Chapter Text
The cold of the air harshly grazed his cheeks. He could hear his blood pumping in his ear. The grip around his coat tightened pushing him more into the rigid stone. He gave out a gasp, knowing that there was bound to be a deep cut forming on his back. The fear coursing through his body wanted to make him throw up and for the life of him, he couldn’t move.
All he could do was look into those deep blue eyes.
Bilbo woke with a shout. He could feel a deep throbbing in his back along with the sweat-soaked sheets. His breathing was erratic. It took him a while to recognize his surroundings.
I am safe. I am alive. I am in the Shire.
His mantra repeated in his mind over and over again until he was able to calm down. His ears pinned in on the noise of what exactly had woken him from his recurring nightmare. The wailing of the tiny faunt had him getting out of bed.
Bilbo grabbed his robe and made a mental note to make some tea to relieve himself of the pain in his back. He padded his way to Frodo’s room but as he peeked in, he saw that somebody had beat him to it. Kili sat in the chair next to the basin, rocking Frodo against his chest.
He smiled to himself, feeling the last remnants of the nightmare leave his mind. A lot had changed in his life since the Battle.
After he had seen to it that Thorin and his company had survived and he had fulfilled his contract, Bilbo had left before anybody could notice. The moment on the ramparts had broken him. He knew that Thorin had been under the illness of dragon sickness but he couldn’t help the hurt that had racked his whole body when he was painfully pushed against the stone along with the verbal lashing. It hadn’t just hurt on a physical level but a deeper one as well.
He knew that he was soul-bonded to Thorin the moment the dwarf had walked through his door. Throughout the journey to Erebor, he had hoped that Thorin would have noticed but the King gave no hint that he reciprocated. Because of all this, Bilbo decided that the best course of action was to leave, and go back to where he belonged even if felt like he was more of an outsider than when he first left.
It had hurt him greatly when he had journeyed back home. Bilbo remembered that for hours he would cry to himself as he felt his soul being torn in two. He wasn’t just leaving his love but also the others that he considered family.
In the moments that he didn’t cry, he silently prayed to Yavanna to get him through this. He knew separating from your soul-bonded was no easy business. He had heard tales of death and despair as a fauntling. His people had titled it as “fading”. With this, and the cut on his back that he was trying to tend to himself with his minimal knowledge of healing, Bilbo felt like he would fade quickly.
His prayers were answered through a dream where it was explained to him that because of the harm done to him by Thorin, the soul-bond had been weaken. There was a bruise so to speak which allowed him to live on without worrying about the consequences of fading.
Around the time he was 1 month from the Shire, Bilbo was finally corned by Gandalf. The wizard had a hard gaze in his eyes when they first met again but after taking in the hobbit's attire and face, his eyes soften. They sat huddled together while Bilbo explained his side of the story. Gandalf in turn told him how everybody had been frantic when they noticed that he was missing. Thorin was inconsolable and everybody was ready to be up in arms again but once Bifur explained that he had seen Bilbo leaving into the forest, a thick silence had laid into the company. Bilbo felt guilt rack his body at the thought of his friends in so much pain but he knew deep down that his decision was the right choice even if his mind was screaming at him to go back. Gandalf had left after that, and Bilbo’s last parting gift to the wizard was the ring. He had made Gandalf promise to destroy it, he wanted his life to start fresh. The ring only caused pain.
His life in the Shire at first was hectic. He had to set right his affairs and after fighting off his pesky relatives to get his belongings back finally, he was able to clean up Bag End. After three weeks, everything was put together. The amount of work that had to be done caused Bilbo to stuff his feelings down. He never noticed how his body forever seemed cold even in the warm months or how there was always a nagging pain in his chest. The cut on his back had been diminished to a scar but he only felt phantom pains when he had nightmares or was snuggled up in bed reading the copious amount of letters he was getting from the company and a few from Thorin. They had understood Bilbo’s reasoning for leaving but even the hobbit could tell the anguish they all felt from being separated. He wrote back to most if not all of the dwarrows.
The only person he couldn’t get himself to write back to was Thorin. He tried not to feel bad. He reasoned with himself that the King only sent a few letters time from time but the guillt still ate at him. He could feel the pain from the other side of the weakened soul-bond in those moments.
On the anniversary of the battle after feeling like he got a hold on his emotions, Bilbo’s life changed again. His dear cousins, Primula Brandybuck-Baggins and Drogo Baggins had died leaving behind a newborn faunt. That night all the memories of his cousins and the Company came rushing back to him and he lay weeping in his bed.
There was a lot of discussion about what to do with the child. Finally, after many arguments, Prim and Drogo’s will was brought up. It stated clearly that Frodo was to be given to Bilbo in case of untimely death. Many of his cousins tried to argue that he was unfit to be guardian.
Bilbo was scared himself. He had never raised a child before but taking one look at Frodo’s sweet face, he knew that he needed to do right by his cousins. Frodo belonged with him.
Life with Frodo helped to fill a hole in his heart. Bilbo couldn’t help but vow to care and protect him with his life which had meaning again because of the faunt.
Six months after Frodo came to be with him, Kili entered. It had been a calm, sunny day. Bilbo had taken Frodo on a walk to the meadow. He had seen the dwarf lying in the grass in obvious pain.
The Took side of Bilbo had won out and he approached the dwarf. In observation, the dwarf was young around the same age as Thorin’s nephew, Fili and Dori's little brother, Ori, only his beard hadn’t come in yet. He looked skinny and slightly small. His face was pale and Bilbo saw that the dwarf was holding his ankle.
Wide terrified blue eyes locked with his and Bilbo knew he needed to help. The hobbit was able to get the dwarf back without much resistance. Bilbo learned that the dwarf’s name was Kili. He had been part of a traveling dwarf company but they had been attacked by a random orc pack. Kili’s family had all died, he had nobody. Bilbo listened with a heavy heart.
At that moment, Bilbo adopted Kili into his little family. He never had the heart to get rid of the young one and Kili never made a move to leave. After the dwarf was healed, Bilbo had a second pair of hands to help with Frodo. Kili when he wasn’t causing mischief cleaned, cooked, watched over Frodo, and even made money working at the tiny Forge in the Shire. Many of the other hobbits complained about the dwarf but Bilbo never cared for others opinions.
Bilbo’s nights were now filled with storytimes instead of the nightmares and sadness that had plagued them before. He told Kili about his time with the Company, smiling gently at the amazed look on the boy’s face. Kili in turn had told Bilbo that he was efficient in archery as his ‘adad was a soldier in the Erebor of the past.
A gentle hand on his shoulder made Bilbo jump out of his memories. He looked up to see Kili’s teasing smile.
“Where you able to get Frodo down my boy?”
Kili poured himself some water, moving around the kitchen to make tea, “Yes, I think nadad was just lonely.”
It warmed Bilbo’s heart to hear how easily Kili loved Frodo. It took little time for the young dwarf to cling to the tiny faunt. Bilbo thought for a moment looking out the window, the sun was starting to come out. Something felt weird inside of him but he paid it no mind.
“Are you going to the forge today?”
Kili sat down in the chair across from him, lounging back without a care in the world. A big 180 from the boy he met about a year ago.
“No, I’ve decided to take the day,” dramatically Kili held his hands up, “I am at your disposal, Irak’Adad.”
Bilbo laughed, “Okay great, how about you take a shower while I make breakfast then I can braid your hair while you eat. I want to start some work on the garden today. Get it ready for the season.”
At the mention of breakfast, Kili shot out of his seat like a bird. Bilbo chuckled, the boy was finally at a good weight. He was healthy as the work in the forge toughened his muscles.
Hours later Bilbo had Frodo on his back with a sling while he and Kili tore out plants only stopping to eat here and there. The weird feeling only grew as time went on but the day was too fun for Bilbo to care much. Around 4, Bilbo called it as they were all kind of sweaty and dirty even Frodo had helped out a little if messing around with the dirt counted as helping.
“Kili, can you clean up Frodo for me? I’m going to start on tea and sandwiches”
Entering the house Kili grabbed onto the faunt, spinning him around with a giggle.
“Come Frodo! We have some dirt to clean off of us.”
Bilbo was about to shout to not let Frodo get into the oil like last time but the weird feeling inside of him intensified to a harsh level. He gasped holding on to his chest. The next thing he knew his heart stopped as the doorbell rang.
Bilbo turned with shaky hands as he felt the ground beneath him fall.
It couldn’t be.
The blaring of the doorbell again spurring Bilbo into action. His breathing was ragged but his Took blood made him open up the door.
On the other side were two dwarrows that he could recognize anywhere. Bofur stepped forward to grab Bilbo into a bone-crushing hug.
“Bilbo, I can’t believe it.”
Bilbo gave an undignified squeak which caused the miner to drop him.
“Oops, sorry, I forgot my strength there. It’s been too long.”
Balin chuckled, “Yes, it’s been too long laddie.”
Bilbo couldn’t believe that they were here but his brain working on autopilot, made sure to usher them into the house. Balin and Bofur looked around, Bilbo could tell that they were reminiscing on the last time they had stepped into Bag End. Finally, Bilbo was able to find his voice.
“I-I’m sorry if I sound rude but… what are you doing here?”
Bilbo knew that he had mentioned to the dwarrows that his house was always open for them but none had made even an inkling about taking up the offer in their letters. His back gave a sharp throb.
Bofur and Balin gave each other a look. They sat down starting to dig into Bilbo’s kitchen to make tea and sandwiches like it was secondhand nature. Bilbo was too shocked even to stop them.
“Well, my lad, we’re here for you of course.”
Bilbo furrowed his eyebrows, “But-“
He was stopped by Kili’s entrance with Frodo in his arms.
“Uncle, I think Frodo wants you-“, Kili froze, finally realizing that they had company. Bilbo saw the young dwarf tense up. Kili had gotten used to the people of the Shire but he still struggled sometimes with new people.
He stood in a protective stance in front of his Irak’Adad and brother. Eyeing Bofur and Balin like enemies.
“Bilbo.....,” Balin spoke with shock in his voice, eyes glancing from Kili to Frodo. There was an obivious question there and Bofur was much the same.
Bilbo sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“How about we all just calm down and I’ll explain everything, okay?”
Hours later, Bilbo explained his whole story when he first made it back to the Shire. Bofur and Balin listened intently as he explained about Frodo’s parents and meeting Kili in the meadow. In turn, Kili softened up after a while as Bilbo explained who Bofur and Balin were to the hobbit.
“So you're the dwarrows from the stories?” Kili handed over Frodo who was reaching for Balin. Bilbo smiled as he watched Balin expertly hold on to Frodo even letting the faunt play with his beard.
Bofur nodded, “Bilbo’s told you about us then?”
Kili reached for another sandwich, “Yes, he has. Told me that you all were able to reclaim Erebor,” Kili’s voice was filled with excitement which made the miner chuckle.
“Aye, it’s true. Have you ever seen it?”
Kili shook his head, “No only ever heard it in stories from my ‘amad and ‘adad.”
Balin had a calculating look on his face. It had years of experience dealing with kings and dignitaries. The dwarf made a goofy face at Frodo which made the tiny hobbit laugh.
“Would you like to see it?”
Bilbo felt the pain in his back intensify. His stomach hurt and the air felt heavy around him. That was a dirty trick to play as he had a momentary lapse on why exactly the two dwarrows were here in the first place. He could see Kili freeze for a moment. Bilbo knew that the young dwarf was happy here in the Shire but there were times when Kili looked somewhat “homesick” but the boy always explained as being “homesick” for a home he never really knew.
Kili stared at him for a very long time then leaned back in his chair.
“I won’t go to a place where my Irak’Adad is not wanted.”
Bilbo could tell that this shocked Balin and Bofur. He wrung his hands. He had told Kili about the issue with the Arkenstone and Thorin.
“That’s not true, lad. We want Bilbo to come to Erebor.” Bofur was beside himself with that admission. He couldn’t fathom ever hating their hobbit.
Bilbo could tell that Kili was getting upset, he put a hand on the dwarf’s knee effectively grounding them both.
“Oh really? And what of Thorin?”
Bilbo jumped at the name but made no comment. He watched as Balin was starting to get upset about the way Kili was talking and Bilbo prepared himself to defend his nephew even if he felt like throwing up. Only Balin seemed to reign in his emotions.
“That’s the thing. We were sent here by Thorin.”
Bilbo’s heart froze, “Really? He wants me to go back?”
Balin passed off Frodo to Bofur who took the faunt with extreme care.
“Yes, he does. We all want you at Erebor, Bilbo. It is your home as much as ours but Thorin especially hasn’t been right since you’ve been gone. When you disappeared on us, well he was unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”
Bilbo pursed his lips, “Yes, I’ve heard.”
“And, we will protect your whole family on the journey there, Bilbo. Even if this all came as somewhat of a surprise, don’t think we won’t want you still.”
Bilbo thought it over. It was strange as he never believed that he would ever go back to Erebor in the first place.
Suddenly, Kili leaned over, putting his hand over Bilbo’s.
“Uncle, you can’t be serious. You don’t have to do this, he hurt you. You don’t owe him anything.” Bilbo smiled at his nephew’s concern. He put a hand on Kili’s cheek.
“I know my boy but I do miss my Company and well I want you to see Erebor. It’s the place where your people came from and I want you to have more than just stories.”
His hazel eyes pierced Kili’s blue ones and eventually, the young dwarf relented. Bofur chimed in after letting the moment pass, visibly trying to not get too excited with Frodo dozing off in his arms.
“So is that a yes?”
Against his better judgment, Bilbo nodded. Bofur yelped but quickly collected himself before he woke up Frodo. Balin smiled, relief flooding the older dwarf's body.
“Great. We’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll make sure to send a raven out to Thorin.”
Bilbo's anxiety spiked, “How about we not tell Thorin? I just don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” He pleaded with Balin who seemed to think it over. Eventually, he relented. Nobody in the Company was able to deny their hobbit anything.
“Okay lad, but I will tell him that we are making our way back.”
Bilbo nodded giving thanks. Balin and Bofur eventually left leaving Bilbo with that funny feeling again,
“Are you sure about this, Uncle?”
Bilbo looked up into Kili’s worried blue eyes. His heart melted at the sight.
“Yes, I’m sure. Now you better get some sleep, you have your first proper adventure tomorrow.” Bilbo smiled widely at Kili. He wasn’t going to let the looming feeling of meeting Thorin again trump what this visit could offer his family.