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Tuk's floating, like underwater without the water. Is there water? She waves her head around a little, trying to feel it on her face. If there's water here, maybe her ilu is here, too--maybe even if there's no water. Ronal says ilu don't fly, but ilu should fly.
"That so, kid?"
Did she say that out loud? Tuk blinks, looking for the source of the voice, for, for...Z, that's right. Z-Dog. She has a longer name, but Tuk doesn't know how to say it. That doesn't feel right.
"I'm sorry I don't know how to say your longer name," she says sadly.
Z-Dog makes a little laughing sound. "That's okay, Jaws." She reaches out, pulling Tuk closer, like she's trying to keep her from flying away. Her chest is warm against Tuk's skin, warm and bare. "I don't mind."
Jaws. That's Tuk, that's her name. Because she bites. She was biting a lot, wasn't she, earlier? Everything is so fuzzy...
You keep a gun on Jaws and Carrie, I'll go deal with--
"Don't worry, kid." Z-Dog smooths a hand down Tuk's back. "I'm not mad anymore." She's smiling, that pretty pink stuff dancing through her teeth. "Biting's fun, ain't it?"
"I guess." Tuk's not supposed to bite unless in self-defense, she has to learn to use her words. The words aren't coming together in her head right, though, and she feels too sleepy to bite anything, so she doesn't know what to do.
Before she can figure that out, a strange squeaking sound catches her attention. She looks around, peering through the shadows of the room, the glowing thing in the corner--the movie, that's what Z-Dog called it.
There's a Sky Lady with no clothes and red hair on a bed, pinning down a Sky Lady with no clothes and yellow hair, their bodies rocking and trembling. The redheaded lady is shaking and growling things that don't sound very nice, and the yellow-haired lady is making strange choking noises.
Her hair flashes like sunlight, jerked back and forth. The only person Tuk knows with yellow hair is Spider. It's strange, but pretty, same way Spider is pretty.
(hair jerking back and forth as he hangs over his daddy's broad blue back, thrashing and screaming, don't you fucking touch her. but his daddy carried him away, and the door closed, and the memory falls apart whenever she thinks about it too long, and)
"You think Spider is pretty?" Z-Dog asks. She sounds amused, and Tuk squirms, curving in on herself, because she does, but she's never told anyone before.
"Don't..." she mumbles. "Don't tell my brothers or Kiri that. They'll tease me forever and ever and ever."
Z-Dog nods solemnly. "Our secret, Jaws." She reaches out and taps a finger against Tuk's lips, traces it down her cheek, over her neck and down her chest. Tuk squirms at the touch, breath catching when the finger circles her hip.
"What are you..." Tuk squeaks as the finger slips between her legs, rubs up against, against something down there that makes her stomach all hot and buzzy. It's good, somehow, and it's bad, somehow, like she's eaten too much of a good thing.
(where is her tewng cloth?)
"You're not--" she forces. "You shouldn't--" She has private places, doesn't she? Private places that no one's allowed to touch except for her, until she's older.
"Why wait?" Z-Dog cocks her head, eyes shining so bright. "You're not scared, are you?"
"I, I'm not--" She's blinking too fast, because she's not scared, she isn't, but her heart is racing anyway. "I..."
She blinks, and the room around her flickers. The red-haired lady on the screen is moving back and forth, jerking and shuddering, head thrown back, but the lady on the bed isn't moving at all. Her eyes are so big and looking at nothing.
"Easy." Z-Dog takes her by the face, turning Tuk's head around. "It's okay, kid. I've got more medicine for you, see?" She holds up a palm, a brightly pink circle gleaming inside. "It'll help you relax."
Tuk blinks. "I shouldn't...I already had some. Mama says you're not supposed to eat, eat too many sweets."
(where is her mother? where is her daddy? where are her brothers, her sister, her grandma? where is Spider? why does it feel like she's missing something very, very important?)
"C'mon." Z-Dog's nail taps Tuk's lip. "One more won't hurt. It's gonna help you get all relaxed, y'know? Make you feel good." She cocks her head, frowning. The pink stuff in her mouth glows, and her eyes shine so bright. "Don't you trust me, Jaws?"
Z-Dog. Does Tuk trust Z-Dog? Z-Dog helped her, protected her, stood between her and the (other) soldiers with their hungry smiles, the doctors with their needles. Z-Dog forgave her for biting and not being able to pronounce her name. Z-Dog picked her up and brought her to this soft, warm place.
Z-Dog is looking at her so tenderly, like the red-haired lady on the screen is looking at the yellow-haired lady lying on the bed, holding so still. She cups the yellow-haired lady's cheek, pressing their foreheads together, and it looks safe, somehow. It looks right.
Tuk feels her mouth slide open, the cool weight of the circle on her tongue. Then Z-Dog pushes her mouth shut, cupping her face so tenderly, planting soft kisses on Tuk's forehead as the circle dissolves across her tongue. It's sweet, so sweet it almost hurts, and she likes her lips without really thinking.
"There we go." Z's hands wrap around Tuk's hips, big enough, it seems to circle her waist in one hand. "Isn't that better?"
Before Tuk can reply, she's caught off guard by a wave of dizziness, like being caught off guard by the Awa'atlu surf. Her head slips back with a whimper, light flashing overhead. Flashing, blazing, burning, like fire in the distance, in the water and the trees, reflected a millions in her mother's shattered eyes--
"Easy, sweetheart, it's all right. That's over now, you hear? You don't have to worry about that shit anymore." Tuk feels a hand cupping her head, tucking her between soft blue valleys that she distantly recognizes as Z-Dog's breasts. They're pretty breasts, she thinks.
Another little chuckle. "That's pretty sweet of you to say, Jaws." A handle comes up, tracing your chest. "You'll have some damn good tits yourself, I'm sure."
That sounds like a good thing--Tuk thinks so, anyway. She thinks that...she thinks that...
Tuk blinks. She's in the woods, back home, like nothing ever changed--nothing, except she's crouching by that muddy path again, and instead of footprints, there's something slick and pink smeared through the dirt before her. It flutters at the edges as she tries to look at it, rippling and shimmering, filling the air with the stink of rot.
"Tuk," a voice says, low and frantic, and Tuk looks up. Kiri kneels across from her, eyes wide, sanhì flaring so much it almost hurts. Her hair ripples, flickering from black to red and green again, and her fingers tremble where they're twisted up in the mud.
"We're gonna find you, Tuktuk." Kiri reaches out and plants a hand on Tuk's shoulder, looking so scared it makes Tuk's blood run cold. "You hear me? You and Spider, we're coming, you just gotta hold on a little bit longer. We're taking you home, just on--"
She shudders, clutching her head with a snarl of pain. Tuk wants to reach for her, help her, but her hands are limp at her sides. The forest is trembling around them, green and brown twisting into a haze of gold and blue and pink, the ground melting away underneath her.
"Fuck..." Kiri rasps. "No, please--"
Tuk blinks. She's lying on her back, and everything's dull and hazy, and her shoulder's tingling like someone just touched it, but she doesn't remember who. There are sounds coming from somewhere, buzzing through a speaker, gasps and whimpers and wet chopping sounds that remind her of Daddy cutting meat.
And she's moving. Just a little, back and forth, but she's moving, pushed by...by something coming up between her legs. Coming up inside her, a hurting-good drag of pressure that makes her breath catch, spots dancing in front of her eyes. It jerks, and the pain spikes, making her whimper.
"Easy." A hand smooths her stomach, rubbing across her chest. "You're all good, Jaws. Christ, you're so fucking pretty."
Tuk coughs. "Hurts..."
"I know, I know." A hand nudging at her mouth, warm fingers pulling her open. "The first time is the hardest, but it gets easier when you adjust, sweetheart." A circle settles onto her tongue, her jaws firmly pressed together. Her head is tilted up, those fingers massaging her throat as she swallows.
(we're gonna find you, but she is so small and Z-Dog is so big and nothing feels real except the two of them. we're gonna take you home, but Tuk doesn't even know what means anymore, and sometimes she doesn't think it means anything at all)
"That's it." She's settled back down, down, staring up into the vast blue haze looming over her, that dancing shimmer of pink. "That's the last one, kid. You can go back to sleep now."
I don't want to, Tuk wants to whine, but her tongue isn't working. And when she thinks about it, she does feel kind of sleepy. Very sleepy, in fact. The pain between her legs fades into a distant buzz, like maybe it isn't even there at all.
"Good girl," Z-Dog murmurs as Tuk's eyes slip closed again. The movie lets out a muffled scream, and warm lips press against her, sickly sweet pink. "That's it, off to Dreamland."
She doesn't think she goes to Dreamland; she doesn't think she goes anywhere, except the endless, drifting dark. She hopes that Z-Dog's okay with that.