Chapter Text
It all began when Lestat got an idea.
Yes. That Lestat with an idea. Lestat got the idea from watching Billy Crystal in City Slickers rounding up cattle. Somewhere between the third dramatic speech and the dust clouds, Lestat clapped his hands and announced, “I can do that.”
I know it's scary, huh? Lestat with an idea? Hell any blond with an idea is scary. This is why blond immortals should not be allowed to watch movies unattended.
"We need a new narrator!" Lestat shouts, "This one is prejudiced by gorgeous blondes! I am the star of this fic and refuse to work under these conditions!"
"Actually you didn't read the fine print in your contract. It says here I can make whatever jokes I want...however I want.. as badly as we want. Also, it says that Armand gets top billing, followed by Louis... in fact you are listed under Benji..."
There was a long silence.
Lestat muttered something deeply unflattering about having his lawyer Christine for dinner while angrily rereading the contract.
"Lestat come on and let the narrator do her job!" Louis yells.
Fine, back to Lestat's idea. He decided to teach Mojo how to round up squirrels. Yes, squirrels. Mojo, being a dog with entirely too much enthusiasm and not a shred of common sense, took to this task with alarming skill. He herded them. He cornered them. He organized them. Lestat watched proudly, thinking this was hilarious and not at all a terrible decision that would end in chaos. One evening, while Lestat was out feeding and feeling very pleased with himself, Mojo conducted an unsanctioned squirrel roundup and chased his entire furry army straight through the doggy door of Rue Royal. Mojo just wanted to play. The squirrels wanted to live there now.
Louis, meanwhile, was lying on the carpet in front of the fireplace, deeply engrossed in a trashy romance novel. He was reading for “research purposes,” which at the moment meant figuring out how to keep Lestat interested in bed without committing murder. He did not notice any of the squirrels. He did not notice the ones racing across the floor. Nor the ones climbing the furniture. He was so absorbed that he did not notice the one using his shoulder as a launching pad and certainly not the one nesting in his hair.
When Lestat came home positively glowing from his dinner... he froze in the doorway. Then he laughed so hard he had to brace himself against the wall.
Louis was oblivious as he frowned and swiped at his head. “Hush, Lestat. I AM READING.” He flicked the squirrel out of his hair he assumed reasonably that Lestat was bothering him again.
Lestat stared at him amused saying, "but chaton..."
"Not now Lestat stop that," he said interrupting him and swiping at his own back. "Just let me finish the ending of this book first!"
Lestat rolled his eyes as he decided to sit down on the sofa, with his arms folded, to watch and wait to see how long it took Louis to notice all the squirrels. A couple minutes later Louis looked up from his book and angrily said, "Lestat I said no..." the words died on his lips as he finally noticed the entire squirrel population of New Orleans occupying his home. The squirrel invasion that was secretly led by Gen. Mojo. He screamed and flailed wildly as he realized the squirrels were on him so he jumped up from the floor knocking them off as Lestat laughed.
"It's not funny Lestat and this is all your fault!"
"My fault Louis? How so? I wasn't even home to do this!" He said laughing but he kept to himself that he had secretly taught Mojo to roundup squirrels. He decided that was probably a bad decision but it was funny not scary.
"How did they get in the house Louis, hmm? You were the one home. So you are responsible for this, chaton." He said innocently waving his arms around. "Louis, are you going vegetarian again but using squirrels instead of rats this time, chaton? You should store them in the refrigerator, love."
Louis stood there seething knowing it is his Maker's fault but he did not exactly know how to prove it was his fault. Because he had no idea how this happened... he seethed thinking that he just did not have the evidence and witnesses to blame him. So he stomped his foot and said, "No and I am not dealing with this," he quickly left the room for their bedroom after yelling down the stairs, "l am leaving until this mess is cleaned up!"
Lestat followed him saying, "Good we need a vacation and the coven was discussing a reunion in the Bahamas in the chatroom last night. I will book a villa and send out an email to everyone."
Louis slammed the bedroom door.
"Don't forget to call an exterminator!" Louis shouted.
Lestat grinned.
Things were about to get so much worse.