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Tim had had enough of Jay’s bullshit for a while, but as a new argument sprouted over Jay’s one word answers to theories regarding a certain freak of nature in the woods, Tim was quickly losing patience with the lack of any real helpful conversation. Jay had been like this ever since he started hotel hopping with him too, this wasn’t a new phenomenon or bad mood, he was just acting cold and distant for no damn reason. This had led to the argument they were currently having, both men trading jabs at the other.
“You just don’t fucking get it, do you Jay?!” They had officially crossed the petty insults line that had been tentatively drawn in the sand to keep the peace, and at this point Tim was ready to stomp through that with some carefully placed insults. At least that’s what he intended.
“Get what?? Use your words!” Jay spit back, rising from his chair.
“Ever since I’ve joined you, you've just acted- like–Like nothing is wrong! Like this hasn’t been the most miserable series of weeks we’ve both had for a good while, like everything is fine!”
He could see the other man bristle at this. “Am I not allowed to try to bring some sort of normalcy to whatever kind of hell we’re living through right now??”
“NO, no you do not get to say that what you’re acting like is normal. It’s robotic! You stalk me, doxx me, and follow me around asking for clues for your shitty detective act, but the moment I join your fucked up little team you act like I don’t need human interaction! What’s with that??” This was not where Tim had originally planned for this screaming match to go. There was no need for Jay to know what he was really feeling, and yet their arguments had started to steer towards that every time one of them raised their voice. He straightened, scowling at his “partner”.
“Wh- I thought that’s what you wanted! We’re stuck together, right? I thought we’d want to see as little as possible of each other, or a-at least…” The taller man’s words started to stumble and he tripped over his pronunciation as Tim’s grimace grew, the furrow in his brow prompting the beginning of a headache. “Listen, we hate each other, right? That’s my fault, I’m aware. I get it but isn’t the space what we.. Like, need? Emotionally or whatever?”
Tim could feel something boiling to the surface, threatening to bubble over in a poor imitation of anger, but he was quickly losing steam in the face of Jay’s inability to listen to anything he said.
“You’re such an idiot. You- I have to get dragged back into one of my worst childhood experiences, get stuck with the fact that we’re both going to die horrible deaths if we sit on our asses, and uproot my entire life that I’ve been trying to build for myself for you of all people, and you don’t even acknowledge what you’ve made me put up with. Do you seriously not think that this wouldn’t have some effect on me? That I’d just deal with all of this without some form of– of something ? Anything??”
He could feel his own vision beginning to blur, his emotions once again acting of their own accord, the words slipping out of his control. Jay had stopped glaring a hole into the carpet and his expression had shifted dangerously to something confused and vulnerable.
“I… I didn’t mean to just. Shut you out, I just- I thought–”
“You didn’t though. You didn’t think at all. Shit Jay, I’ve given up everything to end this nightmare for once and for all, to make sure that both of us don’t end up dead in the woods, I even started to care abou–” Too much. Too much said, too many emotions shown that Jay shouldn’t know about, and not enough of that emotional barrier that Tim had carefully cultivated for himself. He cut himself off there, turning away from somehow the only person left in his life left who knew, really knew, what he was going through, and stomped towards the hotel door. It wasn’t fair. It was too late to take back what he had said but he didn’t care. He didn’t care, just like Jay didn’t care about him. He didn’t, he didn’t, he didn’t.
“Wait, Tim! H-hey you can’t just- Let’s talk about–”
“No, Jay. I’m going out for a smoke. I don’t need your pity,” he retorted, his throat already rough from overuse cracking when he said Jay’s name. Embarrassing. Humiliating really, but who gave a shit anymore.
“No! Will you stop walking away for one second and TALK to me, goddamnit!”
Tim’s retreat was cut short by a sudden tug of his shirt, Jay’s fingers tangled stubbornly in the fabric, trying to drag him back into the mess of a conversation he had made. He fought back, trying to make for the doorway that would lead to the hotel hallway.
“Eugh, can you not?? You’re acting like a dick right now!” Tim tugged at his shirt harder, but Jay had an iron grip on his collar, unexpected for his wiry frame. He twisted in place, trying to wrench himself out of Jay’s grip, but the other man simply followed him.
Tim had enough. He shoved Jay away, one hand on his chest, and the other elbowing him in the gut, trying to ignore the shock and anger flashing across his face.
“Ow?! Fuck you man, I’m just trying to help!” Jay shouted, fighting to regain the breath Tim had elbowed out of him before turning and slamming his shoulder into Tim’s side, knocking his short frame against the wall next to the door.
“Yeah, well this doesn't help! Pick a side, be distant or overbearing but you don’t get to choose both!”
“I’m not trying to be either! Just stop trying to run away!”
The laughter that escaped his throat was harsh and humorless, and Tim could hear his voice climbing to a pitch that most people would label as hysterical.
“How is this running away you idiot!? I ask for a break and you act like I’ve said I’m moving across the country!”
Tim grit his teeth and slammed his body into Jay’s chest with something that looked like a poor imitation of a football tackle, landing on top of him in a mess of elbows and cursing, both men fighting to inflict as many weak punches and slaps as they could to the other and not quite succeeding in doing any lasting harm. They probably looked pathetic fighting like this, all biting remarks and no actual wounds to show for them. Tim grabbed a fistful of Jay’s hoodie and yanked him to his level of not quite sitting, leaning into his space.
“Stop trying to fix this Jay! God! Can’t resist sticking your nose in other people’s business, can you?” Tim growled, adjusting his grip to straddle Jay’s legs in case he tried to kick him again.
“You know that’s not what I’m trying to do! If you’re mad about something just tell me!” Jay spit back, his breathing heavy while Tim could feel his heartbeat pounding through the fabric. They were both clearly exhausted, Tim’s hands beginning to tremble after holding Jay’s body up by his scratchy hoodie.
“You out of everybody I’ve had to deal with can’t say shit about that. You didn’t tell me anything for years! What makes you think you’re entitled to my feelings when you can’t even tell a guy why he’s waking up bleeding out in the middle of nowhere, or why everything he’s been trying to leave in the cold dead past is getting dredged up by an old college acquaintance staking out his doctor’s office! You’ve ruined my life intentional or not, and I’ve still sacrificed so much to help you out! And I honestly don’t know why I did it!” He sat back with a laugh, hands still clenched around Jay’s jacket. He felt that telltale burning in his eyes, and blinked back the blurriness that crept into the edges of his vision.
“I don’t know why I’m still here. In this stupid motel room with a leaking ceiling that I’ve already asked the front desk about like fifty times to fix instead of in my own house where I can pretend to be a normal person who isn’t sitting on a puke green carpet with a selfish asshole. I-I…” He could feel his throat start to close up from overuse and swallowed, trying to look anywhere but the other man’s searching gaze.
“Were you going to add anything else, or just leave it at that?”
Tim huffed a laugh at this, wiping the back of his hand across his face in a halfhearted attempt to control his own traitorous tears. “Shut up, man. Maybe I do leave it like that. Maybe I’ll just pretend like I don’t give a damn about you at all, that don’t I care about you running off to die, or that I’m not scared shitless about– about fucking everything .” He heard his voice break for real this time, a tear streaking silently down his face. He hung his head at this, his fingers sore and shaking from strain and just plain exhaustion. He was so, so, tired. Jay’s silence felt like it stretched for hours even though he could hear the clock in the background ticking away dutifully, counting the seconds until he was either shunned or brushed off as being too emotional for his own good.
“...A good way to not be worried that I’m about to die could be to come with me when I’m running to my death. I could use the help yknow, I do want you here.” Jay shrugged, staring at the wall behind Tim, a slight flush covering his face as he did. “You’re always the one to bail me out of those kinds of situations anyways. And I like being not dead, especially if you’re… Also not dead.”
He lifted his head in surprise, the flush on Jay’s face deepening as he tried to make eye contact with him, but the taller man refused to look directly at him, staunchly focused on a point just behind Tim. He sighed, a stray tear slipping off his face and onto the fabric of Jay's jacket.
“You’re so fucking infuriating, you know that?” Tim snapped, before leaning in.
He was going to be completely honest. The kiss sucked. Either Jay had never kissed anyone before, or he was just as bad at kissing as he was being an actual functional detective, but part of this might’ve been Tim’s fault. Their teeth clacked uncomfortably, Tim leaning in way too fast to actually properly kiss someone, both of their lips chapped and dry from fighting, as well as blood dripping from Jay’s lip from a particularly nasty punch that Tim had managed to land. He didn’t think he cared at that moment though. He couldn’t even believe that Jay was kissing back, the reality of the situation only sinking in as Jay’s hand had managed to find the sleeve of his shirt, nails digging into the fabric and skin of his arm. He pulled back suddenly, relishing the fact that Jay followed his lips before staring up at him completely dumbstruck.
“Uh, s-sorry shouldn’t have just-” Tim cleared his throat, his face burning up for a completely different reason.
“No, it’s fine I just wasn’t. Expecting it, you know?”
“Yeah! Uh, still I’ll like. Ask or something next… Next time?”
“Yeah, next time. Hah.” Jay stared up at him with a stupid expression on his face before wincing in pain. “Could you get off my legs though? They’re going numb.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
Tim sat up with very few of his problems actually discussed but supposed he could put off healthy communication for a little while longer. Why the hell not.