Work Text:
Sometimes Osomatsu hid to cry, it had been a habit he had developed in middle school and had consolidated in high school. In such a small house and with so many people around it was logical to look for a place where he could have privacy, which was funny because Osomatsu did not like to be alone.
Osomatsu knows why he started his habit of hiding to cry, but he is not going to think about that, his favorite places to cry were always small and dark places, they made him feel protected and safe, crying was something he needed and needs to do often, so crying in silence became his specialty, sometimes he didn't know why he had this strong need to cry, (That's a lie, yes he knew) it just appeared suddenly and Osomatsu had to take care of it.
As the years went by, finding a private place to cry in his house became an almost impossible task, being NEETs there were always at least two people hanging around the house so he started to go out, first it was a couple of hours, he would leave his house "early" and come back at dinner time, there were no problems or suspicions, he usually just walked aimlessly and locked himself in a public restroom, That worked well for the first few months, but little by little he was lengthening more and more the time he spent away from home to let off steam, this began to generate suspicions and questions as it was not normal for Osomatsu to wake up early under any circumstances, so he stopped doing it for a while and returned to the routine of going out in the afternoon and returning for dinner.
During those periods at home he began to drink more, his head felt pleasantly numb and his chest felt light again. That was fine, Osomatsu continued to drink a little more each time, there were even seasons where he would stay away from the pachinko to still have money to spend on the cheapest beer he could find, but this like everything else in Osomatsu's life did not stick.
Money became scarce at the end of the month and his brothers had become very good at hiding their money, so Osomatsu ran out of reserves, that's when leaving the house became a necessity as big as breathing.
Osomatsu had always had problems with his sleep schedule which only got worse with his life as a NEET, he could either sleep 18 hours a day or not sleep for days at a time, this used to happen when there was nothing to help him relax and the time he endured in this state became shorter and shorter, so having memorized his parents' schedule he would get up an hour before them, go to the bathroom, put back on his clothes of the day which he intentionally put last in the laundry basket and leave the house as quietly as he had learned to be and walk as much as he could, until the sun began to set. Usually his mind seemed to stay in a pleasant static as he walked, thoughts would bounce around and pass by aimlessly, he never paid attention to them, so it was easier to go on without feeling pain or tiredness, but once he was far enough away and the sun was dangerously low Osomatsu would begin his search for a place to spend the night.
At home when it was his fourth consecutive day without sleep and doing it on the couch became suspicious is that he would go out to sleep in some park, at least a couple of hours, but it was not safe to stay in the parks at night, there were always policemen who thought he was drunk and threatened to take him to the police station. Osomatsu didn't need any of that, so sleeping in a park never crossed his mind.
Over time Osomatsu had found a small area with lots of vegetation that used to be deserted because it wasn't a comfortable place to sleep, which was fine because Osomatsu didn't even sleep in the first place, he just lay down near the bushes, which helped conserve some heat by being a barrier against the wind, he would lie down as comfortably as he could and let his tears flow, even let himself sob, just a little, never too loud of course, but even in relative silence Osomatsu could utter all the pitiful sounds that in other circumstances he would never make.
It is only in that small space that he allows himself to think carefully, to listen to all the thoughts that stir his mind and that he is so afraid of, he thinks about the future, about his lack of interest in the world or anything in general, he thinks about his brothers, he thinks about his parents and what will become of them when his parents die, he thinks about the crushing and painful feeling of being alone, of not knowing where his brothers are or when they will return, the uncertainty burns his chest and compresses his ribs and makes him feel 10 years old again, a cold sweat runs down his back while fear takes over him and invisible hands walk around his body, when he feels these hands Osomatsu stays still, he stays so still that he could be mistaken for a statue or a bird could stand on top of him without suspecting that he is alive, it is in that state that Osomatsu waits and waits, he waits for the ghostly sensation to disappear, the smell of a metal tube to fade away and he can start moving his body again, it is then when he incorporates and vomits in the bushes.
After that Osomatsu hugged himself, rocking slightly back and forth letting the last tears run down his cheeks as the words "I'm pathetic" "I suck" are repeated on loop.
When the sun rises again Osomatsu wipes his face and rinses his mouth in the public baths, starting his slow walk back home, he arrives in the early morning and with the same care and silence with which he left, he enters his house again, puts on his pajamas and gets into the futon with his siblings.
His siblings and parents had seen this cycle happen countless times and had stopped being alarmed or asking him where he was going, even if deep down they were afraid of losing Osomatsu the rest of the sextuplets believed that even if it took weeks or months Osomatsu would eventually return.
Osomatsu believed it too