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“Fuck! Can't understand what purpose sex being tiring would serve,” Chuuya sighed, falling back on his pillow, hands rubbing lazy circles on his girlfriend’s waist. She giggled, batting the wandering hands away before climbing off him and flopping beside him like a dead fish. Very sexy, he thought sarcastically.
“I am not tired,” he snorted as she peaked at him, a lascivious grin plastered on her sweaty face.
“Osamu, are you some sort of sex fiend? Because otherwise your perpetual horniness doesn't make sense,”
“I am a woman of culture who doesn't lie when she finds something she enjoys,” is her sage reply and Chuuya snorted tiredly. Fuck! Why must something so enjoyable sap so much energy, dammit?
She flopped down, head hitting his chest making them both wince. Stubborn thing that she was, she recovered in a few seconds and began tracing something on his abused flesh. Chuuya couldn't see it but he knew there was only one thing she’d draw on him, with or without a Sharpie.
He swatted her hands away, ignoring the dramatic whine that emerged from her. She sat up and scowled at him.
“I was tattooing you on your skin why must you ruin my artistic efforts?” the fish pouted and he raised an eyebrow. She crossed her arms, offended before a wicked smile made its way on her kiss-bruised lips.
“Chuuyaaaaa why won't you let me draw YOU on your skin? Are you that ashamed of what you are?”
“Stop calling me a dog shitty Dazai,” she pouted even harder, lip jutting out. Chuuya cursed his resolve. He would not fall for her innocent act. She wasn't cute for fucks sake and she was tracing dog caricatures on him dammit!
“You don't want people to stop calling you Chuuya because you are Chuuya why do you want me to stop calling you dog when you clearly are one?” She appeared very curious and if it wasn't their regular argument, he would've been convinced.
“I was told people get sappy after sex, and they tell their partner they love them and kiss them a lot and feel sleepy but clearly that doesn't apply to you,” was his response and Dazai wailed as if she was in agony. Dramatic bastard.
“Chuuya’s so mean! He wants to stereotype me! Bad Chuuya bad!” He swatted her hands away with a glare, one that had no heat behind it.
“I am gonna sleep because three rounds of sex with almost no breaks can tire any normal person out,” he declared, turning to face the wall door instead of her. It wouldn't do to have his resolve crumble in the face of her drowned cat look.
“Chuuyaaaaa!” She poked his back in an annoying rhythm… not that unrhythmic poking would be any better. “Wake up! Wakey wakey! No time to sleep!”
He sighed and opened one eye to glare at her in his periphery. She made it easier by leaning over him, hair falling over them both in a cascade. “What?” He made sure to sound annoyed or the bastard would never let him live down how much of a simp he was.
“Have you never heard of pillow talk you stupid dog? Don't tell me you're sleepy now that you got your dick wet a few times,” she almost sounded offended at the idea that sex would make him sleepy. Fucking weirdo. Not everyone was an insomniac by choice like her.
Nevertheless, he sighed and pulled her back to rest on his chest, arms looping around her to keep her in place. “You're insufferable, you know that?”
“That doesn't sound romantic to me,” she huffed.
He rolled his eyes at her demand. “I'll gut you like the fish you are, stupid mackerel!”
“Oh Chuuya! You sure know how to woo a woman! Ah I am sufficiently seduced!” she swooned.
“Such an easily pleased soul,” he teased, leaning over her to kiss down her cleavage before moving up and sucking a bruise onto her collarbone. She ran her fingers through his hair, clearly pleased with the attention.
“Stop drooling on my tits, dog. I know you like them,” the hands fisted in his hair said the opposite. He bit the side of her neck as revenge.
“Hot damn!” the mummy simpered.
“What's hot? Me wanting to rip your throat out with my teeth?” he already knew she was fucking weird but he discovered how further that weirdness went each day.
“I thought we were roleplaying a mating bite you idiot,” she rolled her eyes, as if he should've known already.
“Enough internet for you,”
“Chuuya’s not my father… unless he wants to be called daddy, ” she beamed as if she had discovered something rare and wasn't being an asshole.
“Ew nooo!”
A beat of comfortable silence passed between them before she opened her mouth to continue the onslaught of nonsense. “I am hungry, feed me.” Chuuya flushed at that, mind going straight down the gutter. “You dirty horny beast I meant food!”
“Fine! Only because you rarely eat without being forced to.” He made to get out and promptly failed as he was pulled back into a pair of twiggy arms.
“I changed my mind. Stay in bed with me, my personal heater,” she snuggled against him, eyes closed in a move that told him she was contemplating whether she should eat or sleep.
“Dazai,” he warned but she moved over him in a move reminiscent of a starfish. He sputtered which caused her hair to find their home in his mouth. Chuuya spat out a strand of dark hair, hating how he loved those silky strands enough to not chop them off every time he was assaulted with them.
“Comfy mhm.” She approved and he grumbled but kissed her forehead anyway, arms moving to hold her tighter against him.
“Hey,” he called out, unable to sleep peacefully without spitting out those words.
“Hm?”
“I love you.” She hid her face in his chest and pretended to snore. Chuuya laughed, his own cheeks just as red as hers undoubtedly were.
“Chuuya’s not that bad either I guess,” she mumbled.
“Coming from you, I’ll take it to be the love confession of the century.”
She raised her face from his chest and planted a kiss on his nose. It made him swoon internally, all thoughts turning into sappy mush as she gave him a sleepy smile.
“Wake me up in two hours-”
“What am I? Your alarm clock?”
“-And feed me crab,”
“And now you're acting like I am your maid.”
“Feel honoured I am allowing you to see me in such a vulnerable state!” She whined, utterly pathetically.
“Honoured? I much rather feel dishonoured if these are the side effects of mmf-” his words are cut off with a kiss.
“Chuuya barks more than he should but that's all he is. All bark no bite,” she mumbled against his lips before she bit and he couldnt stop himself from moaning.
“Fuck Dazai! I am convinced you're a succubus because that amount of horniness can't be human at all!”
“Bold of you to assume I was horny,”
“Stop tickling my face with your fluff shitzai!”
“Fluff?? Did you just call my hair fluff? Are you forgetting who's the-”
“If you call me dog one more time I am never going to cook for you again.” That shuts her up.
She hid her obvious pout in his neck and Chuuya sighed in relief before finally falling asleep.