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Leaning against the wall of the studio, Wonwoo watches with a soft smile as the others scream and chase each other around the room, the sounds echoing in the large space. He’s always enjoyed watching them, even joining in when he feels like it but at the moment he feels worn out, both emotionally and physically. He wishes he could talk to either of his best friends but Soonyoung is busy right now, he has a busy week ahead, and to be honest Mingyu is part of the reason so he's stewing in these thoughts he has. He has always loved spending time with the younger boy, but lately it's been getting harder to talk to him or spend time with him as he seems to avoid being near Wonwoo lately.
Since they were trainees he has shared a room with Mingyu, sometimes a bed even, when the dorms had been overcrowded and people had had to share beds Mingyu had happily claimed Wonwoo to share with the first time it happened and it had stuck ever since. They have always shared rooms on tour and spent their evenings together watching shows and gaming. But then recently Mingyu joined the 97 liners chat and became friends with Yugeom, Jungkook and the rest. They had slowly stopped being so close and eventually Wonwoo felt like he hardly saw the younger man outside of work. Mingyu now spends all his time with people his own age instead. It made him wonder if he has done something wrong but he quickly realises whether he has or not, Mingyu wasn’t going to give him the chance to ask never mind apologise and try to fix whatever it was he might have done.
But Wonwoo is happy for him of course, he loves seeing how energised the younger man seems to be these days, he has a lot of calls and messages throughout the day now too. How he wishes he could be as outgoing but he never really has been able to make friends as easily as the other members, nor has he enjoyed the club scene like the others. So while Seokmin, Minghao and Mingyu get dressed up for their now regular nights out, Wonwoo curls up in his bed alone. He knows he could go hang out with the others, maybe, but he doesn't even know where most of them go on a rare free evening now. All he knows is the dorm is usually empty and silent until late night, so he spends his time watching sad shows and sometimes letting his emotions take over. He knows it's not a healthy pass-time but he doesn’t find it in him to care enough to make an effort. At one point in the past he would have gone out to a cafe, museum or something and found someone to have fun with but since he’d realised his feelings for Mingyu he had stopped. God, 18 months without any sex, he’s sure the others must think he’s pathetic, but then again, they never knew about his hookups anyway so of course he was pathetic in their eyes already. Only Soonyoung had any clue, as he was the one Wonwoo had talked to when he felt disgusted with himself, often not too long after those nights spent in a hotel room.
Then one night, not too long after he has eventually closed his laptop down and crawled into his bed, he hears the bedroom door open and a giggling Mingyu and someone else slip inside, trying and failing to be quiet. He listens, his breath held, as they shuffle about before they fall into Mingyu's bed together and his heart really hurts for the first time ever as Mingyu kisses the other person, small moans emanating from the man he is sharing his bed with. He lays there stiffly, wide awake but scared to make a noise as Mingyu and the other person kiss and mumble drunken words of affection to each other before they fall asleep. Wonwoo can’t stay in the room any longer, so he grabs clothes, his phone and his bag and flees to the living room. He dresses in the dark, now wide awake, not wanting to wake Jeonghan up by using the bathroom across from his and Seungkwan's room. He’s a light sleeper, the one who wakes up for any noise, which leads him to wonder if the elder knew Mingyu would be fetching someone back to the dorm tonight.
In the end Wonwoo leaves the dorm at around 4am to go to the company building because he can't get back to sleep and he really didn't want to see who was sharing Mingyu's bed. He can't stop shivering all the way there and even after three coffees and curling up in front of the heater in the corner of their practice room, he still shivers. He wants to write some rap lines for a song they have in the pipelines, maybe some lyrics too but he can't write anything legible with being so cold, so he puts his headphones in and listens to some music instead hoping to fall asleep but he doesn't, his mind still stuck on the fact that Mingyu, the guy he’d always thought was straight so he didn't have a chance with, had been making out with a guy in their room with no thought to Wonwoo being there whatsoever.
His phone starts to buzz when it gets close to breakfast time, he checks the messages as they pop up and answers a couple, one from Soonyoung and one from Seungcheol. He knows better than to ignore either of them but the others he leaves unread for now. When his phone starts to ring he sighs before answering.
Jeonghan speaks quietly so he knows not everyone is awake yet. “Where are you? Why aren't you in your bed?”
Wonwoo sighs again, “I couldn't sleep, hyung, so figured I'd just come to the company early to work on a new song.”
Jeonghan hums, “Fair enough, Wonwoo. Just make sure you nap before we get there, you have an hour. I’ll pack you some breakfast and you will eat all of it, okay?” He knows better than to argue so he agrees. Yet when they turn up he hasn't slept a wink and ends up with the start of a pounding headache. He doesn't eat either because the second they arrive, he hears Chan and Vernon giving Mingyu the third degree and it makes his stomach churn.
“Oh come on, Mingyu, how did you even end up with Taeyong sharing your bed though?”
Wonwoo's head whips up at that, Who is that? He gets his answer when Mingyu decides to answer them. “He joined Jaehyun for a night out, it wasn't anything. He just didn't want to go home because he had promised he wouldn't get drunk so I said he could crash at ours, that's all.” He realises it's the leader of NCT, he cringes internally, that man is so good looking. “We crashed the second we hit the pillows, and he had to leave early. Hardly even spoke to him, so don’t make a big deal out of it okay?.” Mingyu says as he crosses the room to start stretching.
Wonwoo can’t believe Mingyu, sure he isn’t technically lying to everyone, they couldn’t really speak with their tongues down each other's throats but still….. He opts to keep his mouth shut, it’s not his place to say anything, instead just rolls his eyes before he starts to scroll through his phone, blocking out everything they are saying. He tries to act normal around the younger man but he ends up just staying away from him and because he is curled up with some of the others, he avoids everyone in the end, lack of sleep making him even more taciturn than usual. By the end of the day all he wants is his bed, but when he crawls into it all he can do is stare at the other empty bed, the messy bedding making him sigh.
It actually takes him a couple of weeks to realise that it’s becoming a regular thing for Mingyu to fetch a random Idol, male or female, back to their room when he thinks Wonwoo should be asleep. He hates it, he really does, it's pure torture for him to know that these strangers get to be with Mingyu, knowing it will never be him in their place. So every time Wonwoo slips, silently, out of the bedroom as soon as he can, hating that he has to listen to them because he isn't ever asleep, his mind never turns off on the nights Mingyu goes out waiting to see, or more accurately hear, who he fetches back this time. He doesn't ever want to have to face them the next morning as they try to slip out of bed and the dorm so he has started to leave the dorm in the darkness of predawn heading to the company building, intending to work or practice but he ends up sleeping awkwardly on the floor of an empty studio room instead.
But then one night, after a couple of months of this, nearly nightly, activity from Mingyu, he reaches his limit. He has been sick for a few days now, feeling pretty low and lonely, when he has to listen to Mingyu receiving yet another blowjob and that, for some reason, is the final straw for him.
He’d just spent three long days alone while they have a week off, some members going home to their families, but the rest have been going out and meeting friends. Wonwoo was supposed to go home but he hasn't been feeling well, in fact he has been very sick but he will absolutely deny that and insist it's just a slight cold. Even so, he cancelled his trip home opting to stay in his bed instead. He still hasn't told anyone he’s sick yet, not wanting to spoil their time off knowing full well the eldest members would give up their time to look after him instead of enjoying their precious time off.
Yet as he lays there in the dark, every part of him hurting and drenched in sweat from his fever, he’s suddenly very upset, hurt and annoyed that not one of them has even checked on him in all those days, he hasn't even had a single text message. Mingyu hadn’t been home since their first day off at the weekend, except tonight, and that's only to mess around with some guy. So, in a sudden fit of anger, he grabs his phone and medications off the bedside table and storms out the bedroom, slamming the door hard enough to make a picture fall off the wall in the hall. He makes his way to Minghao and Jun's empty room on the other side of the dorm, tears streaming down his face and locks the door before he climbs into Jun's bed, pulling the covers over his head while coughing a lung up again.
The next morning he feels even worse than the day before, his temperature has begun to climb even higher, he’s shivering and aching while covered in sweat, his throat raw from coughing, and nothing has shifted the headache he has had all week. He has taken meds to help though so he figures he should be fine soon enough. The moment he appears in the kitchen, he knows he's in trouble because Seungcheol tells him off for waking everyone up, before he can even sit down. He says he is to apologise to everyone for the noise last night and he has to pay for the picture frame. He coughs into his tissues, nodding as he sits down, he would have done that anyway without being told. He thinks it’s going to be okay, he can apologise while he eats and go back to bed, but then Mingyu appears. He glares at Wonwoo, before sitting at the table and saying, “What the hell was that last night?”
Wonwoo has no inclination to answer him, not wanting to do this in front of the others but Mingyu just repeats his question again with more venom in his voice and it flips a switch in him.
“I didn't feel like listening to you and whoever he was this time having sex, again. So I chose to leave. Sorry if I disturbed you both but I can’t sleep when you fetch people back because you’re always so loud and it keeps me awake. And I'm just so tired right now, Mingyu.” He doesn't look at the younger man as he speaks because he's afraid the younger man will see the hurt in his eyes, because it really hurts him every time Mingyu chooses someone that isn't him.
The rest of the members who are still at home, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Seokmin and Joshua, all freeze whatever they are doing to glance at the both of them. They know the two rarely argue, Wonwoo being soft for the younger which meant he got away with a lot.
“I’m allowed to have friends back to the dorm. I have the right to have a life, maybe if you got one you wouldn’t be so fixated on mine then you could leave me the hell alone.” Mingyu snaps before turning and leaving the kitchen. Seungcheol chases after him, shouting about respecting others. The rest are stunned into silence, while Wonwoo suddenly coughs again, struggling to breathe a little this time. No one moves to comfort him, they probably think he wouldn’t appreciate it right now but he yearns for it right now, though he can see Jeonghan fidgeting. His shoulders slump as he eventually catches his breath, “I think I’ll go back to bed. It’s probably better if I stay away from everyone for now… not that that's been an issue lately anyway.” He pushes away from the table, putting his dishes in the sink and turning to leave when Joshua stops him with a question, “What do you mean by that, Wonwoo?” he asks softly.
He shakes his head, he shouldn’t take his hurt feelings out on everyone else should he? “Sorry, Hyung. I don’t mean to be rude to any of you. I still feel like shit and I'm beyond tired.”
Then a chair scrapes across the floor and Jeonghan is in front of him, physically stopping him from leaving, “What do you mean, still? Since when have you been ill? Why didn’t you tell me? We honestly thought you went home, Sweetie, it's what you said you were doing,and you didn’t tell me any different.” He has a hand plastered on Wonwoo's forehead as he speaks, Wonwoo sighs at the coolness of it.
“It’s okay, Hyung, really. I didn’t want to disrupt your week off, I know you have plans, everyone does. I cancelled mine because of being sick though, I didn’t want to give it to my dad. He’s not been well either, so I’ve been home all week.” Wonwoo admits, coughing again, this time a stray tear slips down his cheeks as his throat flares in pain again, it's getting really sore now, so at least that's the excuse he will use if they mention the tear, not that his heart and soul are hurting so bad right now though.
Jeonghan quickly wraps him in his arms, rubbing his back, “Oh you silly boy. Shua, make him some tea with plenty of honey, please. Come on, let's get you back to bed.”
Wonwoo starts to really cry at receiving some care at last, but when he realises Jeonghan is walking towards his room he stops moving, “I don’t want to go in there right now. Can we go back to Junnies room? They are too loud.” They can clearly hear the raised voices between Seungcheol and Mingyu inside their shared room and it’s already too much for his pounding head, so Jeonghan nods and takes him the opposite way.
He climbs back into the messy bed, with a sigh he flops down, now he isn’t struggling to hold himself up anymore he can relax. Jeonghan frowns when he notices the medications and thermometer on the bedside table. “Let me check your temperature, hmm?.” Wonwoo’s eyes close and he falls asleep again even before the thermometer beeps.
When he wakes up again sometime later in the day, Wonwoo finds Jeonghan and Seokmin sitting on the floor next to Jun’s bed. He tries to speak but ends up having a coughing fit, Jeonghan quickly rises to help him as Seokmin rushes from the room without even looking at him. Seungcheol takes his place next to Jeonghan by the time Wonwoo stops coughing. “Do we need a doctor, Hannie?” He asks as he frowns at Wonwoo, who knows he is going to get a lecture about not telling them when he's feeling better. He shrinks back under the covers while Jeonghan tries to take his temperature again.
“It's down a little from earlier, Cheol. Let's see how he's doing in the morning eh? How are you feeling, baby?”
Wonwoo takes a few seconds to respond, checking himself before he replies, “Tired, Hyung. Can I go back to sleep?”
“You only just woke up, and you’ve slept all day. It's nearly dinner time, so how about you go shower, put some clean clothes on and eat, then you can sleep, hmm?” Jeonghan says. Wonwoo nods slightly, knowing he can't deny his hyungs request, he slips the cover off and climbs out of the bed. He gets a hug from both men before he shuffles down the hall to his own room. to find it empty but when he opens the closet to grab clean clothes he's surprised to find that it is half empty, all of Mingyu's clothes have been removed. He turns and scans the room only to realise most of his stuff has gone as well. He laughs brokenly at the sight, maybe Mingyu has wanted to move rooms for a while now, and this was the excuse he needed, after all he never spent time with Wonwoo anymore did he?
He turns and grabs his clean clothes and heads for the bathroom, determined that he will not react to the empty room, he did nothing wrong after all. He throws his clothes on the counter before getting a quick shower, it makes him feel a bit better and he is grateful Jeonghan pushed him to have one now.
When he makes his way to the kitchen, hair still dripping onto the towel around his neck, he hears the others talking, voices raised and angry. He slows down and listens in, something he would normally never do but he hears his own name mentioned and it makes him curious to know what they are saying.
“I’m sorry, Hyung, but if he's going to act like that towards Mingyu for liking men like that then he should sleep alone. You can't expect any of us to share with someone like that, he wouldn't even go in the bedroom while he was in there, would he?” Seokmin says, his voice low and angry. “I love him, I do but I can't really tolerate that kind of mindset.” He can hear someone humming in agreement, and he's so shocked he steps backwards away from the kitchen. Do they really think he would do that? It's true that only Soonyoung knows he's gay, but still, he's always been openly, actively pro LGBTQ.
He rushes back to his room, hurt coursing through his body, both emotional and physical, and locks the door again, dropping the towel from his neck, he grabs a bag and starts to throw clothes into it, when it's full he pulls out a hard suitcase and packs his most treasured things, packed carefully inside more clothing. He looks at the ring on his pinkie finger, something he swore to always wear, a tear escapes as he removes it and places it on the bedside table. He loves all twelve men but it suddenly feels like some of them have never even tried to get to really know him in all their years together. He quickly books a taxi, then slips out the room and bolts for the front door. He doesn't stop to close it behind him as he flees down the stairs and out the building. He clambers into the taxi, panting and sweating again, breathlessly he asks to be taken to the train station.
He feels his phone start to vibrate in his pocket as they get closer to the station but he ignores it, choosing to relax against the seat for now, his body aching from the slight exertion. When it starts to ring he silences it instead, it’s taking everything in him to not cry and if he has to deal with his members he won’t be able to keep himself together. They pull up to the station soon enough and Wonwoo makes sure to fix a mask over his face and pulls him out of his beanie down to cover as much of his face as possible before he exits the taxi and rolls his suitcase into the station, he heads for a cash machine and withdraws some money then heads for the ticket booth.
On the train, he suddenly feels like he’s dying, everything hurts, he struggles to even lift a hand to his face but more than that, it’s his heart, it feels like it’s broken beyond repair. He doesn’t know what to do now that he’s here on the train, he can't even remember where he's going, just that it's not a town where anyone would think to look for him. Only now that he's safely on the moving train does he pull his phone out, the screen makes him sigh. Twenty missed calls from the hyungs and a couple from management not to mention the messages. He swipes them all away before he opens his chat with Soonyoung, he sits and thinks about what to say to his other best friend.
To Hoshi:
I am so sorry, Soonie.
I couldn't stay in the dorms any longer.
I really just need some time for myself, can you tell them for me?
I can't deal with them right now.
I'll let you know when I'm coming back.
I love you, take care .
Then he turns his phone off knowing Soonyoung will ring him straight away, and he can't deal with that conversation while sick and travelling.
When he gets to the small town he’d randomly chosen, Wonwoo searches for hotels and finds a small family run, out of the way, place not too far away. He slowly heads there, each step a struggle now and books a room for a few days, unsure how long he will stay. Only after eating a delicious home cooked meal in his room and changing into bed clothes does he turn his phone back on. It starts to ring straight away, along with a constant buzzing from notifications as well, he puts it on speaker when he answers the call.
“Where the hell are you? What happened? Talk to me, eh?” Soonyoung is frantic as he speaks, and it makes Wonwoo feel guilty, more so than he’d expected because he knows some of the others (Jeonghan) will be feeling the same way too, though he's sure it's not all of them.
“Calm down, I'm safe. It was such a mess, Soonie…” he coughs as he tells Soonyoung all that had happened, and he smiles as Soonyoung curses Mingyu out. He, of course, knows all about Wonwoo's feelings for the younger man. But when he threatens Seokmins life Wonwoo actually laughs, he can hear Jihoon trying to calm his boyfriend down. He wonders how any of them could be so dense, thinking he is homophobic when they have two gay couples already in the group, couples he has happily helped and supported.
But then he remembers neither couple is actually out to the group yet. While Soonyoung and Seungkwan would both happily be open about it, their partners weren't ready so only Wonwoo knew about their relationships with Jihoon and Hansol, respectively. It wasn't that they didn't trust the others, they just wanted to come out to their parents first, he had come out to his family a few years ago so he knew how they felt even though he still hadn’t come out to the rest of the group yet, now after today, he doubts he ever will. And oh hell, it was this week they were doing that.
“Hey Jihoonie, I forgot to text you before to see how it went with the family. I've been a bit sick this week and it slipped my mind, sorry.”
This earns him another round of questions and Soonyoung cursing out loud again. They talk for a few minutes, Jihoon tells him his family were very accepting of their relationship, it makes him smile again to know that it went well. Wonwoo texts Hansol as they talk but then he starts to get more calls so he says goodbye with a promise to call Soonyoung in the morning. He has the urge to shut the phone off again but he knows he needs to talk to Jeonghan or Seungcheol so he settles on his bed and dials Jeonghan's number.
“Jeon Wonwoo, where the fuck are you? You supposed be in your bed, getting better not fucking disappearing like this.” Jeonghan rants into the phone before Wonwoo hears muffled arguing then Jeonghan apologises, “I'm so sorry, honey. Are you okay? Are you safe? I'm just so worried. You shouldn't be going outside in your condition.”
Wonwoo's heart cracks, hearing his hyung so upset, “Hyung…I'm sorry for leaving, I really am, but I couldn't stay.. I heard everyone talking, is that really what you all think of me? It hurt so much.... I just had to get out of there.”
He hears Jeonghan hand the phone to Seungcheol muttering as he did so and then there's screaming in the background, “Wonwoo? Don't worry too much, Hannie wasn't there when Seokmin said what he did, I think he would have decked him if he had been, you know how he gets. I shouldn't have let him say it either but I wanted to find out where everyone's minds were at, I don't agree of course, you have to believe that… You know, I’m not as blind or dumb as I'm made out to be, okay? I know how you’re feeling when it comes to Mingyu, I went through something similar myself as you know. Just please come home, we miss you already, Hannies on his fourth meltdown.” Seungcheol says with a chuckle before he hears a soft kiss being given, ah yeah, he forgot there’s a thing growing between the oldest two as well, but it was kept quiet and hidden mostly. He is relieved to hear that their leader doesn't think so lowly of him as well. So in the end, he easily agrees to return within a couple of days.
When they end the call, Wonwoo sits in silence for a while, feeling stupid for overreacting. He decides to blame it all on being unwell, he can blame the high fever for his silly behaviour. He holds his phone in his hand and watches as more texts pop up. He's surprised to see a couple from Seokmin, both showing apologies but he doesn't open them, he knows he will cry if he does, and if he cries he is worried he won't be able to stop. He notices there's nothing from Mingyu though, he wonders for a second if he was in the kitchen earlier but quickly pushes that thought away. He reaches into his bag and pulls out his charger, plugging the phone in next to the bed, Wonwoo turns away from its flashing lights. He climbs under the blankets, cursing himself when he realises he forgot to pick up any more meds but knows he can’t do anything about it until the morning. He quickly falls asleep before he can think too much about it all.
The sun is high in the sky when he eventually wakes up again. Groaning, Wonwoo rolls over, aiming to get out of bed and use the bathroom but his limbs are heavy, too heavy to move, yet his bladder is full so he eventually rolls off the bed, hitting the floor with a thud. His body starts to shiver instantly as he slowly crawls to the bathroom, where he ends up dragging himself onto the seat of the toilet, legs too weak to stand long enough to pee normally, he struggles with washing his hands but luckily the tap is a sensor one otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to do it and he cringes at that thought. Then he starts to make the seemingly long journey back to the bed, only to lose consciousness at one point. When he comes around again he finds himself slumped halfway into the bedroom. He pushes himself back onto his hands and knees and eventually makes it back to the bed, but can't muster up enough energy to pull himself back up on it. So he drags a cover off it instead, falling asleep instantly on the floor, using his arm as a pillow, not waking again until it's dark outside. He tries to reach up for a bottle of water he can see placed on the bedside table, his throat parched but his arms refuse to move so he closes his eyes and sleeps again.
A persistent knocking on his door pulls him from a fever dream, where the other members hate him and kick him out, saying they never want to see him again. The noise thankfully forces him awake. “Yes?” He shouts as loud as he can in response to the noise. “Ah, hello? It's the owner, I was a bit worried about you because you haven't come out since you arrived and you haven't ordered any meals either. Is everything okay in there, sir?”
Wonwoo wants to cry in relief, so thankful he chose a small family run hotel “Would I be able to have some assistance please? I’m quite unwell, and it seems I don't have the strength to move far by myself.”
He hears a key card click in the lock and an elderly woman and a young man appear in his vision, he feels tears slip down his face but he doesn't have the energy to try to stop them or even wipe them away. “Okay, Jaemin, let's get this young man up and into bed. Unless you need the bathroom first, sir?” The woman says and Wonwoo shakes his head as he is helped up off the floor. The woman places his phone near his hand, “It looks like you’ve been missed, young man. It's buzzing again. Now, if you don't mind, I have a cousin who is a doctor, he’s having his supper down stairs as we speak. Jaemin here is gonna go grab him to come and check you over and while he does that, I'm going to get some food for you.” Wonwoo just nods to everything, he really feels like crap.
As Jaemin disappears, he feels his phone vibrate again. Only then does he remember he hasn't called Soonyoung like he promised to so he texts him to let him know he is alive but still unwell and tired, ignoring the others missed calls and messages. That only gets him another call from said man, he sighs, not having enough energy to stay awake, never mind talk on the phone. The woman watches him for a moment and before he can react, she takes his phone and answers the call.
“Hello? Yes, yes he is here. No, he's extremely sick right now. He hasn't eaten since he arrived two days ago…. I own the hotel here. Yes, we came to check on him just now and he was sleeping on the floor…couldn't move much. No…I have a doctor coming up now…..ah here he is.. will you ring me back in five minutes, yes I'll keep hold of it. Thank you young man, it's not a problem.” Wonwoo just slowly blinks as the woman slips his phone into her apron pocket. He's stuck on the fact that he's been asleep for two days? How the hell has he slept for so long?
Then he is being prodded and poked, questioned and spoonfed medication by the doctor, who is like a carbon copy of the old woman. As he finishes treating Wonwoo, she reappears with a trolley full of food and drinks for Wonwoo. “Ok, let's get some of this down you, young man. We need to get you better so you can get back home eh.” So he attempts to eat as much as he can but starts to get drowsy a few mouthfuls in, once the medication takes effect. The last thing he hears is the woman excitedly telling the doctor that Wonwoo is a real life idol, Jaemin is a fan of his group, she says with a giggle.
When he wakes up again, it's to a hand in his hair, gently stroking his hair in comfort. He sighs contentedly, before startling awake, when he recalls he isn't at the dorms. But when he sees Jeonghan and Soonyoung either side of him, he can't help but break down in tears again as relief floods his body. He hates being sick at the best of times but everything is too much all at once right now. Jeonghan pulls him into his embrace, soothingly stroking his hair and back, Soonyoung tucking his covers back over them. “How did you find me?” He quietly asks, although he has an idea how already.
“Your kind, sweet, friendly hotel owner told Soonyoung last night. She is quite the lady. He and Jihoon came back to the dorms around the same time so I decided to drive us both down to collect you, I wouldn't have slept anyway. I made everyone else stay back there to deal with their issues and Jihoons anger…. I'm sorry for all that's happened, baby.” Jeonghan tells him as Soonyoung places a kiss on his head.
“We were so worried, Wonu. Don't ever do this to me again or I swear I will find you and kill you next time.” his best friend whispers into his hair.
Wonwoo mumbles an apology before he dozes off again. His last thought is that he’s getting fed up with sleeping, which is amazing for someone who normally rarely gets enough of it. So when he wakes up again he pulls himself up and leans against the headboard to try to stay awake. He watches as Jeonghan packs his things back up, leaving just a fresh set of clothes out and Soonyoung is on the phone in the corner of the room whispering into it, until he sees Wonwoo awake then he ends the call quickly and rushes over to him.
“We’re taking you home today. Everyone is back, even Jun and Hao are on the way back early, they couldn't stay in China once they heard you’d left like that. There has been a lot of talking, mostly a load of shit if you ask me….. Why didn’t you just fucking tell them?”
He shrugs in response, why should he have to? He forgets Jeonghan is there too for a minute when he says, “I don't see why I should have to tell them until I’m ready to. It shouldn’t have to be said as a form of defence should it?” Soonyoung sighs as he hugs him, “No, you’re right. It really shouldn’t. It has nothing to do with any of this really, does it?”
“So how was it really for you? Did Jihoonies family really react okay with you dating and everything? Were they nice to you?” he asks his friend, wanting to change the topic, his voice slightly muffled with his face squished into Soonyoungs chest.
“WHAT? You two are dating? Since when? Why didn’t I know about this?” Jeonghan stamps a foot where he is still folding clothes.
Soonyoung laughs loudly, making Wonwoo smile. “Yep, we’re dating, it's been three months now. We wanted to wait for Jihoonie to be ready to share the news. Only Wonwoo knew, he’s my bestie after all. But my baby came out to his parents this week so we were going to tell you all when we got back. Wonwoo has been helping us keep it a secret, covering for us when we went on dates and stuff.”
Jeonghan suddenly starts to laugh leaving the other two silent, “Sorry, I just realised, he’s the only one who knows about S.coups and me too. Is there anyone else you’re covering for?”
Wonwoo raises an eyebrow, “I can’t tell their secrets, you have to wait for them to feel it’s the right time.” he pushes the covers off his body and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, he feels a little better than yesterday, yet he is surprised when he tries to stand and collapses back onto the bed.
Jeonghan tells him the doctor told them he would be weak for a while longer and would need help for a day or two but he would be back to normal soon enough. “As long as you don’t go travelling alone again in the meantime.” is added sarcastically. So he has to deal with Soonyoung dragging him to the bathroom to freshen up and get dressed then he is carried downstairs where the owner is waiting to say goodbye to them, she is quite enamoured with them all, which makes them all giggle.
Wonwoo is strapped into the back seat of the car, Jeonghan is driving and Soonyoung in the passenger seat next to him. He quickly falls back to sleep, at some point waking up to the other two chatting, mainly Soonyoung telling Jeonghan about how Wonwoo has been so supportive of him and Jihoon, it makes Wonwoo smile as Jeoghan excitedly responds to Soonyoungs story and tells him about his own budding relationship with their leader. Too soon for Wonwoo, he wasn’t ready to face the others yet, they pull into the carpark of their building, and before the engine is cut off Seungcheol is rushing out of the door. The back door is wrenched open, Seungcheol wraps himself around Wonwoo the second he undoes the seatbelt. “God, I’m so glad you’re back. How are you feeling? Is he okay, Hannie? Do we need a doctor?”
“I’m fine, Hyung. But I would like to get out of the car.”
“He’s very sick, Cheol. He will need help getting inside and to bed.”
Jeonghan and Wonwoo both say at the same time, earning a sigh from the leader. Then Wonwoo is pulled out the car and deposited onto Seungcheol’s back, Wonwoo smiles when he feels how muscular the eldest member has become lately, he knows Jeonghan has a thing for their leader's body. He hugs him tightly while they ride up in the lift but then he recalls why he left and he’s suddenly not so keen to return. He knows he has caused a lot of problems lately and he just doesn’t want to deal with it all right now, a whine slips out as he thinks about it all.
“Don’t overthink things, Wonu. You’re going straight to bed, meds and food then sleep. Everything else can easily wait until you are ready.” Seungcheol says as he starts to punch in the door code. The door opens before he can enter the third number, Seungkwan standing there with a worried expression, “I’ve put fresh bedding on his bed, and he has everything he needs in there, I will warm up the soup now, hyung. How is he doing?”
Wonwoo doesn’t hear what Jeonghan replies as Seungcheol rushes to his room, Soonyoung right behind them. The dancer grabs clean bed clothes for him, and helps him into them once Seungcheol leaves to ring the manager to let them know he is home and safe, but still sick. “Soonie, will you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone anymore.” He knows he’s going to sleep again but he needs to know someone is there for him when he wakes up this time for some reason. No, not just for some reason, it's because this is now solely his room and he doesn't want to have to think about how Mingyu has left him all alone right now.
“Of course, I’m not going anywhere, sweetie.” Soonyoung says as he climbs next to him in the bed, Wonwoo quickly wraps himself around the other's body, a sigh leaving him as he feels arms holding him tightly. A while later, Seungkwan knocks on the door, while yelling down the hallway at someone. Wonwoo slowly wakes up, he watches as he comes inside, crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed, placing the tray on the bedside table for easy access. “Hyung, I’m so glad you’re back. Don’t ever do that again, please. I think you need to speak with Seokminnie, he has his reasons for acting like he did, silly as they are. You know he’s an idiot at the best of times.” Wonwoo nods, mainly because he doesn't want to hear any more and is relieved when Seungkwan accepts his response, he gets a soft kiss to his forehead before the younger leaves and it makes him smile softly.
He moves to snuggle back down into the bed intending to go back to sleep but Soonyoung seems to have other plans. “Wonu, you know there's going to be a meeting about this with everyone don't you? They're all hanging around.” He knows but feels annoyed that his friend brought it up. “Do you want me to try to get them to push it back a bit longer? At least until you feel completely better?”
He thinks about it and shakes his head, if he's going to have to deal with all this, he wants to do it with a fuzzy head. If he reacts badly he can blame the sickness for that too. “No, we should do it as soon as possible, Soonie. While it's fresh and no one has time to overthink too much.”
***********
So a couple of hours later, fresh from yet another nap, Wonwoo makes his way to the living room on weak legs, with Jeonghan and Jun holding him up. He doesn't look at anyone else as they all settle around the room. Seungcheol starts the meeting, explaining why they are having one at such short notice, as if they didn't already know. He risks looking up at the others, quickly wishing he hadn't because he sees Mingyu texting away on his phone in the corner of the room, Seokmin is curled up next to Joshua, his head resting on the older man's shoulder, a sad expression on both of their faces. Both sights hurt for different reasons.
“When you're done, we can start.” Seungcheol aims at Mingyu, who huff's and puts his phone on his lap before signalling that he continues.
“Okay, so I think that there are apologies to be made between people, and then we can talk about the incident that caused Wonwoo to leave.”
Wonwoo is about to apologise when Seokmin sits up straight, “Wonu, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean what I said about you.”
Now any other day Wonwoo would have accepted the apology but he needed to clarify something. “Then why did you say it?.... Can I just ask you all? Is that really what you think of me?...I'm not trying to cause an argument but I need to know.” He quickly adds when the others try to talk all at once. Seokmin looks like he's been slapped, Wonwoo notices how Joshua wraps an arm around his shoulder to calm him down, but Mingyu snorts out loud causing everyone to look at him. “I don’t think this is gonna work, Hyung,” he says to their leader as he stands up, obviously wanting to leave but Seungcheol and Jeonghan both block his way.
“Sit the fuck back down, Mingyu.” Jeonghan snaps at him, Wonwoo finds it comical how he does as he's told so easily in that moment. Then Jeonghan glares at the whole group. “Let's just cut to the chase here. If Wonwoo had gone to a large hotel instead of the one he ended up in, he could have died. And all because of some people here being self centred and arrogant… No, don't look at me like that, Minnie, you fucked up and so did you Mingyu. In fact, I did too. If I had only stopped you when you first brought someone back none of this would have happened.”
Wonwoo counts to two before Mingyu is once again standing up. “Why am I always in the wrong?..... I don't see why I can't have some fun, I did nothing wrong.”
And that's when Wonwoo snaps, “Oh so if I had started to bring guys back when I’d first started hooking up and had sex while you were awake in the same room.. you'd have been more than okay with that?.... If I'd known that, I could have saved a fortune in fucking hotel bills. But then, unlike you I have enough decency to not get up to shit like that in front of others, exhibitionism is definitely not one of my kinks… I'm sorry Hyungs, but I don't think this is going to go as you hoped, I'm not feeling great again so can we do it another time?” Jihoon and Soonyoung follow behind him as he leaves the room to make sure he makes it back to his bed, leaving the rest to stare after them.
He falls against the wall, hand clutched to his chest as he struggles to breath. Sooungyoung wraps his arm around him and helps him the rest of the way to his room. Jihoon watches the pair as Soonyoung moves a sobbing Wonwoo onto the bed. “I’m gonna go grab some fresh water.” he says before he leaves the room again, closing the door.
Wonwoo wipes at his eyes, determined to stop the tears. He sniffs loudly, “Youngie, I’m sorry for that out there. I just hate that he doesn’t ever seem to care about me any more. We were so close but now he’s like a complete stranger.” Soonyoung just hugs him tighter, shushing him as he tries to stop the tears. A door suddenly slams and they can hear Jeonghan talking in the hallway, they stay quiet as they listen.
“Look, I get that you think this is all stupid, Gyu. But it's not, it's very serious… When he disappeared he left his ring behind. Do you understand what that means? He probably wasn't going to come back. He was going to walk away from everything. All of this happened because you wanted to get your dick wet.”
They hear Mingyu sigh, “That's not it at all, Hyung. I just needed to try. I swear I thought he was sleeping. That's why I always came back so late. God if I'd know he was awake I wouldn't have, I swear. You know how I feel about him, but I had to try and move on. I couldn’t keep waiting for someone I didn’t have a chance with.” This causes the two sitting on the bed to look at each other with wide eyes.
“I know, baby. Still, if you fetch a hook up back here, ever, I will make sure both of you regret it. I don't care who it is, do you hear me? Also stop being such an ass to him”
“It won't happen ever again, hyung. I don’t know why I react like that but I promise, I’m done with all that I swear. Maybe if I apologise enough and try really hard, he’ll forgive me eventually and then I might have a chance one day. I’m just so ashamed of everything I’ve done lately, Hyung.” Mingyu says quietly enough that both Wonwoo and Soonyoung both hold their breath to be able to hear.
“Gyu, sweetie, come here. You really are an idiot aren't you?” Jeonghan says as they hear a sniffle from the hallway. If he was strong enough Wonwoo knows he would have rushed out to the younger man then but all he could do was clamp a hand over his mouth to hide the whimper he makes, while Soonyoung silently rushes to the door and closes it quietly. “Oh sweetheart, don't cry. You can sort all this out when you're better. He's not going anywhere okay? You need to concentrate on yourself first.”
Wonwoo is still crying when Jihoon returns a few minutes later, he knows the couple are having a silent conversation about him and probably Mingyu but he doesn't have the energy to care. When Jihoon climbs onto his bed next to him and wraps his arms around Wonwoo, he sags against the smaller man, his eyes getting heavier as he falls asleep with tears still wet on his cheeks. He doesn't hear the knock on the door a short while later, when Jeonghan and a red eyed Mingyu step inside to check on him.
The next morning Wonwoo wakes up in an empty bedroom. He's a bit disappointed but quickly forgets that feeling as he starts to cough while he tries to sit up, his mind fuzzy from the meds he has taken and the amount of sleep he's had recently. He swings his legs off the bed intending to go search for someone when the door opens and Mingyu rushes in to stop him. “I'm sorry, Hyung. I know you probably don't want me here, but they worked a rota for caring for you and this is my shift. Please don't try to walk by yourself yet, hmm?” he doesn't even look at him while he talks and it hurts Wonwoo, he wonders if he had imagined the conversation between Jeonghan and Mingyu. He doesn't say anything but then he sees a tear fall from the other to the floor and he grabs the younger's hand, pulling him down onto the bed next to him.
“Mingyu, Gyu, please don't cry.”
A sob wracks Mingyu's body while Wonwoo rubs his back in comfort, all recent trouble forgotten for now. “Hey, listen to me, Gyu. Let's just try to forget all about our falling out, yeah? I am sorry for being such a brat.. I intended to blame it all on being sick but in truth, I just really hated that you were with those people…. It hurt that you just left me, I thought you didn't like me anymore.”
He smiles softly when Mingyu wraps his arms around his weak body, holding him tight. “I couldn't ever not like you, hyung. I did it to get a reaction from you, I think. What a stupid idea. But you never reacted until that night and I was suddenly so embarrassed, mortified that I had been getting drunk and doing that with you there in the room, you of all people. You have no idea how drunk I had to get every single time, they were never who I really wanted. I'm so sorry for everything, Wonu Hyung.” Wonwoo lets out a small laugh, “We're a pair of idiots aren't we? Cuddle with me? I'm tired but I don't want to actually sleep anymore.”
They wiggle about on the bed until they are laying the right way, Mingyu drags the cover over them both and within five minutes they are both asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Jun takes multiple pictures before he wakes them up when he turns up for his shift a couple of hours later. Wonwoo blushes a deep red when Mingyu places a kiss on his cheek before leaving Jun to care for him.
“So you actually spoke with him? Did he apologise? Did you sort things out?”
Wonwoo hums, “Junnie, I need to pee.”
He giggles as his friend curses him before he helps him to the bathroom. “Couldn’t get the fucking muscle monster to take you, could you? No, had to wait for me.. Don’t expect me to do more than hold you up, I love you but not enough to aim for you okay?”
They end up on the large sofa in the living room after Wonwoo begs not to be left in his room alone again. He wants to see everyone when they come back for dinner later. They spend their time together talking about, as Jun calls it, how absolutely idiotic Wonwoo has been lately. He hates that Jun is right, when he thinks back on his own behaviour, especially when his friend wipes a tear from his face when he tells him how seriously ill he was when the hotel lady found him. He promises to never be so stupid again, to which Jun rolls his eyes, “You were sick, your mind wasn’t normal. I know you wouldn’t do it normally. But I think it was also because of how you feel about Mingyu, wasn't it?”
Wonwoo sighs, does everyone fucking know? “Yes they do, we’ve all known for a while, well except him. But it seems you have figured it out now. So maybe you should do something about it all, hmm?”
“I want to get better first, Junnie. If I’m going to get a chance to kiss him, I don’t want to make him sick do I?”
It’s getting dark out when the others eventually return, bags of takeaway hanging from Seokmins hands, he walks quietly towards them. Wonwoo knows everyone is watching, so when he sees the other starts to kneel, he jumps up to stop him, but his legs betray him and he ends up falling on him and they drop to the floor, Wonwoo landing on top. Hands grab him and he’s lifted up and put back on the sofa, he watches as Joshua rushes to Seokmin, his hands running over him and he realises there is another couple hidden in the group, though they don’t seem to be trying to hide it right now. “Minnie? Please don’t apologise anymore. It’s all in the past, we all fuck up now and then. It's forgotten, okay?”
“Oh, okay. But still, I bought dinner for everyone, because I caused the biggest part of the issue.” Seokmin stares at the floor instead of at anyone until Joshua grips his chin and lifts his face until they are staring at each other. “Baby, what did I tell you? Wonu understands, he forgives you so please forgive yourself eh? Neither of you knew.”
Wonwoo smiles brightly at them both, leaning back to get comfy on the sofa only to realise he's still being held. He turns his head and is surprised to find Mingyu is the one wrapped around his back. “I missed cuddling with you, Hyung. How are you feeling?”
With a blush spreading over his face, Wonwoo shrugs, “thought I felt better but apparently only my mind is getting better, body is still a weak ass piece of shit.” It makes everyone laugh as they move about to sort out the food on the coffee table, some grabbing drinks, plates and utensils, others dishing up side dishes. It's the first meal he's eaten with the whole group in a while. As he scans the room he feels happier than he has felt in days.
After they have eaten, Joshua, Chan and Jihoon end up on cleaning duty, while the rest lounge around the living room. Mingyu has not moved from next to Wonwoo the whole time and Wonwoo finds himself leaning into him as he starts to feel sleepy again.
“Hyungs, can we tell you something?” He hears Seungkwan say and he's wide awake again, he knows what they're going to say. He meets Vernon's gaze and pats the empty side of the sofa, they both cross to sit next to him and Mingyu.
The others are all watching the younger pair, which makes them nervous but when Seungkwan looks at Wonwoo, he nods in encouragement.
“So, in light of everything that's happened lately… Vernon and I are dating. We have been together for over a year now. We waited to tell everyone because we wanted to tell Vernons family together, and this was the first chance we had. Wonwoo has helped us through some tough patches, when it was hard to keep it secret and when we were worried about reactions. We told my family six months ago and my dad wasn't the best reaction at the time but after a while he said he kind of knew but it was still a surprise in a way. Anyway, we wanted to let you all know, no more secrets.”
“God I hope there will be some secrets, I really don't need to know everything about your relationship.” Jihoon quips, having come back into the room with the others as he spoke. “But yeah, same here. Me and Soonie are together too, kinda same thing too. I wanted to tell my folks first, everything went well. Wonu knew, he covered for us while we went out on dates, or had dates in the studio. I doubt I would have had the guts to say yes to Soonie if not for some long talks with Wonu.” Jeonghan huffs then, “how come you all go to Wonu? Am I not the mum and counsellor of the group?”
Seungcheol laughs, pulling him into a hug, “I think you were too busy going through it all yourself, babe.” Before leaning in to kiss the blushing man.
Later that night when Wonwoo is climbing into bed, he has a smile on his face which seems to annoy Jeonghan who is helping him. “Stop grinning like a weirdo. It's time to sleep now, so take your meds eh?”
Just as he swallows the tablets the door opens, Mingyu slips inside with a pillow in his hands. “Hyung, can I sleep with you?”
Jeonghan lets out an ‘ayyy’ making him add on “To sleep hyung, I just miss Wonu is all, I know nothing else. He is sick, you know.” Jeonghan smirks as he leaves the room, turning the light off as he goes. Wonwoo shuffles over in the bed to make room for Mingyu, who climbs in and pulls him close. “Just so you know, Hyung, I want to do both kinds of ‘sleep’ with you. I’m trying to do that the right way with you though, so when you are cleared and healthy again, will you go on a date with me?”
Wonwoo leans his head on Mingyu’s chest to hide his red face, “Your heart is beating so fast, Gyu…I’d love that. I’ve been hoping you would ask for so long, you know?” he mumbles the last part as he once again falls asleep, leaving behind a shocked and happy Mingyu.