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All things considered, JD’s day had started off pretty well. He hadn’t been able to stay at Perry’s since Jordan came to visit; instead, he occupied his old room at Carla and Turk’s apartment. Usually, Jordan stayed at the place she had gotten after she and Perry split up, but she was in want/need of more help with little Jack Cox–which JD couldn’t find himself to be upset about. He was glad Perry got to spend more time with his son, too. It had now been a few weeks, however, and JD (and Perry, too, he was sure) was feeling the cons of the situation. They had very little time to spend together outside of the hospital, they slept miles apart, and there was little to no sexual contact. JD thought he wouldn’t be able to stand much more. So, when his day started, he was surprised that he was feeling pretty good.
He walked into Sacred Heart with a jovial stride. When he saw Turk, he knew this was a great time to try out one of the new nicknames he had thought of.
“Good morning, Black Whale,” JD greeted as he walked past him.
“No,” was Turk’s response.
They can’t all be winners, JD thought.
Not even the janitor’s taunting was really affecting him today. JD responded to the “Hey, idiot,” if only due to habit. It was not the most original thing to come out of the janitor’s mouth.
“You know what?” JD said, moving towards him. “I think you’re out of ways to bother me.”
“No. You’re wrong,” the janitor insisted.
“Think of a way to annoy me right now.” He confidently put his hands on his hips.
“You’re Mean Doctor’s gay boy!” the janitor blurted out.
JD just stared for a long moment. “What the hell does that even mean?”
The janitor stared back, silent.
“Anything else?”
The janitor just opened and closed his mouth.
“That’s what I thought,” JD said valiantly, and he walked around him to head to the nurses’ station.
He got there right as Elliot approached Sean, her marine biologist boyfriend. While at one point, he might’ve been jealous of Sean, he was now simply jealous of the both of them. He and Perry had been together for several months, but only a select few knew about it. Turk, Carla, Elliot, and, begrudgingly, the janitor. In one of his attempts to sabotage JD’s day, he was stalking him and managed to catch him and Perry in a rather compromising position–aka making out like their lives depended on it in an empty hospital room. JD was sure the only reason it hadn’t spread around the hospital was the janitor’s fear of Perry’s wrath. Regardless, the point was that they couldn’t engage in such public displays of affection as Elliot and Sean did, which, at that moment, consisted of them being all over each other by the nurses’ station.
JD totally didn’t mind.
“JD, Sean’s going to let me swim with the dolphins this weekend,” Elliot said, excitement dripping from her words.
“Really? That’s great. I hope they don’t maul you.”
Okay, maybe JD’s jealousy was a little heavier than suspected. And he had spent too much time around Perry.
As Sean calmed Elliot, JD only slightly withered at the look Sean sent him. When asked by Elliot, Sean proceeded to lie about the scar on his leg, which Carla, spontaneously appearing out of nowhere, pointed out once Elliot had walked away.
“Lying already?” she asked condescendingly. “I love that.”
“It wasn’t even a dolphin that bit me,” Sean defended.
“What was it?”
“Black whale–”
“You rang?” Turk interrupted, appearing just as spontaneously as his fiancee.
“Yes!” JD exclaimed, going for a fist bump. “I knew you’d end up liking it!”
As Sean turned to walk away, Carla turned to JD.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice what you did there, mister.” She gave him a stern look.
“What do you mean?” JD responded, slightly apprehensive.
Carla sighed sympathetically. “I know you and Cox haven’t spent much time together recently, and you wish you guys could be more open here, but don’t you go messing with Elliot and Sean, Bambi,” she said quietly.
JD thought about going on the defensive but immediately thought better of it when Carla gave him another stern look. “I know, I know. You’re right. I’m just kind of starting to really feel the lack of time together. It wasn’t so bad at first, but…” JD trailed off with a shrug.
“You know you can invite him over to the apartment, right?” Turk interjected.
At one point in time, Turk never would have said that. JD was glad to see the evidence that he and Perry had finally struck a friendly rapport.
“I would, but Jordan has him staying busy at his place.” JD threw his hands up. “I don’t know what I can do.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” Carla asked.
JD shook his head.
“Maybe you should.”
As JD started to respond, Perry came out of one of the hospital rooms. JD’s heart swelled as he moved to cross the hall, which meant he had to walk by JD, Turk, and Carla at the nurses’ station. As Perry approached them, he discreetly put his hand on the small of JD’s back. JD couldn’t help but give him a small smile.
“Now, I don’t have the time to chit-chat because I am, unlike you guys, doing my job, but I digress,” Perry said. Then he turned to JD specifically, saying, with an apologetic tone, “Newbie, I’m afraid I can’t join you for lunch today. Jordan’s coming to the hospital.”
JD tried valiantly to hide his disappointment, willing his smile to remain. The joyous mood that he had woken with was starting to dwindle. “That’s okay.”
Perry let his hand drift up and down JD’s back, nodding. He hesitated for a moment before he grabbed a chart and went off to another room.
Carla gave JD a sympathetic look. She was not fooled by his efforts to remain stoic. “Talk to him, okay?”
Turk laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.
JD, after watching Perry’s retreating back wistfully, nodded.
--------
JD spent lunch with Carla, Elliot, and Turk. This was pretty normal, except he definitely felt the loss of Perry. Once they had gotten together, and after they had told their three friends (they lasted about a month before they couldn’t hide it from them anymore), Perry regularly made the effort to sit with them in the cafeteria. It had been one of the few saving graces of this period where they weren’t seeing each other outside of a hospital room very often.
By this point in their collective lunch break, they had already covered the ground of Elliot having made a patient orgasm during her pelvic exam. This, of course, brought up how Elliot couldn’t make herself say any clinical words for people’s junk. Was it a little funny? Yes. Did JD feel bad about having laughed a little? Also yes.
“Alright, guys, I get it,” Elliot said, poking miserably at her food.
Carla’s chuckle subsided. “Elliot, it’s alright. Maybe I can help?”
The rest of their conversation missed JD’s ears as his gaze wandered to a table across the cafeteria. Perry and Jordan were sitting next to each other. Jack must have been at daycare.
“JD?”
JD turned back to his friends.
“It’ll be alright,” Carla continued. “She’s heading out after lunch. Try and catch him then.”
JD wished they could just tell Jordan, but he knew Perry was apprehensive. JD couldn’t say he wasn’t either, but he’d prefer not having to sneak around more than they already had to. He didn’t like feeling like he and Perry being together was a dirty secret.
“Yeah,” JD replied.
With that, JD and the others put their trays up and headed out of the cafeteria. Being in there didn’t help JD’s mood like it usually did. They all followed Carla to the reception area, where they joked around until Lloyd came in with something for Carla to sign. JD swore you could hear a pen drop the second Lloyd made a crack at Carla’s handwriting. As much as they all joked with and about each other, Carla was particularly off-limits to make fun of. Turk, Elliot, and JD settled in with their metaphorical popcorn to watch the scene unfold.
“Listen,” Carla began. “I run back and forth for 18 hours a day between patients who might die and who will die, and if I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast, so you will forgive me if I don’t feel like being judged by some guy in his 30s who still wears shorts to work.”
Yikes, JD thought.
“Now, go ahead and say the only three words I want to hear coming out of your mouth.”
“Sign here, please,” Lloyd stuttered, voice strained.
“Yeah, baby!” Turk said, walking over to Carla.
After Carla signed the paper, she gave a coy smile.
Turk smirked and gave her a kiss. “My fiancee, everyone.”
JD laughed, enjoying the scene until he saw Perry and Jordan turn the corner into reception. They both stopped by the reception desk for a moment. JD slowly slid closer.
“Thanks again for holding the door for me back there,” Jordan said sarcastically.
“In my defense,” Perry said, “I didn’t know you were behind me because I didn’t hear anybody telling me what a horrible person I am.”
JD grimaced. He decided he should butt in.
“Hey!” JD exclaimed.
Perry shot him a disapproving look. JD elected to ignore it.
“How are the new, happy parents?” JD continued. He moved next to stand next to Perry. With Jordan there, he couldn’t offer any comfort other than being at his side.
Jordan gave him a condescending smile. “Oh, you know, living my dream!” She turned back to Perry. “Have a great rest of your day! Hurry home tonight so you can ignore your son and not do your share.” And then she turned to leave.
Perry groaned. “You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me,” he said, fauxjoyfully.
JD’s eyebrows went up. “Hey–”
“Oh, not you, Dixie.” Perry turned around, rolling his eyes. “Come on.”
JD hastened to follow, sputtering for a moment. “So, uh… You and Jordan–want to talk about it?”
Surely that would work as an entrance to the subject. JD really did want to talk to him like Carla suggested. Was he a little worried about bringing up the likely several issues between him and his ex-wife? Yes. But he really missed Perry, even when he technically saw him every day. Being alone with him was different than working with him at the hospital.
“I do, but not here,” Perry replied. After a second, he continued, “Because I’ll probably just cry–” He made his voice crack. “Oh, God, it’s too late.”
When Perry continued with fake sobbing noises, JD sighed, shoulders slumping. “Perry, come on, I’m being serious.”
He stared at JD for a moment. At one point in time, he would’ve just called JD an idiot and continued walking. This time he simply nodded.
“I know.” He gestured down the hall. “Later. We’ve got a patient to talk to, alright?”
JD acquiesced for the time being.
Their patient turned out to be an older married gentleman a few doors down. He seemed somewhat joyful. His wife stood next to him. She looked rather stoic.
“Hey, fellas! So what’s the good word?” the patient asked.
Perry and JD walked up to the bed.
“Mr. Randolph, your PSA number’s gone up quite a bit since your last blood test,” Perry told him. “Now, this could be from the prostatitis. We won’t know for sure until your biopsy results return later this afternoon, but I… I feel pretty certain that we’re going to find something.”
When his wife bowed her head, Mr. Randolph turned to her and said, “Oh, for God’s sake, Catherine, stop making a scene.” He turned away from her, and she looked back up.
JD’s eyebrows shot up. What?
“I’m sorry, doctors, but she gets a little emotional.”
Perry seemed to be speechless for a moment.
JD realized this was going to be one hell of an experience.
--------
After visiting a few of his other patients, JD was paged by Perry to come back to Mr. Randolph’s room. The biopsy results were back. Looks like prostate cancer was a definite, much to his and Perry’s chagrin.
As Perry explained this to Mr. Randolph, JD knew his time to shine was coming up. While Perry struggled with being more friendly and open with patients, JD found it hard not to. So he knew he would step in soon.
“Rats,” was Mr. Randolph’s reply. At Mrs. Randolph’s surprised expression, he added, “Excuse my language, dear.” He told her to go outside the room, expecting the conversation to be “riddled with that kind of talk.”
JD shared a look with Perry.
JD cleared his throat. “You know, sir, I know that it’s cancer, but I’m not all that worried.”
This did not seem to be the best thing to say.
“Excuse me, am I confusing cancer with some other disease?” Mr. Randolph exclaimed.
As JD opened his mouth to clarify, Perry beat him to the punch.
“No,” Perry said. He elbowed JD in the ribs. Ignoring JD’s yelp, he continued, “What Captain Bedside here is trying to say is that it hasn’t spread to the lymph nodes yet. It’s still easily operable for the time being.”
“Yes,” JD said, sending a small glare to the back of Perry’s head. “And I managed to squeeze you into an opening in surgery tonight.” He sat on the edge of the bed, Perry shifting to stand behind him. It was JD’s time to shine. “Look, I know this is happening awfully fast. There must be a lot of emotions swirling around.”
Perry crossed his arms in his peripheral.
“If you have any questions, I’m here.”
There was an elongated moment of silence before Mr. Randolph asked, “Do you know what channel that queer guy show is on?”
Perry, who was used to being made to watch said “queer guy show,” snorted, hands going to JD’s shoulders. “Oh, doesn’t he?”
JD stuttered for a moment.
“Oh, just tell the man,” Perry said with a shit-eating grin.
“Bravo, Tuesday at 10:00, 9:00 Central, 8:00 Mountain,” JD shot out from memory.
Perry laughed all the way out of the hospital room. JD couldn’t say he was all that embarrassed since he hadn’t seen or heard him laugh like that in a while. This raised the mood, so both men were in higher spirits when walking down the hall. They weren’t going anywhere in particular. They just took advantage of getting to be doing something together.
“Sorry I couldn’t join you for lunch,” Perry said. “I didn’t know Jordan was coming until she texted me last minute.”
“It’s alright.” JD waved a hand nonchalantly.
Perry went to say something else, looking slightly bothered, but then his pager went off. His overall vibe went from calm to distressed in a matter of seconds. “Oh, look. A message from Jordan.” He threw the pager in a random direction.
“Yeah, how’s that going?” JD asked hesitantly.
“Just great.”
He knew he wasn’t going to get an actual answer. JD searched his mind for something to do or say. He hated seeing Perry so distressed, and he still wanted to talk to him about how much this gap of time between them had been affecting him.
“Perry, we’ve known each other for over two years, and we’ve been together for months now. Let me in, okay?” JD felt a little desperate.
“JD–”
JD frantically waved his hands between them. “Help me help you, help me help you, help me help you–”
“Alright, fine. Stop.”
They stopped in a less crowded part of the hallway, and Perry whirled in front of him.
JD smiled encouragingly, but as Perry assumed position, he quickly came to realize that a Certified Perry Cox Rant was in the works. He settled in for the ride.
“So I’m going to tell you a little story, okay? It now starts alone every day at 5:00 in the morning–just about the time that you set your hair for work–”
Aw, he knows and remembers when I do my hair, JD thought.
“--when I am awakened by a sound. Is it the usual one of you muddling about in the bathroom? No. In fact, it sounds nothing like that. It sounds more like a cat being gutted by a fishing knife. It is–drum roll–my son.”
JD listened as Perry went on a tangent about the sheer amount of baby defecation he has to deal with in the morning, to which JD scrunched his nose. He couldn’t help but chuckle at Perry’s mention of thinking of hiring a stable boy, though.
“Then I am off to the hospital where my cup runneth over with both quality colleagues, such as your doe-eyed self–aka the only one I’d ever actually seek out in this god awful place, so there’s one minuscule victory–”
JD felt his face heat up a little, pleased. He missed the next few lines of the rant but couldn’t really care less. He was just letting Perry get it out of his system at this point.
“And then I head back home–I repeat, alone– where I am greeted by the faint musk of baby vomit in a house that used to smell like–well, cinnamon apple. In fact, it smelled like the cinnamon apple air fresheners you keep sneaking in–”
JD went to butt in excitedly.
“Yes, I have noticed,” Perry continued before he could. “And all I want to do before I restart this glorious cycle is, you know, maybe lay on the couch and have a beer, watch some sports center, and if I’m not too sweaty from the day’s labors, have great sex with my moron of a boyfriend, but apparently that’s not in Jordan’s definition of ‘pulling your weight.’ So, there you are, superstar.” He took a deep breath. “Fix that.”
JD raced after him when he started walking away.
“Perry, that’s easy!” JD took his chance. “Just tell her about it. Tell her everything you feel.”
“Should I give her every reason to accept that I’m for real?” Perry asked with a smile.
Knew I’d get him with the Billy Joel lyrics, JD thought.
“Hey, no one understands relationships like Billy Joel, okay?” JD sighed. “But I’m serious. Maybe we should tell her about us, huh? And you could also tell her about how you’re feeling in general.”
Perry kept walking ahead.
“Listen, I don’t want us to end up like the Randolphs.”
That halted him in his steps.
“We barely speak a word to each other some days. I’m worried that we’ll end up like that. Maybe if Jordan was aware of us, or even just of how you’re feeling, then we can curb that.” JD wrang his hands nervously.
Perry turned around. He gazed at JD momentarily before saying, “I’ll think about it.”
--------
The evening found JD and Turk sitting on the couch at Turk and Carla’s apartment. JD was winding down from his rough day and learning of Carla's proposal to Turk. She had told him that she thought it’d be sexy and even romantic if they didn’t have sex again until their wedding night. Turk was distraught.
“Dude, I’m dying here,” Turk said.
JD scoffed. “Turk, it’s been, like, 18 hours since you had sex.”
“I’m saying! This is torture.”
“Hey, now, I’ve been doing alright, and Perry and I haven’t had sex since Jordan came to stay. It’s been, what, three weeks?”
“JD, you gave a weepy monologue yesterday about missing his abs. You’re not ‘doing alright’ if you’re performing Shakespeare.”
“I’m going to elect to ignore that and go to bed.” He patted Turk’s leg. “I am tuckered out.”
As JD stood up, the door to the apartment flew open.
“Ooh, my little newbie-doobie-doo,” the figure walking in said.
It was Perry, dressed in jeans and one of his jerseys. He held a duffel bag in his hand. JD was so flabbergasted that he didn’t say a word. He had forgotten that they hadn’t fixed the door lock yet. He figured they should probably get that done at some point.
“I decided not to tell Jordan about us, but that whole telling Jordan about how I’m feeling thing?”
JD nodded.
“I did do that. And guess what? That went terrific, as you can see,” Perry continued sarcastically. “Thank you so much for that idea. She has effectively kicked me out of my own house, and so I need a place to crash.”
JD couldn’t exactly say he was mad about this turn of events. If he wasn’t mistaken, he could also see a slight glint of glee coming from Perry. There were pros and cons to this situation.
With a coy smile, Perry asked Turk, “Where’s Naomi’s bedroom?”
Turk, almost unaffected, pointed in the direction of JD’s room.
“Looks like we’re roomies.” Perry went in the direction that Turk pointed in, smiling devilishly. They could hear him putting down his duffel bag.
JD didn’t even have to say a word.
“See, now, that’s just cruel,” Turk said.
JD laughed, sitting back down.
“What’s cruel?” Perry asked, coming back to the living room. He told Turk to move over a little and then settled himself between them, throwing an arm behind JD on the couch.
Turk groaned. “Carla had the idea that we shouldn’t have sex until we get married because it’ll be all sexy and romantic. So she cut me off. Just like that.”
“Man, that’s tough.”
“And it seems like the universe is against me. First, the janitor messes with me, and now you two can go ham while I wither away here in the land of unwilling abstinence.”
JD perked up. “I told you that the janitor is an evil mastermind!”
While Perry chuckled, Turk simply glared at him.
“Thank you, JD, for your support,” Turk deadpanned.
“You’re so welcome, Chocolate Bear.” JD smiled innocently, batting his eyelashes.
Perry gave him a kiss on the temple for his efforts before turning back to Turk. “Where is Carla, by the way?”
“She had to stay a little longer. I’m stuck on the couch for a bit, anyway, so I figure I’ll wait for her,” Turk answered.
Perry nodded. After a moment, he said, “Well. I say it’s about time to take our leave of Gandhi. What do you say, Newbie?”
JD had never agreed to anything as fast as he did then in his life. He shot up from the couch, grabbing Perry’s hand and yanking him up. As he dragged him to his room, he called out to Turk, “See you in the morning!”
“You guys are cruel!” JD heard as Perry kicked his door shut behind them.
--------
Laying in the long-missed afterglow of mind-blowing sex, JD felt much better than he had earlier that day. It wasn’t necessarily because of the fact that it was sex (though that played a part, JD couldn’t lie), but also the intimacy required. It felt like it had been ages since JD had had substantial alone time with Perry. Taking advantage of that, they both remained tangled up, Perry with an arm around JD’s waist, JD’s head on Perry’s chest, and their legs entwined.
JD couldn’t help but wonder what exactly Perry had told Jordan that had him thrown out, however. So, as the soft laughter from their conversation died down, he asked him.
Perry sighed. “I may have said that spending the day with the baby isn’t really a job.” He paused for a moment. “And that this has all made her rather insufferable.”
“You used more colorful language, though, didn’t you?”
“Perhaps.”
“Well, it’s hard to see why that didn’t work,” JD said sarcastically.
Perry swatted at him lightly with the arm around his waist, remaining playful.
JD, however, couldn’t help the second train of thought that arose. He ruminated on the possible reasons Perry wouldn’t tell Jordan about them. Amidst the obvious ones, JD realized even more possibilities. He knew that he was likely just being insecure and shouldn’t ruin the moment they were finally getting, but it was hard for him to drop it. He went quiet as he drew imaginary shapes on Perry’s torso with his fingers.
After a minute or two, Perry sighed, grabbing JD’s hand and stilling it. “Alright, what’s up? I can hear you thinking. I believe I can even see the steam coming from your ears.”
JD moved to sit up against the headboard. Perry raised an eyebrow.
“Could you… tell me why you won’t tell Jordan?” JD managed. He began picking at the edge of the blanket, avoiding eye contact.
Perry moved to sit up, mirroring him. “Tell Jordan about what? Us?”
JD nodded, feeling incredibly anxious now that had actually asked Perry. He had never asked point-blank but rather assumed what the reasons must have been. He was a little afraid of what they were.
“I only ask because… well, you’ve never said. And I keep coming up with more and more possible reasons in my mind–it drives me a little crazy. We already have to be careful, but we have so little time together like this. I hate feeling like a dirty secret.”
Perry remained stock still for a brief, agonizing moment before he crossed his arms on his chest. “Well, excuse me, for not wanting my ex-wife to be a part of my current love life right now.”
JD cringed, feeling a little stung. “Come on, you know it’s about more than that.”
“Then what is it?”
JD simply stared for a good few seconds, articulating what he wanted to say. He bit his lip. “Well, I just… You’re not embarrassed by me at all, are you?”
Perry’s eyebrows came together. “What?”
“I figure you won’t tell Jordan for a few reasons. She’d probably torture the hell out of you more than she already does. She might visit more just to fuck with you. What if she outs us to the hospital? She’s not really evil, but sometimes you never know with her. And maybe I’d ruin your reputation, or people’s perception of you–I don’t know. The biggest thing, though…” JD cleared his throat and took a breath, realizing he’d been frantically rambling. “I’d probably garner an active role in Jack’s life. I’m worried you don’t want that. Maybe you’re embarrassed about being with me not just because of what Jordan may do or because I’m a lackluster choice of beau, but because you’d be embarrassed to have me be a role model in your son’s life.”
The silence was deafening. Then:
“Newbie, I knew you were embarrassing long before starting a relationship.”
JD’s face crumpled. “So I’m right?”
Perry’s eyes went wide. “What? No–”
But before he could explain, JD’s phone went off. It was Mr. Randolph. He decided against having the surgery. JD needed to go to the hospital. After he hung up the phone, he scrambled to get dressed, avoiding Perry’s gaze.
“JD, wait a second–”
“I got to go,” JD said.
And he left the room.
Turk was still awake, and so he looked blearily over the back of the couch. “JD? What’re you doing?”
JD almost ignored him on his way to the front door, but he paused with his hand on the handle. “Mr. Randolph changed his mind about surgery. I was just called.”
“Why isn’t Cox going with you?” Turk asked.
But JD was already gone, the door closing behind him.
--------
Turk was left incredibly confused, staring at the empty spot left behind by his best friend. He knew something had to be up. After a few minutes, Perry emerged from JD’s bedroom, looking distraught in a rumpled pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Gandhi, I think I, regrettably, need your advice,” he said.
Turk nodded, sitting up and making space for him to sit on the couch. As the other man sat down, he asked, “So, what happened?”
Perry groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He didn’t say anything, crossing his arms.
“Dude, if you want help here, you’re going to have to talk to me.”
That got him a rather muted glare, but Perry quickly acquiesced.
“Everything was fine until JD asked me why I kept deciding against telling Jordan. Apparently, it’s been driving him into a frenzy. He’s worried that I’m embarrassed by him and that I don’t want him to be a role model in Jack’s life.” He shook his head. “I may have responded in a way that was misconstrued.”
Turk raised an eyebrow. “What did you say?”
“That I knew he was embarrassing long before we started a relationship.”
Much to Perry’s dismay, Turk huffed a laugh. When Perry glared at him again, Turk raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
“Hey, come on,” Turk said. He put his hands down. “This is JD we’re talking about. You have to be very clear with him sometimes, or he’ll misunderstand. You had to have thought that he wouldn’t take that well with the thought process he was in.”
Perry sunk into the couch. “I didn’t think about negative connotations. I just wanted to let him know he didn’t have to worry about that. I wanted to make him feel better.” He groaned. “I’m still working on the feelings part of all this. I want to be… I want to be the kind of significant other he deserves.”
Turk took the chance to just observe the other man. Yeah, he had already come to terms with JD’s relationship with Perry, and he was supportive, but he wasn’t going to miss any chances to have further evidence that it was good for his best friend. Perry looked absolutely distressed, lost. Turk could tell that this was eating him up, and he didn’t know how to fix it. Carla may be the best avenue for advice most of the time, but Turk felt he was in a position to give Perry good advice himself since he knew JD so well.
“Alright,” Turk said. “So why haven’t you decided to tell Jordan?”
“I cannot believe that I am actually discussing this with you,” Perry mumbled.
“Believe it, brother.” Turk raised his eyebrows to prompt him to continue.
The ensuing silence was tense. Turk could see that Perry was ready to blow, however, and did a mental countdown.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two–
“Goddammit, I’m trying to protect him.” Perry threw his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t care what torture Jordan’ll put me through. I just want JD to be left alone. And I don’t care about my ‘reputation,’ as he so eloquently put it. I can maintain my scare factor!” He gave Turk a wide-eyed stare. “I can! And what’s more, I would give anything for JD to have a part in my son’s life. JD is good, what with his obnoxiously bleeding heart and yearning to do right by everyone. He would make a great role model. He’d definitely make up for my many, many shortcomings. If anything, he should be embarrassed by me. I’m an older, emotionally-stunted asshole with a loch ness monster of an ex-wife and a tendency to deflect with insults. I would shout from the rooftops that he chose me of all people if I wasn’t so afraid that it would fuck everything up. What if he realizes that he could do better? That he deserves better?” Perry chuckled self-deprecatingly, shaking his head. “I don’t want to lose him.”
When he turned to look at Turk, Turk’s eyes were wide, and he was turned to sit criss-cross on the couch, facing Perry.
“Is that what you wanted?” Perry murmured, sufficiently embarrassed to have gone on a rather personal rant. He turned his gaze down to his hands, which were clasped tightly together in his lap.
“Man, if I didn’t know it before, I know it now–you are so whipped,” Turk said with a smile.
Perry made an annoyed noise of acknowledgment. “Gandhi, can you help me or not?”
Turk sighed. “Maybe you should tell Jordan. JD seems to want you to. I know that this quasi-separation has really been hard on him. He misses you, man.”
Perry tried to hide it, but Turk managed to catch the small smile on the other man’s face.
“Maybe have a conversation about whether you guys want to go public.”
“How do you know we haven’t already had a conversation?”
Turk gave him a look.
“Oh, yes, sorry, I forgot that you two are intrinsically connected,” Perry said sarcastically.
“Talk to him about it. Carla told the same thing to JD, you know–that he should talk to you about it.” Turk shrugged. “Talking about things works for me and Carla, and we’re doing pretty good.”
“As much I hate to admit it, you’re right.”
They both released soft laughter.
“Alright,” Perry finalized. “I think… I’ll bite the bullet and tell Jordan. I believe I also owe an explanation to a certain doe-eyed goofball. I’ll make a plan.” He pushed himself up off the couch. Before he turned to go back to JD’s bedroom, however, he said, almost too softly for Turk to hear, “Thank you.”
“No problem, man.”
--------
JD rode his scooter to the hospital in a frenzy, trying to calm down before he got there. It wouldn’t do good for him to be so obviously frazzled when speaking with a patient, especially when an important conversation needed to be had. As he entered the parking lot, he began attempting to fully shove his conversation with Perry to the back of his mind and focus on the matter at hand, namely, Mr. Randolph’s choice not to have the planned surgery. He parked and then took some deep breaths. Then he ventured inside and to Mr. Randolph.
“What do you mean changed your mind about surgery?” JD asked as he entered the room and approached his patient’s bed.
Mr. Randolph explained that his wife had found information on alternative treatments for his problem that were surgery-free. Things like dieting and exercise. Things that would only give a little more time, make a momentary lapse. They weren’t fool-proof cures, and they certainly weren’t permanent. JD told as much to the couple. He felt a little silly having this conversation in a t-shirt and jeans, rather than his scrubs, but he surged forward nonetheless.
“Now, I know there’s trepidation when you talk about surgery in the area of the penis–”
“Whoa!” Mr. Randolph said sternly. “Quick pause on the gutter talk.” He glanced beside him. “Catherine. Hallway.”
JD sighed as Mrs. Randolph exited the room. “Look, I know–”
Mr. Randolph held up a hand, stopping him, before motioning for him to continue once he was sure that his wife wouldn’t hear.
JD took a breath and started over. “I know there are possible side effects, but the incompetence goes away with most patients and sexual dysfunction can be treated with anything from Viagra to a penis pump.”
“Penis pump? That sounds… awkward.”
JD quirked a brow mischievously. “It doesn’t have to be.” He quickly sped through any daydreams relating to this, instead plastering a serious look back onto his face. Now was sadly not the time.
“Okay, listen, this is the end of this discussion. I’m not having the surgery!”
He sounded borderline desperate, which JD couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason for. He knew there was likely nothing he could do at that moment, but he didn’t want to go home either. So, instead, he messaged Turk to bring in his backpack in the morning and then ventured into the on-call room to sleep.
--------
The next morning, a couple hours into his shift, JD received a message from Perry. He had the day off, so JD hadn’t seen him, and vice versa.
Hey, Newbie. I’m sorry about last night–I didn’t think through how my response could sound. Let me explain. Have lunch with me at the cafe down the street?
JD read the message a few times, debating. He knew he couldn’t avoid Perry forever, and, honestly, he didn’t want to avoid him forever. He replied:
Alright. Usual spot?
The response from Perry was immediate.
Yes.
A beat. And then:
I love you.
JD, despite still feeling a little insecure, couldn’t help the small smile that grew on his face. He typed back:
Love you too :]
And with that, JD went to find Turk. He felt a little bit of a skip in his step since it seemed like things weren’t quite as bad as they had seemed to be that night. Furthermore, Turk was going to help him try and convince Mr. Randolph to proceed with the original plan of getting the surgery. So, when he found him, leaning on the nurses’ station, he bounded up to him.
“Turk!”
Turk turned around. “Hey, man. You doing alright?”
JD gave him a smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry, I confused you last night. I just…”
Turk waved a hand. “It’s all good. Cox explained what happened. You guys good?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m going to have lunch with him. He messaged me.”
“Okay, good.”
Turk had a look in his eye that suggested he was aware of something that JD wasn’t, but JD ultimately decided to let that go for the moment. They had a patient to get to, and to hopefully convince. They jointly began to make their way to Mr. Randolph’s room.
“Thanks for helping me with this, by the way,” JD said.
Turk playfully punched his shoulder. “Of course.”
They approached the room and made their way to the bed. Mr. Randolph seemed surprised by their presence when JD woke him up.
“What’s he doing here?” He glanced at Turk. “You know I don’t like these people.”
JD and Turk were both taken aback.
Sensing a misunderstanding, Mr. Randolph clarified, “Surgeons.”
Both JD and Turk let out a sigh of relief. They laughed about it in hindsight. After a brief moment of wayward discussion, they maneuvered to their reason for being there.
“I brought Dr. Turk here to help you get over your fear of surgery,” JD told him. While he thought about the desperation he had heard that night, he came to assume that fear must have been a factor.
“I’m not scared,” Mr. Randolph stated plainly.
Oh, JD thought.
“Then what is it?” JD asked, only slightly frustrated.
Mr. Randolph seemed hesitant to respond for a moment. However, after he took a breath, he began, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Catherine and I don’t always communicate that well.”
Well, JD could sympathize with that.
Mr. Randolph sighed. “But when I lay that beautiful woman down onto our bed to make love…”
“Oh, God–”
“The walls come tumbling down,” Mr. Randolph continued wistfully, ignoring JD and Turk. “It’s the one place… that I can tell her how wonderful and beautiful she is, and how I would be lost without her.
JD listened, realizing that Mr. and Mrs. Randolph, while definitely a little more eccentric, were similar to himself and Perry, in a way, but not in the way that JD had worried about. While both JD and Perry struggled sometimes with voicing their feelings, Perry definitely seemed to have a harder time. JD had always been a more affectionate person, so it came a little easier for him. The quiet moments alone or moments when–like Mr. Randolph had mentioned concerning him and his wife–they were either within the throws of passion or basking in the glow of it were always times when Perry seemed to have an easier time expressing how deep his feelings for JD were. While they weren’t nearly as repressed overall as the Randolphs, it was still something that JD found relatable.
JD nodded in understanding and prompted Mr. Randolph to continue. He saw Turk glance at him in his peripheral.
“Now, I know I will…” Mr. Randolph sighed exasperatedly. “I know I will probably have to have this surgery eventually, but until then I am not going to risk losing the one thing that keeps me close to her.” His facial expression presented one thing: determination. “Not until I absolutely have to.”
Mrs. Randolph appeared in the doorway.
After a moment, Mr. Randolph said, “Yes, dear, you can come in.”
JD nodded resolutely and motioned to Turk that they should take their leave of the couple. As the two of them walked down the hallway, JD figured that, despite how he had felt in the days before, his and Perry’s relationship wasn’t actually a dirty secret. He resolved to say as much to Perry at lunch. He checked his watch. His lunch break was in about twenty minutes.
Turk put a hand on his shoulder, and they stopped at the side of the hallway. “You good?”
“Yeah,” JD said. He really was.
Carla came up to them and held up a chart. “Go ahead and leave for lunch, Bambi. I have your patients covered.”
“Thank you,” JD said, a smile growing ever wider on his face. But then he paused. “Wait, how did you know–”
“No time!” Turk interrupted, pushing JD toward reception so he could leave.
Once JD was officially outside and on his lunch break, he walked joyfully to his scooter. He knew the way to the cafe–he and Perry had had lunch there a few times. It was always very enjoyable, both in food and company. He couldn’t help but grow a little nervous as he got closer, however. He was worried that Perry might be a little cross with him. He wouldn’t blame him, what with the way he left and stayed at the hospital.
He pulled into the parking lot, finding a spot for his scooter. Once he was in place, he took a deep breath and dismounted. He spotted Perry sitting at the farthest table outside the cafe. He headed over to him.
When Perry spotted him, he shot up to pull JD’s chair out. “Hey.”
“Hi,” JD replied, sitting down with a smile.
Perry went back to the other side and took his own seat.
“I’m sorry–”
“I should–”
They had both started at the same time. After a brief interlude of laughter, Perry motioned for JD to speak first.
“I’m sorry,” JD began, “for running off and not coming back. I should’ve given you a chance to clarify.
Perry waved a hand. “No, it’s… It’s alright. You don’t need to apologize. I should’ve thought about what I was going to say a little more before I actually said it. It came off the opposite of how I meant it.” He took a second to just gaze at JD.
JD, growing a little weary of the silence, asked, “What?”
“I’m not embarrassed by you. I need you to know that.” He sighed. “JD, I would love for you to be in Jack’s life. I’m sorry that I led to think otherwise. And as it pertains to Jordan–”
“God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pressure you to tell her. Despite what I said, I know that we’re not a dirty se–”
“JD, let me finish.”
JD’s mouth slammed shut, a sheepish smile on his face.
“As it pertains to Jordan, it wasn’t because I was afraid of repercussions for me, but because I was worried about the effect on you. I can handle whatever Jordan wants to throw at me. I just didn’t want you to have to deal with it. I should’ve handled it better, should’ve spoken about it with you.” He sighed. “In hindsight, I should’ve had that conversation with you the second I knew that Jordan was coming.”
JD reached out to grab Perry’s hand, which was resting on the table. “It’s okay. Do you want to tell her?”
“Well, Newbie, that’s part of the reason I asked you out to lunch.”
JD’s eyebrows came together, blatantly showing his confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I, um… I spoke to Gandhidiot after you left. He was actually, much to my dismay, very helpful. So I drafted a bit of a plan, if you will, to amend this. I got his and Carla’s input.”
“So that’s why they were being so suspicious!” JD exclaimed.
Perry couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. “Anyway, since I had the day off, I took the chance to go back home. I made sure to send a message to you asking you to join me for lunch, and during the space of time between then and now, I bit the bullet and, well… I told Jordan about us.”
JD’s eyes widened. “You did?”
Perry nodded. “Yes.” After a beat, he continued, “That’s a good thing, right?”
JD smiled wider than he had in a while. “Of course it is!” He barely restrained himself from doing one of his Certified Happy Dances; instead, he just swayed a little in his seat. “Perry, that’s great.”
Perry smiled back at him. “One more thing.”
JD raised an eyebrow.
“I thought maybe… We could go public at the hospital?”
JD couldn’t help it this time, and he shot up from his chair to do a little jig. “YES!” he exclaimed. When his common sense came back to him, he glanced around before plopping himself back into his chair, thoroughly embarrassed. “I mean… Yeah, that’d be cool.” He crossed his arms in faux-calmness.
Perry had been laughing softly since the moment JD had shot up, however, and saw right through him.
--------
By the end of the day, JD and Perry were officially a couple by HR’s standards, and while they didn’t announce their relationship to everyone, they certainly didn’t hide it. If anyone were paying attention, they would figure it out. JD figured that they never really were a dirty secret, and it was foolish of him to think so in the first place.
“How’s it feel to be out now?” Turk asked him the next day.
“Pretty good, Black Whale,” JD responded confidently. “Pretty good. I don’t know how I ever managed otherwise.”
As if catching a whiff of their conversation, Jordan flew by them in the hall, spouting, “Oh, please, get any gayer!”
And JD and Turk doubled over with laughter.