Work Text:
Leanne’s POV
2nd of November 1983, 11:23 PM
I woke up with a feeling of urgency. I moved as if in a trance, putting on socks, slippers and a sweater, grabbing my journal and walking down the hall to my little brother Dean’s room and shook him awake. He whined a little and rolled over onto his side to look at me.
“Wha-What is it?” he yawned.
“Come on get up. We have to go now.”
Dean, used to the sometimes weird but always true things I said, got up quickly and put on socks and slippers. I handed him his hoodie and I helped him get it over his head. I took his hand and pulled out into the hallway. We heard a scream that sounded terrifyingly like our mothers and our dad ran past us into the nursery calling back to us:
“Do not move and wait here for me!”
Seconds later we could see light streaming out of the room like a millions candles at once. Moving a little closer I could see flames licking up the walls and ceiling and our dad ran out of the nursery with Sam. He handed Sam to me and told us to run. For second I was frozen but I shook it off and moved down the stairs, Sam on one arm and tugging Dean along with me with the other. We moved quickly, grabbing the packed baby bag in the entrance hall, and throwing the front door open, spilling out onto the lawn. The fire behind us was growing quickly and our dad came running out of the house, scooping up Dean and putting an arm behind my back to keep us moving. We came to a stop at the sidewalk, turning back just in time to see an explosion and the fire grew bigger, swallowing the house whole. We could see a black shadow move slowly to the window but moments later it was gone like it had been a figment of my imagination.
3rd of November, 01:13 AM
Sometime later we were sat on the hood of the Impala watching the firemen move around dousing the fire. The police had arrived half an hour earlier and had moved around getting statements from both our neighbors and our dad. They were far enough away that we couldn’t hear what they were saying but guessing from dad’s expression it was about our mother. At first I hadn’t realized what it meant, no that wasn’t true I had denied what had happened but since then it had slowly sunk in. My mother was dead. There, I had said it, and I was surprised the world hadn’t ended right then and there. I mean, yes me and my mother hadn’t been close in years now but she was still my mother. I couldn’t have even imagined a world that she wasn’t in and now it was a reality.
The grief I knew I should feel was absent, dulled by a comfortable blankness. I knew, logically, that I would have to deal with the loss but right now there was no time for grieving and crying. I knew that Dad would have a hard time functioning the next few days and someone had to care for Sam and Dean. I gave myself 10 minutes to grieve in and then I would have to get myself together and save it for later. I refused to cry now but I let myself feel the pain, the loss, the sorrow. My lung burned while I gasped for breath and I swallowed down the bile rising. I took a deep breath. Breath in 1-2-3-4, hold it 1-2-3-4, breath out 1-2-3-4, hold it 1-2-3-4. I used a meditative exercise that I had used many times before to calm myself down. Slowly my breathing evened out and my heart stopped feeling like it was trying to jump out of my chest. I looked down at Sam’s sleeping face, where he lay in my arms and turned to our dad who was holding Dean.
“Dad. We need to find a place to stay. We need food, clothes and blanke…” I said before I abruptly stopped as the burning feeling returned but this time it started at my heart and spread like a wild fire to my whole body. It hurt but not in a bad way. It felt like something settled in me, like I had been incomplete but didn’t know it. I opened my eyes, wondering when I had closed them, before looking up at my dad in wonder. He was staring at me open mouthed like he couldn’t believe what just happened. I couldn’t either for that matter but slowly it sunk in that I was an omega now. A presented omega. I could help feed my little brothers now that mother wasn’t here to do so anymore.
“Okay, so we need to stop at a pharmacy too and then we should be fine. “ I finished.
“Anne, honey are you sure you want to do it? You’re just a child yourself you shouldn’t have that responsibility. “Dad asked concerned.
“Dad, its fine honestly. I want to help in any way I can and this is something I can do now. Besides I have Seen too many things to really be a child anymore. “I answered decisively.
He didn’t look convinced but nodded eventually. He moved to get the baby car seat and the booster out of the boot and set up the bay seat in the back and the booster seat in the front. I took Sam and got him settled in the back and I sat next to him. Dad got Dean settled in the front. Dad moved around the car to the driver’s side and got in and started the car. It took around two hours to get to a mall in one of the bigger cities that was still open. We started in Walmart and got some canned food, water, juice, ingredients to make sandwiches, plastic cups, cutlery and plates, blankets, pillows and clothes.
When we had supplies that would last us a few days we went to pharmacy. When we got in we had to talk to the cashier to fill out some forms to justify getting the Lactation Hormone Pill. Dad explained that our mother had just died and that Dean and Sam were much too young to do without breastmilk. The cashier got a pitying look on her face and offered her condolences. She went out back to get the box that contained the pill and explained:
“You get sleepy by taking it so it is best to take it just before falling asleep. There can be some aching in the abdomen and chest area. Considering the recipients age there will probably be some considerable physical change. It will take around 24 hours before the pill work and the milk start running. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No that’s all, thank you,” Dad answered.
“Okay that will be $ 44.95,” she said chirpily.
Dad paid with his card and we left. We moved through the mall and got into the car. Sam had fallen asleep in my arms after being woken up when he was taken out and I didn’t have the heart to wake him by strapping him into his chair. Instead I placed him in my lap, back to chest, covered us with one of the new blankets and put on the seatbelt. I grabbed a pillow and made myself comfortable leaning against the window. Dean sat half asleep in the front seat covered by a blanket, resting his head against the door. Dad was still outside on his phone. From what I could hear of the conversation he was talking to our accountant about how much money we could get from the insurance company. He looked surprised and then satisfied before hanging up. After hanging up he called another number and had a quick, quiet conversation before putting his phone into his pocket. He got into the car and started it.
“I’m going to find us a motel where we can get some sleep before we drive to Bobby’s place,” he said quietly so as not to wake the boys.
I nodded and sank deeper down in my seat and adjusted Sam into a more comfortable position. Dad pulled the car out of the parking lot and drove through town slowly looking around. It took almost no time to find a decent looking motel so Dad drove in and parked at the reception door. He got out of the car and went inside and paid for the room. When he came back with a key he drove the short way to the room we had gotten and helped me get the boys inside. I moved carefully as to not wake Sam and walked over to the door and opened it with the key Dad had handed me. When I got inside and turned on the lights I saw a small room with a twin bed and a king-sized bed. Dad walked in behind me carrying a drowsy Dean. He placed Dean on the big bed and said:
“Anne, you and the boys have the king and I’ll take the twin. I’ll put away the food and warm a bottle. “
I nodded and sat in on the bed leaning against the headboard. I rocked and nuzzled Sam gently waking him up. He looked ready to cry but Dad came in soon and I hurriedly took the bottle and placed the teat in his mouth. He started sucking strongly and the milk was quickly gone. As I looked down I was filled with the warm feeling of love and affection that never dimmed no matter how many times I did this. When Sam was done I exchanged the bottle for the towel from the baby bag. I hefted Sam up over my shoulder and patted him gently on the back to get him to burp. When he was done I wiped his chin with the towel which Dad took as well.
I moved to lie down on the opposite side of Dean and moved Sam to rest on my chest and stomach. As soon as I was lying down Dean rolled over on to the other side and buried himself into my side. His head was on my shoulder and his right hand rested on Sam’s back. I was exhausted and I desperately wanted to sleep but it wouldn’t come. An ache had started in my chest and it spread outwards and down into my abdomen. It was hurting more and more and I couldn’t help but think: Some aching my ass! This fucking hurts! It took hours but eventually the pain dulled enough for me to fall asleep. The pain penetrated my dreams throughout the night but when I woke up some time past noon it was gone.
2:06 PM
I lifted my head and took in my surroundings tiredly. My dad was still sleeping as was the boys. Dean had moved his head into my neck and Sam was spread out like an eagle, one tiny hand clenched in Dean’s shirt. I felt like I had grown over night somehow but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. I moved Sam gently down onto the mattress and moved Dean’s head down onto his pillow. When I sat up and left the bed they curled around each with soft sleepy noises. I quietly crept over to the bathroom and closed it behind me carefully.
I went over to the mirror and gasped in shock at what I saw. Last time I looked at myself I looked like a tiny, slender 8 year-old. Now, overnight, I was changed. I was only a couple of inches taller than before but I looked much older. I had gotten curvy with wider hips and small waist. I had grown breasts overnight but that was expected. I had lost some of the softness on my face and my hair had grown longer. Before it was down to around the bottom of my shoulder blades and now it reached the small of my back. It went from a very light blonde to a more golden blonde and my eyelashes had grown darker as well. Before they were a dark brown but now they were black. My eyes had stayed the same warm hazel but looking into them I could see the loss and grief swirling inside them.
After the shock had faded I went back into the room and got a hairbrush and toothbrush along with some clothes. I brushed my hair carefully before pulling it back into a tight Dutch braid that ended at my waist. I peeked into the bedroom to check on the boys and they were still sleeping so I left them to it. I pulled on some grey skinny jeans and tried to figure out how to put on the bra I had sneaked into the cart last night. I hooked it on my stomach and turned it the right way. I pulled on a black tank top and a powder blue sweater over that. I brushed my teeth and went back into the bedroom and packed away my stuff. I found the pads I had bought yesterday as well to put them into the bra if I started leaking milk. I took a deep breath and pulled on my “mom” face.
I padded over to the bed and sat down next to Dean. I brushed his hair out of his eyes and gently shook his shoulder.
“Hey sweetie it’s time to wake up. Come now sleepyhead none of that.” I said softly.
Dean had rolled over to look at me but he whined sleepily and mumbled a disgruntled no. I kept stroking his hair while he woke up slowly. He sat up rubbing his eyes and I helped him into some linen pants and a tee shirt before pulling a hoodie over his head. The hoodie was red with SpongeBob on. I herded him into the kitchen and found the ingredients necessary to make some sandwiches and warmed a bottle. I plated the sandwiches and put them on the table in front of the chair Dean was sitting on. I went back into the bedroom and hefted Sam up onto my hip with a groan. He had been lying on his back while playing with his feet and he gurgled happily at seeing me. I walked back out into the kitchen and took the bottle and started feeding Sam. It took no time at all for him be fed and burped and I placed him down on the thick carpet in the bedroom and Dean sat down beside him to play. I went back into the kitchen and ate a couple of sandwiches quickly and left a few for Dad. I packed away the food and cleaned the counter- and tabletop.
Coming in to the bedroom I couldn’t help but laugh. Dean and Sam were on Dad’s bed with him and Sam was sitting on Dad’s chest pulling on his lip. Dean was jumping a little where he sat back against the wall playing with Dad’s fingers. Dad was chuckling quietly, left hand in Dean’s and the other around Sam’s back to keep him upright.
“There are a couple of sandwiches in the kitchen if you’re hungry. “ I said, still smiling at the sight they made.
“Okay thanks darling. I’ll just eat and then we’ll be on our way, “he answered, lifting Sam from his chest and placing him on the bed beside Dean.He kissed them both on top of their head before standing up and on his way to the kitchen he placed a kiss on my forehead. I changed Sam’s nappy and clothes before moving to sit down on the floor and play with both boys while waiting for Dad to be ready to go. It didn’t take long before he was done eating and then we packed everything and got situated in the car, me and Sam in the backseat and Dad and Dean in the front again. I sat in the back quietly thinking things over. It was such a weird thought that we would never go home and an even weirder thought that we would never see mother again. I leaned my head against the window, feeling tired again even though it had been less than two hours since I woke up. I dozed lightly until a feeling of wetness moistened my pads. I looked down discreetly now wanting to alert my dad and saw wetness on it’s to soaking the pads. I ruffled through my backpack and exchanged the pads for two new ones, put the used ones into a plastic bag and then leaned back against the window.
5:49 PM
It took us around 3 hours before we got to Bobby’s place and the sun was on its way down. Bobby met us out front and helped us get the things inside and get settled. Dad took the couch and me and the boys took the guestroom. Bobby looked at me questioningly and asked:
“Anne what happened to you?”
“I took the Lactation Hormone Pill and it affected me more than I thought it would. Actually it should be finished working soon hopefully before Sam gets hungry again.” I explained.
Bobby nodded and turned to my dad.
“So what do you want to do now?” He said.
“I was hoping you knew someone who could teach me to hunt. I want that thing that killed Mary dead! Also I was hoping the kids could stay here with you. I don’t want them to grow up on the road and I know they’ll be safe here, “Dad answered, looking at Bobby imploringly.
“Of course they can stay here but are you sure it’s a good idea for them to be here without you?” Bobby asked looking concerned. I guess he has a point but Dad does as well. And I know it’s not really my decision but my gut is saying that the best option for us is to stay here at Bobby’s. I thought looking back and forth between Dad and Bobby.
“I know that they’ll miss me and I’ll miss them but I want them to as normal a childhood as they can. I want them to know they are safe and not constantly worry about if they are going to get hurt or die and I’m not sure if I can give them that.“ Dad confessed tiredly.
“Okay if you’re sure. But if they are staying here you have to visit at least once a month and be here for birthdays, Christmas and such.” Bobby sighed.
“Of course, thank you so much Bobby really.” Dad answered gratefully.
After that problem was solved Bobby went out into the kitchen to make dinner and I followed him and helped. We made pasta, baked salmon and fixed some vegetables. By the time we were finished eating and cleaning up it was 7:45 PM and it was time to put the boys to bed. I helped Dean brush his teeth and put on his pajamas and then tucked him in.
“Can you sing me a good night song, please Annie?” he asked pleadingly.
“Of course I can which one do you want?” I answered.
“The Elephant’s Lullaby. ”He said happily.
I nodded and made myself comfortable on the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes and the image of our mother singing the very same song to me so long ago appeared at the front of my mind unbidden. I pushed it back and began singing.
Nu tændes der stjerner på himlens blå
halvmånen løfter sin sabel
jeg våger, at ikke de slemme mus
skal liste sig op i din snabel.
Sov sødt, lille Jumbo, og visselul
nu bliver skoven så dunkel
nu sover tante, den gamle struds
og næsehornet, din onkel.
Nu kalder i søvne den vilde gnu
i krattet af store lianer
og aber synger sig selv i søvn
i vuggen af grønne bananer.
Sov sødt, lille Jumbo, dit lille pus
slet intet, min ven, skal du mangle
i morgen får du en kokosnød
og den skal du bruge som rangle.
En zebra tager sin natdragt på
med sorte og hvide striber
et flyveegern med lådne ben
sidder i mørket og piber.
Sov sødt, lille Jumbo, nu er du vel mæt?
du kender ej husmodersorgen
en lille plantage på tusinde rør dem
skal vi ha' syltet i morgen.
Hør, tigeren brøler sin aftensang
og spejder mod alle kanter
ved vadestedet, med slebet klo
der lister den sorte panter.
Sov tyst, lille Jumbo, dit lille myr
din nuttede lille rødbede
du bad mig fortælle et eventyr
nu sover du sødt allerede.*(translation and song link at the end)
I kissed his forehead gently and smoothed back his hair. I stood up and went into the living room where Bobby and Dad were sitting with Sam on the thick, plush carpet in front of them. I went over and scooped Sam up from the floor.
“I’m just gonna go into the kitchen and see if Sam is hungry.” I said while moving towards said room.
I closed the door behind me and moved to sit on the windowsill leaning against the wall. I took a blanket and laid it so it covered the windowsill and laid Sam down before unhooking my bra, taking of my tank top and sweater and letting them fall to the ground. I picked up another blanket which I used to cover myself when Sam and I were situated comfortably. I moved him closer to my chest and he quickly got the idea, rooting around and latching on to my nipple once he found it. It felt strange and it hurt a little since he was sucking a little too hard so I rocked him gently while stroking his back and cooed:
“Calm down sweetheart, the milk ain’t going nowhere. Just slow down a little, okay. “
I kept rocking him and he slowed down to a more comfortable pace. Once it had stopped hurting I couldn’t help but be amazed. Watching Sam feed had always awed me and I always felt overwhelmed with the rush of love and affection but this. This was like nothing I had ever felt before. I hadn’t thought I could possibly love him even more but I did. I kept staring at his tiny face while he nursed. When he was finished, he let go and yawned with his eyes closed. I snatched a towel from the counter and burped him, before laying him on the windowsill so I could put my clothes back on. I couldn’t help but think that I should probably start wearing looser clothes with easier access because having to take all my upper clothes off was just annoying. I lifted him up again and went into the bedroom. I could see that Dad or Bobby had found a travel cot somewhere and had set it up. I changed Sam into some soft sleep clothes and laid him down into the cot gently before tucking him in and kissing his forehead.
9:02 PM
I went back into the living room and sat down in an armchair, listening to Dad and Bobby’s quiet chatter. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. I had been meditating since I was five. When I was five I started karate and one of the first things I learned was meditation. At first it was very difficult for me but after some time I got more used to it and figured out that it actually helped me a lot.
I have been having visions since I was three. The first vision I had was of my parents telling me my mother was pregnant with Dean. Since then they have come irregularly and at sometimes completely inappropriate times. I once had a vision in the middle of class and the other kids laughed at me when I failed to answer the teacher’s question. But after I started meditating it got easier to sense when they would come and somewhat control it. With practice I could hold them off until a convenient time and that helped me as well.
What I Saw in the visions could be very different. Sometimes it was everyday stuff like what we were going to have for dinner the next day or what topic we would discuss in class but other times they were filled with darkness, fear, blood and creatures of the night. At first I couldn’t believe what I was Seeing but then I figured that everything else was real and exactly what happened so those must be real too. I started researching what monsters I was seeing and all the information I could about them. I wrote all of them down in a journal that I hid under my mattress and thankfully I remembered to take it with me when we fled the house. Thinking about the fire made me think about my mother.
The pain I had been pushing back and ignoring came back at full blast and I couldn’t keep the tears in. I started sobbing at the feeling of loss. It felt so unreal yet too real all at the same time. It was like someone had taken something vital from me and I wasn’t sure I could ever replace it or live without it. I was so caught up in my head that I didn’t notice my dad moving until he was right in front of me lifting me up and setting me on his lap. I buried my head in his chest and sobbed my heart out. I sat there for ages before I could breathe almost normally and hear anything over the pounding of my heart in my ears. My dad was whispering reassuring things in my ear trying to console me. I slowly stopped crying and just lay against his chest feeling numb and exhausted.
He stood up still carrying me and went down into the guestroom and set me down on the second twin bed on the other side of the room from Dean. He helped me out of my clothes and into some night clothes and tucked me in. He kissed my forehead and whispered:
“Night sweetie. I know everything seems hopeless right now, it does for me too but it will be okay. For now just sleep.”
I closed my eyes and couldn’t help feel better than I had since the fire. I had needed to cry and get some of the grief out. I knew that it would still hurt tomorrow and the day after and probably all my life but it would get better and easier to handle. I closed my eyes with a small smile and let myself fall into Morpheus embrace.