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“I love you,” Chanyeol whispers, his breath tickling Kyungsoo’s jaw as he leans closer, wanting to kiss him for the nth time this day. The night is still so young, the stars barely visible, but they’re already intoxicated with their passionate love—a best-kept secret in the eyes of the world. “Fuck, I love you so much it’s killing me slowly.”
(Kyungsoo wonders if they will die one day from how hard their love suffocates them from the inside.)
As Chanyeol explores his jaws and neck with his lips, Kyungsoo wonders if he should risk it all. But between the two of them, Kyungsoo is always the one with more rational thoughts, while Chanyeol always operates with his feelings. However, in times like this, Kyungsoo wishes he has more courage to defy his rationality and chase after what his heart wants, no matter how impossible it seems.
When Chanyeol is done mapping the moles in his jaws with kisses, Kyungsoo grabs his neck and his lover looks up. There is a glimmering hope in his eyes that Kyungsoo is desperately holding onto and sometimes he wishes Chanyeol will never let it die down. Because between the two of them, Chanyeol has more courage than him.
Kyungsoo leans even closer, his lips hovering over Chanyeol’s yet he doesn’t grant him the taste of bitterness hanging upon every inch of his mouth. Instead, Kyungsoo stares right into his eyes, trying to get lost in them. Chanyeol scoots closer, making himself more comfortable on the sofa as he handles Kyungsoo on his lap.
The outside world is buzzing with life as the night slowly greets Maine, bringing a chilly wind that pierces through their souls. They can still hear people talking outside, drowned by the sound of romantic songs playing beautifully; Kyungsoo can faintly hear How Long Will I Love You instrumental version—Baekhyun’s favourite.
When Kyungsoo finally grants him a chaste kiss, the words stumbling from his mouth later take Chanyeol by surprise. “I always imagine us getting married like they do,” he says with a hushed voice, just above a whisper. If he is not careful enough, he’s afraid the wind will blow it away and Chanyeol won't catch it. “I had countless scenarios I made before bed about how I would stand next to you in front of the officiant, having our own wedding.”
Today is a whirlwind of emotions, if Chanyeol dares to say. They went to Franklin County just to attend Baekhyun and Jongdae’s wedding. It is rather a long journey, but Baekhyun is Kyungsoo’s best friend so he cannot not be there for his wedding. For this wedding alone, Baekhyun and Jongdae choose a resort near Millinocket Lake and Katahdin Mountain—a perfect, intimate place to stay and have a wedding. Today is a happy day for them all; Kyungsoo’s smile never falters even for a nanosecond upon seeing how blissful the newlywed couple are, but of course—of course something is gnawing inside his heart that he cannot possibly ignore.
The jealousy of wanting the same damn thing for him and Chanyeol.
Getting married.
“But we cannot, can we?” Kyungsoo asks, each syllable brings a different kind of heartbreak he cannot recover from. “We cannot have a life like theirs, cannot have the freedom of calling you mine, cannot have the chance to kiss you in front of the officiant.”
Because after today, Kyungsoo knows they will go back to Seoul, living their lives as Doh Kyungsoo the popular actor and Park Chanyeol the famous idol. They cannot go back to Seoul bringing a new identity as a married couple, because—
Because…
“It’s impossible, right?” Kyungsoo laughs but it feels hollow, and Chanyeol just tightens his grip on his waist, a gesture that reminds Kyungsoo of security that at least he is still here now. “We will never get married like they do.”
Chanyeol senses Kyungsoo’s whole facade starts to wither away, judging by how he tries so hard not to let his lips tremble, and oh—the lips that always taste like nectar now seem to know nothing but poison because in each word that stumbles, he perishes. Chanyeol exhales a ragged breath; he brings his hand to Kyungsoo’s face, his thumb caressing his cheek. A gesture so gentle because in the world of brutality, Doh Kyungsoo is only meant to experience compassion.
Park Chanyeol’s words are strong, they serve as an anchor that Kyungsoo desperately clings to. With a voice that matches the tenderness of a kind mother’s hug, Chanyeol offers his love laced with solace through his words.
“In my head, I have married you countless times. I married you in that late autumn the first time you said yes to be my boyfriend—that I said my vows in silence, to give you my heart that it no longer belonged to me. I married you the second I tasted your lips, I offered you in silence my promise of forever because at that time I didn’t know how to navigate my life without you. I married you the moment I woke up with you in my arms, a morning I could never possibly forget; I prayed that this universe never allowed me to leave your side.
“I have married you every single time I laid my eyes on you, Doh Kyungsoo. I have married you, your soul, your past and your future. I have offered you a lifetime of smiles or tears because I don’t know another way of finding happiness if not with you. I have married you in my mind, I have bound our hearts together, and I have given you my soul to hold.”
Kyungsoo’s shaky breath is like an earthquake to Chanyeol’s heart, and as his lover leans his forehead against his, Chanyeol thinks his last wall crumbles down. “But do you want to, Kyungsoo?”
The darling in his lap struggles to let his words out, so he frowns. Chanyeol picks up his confusion and asks again, now clearer this time. “Getting married for real. In front of the officiant and all. With—well, maybe not with our families, but our friends surely will attend, won’t they?”
“Chanyeol—”
“If you ask me to marry you, I will,” he says, hand travelling to Kyungsoo’s neck as he brings him to a kiss—like he wants to seal his promise with that, should Kyungsoo say yes. “I will abandon the world and run to you if that’s what you ask me to. Because nothing is worth more than your love and a lifetime with you.”
Kyungsoo laughs heartily, his eyes twinkling and turning into crescents oh so beautiful it makes Chanyeol’s heart ache and his heart-shaped smile steals his breath away. It’s a genuine laugh, as if Kyungsoo finds his proposal amusing. It’s always at the tip of their tongues, you know… the marriage proposal. Should one of them say yes, both of them are ready to fly abroad and get married, leaving their life in Seoul behind. But of course, they know it’s just wishful thinking so no one ever dares to ask the question.
Now it’s all out in the open and even though they both know the answer will hurt both of them, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol feel their hearts get lighter.
“We wouldn’t,” Kyungsoo answers, carefully, as if one wrong word would shatter them both beyond repair. He threads it slowly, choosing words in his head first because that is how everything works with Park Chanyeol—he replays it in his head first. “We wouldn’t do that, right? We… our lives… Chanyeol, please tell me marriage is just a piece of paper and two rings…”
Chanyeol’s expression crumbles when he looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes and sees the unmasked despair there, caught in the middle of a thunderstorm that is ready to spill as tears. Chanyeol says nothing but repeating Kyungsoo’s words. “Marriage is nothing but a paper and two cheap rings, much much cheaper than the world I’d offer you, my love.”
Chanyeol sees a smile creeping onto Kyungsoo’s face and he feels like a huge rock has been lifted from his heart. He wants to make it bloom—gosh how much he wants to make him smile forever—so Chanyeol continues, “With or without us saying the vows in front of the officiant, I have dedicated my remaining days on earth to love you and care for you. The only difference between us and Baekhyun and Jongdae is that they will fight and have a reason to call it a marriage problem.”
That makes Kyungsoo laugh and it is so infectious it draws the same laugh from Chanyeol as well. When he feels Kyungsoo’s whole body relax, Chanyeol whispers a soft I love you which draws the same confession out of Kyungsoo. The lover in his hold snuggles into his embrace, getting cosy leaning his head on Chanyeol’s chest, where he can hear his heartbeat steady.
They stay like that for a moment, basking in silence as the world around them pauses. There is a grand feeling in nothingness like this, with Kyungsoo in his arms, safe and (hopefully) content. What more does he want? He has the whole world in his embrace now, doesn’t he?
The clock shows that it’s almost midnight, fifteen minutes before a whole day rolls in and it means that they have been in that position for nearly an hour. Chanyeol can feel his thighs aching, almost losing their senses, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care when Kyungsoo looks so serene in his lap, eyes closing peacefully. Outside, the world starts to fall asleep and he can no longer hear the music and people’s chatter—meaning that the after-party has ended.
Chanyeol is about to let them stay in this exact position—sore legs be damned—when something catches his attention. As he turns to the left side, he sees the wind blowing the window curtain and a glimpse of light seeping through it. Chanyeol squints his eyes, trying to catch a better look at what’s inside. There’s no way Baekhyun and Jongdae are having a fireworks party too, because the light is blinding and it stays and looks like a sunset—
Oh god.
Chanyeol’s eyes widen as he realizes what it is.
It is the famous aurora borealis.
Softly, he nudges Kyungsoo’s sleeping figure, getting a little too impatient because Kyungsoo needs to see this. “Soo, love, wake up,” he says, trying to wake him up by planting little kisses on his handsome face. “It’s aurora borealis. You need to see this.”
He senses Kyungsoo shift a little, so he urges him to open his eyes and he does. When his lover is finally awake, Chanyeol whispers to his ears, “I’m sorry, love, but I’d hate it if you miss this. Look at that.”
Kyungsoo lifts his head, blinking rapidly and trying to adjust his vision in the dim light. He turns to where Chanyeol’s finger is pointed; he lets out a gasp upon seeing the beautiful green light decorating the dark sky. Chanyeol chuckles upon seeing Kyungsoo’s glee and he cannot help but to plant a peck on his cheek.
Kyungsoo’s gaze comes back to meet Chanyeol’s and then, like a lightning bolt, stands up and almost falls on his butt after sleeping in a sitting position for a while. Luckily, Chanyeol’s hand snatches his waist and they both giggle before Kyungsoo grabs his hand to go outside.
Seeing the aurora borealis this close feels like a fever dream, but seeing Kyungsoo’s teary eyes and gleeful expression watching the northern lights feels like heaven. Chanyeol feels he will be content watching Kyungsoo instead of watching the aurora.
“Chanyeol-ah, it is wonderful!” he laughs like a child having his toys for the first time, and it ignites something inside Chanyeol. “Look, we get magenta colour there, too! Oh, and a dash of purple as well! Oh my god, I can’t believe this is real.”
Chanyeol’s smile widens as he listens to Kyungsoo praising the beautiful northern lights, telling him how he never thought he could see them in real life. When his boyfriend is busy praising the beauty in front of him, Chanyeol quickly fishes out his phone from his pocket and snaps some beautiful pictures (of Kyungsoo, of course, but then he knows Kyungsoo will be sad if he doesn’t take a picture of the aurora so he asks the petite male to pose for him with aurora borealis as the background). He ends up taking five videos and 34 photos, but most of them are just Kyungsoo’s.
“But where is everyone?” Kyungsoo asks as they sit on the grass, still marvelling at the sight before him. “Baekhyun would be devastated if he misses this!”
“They probably passed out after partying. They’re kinda wild with the dancing and singing.”
Kyungsoo giggles and nods, knowing damn well that last night they went all out. “Then we have this moment for ourselves.”
It’s that time when Chanyeol realizes. His brain never clicks so fast as he thinks of what he should do to complete this moment. But after Kyungsoo says that—
Chanyeol gets up off his feet and Kyungsoo follows his every gesture. The latter then furrows his eyebrows as Chanyeol scrolls his phone and plays a song that is so familiar, a little too personal, in the highest volume. Chanyeol locks his phone again and places it on the ground. When he offers Kyungsoo his hand, the love of his life cannot mask his shocked expression. “Well,” Chanyeol murmurs, “May I have your dance, Mr Doh?”
Kyungsoo’s laugh is beautiful—it’s freeing, it’s joyful, and it fuels Chanyeol's life with happiness.
Chanyeol’s phone plays the instrumental version of Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. It’s Kyungsoo’s… song. He had told Chanyeol before that if they ever got married for real, he would use this song to dance with him, and they would spend his lifetime finishing the dance while this certain song was being played in the background.
When the music rolls in and Chanyeol gets a hold of Kyungsoo’s waist as his hands rest comfortably on Chanyeol’s shoulders, he can see aurora borealis dancing in Kyungsoo’s sparkling eyes.
Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Kyungsoo’s chaste kiss on Chanyeol’s lips welcomes their dance tonight. It feels like a promise, a vow between two people holding so much admiration and dreams of each other. The future is theirs, and they begin to dance.
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Beneath their barefoot feet, Kyungsoo feels the grass tickling and it sends shivers down his spine. When he looks up at the sky, it feels magical, but once his eyes meet Chanyeol’s gentle gaze, he instantly melts. How can such a strong gaze contain so much tenderness and love it’s all overflowing?
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that suit
“You are such a terrible dancer.” Kyungsoo laughs and Chanyeol fakes a frown. In their seven years together, Kyungsoo is always the better dancer, but that doesn’t stop Chanyeol from accompanying him on the dancing floor, because he just wants to hold Kyungsoo and spin him around. Basically a love fool—and Kyungsoo appreciates that. “I should teach you to dance more often.”
“We have a lifetime for that, love.”
It’s beautiful, you see, how a promise of forever flows so naturally. Maybe love is supposed to be this liberating. Maybe it’s supposed to be this simple yet grand, gentle yet solid.
Kiss me beneath the milky twilight
“Do you enjoy the aurora borealis?”
Chanyeol smirks and places a quick peck on Kyungsoo’s chapped lips. “I prefer watching you ogling the aurora instead.”
“What a silly man!”
It’s easy. Loving and admiring each other is so easy. “But I am your man,” Chanyeol answers wholeheartedly, his hold on Kyungsoo’s waist tightening. “Completely, assuredly, wholeheartedly yours.”
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
“In my head, I’m marrying you now,” Kyungsoo whispers. He steals a kiss from Chanyeol, and the latter is completely stunned when a smile so beautiful blooms on Kyungsoo’s face. This amazing kind of a man has stolen his confession. “In my head, I just said yes to be your forever man.”
The violin of the instrumental song plays as a harmony for their love story, and Park Chanyeol is in awe.
Slowly, he stops dancing and Kyungsoo’s smile falters. But before the latter can ask, Chanyeol beats him to it by asking him, “Can I make a proper vow?”
Chanyeol knows Kyungsoo understands what he’s saying, judging by his dilated pupils and blush decorating his cheeks. So he waits—he waits until Kyungsoo’s heartbeat is steady. When Kyungsoo nods, Chanyeol’s eyes have gotten blurry from tears but he doesn’t let them fall.
He holds Kyungsoo’s hands, looking at him with so much tenderness it makes Kyungsoo’s heart ache with unmounted love.
Lift your open hand, strike up the band
And make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling
“Mr Doh Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol begins, his heart thumping inside his rib cage but his gaze is firm and certain as if he cannot be more sure about this, as if he’s born to do this—to marry him. “I vow you a love that will never stop giving, a sanctuary of warmth and peace in my embrace, a family that is only you and me, from this day it shall only your name I cry out in the night,” he winks and Kyungsoo laughs; trust Park Chanyeol to tease him in the middle of marrying him. “And into your eyes that I smile each morning.”
Park Chanyeol prepared it a long time ago. Two years into dating Doh Kyungsoo, he had thought of marrying him, but it felt like an impossibility, so they never brought it up. They knew, though, that if there was a chance, they would marry each other. These last five years Chanyeol had thought about the vows and he told Kyungsoo about it once upon a time. They fell into a rabbit hole, trying to pick wedding vows that suited them and decided on one.
Chanyeol memorized it just in case, because he knew any second he’s ready to marry Kyungsoo. He memorized Kyungsoo’s as well, just in case he forgot—Kyungsoo was always known to have a memory of a goldfish, anyway.
When he gazes into Kyungsoo’s eyes and sees the tears, though, he knows Kyungsoo has it memorized as well so he continues in a heartbeat. “I shall be a shield for you back as you are for mine, no shall a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance. Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honour you…” he pauses, taking a long breath, and Kyungsoo’s still smiling his cheeks ache. When the next words fall perfectly, effortlessly from his lips he can see Kyungsoo is whispering them too, "through this life and into the next.”
Kyungsoo looks so proud when his boyfriend finishes his vow; he takes a deep breath before saying his. He looks like he can cry anytime now, but he holds it back, not wanting to pause this sacred moment for both of them. They have waited forever to do this, and while it’s not a normal wedding, he knows it’s what they need—a wedding where their souls are united.
“I vow to love you from the moment I open my eyes until I close them, and even after that, in my dreams, I will always love you. I promise to always fight with you and for you, never against you.” Kyungsoo’s lips tremble upon realizing what it means—it’s all so real now. It just dawns on him that these vows will start a new life for them. He’s marrying the love of his life. He’s going to spend a lifetime with the man in front of him, navigating life with him no matter what happens.
Tears are flowing from his eyes and Chanyeol raises his right hand to wipe them away. Without a sound, he whispers I love you and Kyungsoo gets the courage and strength to say his next vow. His favourite bits.
“May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death, because I couldn't live a day without you.”
The aurora borealis still illuminates the happiness radiating in their faces and Chanyeol can see the yellow colour flashes on Kyungsoo’s eyes, creating a sunset on its own. The dalliance of wind gusts chilly and it reminds them of the early days of autumn when they first met. Kyungsoo’s body shakes a little upon feeling the cold and Chanyeol breaks into a burst of laughter. “Maybe it’s the universe's way of saying you may kiss your man.”
Kyungsoo seems to agree with that and welcomes him into a kiss, so warm and comfortable just like their first one.
So kiss me
“I love you,” Kyungsoo whispers, his lips hovering above Chanyeol’s. The night is no longer young, the stars visibly decorating the aurora borealis, and they’re already intoxicated with their passionate love—an announced oath in the eyes of their world.
The music stops playing and they end their dance, but their love remains.
Hopefully until the end of time.
fin.