Work Text:
The year is 1890. You are 24 years old.
Nikola Tesla is a household name.
You gripped the envelope in your hands harder than you should have, ruining its former kept appearance. Readily, a voice in the back of your head whispered for you to go back and grab another. Because clearly this one was in no presentable shape. Stall for time. But you could not do that, you had already stalled enough on the way here. Thankfully, Tesla was not one to notice at what time you arrived. Otherwise, he would be very worried by now, after all you are late by at least two hours. You felt guilty, you knew he had not made lunch for himself, you should have arrived in time and just get this done with. Then go on with work as usual.
But could you go on with work as usual after you gave him the envelope? You stood glued to the ground, looking at the door in front of you. Knowing that behind it was your closest friend, the most incredible mind of your generation and someone who you... No, you dared not think it.
Still no matter what you told yourself you would have to get in eventually, you sighed. You took out your key and opened the door, as usual you could hear Tesla working. This time he was writing some things down on the blackboard that had been moved to the center of the room. A rueful smile dawned on your features and without turning around Tesla greeted you.
“Good afternoon, (y/n) what a surprise to see you arrive so late!” Astonishment flashed on your face; you had not expected him to notice. But as rare of an event as it was, it was not the first time it had happened so although it surprised you it had not been enough to make you forget the anxious feeling that resided in your heart.
“Yes, sorry Tesla, I had some things to take care of before I left home today.” Without giving you even the slightest sign he had heard you he simply went back to his equations, had it been anyone else talking to him right now they would have probably remarked on his apparent rudeness. Meanwhile you could not help but think about how endearing he was when focused, which did lighten your heart a bit. But it was short lived, the envelope you held reminding you of its presence, making sure you had not a single moment’s peace today.
Nevertheless, since Tesla had not seen it, you decided not to hand it over to him just yet. So, in silence you made your way to the kitchen and started preparing a simple lunch for Tesla since, as you could see by the lack of plates to wash, he had not eaten anything, as expected. Leaving the envelope on the table right in front of the counters, you decided to get to work.
As much as you would have preferred to go help Tesla with whatever project he was working on, someone had to cook otherwise he would not eat at all, eventually it would take a toll on Tesla’s physical health (even if he denied such a thing) that you knew wouldn’t stop him from working even if it should. As you cut the vegetables bought not so long ago by yourself and made enough soup for both the late lunch Tesla would have now and dinner, you could not help but think about how strange it was to cook just for him. Not long ago you would have had to make sure you made enough for yourself but now you more often than not did not eat with him even on days when you spent most of the time working with him.
A sorrowful smile appeared on your face as you wondered if he cared about such a thing. But you did not dwell on that thought, afraid of the answer no matter which one it was.
Once you finished preparing the soup you served it and instead of calling for Tesla you went to him. Knowing very well that most of the time calling for him was of no use. So, you did go to him and leaned against the blackboard, appearing in his field of vision at the expense of your clothes having to deal with some chalk, still being careful not to erase anything. This time he did look at you, his face, impassive.
“Yes (y/n)?”
“It’s time for some lunch Tesla, make haste.” He knew it would be useless to argue with you so with a nod he walked over to the kitchen, you following behind. Which quickly proved to be a mistake because something had been forgotten on the kitchen table, something Tesla just as quickly noticed and grabbed it without saying anything.
The envelope.
He saw his name on it, curiously it was from you which intrigued him, he opened it as he spoke and as you tried to hide your growing desperation, “A letter from you to me? What could you not tell me in person? Oh, I see.”
When he finished opening it, it became very apparent what it was and why you had given him a letter and not just told him. It was a wedding invitation. You did not say anything, you simply watched him read it, your eyes on him, desperately wanting to read his reaction before he could say anything.
“Well (y/n) I’m happy for you! I did not know you were spoken for.” Neither his voice nor his face had changed from before reading the letter to after which made your heart drop. He did not care. You knew he would not, of course. You had known that for a long time, that is why you had accepted your mother’s decision to marry you off. Nevertheless, it hurt. It hurt so bad you had to fight not to fall on your knees and let your tears run free.
“Yes, I did not think it necessary to mention, since it would not affect my work, not by much at least.” It was hard for you to speak, you felt drained by the sudden attack of dejection. Realizing now that you had deluded yourself for too long. He hummed at your words, his eyes had not left the letter yet and you were thankful for that, because if he looked at you in the eyes right now you feared it would be too much.
“But you do eat less often with me, and you arrive late.” You had hoped to catch accusation in his tone but there was nothing. His tone was as flat as ever.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” You sighed.
“Is he someone I know?” Tesla asked, his voice in his usual tone.
“If you happen to know the McHenry’s then yes. Otherwise, I fear I have never formally presented him to you.” He was so cruel. How could he just ask questions like these? This was not the first time he unknowingly said something that deeply pained you, it seemed he had a certain knack for it.
“You will leave me but not without saying goodbye. I can’t say the same for myself.” Tesla chuckled and the sound made your heart feel so warm you could swear it was going to start burning through your chest. But it was only after that comment that he finally lifted his eyes from the paper, slowly putting it back on the envelope, seemingly trying not to ruin it further.
The laugh and his eyes returning to you had distracted you, however. It took you longer than it should for his words to sink in. But when they finally do, a memory quickly flashes through your head.
["How could you just leave me without a goodbye?"] Your own words echo in your head.
[He is taken aback by the accusation in your voice. "I…I had nowhere to go, (y/n). You're young. I did not wish to drag you down my path of exile."] But his ring louder. It takes you yet a few more seconds to answer Tesla who was staring at you with his usual mien, but he seemed to be standing more awkwardly than usual.
When you finally answered him, it took everything in you not to cry, “Tesla, I’m not going to leave you. This is my job. This is my passion. Being married won’t change that. It’s... It’s of course true that there are times where I’ll have to prioritize hi- my married life but I will still be here to do my job. To follow my passion,” the last part you added in a lower voice, sounding as strained as you felt, “To help you.”
For a second you could swear he was analyzing your reaction, surprised by the emotion behind your words, “Then I have nothing to worry about. I will admit I was saddened at the prospect of losing my friend and partner, selfish as that is. Perhaps I should give you more days off?” His tone is light, but not sarcastic and you compose yourself mentally after your and his words. Your tongue feeling heavy in your mouth with all that you wanted to honestly say weighing down on it, and your heart pounding at his words.
His friend and partner. Yes, you have been that for a long time, haven’t you? From the moment you risked your job (and did actually lose it) for this strange man until now. A friend and partner.
“Perhaps you should.” You smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back, simply discarding the invite by leaving it where he found it. And before he could say anything else, you spoke up again, “You should eat. Before the soup gets cold.” Silently he nodded and sat at the table, waiting for you to serve him, and at this your heart warmed but it quickly you wondered how many more times you were going to make food for him. After you served him even though you felt despondent and being near him only made it worse, you decided to sit with him but not before grabbing a notebook where you can do some calculations to entertain yourself.
During meals it was normal for both of you to be silent. More often than not you two would be too busy thinking about the experiment you were working on before sitting down to eat. This time wasn’t any different, he ate silently alongside you except that you weren’t thinking of any particular research or recent work. No, you were trying to distract yourself with calculations but all you could think about was the man sitting in front of you.
Thinking of his words of how little reaction he had had to your announcement even though you were ready to faint at his doorstep a couple of hours before. But what reaction had you been expecting exactly? What reaction did you want him to have right now? Wasn’t the fact that he had been scared to lose you as a friend and partner enough?
You almost ripped the paper writing down that ∈. And if Tesla noticed, he didn’t say anything.
It wasn’t enough because he was someone who you... No, you dared not think about it. But maybe you should. If you were going to sit down and try to hold yourself back from crying you might as well just say it. It would stay between you and yourself after all. Or it would have if you hadn’t let out a sob by accident.
“(y/n)?” Tesla said surprise clear in his voice. He had just finished eating but he did not pick up his plate instead he went straight to you. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. What’s happening?” Cry? Oh yes, you were crying had been for a bit too, but you hadn’t noticed it and now you felt a bit foolish for not having noticed it, it was so obvious with your blurry vision and smudged equations. Worse even was the fact that he had noticed it, and you didn’t have a good excuse.
Still, you lifted your head and looked at him, your expression was one of dolefulness, paining Tesla, “It’s just... You don’t care, do you?” Tesla furrowed his brows at that, he was worried and now confused as well.
“(y/n), what do you mean? I care for you if that’s what you mean, I’m worried. Seeing you cry like that.” You chuckled bitterly, he cared to that extent, of course he did but it wasn’t enough. As you watched him watch you, you wondered what reasons he was making up in his head for you to be crying about.
“Tesla,” you took a deep breath, might as well just do it now, say what you hadn’t said before, say what you have been meaning to say ever since you saw that message in his favorite book that had been left for you.
["To (y/n), my friend.
I am indebted to them forever.
N.T."]
“I say you don’t care because you... I’m in love with you. I’m getting married but I’m in love with you and I’ve entertained the idea that maybe you feel the same way for way too long. When you father said... When your father said that you often spoke of me, I wondered if maybe it was because I was just as dear to your heart as you are to mine. But today, your reaction, it was... It was disappointing it was not what I expected I wish I could take the invite back and just pretend you love me but don’t have the courage to tell me.” You were speaking fast, trying to keep your tears and hiccups at bay so he could understand every word you said. You felt out of breath by the end of it, so much so that you dropped your pencil and brought your hands to your chest clutching it because it hurt, you couldn’t breathe, and it hurt. It hurt so much. Your eyes were getting blurry again and you desperately did not want that to happen, you wanted to see his reaction.
“You...” His eyes were wide, he had not expected this, not in a million years not right after you brought him an invitation to your wedding. But your words had made him pause, he felt as if the world was thousands of miles away from him and you. He closed his fists for a second before sighing and kneeling in front of you, “I’m not any good at this. I’ve never done this before.” His voice is low as he speaks clearly, weighed down by insecurity which is even more obvious by his expression and by how he avoids your eyes even though his face is the only thing in front of you.
He continues, “Why didn’t you say this before? Perhaps I’m too blame as well, I didn’t say anything either, but you are so young, especially compared to me.” You felt your breath catch on your throat; you lifted your head to stare at him. You stayed still afraid that any movement might ruin this moment and make Tesla take back all he just said. “It’s perhaps too late for us to say anything about this to each other.”
“It isn’t.” You spoke carefully, watching him as he finally turned his eyes towards yours. You felt your heart squeeze painfully at the sight, he seemed just as despondent as you felt. “I can break it off. Let me, break it off.”
He pondered your words, everything that was happening felt unreal in a few hours he had discovered you were going to get married but that you loved him as he loved you and that you’re willing to break it all off for him. He also wondered how long you have liked him for, Tesla himself could not tell you when he fell for you. When you first met one his first thought had been that you were beautiful, then you stood up for him, a complete stranger, in front of Edison and at that moment he had felt the luckiest man in the world all thanks to you. So perhaps that had been when the seed was planted, when it bloomed, he could not tell but it had always been there. Now, he had the chance to nourish what had been borne of the seed with you but what of your reputation? You were breaking an engagement to be with him of all people, not to mention that he was older than you.
“(y/n) it’s not as simple as that, you are young and smart you-” You stopped him by putting a finger to your lips and shushing him.
“You’re a fool Tesla, do you know that? It is as simple as that. I’m already seen as eccentric by working with you and loudly supporting you, breaking an engagement to be with you of all people would be expected. And about my age...” You sighed with a tired chuckle, “You always bring that up. When we first got separated you said you did not tell me because I was young. Have you considered that I don’t care? That if this had been an issue, I wouldn’t have followed you everywhere?” You chuckled again, “And to think I’ve been suffering wondering if you loved me back even though you do and just didn’t say anything because of my age!” You got up from the chair, making Tesla stand properly and take a step back. You smiled at him and shook your head exasperated.
“Not only that but also because, I’m not like most men or people in general there’s quirks, for lack of a better wor-” You interrupted him again, this time your tear-stained face displayed anger.
“Your quirks, as you put it, are nothing I hadn’t even thought of them! They’re just how you are, do you think I care that I can’t wear earrings or that food must be divisible by three? I don’t even care that touch is limited and I know that’s your biggest worry, but trust me, that is the norm for me now that I’ve been with you for so many years. I don’t care, not in this world or the next.” You took a deep breath before continuing, “Please just, tell me to break it off. Let me be with you.”
As he said his next words his voice lowered, it was barely above a whisper when he said, “Break it off, please (y/n).” Tears threatened to fall once again as you nodded and answered.
“Yes. Yes, I shall.”