Chapter Text
The razorblade that sat between his fingertips was tempting him, taunting him. It begged him to press its silver body against his pale skin and swipe. It promised relief, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Though Kaidou had been indulging in this secret activity long enough to see past its deception, to know the relief would occur for a few minutes at most then replaced by guilt, he was desperate for something. He sought to break free from the jail that was his mind, even if freedom merely lasted a few seconds.
So with trembling hands, he brought the blade to his skin, pressing down before gliding the edge of the razor against his flesh. A stinging sensation occurred across the entirety of his forearm, and he hissed through clenched teeth. Yellowish orange fat peeked through the gape of the wound, before filling with red. He watched it trickle down his arm, before splattering against the bathroom tiles.
Ragged breathes passed through Kaidou’s trembling lips. He indulged in a few moments to recollect himself, before drawing the blade back against his arm. He swiped over one spot, before switching to the next, and the next, leaving his arm crowded with cuts. It wasn’t long before a puddle of blood formed. The light from the ceiling gleamed against the puddle of liquid, creating a shimmer. Kaidou could see his reflection, something he made sure to avoid.
He sat there for what felt like hours, blood leaking from his arm and staining his clothes. A voice in the back of his head urged him to get up, but he couldn’t find it in himself to collect the motivation too. A half an hour must’ve passed before Kaidou finally reached for the roll toliet paper, and dabbed the soft tissue against his arms, watching the paper soak the blood up. He grabbed a roll of red bandages and secured them around his arms, making sure to apply enough pressure to stop the bleeding. Then, he scrubbed the bathroom floor until clean.
He returned to his room, feeling sick and lightheaded. He collapsed against the soft mattress, slipping in under the weighted blanket. Guilt poured in, and his heart began to feel as heavy as a ton of bricks. Maybe he could sleep it off.
“Shun Kaidou, wake up this goddamn instant!”
The sensation of his body being forcibly shook was enough to wake him up from his slumber. He peeled open his eyes, turning his head to the direction the voice came from. His mother stood beside his bed, arms crossed and wearing a glare that pierced through Kaidou. He shrunk under her icy gaze, and pushed himself to sit up.
“Get up. If you aren’t downstairs in 10 minutes, you’re gonna regret it.”
Her voice was demanding. It filled Kaidou to the brim with anxiety. The type of anxiety that made his heart ache in his chest and create a painful churning sensation in his stomach. He watched as she left through the door, and slammed it behind her, causing Kaidou to jolt.
It took everything in him to move from the comfort of his bed. In his mind, he searched and searched for motivation. He reminded himself of his friends, especially Kuboyasu. The thought of seeing the ex-delinquent’s warm smile was promising.. So he gathered pieces of his uniform that was scattered across his room, hidden amongst other dirty laundry. He stripped himself of his clothes, and changed into his school attire.
Making his way down the stairs, his stomach rumbled, screaming to be fed, and an intense wave of nausea went through him. Despite his physical struggles, he had no desire to eat, so he walked past the kitchen, and grabbed his bag.
He turned to his mother before leaving through the door. She glanced at him and made a motion with her hand for him to go on, so that’s what he did.
The cold breeze tickled against Kaidou’s face, his baby blue curls swaying in the wind. Blood rushed to his cheeks and nose, leaving the skin tinted a cherry red. He proceeded to exit through the gate as his teeth audibly chattered and his body shivered. He should’ve grabbed a scarf on the way out.
He made his way down the sidewalk, beginning to rub both of his hands together in an attempt to warm himself up. It failed to do much, so after a few minutes, he gave up and shoved his hands into his pockets.
“Chibi-kun!”
The abrupt voice had frightened him. He jumped, swinging his head in the direction of the noise.
An unfortunate-looking giant sprinted towards him, wearing a wide, goofy smile. Behind him, Kuboyasu followed, smiling directly at him and waving. Kaidou didn’t feel so cold anymore, in fact, it felt as if his face was set ablaze. Why did this always happen around Kuboyasu?
“‘Sup. You look like you’re freezing ya’ ass off.”
Kaidou swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of his throat, and he let out a croaky laugh. As soon as the chuckle left his mouth, he wished it never had. Oh god, why was he such a loser?
“I am.”
Kuboyasu began to undo the scarf that nested around his neck, and Kaidou watched, his eyes squinted and his lips in a pout. What was he doing..?
“Here you go.”
Kuboyasu went ahead and neatly wrapped the scarf around Kaidou, and the smaller boy almost died on the spot. His heart violently thumped in his chest, so loud he wondered if Kuboyasu could hear.
“Ah.. Ah um..” Say something, you idiot!
“T-Thank you..” He spluttered out, voice quivering.
“Of course.”
Kuboyasu’s smile was blinding. Brighter than the sun, too beautiful for Kaidou’s eyes. He finds it difficult to look at him, and even harder to look away. Kaidou’s going blind.