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Hongjoong enjoys quiet nights at the studio. He loves the empty hallways, and the low humming of the air conditioning breaking through the otherwise silent building. Tonight is another all-nighter for the rapper.
He’s been in since shortly before 10 am. By now, it’s nearing midnight and Maddox just popped his head into the room letting Hongjoong know he’d head home. That leaves Hongjoong the last one in the studio. Yet again. Not that he’s complaining though. He feels content, bobbing his head to the beat in his headphones, fingers drumming on the desk in front of him. The track is almost done, and he is just finishing up a few chords in the bridge.
Suddenly, there’s a static noise in his ear, followed by silence. Hongjoong curses under his breath and rips the headphones off, glaring at them as if it’s not his own fault he keeps forgetting to charge them overnight when he leaves. Damn those Bluetooth things, he should just go back to good old cable headphones. Sighing, he yanks open a few drawers, looking for a charger.
Yet a charger is nowhere to be found and Hongjoong curses again. Others would probably see this as divine intervention and a sign to pack it up for the night leave but not Hongjoong. He doesn’t believe in signs. What he does believe in however is his relentless stubbornness and work ethic.
He quickly goes through his options before jumping to his feet. Well not exactly jumping. More like heaving himself up from where he’s been slouched at his desk for the past 14 hours. Gritting his teeth, he presses a hand into his lower back. When was the last time he took a break? Technically, this counts as a break now and it’ll have to do. He quickly grabs his phone and keys before setting out on his mission of finding a charger.
If anyone has their stuff in order and doesn’t drown in chaos like Hongjoong, it’s Park Seonghwa. Lucky for Hongjoong, they’ve just moved Seonghwa into one of the smaller studios down the hall and the older has already managed to turn it into a Lego Museum slash sanctuary, topped off with fluffy pillows and scented candles. He gave Hongjoong a candle, too, for the “cozy vibes”. Hongjoong had snorted at that but he still lights the candle. It’s kind of comforting when working on late nights like this.
Anyways, Seonghwa’s studio it is. Walking down the hallway, Hongjoong is quiet. He even tries to take light steps, even though he’s completely alone. The closer he gets to Seonghwa’s studio though, the more nervous he feels. Seonghwa and him have always had a bit of a complicated history. From fighting a lot during their early days to making out in hotel rooms during their first tour, to settling on being “friends” after the pressure of being an idol in the spotlight became too much, to being roommates and parents to six other boys to well – this.
Whatever energy is between them, it has never been clear. Or easy. Sometimes it’s awkward as hell, especially on broadcasts or in front of the camera. Because Hongjoong is so scared. Scared that someone will see the way he looks at Seonghwa when the other isn’t looking. When his heart beats out of his chest and all he wants to do is take Seonghwa’s hand, thread his fingers through Seonghwa’s and just hold him.
But Hongjoong can’t do that. He can’t because they’re ‘just friends’. A sentiment he abhors to his very core. And yet he tries his best to be Seonghwa’s friend. He even puts on a bit of a grumpy front sometimes, all to distract him from the ugly feeling rising in his throat. He can’t stop his jealousy when Seonghwa leaves the dorm in the evenings or boasts on broadcasts about his other idol friends. It leaves Hongjoong pacing his bedroom before finally grabbing his keys and wallet and fleeing to the studio.
And would you know it, soon enough this move took a turn for the worse as well. Because now Seonghwa claims that Hongjoong is never home and announces on a livestream that he misses the younger. The collective dorm split hasn’t quite made things any easier either. Packing had been awkward and tense. While Hongjoong had hauled all of his stuff into boxes within a day, Seonghwa had taken several weeks, removing things from the space little by little, making it less personal, more cold. The analogy is not lost on Hongjoong.
The last thing Seonghwa packed were the pictures of Hongjoong that he kept around the room to ‘remind him of Hongjoong when he’s away at the studio’. Hongjoong hadn’t been there for Seonghwa’s final stretch of packing. He had purposefully chosen to spend that night at said studio, drowning his thoughts in heavy beats.
The last night at the old dorm, Wooyoung had forced everyone to a movie night. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and so Hongjoong found himself on the cough, squished between Wooyoung and Seonghwa, sewating to death under the fuzzy blanket Wooyoung had thrown over them.
They watched Mamma Mia, as of popular demand (San, Wooyoung and Mingi threatened Hongjoong to blast the soundtrack for weeks to come if they wouldn’t get their way. Fast forward an hour, Wooyoung was curled into San’s side, snoring away. Hongjoong suppressed a snort before glancing over at Seonghwa. Despite not being on the ‘Mamma-Mia--or-else’-commando, the eldest seemed mesmerized by the movie. There was a soft smile on his lips, as he mouthed along to the lyrics.
Hongjoong also noticed a big gap between them on the couch – well as big as there could be, with Woyyoung’s backside pressing into Hongjoong’s thigh, slowly pushing him closer to Seonghwa. Meanwhile movie neared it’s dramatic finale: Everyone being up at the church and Donna outside on the cliffs.
A new song picked up- “The Winner Takes It All”. Hongjoong suddenly felt Seonghwa tense and – as the song continues – he swears he could feel the other fiddle with the blanket. When he looked over, Seonghwa swallowed and turned away. Soon after, the eldest even got up and excused himself to go to bed early. The actions had confused Hongjoong but there had been no time to think about them, as their schedules were busier than ever and the moving taking up all of Hongjoong’s down-time.
Since that evening, Hongjoong has seen Seonghwa solely ‘at work’ – either at photoshoots, recordings or broadcasts but they hadn’t really had a one-on-one talk since moving. And Hongjoong misses Seonghwa, of course he does. Living with Wooyoung and Jongho is fun, but it always gives Hongjoong’s heart a little stab to come back to his empty bedroom. Which is probably why he’s hibernating at the studio even more nowadays.
Reaching Seonghwa’s office, Hongjoong knocks twice. Not that the other would be in at this time but still. When there’s no answer, Hongjoong quickly types in the code on the keypad – 0711 – his birthday. He’sn never thought too much into it, hasn’t allowed himself to do so.
In the studio, he quickly locates the charger, grabs it and pulls the door shut behind him as he steps back into the corridor. Looking up the hall, he can see a faint strip of light under the door to the recording room. Odd. All the producers have gone home for the day, Maddox being the last one to throw the towel twenty minutes ago. Frowning, Hongjoong walks down the hall, heading towards the recording room.
Lucky for him he neither believes in signs from a higher power, nor paranormal activity (even if his vists to haunted houses in the past have tried to prove him differently. Someone probably just forgot to turn the lights off.
Despite being totally chill about this, Hongjoong’s heart is hammering in his chest – before coming to a screeching halt as he pushes open the studio door. The producer chair is empty, yet the lights on the keyboard are blinking. But the biggest shock comes from recording booth.
Behind the thick glass and soundproof wall stands Seonghwa, obviously immersed in a song that Hongjoong can’t hear. Seonghwa’s long hair is a mess and he’s wearing thick-rimmed glasses. His eyes are screwed shut as he delivers what Hongjoong perceives to be a heartfelt performance, judging from the way the eldest pulls his hands into fists.
Without registering what he’s doing, Hongjoong walks over to the producer’s chair and sits down. He should probably alert Seonghwa of his presence – or leave altogether- but his eyes are glued to the other and a wave of emotion threatens to crash over him.
Before Hongjoong has time to gather his senses and take his leave, Seonghwa’s eyes snap open. Hongjoong can’t hear him through the glass, but it looks like the older gives a small yell, jumping back from the mic.
Now he’s looking at Hongjoong with wide eyes, blinking a few times as if to make sure the younger is really there and not an optical illusion. At this point, Hongjoong finally snaps into action. Not taking his eyes off Seonghwa, he leans forward towards the big mic on the producer’s table and presses the button, so he can talk to Seonghwa in the recording booth.
“You want me to leave?” his own voice comes out throatier than expected and he swallows. He doesn’t know why but the really hopes Seonghwa won’t make him leave.
Apparently, Seonghwa seems to be caught in the same trance as Hongjoong. He shakes his head and, after a second of contemplating, points at the headphones next to the producer’s mic. Hongjoong gets the message immediately. Carefully, he puts the headphones over his ears as Seonghwa gestures at him to press play. He then takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.
The opening chords have Hongjoong freeze in his chair. His breath is suddenly stuck in his throat and he feels his mouth go dry. Seonghwa delivers the first notes in a sharp clarity that seems to grab the heart in Hongjoong’s chest and clench it.
“I don’t wanna talk / about the things we’ve gone through / Though it’s hurting me / Now it’s history”.
The Winner Takes It All. During the movie night, Hongjoong had absolutely not paid enough attention to see the correlation of the lyrics to their situation but watching Seonghwa sing the song has him breathless.
When the first chorus comes on, Seonghwa opens his eyes and looks directly at Hongjoong who can’t look away. He is still frozen in place, gripping onto the chair for dear life. He doesn’t know whether to run away and hide under his desk or to throw open the door to the recording booth and hug Seonghwa so tightly the other could feel his erratic heartbeat. He does neither of these things though but continues to stare back at Seonghwa, into his big eyes that are glazed over with emotion as he dives into the second chorus.
“The game is on again / A lover or a friend”.
Hongjoong can’t breathe. How could he not know?? These lyrics explain Seonghwa’s behavior at the movie night and Hongjoong wants to slap himself in the face for being so naïve. The other in the meantime seems to pour his entire soul into the song, he’s closed his eyes again, cradling the mic between his hands.
“I don’t wanna talk / because it makes me feel sad”.
Blinking his eyes open, his lips pull up in a small smile as a tear falls from his lashes and rolls down his cheek. Hongjoong hasn’t eve noticed how his own eyes have started burning and he blinks rapidly a few times.
“And I understand / You’ve come to shake my hand”. Seonghwa sings quietly, voice cracking slightly.
Yet he seems to gather himself again, gaze finding Hongjoong’s.
“I apologize / if it makes you feel bad / seeing me so tense / no self-confidence / But you see / the winner takes it all”.
Hongjoong doesn’t even realize he’s jumped to his feet before the chair knocks against the wall behind him. He is gripping the desk now, still staring at Seonghwa who has extended his arms to the side, signing out his lungs, never breaking eye-contact with Hongjoong.
“The winner takes it all / The game is on again / a lover or a friend / a big thing or a small / the winner takes it all”.
The room seems to be spinning, Hongjoong and Seonghwa caught up in this moment of uncertainty – and hope.
The spell finally breaks when Seonghwa takes his hands back on the mic and quietly delivers the final note. When his voice fades out and he takes off the headphones, Hongjoong is enveloped by silence. He blinks a few times, letting his gaze wander around the room. Seonghwa seems to share the younger’s uncertainty, wringing his hands together and adjusting the glasses on his nose.
Taking a deep breath, Hongjoong gestures at Seonghwa to step out of the booth. Hesitantly, Seonghwa shuffles towards the door.
Hongjoong doesn’t know what to say. What he does know though is that he somehow has to express the fluttering in his chest. Before he can stop his feet, he’s taking strides towards Seonghwa who meets him halfway and wraps him in a bone-crushing hug. Hongjoong has never been the physical type, least of all with Seonghwa. But right now, he can’t get close enough to the elder, burying his face in Seonghwa’s neck and gripping onto his T-shirt.
Seonghwa finally pulls away yet remains so close that Hongjoong can feel his breath on his face. “Did you like it?”, Seonghwa whispers. He suddenly looks unsure and moves to take a tiny step backwards.
Without thinking of an answer, Hongjoong reaches out to pull on Seonghwa’s shirt and crashes their lips together. He hasn’t kissed Seonghwa in years and all the emotions of the past seem to bubble to the surface and take him over.
For a second he’s scared that Seonghwa will push him away, yet the other only whines in Hongjoong’s mouth and pulls him even closer. “I missed you so much”, he breathes between kisses, “missed us”. Hongjoong can only hum affirmingly, too busy to melt into Seonghwa. He never wants this moment to end. Only now does it dawn on him how much they’ve drifted apart and how much he craves Seonghwa’s closeness.
“Need you”, he grits out during moans as he slowly pushes Seonghwa until his back hits the wall of the studio. He presses the other into the wall, slotting his thigh between Seonghwa’s legs as he licks to his mouth.
“Please Joong,” Seonghwa whines, rutting his hips against Hongjoong’s thigh, making the younger groan into the kiss. “You’ve always been mine”, he breathes and Seonghwa moans in response, threading his fingers in Hongjoong’s hair and beckoning him even closer. “Yours,” he sighs. Their tongues slide together and Hongjoong feels himself get lost in the moment more and more. All he can feel, smell and taste is Seonghwa.
After what feels like hours, Hongjoong finally pulls away from Seonghwa, grabbing onto his hands.
“I-“, he starts before closing his mouth again. He has no idea what to say. Hopefully, Seonghwa got the sentiment through their impromptu makeout session.
Seonghwa squeezes his hand and gives him a small smile. “It’s okay, Joong, I know.” “It’s always been us, Hwa”, Hongjoong rushes, feeling a sudden burst of encouragement to confess his feelings for the other once and for all. “You and me. No one else.”
Seonghwa’s blinking, his eyes are glossy again as he puts one hand on Hongjoong’s cheek. “I know,” he whispers. “It will always be us.” He leans n to capture Hongjoong’s lips in anther kiss. This one is slower than their first but Hongjoong can’t help himself from choking up.
“Be my lover, Seongwa”, he says, pulling back slightly. “Not my friend.”, he continues, staring at their intertwined hands, “but my boyfriend. Please, will you be my boyfriend, Seonghwa?”
When the other doesn’t immediately respond, Hongjoong looks up, his heart jumping in his chest. Has he gone too far? But Seonghwa is smiling. He’s grinning from ear-to-ear before he lets out a giggle.
“What?” “Hongjoong asks, “What’s so funny?” He feels himself being taken over by a strange floatiness that seems to bubble in his chest.
Seonghwa just shakes his head, still grinning. “Yes,” he says finally, squeezing Hongjoong’s hands again. “Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend, Hongjoong.” Now it’s Hongjoong’s turn to grin uncontrollably. He wants to dance on the spot or yell through the entire studio that they’ve finally made it, that Park Seonghwa is officially his boyfriend. Guess the winner does really take it all.
Instead, he yanks Senoghwa into another kiss, pulling his lower lip between his teeth before grinning like an idiot. “I love you, Seonghwa.” Seonghwa’s face is close to his as he giggles again. “I love you, too, Joongie.”