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It had been a pattern for many months now.
Jing Yuan would meet the Astral Express crew as they deboarded from the Express, or would be waiting at the port for Stelle on the occasions when she visited alone.
Sometimes he would also send her messages, inviting her for tea, or to try some cake or new delicacy he had been gifted, insisting that he couldn’t eat it all by himself—she would be doing him a favor.
He seemed to be there every time he had even an inkling that the Express was coming or that Stelle was free.
Stelle wasn’t sure if Himeko kept him apprised or if he was having Fu Xuan divine it all somehow.
Stelle felt like the latter was a little unlikely—plus Fu Xuan would have likely refused, but you never knew with Jing Yuan and the Luofu.
The times she visited alone he would often take her around the Luofu, escorting her through Aurum Alley, or past the shops near the Seat of Divine Foresight. He would recommend various bobbles as souvenirs or food stalls for afternoon refreshments.
He paraded around as if he were a tour guide on each occasion–even on the 10th such visit, then on the 20th. No matter how long it had been since the Express had last visited, he would be waiting like clockwork.
After walking the Luofu with her, Jing Yuan would usually show Stelle to one of the many gardens, his favorite being just outside the Seat of the Divine Sight, which, according to Jing Yuan, was best for ‘meditating’.
There they would often have tea that he had specially brought—claiming again that he had too much to finish on his own—and sometimes they would play a game or two of Starchess. He would chuckle at the faces she would make when she was considering a move and ask her questions about her journey through the stars.
He never actually let her win, but he had let her come close once or twice, with a twinkle in his eye.
Jing Yuan would also ask Stelle about her health each time, calmly urging her to pay attention to her own needs and to rest when necessary.
Even on the days when he had to cut their outings short due to his work, he still met her at the port to welcome her.
This had been the pattern.
Stelle had no reason to believe that today would be any different, but as she stepped onto the Luofu, this time, there was no mess of white hair waiting for her.
She was a little stunned.
Stelle had been looking forward to another day of loafing around with Jing Yuan, but she supposed that the stars had just aligned each time before. He couldn’t always make time for her.
A melancholy settled itself into her heart.
Stelle agonized a while about what to do—mindlessly walking past the various shops and attractions of the Luofu as she mused—but her feet somehow found their path without any additional input from her, and before she realized it she was already standing in the hall of the Seat of Divine Foresight.
At the far end of the hall, Stelle could see Qinzu standing in front of Jing Yuan’s desk. Jing Yuan was also there, as she would have expected him to be; he rested his head on one hand and held some kind of paperwork in his other.
She couldn’t really see his face.
From the doorway Stelle could see that Qinzu looked agitated and could hear her speaking in a scolding tone, but she wasn't quite able to hear what she was saying.
As she approached the words gradually became more intelligible, and by the time she was a few paces past the middle of the room the words became as clear as the tense line of Qinzu’s shoulders.
“General, forgive me for speaking out of turn: I don’t know what your intentions really are, but your actions sure seem like romantic overtures to anyone looking on from the outside. You really should be more careful, she will misunderstand you.”
“Is that so?” Jing Yuan asked as he continued to inspect the paperwork in his hand, his tone a little playful.
Qinzu put a hand to her temple, “don’t you think leading that poor girl along is unkind? Cruel?”
“I see that speaking out of turn is truly of no concern to you.” Jing Yuan’s tone was still light, an unknown amusement dancing behind his eyes.
Qingzu made an aggravated noise “You are avoiding the topic, you know very well that-”
Jing Yuan cut her off with a curt gesture. He had noticed Stelle in the room; their eyes met and the humor seemed to drain from Jing Yuan’s expression in an instant.
Just as quickly—so fast Stelle doubted her eyes—she was met with a welcoming smile.
“Ah, Stelle, welcome. Just one moment and I will join you.”
Qinzu looked at Stelle nervously and retreated to another part of the room to inspect some documents without saying another word.
Stelle slunk over to the wall to wait for Jing Yuan.
She suddenly wished she hadn’t come.
“Are we going to talk about it?”
Stelle had been mindlessly fiddling with the leaves of a plant that climbed up the garden wall when Jing Yuan’s voice reached her.
He had brought her to the usual garden once he had finished with his business and had remained mostly silent on the way. He had appeared to be giving her room to think and now, Stelle thought, he intended to make her reveal those thoughts.
Stelle was just trying to look busy, and she knew it was obvious: there was no reason to be playing with the plant.
She wasn’t sure how to respond to his question, though. Playing dumb would be the easiest option—she wasn’t even particularly smart to begin with, she thought, so it wouldn’t be too far-fetched for anyone to believe she hadn’t put the pieces together.
“Talk about what?” Her voice was slightly too high; she had panicked.
“What Qinzu was saying to me when you entered the Seat of Divine Foresight.” Jing Yuan answered immediately.
Stelle realized then that she was hunting for distractions: the musical notes of the birds chirping in the branches overhead, the waxy feeling of the leaves as she plucked at them relentlessly–anything to keep her mind from the conversation looming.
As the seconds passed, however, it became harder to pretend she hadn’t heard him.
Stelle didn’t spare the plant of her assault, but she did finally turn to him.
Jing Yuan, in his infinite patience, was reclining on the ground, his back against one of the larger trees in the garden. He calmly watched her.
He hadn’t said anything since, and he didn’t look annoyed or disturbed, at least at first glance.
As Stelle looked closer though, she realized she couldn’t actually read his face at all. Although his expression seemed an easy smile, she thought she could see some unknown tension behind his eyes.
Looking into his golden stare left her feeling vulnerable.
Stelle looked to the side and stared at the small pond in the center of the garden, tracing the patterns of the fish swimming within.
Stelle was often told by the Express crew that she needed to work on her filter, but her filter seemed to be filtering out all her words rather effectively today.
The question still loomed: ‘Are we going to talk about it?’
Sensing that she was reluctant to speak further Jing Yuan lowered his head, bangs partially covering his eyes. He sighed almost inaudibly—the only sign that his patience might be reaching an end.
He knew what she had heard, but he was allowing her the denial for the time being.
“Very well. Let me clarify it all for you, then. Qingzu was chastising me for treating you the way I have. She accused me of ‘leading you on’... and specifically, of causing a misunderstanding with regards to my intentions.”
He lifted his head again and met her gaze, his eyes gleaming in the morning light.
“Tell me, Stelle, have I caused any misunderstanding? I had thought I was being quite clear.”
“Cle-?” Stelle’s voice failed her; she cleared her throat to try again. “Clear? W-what do you mean?” She wasn’t sure if this still counted as playing dumb; she had thought she knew what he and Qingzu had been talking about, but his eyes held a hidden meaning—a secret she didn’t know, was afraid to know.
Jing Yuan’s smile faltered, but his eyes remained trained on hers; he didn’t want to keep beating around the bush.
Stelle considered Jing Yuan to be the embodiment of patience, and she had hoped he would embody it further and drop the topic entirely if she just pretended she hadn’t heard anything.
She hadn’t expected him to stubbornly push forward.
Jing Yuan opened his mouth to speak, but for a moment said nothing. He closed his eyes lightly and exhaled, then after another short moment, met her eyes again and continued, softly.
“That I am in love with you”
Stelle felt as if both her heart and time itself had stopped.
The chirping of the birds in the garden suddenly sounded very far away.
Part of her had suspected this, that was the sort of denial it had been. It was part of the reason why she had been trying to avoid the conversation.
It seemed like a losing scenario. An impossible wish. It was common knowledge that any long-life species and short-life species relationship was doomed for tragedy.
Stelle remembered all the glances she had stolen at his face over the months, how he would meet her eyes occasionally with a warm and knowing smile that made her feel seen and treasured. Special.
She remembered all the times she had made sure to make herself available in case he would have a free moment, how she would drop everything and go to him when he had made some excuse to share a gift with her, or invite her for Starchess—even though she wasn’t very good.
All of the easy times they’d spent walking through the markets pointing out trinkets, or resting together in the garden. It had all been precious to her, but he had always made it sound like she was the one doing him a favor by spending the time with him.
He had been quietly telling her all along, but-
“You can’t be!” Stelle said before she could think any further; her face felt hot.
Jing Yuan tilted his head to the side, studying whatever expressions played across her face.
“Qingzu would believe it ill-advised… and she would not be alone. While it isn’t against any specific law, it is certainly against the common sense of the Xianzhou people as a whole. It would be considered a great folly.” He smiled again, a little ruefully, “I am old enough to know the implications of what I say, as well as the well-founded reasoning behind my people’s warnings against loving a short-life species, and yet,” his voice softened further, “it remains so.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Stelle asked, continuing her anxious assault on the plant in front of her.
“Why indeed?” Jing Yuan seemed to be directing the question to himself as well, but he already seemed to know the answer. He had already weighed all of this in his mind.
“Because I am prepared for what it means and perhaps—because you aren’t a Xianzhou native—I am aware that I do not have the luxury of a drawn out courtship.”
He chuckled then and added: “I also realize that I have yet to hear your answer, but perhaps that is because I have not yet asked you directly”
Jing Yuan rose from under the tree and closed the distance between them in three strides; He moved her hand away from the plant she’d been assaulting and brought it up to his lips.
“Am I the only one whose heart burns when we are together? Am I the only one imagining what it would be like for each day to have you in it?”
He held her hand gently, as if it were fragile, precious. “Am I the only one in love?”
Stelle thought she felt his hand tremble slightly as it held hers, but she couldn’t be sure. As she looked into his eyes though, she could see that the great and mighty general of the Luofu had made himself vulnerable, laying his heart at her feet.
“Jing Yuan, I- I don’t understand.” Stelle couldn’t admit anything, not yet, “why would you do this to yourself?” She quickly flipped through her mind for justifications, “I’m not always going to look like this, you know?”
Stelle paused again, gathering her thoughts.
“I won't always be strong like this either. One day–a blink of an eye for you—I’ll be old.” She looked away, “someday, I might not be able to move—eventually I might not be able to see, or even remember you. Then… I’ll be gone.”
Stelle looked back into Jing Yuan’s steady gaze. “You can’t want that.”
She thought she saw relief ease across Jing Yuan’s expression, and his smile became less strained.
“That is a fair concern I suppose, but you misjudge me if you think I haven’t already considered it.”
He still held her hand, but Stelle no longer felt the tremble from before. Maybe she had completely imagined it.
“Stelle, my love is not so easily swayed.”
Jing Yuan closed his eyes for a moment, briefly sparing her of their intensity. “If someday your eyes fail you, then I will guide you. If you cannot walk, I will carry you.”
He opened his eyes again, meeting hers earnestly. “If you do not remember me, I will remind you everyday of how much you are loved—and while you are here with me, I will treasure every moment.”
“I will look like your grandma,” Stelle protested, “like a prune!”
Jing Yuan laughed aloud then, his laugh reverberating in the small garden.
“I happen to like prunes.” He jested with a chuckle, then looked at her seriously. “No matter how you may change, you will remain beautiful to me.”
Stelle couldn’t imagine how that could possibly be true, but Jing Yuan’s steady look only held sincerity. He meant it.
“Now,” he continued, giving her hand a light squeeze, “may I have your answer?”
Stelle looked from his face to his hand. It still felt like a horrible idea, but now she couldn’t bear the thought of being without him either.
“Me too.” She admitted quietly, a little reluctantly. Stelle didn’t dare to look at his face, she was afraid to see whatever expression he might be making.
Jing Yuan dropped her hand then and gently tilted her head up with a finger, forcing her to meet his eyes. The depths of his golden pools threatened to drown her.
“May I kiss you?” he asked softly, quietly, searching her face.
Stelle hesitated for a moment, then nodded soundlessly. Jing Yuan tilted her head up a little further, capturing her lips tenderly. Stelle thought she could feel his longing in the way he kissed her, but he didn’t push her, gently pulling away and smiling at her.
“It still sounds an awful lot like you’re getting the short end of the stick” Stelle said with a small laugh, her voice quavering. “I still don’t understand what you could possibly get out of this.”
“What do I get?” Jing Yuan’s golden eyes seemed to radiate with a warmth she hadn’t seen before, “Why, I get the best days of your life.”
“And which days are those?” Stelle asked, a little embarrassed, fighting down the blush she could feel spreading across her face.
Jing Yuan looked at her adoringly. He gently brushed her bangs aside with a finger and kissed her forehead softly, lingering there a moment before pulling back to meet her eyes again.
“All of them.”