Chapter Text
Itoshi Rin did not fall in love. He was above the lukewarm actions of attaching yourself to someone, allowing someone into your personal space, and making time for them daily. The idea of having to open up to somebody, to be vulnerable with them, was something he wanted no part in.
He saw how the few couples in Blue Lock acted, seemingly permanently attached like glue or doting on each other after being able to see each other after a few days and being separated after choosing to be on opposing teams. If they were that codependent, then they should've chosen to be on the same team.
The sight of couples holding hands walking through the building, or god forbid he walks into the locker rooms to find them half naked, clinging to one another as if their lives depended on it. It was almost like the idea of being in a relationship taunted him like it was the universe calling out hey, you're incredibly lonely and crave human contact just like that!
It was pathetic.
Being in PxG was one upside to avoiding seeing everybody acting like lovesick fools (if he ignored Shidou making disgusting kissing noises whenever he was on the phone with his fucking brother, of all people).
There is only one reason why everybody should be participating in the hell that is this program, and that's to become the best striker in Japan, not to find the so-called love of your life at the ripe age of sixteen. It was as ridiculous as it was pathetic. Everyone should be training to be in their prime, to take over the football world and change it for the better.
Rin knows he'll be called bitter. His disgust over what he sees shows on his face whenever he encounters it. Does he necessarily care? He's never cared about how people perceive him or how he's acted before, and he sure as hell won't start caring now whenever he shoots people a sideways glance full of disappointment.
Sure, he's debated on the fact that he most likely would find some solace in being able to wrap his body around another. In being able to let himself lower his guard, even just a little bit, for the small part of himself that he keeps buried away, the part that yearns for someone to see him for who he is and not just some kid chasing after some broken dream that he used to share with his brother.
He’s not stupid by any means. He’s seen the looks he gets from a few other boys as he walks past them, gazes full of admiration, fear, or just plain longing. It happened when he was in school, too. Both girls and boys would slip confession notes into his locker or his bag, silly little pieces of paper that he would crumble up and toss into the next bin he would see.
Rin did not have the time for love. He did not want to be distracted from his training or the long hours he’d spent hunched in front of a computer, watching past games of his future opponents to thoroughly analyze their play styles and see the right course of action to destroy them. Becoming the best at his sport was all he cared about, personal relationships be damned.
It was midnight, and he was still on one of Blue Lock’s practice fields, sweat dripping down his face and onto his collar as he shot the ball directly into the goal for probably the hundredth time that night. He huffed, pushing his bangs from his face as he stalked over to the goal to grab his ball, spinning it into his hands before retreating to the middle of the field to shoot it again. He was lacking in his practice today, his shots not falling exactly how he wanted them. The arches of the shots were off, the ball didn't have enough speed, or the angle wasn’t sending it directly where he intended it to land. With a shake of his head, he stepped back a bit before running at the ball again, standing still as he watched it fall seamlessly against the net, falling short of the perfect angle he wanted once more.
Rin slumped down to the grass, staring blankly at the goal and the ball just sitting there to the side, mocking him in a way, like the inanimate object was rubbing it in his face that he could not get this one thing fucking right. He shook his head, pushing himself back up from the grass and stretching before walking to the goal again.
“Haven’t changed much, have you?” A voice broke Rin out of his trance, turning to face the side of the field and glare at whoever decided to come and interrupt him. Much to his dismay, Isagi Yoichi has been the one who was watching him, impeding his solitude of pushing himself as far as he could go.
“What the hell do you want?” Rin snapped, his eyes narrowing as he looked at the older boy. Why was Isagi always so keen on following him? On talking to him? Rin had made it so evident that he didn’t need the other to keep checking on him, to follow him around like a lost fucking puppy when it came to practicing. He should’ve told him off in the second selection, not letting it continue like this. “Shouldn’t you be in the German stratum? It’s late.”
“I could be asking you the same thing,” Isagi pointed out as he walked farther onto the field. “How long have you been out here practicing?”
“You didn’t answer either of my questions,” Rin deadpanned, staring the other down as he got closer, too close for Rin’s comfort. “Why the hell are you here?”
Isagi rolled his eyes, not bothered by his tone, stopping a mere foot in front of Rin. “We share the same practice fields despite being on different teams. I was curious about who was up this late.”
Rin scoffed, crossing his arms as he looked down at Isagi. “How long were you watching me like some damn creep?”
Isagi hummed, mimicking Rin’s actions with a dopey grin. “Thirty minutes at least. I’m confused about why you’re getting so upset over your shots as if they aren’t landing in the goal every time you kick the ball.”
“They aren’t good enough,” Rin stated. “Landing in the wrong areas of the goal leaves too much room for error, for the potential of them not even making it in or getting blocked.”
“Yet every single one has made it in during the time that I’ve been watching,” Isagi points out. “You don’t have to land them in the perfect spot each time for them to be good shots still.”
Rin shook his head, turning on his heels and stalking off to the goal to retrieve his ball, feeling Isagi’s gaze burning on the back of him as he did so. When he returned to the middle of the field, Isagi snatched the ball away, his eyes glinting with something Rin couldn’t quite grasp. “Wanna have a little competition? See who can get the most goals into the area of the net that you’re wanting?”
He stared at Isagi incredulously, shaking his head before speaking. “I’m not interested in your lukewarm competitions.”
Isagi huffed out a laugh, dropping the ball on the ground in front of him before stepping back and kicking the ball as hard as he could, sinking it right into the middle of the goddamned net. “Are you sure?” He hummed, turning back to Rin with a gaze that spoke loudly of temptation. “Cause you seem pretty pissed off now that I was able to do what you weren’t.”
Rin could feel his jaw clench at Isagi’s words, loathing the look of teasing that was written all over his face. “Go get me the fucking ball.”
Isagi grinned triumphantly, heading to the goal with vigor and retrieving the ball before returning to Rin. “You first, you wannabe villain,” he teased, dropping the ball right in front of Rin’s feet before stepping back, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for Rin to shoot the ball. “Just act like I’m not here.”
“Kind of hard not to when I can hear you fucking breathing,” Rin scoffed, glancing between the ball and the net to decide what his best course of action would be. He took a deep breath, centering himself before kicking the ball with as much strength as possible. Rin breathed a sigh of relief that he didn't even realize he was holding in until he watched the ball sink effortlessly into the left corner of the goal.
Isagi whistled as he watched, his eyes gleaming. “See? You just needed something to motivate you, Rin,” he mused, causing Rin to shoot a harsh glare in his direction. “I’m not saying that you wouldn't have gotten it eventually on your own,” Isagi amended, throwing up his hands in mock surrender. “Just giving you a reason to sink the ball into the net made it easier for you.”
“Piss off,” Rin huffed, his eyes still locked on where the ball had landed. “I didn’t need your stupid competition to begin with.”
Isagi chuckled, once again not phased by Rin’s harsh words. “Yet you still agreed to do it when I pissed you off enough to,” he hummed. “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are.”
“I wasn’t trying to be sneaky,” Rin snapped, turning to face Isagi. “You pointed out that you could do it better than me and then made it with your first try. You’re nothing but lukewarm to me, and I needed to keep that obvious.”
He heard Isagi laugh again, that god-forsaken teasing smile growing on his face, blue eyes gleaming with more than just what would be considered a friendly competition. “Just admit that you liked having a reason to keep practicing, Rin,” Isagi fucking cooed . “I see the difference in you when practicing solo versus with others. You don’t get lost in your head as much when you’re actively going against others in this place, especially when you’re practicing against me.”
“Lost in my head,” Rin muttered, his eyes narrowly trained on Isagi’s form. “What the hell does that even mean?”
Isagi shrugged his shoulders. “You’re entirely somewhere else when you’re running drills alone. You’re just going through the same repetitive motions without regard for anything else. It was kinda freaky when I first saw it.”
Rin scoffed, trying to push down the odd feeling of unease washing up to the surface at Isagi’s words. Was he that obvious when practicing alone? Was he being watched that closely? “You’re ridiculous,” he proceeded to huff out, throat growing tight at the mere idea that someone like fucking Isagi Yoichi could see right through him. “You must be seeing things.”
“I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking,” Isagi said as if it was the easiest thing ever, the words flowing out of his mouth like silk. “What goes through your mind when you do this alone anyway?”
That I’m a failure. That I’ll never live up to Sae. What if I don't surpass him? Then he’ll always view me as the scum of the fucking earth, an eyesore in his own words. This is all to prove to him that I can be better than he ever will be.
“Nothing,” he ended up spitting out. “Why do I have to be thinking of anything specific when I’m alone?”
“Everyone thinks about something when they’re practicing,” Isagi shrugged. “I like to think about how to improve my practice. Like making plans for it and stuff like that.”
Rin let out a noncommittal hum, glancing back across the field. “Of course you’d think of something as lame as that,” he huffed. “You’ve got to think of something other than that. Maybe something like how to stick your nose somewhere it doesn't belong?”
Isagi laughed again, rolling his eyes as he went to retrieve the ball again. “Not everyone is as pessimistic as you, Rin,” he called over his shoulder. “Some of us actually like knowing our peers in here.”
Rin muttered something unintelligible under his breath as he watched Isagi return. Why was he even allowing him to stay and practice with him? It wasn't like having him there would lead to any improvement in his plays; he would just be a distraction. He shook his head, watching Isagi line the ball up and kick it again, a faint flicker of a smirk growing on his lips when the ball went to the corner of the net instead of in the center.
The two continued practicing like that longer than Rin had intended. Harsh quips slipped from his lips occasionally, but Isagi just laughed them off like they didn’t mean anything but a joke to him. That naturally served to piss Rin off even more, causing him to be a little more aggressive with his kicks than he had intended them to be at first.
Isagi had kept a mental tally of how many direct shots they had made, gleefully declaring Rin the winner when the automatic field lights inevitably turned off on them due to the late hour. “It shouldn't even be surprising that I beat you,” Rin scoffed as they trailed off the field and back into the barren hallways of the Blue Lock facility.
“I’m not surprised at all. I knew you would,” Isagi shrugged, taking a turn at the hallway that led back to the German stratum. He paused for a moment before looking over his shoulder at Rin. “I will beat you one day, though,” he called out before turning on his heels and heading back to his dorm.
Rin glared at his retreating figure, figuratively shooting daggers into his back before resigning himself back to the French stratum, slamming the door to the locker room shut behind him before turning on the shower, ready to wash away everything that impromptu practice had brought on.
The rush of hot water relieved him, relaxing the tension in his shoulders that he hadn't even realized built up until he felt considerably lighter. He stood under the stream of water for far too long, allowing the drops gliding down his skin to serve as a way to calm his racing mind. Being around Isagi always drained him from the first time they had played against each other in the second selection to even now on the rare occasions that they flew into each other’s orbit.
Rin always wondered why the other was keen on getting under his skin, to break apart every little piece of himself that was kept locked away. Did Isagi do that to everyone he came across? Rin couldn't recall him ever doing that to Bachira or even the others once he had joined their team. What was so different about him ?
He shook his head, shutting the shower off before stepping out, shivering slightly before wrapping his towel around his waist and heading back to the lockers. The familiar scratchy feeling of the Blue Lock issued sweats rubbed against his skin as he pulled them on, drying his hair quickly before slinking out of the locker room and back to the dorm.
Rin quietly tiptoed inside, slowly moving past the beds of the other players in the room so as not to wake them up. He slid into his bed with a silent breath, pulling the thin sheets over his head. He lay curled on his side, taking in the soft sounds of the others breathing peacefully, the occasional quiet snore slipping through their lips as they slumbered on.
He rolled his eyes when he heard someone get up, already knowing exactly who it was and why they were getting up. It was nightly at this point, hearing Shidou Ryusei slide out of his bed and creep into the halls, muffled whispers over his phone to who he knew was his brother. Even through his damn teammates, he was bothered by his brother’s presence, despite it not being physical in any way.
Rin remembered when he discovered that Shidou was hooking up or maybe even dating his brother. He didn’t even intend to know; had he had the choice, he would've chosen to live in a blissful ignorance of not knowing. It was a few months prior, once everyone had picked their teams for the Neo Egoist Leagues. He had stepped into the locker rooms to change into practice clothes when he had overheard Shidou talking on the phone, the device set on the bench next to him as he got changed.
Sae’s voice had drifted through the speaker all too well, Rin blanching at the sound, more so in disgust that his brother would even give the time of day to that antennaed freak of a man on his team. Rin didn't think he had ever heard Sae that relaxed, his voice having an unnerving tone of softness to it whenever he had responded to whatever bullshit Shidou had started ranting about then.
He had chosen to ignore it, quickly changing his clothes and getting out onto the practice field as soon as possible once the conversation had matured. It’s been like that for months; he had learned from his other teammates begrudgingly. After the U-20 match, when Shidou convinced Sae of his number, they were seemingly inseparable on the phone whenever their schedules aligned.
Thus, it became a nightly routine of Rin overhearing the older boy slide out of their dorm room to talk to him, a feeling Rin couldn't quite place curling in his stomach whenever the door shut after Shidou. He let out a huff, turning to his other side and burying himself further under the blankets before drifting off into his slumber, praying to whoever would listen that he could sleep uninterrupted for the rest of the night.