Chapter Text
This fic was inspired by a piece of spectacular art I saw on Twitter that was created by the lovely @cosmosnoa, please go check them out!
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The commercial was a bust.
After the brand new rebuilt hotel had been completed, Charlie had insisted that she and her lovely friends should all come together and advertise it with yet another commercial.
Unfortunately, Alastor had declined, muttering something about ‘frivolous television technology,’ and ‘deals,’ as he stalked away to only god knows where.
Everyone else agreed to still make the commercial though, one with a much higher budget than the previous ones that the sinners had made together, thanks to Lucifer’s added engagement with his daughter’s project, but apparently not even that had been enough to attract sinners.
Not a single one.
So, Charlie found herself sadly drinking away with an apple martini, graciously prepared by Husker to soothe some of her woes.
“I just don’t know how to get people interested, I feel like I’ve done everything! And I was so stupid, I got the only person in the entirety of hell who wanted to actually try earning redemption killed, I got Alastor hurt, and I-!”
When asked about what type of drunk she was, she would usually say the affectionate type as that’s what she truly thought she was, but everyone that knew her would know that she was quite the crier at times.
Husker frowned at her, placing a gentle paw onto her hand that was clutching the cocktail glass. “Hey, it’s alright princess. Life can be a bitch sometimes, but you gotta stay strong. People will come around, just like Pentious and Angel did. Speaking of which, it looks like Angel Dust is coming over right now.” The woozy Morningstar looked over her shoulder, and sure enough a concerned looking spider demon was making his way over to sit next to her.
He glanced at Husk, the two seeming to share a silent conversation through each other’s eyes, knowing what the other was thinking without having to be verbal about it. The gambler huffed and turned around, grabbing a bottle of this and that to make some sort of concoction for the newly arrived guest.
The pink clad porn star sat down on a bar stool, his long limbs dangling over the edge lazily. He stared at the princess, taking in her rough appearance and couldn’t help but feel an influx of sympathy for her.
“Hey sweetie, you doin’ okay?” He really felt bad for Charlie sometimes. She had been born into a world that was too cruel for a person like her to live in, and she had to regularly pay the price for trying to protect others with her own tears.
Charlie leaned her head down against the bar and shook her head miserably. Angel huffed, looking over his shoulder and out of the bar and sighing when he didn’t see what he was looking for. “Where’s Vagina or short king when you need them?”
He placed a careful hand on Charlie’s head, petting her in some attempt at comfort. He wracked his brain for an idea on how to truly get people’s attention to this place without having to get fucked in the ass for it, since apparently that was a sin, but felt a mischievous smile spread across his lips as one came to mind.
It was definitely scurrying on the verge of becoming raunchy, but if they did this right then they could attract numerous horn dogs to the hotel for redemption without ever actually needing to offer them sex.
“You know…I could get Alastor to do a publicity stunt. He owes you after not helping with that ad that the rest of us worked on, and I know the perfect way to do it.”
Charlie lifted her head, her eyes were still wet but she had a more hopeful look on her face now. That was good, Angel was making some form of progress then.
“How about I go convince Alastor to agree to this project, and we’ll set it up all nice and pretty for you and all the other inhabitants of hell to gawk at tomorrow. Trust me, this’ll get more people here than some poorly acted commercial. Not that it was a bad idea of yours or anything, it’s just that nearly everyone here are shittier actors than Tiffany Titfucker.” The princess sniffed but smiled and nodded, looking truly grateful for the spider’s offered kindness.
Husker nodded to Angel Dust, giving him a thumbs up and an attractive smile. “Thanks man, now get us some new roommates, alright?” Angel’s heart fluttered, but he pulled himself together quick enough to give the cat a wink, turning around and ultimately beginning the long and treacherous path to the radio demon’s tower. Alastor was going to be a bitch to convince but Angel knew he could do it, for Charlie’s sake.
———
The sound of Vox’s boyfriend moaning came from the speaker of his phone. He thought the ringtone was inconvenient and terribly embarrassing to receive during a news interview, but the moth had insisted he use it. He rolled his eyes but ultimately clicked the ‘answer’ call button after a moment
Valentino started the call loudly, “Hey Voxxy, what’s going on sweety?” He sounded particularly delighted about something, but the living computer didn’t have the slightest idea what that could possibly be about.
“Feeding the sharks, nothing interesting was happening on the cameras and I don’t have any meetings either. Vark was whining so I decided to take a twenty minute break to give him and his brother some food.”
Valentino strangely enough began laughing at this. That was rather impolite of him to do; it seemed strange too. Vox hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary, right?
“You haven’ seen the news then I’m guessing? Goddamn Vox, your gonna love this, even I’m getting a serious hard on over what I’m watching right now and we both know that the radio demon obsession is your thing.”
“..What..?”
That definitely threw Vox for a loop. Apparently Alastor had gotten himself into some trouble or something, though that wasn’t out of the ordinary, but it had given Valentino of all people a boner?
He wasn’t given a further explanation, Valentino would only say, “Turn the news on right now babe, you are going to go absolutely wild over this.” He heard the line go dead, meaning that Valentino had hung up on him already.
Vox rolled his eyes and threw one more fish to his beloved pets before promptly turning and marching to his computer desk, already typing away various codes and clicking through a list of many files. He wasn’t expecting much, Valentino had a tendency to make a big deal out of things for the sake of dramatics, but it pertained to the radio demon so he absolutely had to know what exactly was going on. He clicked ‘666 News,’ only to get a close up of a tightly fitted pair of pants covering someone’s glitched ass in the corner of the screen. Mrs. Killjoy and Mr. Trench appeared to be in a riveting conversation over the notably pixelated, but still somehow attractive behind.
“I’m not a cannibal, but I certainly wouldn’t mind taking a bite out of those cheeks.” Tom had been saying. “Of course you have to say something like that Tom, I’m feeling nice enough though so I’ll even help you to chew.” Katie snarkingly replied, confusing Tom to no end. “What does that even-” he was cut off by a swift uppercut to the jaw, bending his mask to an awkward angle and sending him tumbling off his seat.
Katie dusted off her hand as if she had touched something particularly nasty but otherwise continued with the news story. “Unfortunately, our cameras are unable to pick up the radio demon, but we assure you that you’re gonna wanna go check him out for yourself at the newly rebuilt Hazbin Hotel as the old one was hilariously obliterated mere weeks ago in the recent extermination. Apparently, he is wearing a rather raunchy outfit, so if you want some great jerk off material, go visit Lucifer’s bitchy daughter. All that and more, after the break!” She said loudly before she launched a bloodthirsty attack against a very much bruised Tom, causing the broadcast to quickly cut to a commercial.
Vox had to see this. Holy fuck he needed to see this. He shakily moved his cursor around, clicking through various cameras located around the pentagram before finding one of his many cameras hidden around the outside of the hotel. There was a massive crowd, and they appeared to be waving their hands in the air and throwing money at a pixelated blob standing on some poorly made wooden stage.
He quickly jumped into the electricity, honestly wishing it would carry him faster, before popping out near the storm of sinners. He couldn’t see anything so, being the genius he was, he hopped from phone to phone until he got to the front to have the best view.
Woah. Alastor was, holy shit, he was just standing there, in fact he wasn’t even close to being naked and it was the hottest thing that Vox had ever seen. He was wearing one of those ‘Bunny Suits’ that were commonly seen at the beginning of particularly kinky porn films, though the rabbit ears and presumably the fluffy cotton tail were missing.
The black material hugged him tightly, displaying how thin his waist truly was; allowing very little to be left to the imagination. His chest was partially visible, and even from here Vox was able to tell that it was covered in a vast array of cuts and healed over wounds that Alastor had obviously acquired at some point during his long time in hell. He was wearing a snug red super crop top with sharp shoulder pads, matching a pair of slim fitting crimson slacks that would remind anyone of his classic ‘Radio Demon’ look. The last little detail of the divine piece that was the man’s outfit was an adorable little black bow tie sitting proudly around his neck.
Vox wanted absolutely nothing more than to tear everything off until it was nothing but a pile of shreds.
The computer hadn’t noticed until now, but Val’s favorite porn actor, he believed his name was Angel Dust, was proudly holding up a large sign that read, ‘IF YOU WANT A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM AND SEE MORE OF HIS ASS, SIGN UP FOR REDEMPTION IN THE HAZBIN HOTEL!’
That was a little bit of a silly rule right? Sure, Alastor was really delectable looking right now, but certainly no one would be willing to have to stay at this shit fest just for a chance to talk to the man-
“Hey Al baby, wanna give us a full 360 view?” Angel Dust was now gripping up a megaphone and talking into it loudly much to the annoyance of many, but it got the job done and alerted the deer that the audience had not seen his full body yet.
Alastor rolled his eyes, looking particularly bored, but placed a hand on his hip and slowly turned around, clearly not in a rush, and eventually allowed the audience a full view of a truly delicious looking scar covered back and a pleasant red fluffy tail.
A tail.
Alastor. Had. A. Tail.
Just like Vox, everyone there seemed to go wild over this fact, some even going so far as to try to climb onto the stage and having to be fought off by a number of Alastor’s tentacles; of course many got ‘excited’ over these as well.
This bothered Vox, why should they be allowed to see Alastor as he was right now, looking like he was and practically begging to be fucked?
Only Vox should be allowed to see that, he was Alastor’s rival after all, not these random passerby’s from down the street.
He pulled out his phone, tapping through different apps and programs at a rushed pace, and eventually connected to one of his Voyeur-Scopes that was hovering nearby. Although the speakers on them were kind of shitty, they would hopefully be good enough to play a decent message to this horde.
“Hey Vox-Fans! You wanna get a good view of Alastor without having to go through the excruciating trouble of redemption every day? Get a subscription to our Hazbin Hotel Cameras to watch in the comfort of your own home instead, now for only 49.99 a month!”
As expected, the stampede of people quickly fled the vicinity to instead get to the nearest Vox-Tek stores. It’s amazing how stupid people were in hell, of course he wasn’t going to actually let them see Alastor through the cameras, he could just put a looping video of the hotel and they would certainly believe it, never mind the fact that Alastor wasn’t even visible on film. As long as they kept giving him money and were far away from the radio demon though, he couldn’t care less how mindless they could be.
After about a minute, it was just him and the two now very annoyed Hotel employees staring him down heatedly. He took this long moment to simply appreciate Alastor’s perfect anatomy hungrily, memorizing as many details as he could from the stag’s outfit before eventually dragging his line of sight up to the red head’s face and making eye contact. Hopefully no one noticed the tightening of Vox’s pants.
He cleared his throat, “Nice costume. What’s the occasion?” Before either of the two workers had the chance to answer, the entrance to the large hotel opened and the princess and what could have possibly been her girlfriend came creeping out, looking like they had just rolled out of bed.
“What’s going on..? I heard a lot of noise but it’s quiet now, did something happen?” Mrs. Morningstar said drowsily before smacking a hand over her mouth at the image in front of her. The winged girl, Vox thought she went by Vaggie but he could have been wrong, caught a view of the deer as well and released a startled gasp but was otherwise much more calm about the radio host’s appearance.
“Uhh. Hey Alastor, nice outfit..? Is there a reason you're standing on that stage and decided to wear that thing today?”
The buck huffed and stepped off stage, looking bothered but quickly explained, “Angel came to me last night explaining that Charlie was drunk and upset over a lack of guests, so he convinced me to dress this way to get people to come here. Unfortunately, it didn’t go according to plan, and now we are stuck with this piece of junk.” He rudely gestured over to Vox as he said this.
The electronic overlord frowned at this, particularly annoyed, but felt his negative emotions exit him as the radio demon sauntered over to him, leaving the spider porn actor to the princess and her now yelling partner who was shouting at Angel for ‘attracting the wrong type of visitor’.
“Any reason you are here today? Other than to be an annoyance and steal our customers that is.” Vox didn’t stop his line of sight from moving to Alastor’s chest as the man stood in front of him, it would have simply been impossible to even try. He realized after about a minute that he hadn’t answered the radio demon and would eventually need to say something, so he coughed unpleasantly but eventually forced himself to speak.
“Just came here to observe.” He told the older overlord cheekily, not in a hurry to hide the fact that he was still undressing the radio host with his eyes. Strangely, the stag didn’t seem bothered by this, just smiled wider than he would normally, and even more shockingly leaned close to Vox’s audio sensors.
In a low, dangerous voice, he whispered sensually, “Perhaps if you agree to stay here with me, you could do much more than simply observe. Think about what we could do together, what you could do to me? Would you like that dear, being able to perform indescribable acts upon me? Does that sound like a deal?” He held out a palm for the television host to hold onto, whilst digging his other pair of claws into the computer’s blue suit, possibly ruining the intricate stitching.
That was all that Vox could ever want, just the two of them together. Forever. Alastor kneed the computer’s crotch, having taken notice of the obvious bulge, and that was what sealed the deal for the pathetic man made of wires.
Without even thinking of the consequences, he nodded, frantically grabbing hold of Alastor’s hand and shaking it harshly. “Yes, please, yes, fuck yes Al-!” He said manically, not caring how crazy he definitely sounded right now.
The cannibal laughed wickedly, finding all of this strangely amusing, when sickly green fire and nauseatingly blue electricity suddenly exploded all around them, shaking the very earth they stood on, offering the television host a reminder of how serious deals could truly be.
Oh.
Fuck.
What did he just do?
Alastor snapped his fingers, returning to his regular attire and placed a palm on the small of the younger man’s back, pushing the sinner towards their now shocked audience, looking quite proud of himself.
“I believe I just earned us a new guest to rehabilitate!”