Archive of Our Own

Buck has never thought much about the afterlife. He's sort of theoretically Episcopalian, at least in terms of upbringing, and he went to church as a kid, but Heaven and Hell had always seemed so intangible. It was hard enough to motivate himself to behave well in the months leading up to Christmas just because he wanted presents; the idea of an eternal reward if he was good enough on Earth was way too abstract to build his life around. And Hell, well, that just seemed like a shitty deal for everyone. He can't get behind the idea of eternal torment with no hope of salvation.

Really, though, if he's honest, he's not sure he believes in any of it. There's a large part of him that thinks you probably die and that's it. No bright light, no choir of angels (or demons), just the end. Nothingness.

Which is why it's such a surprise when he not only dies at age twenty-five, but goes to Heaven.

Obviously, he doesn't immediately realize that's what happened. At first, it just feels like he's waking up from a deep sleep, which he apparently had on a couch, because he's sitting up, but not on the couch at his current place, because he doesn't feel any springs digging into his ass. Some foreign, surprisingly comfortable couch.

His eyes flutter open and he sees a bright green wall with white writing on it: Welcome! Everything is fine.

Weird energy from the wall, but okay.

"Evan Buckley?" says a man, sticking his head out of a door next to the everything is fine message. He is definitely not the kind of person on whose couch Buck normally crashes. He's middle-aged, probably late forties or early fifties, white, with a pleasant smile and the vibes of a middle-school vice principal.

"Uh, yeah," says Buck, looking down at himself. He's half expecting to find he's dressed for a job interview, but it's just his normal sleep shorts and a t-shirt. He scrambles to his feet. "Sorry, I'm not sure what--"

"Come on in," says the man. "I'll explain everything."

Buck follows him without quite knowing why. Mostly, he doesn't have anything else to do, and he does want an explanation. He's not anywhere he recognizes, and he feels like he got roofied. Maybe he did. Maybe this is a cult. It feels kind of like how a cult might be.

"Have a seat," says the man, gesturing at a chair in front of his desk. It does feel a little like being in the principal's office, but at least when that happened, he usually knew why. And he was, you know, in school. The firefighter academy doesn't have a principal. He's like 95% sure.

"Thanks. What am I doing here?" he asks slowly.

The man smiles, but it's the kind of smile that feels sorry for you. The kind of smile that says you didn't get the job or it's not you, it's me. "Well, you're dead."

"Dead?" Buck echoes.

"Sorry. I'm sure that wasn't the news you were hoping for."

"Yeah, uh--that doesn't sound real."

"Not a believer in the afterlife?"

"Not like this. I thought it was, you know, clouds and wings and harps. Or fire and brimstone. Depending on where I ended up." He snaps his fingers. "Oh, is this purgatory? Honestly, I can see purgatory looking like an office building. That checks out."

"You're not in purgatory. But this also isn't your final destination. This is just an intake on your way to your neighborhood."

"And is my neighborhood more clouds and halos or…?"

"You're in the Good Place."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks?" he tries. "I assume there's a Bad Place too."

"There is."

"Thanks for bringing me here, then."

"I didn't bring you here as a favor, Evan. You earned your spot."

"Buck," he says, because that's easier than trying to wrap his mind around the idea that he earned Heaven.

"Pardon?"

"I actually go by Buck. Not Evan."

"I will make a note of that," says the man, and then actually does jot it down in his file.

"So, um, are you God or an angel or…?"

"Oh! I'm sorry. Should have introduced myself. My name is Bobby. I'm an afterlife architect."

"Architect?"

"Think about how many humans there are. One single afterlife could never provide all of them with what they want. So the Good Place is divided into small neighborhoods, and each neighborhood is customized for its residents. You and your soulmate were assigned to my neighborhood."

"My soulmate?" Buck asks.

"It's paradise, Buck," he says, with a small twitch of his mouth. "Love is a part of that."

"Isn't that, um, an earthly desire or something?"

"This isn't Christian Heaven. None of the human religions got everything right. And having a soulmate isn't just about earthly desires, as you put it. It's about having a person you can depend on, a partner. Someone who will be there for you, no matter what."

For a second, Buck's breath catches with want, but then he gets kind of distracted with the logistics of, like, why he's breathing and what the deal with his body is right now. The logistics of the afterlife aren't anything he ever thought he'd have to worry about, and he guesses he doesn't have to worry now either, but he doesn't know how to shut off the part of his brain that wants answers.

"Buck?" says Bobby, like it's not the first time.

"Uh, sorry," he says, flashing a smile. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking if you wanted to come and see the neighborhood."

"Yeah," says Buck. "Yeah, sure."

Bobby holds the door for him, which isn't a great plan because Buck doesn't know where he's going. The hallway is uniformly bright green, with no real indication for how to get out, or even what else is here. How much administration does the afterlife need?

"This way," says Bobby, taking Buck down the corridor to the left, out of a door and into bright sunlight.

The neighborhood looks a lot like his neighborhood in LA, which is kind of a letdown. It's not that Buck doesn't like LA, but it's weird to see Heaven--or the Good Place, whatever--as a bunch of tall, tightly packed buildings. It's cleaner than LA, at least, and less crowded, but there's something weird about that too. There are all these perfectly pleasant people walking around, chatting, and Buck wonders how long they've been here. Is he the last to arrive? Did these people die around the same time as he did, or a lot earlier? Are there, like, really generous cavemen who are wandering around, trying to figure out how indoor plumbing works?

If the neighborhoods are customized, he probably wouldn't be in the same one as a caveman. Which is a shame, because that sounds really interesting.

"Is there, like, an exchange program?" he asks Bobby.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, this neighborhood seems really cool so far, but I'm just wondering if I'm allowed to visit other ones. Are they divided by country or is it more kind of personality-based? And time period! I assume everyone who's ever died is here, I would love to see what a neighborhood for, like, the Incas looks like."

Bobby stares at him for a second. "Why don't we get you settled in here first, huh? Maybe in a couple hundred years or so, we can talk about you visiting some other places."

"A couple hundred years?" Buck asks, his jaw dropping. The longest he's lived anywhere since leaving Hershey is less than a year, and while he had a good feeling about LA, he'd had a good feeling about a lot of places.

He can't imagine living in the same place for ten years, let alone centuries.

"This is your home for the rest of eternity, Buck. Trust me, you're going to love it. Here, let me show you around."

Buck tries to pay attention, he really does. And it's not like the neighborhood isn't nice. It's basically the best possible version of a city, but as a perfect afterlife, it's still just kind of underwhelming. They could be anywhere, but he's still apparently going to live in a one-bedroom apartment for the rest of his existence. It's nicer than his last place, more space, bigger bed, way nicer bathroom, no roommates, but…

Well, Bobby did say that the Good Place wasn't exactly like Heaven. So maybe Buck needs to try to get away from the idea of eternal paradise and adjust his expectations. He's going to have a good eternity, which is way better than having a bad one, right?

Or maybe he just needs some time to adjust. Maybe it's going to feel better once he's gotten some sleep and had some alone time to grapple with the fact that he died.

"Hey, uh, how did I die?" he asks Bobby.

"It's not important."

"Of course it's important. I died."

"It's important that you're dead. I don't think the specifics of how it happened matter very much. You lived a good life, that's why you're here."

"And I had a bad death?"

Bobby makes a face. "I didn't say that."

"Yeah, but if I was, like, pushing an old lady out of the way of a car or something, you'd definitely tell me that. Or if I died as part of my training, somehow. Even if I was sick! So there must be a reason you aren't telling me, and it's because it was a bad death."

"You were smiling at a woman who was walking the other direction on the sidewalk and fell into an open manhole," says Bobby. "I assumed you'd be happier thinking you passed away peacefully in your sleep."

"No, I'm still happier knowing," he says, even though he's cringing. It does sound like how he'd die. He can't really argue with that part. "So, uh, what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What is there to do here?

"Whatever you want. This is your afterlife, Buck. You can do anything."

"Except go to other neighborhoods to see what they're like."

Bobby smiles. "I promise there is plenty for you to do here."

"And, uh, my soulmate? You said I had one, right?"

"You do! Actually, I need to get going for his orientation. But we'll come by when we're done, I'll introduce you. Welcome to the Good Place, Buck!"

He's gone before Buck manages to get out a single, confused word: "His?"

*

Buck's not really sure if he's allowed to leave his apartment. Obviously he can, physically, but Bobby said that he'd be back with Buck's soulmate, so if he leaves, is he going to miss them? Bobby could probably find him. Probably whoever's in charge here always knows where he is, which isn't actually comforting. Is Heaven a surveillance state? That feels wrong. Then again, God was supposed to be all-seeing, too. Why would He be less all-seeing in Heaven?

There is a big binder on the island in his kitchen that's the same green as the walls in the office where he started, and on the cover it has the same Welcome! Everything is fine message on the front, so Buck settles onto one of the stools and flips it open.

No offense to Bobby, but the binder is a lot more useful than he was. It has a FAQ section that includes things like "what kinds of activities can I do in the Good Place?" and "if I want a job can I have one?" He doesn't see "can I visit other neighborhoods for fun?" so apparently that's not frequently asked, but "can I see my friends and family?" catches his eye.

Buck doesn't have any dead friends or family he'd like to see yet, but Bobby said he'd be here for centuries, at minimum, so it's only a matter of time before he does. It's a weird sort of thing, to be kind of excited for people to die, but maybe he can see Maddie again. Doug is definitely going to the Bad Place, so he won't be around.

Then, he actually reads the answer to the question, which starts with "Statistically speaking, all your loved ones are most likely in the Bad Place," and it doesn't get better from there. The binder tries to spin it in a positive way, like Buck should be grateful he's so special and good, and not feeling deeply uncomfortable about the fact that most people are suffering.

He flips through a few more pages, looking for "what's it like in the Bad Place?" but apparently that's not frequently asked either. But at the end of the FAQ section, there's a full-page ad for something called Ravi, the neighborhood assistant who will, apparently, answer any other questions he might have.

"Ravi?" he says, per the instructions, and there's a bright bing of sound to his left.

The guy looks exactly like the picture in the binder: black hair, dark eyes, brown skin, sweater vest. The only difference is that his smile is a little less huge and bright. Still, he sounds cheerful when he says, "Hi, how can I help you?"

"Uh, can you tell me about the Bad Place?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Is it really bad?"

"You're in the Good Place. You don't need to think about that."

"Yeah, but the binder says most people aren't. Am I supposed to just not care? That most people are somewhere terrible?"

Ravi considers this. "Yes. You're supposed to just not care."

"Seriously? Like, dude--"

"Not a dude," says Ravi.

Buck blinks. "Oh, sorry. Are you…nonbinary? What are your pronouns?"

Ravi looks taken aback. "He and him are fine. But I'm not human. I'm not a guy or a man or a dude or any of those."

"Okay, I will keep that in mind."

"Is that all?"

Buck wants to ask more about the Bad Place, but Ravi doesn't seem inclined to talk about it. "Do you know where I am at all times?" he asks.

"Me personally?"

"You did appear out of thin air when I said your name."

"I know when you say my name. I could find you if asked. But I'm not constantly aware of your location. Why?"

"Bobby said he was bringing my soulmate. I wasn't sure if I had to wait here or if I could go somewhere else and he'd find me. Hey, do you know anything about my soulmate?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me?"

"No. Personal information about other neighborhood residents isn't accessible."

"That's probably good. I wouldn't want anyone else to look me up either." Still, he can't help adding, "Do you know why he's a guy?"

"Either he was assigned male at birth and hasn't changed it or decided he wanted to be at some point in his life," says Ravi, like this is obvious. Which it is, but it's not the question Buck meant to be asking.

"Yeah, but…" He sighs. "Never mind."

"Cool," says Ravi, and disappears with the same tone that sounded when he appeared.

Buck realizes he never actually answered the surveillance question, but that can probably be an issue for another day. He can just stay here for now, waiting for this mysterious male soulmate of his. It's not like…well, there's nothing wrong with his soulmate being a guy. And Bobby said that it wasn't about sex, and maybe even not about romance? Which is kind of a letdown, but as long as the guy is cool and Buck likes spending time with him and he really is a partner, maybe Buck doesn't need romance. It's not like he's ever had it before, anyway. And it's hard to imagine he'll be able to have a lot of casual sex in Heaven, but he can still jerk off.

Then again, is it really the Good Place if he's never getting laid again?

He goes back to the binder and finds the section on soulmates, which isn't very helpful. Mostly it's just the same things Bobby already told him, but with glossy pictures of happy, mostly heterosexual couples laughing and smiling at each other. There is a paragraph about how not all soulmates are romantic, but then it moves pretty quickly into I was married when I was alive and don't feel ready for a soulmate, what do I?, which does seem like it would be weird.

Everything is pretty weird, Buck decides. But that's probably inevitable, right? It's like when he was a kid and he begged and begged his parents to take him to Disney World, but they never did, and then he went on his own a few years ago, and it was cool and all, but it didn't really live up to the idea he had in his head. And once he'd let go of the idea that it was a literally magical place that would have saved his family if only they'd gone, he'd enjoyed it a lot more.

Of course, the Good Place is magical, but Bobby already explained that it's not like Heaven. So it's fine. Really. The afterlife can be like Disney World, and he'll still have a perfectly good existence.

For the rest of time.

He's enjoying opening the fridge and finding different things in there based on whatever he's thinking about when someone knocks on the door, and his heart immediately lodges itself in his throat. It doesn't have to be his soulmate, but he doesn't know who else would be coming to visit him right now. He hasn't met anyone else yet.

He lets out a breath and opens the door. Bobby is there, flanked by a guy about Buck's age with brown hair and brown eyes, dressed in fatigues. He is attractive--really attractive, actually; the more Buck looks at him, the hotter he gets--but he doesn't look particularly thrilled about this situation either.

"Hey, Buck," says Bobby. "How are you settling in?"

"Uh, good. Great!" he amends, feeling guilty for only being good, even if it is just the Good Place, not the Great Place. "I read the welcome binder and met Ravi."

"Glad to hear it. This," he says, gesturing to the unenthusiastic guy, "is your soulmate, Eddie."

"Uh, hey," says Buck, offering his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Sure," says Eddie, which isn't particularly encouraging. But he does shake Buck's hand, so that's something.

"Eddie, your apartment is right next door, at least for now. I assume at some point, the two of you will want to move in together."

"Uh, maybe," says Buck. "But you know, next door neighbors is good for now. Right?"

"Yeah!" Eddie immediately agrees. "Exactly. Next door is great."

"Great! Then I'll leave the two of you to get acquainted. But there is a welcome gala tonight in the community center, so I will see you there. Seven p.m. sharp."

"Why is there still time here?" Buck asks.

Bobby and Eddie both give him a look; Bobby is the one to say, "Because we still need to know when to do things, Buck. I'll see you two later."

They both watch Bobby until he disappears into the elevator, and then they're alone, and Buck feels even weirder. Why is the primary emotion he's feeling in paradise weird? There's definitely something wrong with him.

"I'm not gay," Eddie says firmly, which doesn't actually help.

"Oh, yeah. I'm not either. But the binder said soulmates can be platonic too, so I guess maybe we're just supposed to get along? Like, really good friends."

Eddie visibly relaxes, his stiff expression easing into a sheepish smile. "Sorry. I didn't mean to come in all--I just didn't want you to get your hopes up."

Buck's not sure he believes it, but it's an easy lie to let Eddie save face, so he might as well go along with it. "Yeah, of course. I was worrying about the same thing."

Then there's an awkward silence, which feels like it shouldn't happen with his soulmate, but also how could it not?

"Do you want to go check out your place?" Buck offers.

Eddie rubs his mouth, looking about as stressed as Buck feels. Maybe they're soulmates because they both heard they'd gone to Heaven and immediately got in their heads about it. "Honestly, I don't know what to do. One minute I'm in Afghanistan and the next…"

"Afghanistan?"

He gestures down at his outfit. "I was in the army."

"Oh, yeah, duh. Thank you for your service?"

Eddie snorts. "You don't need to thank me."

"I thought about joining the SEALs, but it wasn't for me."

"I didn't have much choice," Eddie says. "Just out of high school, pregnant girlfriend, no job prospects."

Buck feels all the blood leave his face. "You've got a girlfriend? And a kid?"

"Ex-wife. And a son."

It's probably better than having a current wife and a son, but it's kind of staggering nonetheless. Eddie might be a year or two older than he is, but not much more than that. And he's already reproduced and gotten a divorce. It sounds so fake.

"Do you want a beer?" he asks, finally.

Eddie looks intrigued. "Is there beer here?"

"I'm not sure. So far, every time I open the fridge, it's had whatever I want in there, but I haven't tried alcohol yet. Which is actually kind of surprising, now that I think about it."

"Guess we probably should check, huh?"

Buck has to smile. "Guess we should."

*

Eddie Diaz seems like a pretty cool guy, Buck has to say. He relaxes by degrees on Buck's very comfortable couch with a bottle of beer, and they trade facts about themselves. Eddie is only a few months older than he is, from Texas, killed during his third tour in Afghanistan, which he only went on because his wife asked him for a divorce during his second. She took their kid and went to California, and Eddie just stayed in the army out of a lack of anything else to do.

"I get why she did it," Eddie says, elbows on his knees as he looks at his beer. "She told me she needed me to be there for her, and I wasn't. And her mom was sick. I gave her full custody and kind of spiraled. And now I'm dead and they're telling me I was some amazing guy. The best of the best."

"You sound pretty great to me," Buck offers.

"Which part? When I ran away from my wife and kid or when I didn't fight for them and just gave up?"

Buck winces. "I get how it feels that way. And that's one way you could look at it."

Eddie snorts. "Yeah? What's the other way?"

"The other way to look at it is that you and me are about the same age, and I'm a totally irresponsible idiot. Like, they have to grade on a curve, right? You tried really hard to do the right thing for your son and your ex. Maybe you could have done something else, but you were a kid when you enlisted and then you didn't know how to do anything else."

"A curve, huh?"

"If there's no curve, there's no way I should be here either. Honestly, even on a curve I don't get it. Sure, I was training to become a firefighter when I died, but I hadn't done anything with my life yet. Nothing that bad, just screwing around, but nothing good either."

"You seem like a good guy," Eddie offers.

Buck thinks it over. "I want to be. I'm trying to be. Not that I have to anymore, apparently. Once we're dead, we don't have to keep trying."

"That seems weird."

"Right?" says Buck, gesturing with his beer bottle. "It's so weird! Like, we're tested on Earth, but once we get here, we don't have to worry about other people anymore?"

"We don't know that," says Eddie. "Like, yeah, maybe we don't have to worry about being the best possible versions of ourselves, but if you murdered me, they probably wouldn't just let that go."

"Huh."

"Please tell me you're not thinking about murdering me now."

"Not actually murdering you!"

"Oh, I feel so much better."

Buck has to laugh. "I'm just wondering if I could. I mean, you're already dead, right? You can't die again."

"I don't really want to test that, to be honest."

"You could stab me. Like in the arm. We don't even know if we can get hurt!"

"I can't believe I've known you for less than two hours and you're already asking me to stab you. And you're supposed to be my soulmate."

Something about the supposed to rankles, but it shouldn't. "I guess your wife was probably your soulmate, huh?" he says, mostly to not say anything more awkward.

Eddie shakes his head, less like he's disagreeing with Buck and more like he's disagreeing with himself. "I hope if she was my soulmate, we wouldn't have gotten divorced."

"I guess."

"I'm not even sure I believe in soulmates. Like, what does that mean?"

"A partner," says Buck, hoping his heart isn't audible in his voice. "Someone who has your back. And they're there for you no matter what." He clears his throat. "I guess. That's what the binder says."

"Or someone who stabs me as an experiment," Eddie teases.

"I said you could stab me! Actually, you know what? Hey, Ravi."

Ravi appears with his typical bing. "Hey."

"What the fork?" Eddie yelps, and immediately frowns. "Fork. Fork. Fork?"

"Fork?" asks Buck.

"I'm not saying fork! Well, that time I was."

"Many Good Place residents are uncomfortable with swearing, so all neighborhoods come with a profanity filter," says Ravi. "It's forking impossible to swear."

"Fork," says Buck, trying it out for himself. "Deck. Shirt. Ashhole. Hell."

"Hell is okay," says Ravi.

"Who are you?" Eddie demands.

"Oh! This is Ravi. He's the neighborhood AI. He is not human and not a man, but still uses he/him pronouns."

"Okay," says Eddie. "Why is he here?"

"He knows everything. Ravi, can we die here?"

Ravi frowns. "You're already dead. Why would you die again?"

"Well, like, if I fell off the balcony," says Buck. "What would happen?"

"Why?"

"I'm pretty accident prone. Apparently I died walking into an open manhole so I just want to know what happens if I hurt myself here."

"You walked into an open manhole?" Eddie asks.

"That's not the point."

"It's a little bit the point."

Ravi sighs. "In the event that someone is somehow injured here--which almost never happens--they will regenerate. The length of regeneration varies depending on the injury. You get a paper cut, it'll be gone before you even notice it. If you fall off the balcony, it will take longer. Please don't fall off the balcony. We don't have a lot of injuries and I don't want to deal with that."

"Would it be your job?" Buck asks.

"I do everything around here."

"Can we see what's going on back on Earth?" Eddie asks, surprising Buck.

"No. Why?"

"Just wanted to check in on my son."

"He'll be here before you know it."

Eddie goes pale. "Please don't tell me my son is going to die."

"But he is," says Ravi, sounding confused.

"And when he dies he'll come here?" Buck asks.

"No," Ravi admits. "He'll probably go to the Bad Place. Even if he didn't, he'd be in another neighborhood."

"You're telling me my son is dying and going to Hell?"

Ravi blinks. "Statistically speaking--"

"Okay but Eddie is here," says Buck, mostly because he's kind of worried Eddie is going to punch Ravi if Ravi doesn't shut up. "In the Good Place. And it can't really be a Good Place for him if he can't see his son, right?"

"I will look into that and get back to you," says Ravi, and disappears.

"This is forked up," Eddie mutters, collapsing back onto the couch with his head in his hands. "Maybe Chris will be the first ever immortal kid."

"Maybe."

Eddie smiles a little. "I know, I know."

"I can't even imagine what you're going through," Buck says. "But maybe we could ask Bobby! I think Ravi is more kind of, like, administrative support. Bobby's in charge. And he seems cool! Maybe he can do something about you getting to see your son."

"Maybe."

"Can't hurt to ask."

"It can."

"Okay," Buck grants. "But it's going to hurt anyway, right? You're already hurting."

Eddie looks a little taken aback, like Buck hit him from an unexpected direction. "I guess you're right." He tries out a crooked smile that looks very handsome on him. "You don't really think my kid is going to go to the Bad Place, do you?"

"No way." He checks the time; they still have a few hours before the gala. "Will you tell me about him? Chris, I mean."

"What about him?"

"Everything! All I know right now is his name. How old is he, what does he like, do you have any pictures?"

Eddie looks a little dazed. "Uh, I'm not sure if I still have my wallet."

"Sorry," says Buck. "I just really love kids."

Eddie's expression evens out into a smile. "I love this one. He's five."

*

Bobby called the party a gala, which suggests to Buck that they should be dressing up for it. The closet works a lot like the fridge, in that when he opens it he finds whatever he's thinking about, which means he has a whole lot of suits to pick from.

"What do you think?" he asks Eddie. "Are you going to dress up?"

Eddie looks down at himself. "Yeah, I think I'm done wearing these. I'll go to my place and get changed."

"You're not going to tell me what to wear first?" Buck protests. "You're supposed to help!"

"Am I?"

"You're my soulmate," he says, trying out the word, which definitely doesn't taste right. But Eddie is at least cool and easy to talk to, which is about as good a start to this whole thing as Buck could reasonably expect. Other than him being a girl, but whatever. It's fine.

Part of him is expecting Eddie to object, or to at least point out that he's still not sure about the soulmate thing, but instead he joins Buck in front of the closet to survey the options. "This one looks good," he decides, pulling a pretty unremarkable black suit out of the closet. "Not too fancy, but you won't look underdressed. Happy now?"

"Yes, perfect, thanks."

"Cool, see you outside in half an hour."

Buck manages to get dressed and tie his own tie and everything, and he's ready and waiting when Eddie comes out, looking sharp and much more comfortable now that he's no longer in uniform.

According to the welcome packet, there are 322 people in their neighborhood, and they all come in pairs. It makes the soulmate thing feel a little bit heavier, a little more binding, because everyone has a person, and his is Eddie. And no one else is going to want to be his best friend or his girlfriend or anything, because they all have their own soulmates.

Hopefully, Eddie will start liking him more. Otherwise it's going to be a lonely eternity.

Buck checked where the community center was on the neighborhood map before they left, but it turns out he needn't have bothered; all they have to do is follow the crowd. They fall into step with a couple of Black women, one with her head shaved, one with long hair, and the one with the shaved head says, "Finally. I was wondering if we were the only queer people here."

Buck winces. "Uh, I don't know if you're the only ones, but we're--we're not--"

"We're platonic soulmates," Eddie says. "We're straight."

"Is that a thing?" asks the long-haired woman. "Platonic soulmates?"

"According to the welcome packet, yes," says Buck.

The woman with the shaved head blinks. "There was a welcome packet?"

"Yeah! Mine was on my kitchen island but I don't know if that's where they always are. It was really informative."

"Okay. Good to know. I'm Hen, and this is my soulmate, Karen."

"Nice to meet you," says Karen.

"You too. I'm Buck, this is Eddie."

"And you're straight," says Hen.

"Definitely," says Eddie.

"He has an ex-wife and a kid," Buck adds.

Hen frowns. "I get what you're saying, but you can be queer and have an ex of another gender. You can be queer and have a significant other of another gender. And the only thing you need to do to prove you're straight is say you're straight. We believe you."

"So, where are the two of you from?" Buck asks. It's an unsubtle subject change, but it gets the job done. Hen is a former pharmaceutical salesperson turned paramedic, while Karen is an actual rocket scientist, which Buck has about a billion questions about. Karen doesn't want to give him a billion answers, but Eddie and Hen jump into the conversation when she gets fed up with his boundless curiosity, and it ends up being pretty okay.

He has all of eternity to learn about rocket science, at least.

Bobby is at the door, greeting people as they come in, and Buck feels just a little less special when he remembers that everyone got the same introduction he did, the same tour. He'd thought maybe Bobby kind of liked him, and he probably did, but he likes all of them. Buck's just another guy to him.

The feeling doesn't get better as the night progresses. Buck doesn't know exactly how the points work, but every person he talks to makes him feel like he belongs here less. Eddie might not have a high opinion of his own military service, but he's clearly a great guy who saved a lot of people and served his country. Hen has already saved at least ten people as a paramedic and probably way more than that; Karen figured out some breakthrough in solar power that will strike a major blow against climate change and world hunger. And they feel like some of the least impressive people he meets, compared to human rights lawyers and philanthropists and doctors who cured horrible diseases Buck has never even heard of.

And here's Evan Buckley, who is just a guy, really. He wouldn't have said he was a bad guy, but he wasn't particularly good, either. He was trying to be better, but he'd felt like he was at the start of his life when he died. He was going to be something, but he wasn't there yet.

He's most of the way to drunk when an Asian guy takes the stage, wearing a sash that says best person over his own tux. Bobby has his arm around him, and irritation stirs in Evan's chest. He has to be the worst of all 322 people in this neighborhood. He's probably only here because of Eddie, because he's Eddie's soulmate, but that can't be right either. Once whatever system they have that assigns soulmates realizes it made a mistake, Buck will get kicked down to the Bad Place, where he has to belong.

"In every neighborhood," Bobby is saying on the stage, "there is one resident who has the highest point total, a star among stars. In our neighborhood, it's this man. Everyone please give a warm, neighborhood 118 welcome to Chimney Han!"

Buck claps along with everyone else, but he's having trouble breathing all of a sudden. The room feels too small and too full, and Buck's temples are pounding. Onstage, Chimney Han starts talking, clearly more than a little drunk himself, and Buck weaves his way through the crowd, finishing off his drink and he heads for the door.

Outside, the air is fresh and starting to get a little cool. The sun is setting through the buildings and it feels a little like he's still alive, like he still has a future.

"You could have at least told me you were leaving," Eddie says by his elbow, and Buck jumps.

"You could have stayed."

"I don't like parties." He looks both ways down the street. "I think there's a beach that way, want to go look?"

"Sure."

They walk for the first few blocks in silence, and then Eddie's the one to say, "You want to tell me what happened back there?"

"Not really."

"Come on, I'm your soulmate, right?"

"Supposed to be."

"What?"

It feels a little petty, but he's already said it, so Buck has no choice but to plow ahead. "Earlier, you said I was supposed to be your soulmate. It didn't really sound like you believed it."

Eddie huffs in annoyance. "Look, Buck. If you asked me yesterday if I believed soulmates were real, I would have said no. But I also would have said I don't believe in an afterlife, and if I did, I would have said I was going to the bad one, not the good one. This whole thing is forking surreal, but if I didn't have you to talk to, I probably would have tried jumping off the balcony just to see what happened. I don't know if that means you're my soulmate or what, but I'm really glad you're here."

Maybe if he was sober, Buck could resist. But Eddie's words hit him right in the sternum, right in his most insecure spot.

"I shouldn't be here," he admits. "There's no way I made it in. The only way it makes any sense is if you got in and they just let me in to be your soulmate. That's it. Did you hear what the other people in this neighborhood have done? I haven't done anything, Eddie. I'm a total failure."

"At least you're a good guy," Eddie shoots back. Buck tries to protest, but he holds up his hand. "Don't say you're not, you obviously are. I left my family behind because I couldn't deal with the responsibility of being a dad, I didn't listen to my ex when she begged me to come home, and all I did in Afghanistan was keep people alive so they could get killed later. And I couldn't even keep everyone alive. If either of us deserves to be here, it's you."

"It's really not," says Buck. "Even if I am a good guy, it's not enough. I can't just be kind of nice to deserve to be here."

"Okay, so maybe neither of us belongs here. Maybe they made a mistake."

"A mistake?" Buck asks.

"I heard the same stories you did, Buck. And I lived my life. I know I don't measure up to being in whatever Good Place there is."

"Okay, so, what do we do? Do you think we should turn ourselves into Bobby, or is Ravi--"

There's that familiar bing as Ravi appears. "Hi. Weren't you at a gala?"

"We left," says Eddie. "And we're good. You can go."

"Cool," says Ravi, and pings out of existence again.

"Why would we turn ourselves in?" Eddie asks, once he's gone.

"Because someone messed up. We don't belong here, right?"

"We don't feel like we belong here. But Bobby knew who I was, he talked about my history. I bet he knew who you were too. The only proof we have that we shouldn't be here is that we think we shouldn't. We don't have anything to confess."

"But we could check," says Buck. "Just to make sure. Ask Bobby to run the numbers again."

"Or we could stay here and you could help me."

Buck frowns. "Help you with what?"

They've made it to the beach, and Eddie sits down in the sand, apparently unconcerned with the cleanliness of his suit. There probably is some sort of self cleaning service; Buck sits next to him.

"Chris," says Eddie, picking up a handful of sand and letting it fall through his fingers. "I want to figure out how to make sure he gets into the Good Place. Once I've done that, I don't care anymore. You want to confess and get us sent to the Bad Place? Cool. You want to stay here, great. I just want to know that my kid is going to be okay."

"Do you have any idea how to do that?" Buck asks.

"Not a clue. But I was hoping my soulmate would help me figure it out."

Buck feels himself flush with pride. "Yeah, I can do that."

*

Buck is awoken the next morning by screaming and the sound of something breaking, which is such a familiar way to wake up that he assumes that he's just back in the frat house and someone has gotten drunk and fallen on the table again. At this point, the table is probably more duct tape than wood, which isn't good for its structural integrity.

"I'll get the tape," Buck mumbles, and rolls out of bed to find that he's dead, in his afterlife apartment, and giant shrimp are falling from the sky. "Or I won't," he adds, to no one in particular.

His apartment has a little balcony area, and he goes out there to survey the scene. Not that being outside gives him a lot more information; shrimp are falling from the sky, and some of them are hitting buildings, which is the sound of breaking, and the people who are outside are trying to get under shelter, which is the screaming. Once the shrimp hit whatever they hit, they burst apart into regular sized shrimp, which fly away on tiny shrimp wings, so there won't be much cleanup, but--

"What the fork?" says Eddie, from his own balcony. He sleeps in nothing but a pair of gray sweats, Buck can't help but notice.

"No clue." He leans over the railing of his balcony to look down at the street below. Hen is there, along with Karen, the guy with the sash from last night, Chimney, and another woman who's presumably his soulmate. "I think I'm going to go ask them."

Eddie sighs like this is a great burden. "Yeah, see you down there."

Buck doesn't bother getting any more dressed than his t-shirt and shorts, so he makes it down pretty fast, but Bobby has still beaten him there.

"No, it's not supposed to do this," he's telling Hen. "Why would we have shrimp falling from the sky on purpose?"

"I don't know!" says Hen. "It's your neighborhood. Maybe two-hundred people here think that giant shrimp falling from the sky is awesome and the rest of us just have to live with that."

"Hey, uh, what's going on?" asks Buck, checking for falling crustaceans as he runs over to the group.

"The neighborhood has a glitch," says Hen.

"What does that mean, a glitch?" Buck asks.

"Honestly, I'm not sure," says Bobby. "This is actually my first neighborhood, so I'm figuring it out as I go."

"You understand how not reassuring that is, right?" asks Chimney.

"Why are you having this conversation in the middle of the street?" Eddie calls from the door. He's wearing a shirt now, and jeans, which puts him several steps ahead of Buck. "Maybe come inside where you aren't going to get crushed by a rogue shrimp?"

Chimney and Hen exchange a look, and Chimney says, "Not a bad idea."

They all run in, Eddie holding the door until everyone is safe. As if on cue, a giant shrimp falls right where they were standing.

"Who are you people, exactly?" the woman Buck hasn't met yet asks.

"This is Buck and Eddie," says Hen. "They're platonic soulmates."

"Oh, are you?" Bobby asks, sounding interested. "We had you down as romantic."

Buck would love to ask for about a thousand more details on that statement, but they've got bigger things going on right now. Instead he says, "So, you said there's a glitch."

"That seems like the most logical explanation. It's a sign that something is wrong with the neighborhood. Probably nothing big, but these things can be tricky. One blade of grass that's cut too short and the whole thing can be thrown out of whack."

"That doesn't seem great, from a design perspective," says Eddie. "I picked up a handful of sand yesterday, would that do it?"

"No!" says Bobby. "Of course not." Then, "Well, probably not. Almost certainly not. But maybe just don't pick up any more sand. Just until Ravi and I have gotten to the bottom of this."

Ravi, of course, appears with a bing. "Do you actually need me? I'm kind of busy. A lot of people are calling me."

"Yeah, how does that work?" asks Buck. "Like if I called you and then someone else did, like, immediately, would you have to disappear and go help them before you helped me? Is there an order you go in?"

"That question is the definition of not needing me," says Ravi.

"Have you had any luck getting to the bottom of what's causing this shrimp storm, Ravi?" Bobby asks.

"No, because people keep calling me to ask me what's causing this shrimp storm."

Bobby smiles a little. "Fair enough. Get back to it, then."

Ravi disappears with a bing, and Buck turns to the woman he doesn't know out of general uncertainty about what to do next. "Sorry, I didn't actually get your name. But I assume you're our top point-getter's soulmate."

"Yeah," she says. She's got a voice that sounds like she should always be chewing gum and popping it disdainfully. "Tatiana."

"Nice to meet you. And I didn't get to talk to you last night either, Chimney."

"I was very popular last night," he says.

"And you two disappeared early," says Hen. "I tried to find you after the speeches, but you were gone."

"I had a little too much to drink and needed some air," says Buck. It's barely a lie. "Eddie came with me."

"No hangover, though," Eddie puts in. "So that's cool."

Outside, the rain of shrimp seems to be letting up. They're still coming down, but now they're the size of cats and rats instead of the size of horses, and they're dissolving on impact. Which is, to be clear, still incredibly weird. But at least it's less potentially fatal. Or, not fatal, but…inconvenient.

Buck has a headache, which feels like it shouldn't happen when he's dead and in heaven, but apparently there's a glitch.

"As the top point-getter in this community, I will not rest until I find the problem," says Chimney, as if he's running for office.

"Yeah? How are you going to do that?" Hen asks.

"To be determined. Eddie, where did you pick up the handful of sand?"

Eddie gives him a look. "That cannot possibly be it."

He's probably right, but Buck is thinking about the other thing, the thing where they both decided they don't belong here, but they're going to stay anyway. And Buck feels weirdly okay about it, even with the shrimp, because Eddie was kind of right, too. They don't actually know they shouldn't be here, they just think it. And if it is them causing the problems, Bobby and Ravi will definitely figure it out. They don't have to volunteer to be sent away.

But still. They could be the reason all of this is happening.

"Leave no grain of sand unturned," says Chimney, and Eddie sighs.

"Okay, sure. I'll take you to the beach. Buck, you coming?"

"Maybe I could do some research," Buck volunteers. He was never very good in school, not as a general rule, but the thing he is good at is getting really invested in certain topics. Whenever he was allowed to write a paper on a subject of his choice, he'd be all over it. And, granted, his grades still wouldn't be the best, but his teachers always left notes like your passion is obvious, Evan, followed by much longer notes about how he needed to edit himself and learn how to turn a list of facts into an actual thesis paper.

Which he doesn't have to do here. All he needs to do is learn as much as he can about the Good Place, and ideally it will either help him figure out if he and Eddie really don't belong here and could have caused the glitches, or it will help him figure out how they can make sure Eddie's son will be placed here when he dies. If he's lucky, it might even do both.

Bobby is frowning, a small crease between his eyes. "Research?"

"Yeah! I mean, you made this place, right? So you know everything about it. Which is great, but sometimes that also means you're too close to the problem. So if you have some books about, like, how the neighborhoods are made and how everything works, maybe it could help. I could be a fresh set of eyes for you."

"I appreciate the thought, Buck, but humans aren't really meant to know things like that. The neighborhoods are beyond your comprehension."

"But I could still try comprehending them, right? Just to help out. I really want to know more about how it all works. If I can't visit the other neighborhoods, maybe I can find out about them in other ways."

Bobby considers him. "Well, I could certainly use someone to bounce ideas off of, and it seems like Ravi is busy. You can tag along with me today, kid."

It's a little weird leaving Eddie, like they're already a pair of shelter cats who have to be adopted together, but Buck figures that's probably a part of the soulmate thing.

And it's actually kind of cool spending the day with Bobby. He has an easy, friendly energy, this dorky dad vibe that Buck associates with the time he spent in the midwest. He doesn't want to give Buck a lot of details about the nitty gritty of the neighborhood or the points system, but things kind of slip out as he's talking to himself, and Buck is good at filing information like that away.

Plus, in his office, Buck finds a book called Your Afterlife and You!, which Bobby says is fine for him to borrow if he wants. Apparently it was what was distributed to new residents before Ravi updated it into the binder, but it seems to have a lot more background information.

"Can I take any of these other ones?" he asks, running his fingers over more spines.

Bobby glances up. "Anything on that shelf, sure."

So Buck goes back to his loft with a pile of books, and everything seems pretty much okay. There are no more shrimp, nothing falling from the sky, no disasters at all. Buck is craving pizza, and when he opens up his fridge, there's a pizza in there, somehow hot and greasy and tasting exactly like the one he used to get when he was in high school.

Part of him wants to go over to Eddie's and ask if he wants any pizza, but he doesn't even know if Eddie is back yet. Maybe he and Chimney hit it off and they're hanging out. Maybe Eddie wants a break from Buck a lot more than Buck wants a break from Eddie. There's probably a reason they're not sharing an apartment, after all.

But he has pizza to eat and books to read. That's more than enough.

*

The next morning, he decides it's okay to annoy Eddie around ten, which he thinks is a lot of restraint, and Eddie opens up the door shirtless with messy hair, squinting at Buck like he can't quite make him out.

Buck beams at him. "You want to get breakfast and fill me in on what you found with Chimney?"

"Get breakfast where?" Eddie asks.

"From my fridge, I guess."

"Come on in," he says, stepping out of the way. "We can just get it from my fridge."

Eddie's apartment looks exactly like Buck's, like someone just copy and pasted it, which is both nice and also a little disconcerting. They could at least have different paint jobs or something. Just to make it look less like the exact same place.

"Coffee?" Eddie asks.

"Please."

Eddie opens the fridge and finds two mugs of hot coffee. Buck's is, of course, exactly how he likes it.

"How'd it go yesterday?" he asks.

Eddie pulls a face. "Honestly? Really weird. I think there's something up with Chimney."

"Yeah? Like what?"

Eddie opens the fridge again and produces a plate of waffles for Buck and a plate with scrambled eggs and hash browns for himself. "I asked him why people called him Chimney and he couldn't tell me."

"Couldn't or wouldn't? Maybe it's embarrassing. I had some embarrassing nicknames in my life."

Eddie's mouth twitches. "Yeah, I bet. But I was in the army, I know embarrassing nicknames. This wasn't like that. He froze like a deer in the headlights, and then he said it wasn't important. And I asked him about what he did before he died, and it was all kind of sketchy. Like, he said he was a firefighter but he was talking about it like he just knew what firefighters did from TV. I thought maybe you could talk to him. I know you weren't done with your training yet, but I think you might still know more about it than he does."

"Yeah, I could definitely talk to him about it. What are you thinking? Like, what would it mean if he was lying?"

"Maybe we're not the only mistakes. Maybe this whole neighborhood is a mistake, and that's why it's glitching."

"I don't think it works that way. I got some books from Bobby--"

Eddie frowns. "I thought you weren't supposed to know this stuff."

"It looked like it was maybe old introductory stuff, so I guess it was fine. But I guess it used to have more background and less practical stuff. So, like, this one broke down how the whole system works. The scoring isn't done in the neighborhoods. There's a whole accounting department, and they do the scores and send lists of names to the Good Place and the Bad Place. Then putting people into neighborhoods is handled there. So even if the Good Place got a whole list of Bad Place names by mistake, all the people wouldn't go to the same neighborhood."

"Well, if we're all supposed to go to the Bad Place, wouldn't it make sense we all got put in the same neighborhood too? We probably have more in common with each other than we would with people who were actually supposed to go to the Good Place."

"So, what, you think everyone we met yesterday just made stuff up? Bobby has files. He has to know why we're supposed to be here, right?"

"Yeah."

"So if people are lying, he'd know. Whatever they're saying has to line up with his files."

Eddie rubs his jaw. "I guess, yeah."

"But I do think that could explain us," says Buck.

"What could?"

"This whole place runs on bureaucracy, right? Like the SEALs did. The army was probably the same. Places like that train you to trust the system, that's part of why it was a bad match for me. So if our names got sent by mistake, Bobby wouldn't check to see if there was a problem, right? He wouldn't question it."

"He did say it was his first neighborhood," Eddie grants. "That could be it."

"Exactly!"

"So, you think we're the problem."

"It's not like there's much of a problem," Buck hedges. "I mean, yeah, there was the shrimp storm. But that was only one thing!"

"We've only been here for one full day," Eddie points out. "How much weird stuff do you need to happen in your first forty-eight hours somewhere before you start worrying?"

"We also don't know how weird it actually was. We're in Heaven! Who knows how weird it's supposed to be?"

Eddie shoots him a look. "Bobby knows. And he thinks it's weird."

"Okay, yeah, but he also thinks it could have been caused by grass or sand. I don't think that's a crisis, Eddie. It seems like growing pains."

"Yeah, okay," says Eddie. "So, uh, they don't do anything with the points or assignments here, huh?"

"Not from what I can tell," Buck says. "But I've only read one book so far. Like you said, less than 48 hours here. We weren't going to figure out how to save Chris in a day, Eddie. But we have plenty of time. We'll think of something."

"Yeah. Yeah." He offers Buck a smile. "So, what are you doing today?"

"I think I'm still helping Bobby? I figure that's a pretty good way to learn more about what's going on here. And maybe I can ask him a little more about Chimney and see if what he says matches with what Chimney told you. What about you?"

"I have no idea. I feel like I haven't had free time since before Shannon got pregnant. Now I don't have any responsibilities at all and I feel like I might explode."

"Did you know there are jobs here?" Buck asks.

"Why are there jobs in Heaven?"

"Probably because you and me aren't the only people here who aren't great at having nothing to do. If you check your binder, you can see some options. Or, you know, you could try to relax. Maybe learn to surf."

"I don't know. I feel kind of shirty just doing nothing while you're trying to help Chris."

"You can come see if Bobby needs more help if you want. But I meant what I said, it really hasn't been that long. Or, hey, you can read some of my books if you want! Learn more about how stuff works here."

"Maybe I'll take a book to the beach." He makes a face. "Was this how you pictured the afterlife?"

"I never got much past clouds and halos and harps."

"Right?" says Eddie. "That's definitely what we should have. White robes, harps, and we're all happy because we don't have free will anymore."

Buck smiles a little. "That, uh, sounds good to you?"

"At least I wouldn't be stressed in paradise."

"Ravi?" says Buck, and Ravi appears.

"Hello."

"Can you get Eddie a white robe and a harp? Oh, and a halo."

"Buck--"

He drains his coffee. "Gonna go see if Bobby needs me yet. See you for dinner?"

"Buck!" he hears, before the door closes, and he grins for the rest of the day.

*

It takes Buck a week to get Chimney alone, but only two questions to figure out that he's full of shit.

He opens with, "Oh, hey, Eddie said you were a firefighter, where were you based?"

"Los Angeles," says Chimney.

Buck grins. "No way! That's so cool, man, I was actually studying to be a firefighter in LA when I died. What house were you with?"

"The 36," says Chimney, and Buck has a choice to make.

"The 36?"

"Yup. Good old Station 36."

"You know station numbering in LA starts at 101, right?" Buck asks. "There isn't a Station 36."

Chimney's mouth opens and closes. "There's not?"

"Nope."

Chimney collapses into a chair. "Okay, well, I guess the gig is up. My name is Howard Han, I'm not a firefighter, and I don't belong here. I don't know who Chimney Han is, but apparently he's the most heroic firefighter in the universe and saved busloads of orphans on a daily basis. I work in a karaoke bar! I hustle pool! I keep trying to get on Shark Tank! There is no way I should be here."

Buck blinks. "Have you told Bobby?"

He gives Buck a look like Buck has grown at least one and maybe several more heads. "Why would I tell Bobby?"

"Well, his files are wrong."

"I'm not going to Hell, Buck. They're the ones who made a mistake, they should be the ones to fix it. And I don't think I'm the only one who shouldn't be here, anyway."

"No?" Buck asks.

"I'm pretty sure Hen has a guilty conscience."

"Wasn't she a paramedic?"

"Only for a year! There's no way she did enough good as a paramedic in one year to make up for years of being a pharmaceutical rep. The math doesn't math."

Buck thinks it over, but no matter what angle he comes at it from, it feels right to say, "I don't think I should be here either."

Howard's eyebrows go up. "Oh? And have you told Bobby that?"

"No," he admits.

"And yet, I'm supposed to tell on myself?"

"I'm going to tell him. I just have some other stuff to do first."

"Other stuff?"

"Research. About how to get into the Good Place."

He claps. "Yes! That's perfect. See, that's what I was thinking. All we need to do is become good people now. And then, if they do find out we don't belong here, it won't matter! Because by then, we'll be good enough to really belong here." His eyes narrow. "What about Eddie?"

Buck tries not to flush, but of course he does. "What about Eddie?"

"I'm pretty sure Tatiana does belong here, but I don't think she's my soulmate. Honestly, all she ever wants to do is hear stories about near-death firefighter experiences. So she's probably perfect for the real Chimney Han, if he exists. I'm still trying to get a read on Karen. What do you think about Eddie?"

It feels weird to tell him about Eddie, but if they are doing this, he'd rather have Eddie joining in. And they're in mutually assured destruction territory now, right? Howard won't tell on him because then Buck can screw him over right back.

"Eddie doesn't think he should be here either. Personally, I don't agree, but it's his life, so he probably knows better."

Howard nods. "Okay. You tell Eddie, I'll talk to Hen. We can start a we don't belong here club."

"What if you're wrong about her?" Buck asks. "She could really screw you over, right?"

"She could. But I don't think she will."

"Does Tatiana know?"

"Definitely not. Don't tell her. Don't tell anyone else, actually. Just Eddie and Hen. And you'd better keep calling me Chimney."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

"We can meet up tomorrow afternoon at my place and talk it through. Figure out how we can become better people."

"I've got some books," says Buck.

Chimney gives him a look he can't quite decipher. "Well, that's a start, I guess. Tomorrow? Let's say three o'clock?"

"Sounds good."

He and Eddie have settled into a routine of having breakfast together, usually at Eddie's place because Buck wakes up first and then pounds on Eddie's door until he wakes up and lets Buck in, and then they'll do their own things during the day. Eddie is still struggling with his free time, and he's started reading Buck's books from Bobby mostly out of desperation. He could start a business if he wanted to, which is apparently the main job people do here, but he hasn't figured out what kind of business. Partly, of course, it's that everyone can get whatever they want from Ravi with no effort, but Eddie also never really had aspirations that weren't purely practical before.

So he fills his days however he can, and then he meets Buck for dinner, as long as nothing else is happening. There are plenty of neighborhood events, parties and mixers and game nights, but Buck's favorite nights are the ones where he has nothing to do but chat with Eddie about how they think the afterlife works and what Eddie can do with himself and how they both ended up here.

It does feel a little like how he thinks it would be to have a soulmate, except for the romantic stuff. And even then, sometimes he'll look at Eddie across the table or see him laughing, and his heart will twinge, just a little. He's straight and Eddie is straight but…maybe it would be nice if they weren't. Maybe Buck wouldn't mind.

Buck goes back home pretty much right after meeting with Chimney, but Eddie isn't there yet. Buck scrawls EDDIE COME IN on a piece and paper and sticks it to his door, then settles in with one of Bobby's books. They're all a lot denser than the first one he read, harder to get through and harder to understand, but he's making slow and steady progress nonetheless.

He still has absolutely no idea what they can do for Eddie's son, but maybe if they figure out how they can stay here, they can figure out how to help Chris too. And then…

It's still Buck's biggest question, if he's honest, the thing about the Good Place that sticks in his mind like a popcorn kernel wedged in his back molar. He hasn't mentioned it to Eddie, mostly because he doesn't want Eddie to think he's trying to draw focus from Chris, but he has people he wants to help too. Maddie seems like a good candidate to actually make it to the Good Place on her own merits, but he doesn't really think his parents deserve to come. And it's not a nice thought, as it turns out. He doesn't actually want his parents to suffer for all eternity. He'd like them to realize how much they hurt him and maybe apologize, but he doesn't want them to be prodded with pitchforks until the heat death of the sun. That won't do him any good.

He's still thinking about it when there's a knock on the door, and then Eddie pushes it open.

"Everything okay?"

Buck startles out of his own brain. "Yeah! Just needed to talk to you."

Eddie comes over to sit next to him at the island. "You looked pretty freaked out."

"I was just thinking." He considers Eddie. "Do you think there's anything you can do that's bad enough to deserve being in Hell for all eternity?"

Eddie blinks a few times. "Hitler?" he offers.

"I guess," says Buck. "But, like, shouldn't there be a point where you've been tortured enough? Think about, like…jail. Even if you did something really shirty, the most you can get is a life sentence. And then at least, at some point, you die. And then you go to Hell and keep on getting punished forever? How does that help anyone?"

"I don't think the point is to help people, Buck."

"Okay but why not?" he demands. "If helping people isn't the point, what is? What's the point of having your entire life be a test, and you don't even know for sure what the test is, and if you fail, that's it? It's stupid."

Eddie looks a little alarmed. "Uh, yeah. It's pretty stupid. What's going on, Buck?"

"I talked to Chimney, and he's not supposed to be here either. But he knows he's not supposed to be here. No question."

"How?"

"Whatever file Bobby has, it's not him. He wasn't a firefighter, he didn't do any of that stuff. I told him about us too. How we don't think we should be here. Sorry," he adds.

"Don't apologize," says Eddie. He's still looking concerned. "Why'd you tell him?"

"He wants to learn how to be a good enough person to stay. And he wants us to do it with him. So that way, if they find out about us, we can say that we deserve to be here now."

"Okay," says Eddie. "Sure. We can do that. Why do I feel like there's a but here?"

"If we can do that, why can't everyone?" Buck demands. "Why can't my parents learn to be better people in the Bad Place and eventually make it up here? And why doesn't anyone else care that they can't?"

"Does anyone else know you care?" Eddie asks, not unreasonably. "For all we know, everyone is talking to their soulmates about this all the time. Maybe we're not the only ones who want things to be different."

"Do you want that?" Buck asks.

"I hadn't gotten much past thinking about Chris. But, yeah. I don't want Shannon down there either. Or, hell, even my parents. They aren't perfect, but no one is. I don't think they're bad enough to deserve the Bad Place forever."

"I guess we can ask Chimney and Hen about it tomorrow."

"Hen?"

"He thinks she shouldn't be here either. He doesn't think she could have been a good enough paramedic."

"Four is a lot of mistakes," says Eddie. "Like, that seems like a bigger problem."

"Chimney is the only mistake," says Buck. "At least that we can be sure about. His background is just wrong. Ours isn't."

"True." Eddie rubs his temples. "Fork, I have a headache. Why can we have headaches?"

"No idea. But maybe it'll be better once we talk to Chimney and Hen, right?"

"You think having more people involved is going to make this less of a clusterfork?"

Buck snickers. "Okay, honestly? I like that one."

Eddie's mouth twitches too, and Buck kind of wants to kiss the corner, right where it's pulling up. He shakes the thought away.

At least Eddie doesn't seem to notice. "Yeah, that one's good. But still. It's going to be a mess, Buck."

Buck sighs. "Yeah, I know."

*

To Buck's surprise, they actually are all on pretty much the same page. Hen's history is accurate, but she still agrees with Chimney: there's no way the amount of good she's done in the last year or so could make up for the years she spent working for a company that she knew was pretty corrupt and actively making the world worse.

"And Karen's never mentioned it, which seems weird too," she says. "The woman is not above petty potshots, but she's never once pointed out that the value of what I did is so much less than what she did."

"That doesn't sound great," Buck offers, frowning a little. "For a soulmate."

"You know, the first day I thought I was going to hate her, but she's really growing on me. So I guess they know what they're doing with the whole soulmate thing."

Buck shifts a little. "Just not where we should go?"

"So far, I'm the only one we know shouldn't be here," Chimney points out. "Maybe the rest of you just don't believe in yourselves enough."

"There's a person here who dedicated their entire life to saving war orphans from unexploded landmines," says Hen. "And then died, saving a war orphan from an unexploded landmine."

"And all the literature says that it's really rare to get into the Good Place," Buck adds. "Ravi told Eddie that his son was probably going to hell. Like, already. He's five, and Ravi was already pretty sure. There's no way I'm a better person than Eddie's five-year-old son, but I'm here."

"Does anyone actually know how bad the Bad Place is?" Chimney asks. "Not to sound ungrateful, but paradise hasn't exactly been everything I dreamed so far. So maybe the Good Place is fine, and the Bad Place is just…less fine."

"I was wondering about that too," says Eddie.

Hen frowns. "Wait, am I the only one who actually found out what the Bad Place is like?"

"Hey, I tried!" Buck protests. "Ravi wouldn't tell me. He just said I shouldn't worry about it."

"Okay," says Hen. "Ravi?"

He appears with a bing. "Hi there."

"Ravi, can you play us audio of what's happening in the Bad Place right now?"

"Yes, I can do that," says Ravi.

"Wait, how come you didn't do that for me?" Buck asks.

"You never asked me to do that." He holds up one finger, and there's the sound of a lot of screaming, and some crying, and some roaring, and what sounds like a chainsaw.

It sounds a lot more like Hell than this place feels like Heaven.

"Thanks, Ravi," says Hen, and Ravi nods.

"Sure." He disappears again, and they all sit in silence.

"This is forked, right?" Buck finally asks. "The whole thing. That we're here, that no one else is, that…everything!"

"Forked?" Hen asks.

"Oh, have you not tried swearing yet?" Eddie asks.

"Fork," says Chimney, testing it out. "Interesting. But, to Buck's point, it is forked. Royally forked."

"Clusterforked," says Eddie, and it makes Buck smile.

"I was thinking about that too," says Hen. "Because so many people are here because they helped other people. But how many of the people I saved are going to the Bad Place anyway? How many of those war orphans are getting tortured? And why isn't anyone else worried about that?"

"If not the people they saved, the people they love," Chimney adds. "Like Eddie and his kid. My foster brother and parents aren't dead yet, but when they are, I'll want to see them."

"Exactly!" says Hen, slapping the table. "It doesn't add up."

"That's kind of always been the thing with Heaven, though, right?" says Eddie. "I'm not the best Catholic, but I know that when I stopped going to church, my abuela started worrying about my immortal soul."

"And if the Catholics were right and your abuela went to Heaven and you didn't, that would be a huge bummer for her, right?" says Buck. "Like, she wouldn't just shrug and say you deserved it."

"Maybe for the first year or so," says Eddie. "But yeah, at some point, I think she'd miss me. It wouldn't be paradise for her without me and Chris and…" He shakes his head. "It doesn't work. You can't take one person away from everyone they love, tell them they're better than all of them, and then expect them to be happy. If I found out Chris was in the Bad Place, I'd be in Bobby's office telling me to send him down there as fast as I could."

"You probably couldn't see him in the Bad Place either," says Chimney. "It would be pretty forked if you could see your family in Hell, but not in Heaven."

"It's forked either way!" says Hen.

"Forks all the way down," Buck agrees.

"So, what does that mean for us?" Chimney asks. "We're here. It doesn't do anyone else any good if we confess and get sent to the Bad Place. But it also doesn't do anyone else any good for us to be here. And it won't do us any good to be here if all we're thinking about is how to get back to the people we loved on Earth."

Hen leans forward. "Maybe that's how the soulmate thing is supposed to work. Once you get here, you meet your perfect match, and then you don't care anymore about everything you left behind."

"I don't think Eddie would be my soulmate if he stopped loving his son," Buck says, before he's realized how weird it is to say. But it's already out there, so he plows forward. "I don't think my soulmate could be someone who doesn't care about this."

"I wonder what Karen would say if I told her I was worried about my mom," Hen muses. "She hasn't really said much about her family. I'm not sure they get along."

"Yeah, but she was still trying to save people, right?" says Eddie. "She did that whole solar power thing. She wanted things to be better on Earth, but now that she's dead, she doesn't care if things suck in Heaven?"

"I don't know!" says Hen.

"But it is suspicious," says Chimney. "Every time I try to have a serious conversation with Tatiana, she says she has to go to the gym. I just gave up."

"That doesn't really sound like a soulmate," Eddie points out, with surprising gentleness.

"Well, I'm not really Chimney Han. Maybe he'd go to the gym with her. Maybe they'd be perfect together."

"Buck, you and Bobby are getting kind of friendly, right?" Hen asks.

"Kind of. It's Bobby, he's pretty friendly to everyone."

"But could you ask him? If there's a way for people to get out of the Bad Place? If we're just supposed to…think this is fine?"

Her voice is so hopeless, so small, that Buck's heart goes out to her. He gets it, he does. It doesn't feel like this can be right.

"What if it's another test?" Eddie asks, surprising Buck. "What if we're supposed to notice? Maybe Bobby's just been waiting for it. We're not actually done yet. Before we get to go to the real Good Place, we have to tell them that things are forked."

"It probably can't hurt to ask," Buck says. "Unless asking automatically gets us sent to the Bad Place, in which case, I will miss you guys."

"I still think we should be trying to figure out what we'd have to do to actually be here," says Chimney. "Becoming better people, or whatever."

"That can go on the list," says Eddie. "But I really want to know what Bobby will say if you ask him. Maybe I'll tag along."

They have another event that night--trivia and wings, which are two of Buck's favorite things--and the four of them walk over together and get put on a team, along with Karen and Tatiana. Now that he's heard what Hen and Chimney think of their respective soulmates, it's easier to understand the dynamics. Chimney and Tatiana are a little awkward together, mismatched but trying their best, while Hen and Karen are actually really great as a couple, but a little prickly, like they don't want to admit it yet. In a few months, he thinks they'll probably be pretty solid.

He's not sure what he thinks the others see when they look at him and Eddie. They're comfortable together, much more so than Chimney and Tatiana are, probably even more than Hen and Karen. Eddie is already the best friend he's ever had, the only person he's ever clicked with like this. He thinks it must be visible from space, how cool he thinks Eddie is.

It's actually a really fun night, but not in an eternal paradise kind of way. It's a mundane kind of fun, the kind of thing he would have been able to do on Earth, if he had friends like this. If he'd stayed anywhere long enough to get a regular social hangout going.

Eddie's a little drunker than he is, swaying happily as they walk back to their building. It is just their building, Bobby confirmed, an entire empty apartment building with just two identical occupied units on the fourth floor. Even if they're in Heaven and there are no resource shortages, it still feels like a waste to Buck.

"Do you really want to come with me tomorrow?" he finds himself asking in the elevator.

Eddie seems to be falling asleep against the wall. "Huh?"

"To talk to Bobby. You don't have to come."

"If something bad happens to you, I want it to happen to me too."

Buck's not quite sure what to say to that, and the elevator opens and Eddie goes into his own apartment with a wave before he's figured anything out.

*

"Eddie!" says Bobby, sounding surprised. "Buck didn't tell me you were coming by today."

"I had a couple questions," says Eddie. "Buck and I are trying to figure things out."

Bobby checks one of his many files. "Well, like I said, our system does indicate the two of you are meant to be romantic soulmates, so--"

"Not that," Eddie says. "Some stuff about my family. About Earth."

"Ah." He closes the file to focus entirely on Eddie. "There's not a lot I can tell you about that."

"And I don't get why not. My son's still alive down there. I'm not allowed to check up on him? Someday I'm just going to ask Ravi how he's doing and I'll find out he died and went to the Bad Place or another neighborhood?"

To Buck's surprise, Bobby actually looks a little sympathetic. "I understand that you're upset," he says, his voice pitched low and sincere. "Really, I do. But it's complicated."

"Okay, make it less complicated."

"Time doesn't work here the same way it works on Earth. There is no now on Earth that you can look down on. There are too many nows to choose from, all happening at once."

"And what about when Christopher comes up here?" Buck asks, watching Eddie's frown deepen. "Or goes to the Bad Place?"

Bobby steeples his fingers. "The problem with relationships--all relationships, this isn't personal, Eddie--from before death is that people don't always have the same perceptions of them. One person thinks they have a best friend, the other thinks they have a stalker. Here in the Good Place, you can have a fresh start, with people who have been made a part of your life by design, not by chance. It's easier for everyone."

"Are you telling me my son thinks I'm a stalker?" Eddie demands.

"No, no, of course not. But I'm not sure either of you would want to spend eternity with your parents."

It's as much of an opening as Buck needs. "Not the whole thing. But honestly, I'd rather get to spend some of my afterlife making peace with my parents than never seem again. Is that an option?"

"Well, your parents aren't dead."

"Oh, so time is weird, but you know his parents for sure aren't dead?" Eddie asks.

"Look, Eddie, if I thought I could make you understand how it works, I would. It's just…Jeremy Bearimy."

"Who?" asks Buck.

Bobby waves his hand. "We aren't on Earth, and we don't follow Earth rules. You two can't think in enough dimensions to understand it, but you don't need to. At some point, your families will be here. But no, you won't be able to see them. And as you're here for longer, you'll stop wanting to. They're a part of your past, not your future."

For a second, Buck is worried that Eddie is actually going to try to punch Bobby, but the moment passes, and Eddie relaxes back into his seat, scowling like he wants to set Bobby on fire.

"I just don't see how we're supposed to be happy here," Buck says. "I don't see how we can be, when Eddie's son, and my sister, and probably everyone we've ever met is suffering in the Bad Place. The whole reason we're here is that we wanted to help people when we were alive, and now that we're dead, we're just supposed to forget about everyone but ourselves? We're just suddenly supposed to be totally different people than we were on Earth?"

"You're supposed to accept that there is a higher power at work," says Bobby. "We know how things are supposed to be. You two are good people. There are many more bad people than good people. That's just how the world works."

"It's not," says Buck. "Most people are just…people, you know? They're not saints, but you shouldn't have to be a saint to not be tortured forever. The default shouldn't be the Bad Place, it should be here."

"There is no default," says Bobby "Everyone starts off with no points."

"Yeah, and if you never get another point, where will you go?" Eddie asks.

For the first time, possibly ever, Bobby actually looks rattled. "What?"

"I read those books you loaned Buck, and he's right. The Bad Place is the default, because if you never get a point or lose a point in your entire life, that's where you go."

"You don't think that people should have to earn an eternity in paradise?" Bobby asks, regaining his cool.

Eddie shrugs. "I think if you only have two options, most people should go to the good one."

Buck doesn't really think it's going to make a difference, but there's still a part of him that can't help hoping it will. Like maybe Chimney and Hen were right and this was all some game show, and Eddie just figured out the answer to the last question.

But Bobby just shrugs. "Well, they don't. I suggest that you spend more time being happy you're here and less time being upset that other people aren't. You'll have a better existence."

It's a clear if frustrating dismissal, and Buck takes Eddie's elbow, guiding him towards the door. "Thanks for answering our questions, Bobby. We have some stuff to think about."

Eddie is still glaring. "How can he just say that?" he bursts out, as soon as they're outside. "How can he not care?"

It is a little chilling. "I don't know. I guess he just…doesn't, you know? He's not a person. This is his job. He probably doesn't have a family he goes home to every night, you know? Why would he get it?"

Eddie rubs his face like he's trying to erase something from behind his eyes. "Fork. So it wasn't a test, right? He wasn't just waiting for us to notice that."

"I don't think so."

Buck considers for a moment, then says, "Ravi?"

"Ravi?" asks Eddie, as Ravi bings into existence.

"That's me."

"Is there anything more than a Good Place and a Bad Place? Like…a Medium Place."

"There is a Medium Place," says Ravi.

"Wait, really?" asks Eddie.

"Only one person has ever been sent there."

"Why?" asks Buck.

"Because only one person has ever deserved to go to the Medium Place," says Ravi, like it's obvious.

"Can we go there?" asks Buck.

It's Eddie's turn to ask, "Why?"

"What he said," says Ravi.

"I want to talk to them. Find out why they're in the Medium Place. Maybe they can help us with…all of the stuff we're working on."

Ravi looks thoughtful. "You know, I probably shouldn't. But I'm kind of curious too."

Eddie's looking more and more dubious. "Really?"

"I've just heard about it. I've never met her."

"Her?"

"Taylor Kelly. The only resident of the Medium Place."

*

Ravi waits until the middle of the night to call a train, which definitely makes it feel like they're breaking some rules, but they're with Ravi, right? And Ravi is like half of the rule enforcement in the neighborhood. So if he's the one taking them, it can't be that bad.

And at this point, Buck is betting that he's got, at most, a month before he gets kicked out of the Good Place. It just feels inevitable; whether he really earned his spot or not, he just doesn't belong here. Eternal torture is going to suck, but…whatever this is, it's not for him.

If Eddie got to stay, it would probably be a comfort, but Eddie is gunning to get kicked out of Heaven as hard as Buck is, if not harder. Maybe, if they're lucky, they can keep Hen and Chimney from going down with them.

Which is about half the reason that they don't invite Hen and Chimney along on their field trip, the other half being that Hen and Chimney have soulmates to get suspicious. If Buck and Eddie disappear, everyone will assume they're together, and they won't even be wrong. They just won't be anywhere nearby.

"Hey, what happens if someone calls you when you're with us?" Buck asks Ravi.

"No idea," says Ravi. "I guess I'll find out."

He goes back to the front of the train, presumably to drive, leaving Buck and Eddie alone. It's about the size of a trolley car, with plenty of seating, but Buck finds himself sitting next to Eddie anyway, even though there's no reason for him to be this close.

"Do you really want to go to Hell with me?" he asks. In the dark, with the alien landscape of the afterlife passing by their windows, it feels easier.

"Huh?"

"Yesterday, you said that if something bad happened to me, you wanted it to happen to you too. Did you mean it?"

"Yeah," says Eddie.

"What about Chris?"

Eddie sighs. "I honestly don't know if there's anything I can do for him. I want to. No matter where I end up, I'm never going to stop trying. But since I died, there's only been one person I can count on, and that's you. So I'm going to have your back. Wherever you go, I'm going too."

He says it easily, off-handedly, and it's exactly what Buck's been feeling, which is probably why Buck reaches up, takes Eddie's jaw in his hand, turns Eddie's face to him, and kisses him.

The weirdest thing is how familiar it is. Buck's never kissed Eddie, never even kissed a guy before, but he feels like he knows exactly what to do. When Eddie exhales softly, Buck knows he's not going to pull away. When Eddie starts to kiss back, Buck knows how he's going to taste, and he wonders if dreams are just better in the Good Place, if fantasies are more real here, because that must be it, right? How else could he be this sure?

Eddie's hand slides around the back of his neck, keeping him close, like there's any possibility Buck is going to pull away, and for a long, breathless moment, Buck forgets everything. He's not dead, they're not on a train speeding to places unknown, he's just a twenty-something guy sitting in an uncomfortable place, discovering that he really, really likes kissing boys.

At least one boy, anyway.

Then, just when he's thinking they either need to have a conversation or start losing clothing, the train screeches to a halt, and Buck and Eddie are jolted forward, Buck's shoulder colliding with the seat in front of them hard. It feels like the kind of thing that should bruise, but he assumes it won't. It'll be gone before he knows it.

He and Eddie stare at each other for a breathless second, and then Ravi calls, "We're here!" like it wasn't obvious, and Eddie scrambles to his feet and Buck does too.

"Eddie--"

"We're good," Eddie says, which is not actually reassuring. He pats Buck's arm. "We have stuff to do, right?"

Buck flashes him a tight smile. "Yeah."

The sun is rising over an unremarkable white house, the kind of average American one-story place that Buck drove past a thousand times when he was trying to find himself all across the country. This one is alone, though, the only thing he can see in any direction, and it feels like the world has ended and this is the last place a human lives.

Said human is sitting on a low stone fence with a mug in her hands, watching them approach. She's probably about Buck's age, and why did everyone here die so young? Maybe the older you are, the harder it is to get into the Good Place, when you've had so much more time to make mistakes and bring your score down.

The same as kids, who haven't had time to do enough good. He tries not to shudder.

"You're early," says the woman. She's pretty, exactly the kind of girl Buck would have tried to pick up at a bar if he was alive, her red hair tangling in the light breeze.

"Early?" asks Buck.

"It hasn't been that long since the last time I saw you. But hey, it beats eternal boredom. Come on in."

The three of them exchange a look, but she's already heading inside, so they don't have much choice but to follow.

"Want something to drink? I have room temperature beer, hot orange juice, and cold hot chocolate. And tap water, but it usually isn't actually water. I wouldn't recommend it."

"Uh, cold hot chocolate? Buck offers. "Thanks."

"I'll try hot orange juice," says Eddie.

Ravi holds up his hands. "I don't consume liquids."

"I know." She gives Buck and Eddie their drinks. "So, where are we at this time? No Hen and Chimney, do you not know about them yet or what?"

"What are you talking about?" Ravi asks. "What do you mean, this time?"

She sighs. "I cannot wait for you to break this cycle. Like, you can still come visit me sometimes if you want, but this memory wiping thing is so annoying." She claps her hands. "Okay, so. What do you want to ask me about this time? I'll give you an hour, then I'm done. Unless you want to have sex," she adds to Buck.

Buck chokes on his cold hot chocolate. "What?"

"What? Sometimes you do."

"Um, yeah, not today. I'm good. How many times have we been here?"

"Let's see…this is sixteen, I think."

"How many times did you sleep with Buck?" Eddie asks, and her eyebrows go up.

"Oh, you already figured that out too? Good for you guys. Just three. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure you've forked him more times than I have."

All the blood drains from Eddie's face, which isn't exactly encouraging for Buck's future romantic prospects. But he has bigger things to worry about right now.

"Who are you?" he asks her.

"Taylor Kelly. I made some less than ethical choices as a journalist, so my point total was…not great. But I was also the whistleblower on some even less ethical stuff and got killed for it. My article saved a ton of people and literally made the world a better place, but then there was all the other stuff. The Good Place and the Bad Place and the Accountants argued about it for decades, and finally they agreed on this place. Eternal mediocrity, all alone."

"Wow," says Buck. "That sucks."

"It does. It also sucks that I have to explain this to you every time, so if you could move on to the next phase of whatever you're doing that would be great. I can't do anything for you. I don't know how to save Eddie's son, I don't know how to help anyone else, I don't know how to fix anything, and I don't really think everyone getting their own Medium Place would solve any of the problems you two have. And, yes, I think it's weird that they're using the point system to judge babies, but I don't know what you want me to do about it. Very much beyond my paygrade."

"Why don't we remember coming here?" Buck asks.

"I should remember," says Ravi. "I know everything."

"Not when you're getting reset every other month, dumb-ash," says Taylor. "Every time the two of you, plus or minus Chimney and Hen, figure out what's happening in your neighborhood, Bobby starts it over. And half the time, you end up back here, bothering me. I don't actually know how often you come here, don't quote me on that. It could just be like a quarter of the time. But it's sixteen times total."

"And then what happens?" Buck asks.

She sighs. "Then you feel bad for running away or for abandoning your friends or your kid or your other relatives or whoever and you go back to try to save the universe."

"Not the whole universe," Buck protests, "just--"

"The people in the Bad Place," Taylor finishes, in unison with him. "Yeah, I know."

"What is happening in our neighborhood?" Eddie asks. He's still glaring at her a little, and it has Buck's stomach fluttering. He kissed back, and now he's jealous.

Which is silly, because Taylor is pretty, but he and Eddie are soulmates.

Taylor gives him an unimpressed look. "I don't know, what do you think?"

"You definitely know."

"Okay, but it's not my job to tell you. You've figured it out before, you can do it again. I believe in you."

Eddie makes a face. "I don't really think you do."

"No, but I also don't care. Robot, I can't remember, do you have a penis?"

"Not a robot," says Ravi. "And not currently? I probably could."

"Come on, we'll figure something out. Might as well get laid while I have the chance."

Ravi considers this. "Sure."

Everyone's consenting, so Buck doesn't feel the need to intervene with whatever trainwreck is going to happen there. He turns his attention to Eddie instead.

"How many times do you think we've done this?" Eddie asks. He sounds tired.

"At least six."

He rubs his face. "Shirt, Buck. No wonder I can't see Chris. Who knows how old he is if we just keep doing this."

"Or maybe time really is weird."

"Have you actually been happy since you woke up here?" Eddie asks. "Like, really, actually happy?"

"A couple times." He wets his lips. "Kissing you."

"That doesn't count."

"Why not?"

The hurt must come through in his voice, because Eddie's expression softens. "Because that didn't have anything to do with the neighborhood. You make me happy, but they don't get credit for that."

"Do we need to talk about that?" Buck asks, mostly because he wants to hear Eddie say more about how Buck makes him happy.

"Focus."

"On what?"

"What do we find out that makes Bobby reset the neighborhood?"

"It can't be that we don't belong there," says Buck. "Because he'd know after the first time. He would just send us to the Bad Place. Why would he keep us?"

They both realize it at the same time; he can see the understanding dawn in Eddie's eyes just as it comes to him.

Still, Buck's the one to say, "We're already in the Bad Place."

*

They put together the pieces while Ravi is gone, although Buck knows they still don't have the full picture. It makes sense, though; the real Good Place wouldn't be so stressful all the time, right? He wouldn't be constantly worried he didn't belong, he wouldn't be overthinking, he…

Well, maybe he would. Would being in the Good Place change his personality? Probably not. But if he knew the rules and believed that he'd earned his way and knew that other people were there too, he'd probably be okay. And maybe Bobby lied about what things were like. Maybe there is a real Good Place, and it's better than where they got put.

But then there's Taylor, alone in her house with her weird beverages and her medium life. That seems real, and if that's real, the system is still stupid and broken.

"Why do you think we keep telling Bobby we know?" Eddie asks. "We know it gets our minds wiped, but we keep doing it."

"Well, I'm a really bad liar."

Eddie snorts. "Yeah, that checks out."

"But also…what else can we do? We have to get him on our side, right?"

"On our side?"

"Whatever we're doing, we can't do it alone. We need Bobby. We already got Ravi."

"Do we? We don't know that. He came with us, but he doesn't know that we know yet. Maybe he just came along to try to keep an eye on us."

Buck considers this. "I don't think he'd be getting laid right now if he was supposed to keep an eye on us."

"Well, if you weren't going to fork her…"

"Eddie."

"What?"

"You can't be mad that a different version of me slept with Taylor and also refuse to talk to me about how I feel about you."

"I can't? It feels pretty easy."

Buck knocks their knees together. "Three times. And she knew we were a thing. You're my soulmate."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"If we're right and we're in the Bad Place, you think soulmates are real? That was probably just another thing Bobby came up with to mess with us. I finally figure out what I want and I can't even have it."

"You can, Eddie. You've got me. And you keep getting me, even when we lose our memories. I keep coming back to you. I know that wasn't the first time I kissed you."

Eddie's mouth twitches up into another one of those little smiles of his. "You thought that too, huh?"

Buck doesn't resist the urge to kiss him, but he keeps it quick and chaste. "Maybe we're not really soulmates, I don't know. But I love you anyway."

It should feel too fast, but they've done this before. He knows they have. And he's sure, in a way he can't quite explain, that he always ends up in love with Eddie Diaz. That he always will.

"We probably don't have enough time to hook up, huh?" Eddie asks, clearly trying to play it cool even as a silly grin takes over his face.

"Not to brag, but I can be very fast when I want to."

Eddie's still laughing when Ravi comes back, looking completely normal and polished and not at all like he just hooked up with a morally gray journalist in her weird limbo of an afterlife.

"So, what's the plan from here?" he asks.

"I think we go back," says Buck. "And we talk to Chimney and Hen, and then we talk to Bobby."

"And then we get rebooted again?" Eddie asks, sounding dubious.

"Look, Bobby's the one who keeps doing this, right? We keep figuring it out, and he keeps restarting it. So there's still something he's looking for, or he'd just send us to the regular Bad Place."

"Wait, the regular Bad Place?" asks Ravi.

"We can fill you in on the train," says Buck. He's still looking at Eddie. "Taylor already told us that what we want never changes. We always come here and ask the same questions and try to do the same things. We want to help people. And Bobby has to know that too. And sooner or later, he's going to want to help us."

"Is that based on anything other than blind optimism?" Eddie asks, but his voice and smile are fond. Like maybe all he needs is Buck's blind optimism.

"Not really."

"Cool," says Eddie. "Let's do it."

*

There's a part of Buck that's expecting old school devils with pitchforks and horns to be waiting at the train station to take them to Bad Place jail or something, but when they roll back into the neighborhood, it's just Bobby waiting for them, his usual placid smile on his face.

"Welcome back. How was Taylor?"

"Very enthusiastic," says Ravi.

"I can't believe he got laid before I did," Eddie grumbles, and Buck pats his shoulder without taking his eyes off Bobby.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure, why not. You won't remember it, though. No Howie and Hen this time? Just the two of you?"

It feels a little like being caught in the surf, not just like being underwater, but trapped, unable to figure out which way is up, with the ocean roaring in his ears. But there's also an eerie kind of calm to it. He's been here before and survived it.

"We should probably grab them," Buck says, like they're talking about going out to dinner. "They'll want to know what happens."

"They won't remember either," says Bobby. "But sure. It's always more fun when all of you are around. Really great group dynamic."

He leads them through the eerily quiet streets. Buck can't help wondering if, as soon as the train leaves, Bobby just empties the place out. Maybe it's all over now but the shouting.

They spot Chimney--Howie, the cat is out of the bag, apparently--and Hen lingering outside Hen's building. To Buck's surprise, Karen is there too, even though no one ever really included her as a part of the gang. Buck had assumed she and Tatiana were both on Bobby's side, no matter how well Hen and Karen seemed to get along.

"What's going on?" Hen asks, as soon as they're close enough. "Where did you two go? Where did everyone go?"

"They're around, just taking a break." Bobby raises his eyebrows at Karen. "You didn't want one?"

"No, I want to hear where this goes. I'm thinking about switching sides."

"Of course you are. Well, we can do it in my office. That's traditional."

"Is anyone going to tell us what's actually happening?" Hen asks as they start walking again.

"This is the Bad Place," Eddie says. "And we're all being tortured by our inability to help people."

"That wasn't actually the original torture plan," says Karen. "See, Bobby here used to be human."

That's new information for everyone; Howie is the one to say, "What is he now?"

"Something in between," says Bobby. "First and foremost, I am an afterlife architect. But I was so good at torturing myself, they thought I should have a chance to do it to other humans."

"And you said yes?" Buck asks, trying not to sound too horrified.

"I thought it was an improvement," Bobby says, to his surprise. "Would you rather have your penis flattened for all eternity?"

"Uh, what?"

"Penis flattening," says Karen. "Classic torture, works on basically every human with a penis. I actually worked in penis flattening for a few millennia myself."

"So you're…?" Hen starts, but doesn't bother finishing. She must have known, on some level; Buck suspected. But it's still weird to hear her talking about spending thousands of years flattening penises.

"It's weird that you can say penis, but not cork or deck," Buck muses.

"Not the point, Buckley," says Hen. "Karen?"

"I'm a demon. Bobby thought I'd be the perfect torture. Exactly your type, but I'd annoy the shirt out of you."

"Oh, exactly my type?" Hen asks. "Someone's awfully sure of herself."

Karen just looks at her until she folds.

"Okay, yeah, exactly my type. Including the annoying know-it-all part."

Karen smirks. "Exactly."

"So, Tatiana was a demon too?" Howie asks. " But she didn't like me enough to stick around? I'm starting to feel a little left out. How come Buck and Eddie get each other?"

Bobby shakes his head. "Because any time I set Buck up with another soulmate, he confessed that he didn't think he belonged here within twenty-four hours. Eddie is the only one who ever convinces him to wait."

"We went through ten reboots before Bobby got him out of intake," says Karen. "I was sure this place was never going to get off the ground."

"Now I feel bad," Howie jokes. "I was willing to keep on lying."

"We did have to switch the fake backstory from Buck to you," says Bobby. "Don't worry, it doesn't make you a bad person; it just means you have a sense of self preservation. You're also a bad person, but it's unrelated."

"And Buck can't lie for shirt," Eddie adds.

Bobby holds the door to his office building open for them. "Also that."

"Why are we even doing this?" Hen asks. "Why don't you just wipe our memories and start this all over again? That's what you do, right? I'm all caught up?"

"I always like to hear Buck's pitch," says Bobby. "It's like snowflakes: no two are exactly the same."

"Did I know you were human before?" Buck asks. "That feels important."

"No, I don't usually share that. This is Karen's first time joining us for the post mortem."

"What happened to you? Were you, like, a serial killer or something?"

"Mass murderer," he says, with a tight smile.

Buck's jaw drops. "Wait, really?"

"Really. I burned down my apartment building. Killed 148 people, including my wife and two children."

For a second, everyone is quiet, and then Buck says, "That's not really murder, though. Wouldn't it be manslaughter?"

Bobby does not look impressed. "That's not a particularly meaningful distinction."

"The higher ups in the Bad Place noticed he didn't care much about getting tortured. Mostly seemed to enjoy it," says Karen. "At first we thought he was just a pervert, but…"

"I knew I deserved it," says Bobby. "It was actually kind of a relief. I lived for a few more years after they died, tried to make up for it the best I could, but nothing really helped. Dying and going to Hell was actually a relief. And the Bad Place saw the potential in trying to pioneer a psychological torture. Again, I thought some people would prefer it."

Buck clears his throat. "But you don't think the people who died in that fire deserve this, do you? To be tortured forever, one way or another? Most of them probably are, right? In the Bad Place?"

Bobby nods. "I checked, after the first time we made it past twenty-four hours in this neighborhood. The first time you tried to convince me that humans didn't deserve eternal suffering."

"And?"

"And they're all in the Bad Place. Every single one. Including my children."

"Fork," Eddie breathes, and Buck knows he's imagining his own son, his own guilt.

"Okay," says Buck. "Okay! You have to hate that, right? That has to eat you up."

"It does."

"And punishing yourself doesn't help you, right? You can never punish yourself enough to make up for this, and as long as they're in the Bad Place, you will always be punishing yourself."

"You're right." His mouth tugs up on one side, the way Eddie's does sometimes. Thankfully, Buck doesn't want to kiss him, but it makes Bobby feel familiar. Not like the echoes of other versions of the neighborhood he has sometimes, but something different. Something new and almost unbelievable. "I've been on your side since the first time you asked me, Buck. Since the first time the four of you stood up and asked me why it had to be this way. I thought the most I could do was give everyone this," he says, gesturing around them. "This fake Good Place, full of people's fears and anxieties. I thought it was better than the alternative. But you're right: we don't have to stop there. We have to keep trying."

"This is all very inspiring, don't get me wrong," says Howie. "But if you've been on our side all this time, how come you keep resetting us and torturing us?"

Bobby smiles, and Buck follows his gaze to Karen, who's nodding as if she knows exactly what's happening.

Buck can't really relate.

"Because he's a human," she says. "He's biased. No one would ever listen to him about human goodness. They'd just assume this whole thing was a long con to help his family."

"Exactly. I needed to know you could convince someone other than me. Karen seemed like the most likely convert."

"Oh, you didn't think I could convince Tatiana?" Howie asks, dripping sarcasm. "I thought we had a real connection."

"I've been throwing demons at you, hoping one will stick. Why do you think I keep trying to break up Buck and Eddie? I wanted better odds of winning them over."

Buck moves closer to Eddie unconsciously, and Bobby rolls his eyes.

"I know better now, don't worry. And we're done with this, anyway."

"We are?" Karen asks. "No offense, but one demon, one architect, and four humans against the entire afterlife? I don't like those odds."

"And a Ravi," Ravi says, making everyone jump. "Don't tell me you forgot about me."

Buck had, and judging from the way everyone else reacted, he's not the only one.

"I think this is a great idea," Ravi goes on. "It's almost certainly going to end in disaster, but that's no reason not to try, right? Most things end in disaster, statistically speaking."

"Not the best inspirational speech, Ravi," Eddie says. "You should work on that."

"I value accuracy over optimism," says Ravi. "But like I said, I'm all in. Let's do this."

"Uh, what exactly are we doing?" Buck asks Bobby.

"I was thinking we could try to find a Judge," says Bobby, the capital letter clear in his voice. Buck hasn't encountered Judges yet in any of his research, but it seems pretty self-explanatory. "Argue our case. After all of Buck's speeches, I've got a lot of arguments lined up. What do you think, Karen?"

"I think Ravi's right, and this is going to go so, so badly. But yeah, let's find a judge. Ravi, train?"

"Already here."

Karen claps. "Perfect, let's go."

Ravi takes the lead, with Karen, Hen, and Howie following, and Buck, Eddie, and Bobby bringing up the rear. Something is buzzing under Buck's skin, hope and anticipation and that particular joy that comes from finally doing something, after having to stand still for too long.

"How many times did you reset us?" he asks Bobby.

"This was seventy-eight. I honestly thought I'd need a lot more. At least two hundred. But Karen really likes Hen."

Eddie clears his throat. "Do you know anything about Chris? Honestly."

"Just that he's still alive and living in LA with his mother. I'm sorry, Eddie. We're not supposed to worry about things like that. I wasn't lying about that. I would have," he adds, unapologetic. "But I didn't have to."

"We're not supposed to worry about things like the people we love?"

Bobby shrugs. "Things like that, yes."

It's Buck's turn to cough and jump into the conversation. "And, uh, soulmates. Those aren't real?"

"No, those were mostly to torture Eddie."

"Me?" asks Eddie, looking annoyed. "Like, me, personally? Not Chimney?"

"It worked on all of you, to varying degrees. But you were my direct inspiration. You couldn't hand me all those years of repressing your sexuality and not expect me to throw platonic male soulmates at you until you snapped."

"How long did that take?"

"Twenty-two cycles. But I think you accepted it faster every time after that. Even without your memories, you were starting to come to terms with it."

"So it was just bullshirt?" Buck asks, trying not to sound disappointed. "Us being…"

"We like the idea of soulmates because we like the idea of fate," says Bobby. "More than that, we like the idea of certainty. Knowing that we have someone and we've chosen correctly. That things will work out because they're meant to. It's comforting. But it's not real."

"Couldn't let us have one good thing, huh?" Buck says, mostly nailing the teasing tone.

"Soulmates aren't real, but love still is. It's just not declared from on high. You make it." He claps Buck on the shoulder. "If you want a soulmate, work for it. That's the only way to get one."

And then he speeds up, deliberately, so he can walk with Ravi.

"I still think it means something that you were the only person who could keep me from telling Bobby to send me to Hell," Buck decides.

"Yeah, it means that you're an idiot," says Eddie, but his tone is all fondness. "I can't believe you were too honest to get psychologically tortured."

"Don't be jealous."

"Not jealous, impressed. I'm still not sure this is going to work, but…we have to try, right?"

"Yeah. I don't know how to not try."

"I know." His fingers find Buck's, and he tugs until they're holding hands, loose and easy. "And I love you for that."

Buck grins. "Just that?"

"Not just that. I don't know how much time we're going to have, especially not for…us. But I want to work for this. For you. And, you know, the fate of humanity. Both of those."

Buck laughs. "Me too. Maybe not in that order." He squeezes Eddie's hand, the train coming into view in front of them. Ravi and Bobby are already boarding, and it feels final, whatever this is. Unlike when they went to the Medium Place, Buck doesn't think they're coming back. "Ready?" he asks.

"Not even a little." He throws Buck a smile. "Let's do it anyway."

Buck exhales, looks back over his shoulder at the neighborhood he never really learned to love. Not really. But apparently he's been here for a while, and it's where he met Eddie. Where he met all these people, who are going to go with him to try to make a difference. To make things better. That's not nothing.

Then he turns back to Eddie and smiles. "Yeah. Let's."

And they climb up onto the train to speed into the unknown.