Chapter Text
“It’s not what it looks like!”
How can he say that?
The two people I care about most in this damn galaxy—my sister by choice and the love of my life—are betraying me in the worst way possible. I’m watching it happen with my own eyes. And I’ve got twenty-twenty vision.
Garrus also has the audacity to say this while facing me. His dick is still spurting drops of cum on the floor, and when I look at Tali, cum is seeping out of her cunt sloppily.
I raise a brow at him, wondering what the hell he means by it not being what it looks like.
He has no answers because it’s exactly what it looks like.
Why don’t I feel anything? No rage, no sadness—nothing at all. Just this calm numbness. I’m sure there’s a bigger reaction waiting for me, but for now, I need to keep this cool and level head intact. We’re in space in the middle of a war between the quarians and the geth. Besides, I still have to work with these people.
For now, at least.
“I’ll pack up your stuff from my loft and have it brought back down here,” I tell Garrus, voice steady.
He shakes his head at me, but I ignore it in favor of turning my head to the side, making it obvious I’m addressing someone else.
“EDI?”
“Yes, Jane?”
“Please have Garrus’ access to my loft removed immediately.”
“Don’t do this, Jane,” Garrus begs. I glare at him, hoping he’ll give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.
Again, he has no answers. He knows it’s the right thing to do.
“That includes the button for my loft in the elevator itself, EDI,” I add sternly.
“Of course, Jane,” EDI answers. “The changes have been implemented.”
“Thank you.”
I’m rooted to the spot for a few, long seconds, unsure of what to do. Everything is so quiet in my head. My world and my future are crashing down on me. Those are major events. Why aren’t I screaming or punching someone in the face?
What I definitely can—and will—do, is end it. My eyes flicker between Tali and Garrus, expression blank.
“Well, I apologize for interrupting your fun, guys. I’ll get out of your hair so you can continue in peace.”
“No… please don’t leave,” Garrus tries.
Doesn’t really hit too hard when his cock is dangling between his legs, and his skank seems to be glued to his console, frozen in fear, like a criminal caught mid-crime.
“I’m just doing you a favor, Garrus,” I tell him coolly. “It’s obvious to me that you don’t want to be tied down. That you’d rather be free to fuck every single slut you see than be in a committed relationship with me.” I force a smile. “So I’m just helping you get there. We’re through.”
Still denying it, he shakes his head. Big action coming from a guy who just flooded my best friend with his cum. I turn on my heels and walk out of the batteries, keeping my head held high to the elevator. It’s time to keep my word—they mean something, after all—and erase him from my space.
But as soon as the doors swish closed, my facade falls apart.
I punch the wall, leaving a dent in the metal. Damn it! How could I have been such an idiot? I should’ve seen this coming from a mile away, and shut it down immediately. Fuck, I saw it coming from a mile away and I still did nothing. Fool me once, shame on him. But I should have fixed it right when it seemed to be happening again.
After I picked Garrus up from Menae, he’d been upfront with me. Told me he’d been ‘releasing stress’ with Primarch Victus while they were stationed there. Fucking him casually, and that hurt to hear. I’d been celibate during our time apart, because we said we’d continue our relationship once I got out. We never mentioned breaking up—not even once. In my mind, that meant we were exclusive.
But I reasoned it away. On the flipside, we never spoke about being exclusive either. That promise was never uttered. Besides, Garrus had told me about turian culture during our time with Cerberus. They were built different, seeing sex as something casual and as a relationship builder. They fucked their friends left and right, and so I let it go. Still, it bothered me enough to keep one eye on them every damn time they shared a room.
Nothing had ever happened between Garrus and Victus after that. Victus himself is a very professional and interesting man. I’ve got nothing against him. We work very well together. He’s the kind of man I feel grateful to have on my side during this hell we’re in. And what Garrus had told me seemed to be the truth: fucking him had only been a mutually beneficial casual thing.
It wasn’t a big deal. I was insane for dwelling on it, I’d told myself.
Our amazing date comes to mind next.
After liberating the Citadel from Cerberus, Garrus had taken me bottle-shooting. Told me he wanted me to be his one-turian woman. I’d told him I loved him and said yes. Simple enough, but now I’m scrutinizing every little detail from that supposedly romantic exchange.
Was I supposed to worry that he hadn’t said he loved me too? He’d said ‘wow’ and that he ‘didn’t know what to do now.’ Romantically awkward is one of Garrus’ quirks, so when he said that, I’d thought it was cute. I’d melted into his arms, kissed him like I’d meant it, and moved things along.
But hindsight is twenty-twenty. And now I’m wondering if he was copping out because he didn’t actually love me back.
After we had picked Tali up from quarian space, I’d spent a lot of time on the engineering deck. A lot of this ship had been—still is—unfinished when we scurried out of the Sol System. Loose cables were everywhere. What if Tali stumbled over one of them and her mask broke, or she lost her balance so her suit ruptured? That would’ve been a death sentence. No way I could stand for her being in danger on my ship, so I did what I could to turn this into a safe space for her.
That was when I’d first overheard her conversations with Garrus.
It had started simple enough. He apologized for being an ass to her and she accepted it. I thought that was nice. But their tone started to shift pretty quickly. Tali went from talking to my boyfriend in a friendly manner to downright flirting with him. It gave me the ick immediately. He was a taken man. So I continued listening in. Garrus never flirted back directly, but he also didn’t shut it down. It should have worried me…
But my idiot-self had brushed that away, too. First of all, I trusted my boyfriend and didn’t think that was wrong. Second of all, Vega and I had a flirty tone between us—just simple banter. It never meant anything and I was honest with Garrus from the moment he came back. I often checked in with him, and he always gave me the same answer: since it was just banter, he didn’t mind.
So I’d reasoned that away, as well. Why couldn’t he have that same kind of banter with someone else when I had that? It wasn’t serious and nothing would ever happen between them, just like it had been between Vega and me. Denying him that would’ve made me a hypocrite.
But it really turns out that intent matters. How naïve I’ve been.
I was so sure I’d found the very epitome of a man. A good guy with a bad boy streak. The hottest man in existence, in terms of looks and personality. The sex was amazing, frequent, and fulfilling—but our bond was even better. He was my best friend and the love of my life. Now this amazing year together had been flushed down the toilet—and for what? Some young piece of ass who lusted after a taken man?
Even if Garrus had never said the words, I thought he loved me.
I’ve been the idiot living in a fairytale.
And then that bitch in engineering has the nerve to hurt me like that after everything I’ve done for her? Hadn’t I given her a copy of the geth data we found while hunting Saren? Hadn’t I helped her during her trial and gotten her off the hook without outing the war crimes her idiot dad had committed? Aren’t I about to make sure the quarians end their war with the geth? That they get their homeworld back?
She’s stabbed me right where it hurts the most. If we survive this war, I hope she fucks off to Rannoch for good. I never want to have the displeasure of seeing her again.
The rage is starting to mount, but I can’t afford to lose my cool yet. We’re right at the tail end of the quarian saga. Now’s the time to be pragmatic. I need the quarians in this war. They’ve got the biggest fleet in the galaxy, and that’s worth everything in the mess we’re in. My personal issues don’t matter right now—I’ve got to set them aside and focus. Force myself to forget and go back to work.
“Please hold the elevator, EDI. No matter what,” I state aloud as I walk into my loft.
“As you wish, Jane.”
I silence my omni-tool and start packing Garrus’ stuff into his bags. His clothes, his gear, his soaps—anything remotely Garrus. I even pack the picture I have of us on my nightstand. The emptier it gets, the sadder I feel. To think I’m about to go from being in a happy relationship with a man I was sure I was going to marry to being unhappily single again… It’s a tough pill to swallow.
If we survive this war, I’ve got nothing to look forward to anymore.
I throw his shit in the elevator and send it back down to Deck 3. And that’s it—I’ve done it now. Broken things off cleanly and wiped my hands of him. It’s the right thing to do. One thing I’ll never stand for is cheating, and he knows that. Yet he did it. Shows me just how much he respects me.
Unfortunately, I’m forced to bring Tali for the final assault on Rannoch later. My obvious second pick had been Garrus. While I can keep things professional and he’s the best squad member on my team, I know in my heart I won’t be able to work with him today. Least of all if Tali’s there, too. I need someone who actually has my back.
There’s still time to think about it. Still, I send a message to Garrus to let him know he’s off the Rannoch mission. Ignoring his multiple messages to ‘please talk to him,’ I silence all further alerts from him for the time being.
Fuck… How am I going to do this? How can I possibly stay calm on this ship and not give away the fact that I’m about to be a broken mess?
It hits me quickly: Garrus and I had planned an overnight stay in my apartment on the Citadel after this quarian saga ends. Obviously, Garrus won’t be there anymore. We’re done, through, finito; a chapter fully closed. But going there alone sounds like the time and place to have a meltdown.
No one will hear my heart breaking when I’m all alone in that big space, after all.