Chapter Text
The sunrise had never felt quite so unwelcome.
Sanemi's feet were planted in place, as they had been for who knows how long despite the shudders running up his legs that urged him to collapse. His eyes were wide and unblinking, unable to tear away from the gruesome sight before him. A destruction he had created.
Blood flowed steadily down his arms and face, dripping onto his lips and staining his cheeks with its warmth. If it was his own coloring his pale face crimson, he couldn't feel the wounds. He couldn't feel much of anything. It was like the world, the universe, had narrowed down into a single moment. One that ran like a broken record in his mind, stuttering and replaying over and over. Sanemi was both breathless and heaving for air, exhausted yet twitching with pent up energy.
His mother. His wonderful, selfless, beautiful mother, lay dead at his feet.
Sanemi could faintly feel his fingers pulsing around an object held unforgivingly tight within his hand. He couldn't send the necessary commands to his limbs to release whatever he was holding. He wanted to, it felt sticky and hot. It made him want to vomit. Sanemi's searching gaze took in everything he could of his petite mothers unmoving form. She still looked like the woman who hugged and rocked him on nights he had nightmares. She was still the woman who's features Sanemi always looked for in his own face. But her teeth were a little too large for her mouth. Her blank eyes empty of any pupil or color besides a bleeding red.
Sanemi shifted hesitantly, the first real movement he'd made since his mother fell to his hand under the pulse of the sun.
“M-Mama-?”
A scream echoed through the air. Like the snap of a taut string, Sanemi went rigid in horror. He couldn't bring himself to look upwards and towards the source. Tears which he had previously ran out pooled once again, yet refused to fall. Sanemi was in stasis, locked in time as the world tilted on its axis around him.
Genya, his baby brother, wailed a broken sound as he threw himself upon their mothers prone form. Genya’s voice had always been high pitched and cracking with youth, but his distress only amplified the agonizing noises that pulled sharply from his throat.
“Mama! Mama!” Genya screamed, holding her as close as he could even as rays of sun began to flood over the roofs of buildings. “H-How could you! Mama wake up! Please!”
Sanemi could feel pressure building within his throat, aching sharply as he staunched his own wicked cries. The brief thought flashed across his mind to turn and leave, to give Genya the grace of never having to see his mother’s murderer again. To disappear and let everyone forget he existed. Yet just as quickly as it came, Sanemi stamped it down with a fury at himself he hadn't known possible. Instead, Sanemi stumbled over to the two of them, grip finally releasing that wretched bloody weapon. It landed with a solid thunk and caused a flinch to jolt Genya backwards, trying to drag their disappearing mother with him. His brother stared up at him with terrified eyes, tears falling like an endless stream down bloody cheeks. It stung to see Genya look at him in such a way, even if he knew it was deserved.
At that same moment, Sanemi realized with a jolt that Genya was hurt, a solid slash present across the bridge of his nose and stretching to his cheek. Dropping next to him despite Genya's breathless little sobs to stay back, Sanemi gently took his little brother by the shoulder and pulled him to his chest. Sanemi gripped Genya, even as the pup began to pound his fists into the elders chest and sides, hitting wounds he'd forgotten about until now. Sanemi took it all in stride and held tight, no matter the terrible words he knew would haunt him flowing from Genya’s mouth. Regardless of how his body was slowly beginning to pulse in pain.
Their mother was nearly gone between them, but Sanemi didn't let his brother look. He likely hadn't seen her altered features in the same way Sanemi had, he needed to keep her memory pristine for him.
“I hate you! I hate you s-so much! You killed her, you killed Mama! M-Murderer, murderer-”
Sanemi closed his eyes even as tears clinging to his white lashes finally dropped. He shook and shuddered, an impromptu whine being pulled from his lips when Genya scratched at his shoulders. Still, he refused to let go. He wasn't sure if he could bear to look at Genya’s devastated expression, full of so much sorrow and fury. Holding onto his sobbing baby brother was the only thing reminding him he needed to remain strong, for the both of them.
Whether it be for his own sake, Genya's, or simple instincts that drove him; Sanemi attempted to purr. It was a broken, stuttered thing at first, which only brought back memories of his mothers own comfortingly strong one. His mother had tried to teach him how to sooth with a purr and control the noise when need be. Even though she was always so terribly busy, she always at least tried to let a purr rumble in her chest for Sanemi to mimic before he rested for the night. To his credit, Sanemi practiced on his own. Since his early presentation, he'd worked hard to help his mother in any way he could. It wasn't common to present at his age, usually coming a few years later. His mother had fretted nervously over this fact even though she tried to mask it with gentle words and praises. Sanemi had been unsure what she was so afraid of, but he abided by whatever new rules she set regardless.
It was a simple mercy that his father was long dead when Sanemi presented as an Omega. He was hesitant to think what the man would've done upon learning of this rare, yet stigmatized, dynamic presenting within his eldest son. He'd certainly heard the murmurs to his mother from other women about how she should get him working to help support her. That was the first time Sanemi ever saw his gentle mother snarl and lash out, running a deep scratch across the younger lady's face and sending her scampering away.
She shook afterwards. Whether it be from fury, adrenaline or fear, Sanemi didn't know. Yet she still turned around and bundled him up gently like he was a young pup, lifting him to carry back home. He felt a little silly but melted into her embrace regardless, attempting to mimic that purr she had just begun to teach him. She was clearly upset, he didn't know why but he wanted to help anyway. When her breath hitched on something that sounded like a sob, Sanemi only forced himself louder. She kept her arms wrapped tightly around her pup. For despite his weight and height, his Mama carried him with ease. She was always so strong.
When they got to the door of their little home, Sanemi paused to tell her he wouldn't mind helping to bring money home. It was an innocent response, yet his mother tensed. Gently setting him down and cupping his cheeks, eyes with long lashes just like his own stared earnestly at him.
“You're still a child my darling, I won't have you getting any form of job right now. But you must promise me, that no matter who tries to convince you or buy your favor, you won't let anyone ever use you for your dynamic.”
Sanemi had tilted his head, a little baffled at the connotations, yet swore his agreement regardless. She had smiled, a relieved yet sad thing, and ushered him inside before the rain gathering in the sky started to fall.
Blinking his eyes back to the present when that almost rhythmic hitting slowed to a halt, he found himself baffled for a moment before numbly realizing he had gotten lost in his own mind. Cautioning a quick glance down to the bundled up pup he found he could only see disheveled hair from this angle, but Genya seemingly gave up his fight to release himself from Sanemi's hold. Instead, little arms came to wrap around his back and fastened tightly. Genya pressed his face into his chest, ear laying flat where his feeble attempted purr was the strongest. He hoped it reminded him of their mothers.
It was quiet for a few minutes, save for the disjointed and pathetic attempts at a purr. Sanemi kept it up as long as he could, even when his chest filled with what felt like static for forcing it this long. Sun beams caressed them gently, warming Sanemi’s back and illuminating his pale hair. It was a gorgeous morning.
Tilting his face downwards to place his chin on the top of Genya’s head, Sanemi could barely choke out an “I'm so sorry-” before his voice gave in on itself and shuttered to a halt.
Genya didn't say anything in response, Sanemi didn't expect him to.
They remained where they were for who knows how long, but Sanemi was aware that the time was approaching for when they'd have to vacate this area. He was drenched in blood, though some had evaporated, and Genya had wounds that needed tending. With people beginning to rise, Sanemi knew they'd have to get off the street lest they wish for an unwelcome officer to drag them off. A resolve ignited within Sanemi. He knew what happened to kids who had both parents gone, to siblings who desired nothing more than to stay put but found themselves dragged apart regardless.
Sanemi only had Genya left in this world. He knew his other little siblings were gone, he had seen the destruction with his own eyes when he burst back into their home. Throats slashed, stomachs gouged, chests torn. There was no way any of them survived. Perhaps some would say it was a small mercy how quick they all went, Sanemi couldn't see how any of this could be considered merciful.
Teiko, Hiroshi, Sumi, Shuya, Koto… they deserved so much more life than what they were provided. He should've gotten there sooner.
Slowly, Sanemi's purr stuttered to a halt. He couldn't keep it up any longer, not when the tightness in his throat returned alongside his desire to scream. Carefully and with much struggle, Sanemi pulled them both to their feet. Genya still held him near painfully tight, his prior fury either forgotten or momentarily released in the face of desired comfort. It was difficult to maneuver him but eventually the younger was instead tucked into his side. Sanemi's eyes flicked downwards to the bundle of clothes that were once his mothers. They were blood stained and torn to shreds, as much as it pained him he'd have to bundle and toss it.
Shakily plucking it up while keeping a hand pressed to Genya's head so it stayed turned away, Sanemi's lip quivered as they started the dreaded march back to their house. No words were exchanged on the journey as Sanemi stumbled and tripped over his own feet and Genya numbly followed. The only thing keeping him both upright and sane was the consistent pressure of his only remaining family member at his side. Sanemi led them through small alleys and shortened routes to lessen the time spent walking and avoid any bustling roads full of waking civilians. He knew these shortcuts by heart, he didn't need any real awareness to lead them home.
Genya occasionally sniffled on their walk, all the while Sanemi could feel his clothes steadily drying now that the sun had risen. Some blood already evaporated, that had belonged to his mother. And yet there was a concerning amount that remained. Sanemi still couldn't feel his face and he walked hunched a little as there must've been some form of injury administered to his torso. The shoulder that wasn't supporting Genya twinged as well.
Sanemi carefully drew his eyes over to Genya, attempting to assess if he possessed any injuries that needed immediate tending. His face was crimson with blood, but only a single cut seemed to be the cause. Regardless, it was deep and painful looking. He walked normally, if not slowly, and only leaned inward so he could stand closer to his brother. Sanemi’s shoulders sagged in relief as he came to understand the only one truly wounded was him. Good, that's how it should be.
Their home was in view now.
The two brothers paused in tandem, breath hitching. Sanemi was the one to eventually move. Stepping out of Genya's hold, he gripped him by his shoulders and leaned down to meet his eyes; just as his mother once did.
“I'm going inside.” His voice was blank and felt distant, he barely recognized it was him saying these words. “I need to get medicine for you and clothes. You.. you should stay outside. Stay by the door.. p-please.. please don't leave.”
He nearly gasped the last sentence as the air in his chest left him in an instant. He wouldn't blame Genya if he went to law enforcement, if he dragged them here to place his brother in cuffs. He just didn't know if he'd survive it.
Genya’s eyes widened at his plea, mouth opening to say something but Sanemi had already turned around and stumbled the remaining distance to the torn up entryway. He didn't give himself any time to reconsider nor prepare himself, if he did he'd have likely never been able to lift his feet to enter. Instead, he practically fell inside, his only saving grace being the wall Sanemi was able to catch himself on. He hadn't gotten a clear look at the destruction before, he wished it had stayed that way.
His little siblings, his mothers pups, lay strewn about on the ground. Empty eyes bore into the ceiling, at the walls, at Sanemi. The boy nearly threw up when his gaze locked with Teiko’s unseeing one. He couldn't stop the whimpers and whines rising in his throat, instincts polluting his mind, instincts urging him to call out for help that wouldn't come. His keening whine pitched higher as Sanemi let his eyes wander across each one of his siblings.
Sanemi decided in this instant, red was his least favorite color.
Breath picking up pace to a near panicked degree, Sanemi found himself barely able to pick his feet up as he dragged himself to where they kept clothes and supplies. He knew what he had to get, where to get it and what to do. He knew they'd have to leave their siblings without a proper burial. Sanemi would've easily thrown himself in their places a hundred times over, yet fate dictated he must live while his family became eviscerated around him.
“Nii-chan..?”
A voice, Genya's, echoed from between walls. Sanemi whipped his head around in a panic, praying he didn't re-enter. Much to his relief, Genya's little head was turned away yet leaned against the window. Like he wanted to be as close as possible to Sanemi yet couldn't bear to bring himself back to this horror house.
“Nii-chan? D-Do you…a-are you.. do you need help?”
Sanemi shook his head before realizing Genya couldn't see the movement. “No.. I'll.. I'll be right out, just let me-”
He turned to move further inwards and his words stuttered to a halt. Oh.. oh Koto. He was the youngest of them all and something shattered inside Sanemi to see that fragile body limp and stained crimson. Biting his lip, he finished his sentence as he pushed further in.
“...Let me just grab what we need.”
Sanemi knew if he stopped moving there would be no getting up for a long time. So instead, he hurriedly grabbed the three Komebukuro bags in their possession. They would have to serve further than their original purpose dictated as where they were going wouldn't be any festival nor shrine.
Sanemi packed the first and largest of them with as many clothes as he could find. Making sure he has a decent enough variety, warm and light, Sanemi decides they're durable enough to last them for a bit. Sanemi’s hand lingered over one of his mothers favorite haori's and tsumugi kimonos. He would have no real use for them, they'd just weigh him down. Yet all Sanemi could picture as he stared at them was his mothers radiant smile when she first spun around in the new Kimono, giggles like bells when her children clapped excitedly for her. Of how she took comfort in the haori, often tucking it into her nest when the urge hit her.
He almost reached to touch the fabric but hurriedly stepped back when he saw his hands. Sanemi crouched to scrub at them hurriedly in a nearby basin, pointedly directing his gaze to the side so his peripheral didn't catch sight of any of those crumbled little bodies. Sanemi decided that as much as he didn't wish to linger, it'd likely be best to clean up and change privately while he could. The boy practically tore the once white clothes off his form and threw them into the corner with a ferocity that burned hot.
Panting harshly, Sanemi clapped hands now stained a faint pink over his mouth to swallow his sobs. He couldn't stop and break, not yet, he had things to do. Grabbing a rag and dunking it into the bucket, Sanemi rubbed harsh circles into his skin till it burned. Slowly the dried blood chipped off till only a dull color remained imprinted in pale skin. Rifling for clothes that would serve him well, Sanemi quickly pulled muted colors. Consisting mostly of whites and blacks, he paused for a beat to glance over a loose haori his mother got him long ago. It was well loved and still big on him, colored a gentle blue with winding white seams. His mother always loved that color.
Without a second thought, Sanemi pulled the haori over his shoulders. He was cleaner now. His facial wounds had stopped bleeding and luckily he suffered no real damage anywhere else. Some serious bruises would form and ache but in the end he truly got off easy. Deciding it best to wrap his face while he had a mirror available, Sanemi trudged over to the counter his mother busied herself in front of every morning. Blinking at it, the boy tilted his head in faint confusion.
It hit him all at once that the person who stared back at Sanemi was himself, not a stranger.
The boy's eyes were bloodshot and rimmed red, a haunted look seemingly stapled in the place of where once gentle smiles rested. Sanemi looked like a ghost, like a corpse. He reached up to hesitantly brush a finger over his cheek, to confirm it wasn't a strange trick of the light. Flinching away from his own hand when his cheek pulsed in agony, Sanemi narrowed in on the deep slashes across his face. Carefully removing the blood that covered them, whimpers tumbled from his lips at the pain which finally made itself known. When the cloth pulled back Sanemi got a view of three major wounds. One ran from his right cheek, over his nose, and to about halfway across his left cheek. A humorless thought crossed his mind that he and Genya would've matched if his own cut was shorter. Resting above his eye was a cut that almost looked like an ‘X’. And finally, even higher and nearing his hairline, was a solid jagged mark. They congregated on the right side of his face which would make wrapping easier.
Cleaning them as best he could with the liquid his mother used to dab on herself or her children after an encounter with his father, Sanemi screwed his eyes shut and pressed through the harsh stinging without complaint. He knew he should've done more, that it'll scar rather terribly if he didn't try to stitch it, but Sanemi was too tired. Wrapping spare bandages around his face with a grimace, Sanemi was luckily able to leave his eye uncovered so it wouldn't hinder his sight.
He packed the rest of the medical supplies, shaking returning full force once he had to continue searching their home. The second bag held their medical stuff, any money he could scrounge up, and the meager food in the cupboards. It was haunting all of these items could fit inside one small Komebukuro. Now that he was finally clean, Sanemi hurried over to neatly fold his mothers clothing and place them inside the first bag. Something buried within him told Sanemi he needed to bring these items with him, even if they were useless and only took up space.
In the third and final bag, Sanemi placed two knives wrapped in cloth and full water skins. He was able to fit a few extra items he knew Genya would want too. He knew his brother was embarrassed by how attached he was to the stuffie his mother gave him as a toddler, but Sanemi refused to leave it behind. Genya would appreciate that fact one day, so the little black cat plush became carefully tucked inside. He picked up the only framed photo that existed of them all, minus his deadbeat dad. Their mother had earned an extra wage that day and herded them down to a local photographer. He'd complained at the time about having to dress up, but now all Sanemi felt was gratitude. Finally, he tucked in a full soap bottle, matches and hair brush inside a rolled up blanket. It was a tight fit, but Sanemi made it work.
Looking over the three packs, Sanemi hesitated now that it was truly time to leave. Turning to face his fallen family, Sanemi bit his lip with baby canines.
“Teiko, Hiroshi, Sumi, Shuya, Koto.. I'm so sorry.” He whispered, knowing he'd never get the chance to do this again. “I'm sorry your big brother wasn't here to protect you, I should've done better. Now you're gone, and it's all my fault.” His voice caught on a sob but he kept speaking.
“I love all of you so, so much. I loved listening to you talk about what you wanted to be when you grew up, Teiko. Your aspirations always aimed so much higher than mine. I loved watching you make friends with anyone you came across, Hiroshi, because no one could ever say no to your kindness. I loved brushing and braiding your hair, Sumi. You always were so patient when I messed up. I loved how brave you were Shuya, you always stood up for Sumi when those girls were being mean. I loved how sweet you were, Koto, how you smiled so brightly for all of us.”
Sanemi screwed his eyes shut, a keening whine accompanying the next words uttered. “Please forgive me for being so useless when you needed me. For letting this happen and not coming sooner. Me and Genya have to go now.. but I'll always be with you, no matter what. I know Sumire-sama next door will do right by your burial, I'm so sorry I can't be there to send you off.”
Sanemi blinked wet eyes open, tilting his head up and taking a breath through his nose. “I'm s-so sorry, I'm.. I'm-”
Hurriedly picking up the bags, Sanemi practically tripped out the doorway in his rush outward. His breath came harsh and heavy, like he'd ran a mile with weights tied to his legs.
“Nii-chan..?” Genya seemingly hesitated a moment before shuffling over to his brother, hand hovering unsurely over his shoulder.
“I'm fine.” The words were empty and hollow, paired with a final sniffle. “Let me dress your cheek quick.”
He nodded quietly, giving Sanemi permission to wash and wrap up the injury. It was easier than doing his own and faster too, Genya hissed and squirmed at the antiseptic but didn't complain. After a few minutes, Sanemi pulled back and cast a worried glance around. It was almost the time that people would flood the streets. Genya's worried eyes followed him as Sanemi secured two bags over his shoulder, like a pack, before handing the lightest to the younger. He took it without question, gaze flicking between Sanemi’s eyes and the bandages circling his face.
“We have to get going Genya.. do you think you can make it out of town?”
Genya nodded instantly at his brother's words and grabbed his hand before Sanemi could react. Shock was blantantly on display across the elders face, before his gaze softened and a watery smile minutely quirked his lips.
“Okay.. follow me.”
Sanemi led them across the street for a moment, crouching in front of Sumire-sama's door to slip a written and folded note underneath. Quickly rising back to his feet, Sanemi tugged Genya along beside him. He forced his gaze forward, even if the further he walked from their home the more knots tied within his stomach. He knew Genya had turned his head to watch their residence slowly disappear from his view, Sanemi simply couldn't bring himself to do the same.
He moved on instinct alone, faintly recalling a quiet path he'd once found that led out of their bustling town. Sanemi allowed his feet to guide him, mind both too empty and overly loud at the same time. He tried to plan out their next moves, aware that a ten year old and six year old traveling alone was bound to raise suspicion. He also needed to also further look into what happened to his mother. Sanemi heard prior through word of mouth of beings known as ‘Demons', yet never truly pushed past surface level knowledge. He’d have to give his mind a harder nudge to recall exactly what old man Rin-Sama told him.
Falling back into logic was all that kept him moving, he had to be strong for the both of them.
Sanemi could hear the occasional whimper or quieted sniffle at his side, but Genya seemed to have run out of tears for the time being. He'd never heard his little brother this quiet, usually there was always a bustle of energetic excitement around him. It was foreign to see him in such a state. Sanemi himself tried not to let his warring emotions get the better of him. There was a time and a place, and now was not it.
Their family already lived on the outskirts of this bustling place, the lower ring as many called it. It didn't take much walking till the houses and buildings became sparser as greenery steadily increased. Sanemi knew, in a general sense, where they were going. This road was fairly straightforward and only winded through the forest at one point in the journey. He'd traveled it prior with his dad, an uncomfortable and tiring adventure that ended with tears. Blinking away memories of the past, especially ones concerning his father, Sanemi tugged Genya's little hand along.
“I know there's a cave we can rest in later on.. we just need to walk for a bit though.” Sanemi sent a hesitant look towards his little brother, unsure how the pup felt about speaking to the elder when he didn't initiate it himself.
Genya turned his tired eyes up to Sanemi. Neither had slept the night prior, waiting for their mom to get home. Now that morning had dawned and their lives changed so drastically the brothers had no time to pause and rest.
“...okay, I can walk.” He murmured with a resigned nod of his head.
Sanemi knew he was tired. Tired and hurting. He felt the same way but was aware he had to give the impression of being as strong and stable as possible, regardless of any exhaustion and inner turmoil. The young Omega was the elder here, the one Genya would turn to for support and stability. He knew his mom would want him to protect his one little sibling left. Sanemi nearly flinched when she came to mind, for the thought of his mother left a harsh stinging behind his eyes. It was a pain he refused to acknowledge right now, lest the dam holding every pent up emotion shatter and engulf Sanemi entirely.
They padded along at a consistent pace which aligned with the exhaustion felt. Mental and physical trepidation merged into one, the concoction resulting in foggy brains and blank eyes. Sanemi tried to keep his mind active for the both of them, Genya deserved time to distance himself and think even if it was while walking. Sanemi wasn't stupid, he knew how dangerous it was for two children to be wandering alone, especially one whose presented dynamic was uncommon and lusted over. The boy's jaw clicked as he ground his teeth together. His mother warned him of dangers in that gentle yet honest way of hers about a week after he presented. His mom did her utmost to respond to any questions she could, even if the answer found wasn't always pleasant. That included preparing him for a world that failed to be perfect in so many ways.
His mind drifted to and fro as feet blistered by so much walking dragged along the dirt path. He had no real consistency in his thought pattern, simply drifting wherever his mind led him so long as he didn't touch the dark pit in the center. Occasionally Sanemi would shift his eyes, quietly checking their surroundings. Genya's hand remained a consistent weight in his own, reassuring the boy that his brother was still with him.
The dirt path was rather empty, though that was to be expected for the early morning hours. He was quietly thankful no one was here to prod them with queries or drag them to the local authorities. He knew how they looked, haunted and damaged, but Sanemi refused to let anyone take care of Genya except him. It was his duty, the last one he had, Sanemi was not about to let anyone separate them; at least not without one hell of a fight. He couldn't fail again. Even if Genya hated him, he wouldn't let himself fail his little brother.
Time passed in a blur.
Sanemi would occasionally cast a glance at the sun's position in the sky. The day was luckily cloudy so the heat wasn't suffocating, but the Omega feared it would rain soon. The taste of an incoming storm rested heavily on his tongue and urged the boy to find suitable shelter. They had just broken into the wooded path after who knows how long spent walking. From here, Sanemi’s memory kicked into gear. He steered the two of them off the trodden path as the first sprinkle of the sky's tears fell upon their heads. The boy refused to let them be caught in a storm and thus picked up the pace.
Genya had said nothing when Sanemi moved off the beaten road and remained quiet as rain fell. He didn't even complain at the hurried pace. The boy's silence was beginning to worry Sanemi. His brother had never been a huge complainer, but it would only be natural for a child to whine and gripe about the uncomfortableness of their situation. The white haired boy cast an occasional look his brother's way. Genya’s eyes were transfixed on the ground with his head ducked down, simply watching his feet as they shuffled along. Sanemi’s expression displayed his concern yet Genya never looked up to see it morph.
Finally, after another few hurried minutes spent speed walking, Sanemi spotted the tucked away cave with a relieved sigh. It was a solid spot to rest for the night, quiet and hidden with a decent amount of room to stretch out. Nudging Genya in front of him, Sanemi sent one last glance at the sky before following. Genya blinked as the lighting shifted, glancing back to Sanemi in confusion.
Sanemi hesitated at the entrance, aware firewood needed to be collected now before it became drenched and unusable. “Genya, I need to collect firewood. Could you stay with our packs for a few minutes?”
Samemi wasn't sure what reaction he was expecting from Genya. Perhaps ire, or maybe a sullen look. What he was not prepared to see was the burst of visceral fear splashed across his face.
“Don't go!” Genya cried out, surprising even himself with the ferocity he spoke those frightened words. Quieting to a more manageable tone, he murmured. “Please… please don't leave.”
Sanemi could feel his resolve diminishing with each pleading blink sent his way. Hesitating, the boy’s shoulders dropped in resignation. “Okay.. you can come with me to help carry some, just leave your pack away from the entryway.”
Sanemi directed Genya where to drop his supplies, finally placing his own down and easing the tension felt in his aching shoulders. They silently stepped outside after securing their items, Sanemi leading the way through the slow drizzle. It was bound to pick up soon, so the need for kindling was dire. Directing Genya to search for twigs and branches, Sanemi set off in a hurried race to find dry grass and leaves. The rain hadn't touched some areas covered by bushes and trees so Sanemi was able to snatch up what was needed, he truly lucked out. The boy kept the younger within his field of vision at all times and as the rain began to pick up, he herded them both back into the safety of the cave.
Creating a fire was easy enough, especially with the matches he'd been intelligent enough to remember. Soon, warm crackles could be heard mixing with the harsh winds and lashing rain muffled from outside. Yet with everything accomplished, silence invaded. The boy's sat next to each other, Genya practically boneless while Sanemi remained stiff. Now that they had stopped moving, Sanemi didn't know what to do with himself. He chanced a look at Genya, unsure if they should talk about what happened or not. To the elders' surprise, his brother was already watching him tiredly.
“I'm sorry nii-chan.”
Sanemi jolted as the silence which permeated was broken by a few simple, yet ever important, words. Blinking dumbly, Sanemi didn't possess enough cognitive thinking at the moment to say anything other than, “..huh?”
Genya shifted his gaze away as his bottom lip wobbled. “I'm sorry I said all those mean things… that wasn't really Mama, was it?”
Sanemi was quick to sober up and shift closer, slowly wrapping an arm around the trembling pup. He gave him time to move away but the boy simply leaned in further.
“No.. no it wasn't Genya. Do you remember what we heard from Rin-Sama who lived down the street?”
Genya gave a noncommittal hum. “That his sister was killed by a.. a..” he fumbled over his words for a moment, lacking the right description. “Monster?”
“Mm, almost, he said it was a Demon…” Sanemi took a steadying breath, preparing for what was bound to be a difficult conversation. “Rin-Sama told me that they were creatures that only came out at night and were once human. He said that they ate people for food and that the only way to kill them was with a special sword.. or the sun.”
Sanemi tucked the younger pup further into his side, both to disguise his own shaking and as preparation to comfort when he uttered his next words.
“When I went looking for mom I wandered for a few minutes, but something told me to come back home. I saw this shadowy figure at the door.. I wasn't fast enough to stop it from.. from..” Sanemi's throat closed up, but he pushed forward. “..from hurting everyone, but I grabbed our neighbor's machete that he leaves out and tried to help. It.. mom.. slashed me a few times, but for some reason she slowed down once I was bleeding. I don't know why. But it gave me the opportunity t-to fight back.. it was the sun that made her stop moving, but I was the reason she couldn't run away.”
Sanemi was too nervous to look at Genya, unsure how he'd react. He was as honest as he could be, now it was up to his brother to form his own opinions.
“Mama was a demon?” Genya whispered, disbelievingly.
“Not always.. she was turned into one.” Sanemi corrected almost numbly.
Genya’s little arm came to wrap around his big brother's side, returning the half hug with force. “..Thank you for saving me Nemi.. I'm really sorry.”
Sanemi choked down a broken sob, tension flooding out of his body in one great wave. His head was tilted skyward to dissuade tears from falling. Eventually, he was able to force out. “I'd never let anyone hurt you. I'll always protect you otouto.”
He could feel Genya nodded against his side, breathing which had picked up in anxiety prior now easing into a tired rhythm. “I'm tired, Nemi..”
Sanemi hummed, glancing down at him once he was sure he'd fought back his emotions. “Wanna rest?”
He received a sleepy nod in return. Slowly detangling himself from Genya’s grippy little arms, Sanemi pulled out the warmer blanket and black cat plushie he's ever so thankful he remembered. Setting them near enough to the fire to feel its warmth but not too close that cinders would fall, Sanemi directed his exhausted brother into the best bed he could provide. He sat himself down by the boy's sleeping area, running a careful hand through his matted hair just like their mother used to.
“It’ll be okay Genya, just sleep.” Sanemi hummed softly, exhaustion slowly nibbling away at him as well.
Continuing to comb through black hair with his fingers, Sanemi forced his purr to stutter into action. It was still difficult to maintain it when he felt anything but relaxed, yet the effect it had on the younger pup was instant. Genya sagged into his blanket, arms tightly wrapped around the well loved cat plush. He may have murmured a response to Sanemi, the elder truly couldn't tell. But as the minutes ticked by and Genya's breathing evened out, Sanemi sagged in relief. He was resting, he was okay, he didn't hate Sanemi.
He let the ministrations and noise continue for a little longer to assure his brother was truly asleep. Yet now that he had no one left to pretend for, it became terribly difficult to keep his emotions shoved down. As his purr stuttered for the third time, Sanemi finally decided to slowly push up to his feet. He kept his pace light and soft as he padded closer to the entrance. Giving a quick glance behind him to make sure Genya was still asleep, Sanemi stepped out into the elements.
He didn't walk for very long, unwilling to move too far from the cave. But he needed to make sure he wouldn't be heard, at least he had the storm on his side. Wind snapped bitingly cold as his cheeks and rain slashed his eyes. Sanemi relished in the pain it brought. He paused in the clearing him and Genya first searched for sticks in, making sure to check behind him one last time for any signs of movement. Assuring himself he wouldn't be found nor heard, Sanemi’s breathing inadvertently picked up pace till only harsh gasps pulled from his lungs.
He was alone.
He could break.
With a mournful, despairing, gut wrenching scream, Sanemi finally frayed at the seams
He couldn't remain standing any longer, folding in on himself as he dropped to his knees. The wind muffled his throat shredding shrieks, and even out of his mind with grief Sanemi was thankful for it. Wails merged with the storm like the vocals in a song of agony. Sanemi could barely breathe through this all consuming anguish, he didn't want to. He deserved whatever brutality this world wished upon him. He'd accept it with open arms, any and all forms of punishment were on the table. All except death, for he couldn't do that to Genya.
His blunted nails clawed at his arms, digging and leaving irritated lines in their wake. He mourned for all he lost, all he could've protected, all he killed with his own hands. Sanemi pitched whines gave display to the purest form of his distress. Whines that begged for help, for protection, both of which he'd never receive nor deserve. How could fate be so cruel, how could such pure souls be destined for such a short destiny? How come Sanemi was allowed to live, when his mother and little siblings were not? How was that fair?
As water soaked into his clothes and muddled itself with his tears, Sanemi could do nothing but wail. Wail for all he lost. For what would never come back. For what he did do those he loved him most.
For in the end, there was no one left to blame but himself.