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I turn my neck and look back over my shoulder. I feel so desired being on all fours while he fucks me hard. Naruto was my best friend when he was advised by several people to move on after a painful break-up. I knew him well, and I thought it wasn't the right time, as he needed to experience his grief. However, I ended up making myself available. And now he thrusts hard forward, always deep, pulling my hips towards him with force as he tries to thrust his balls into me.
It was always like this. I liked to peek at his strong, sweaty body, pushing hard to fuck me. I love to feel his breath on my neck as he pulls my hair and talks dirty in my ear with a hoarse voice. I go to heaven with the vigorous handjob he gives me while he penetrates me deeply, taking everything off and burying himself without difficulty because I am so surrendered. I cum on the sheets. In those moments, with him inside me, I feel so his.
But that feeling ends when he fills me with cum, like at that exact moment when I hear his roar, accompanied by a long thrust. I feel so full and, at the same time, so empty. That's when we briefly disconnect from each other.
I'm not treated badly, on the contrary. But even though I give my all, I feel that something is missing that I can't give, because I'm simply not him. And as much as Naruto denies it with words, I know that his heart belongs to someone else.
Why do I subject myself to this, knowing that I'm a stopgap, an attempt at oblivion?
Naruto was the only person I ever cared about, and having the chance to truly have him with me, even for a few brief moments, is blissful. He hasn't made any promises for the future, but he suggested a light, no-pressure present, and I'm aware of that, so our arrangement works perfectly well most of the time.
He's usually thoughtful and sweet. But I would like his feelings for me to be reciprocated, to the same degree as mine. But I have no right to demand that. How can I demand anything about the other person's wishes? I can only discuss actions, and I have nothing to complain about my current boyfriend.
He lay down next to me, stared at me, brushed his nose against mine and sealed my lips. He got up, put on his shorts and went out onto the balcony.
I noticed his sad eyes before he got out of bed, saying that everything had been great. I turned to look at the ceiling. My chest rises and falls due to my deep breathing, but my thoughts speed up and I tense up. In those moments, my heart crumbles. I try not to get hurt, but I do! Damn it! Why can't I control what I feel?
I wrap myself in the sheet, and once again I observe how miserable he is after our fuck, very different from our brief connection during sex. I ask if everything's okay, resting my hand on his shoulder. He seemed to be crying.
"Yes, my love. I just need to be alone for a while. Can you give me some space?" Naruto asked me.
I usually agree with his request, but sometimes I'm rude. Like today.
"Sasuke doesn't love you," I reply hatefully, snorting. It'll fucking hurt him! I've drawn this truth in different ways since we were just friends, but today I'm shouting it like a sharp knife.
His glare back was much angrier than mine. "Don't meddle in what you don't know, Gaara," he replied, pushing my hand away violently, turning his face away.
Did my hurt increase? Enormously. I should leave, but I'm unable.
I went back to the room pissed off. I punched some pillows furiously, while tears rolled down my cheeks. I feel like screaming at myself to get out of this. This is my truth, which hurts me enormously too. I wipe my face and my hands turn gray. Shit, I must look like a clown with my eyeliner smudged. I walk around the room anxiously, in circles. I don't know how long it's been, but he's come to talk to me. As usual.
"Gaara, I don't want to arguee with you. What Sasuke and I had has nothing to do with us. It belongs to the past. We're together, dattebayo!" he said, begging for peace.
Yes, we are together. Unfortunately, the three of us, because I know he can't get the damn Uchiha out of his head.
But then he comes over and hugs me from behind. He smells so good. The warmth of his skin is simply addictive. I need him. I need to make up. I need his cock inside me. I turn around and hug him tightly, my face sunk into the curve of his neck. I pull away just enough to kiss him with desire, tasting the salty taste of our tears. I lick all over his sweaty chest as I pull off his shorts, desperate to suck his cock. It was half-pumped, so I manage to accommodate everything. I feel filled again, until it's so big and hard that I need the help of my hands to take care of its entire length, while I suck on the wet head of so much pre-cum.
I'm on my knees, as always, at the feet of my blond man. He stares at me while I'm sucking him off, and his gaze gives me goose bumps from the intensity of the blue. His sadness temporarily overshadowed by lust. He sinks both hands into my hair and says he loves this shade of red. I imagine it's because they're very different from the black he's used to. But I don't want to think about it, I can't! I focus on the delicious cock in my mouth and go back to watching him, while he closes his eyes, delighted, increasing the speed of his thrusts. I feel the jets splashing on my tongue and his cock spasming, relaxing. As if in a cyclical process, I feel myself getting empty again. I look away. I prefer to remember his longing countenance because I need it like plants need the sun. I'm not going to look for reasons to arguee again.
And so we move on together. Hoping that Sasuke never comes back, and that Naruto wishes the same.