Work Text:
Sasha James was not an idiot.
She was a lot of things one could erroneously conflate with idiocy: idealistic, goofy… Hell, she’d even consider herself fun.
She was not, however, an idiot.
Even still, she couldn’t help but feel like Elias’s choice in Head Archivist was a slight at her extent.
Don’t get her wrong, Jon was her friend. She cared for him. And he was her superior now, and she did respect him. He was not in control over his own promotion. He wasn’t in any way at fault for her stupid, childish feelings.
Yet, she still felt like she deserved that position. His position.
She’d put in her time, she’d done her work. Shit, she’d even done her months in Artefact Storage, coming out (mostly) no worse for the wear. As much as she hated the conditions around the opening of the position, deep down she’d been excited to finally get a chance for her skills to be recognized. She was smart, she was diligent, she was hardworking, she was organized.
She wasn’t good enough.
Tim had insinuated that it was a sexism thing. Jon, after all, wasn’t much of an archivist. He had no experience with archiving, no experience with leadership. All he had was Oxford on his CV and a sour attitude towards the very thing the Institute sought to study. Frankly, she couldn’t see why he was chosen of all people. Maybe Tim’s theory had some credibility, even though it was no fault of Jon’s.
Jon was her friend, though. He specifically chose her as an assistant, meaning he, at least, valued her. She appreciated it. And she would support him through this transfer. He had gotten the promotion fair and square after all. It was the most she could do to help him.
She kept a tab open on her computer, although she couldn’t find the energy or the drive to actually look at it. It was open to job listings, some place maybe she’d find her skills respected, appreciated. Somewhere she may find her way to succeed, to not be second best according to her higher ups. Somewhere else.
But Jon was her friend, and he was the Head Archivist now, her direct superior. And as much as she hated her own feelings about the matter, she couldn’t stop dwelling on her own failures, what Elias had seen in her that ruled her out as a candidate. What he’d seen in Jon, but not her. What she needed to improve, to work harder, to do better. To be better.
Something was stopping her from leaving, some invisible force tying her down there. She chalked it up to her wanting to support her friends, her coworkers. Deep down, she knew she was wrong.
Sasha James was not an idiot, after all.
She would keep the tab open on her computer, and her mouth shut. No one needed to know her doubts, her own worries, her own failure. It didn’t matter anyways.
Because Jon had gotten the promotion fair and square.