I guess I was just scared that if I… well if I let you in and something happened, if one of you got adopted, or later turned, killed any of it. I think I knew I couldn't survive something like that, but I'm not going to fuck it up this time."
Yuu, sweet beautiful Yuu. Even when he was young and melodramatic he was still so caring. It has always made Mika wish to reach out to wrap his arms around this broken boy and attempt to push everything together if only for a moment.
Before he can think it through he's pushing himself against Yuu until his back collides with the wall. His arms are wrapped tight enough around that if he couldn't sense the steady lull of his heartbeat he'd be scared he was cutting off circulation.
"You didn't fuck it up Yuu. I - It was always obvious to me how much you cared and the kids, they loved you so much. I always thought you were their favorite. You were just a kid and the world was fucked up and you did what you could. It was I was -"
"It wasn't your fault at least you tried something. Don't say that. Don't say that it. Just don't."
Even now Mika doesn't know how to feel about that night and every single night that followed it. So many of those nights have passed and he still feels like he hasn't processed any of it. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it is so clear that he was a kid in a dire situation that he didn't know any better that there wasn't anything that would change the results. They were all going to die eventually.
Sometimes he wishes he could wrap his hands around Ferid's throat, sometimes he wishes he could sink his fangs into him and drink every last drop of his blood, sometimes he wants to find that stupid gun, that same stupid gun and press its trigger to his head. It's easy after all, all of it was his fault.
Sometimes it muddles. Sometimes he's forced to confront that nothing is that simple, that he had a part in that tragedy, that he provided the monster with the weapon that slaughtered his family.
Sometimes he hates Krul, because it would have been so much easier if he was allowed to die. If he had gotten his wish, if he wasn't forced to carry himself through every single day through every one of those torturous nights. Sometimes he hates himself for how selfish that thought is. He's needed now. Yuu needs him. He needs to be ripped away from those leeches, from those stupid pesky humans that dare to harm him.
Sometimes he hates Yuu. That's the worst of it. Yuu has suffered in many of the same ways he has suffered and who is to decide that his life is worse, that Yuu isn't allowed to grieve, to mourn, to ache in the ways that overwhelm him.
Why? Why did he leave him? Why did this happen? Why couldn't he have taken him with him? Why can't he let this go? Why can't he just hate himself instead? He wants to take it, all of it, the burden of that night wants to accept it as it is. He hates himself for how he still can't decipher how he feels. How even all these years later nothing has changed. None of it. He thinks it will always be like this. He hopes for the sake of their memories it does stay. That they get to live eternal in his head, even if it is only the image of the worst moment of their lives. He hopes for his own sake that's true because the forgetting is all the more bitter when it comes crawling back and he realizes he thinks about them less, that they are truly fading, disappearing from all forms of existence.
"Okay then you can't either. Let's just say it was neither of our faults. It's just, it happened and we'll were here and it fucking sucks but it's just that's it were here and that's all there can be right now."
"Okay." Yuu leans back, sliding down the gritty chipped wall, but keeps his grip on his hand running smoothing circles into its skin.
Mika sits in front of him, lets them both collect their breath. It's been a longtime since either of them have gotten to talk about that night, since they've been with someone who could truly understand that level of devastation.
"We should probably head back soon." Mika says going to stand up, but Yuu tightens his grip before he gets the chance. "Don't think you're getting out of this that easily."
"Yuu."
"Nope. You're not leaving here till you're actually full for once."
"But -"
"Nope."
“Please," Mika groans, "I don't -"
"Nope. You're trapped here."
"And trapped here with you." He shakes head, clicking his tongue.
Drawing his hand up to his chest, Yuu gasps in mock outrage.
Mika grins up at him, before darting to his feet trying to gain as much ground as he can.
"You little." Yuu pushes himself up and after him.
There's a weight on Mika's back that slows him down and then an arm that wraps around his shoulder trapping him against Yuu.
"Why can't you just?"
Mika turns, Yuu's arm slipping down his shoulder and the crook of his elbow, just to smile at him condescendingly. "It was worth a shot."
Yuu glares in return. "Sit now."
"I thought vampires were supposed to be the controlling ones."
"Well I thought vampires were supposed to actually like drinking blood."
"I do like drinking blood."
"Well act like it." It's stupid, but Yuu's sticking his chin out and acting ridiculously proud of himself and it feels so much like it used to. Childish squabbling he can fall back into, be who he wishes he was without having to force what little humanity still hopefully lives inside him out.
"Yeah, yeah. Can we just hurry up so that the team doesn't come looking for us."
“Oh so now you're worried about not delaying this.”
Mika grumbles, before moving to sit where they just were. “I don't see why we have to do this. I'm fine.”
“Just shut up. I'm not stupid, you haven't stopped glancing at my neck this whole time with your evil hungry vampire eyes.”
Somehow it’s all the more intimidating sitting across from Yuu than it was mere moments ago.
“Mika, It’s okay.” Yuu’s hands are back on his face. The warmest thing he has felt in a long time.
“It’s not. None of it is.”
Yuu sighs, letting his head rest back against the bricks, hands slowly falling into a ball in his lap. It takes everything in Mika not to sway forward, back into the warmth.
“Come on. You can’t back out now.”
Oh if only Yuu knew how much he was holding back. He certainly wouldn’t encourage him, tempt him. “Who says I was.”
“I thought vampires were supposed to be fast, this is taking forever.”
“While if you stopped moving maybe it would be easier.”
“You’re the one who said we should try and head back before the others notice.” Yuu says, but he stops his movements, drawing his back flush to the wall.
Mika finds himself unable to move frozen, locked on the sight of the puncture wounds visible where Yuu’s collar is still hanging open.
“I’m not moving till you can stop hungrily staring at my neck.”
Mika snaps his gaze up to where Yuu has lifted one of his eyebrows. He doesn’t think he could do that. No matter how much he drank, even if he drained him dry, he thinks he would still want.
In a bizarre twist of fate he wishes for that mind altering hunger. He misses the ache, misses the way it eclipsed his every thought. It was so much easier to indulge when he didn’t have to do so consciously, without having to analyze the weight of Yuu’s gaze.
It feels wrong to do this now. When it tips more into want than need. And oh, how he wants.
Yuu’s staring at him, eyebrows raised in a way Mika knows means get on with it. How he can be the one in power when crowded against the wall by a fucking vampire he doesn’t understand, maybe it’s simply a testament to how much influence he has over him.
He refuses to let Yuu win whatever stupid game of chicken he’s playing. God, he is going to wipe that stupid self righteous smirk off his stupidly beautiful face.
Bracing one hand on the dusty floor, he allows himself to sway inward to sink himself into Yuu’s heat.
When he breathes inevitably cool air across Yuu’s neck, he can feel him shiver underneath him.
Maybe Yuu is right about him still being hungry, because when he lifts his head enough to stare at his target he feels woozy, enveloped by too much. He can’t stand it. It’s torture to be so close to everything and not. Oh god, he is really weaker than he thought.
Normally Yuu runs his hands through Mika’s hair to draw him that final bit inward or up his back as he whispers encouraging words far sweeter than any of his kind deserves, but for some reason Yuu is determined to make him do this on his own.
Mika lifts his other hand using it to run through Yuu’s hair and drag his head back until his neck is extended.
He can see the veins that run under his skin pulse with every harsh breath that escapes his lips. Tightening his grip on the thick strands of his head, he drags his fangs lightly over his skin just to feel the way his pulse jumps. His teeth scrape over where he felt his earlier mark. There’s a sick sort of satisfaction in knowing he has branded Yuu, that there’s a reminder of this moment. It’ll certainly hurt more, but Mika can’t find it in himself to care anyway. He instead lines himself up with the fresh wound and sinks his teeth into the warmth that rushes through every part of Yuu.
Once more Mika is lost in the abyss that is Yuu. It's so good that it might just drive him insane. Ambrosia the forbidden nectar of the gods. He is nowhere near a god, so undeserving of the beauty that is Yuu that flows and drifts through every part of him, that’s got to live inside his heart. And yet he takes it anyway, snatches it away for himself, lets it flow through him instead.
He pushes himself closer till he can feel his legs knocking into Yuu’s. He.. He… He’s never felt so enveloped before. He is filled to the brim with Yuu, unable to keep up with the pace in which Yuu’s gift spills into his mouth. There’s a pressure building in his eyes. He’s surprised that tears do not fall; he's never felt so cared for, so… loved.
Selfish. Stupid selfishness, that’s what he is selfish. He whines against Yuu’s neck, before pulling away.
Once he catches his breath, he draws his gaze down to Yuu’s neck. There’s a small trickle of glistening scarlet running down his neck and well it’s only going to waste and it’s not like Yuu can use it once it’s leaked past his skin, so he might as well.
Before he can think about how bad an idea that thought is, his tongue is already running along salty skin.
It’s not like there’s any point in stopping not now, when Yuu pushes further against the wall pushing his neck closer to Mika, hand tightening where it’s clasped at the edge of his jacket.
Mika licks his way up Yuu’s neck. Yuu’s breath hitches and Mika can’t help wondering if Yuu’s more sensitive higher on his neck and now that the thought’s there he can’t let it go. And well Yuu’s still not saying anything, so what’s the harm in one more taste even if the saltiness that lingers on his tongue is only from the sweat from their last battle.
Awareness runs through him. Shockingly cold when his nose bumps the edge of Yuu’s ear. There’s no explanation, no excuse, nothing to justify this. Nothing, but the reality of the greedy monster he is.
Yuu freezes. Once he looks at him, Yuu is going to have to face who he has become and he will cease to be the Mika he knew, he trusted, no that sad little boy will finally get to die. Though Mika’s never been that lucky. A part of that boy, that stupid naive little boy will always live within him. And he doesn’t… It seems that when given the chance, stupidly, naively, selfishly he clings to life and he doesn’t want to lose what he’s only just started to rediscover.
A stupid ridiculously stupid part of him wants to keep that boy alive. Yuu, he’s always been able to see through him and with him he started to feel a little more like that boy, a little happier, a little more human. He was freer than, even as he felt so trapped. Freer in his affections, freer in words, freer in his surety. He can’t lose that. Can’t let that little boy die. When it truly comes down to it, as much as he may think differently, he chooses to live, to survive, even as he feels he’d rather die, even as he feels like he is dying. And with that thought Mika forces himself away from Yuu.
He doesn’t get far, as Yuu grabs his hand.
He can’t.
He can’t.
He can’t hide anymore.
He forces his gaze up to Yuu, who’s staring at him eyes wide and mouth dropped as he struggles to regain his breath.
Once again he says nothing. The silence is a heavy, weight suffocating the words Mika has yet to even think. He wants to run, flee, scream, burrow, hide, cry but all he can do is sit on the slightly sticky floor and stare at Yuu.
Yuu’s gaze drifts down to his lips, then darts back up to his eyes and before Mika can wonder about what that could possibly mean they drop back down again.
Could he.. Was he…
“Mika.” Yuu’s voice is hesitant, light enough it's more a breath than a word.
This is his only chance he’s certain. He crashes forward, knocking into Yuu’s lips with more force than necessary. It takes a second for him to stop, breathe through his nose and soften the pressure.
Yuu makes some kind of noise and Mika’s starting to wonder if he’s read the whole thing wrong and all he’s succeeded in doing is fucking everything up even more. He pulls back, sucking in the cold stale air, he only gets far enough to see the rough shapes of Yuu's hair, before there’s a hand in his hair drawing him closer and lips sliding against his own much softer than last time, but no less urgent.
And god he knew. He knew that he wouldn’t survive knowing what it’s like to kiss Yuu without being able to do it again. It still feels a bit like dying, like his heart might explode right out his chest in a desperate attempt to be closer to Yuu.
Yuu pulls back, thumping his head against the bricks, his hold slackens, but his fingers stay buried in his hair.
Mika is once again stuck staring at Yuu, awaiting his judgment.
Thankfully Yuu doesn’t wait for Mika to make a move this time. Instead he shakes his head and says, “We should uh… probably get back before they start to worry.”
“I thought you didn’t care about that.” What the fuck is wrong with him. Why is he dragging this out, trapping himself more?
Yuu shrugs. “You’re full now though, right.”
“Yeah um thanks… I guess.”
“No problem.”
“Right.”
The silence stretches and Mika isn't sure if he's supposed to stand up or if he's cursed to stay here so close to Yuu and yet still unable to…
A bright smirk grows on Yuu’s face and that light teasing tone is back. “See, it’s not so hard is it.”
Even now as he cradles Mika’s heart in his hand, one move away from shattering it, he can still make him laugh. “Right.”
Yuu leans in closer and before Mika can think it through, process anything, they’re kissing again.
“We should probably head back.” Yuu says, struggling to get the words out as Mika keeps chasing his words, leaving pecks between every breath. He can't let him pull away, can't risk losing this. God he already feels so ruined by this stupid oblivious boy.
“Hmmm”
Yuu pushes him lightly. “Mika.”
“I thought you didn’t care about that.”
“If we’re gone for too long, they might, I don’t know, think…”
“Oh…” Mika falls back so his weight rests on his heels, “I mean if you don’t want.”
“Fuck it. If they’re going to think it anyway might as well actually.” Yuu runs his hand up Mika’s neck, pulling him back onto his lips.
Mika pulls away. “You don’t care if they think.” He can’t bring himself to say it, to risk shattering whatever this is, instead he lets his gaze drop back to Yuu’s lips.
“Why would I?”
Mika shrugs. “Well cause I mean I…” There’s so much to say there. Where to even start on what Yuu’s new family would think of him being here with a fucking vampire spreading Yuu’s own blood against his lips. “I tried to kill your friends. I tried to separate you. I well I drink your blood because, I’m oh a fucking vampire.”
Yuu drags his hand up Mika’s neck pointer catching under his jaw, while his thumb runs circles over his cheeks. “I’m pretty sure they all know I like you.”
“What?”
“I mean it's not like we’ve been exactly subtle.”
And oh god. Yuu was, has been flirting with him. This whole time he's been. Maybe for once Yuu's right. Maybe he's the oblivious one. Yuu this whole time. He wants to laugh giddy and bright. He's so stupid. “Yeah?”
“I mean I never like said anything, but I don’t know I talk about you like a lot and since you’ve been back I’ve been a bit obsessive.”
“You like me.”
Yuu stares at him, before darting forward, kissing his hard enough it seems almost like a punishment. “What do you think? What did you think this was?”
“I” God he really needs to pull himself together, or at least remember how to breath. “I’m in love with you, like very much in love with you.”
“Oh.”
Why the fuck did he have to say that? He can’t look at Yuu’s face right now, that was way too fast and way too fucking far.
“I…” Yuu clears his throat and Mika clearly didn’t cast his gaze far enough, because he can still watch the way Yuu’s throat moves as he swallows. “I love you too”
And suddenly Mika’s head snaps up too and in his desperate need to get close to Yuu he may have squished him into the wall. “Really.”
“No duffus.” A laugh tumbles from Yuu, “Of course I do.”
Mika can’t handle this, doesn’t know what to do with the overwhelming happiness that floods through him, so he reaches out his hands cupping both sides of Yuu’s face and kisses him in a rather pathetic attempt to calm whatever's brewing beneath his sternum.
Eventually he goes to pull back and Yuu’s hands that had somehow found their way back into his hair, drags him in till their foreheads are together and he can feel every one of Yuu’s breaths waft across his face. Mika opens his eyes and even though Yuu’s closed his eyes, he’s still far too close for him to handle looking at, so instead he closes his eyes and nudges Yuu’s forehead. “We probably should head back through.”
“They can think what they want.” And who is Mika to deny Yuu something he wants.