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It was the fourth of July, Tony had thrown a huge party, claiming they needed to celebrate America's star spangled man. Everyone was gathered on the roof, eating food much too fancy for the fourth of July and waiting for the fireworks to start.
Bucky's eyes scanned the crowd but couldn’t find the one face he wanted to see most. He's noticed himself watching her lately, his eyes drawn to her whenever she enters a room. Her smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he was captivated by the way her eyes lit up when she was happy. She was just so positive and bright all the time, it made him nervous, he wasn’t used to people being so kind to him, he didn’t know how to react. Like the rest of the team, he didn’t know her very well but god did he want to, wanted to be the one to make her laugh, he wanted to be the person she was smiling at.
He was broken from his thoughts as Steve approached him, wearing an American flag t-shirt in lieu of his original Captain America suit from the 40s Stark had forced upon him. “She’s not here,” he said teasingly and Bucky cursed Steve for being able to read him so easily, but mainly himself for being so transparent. He decided not to retaliate and merely replied “Why not?”
“She never comes to this party,” Steve said, like that explained anything. Bucky gave him a look telling him to go on and Steve sighed. “She doesn’t like fireworks.” Bucky furrowed his brow. He hadn’t expected that, why wouldn’t the perfect happy Y/N like something as pretty as her?
“She doesn’t? Why?” Steve stared at him, contemplating something and Bucky got worried. What could be so bad that Steve didn’t want to tell him?
“It’s the loud noises,” Steve admitted. “She-she had a rough past. Banner says it’s a symptom of her PTSD. It’s why she wears those ear plugs on missions, for the gunshots." Bucky just stared at him shocked. He couldn’t think. As usual his first reaction was anger.
“Why is she in the tower if she'll be scared? Why is Tony putting on such a big show? Why is no one helping her?” he exclaimed frantically. Steve placed his hands on Bucky's shoulders, trying to calm him down.
“Bucky, relax. Please. She’ll be okay,” He glanced around to see if anyone had noticed Bucky's outburst but everyone was busy mingling. Bucky felt like his heart was breaking. “I just- she never-”
How could he not know about this? Why did she never talk about it? He tried to think of a time he’d seen her sad or scared. He thought of the times her smile seemed dull and forced, when her eyes didn’t sparkle like usual and he cursed himself for not noticing, for not asking if she was okay.
“I know Buck, she doesn’t talk about it. Not with anyone. Tony knows a bit because he recruited her but she’s never opened up."
Bucky had never hated himself more. how could she be so bubbly when she had been through so much? What must she think of him, closing himself off and moping constantly when she had been through such pain herself. He wished he could help her, erase all her pain and make her truly happy, but what could he do?
Bucky immediately started, Steve's hands dropping from his shoulders as he quickly walked away. “Wait Buck! Where are you going?” Steve called, his voice worried. “To find her.” is all Bucky said before disappearing into the tower.
He immediately went to her room, praying she was there and safe. There was no reply when he knocked on her door and he became concerned. Swinging open the door, he called out her name, but the room was empty. He looked around frustrated and nervous. Where could she be?
Moving to leave at the sound of fireworks exploding Bucky started to walk away when he heard a faint whimper. He searched the room frantically, his gaze zeroing in on the closet. Being careful to walk slowly not wanting to scare her he approached the closet. Another firework went off causing a sob to escape from the closet, he couldn’t stop himself from opening the door. What he saw made his heart drop.
Y/N was curled up on the floor of her closet, her face in her knees, body wracked with sobs. She slowly lifted her face to look at him, revealing her red eyes and tear stained face. Bucky's heart broke into a million pieces and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and never let go. He offered her a weak smile instead, not sure if she was okay with physical contact.
“Hi” he said softly and her face remained blank as she reached up to remove the large headphones she’d been wearing and he realized she couldn’t hear him. She didn’t say anything, her breath still uneven and shaky so Bucky tried again. “Y/N… come to my room” Her face went from fearful to confused and Bucky hurried to explain. “It’s soundproof. You won’t be able to hear them.”
She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip before slowly nodding. Another firework went off and she jumped, diving into Bucky's chest and sobbing harder. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to cry himself. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, kissing her forehead before lifting her up and carrying her to his room.
When they reached his room he quickly shut the door and told Jarvis to soundproof it. He gently placed Y/N on his bed and turned to close his curtains. When he looked back at her he cursed to himself. She looked slightly better but was still silently crying and shaking. Slowly approaching, he gently lowered himself on the bed next to her and hesitated.
“Can-can I hold you?” He asked cautiously and she looked up slightly, her sad eyes meeting his. She nodded again and shyly moved closer to him. Bucky pulled her to him, being gentle but desperate to comfort her. He leaned his back against the headboard, Y/N curled against his chest sitting between his legs. He held her as she shook and his heart ached for her, bending to kiss her head again.
“It's okay doll, you’re safe. I've got you, I won't let anything happen to you.” He held her closely as she cried, repeating that she was safe. They sat like that for a while until Y/N”s tears subsided and she eventually pulled away, wiping her eyes. Bucky reached over to the side table and handed her a tissue, quickly replacing his arm around her waist, keeping her close. He wasn’t ready to let her go and he wasn’t sure she was either. They sat in silence for a while, Y/N wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. Then she looked up at him, his eyes scanning her face worriedly.
“Why,” She paused, her voice soft and scratchy from crying. She looked conflicted, though Bucky couldn’t figure out why. “Why is your room soundproof?”
“Oh, uh well,” Bucky stuttered, suddenly self conscious. “It’s the nightmares, I get uh, loud” She stared at him for a moment and he began to worry he had ruined everything when she finally spoke. “Oh. Do you think Tony could soundproof mine?” She was still quiet and timid but the conversation seemed to distract her from her fears. Bucky was glad to get her mind off it.
“I’ll make sure he does. I can’t believe he hasn’t done so already.” He tried to conceal the anger behind the words. How could Tony know this about her and not do everything in his power to help?
“Okay, that would be nice” She smiled ever so softly and Bucky couldn’t help but grin in return, glad to see her relaxing slightly. He pulled her into his chest again, wanting to feel her warmth and mumbled into her hair “You can stay here tonight though,”
“Why are you helping me?” She asked, her voice so small and sad that Bucky felt pained. He allowed her to pull back slightly but kept her very close, his hands moving to cup her cheeks, taking the opportunity to study her face. She had teared up again, her gaze revealing a deep loneliness. At that moment Bucky knew he would spend the rest of his life trying to make her happy. His thumb reached to wipe away the newly formed tear as he searched for the right thing to say.
“I care about you.” He admitted, his voice so soft he could hardly believe it came out of his mouth. She stayed silent, her gaze still sad and empty. He went on, desperate to show her how much he cared about her.
“I like your smile and your laugh and your eyes, I like everything about you really. I look forward to seeing you everyday and I'm upset when I don't. All my nightmares recently have been about losing you and when I saw you crying today it broke my heart. All I want to do is hold you in my arms forever and keep you safe.”
Her expression had changed but Bucky couldn’t read it. He had no idea what was going through her mind. He tried to switch tactics. “I know you’ve been through some bad stuff. I think you should try to talk about it, it doesn’t have to be me, it doesn’t even have to be a person. But I think talking about it would help.” She looked down at her fidgeting hands still placed on Bucky's chest.
“I don’t think anyone’s ever truly cared for me” She admitted, her voice breaking. She refused to meet his eyes so he gently tilted her chin up to face him. “I do,” he insisted. Her eyes nervously scanned him.
“Let me in, doll. Let me love you.” He pleaded with her. Fresh tears burst from her eyes and Bucky panicked, but then she did the unthinkable. She threw her arms around him and nestled her face into his neck, her tears wetting his shirt. He hugged her with equal fervor and swore he would never let her go.