Chapter Text
Sana internally rolls her eyes for what seems to be the hundredth time today. She's surrounded by Nayeon and their friends, all ohh'ing and ahh'ing at her gigantic engagement ring she's showing off.
Nayeon is absolutely glowing. She hasn't stopped smiling since they arrived at the restaurant about an hour ago. Sana is obviously the first person she showed. And she's gotten used to it at this point. Pretending.
Sana tells her it's the most beautiful ring she's ever seen and that it's perfect. But really it's not. It's tacky and not at all the classic look that she knows Nayeon prefers. But Sana's heart deflates when she sees that the smile of happiness her best friend wears is completely genuine. With absolutely no faults or cracks.
"Nayeon it's gorgeous!" Jihyo beams as she takes her hand and pulls it closer, trying to assess all the details up close. "How did he propose?"
"At our first date spot," Nayeon coos and everyone follows along, gushing words of praise and congratulations all over again.
"Did you guys set a date already?" Momo asks and Sana's head whips around suddenly at that, anticipating her answer.
Sana is too scared to approach that thought in her mind. To her, their engagement is as far as this charade goes. Nayeon will soon realize she's been in love with Sana all this time and they'll live happily ever after.
"Next spring."
Or not.
She stares at Nayeon and smiles back quickly when she meets her eye, raising an eyebrow. You okay? she knows Nayeon's asking. All she can do is shake her head enthusiastically and look away, she can't stand being in this room any longer. She feels like she's drowning. Gasping for air. But she stays put knowing that Nayeon needs her here. She won't ruin this for her.
"You guys are all bridesmaids obviously," Nayeon says to no one in particular and everyone claps gleefully at the thought of their unnie getting married. Sana's stomach recoils instead.
She's debated telling Nayeon ever since she found out in high school. Ever since she accidently got a peek at Nayeon's mark on her lower back. One that matched her mark on her left hip down to every last detail.
She almost confessed back then. Almost demanded Nayeon to compare marks so they could be sure. But Nayeon was glued to her phone, eyes bright like a thousand suns, happily texting her then boyfriend of three years.
Nayeon's always told Sana how much she cares for him. How good he is to her. How she can't wait to start a family with him. It's annoying how many times she says it. But it hurts more than anything. And with every heart gutting proclamation, Sana's resolve to tell Nayeon the truth slowly fades into an impossible dream. One that she might achieve in another life time. One where Sana's not afraid of ruining their friendship and takes a chance.
But Sana slowly blinks her way back into reality when she feels a familiar tug on her hands. "Hey what's wrong?" Nayeon asks gently, her eyes swimming with an emotion that Sana can never quite pinpoint.
It's moments like these that confuse her. Sana thinks she sees glimpses of what it would be like to have Nayeon worry about her in that way. Worry about her as a lover and not as a friend. Worry about her as a soulmate would because that's what they are. If their marks are any indication.
But as Sana's eyes catch a glare from her ring, her heart continues to chip away piece by piece, knowing that there isn't really anything her mark can change at this point. She won't force Nayeon to leave the fiancé she clearly loves because it's their "destiny".
So she does what she's been doing all these years, hides her love and feelings for this woman and wears a fake smile, one that even Nayeon thinks is real. "I'm just happy for you that's all. I can't believe you're getting married." She pulls Nayeon impossibly close and rests her head against her shoulder, trying to savor her touch as much as she can, before it's all ripped away from her the moment Nayeon says I do.
"You sure?" Nayeon murmurs against her locks and Sana nods slowly, still not letting her go.
"Positive."
---------------
Wedding planning is a lot easier than Sana expected it would be. Sure, she cries almost every day about it, but that's in the confines of her own apartment. Where she's alone and no one can judge her for letting it get this far. For letting her soulmate slip through her finger tips like sand. But each time Nayeon's checklist for wedding preparations get shorter and shorter, the realization of letting her go becomes all too real. And Sana's grip on her emotions starts to falter. She doesn't know how long she can keep up this facade.
Fortunately, all nine girls are currently on a plane for her Bachelorette party. It was Jihyo's idea to jet everyone off to Jeju at the last minute for some fun before the big day. Sana is dreading every moment. Bikinis and her mark are an extremely bad combination.
"Too bad you're on your period, you can't do any of the water activities with us," Nayeon pouts and rests her head on her shoulder. Sana looks down at their intertwined hands and wonders to herself if this is okay.
They've been holding hands like this ever since the plane took off. Sana's always been the affectionate one but it was always her. Never Nayeon. And now? Nayeon grabbed her hands right after take off and hasn't let go since. Sana doesn't dare pull her hands away. In fact, she squeezes them even tighter and revels in this feeling. Because at this very moment, he doesn't matter. And Sana doesn't question Nayeon either. Too scared that she'll pull away once she realizes just how long they've been touching.
"It's okay. I'll still be there. Just watching," Sana leans over her to look out the window and is memorized by the turquoise watering glistening over them. "Look how beautiful the water looks!"
She admires its beauty for a few seconds more but looks back when she feels Nayeon staring at her, eyes roaming delicately over her features. "What? Do I have something on my face?" she embarrassingly asks and tries to let go so she can fix whatever imperfection Nayeon has found.
Nayeon shakes her head and merely brushes the loose strands out of her face and tucks them behind her ears. "No just reminiscing about us."
Us.
Sana's heartbeat picks up speed and she coughs away her inner turmoil, hoping that Nayeon doesn't realize the impact she's made just by saying those two words. "Good or bad?"
Nayeon's lips curve up ever so slightly and Sana frowns when she sees a hint of sadness to them. Nayeon's been strangely quiet the past few weeks. Sad even if you look into her eyes close enough. Sana's asked her what's wrong multiple times but Nayeon's evasive. Chalking it up to work and wedding planning stress.
She senses that pushing for answers now wouldn't do either of them any good and the last thing she wants to do is spoil their trip with an argument. So she chooses to let it go and save that conversation for later.
The plane lands soon after and the familiar pings of cellphone notifications ring all around her. She glances down at Nayeon's vibrating phone and waits for Nayeon to disconnect their conjoined hands to take his phone call. When her grip doesn't loosen at all, Sana frowns even more.
"Hey are you going to take that?"
"No."
The bite in her tone is something she's only ever experienced once before in their friendship. It was the worst fight she and Nayeon ever had. But only this time, it's not directed at Sana. For that she's thankful. But Sana knows that something is wrong. Nayeon's always dropped anything she's doing to take his phone calls. But this time, she doesn't even budge.
"Are you sure?"
Nayeon glares at her, displeased with her intrusive questioning and yanks her hands back, the peacefulness of before now completely shattered. "Jesus Sana back the fuck off. I said no already. Mind your fucking business."
Sana's always hated this about herself. She's never had the courage to stand up to Nayeon when she's like this. When she's angry and upset and the only way she knows how to direct her emotions is by taking it out on her. Because at the end of the day, Sana knows she won't ever abandon her. No matter how cruel and deep her words cut. And Nayeon knows this too.
Sana can only watch as the other passengers get up slowly to grab their luggage and make their way through the aisles. One by one as the people in front of them start to walk off, the energy between Sana and Nayeon grows bitter and sour.
They don't say anything once off the plane and the other girls look to each other in confusion at the tense atmosphere. "Everything okay?" Jeongyeon questions, eyes shifting between the two.
"Fine."
Everyone tenses at Nayeon's tone. They all know that once she's in a mood, it's better to leave it be or things will only get even worse.
"Alright.......well. I was only able to get us four double rooms and one single. So who wants the sing-"
Sana instantly raises her voice and coughs, "I'll take it."
"Are you sure?"
Sana only nods and tightens her hands on her luggage, set in her decision. Because she refuses to subject herself to Nayeon's mood swings and bad attitude this entire trip. Even if Sana and Nayeon are always roommates on their friend trips. And Sana loathes sleeping alone. She often wakes up in cold sweats from her nightmares if she doesn't feel a warm body by her side. That warm body usually being Nayeon.
The girls are quick to try and smother the tension with useless chatter and small talk. Sana walks a little slower than everyone else this time, wanting to lessen her chances of walking next to Nayeon.
"You okay?" Tzuyu stays behind the rest of the group and looks at her in worry.
Tzuyu's always been the quiet type. She keeps to herself and only interjects whenever absolutely necessary. But Sana's been grateful for her presence over the years. She's the only one out of their friend group who knows about Nayeon and Sana's connection. And she hasn't said a word to anyone about it.
"It....just.....hurts me when she's like this," Sana sighs and slows down her steps, "her upcoming wedding isn't helping with my mood either."
Tzuyu slows her pace and softly grabs her shoulder, trying to ease some of her tension. "Are you really going to let her go through with it?" Sana stays silent and that's all the answer Tzuyu needs before sighing. "Why? Don't you think she deserves to know?"
"Tzuyu you don't understand. Nayeon doesn't need a mark to tell her who she loves and who she doesn't. I know she loves him. Deeply and truly. And what kind of monster would I be if I take that away from her?"
"You haven't even given her the chance to decide that for herself. If she does find out about you, she can still choose him in the end. And that's her decision to make. Not yours."
And just like that, Sana feels what little remaining happiness she possessed wilt away into dust. Because of course she's thought of that. She's dreamt of telling her and making her decide. Choose me or him. And in every single dream where she's not the one Nayeon picks, Sana absolutely crumbles. Sana can remain ignorant in the what ifs. But to know that Nayeon could still not choose her in the end, terrifies Sana down to her core.
Having that said out loud only heightens her fear of it really happening. And so Sana does what she does best. She puts on a smile and continues forward, hoping that no one can hear the sound of her heart breaking.
"It's fine Tzuyu. We'll be okay."
--------------------
By the time Sana gets to her suite, it's almost dinner time. The girls are in their rooms getting ready to go out but Sana chooses to stay behind. Sleep deprivation and bone crushing exhaustion finally catching up to her. She feels instant relief the moment her body hits the soft mattress and her entire body hums with satisfaction.
Her phone has been buzzing non-stop from their group chat and she smiles slightly at her friend's crazy antics.
Momo: You guys almost ready?
Jihyo: Yes give me ten minutes.
Tzuyu: You said that twenty minutes ago! 🙄
Jeongyeon: Bitches hurry up!!
Sana's eyes roam for Nayeon's response, hoping that her mood has improved. This trip is supposed to be about her. So Sana feels guilty that it's already off to a bad start. She unexpectedly hears a rhythmic, soft knock on her door and she doesn't have to look through the peep hole to know who it is.
Nayeon stands at her door dressed in sweatpants and an oversized shirt. Her hair is loosely braided to the side and thin framed glasses sit cutely on top of her nose. Sana loves this look the best. It's the most natural part of Nayeon that she gets to see. And she doesn't show this side of her that often, usually opting for a more sophisticated appearance.
"Hi," Nayeon fidgets and clasps her hands behind her back, "Can I come in?"
She silently widens her door and let's Nayeon through. It's rare for her to approach first after a fight, especially so soon.
"You haven't even unpacked yet," Nayeon inspects around her room and notes her luggage neatly stowed away in the corner. Her shoes are lined up in a row while her bed is tidy and free of any wrinkles. "You're not going out tonight?"
Sana knows how this works. She always starts out with small talk and works her up way to a half ass apology. Never really taking accountability but extending an olive branch by hanging out with her and being clingy for the next few days. Which honestly, isn't as shitty as it sounds. A clingy Nayeon is so rare to see.
"No I'm too tired. Jet lag and all...."
Nayeon only hums in response and slowly makes her way over to Sana, taking her hands and caressing her knuckles softly, "Look....I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you."
Sana's jaw drops to the floor and she backs away slightly, "What?"
"I said I'm sorry."
"Nayeon.....we've been friends for over fifteen years and you've never said sorry once. You're being weird," Sana says incredulously and continues to gawk at her behavior, "first the missed phone calls and now this...."
"Do you forgive me?" Nayeon whispers softly instead and she looks at her as if this fight was Sana's last straw. Something so small. They've gone through much worse before. It never even crossed her mind that this would be their end.
Sana let's out a light giggle and practically leaps into her arms, giving her a heartwarming hug. "Of course I forgive you. This was a silly little argument anyways."
She feels Nayeon's arms wrap around her waist protectively and there's a comfortable warmth that envelops them. They stay in each other's embrace for a while. Sana never knew her heart could beat so wildly but feel so calm at the same time.
Sana suddenly hears light sniffles and she yanks her head back, untangling her limbs, "Nayeonie are you crying?" Nayeon tucks her head away and tries to hide but Sana doesn't let her. "What happened?"
Nayeon let's out a heart breaking sob and she lowers herself on Sana's bed, head in her hands, completely lost and destroyed. "He's having an affair."
An affair?
She's at a complete loss for words. Because surely he couldn't be so foolish to choose someone else over Nayeon. Nayeon, who's only ever given her whole heart to him all these years. Who's only ever shown loyalty and love for him. Repaying her with such betrayal is unfathomable. It breaks Sana's heart but also fills her soul with rage.
"What?" Sana sputters.
All these years that he's had her......when she's supposed to be hers.....and he just throws it away?
"Nayeon I-"
"I found them in our apartment. I forgot my phone and went back to grab it...." Nayeon let's out another sob and looks up to Sana for help. Asking Sana to help her make sense of all this. "I heard them.....god Sana, the sounds I heard."
Sana bends down on her knees, not entirely sure how to comfort someone who's been cheated on. But she does the only thing she can do. She slowly unclenches Nayeon's fists, drawing smooth patterns on her palm. Letting her physical presence tether them together. To let Nayeon know that she will never leave.
"If there's one thing you deserve in this world, it's someone who loves you wholeheartedly. I'm so sorry he did this to you Nayeon. You don't deserve this...." Sana cups Nayeon's tear stained cheeks and tries her best to wipe away her tears. But her anguish and heartbreak are never ending.
Tears continue to pour out and Nayeon sobs harder, "I don't understand why he did this. Proposed to me while seeing someone else....."
"It wasn't a one time thing?" she whispers.
"He told me it's been a year."
Her stomach drops at that admission. Sana never knew him to be such a cruel and evil human being. Continously lying and betraying someone as beautiful and selfless as Nayeon.
"God.....I'm sorry Nayeon," Sana plants a tender kiss on her temple and holds her close, "You deserve so much more. I hope you know that."
Sana continues to shower her with light touches and soft kisses, hoping that her presence can relieve even a fraction of the pain she's feeling.
Time moves painstakingly slow but Nayeon's sobs finally shimmer down into hiccuped breathes and Sana's eyes roam over Nayeon's swollen ones. She doesn't think twice before she leans over and plants a soft kiss over each eye. She slowly gives a final kiss to the corner of Nayeon's mouth, ignoring the way the brunette's breath hitches at the unexpected contact.
"Are you still going through with the wedding?" she looks back and sees Nayeon staring at her lips, seemingly in a trance.
"He's been trying to contact me all day. Asking for another chance. Saying shit like couple's therapy and all this bullshit. God....fuck him," Nayeon finally looks up and Sana breathes a sigh of relief when she sees some of the fire back in her eyes. "I'd be a damn fool if I took him back. So no, I'm most definitely not going through with it."
Sana gives her another apologetic squeeze and gets up, trying to lighten the mood, "Do you still wanna go out? I'm sure the girls are not too far away. It could help take your mind off things."
"No......can we just sleep?" Nayeon's already halfway under her covers and yawning, "I'm too tired to even think right now."
Sana follows Nayeon to bed and yanks off her shirt, snuggling close to her for body warmth. They've done this more times than Sana can count, cuddling with each other in bed. Sana prefers to be shirtless, except for her bra and a pair of shorts. She craves the skin to skin contact. And Nayeon always let her. It was always harmless Sana thought. Nayeon's never looked at her in a way that would indicate her feelings go beyond platonic.
And so, Sana buries her head against Nayeon's chest and drapes her arm over her waist. Just like she always does. "Night...." Sana whispers and soon, light snores fill the space around them.
Only this time, Sana isn't awake to see the look on Nayeon's face. A look that says it's anything other than platonic.
---------------
The afternoon proves to be a lot more fun than the previous night. Despite half the girls being hung over and Nayeon still dealing with her ex fiancé, everybody's in a good mood. The private yacht that Jihyo secured them is luxury at its finest. They have their own private chef cooking them delicious food and specialized drinks flow freely.
Sana sits quietly by the front of the boat, dangling her feet over the edge, watching as little fish swim by mindlessly. She can see miles and miles of ocean around them and the sun is in full beam today. It's the perfect day for relaxation. And Sana wishes all her days were this care free.
She smiles fondly as the girls are all wadding in the water, screaming and yelling as they try and submerge each other. Thankfully nobody questions her reason of menstruating to excuse her from these types of activities. It's never stopped her before.
A soft tap on her shoulder catches her attention and she turns around to see a young man in his mid twenties smiling sweetly at her. He's one of the captain's crew members who's been in charge of entertaining and socializing with the girls. He's attractive. With dark brown eyes and jet black hair, Sana chuckles to herself when he hands her a drink.
"I made it myself," he hands her a cool glass and Sana inspects its contents carefully, "it's good. Not too strong. I promise."
His sweet smile almost makes Sana squeal. He's so darn cute that Sana can't help but entertain him for just a few moments. Some innocent flirting won't hurt anyone. "Do you always make drinks for your customers?"
"Not all of them," he chuckles and Sana smiles back when she sees an adorable dimple on his left cheek. "May I?" he indicates to the empty spot next to her.
Sana makes room for him on the edge of the boat and he sits right up against her. Not leaving much room between them. It's silent for a few moments. Sana is still looking out towards the water and she observes Nayeon in particular. She's smiling and laughing. She seems more like herself today and Sana relaxes at that. After she told her about the affair, Nayeon felt brave enough to tell the other girls the following morning.
"Sorry I didn't catch your name during introductions. There's a lot of you," she hears to her left and she scolds herself for ignoring him. Nayeon is fine. She can spare her attention elsewhere for a few minutes.
"Ahh sorry," she clicks her tongue and holds out her hand for a shake, "I'm Sana."
"Dex."
Sana eyes him discreetly. He's definitely handsome. Not the type of beauty she usually goes for but his looks are universal. He just looks so damn good. And Sana doesn't fail to notice that the shirt he was wearing earlier is nowhere to be found. She let's her eyes drift slowly over his abdomen, imagining what it'd be like to touch them.
She's never been with a man before so she's only curious. Her eyes shoot up quickly when she hears a cough beside her.
Busted.
Sana can't help the loud laugh that escapes her and she holds onto his arm for support, not wanting to fall overboard. "I'm sorry that was inappropriate of me."
Her chuckles grow louder when he turns beet red and nervously scratches his head, "I don't mind. I mean you're so pretty so who I am to complain."
"Well thank you. You're......," Sana does another once over but this time, she takes in his form without reserve and stares boldly into his eyes, "also very good looking....it's only natural."
Dex reciprocates this time and checks her out, his eyes spending extra time on her long legs before he leans over slightly and Sana gasps when she feels his hot breath on her ear. "Are you free later tonight?"
And just like that, her glee at their flirtatious banter is replaced with gut wrenching guilt. Her mind goes back to Nayeon's fiancé and how he did this and more when he had Nayeon waiting for him at home. She suddenly curses the unfairness of it all. People who have everything never appreciate it.
Sana looks back dumbfounded, "Umm well-"
"No she's not free later tonight. I suggest you back off," somebody growls over them.
Sana knows that voice. Her body reacts on instinct and she gets up to swiftly to move away. "Nayeon!" she squeaks and smooths out her shirt, "I didn't even hear you walk over."
Dex gets up as well, abeit more slowly, and stares at them confusingly. "Are you two together?"
"What?" Sana falters and looks back at her shyly, "No we're just frie-"
"Dex was it?" Nayeon stares down at him coldly and scoffs. "I suggest you keep your flirting to yourself unless you want me to complain to your superiors about your behavior."
"Hey! She was doing it too. It wasn't just me!" he justifies.
Nayeon only glares at Sana and turns back to Dex, annoyed by his excuses. "Just......stay away. That's all."
Sana watches as Nayeon angrily stomps off and harshly dries herself off with a towel. She sends another glare her way and Sana frowns at her behavior.
"I'm sorry about her. She's usually sweet and very social."
Dex only hums but starts to back away as Nayeon continues to send him deathly glares. Her agitation rising when she moves to walk towards them again, this time a lot more angry. "It was nice to meet you Sana," he rushes and scurries off to the lower deck of the boat.
"What the fuck was that about?" Sana crosses her arms when Nayeon stands before her, anger still etched on her face. "You were being rude."
"I should be asking you that. Why the fuck are you flirting with him? You don't even know him."
"And how is that any of your business?" Sana challenges.
The two engage in a heated staring match and their glares continue to escalate. Sana's not even sure why Nayeon's so mad. Sana's never meddled in her love life before. But Nayeon's always expressed disapproval to anyone she's ever dated.
Nayeon hated Sana's first girlfriend the most. She openly told her that she was a loser the first time they met. As expected, they didn't get along after that. Nayeon's dislike for her only worsened when Sana mentioned that her now ex-girlfriend took her virginity.
But that was the only person she's ever liked. Her other prospects were harmless dates. But Nayeon always said they weren't not good enough for her and would roll her eyes whenever Sana gushed about them.
Wait.
She couldn't be. There's no way....
Sana can't help the words that escape her. It's impossible.
"Are you jealous?" she gasps and her theory is almost confirmed when Nayeon's body goes rigid and she narrows her eyes, her body burning like an angry inferno.
"Why the fuck would I be jealous? He's ugly," she retorts and looks the other way.
"No I mean.....are you jealous that he was flirting with me?" Sana steps a little closer and can't help the smile that appears on her face. Her heart slowly crescendos into a chaotic mess because this can't be why. Because that would mean that Nayeon likes her.
"Sana you just met him. What if he kidnaps you?" she asks instead, this time with a little less bite.
"So I'll invite him back to my hotel. Problem solved."
Nayeon's breath picks up speed and she yanks Sana close, grabbing her wrists forcefully but not enough to induce pain, "I don't want him or anyone else in your room. Only me."
Nayeon's outburst surprises both of them and they both pull away in silence, not really sure if that's an appropriate thing to say to a friend. But she's not mad. Just surprised. And happy? Sana can only attribute the way her heart skips a beat to happiness.
Happiness because Nayeon is jealous? Possessive? Territorial? Of her?
"You know what? Just do whatever the hell you want. I don't fucking care anymore," Nayeon growls and turns away to join the other girls.
Leave it to Nayeon to completely get her hopes up and then obliterate it to the ground with one measly fuck you. Sana looks back at her retreating form and thinks back to Tzuyu's advice about telling her about their mark. About their shared destiny.
What a terrifying conversation that will be, Sana stutters to herself.
-------------------
Sana's quiet during dinner later that evening. After the boat incident, she really doesn't have it in her to engage in conversation with the girls. Her mind swirling with made up scenarios and horrifying what ifs. She opts to sit in the corner, farthest away from Nayeon, and picks at her food. Listening but never saying much. Which isn't like Sana at all. She's usually the one talking the most.
"Are you okay?" Jeongyeon leans over and eyes Sana carefully, as if she's a wounded animal. "You look like a kicked puppy. It's heartbreaking."
Sana really doesn't know how long she can keep this up for. Years and years of constant doubt and heart break are finally starting to show their cracks. Tears start to spill and she curses herself for breaking down in public.
"Sorry Jeongyeon. It's been a long day," she whispers and pathetically wipes away her tears. She turns away and shields herself from the rest of the group, hoping that they're too engaged in whatever crazy story Momo is retelling.
"Sana, you can tell me. What's bothering you?"
Luckily the restaurant is loud and vivacious. A cover band serenades everyone loudly in the corner and the lights are dimmed for a summer night ambiance.
Can she trust her?
"Has Nayeon ever showed you her mark?"
Jeongyeon furrows her brows at the question but answers anyways. "Yeah why?"
Sana picks up her fork and swirls her food around, separating each individual grain of rice into its proper place, "I saw hers once....a long time ago."
Jeongyeon waits for a further explanation on how this relates to her current emotional state. Sana can only look at her desperately, pleading for her to understand her dilemma so she doesn't have to speak the hard truth out loud. A few moments later, Sana watches as confusion slowly turns into recognition. And then morphs into pity.
"Ohhhhh......shit...." she whispers and looks around to make sure no one is listening to their conversation, "I'm going to assume she doesn't know."
"You assume correctly."
"Sana....." she sighs and squeezes her hand.
Sana's seen that look on Tzuyu before too. Silently asking her why it's taken so long to tell Nayeon. But it's not as easy as they make it out to be.
"How do you tell your best friend who's in love with someone else that they're your......" Sana can't even finish her sentence. She shakes her head and continues, "and now her fiancé cheated on her. I can't exactly drop another bomb on her."
"Would it be so bad?"
"I don't think it's the right time."
"That's bullshit and you know it," Jeongyeon argues and takes a large gulp from her margarita, "if I found out my asshole fiancé cheated on me but my best friend of fifteen years shares my mark, I'd be confused at first, maybe even a little angry that she never told me sooner. But I know I'd be so happy."
"You'd be happy?" she shakes her head in disbelief and takes a sip out of her own glass.
"Yes! Because the asshole who broke my heart never really mattered at all in the end. Only my soulmate. And knowing you, I know Nayeon would fully trust in you to take care of her."
The restaurant chatter does nothing to quell her troubles but she knows that Jeongyeon is right. She can't run away from this forever.
"I just.......don't know if she'll like that we're....."
Jeongyeon sighs again but this time, her smile radiates a little bit of warmth and hope, something Sana truly needs right now. "You don't know Nayeon as well as you think you do then if you think she'll be upset about this."
--------------------
It was Jeongyeon's wonderful idea to go to a night club after dinner. It's a short walk from their hotel and the girls are seated at a VIP booth adjacent to the bar.
"Here, take this and loosen up a little bit," Jeongyeon offers her a drink and Sana downs half of it in one go. "But maybe.....pace yourself first."
Unfortunately, Nayeon's been ignoring her all night, which has only seemed to spoil her mood even more. Sana keeps an eye on her periodically, trying to avoid looking suspicious. But she can't help it. Not when she looks that good. Nayeon in mini-dresses has always been her weakness, especially when she's wearing red.
"Why is she being so childish?" Sana slams her drink down and waves to the waiter for another, eyes beginning to gloss over, her body starting to sway uncontrollably. "First she tells me not to fuck Dex basically. Then tells me she doesn't want anyone in my room except her." Sana gulps down two more shots and wipes her mouth sloppily, "Then she has the fucking nerve to ignore me after that!"
Jeongyeon and Tzuyu look to each other in concern, eyeing the steadily climbing number of empty glasses by Sana's side. Sana's mood turns deadly when she eyes Nayeon, who has her hands all over some petite blonde woman. They've been dancing way too close ever since they stepped foot inside. Sana wants to be upset and drag her off the dance floor. To demand that she only dance with her that way and no one else. But then she remembers Nayeon's asshole fiancé and she sighs heavily. Sana can't really blame Nayeon for wanting to get her mind off of him. Even if it means having to watch Nayeon with another woman.
The waiter brings four more shots and another drink per Sana's request and she grabs the first one she sees. Her throat burns and her mind is starting to turn painstakingly numb. Her body humming with nervous energy mixed with anger. She can feel the lines of imagination and reality start to blur and Sana finally sits back and lays her head back.
She hasn't drank this much since high school. She swore off alcohol ever since Nayeon found her blacked out in a pool of vomit. Getting her stomach pumped was definitely not what she had in mind to kick off her senior year. But it helped her cope. Her father died two weeks before. Nayeon made her swear to never drink that much again and she's kept that promise.
Until now.
Sana's eyes shoot open to take another shot despite the other girl's protests, "And then she's fucking doing that, with whoever the fuck that is." Sana clenches her fists when she looks over at Nayeon again.
They're making out. Fucking great.
Sana's hand reaches out for another drink but Tzuyu's quicker. "Unnie, no more. Please..."
Sana practically growls in her face and Tzuyu backs off quietly, not knowing how to handle this side of Sana. Three more shots of Patron go down easily and she can no longer distinguish between what's alcohol and what's not. It all tastes the same to her now. A familiar unease starts to brew in her stomach and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying to temper her rising sickness.
"Water," she gasps out and she's left alone momentarily as Jeongyeon and Tzuyu rush to the bar. Sana eyes the nearest bathroom because she knows what's coming and wobbles over hurriedly, pushing past the crowds of bodies surrounding her. The thumping music and strobing lights only add to her discomfort and Sana prays that she gets to the bathroom before she spills her entire dinner on the dance floor.
Sana slams the door open and finds the bathroom empty. The room starts to spin in all different directions but she steadies herself on the wall, slowly making her way over to the farthest stall possible. The unmistakable feeling of bile rising in her throat springs Sana into action and she violently spews everything she's consumed in the last twenty four into the toilet.
Sana doesn't know how long she's in there for. But all she knows is that the less she moves, the better she feels. Her stomach continues to defy her and she vomits every five minutes or so but every time the alcohol leave her system, she feels a little less like death. Sana starts to feel her eyes involuntarily closing again, each passing minute making it more difficult to keep herself awake.
She remembers now why she swore off alcohol. It alway made her feel like complete shit. Her breathing is so irregular and shallow and her heart races against her chest. Choking on her own vomit seems like a better alternative at this point. Sana wills her legs to move so she can go back to her hotel and rest. But they don't budge.
Sana gives up after three more pathetic tries. Her vision starts to close in on herself and she rests her head against the stall for support. She just hopes that the girls aren't too worried about her.
A loud thud jolts Sana awake and she can barely make out a familiar voice calling out her name. But she knows whose voice that is. She would recognize it anywhere.
"Sana!" the panicked voice screams out and she tries her best to yell back. To tell Nayeon that she's here. But her voice is too raw and the only thing her body can do is breathe. She simply has no energy for anything else.
"How could you let her walk off on her own! And drink so fucking much!"
"Nayeon that's not fair. We didn't know she'd get up and leave," another voice says more gently, trying to diffuse the tension.
"I swear to fucking god if something happens to her..." Sana senses anger. A lot of anger in her voice. But something else too. Because underlying all that fury, Nayeon sounds scared.
One by one, the girls continue to slam each bathroom stall open, yelling out her name. "Sana are you there?!"
"Sana!"
She musters up all the strength she has left and tries to call to them. They don't need to worry about her. She's right here.
"Nayeonie......" she gasps out at first, wincing at the pain inside her throat. Her voice is barely above a whisper and Sana's frustration grows.
They can't hear her.
"Oh my god she's not here." The complete panic and fear in Nayeon's voice is completely new to her. She's never heard her like that before. "Where is she? What if.....what if.....?"
"Nayeon calm down and just breathe. We'll find her," Jeongyeon loudly inhales and exhales through her nose and mouth, trying to get Nayeon to follow along.
Sana's never heard Nayeon this scared before. Guilt eats away at her and all she wants to do is cradle her in her arms and tell Nayeon that everything is okay. That she's alive and safe and to stop worrying so much about her. Sana feels her heart crack when Nayeon let's out a gut wrenching sob.
"Jeongyeonie, what if Sana.....what if we find her and she's......" Nayeon breaks out into full blown hysteria and all Sana hears are the piercing cries of her best friend. Her soulmate. And it absolutely breaks her.
"Nayeon please.....you need to calm down."
"Nayeon unnie......" Tzuyu says gently.
Sana tries again. The sounds of Nayeon's heart breaking tearing her into two. She takes the biggest inhale in and opens her mouth, ignoring the pain that covers her throat. "Ahhh," is all she can pathetically manage. Stiffened silence fills the bathroom and Sana does her best to regulate her erratic breathing.
Fuck, her body does not react well to alcohol.
"Did you hear that?" Nayeon hiccups.
"Hear what?"
Sana slams her head against the stall, hoping that will get the girl's attention.
"There. Did you hear that?"
She soon hears hurried footsteps and her stall door opens harshly. Sana doesn't even have it in her to open her eyes but she slowly raises her hand, reaching out for her. But her arms don't move either.
Warm hands cup her face softly, inspecting for any injuries. "Why is she not breathing?" Nayeon sputters and she shakes Sana's shoulders violently, trying to rouse her. Sana literally feels her brain swish around her skull and she grunts out in pain.
"Just calm down. She's fin-"
"Stop telling me to fucking calm down!!" Nayeon screams and squeezes Sana tight, making sure she hears a heart beat. Making sure she's still alive. "Sana stay awake for me okay? I'm here now."
"Nayeonie....." she finally manages to gasp out. She registers sweet caresses and light kisses all over her face and Sana feels it in her soul that if she were to leave now, she'd die happy. She knows now that there's nothing she loves more than Nayeon's touch.
"I'm here...you need to stay awake for me okay?" she begs.
Sana feels herself drifting into a deep slumber and staying awake proves to be much more painful than letting it take over.
Oh how she just wants to sleep.
"Sana baby come on, stay awake. Please," Nayeon cries into her ear, body shaking.
It's getting and more difficult for Sana to keep her mind awake. Every word of panic that's spoken around her seems to get softer and softer. Her body starting to turn ice cold.
Why is it so cold?
And slowly, Sana gives up the fight to keep herself awake. It's just too much. She'll wake up soon. She just wants to rest for a little while.
Just for a little while, Sana thinks to herself.
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Nayeon's body goes completely still when she no longer feels Sana's chest rise and fall. Her limp body turning cold in her arms.
"Jeongyeon what happened?! She stopped breathing!!" Nayeon screeches and she hits Sana's cheeks, trying to tap her awake. "Sana!!!? SANA?!"
"Nayeon move!" Jeongyeon takes Sana out of her arms and lowers her to the ground, assessing her breathing. "Tzuyu call an ambulance NOW!"
Nayeon feels bile rise her throat when Jeongyeon starts performing CPR on Sana's petite body. Her body is completely lifeless and lips are starting to turn a blueish hue. She stands back helplessly, shaking her head.
Sana can't do this to her. She can't leave her alone in this world. Sana promised she'd always be there for her. She promised.
Utter chaos erupts all around her as the remaining girls come rushing to the scene, their cries and screams piercing her soul, reminding her that this is real. Sana is actually dying right before her eyes.
Her knees suddenly go weak from the horrific realization and she feels her world close in on herself. Her heart physically clenches from pain and she can't find the right rhythm to steady her breathing.
"Nayeon unnie!" Mina yells out and holds her body upright before she's lowered safely to the wall. "What's wrong?!"
Nayeon looks at her desperately and shakes her head. Her hands grab at her chest repeatedly because she just can't. She can't imagine a life where Sana isn't there. She refuses.
"Just breathe, slowly unnie," Mina coaches but as her eyes scan over to Sana's lifeless body, she almost passes out because Jeongyeon gives her a look she never wants to see. A look that says she can't do anything else. There's no one left to save.
"No... noo...." Nayeon whispers and despite the previous chaos that surrounded them, it's eerily quiet now. The only sounds coming from Jeongyeon, who's still trying her best to do whatever she can for Sana.
"Where the fuck are the paramedics!?" Jeongyeon shouts as she continues to slam her hands into Sana's chest. Tears rolls down her face as each pump on Sana's chest results in an echo of her ribs being broken.
More time passes and Jeongyeon's pace starts to slow down involuntarily. Her face is covered in sweat and she's trying to manage her breaths but it's getting harder and harder for her to maintain her form, fatigue taking over her muscles. "Come on...come on!" she screams to no one in particular.
The door suddenly flies open and Nayeon feels her heart start to beat slowly again when three paramedics come rushing in with a stretcher with medical equipment. "What happened here?" one of them asks hurriedly. Two other men take over and they quickly connect Sana to a defibrillator and continue chest compressions, medical jargon jumping between the two.
"I'm not sure, she was passed out on the floor here. She drank a lot...," Jeongyeon answers.
"No breathing detected."
"Asystole. No pulse."
The lead paramedic looks up us in sorrow, eyeing the flat line on the heart monitor as his partner continues to perform CPR.
"Look, we'll try our best and take her to the hospital. But it doesn't look good. You should be prepared for the worst."
That's it?
Her life is declared over from one measly reading on a fucking medical monitor?
"Wait, that's it?! You haven't even done anything!" Nayeon surges with adrenaline and stands up, fuming with anger.
He gives her a sympathetic look and lowers his eyes, "I'm sorry but statistically, not many people live if they experience cardiac arrest in the field. Even if we do manage to revive her, it may only be temporary. If she doesn't die tonight, she will likely die in the next few weeks."
He gives her a small pat on the shoulder and leaves as the remaining men usher Sana out on the stretcher. He says all that as if he didn't just completely rip Nayeon's heart in two. As if Nayeon will go about her life completely normal after this.
His words wreck havoc in her mind and heart and she no longer finds the will to keep standing. Her vision goes black and all she registers before her mind goes blank are the worried yells of her friends around her.
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