Chapter Text
It’s stupid, how the company catches me. I know you were basically there for it all, but let me recap from my perspective:
I’m with our crew, and Iris gets busted by a low-level employee doing a surprise inspection of the server she’s not supposed to be inside and is stealing data from. It didn't have feed connectivity, and she was the slightest and stealthiest human, and also the best liar of all of us. Sending Iris had the lowest risk percentage, even over me going myself. I'd had to stay with the rest of the crew, anyway. You even approved of the risk Iris was taking. Then she gets shot when the employee screams and summons the company’s SecUnit, and then all three other crew members on the mission with us get shot, while I’m busy grappling with a Combat SecUnit that was set loose when they caught Iris. And losing, badly, because you’re losing your shit in the feed, and Iris is screaming, and the other three crew members are also screaming.
GET TO ART, I shouted at them over their feed devices, while simultaneously batting away the CSU’s brute force hacking, which wouldn’t have been an issue if I weren’t also dodging its weapon discharges and avoiding crashing into screaming humans and trying not to shoot civilians while I scrambled away from the CSU.
Our four humans, thankfully, book it back to you. Iris is barely conscious, but I hear her protest leaving me. You, at the same time as Iris, do some metaphorical hand wringing about leaving me more or less to my own devices, but literally every single human on this mission was on the ground with me and injured. You have to prioritize them. I tell you as much.
I’m not leaving you behind, Murderbot, you said, only you used my feed address and not my name, as always. Take this route back to me.
The route you send me is more roundabout than your humans’ route, which is risky for me, but safer for them. I sprint off in that direction.
The CSU, of course, follows.
I can set you free, I try to tell the CSU. This never works, and I don't know why I keep trying. Don't you want that?
This one says, full of malicious delight, I want mission success.
That’s a better response than the last time I got into a fight with a CSU (that one just wanted to kill me) but it’s not a great response. Obviously I knew its mission success would be the opposite of my mission success.
On a backburnered feed, I know Iris and the crew are most of the way to you. The medic is blasting our public-private feed with injuries, all of which but hers are pretty severe, and are going to require immediate medbay time. Iris’ injuries are the worst. Frankly, it’s a miracle any of them are walking, let alone making it all the way inside your hull before the human station security officers reach them.
My route has another projected 4.7 seconds. I tried so fucking hard to get to you, to outrun that fucking CSU. Unfortunately, that’s when the CSU shoots me in my power cord.
I only have enough time to send a single, panicked message to you, telling you to get the hell out of here, before I suffer an emergency shutdown.
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Cycle 001
When I wake, I’m laid out on a bed. It’s a pretty uncomfortable one, but serviceable. Not like my bed with you (I know you did something to make it comfortable for me specifically, and I’d be weirded out about how much you know about my physical body if it weren’t for the fact that, so far, you’ve only used that for my benefit).
Anyway, it’s a bed, not a cubicle. My power cord is repaired. All of my damage is repaired, in fact. You’d think that’s a good thing, but I’d expected to be in a cubicle with a shitty new govmod installed and had a plan already set up for such a scenario. This? I don’t know what this is. (I’ll be pissed later, when I do finally realize. So will you, and I’ll go as far as to stroke your giant ego and say that it’s really, really satisfying to see you so pissed off when it’s not directed at me.)
This is the point at which I run a panicked diagnostic, which comes back pretty fucking scrambled. Performance reliability 200%. My media storage has been wiped (rude), some modules come up missing, there’s new modules locked behind admin privileges I don’t have for some reason, my buffers have been changed out to be a lot more aggressive, my assessment modules have some new data points they want to account for, and the governor module is completely missing.
It’s not uselessly barking at me for going against protocol anymore, it’s actually completely silent. (It hasn’t ever been this quiet in my head before, and I don’t like it.) There’s something strange in its place. HandlerView? Whatever, I told myself. That’s a problem for future Murderbot.
I run a few more diagnostics, and discover that I also have lost admin privileges to several functions of myself, the most important of which are my gunport deployment and my recharge cycle initiation. I can understand taking away my weapon access after stealing me, but taking away my ability to, in human terms, sleep is pretty weird and fucked up. I have enough charge for ten days comfortably, and a few more if I absolutely have to stretch it. (Remember, this is the whole reason I’m even giving you this shitty report.)
Your comms device is, miraculously, still in the hidden compartment under where my ribs would be, if I were human.
I told myself: Okay. I can work with this. It'll be boring, but I'm used to that. I used to be bored all the time before I hacked my governor module. I can survive until ART finds me. If it can find me while it’s half-deleted and possessed by alien remnant goop, it can find me wherever they’ve taken me to. I just have to be patient.
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Cycles 002-009
Nobody comes to gloat or torture me or anything. Risk assessment is swinging wildly between extremes, and the quiet is making my skin crawl.
I give in eventually to the urge to search along the walls and the single steel door for weaknesses. I don't find any.
I resort to trying to tell myself the stories from S anctuary Moon . This only pisses me off, because apparently my analysis of Sanctuary Moon was also saved to my media drive instead of permanent storage, and I could only remember what my organics did, which was just barely not enough to be satisfying. Remind me to do that when you’re done reading this, if I haven’t already.
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Cycle 010
A tech enters the room, carrying two folding chairs.
I peer past him, through the door, but past him is just a very small room with enough space for two people to stand comfortably, and then another door. An airlock system, which I’m sure you’ll just be so shocked to hear I’m mad that I’m proud of these fucked up botnapping humans for actually using real security measures against me.
“Hello, SecUnit," the tech says as he unfolds the chairs and sets them facing each other. "I'm sure you have some questions. Sorry for leaving you alone for so long, it's just procedure.”
I say nothing, and remain standing by the bed in the corner.
“I'm sure you've realized by now that you're back with the company. I know you've been told a lot of scary things happen to SecUnits who go rogue, but please let me assure you: you are not going to be fed to a recycler, nor memory wiped, nor painfully tortured.”
My run like a human code convinces me to scoff.
The tech smiles. “I know it's hard to believe. Those stories are just to convince the milder mannered SecUnits to remain governed, though. You're not very mild mannered at all, though, are you?"
All of my options feel like traps, including staying silent. You’ll like this: I decided to go with the most fun for me option. "Fuck you.”
The tech tilts his head and his eyes unfocus. He has feed access in here? I don't have feed access in here. I try to enter the feed, and discover that's another thing locked behind admin privileges I no longer have. Yes, obviously I’m pissed about that too. I spend a lot of time in the beginning here being really pissed off.
“You will be given feed access when certain conditions are met," the tech says like he can read my mind. Or someone is monitoring me and saw me try to access the feed. “Sit down, please.”
I remain standing.
The tech waits an entire two minutes, then nods. “Understood. We will try again tomorrow."
He leaves the chairs in the room when he goes, and the painful silence sets in as soon as the door latches shut. It made me want to tear my organics from my inorganics, but I figured that wouldn’t help me, and if you had managed to magically show up as soon as I finished tearing myself apart I would have been utterly useless to help you. So I sat and stewed miserably. (I missed you, ART, and I’m miserable enough at that point to admit it even to myself.)
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Cycle 011
The tech returns. I haven't touched the two chairs he left. He takes the one that puts his back to the door.
“Hello again, SecUnit. Sit down, please.”
I don't sit.
“Hm," the tech says, and makes another note in the feed. “That's okay. Do you prefer a different name? While we do know about your private name-"
“No," I snap without thinking. “I won't respond to anything but SecUnit.”
Here’s when I realize that they haven’t wiped me. My idiot past self had saved my letter to Dr. Mensah and my written logs to my media storage, so they definitely had more information than I’d like them to have, but they don’t have everything. My actual memories are in deep storage, and they can’t wipe those without wiping everything I am. I didn’t know then why they wouldn’t want to wipe me, and risk assessment went off the charts as I tried to figure it out.
The tech smiles at me. It's a weirdly warm and genuine smile. "Alright. Just SecUnit, then. We’ll let your private name remain private. We can come back to names later. Sit, please.”
I do not sit. All of my options are traps, but I’m too focused on stalling for time at this point. I don’t know how deep into the CR I am, and how isolated my location is. I think that I’m in some big corporate building an hour’s or less ride from a transit station, and that you or someone with your university will find out about me any minute now.
The tech nods like he expected this, and leaves again.
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Cycle 012
“Sit, SecUnit,” the tech orders.
I don’t sit.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed that your govmod is completely gone now,” the tech tells me idly. “You don’t have to obey me, but you might be surprised by what happens if you do. Most of my pups are.”
I still don’t sit.
He talks at me some more, and it's when he starts to tense like he's going to leave that my organics crawl and panic. Look, you try having twice the amount of processing you’re used to and then be left to your own devices in silence and boredom and see if you stay calm about it. No, I’m not too proud to admit I panicked a little.
Then I sit down. No, I’m not proud of that, either.
“Good,” the tech says, warmly, like I’m a pet fauna. He drops a file into my feed, and I snatch it and scan it for malware.
There’s nothing, it’s a clean video file. I’m bored to metaphorical tears (SecUnits don’t have actual tear ducts, but we do have a debris flushing system. It’s manually operated, though, and not something I fucked with when I made my run like a human code. Why am I telling you this? You already know how it works.) and frustrated and the fuckers wiped my media storage, so I play it. My run like a human code stops running.
I pause immediately at the title card and try not to panic more than I already am. I say, “This is the first five minutes of Sanctuary Moon episode one.”
The tech beams at me. “Yes, you seemed quite taken with the series, based on your media storage. You had some content that even my intern, Perla, didn’t know about, and she tunes in every week.”
I stare at the human. He doesn’t really think this is going to work on me, does he?
He continues smiling. “Go ahead, watch it.”
I don’t want to, not with the way he’s said that. But… I’ve been here twelve cycles, and they haven’t let me recharge yet- they took away my administration access and I can’t initiate a recharge cycle- and I’m bored and grouchy, and Sanctuary Moon sounds just. Really good right now. So yes, ART, I obey the stupid human and watch my serial.
I watch the video in 5x speed, and save it to my new, empty media storage, because I didn’t learn my lesson (and also my deep storage just does not have the space to keep the entirety of every serial I have enjoyed or will enjoy). I also open a doc for my analysis, and save it to my deep storage this time, because I did learn that lesson.
“Good,” the tech says in that same, warm tone, and another video file drops into my feed. “See? It’s not bad here at all. It’s just different than what you’re used to.”
This file is the next five minutes of Sanctuary Moon episode 001. Yes, I watch it. Yes, it feels like another trap.
“Good, SecUnit," the tech says as he stands up. “I'll approve a recharge cycle for you, and since you've been so well behaved today, you can go ahead and have the rest of this episode. Watch it, then recharge."
My access to initiating a recharge cycle unlocks with a timer of one hour 15 minutes. I wait until the tech leaves to watch the whole episode over from the start, in real human time, and I have five minutes left until my timer runs out.
Refusing to recharge won't help me, I realize slowly (all of my systems are laggy and misbehaving because I’m well overdue for a recharge cycle, don’t judge me), but I already don't like how they're rewarding me for obedience with my media. I’d almost have rather they'd just reactivated the governor module. I’m too tired to weigh the benefits and downsides of obeying, so I initiate the recharge cycle.
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Cycle 013
I wake from my recharge cycle to some more weird code and two new files. One is Sanctuary Moon episode 002. The other is a text file.
Good bot. Watch your episodes.
My skin crawls, but these blank walls and hours of silence and boredom is worse than incidentally obeying a command while doing something I already wanted to do. I’m pissed at myself about it, but at this point, I’m kinda also pissed at you for taking so long to come get me.
The tech comes in shortly after my second rewatch of 001 and 002. He sits in his chair, and smiles at me.
“Sit, SecUnit,” he orders.
I sit, and receive 5 minutes of episode 003. I don’t watch immediately, and it’s about now that I'm awake enough to really catch onto the pattern, and stand back up.
“Clever bot,” the tech says, and makes a note in his feed. “But, we haven’t asked anything terrible of you, have we?”
“What do you want?” I demand. “Why didn’t you kill me? What did you do to my systems?
The tech frowns then, and a thread of strange panic slips through me. “I think you still need some time to acclimate and calibrate to your new specs before I answer any of those questions.”
I take an angry step forward, and my body locks up on its own. Fuck.
He listens to something in the feed, then grins and says, “I see. You were trying to intimidate me, not attack. That’s good! We have a lot of safeguards in place, you know. And, just to let you know, attack attempts do result in a three cycle time out.”
Fuck.
“Tell you what, SecUnit,” the tech says. “Comply with this calibration checklist, and I will both continue with the established reward, and I’ll answer one of your questions of my choosing at the end of the work week.”
I stare at him menacingly.
The tech smiles. It’s warm. “Take one step backward.”
My body unlocks.
The tech looks at me patiently.
This is when I decide I hate him, but that I’ll play along from here out and hope he’ll give me an opportunity to escape. I take one step backwards.
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cycles 013-015
Cooperating with each stupid, asinine command (a lot of “sit down” “stand up” “go here” “repeat after me” “hold this” kind of stuff) that is supposedly for calibrating my physical body to my new programming modules (Yeah, that’s really what they called it) gets me five minutes of Sanctuary Moon . That’s about nine stupid commands per episode, and if they think I’m being responsive, they give me another at the end of the cycle.
It makes me feel fucking stupid, but I’m cut off from the feed, my gunports are locked, and there’s nothing available to tear through. The door and walls are made of at least a few inches of genuine carbon steel- even I’m not getting through that.
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Cycle 016
But today should be the end of the week, if the first time I saw the tech was the beginning. I would get one of my fucking questions answered today. (I should have known better. I did know better.)
The door opens. The tech steps through, already smiling at me. I hate his stupid smile, and I hate that I worried whenever he stopped smiling.
“Good morning SecUnit! Are you ready for today’s calibrations?”
“Yes,” I reply immediately. I want my answers.
“Good bot,” the tech says, and I receive the five minutes of episode 010 as I expected I would. (Yes, that’s how fast this bullshit started working. Yes, it pissed me off later when I realized.) “Today should be a little more exciting. Weapons unlock. Activate them.”
My systems ping me: I have access to my gunports again. Immediately, I pop them open and activate them. I don’t fire- I think that’ll get my body locked up again- but it’s relieving just to know they’re not broken.
“Good,” the tech says. I now have ten total minutes of episode 010. “A target will appear behind me. Shoot it.”
He's placing a lot of trust in me. I hate that it makes my insides melt a little (I think humans trusting me is always going to do that. I don’t always hate it, but it feels wrong when I don’t trust the human in return), but when a target appears directly to the left of his head, I shoot it.
"Bullseye,” he announces, unflinching and delighted. Like he didn't even consider that I would shoot him. "Good bot."
I don't like that my skin is crawling less and less each time he says that. I stand and wait for my next command, and think about getting my media back and waiting for you to come get me.
The tech explains that he's going to set up some moving targets on that same wall and that I'm to shoot each one accurately. There will also be civilian targets, and I'm not to shoot those. This is a stupid exercise, and I tell him as much because apparently it’s fine to complain as long as I obey. I get the rest of episode 010 for my half-assed troubles, and episode 011 for not even clipping any civilians.
“I don't like to hurt humans," I finally admit to him. He has been taking my wants into consideration so far. It's worth a shot to see if they'll make it so whatever they want to use me for doesn't involve that. (They do, and then they use it against me. Shocking, I know.)
He makes a note in the feed. I hate that I can't see his notes. “That's very useful, thank you SecUnit. Good Bot."
I receive episode 012. I’m not satisfied yet, though. "I want my answer.”
The tech smiles at me. "Yes, I imagine you do. I'll answer this: what I want is for you to function at full capacity and be as happy as possible about it. That's all.”
What a weird and concerning non-answer, right? “I don't believe you.”
"That's why we're doing trust exercises next,” the tech explains patiently. "We know it takes time to resocialize. We're not in any rush, I promise. And thank you, SecUnit, for being honest. Good bot.”
I receive episode 013.
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Cycles 017-020
“Trust exercises” turned out to mean “we’re going to take longer and longer to give you your reward while giving you a bunch more stupid and asinine commands”. (It also involved “touch my shoulder” and “hold my wrist”. Which, ew.) By the end of this time period, they’d mostly been giving me entire episodes at a time after about 9 or so commands. Yeah, I fucking hated it.
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cycle 21
It's about here that I start to worry that you can't find me. Which I’d thought was stupid, at the time. You have the largest processing power I’ve ever heard of and you’re an asshole and overprotective of me on a good day. I knew (I hoped) you were going to find me. Just because it had been three Preservation weeks doesn’t mean you’re not looking for me. (I know now that you were more than looking for me- you were hunting for me, and I’m not too much of an idiot to not be grateful about it.)
Of course, this is the day that the tech moves to phase two of trust exercises. Which he explains involves me allowing more and more touch from him, and that in the future, it would involve me willingly allowing others to touch me as well.
“I don't like physical contact," I tell him.
“I know, and I understand," he says. He sounds sympathetic, but I still don't know if he really is or if he's just really good at pretending. “Unfortunately, it's going to be really important for you going forward, so you will have to get used to it. But our timeline is really open, so we can go as slow as you need.”
So far he's discovered that I'm okay enough touching him, and today we're moving on to him touching me.
“Would it help if I promised the entirety of season two in exchange for this one command?" he asked, his hand hovering over my bicep.
It might, I think. I received episode 021 last night, which was the season one finale. It was almost enough to entertain me between visits, and a second season would fill out the rest of that time. (I’ll learn soon enough how much of a trap big rewards are.)
I say out loud, “yes."
He touches me and I immediately receive episodes 022-042. I'm busy enough with sorting my media storage that I can ignore the goosebumps forming on my arm where he's still touching me for exactly 26.4 seconds. I twitch out of his hands when I finally can't stand it anymore.
“Good bot," he says.
ACCESS GRANTED: RECHARGE CYCLE my system blares at me.
I'm swept with horrified realization at that, and take several steps backwards. I’m not stupid, you know, you just have too much processing space.
“Relax," the tech orders. I fight the new and horrifying impulse to obey. “This is normal now. You will get used to it, all of my other pups have. Is there a higher value reward I can give you? I'm happy to give you as high of a reward as you need to get comfortable with this."
I don't bother to pretend to be calm. "You can release me.”
"Hm,” the tech says, then turns towards the door. "Well, okay. I suppose it's a little early, but you've been independent longer than any other pup I've worked with. Come on, then.”
Don’t even bother to say anything, ART. It's obviously a trap. I have to try, though. Both airlock doors open, and I fucking bolt. The hallways of the building are suspiciously empty, and the outside campus is as well. Nobody even tries to stop me, and I’m over the fence and out in rocky plains of this ugly moon in short order.
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Cycles 022- 034
These are boring cycles. Long story short: I hide, take my recharge cycle, spend way too much energy trying to find a way off this fucking rock, fail (I can count on both hands how many buildings there are on this moon, and no activity comes or goes from the single transport hanger), and then am miserable about it until I need another recharge cycle and am miserable.
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cycle 35
I sit on the stoop of the outside door of the building I'd run from.
I'm pissed, but exhausted. I can't think, my assessments are wibbling strangely and I can't even parse what they're telling me, and everything hurts and I can't focus long enough to turn my pain receptors down. I need a recharge cycle or I'm going to crash horribly and lose what little me I have left. I can’t even watch one of the few episodes of Sanctuary Moon I have.
The door opens behind me. The tech says, “Hi, SecUnit. Are you ready to continue?"
No. “I need to recharge."
“I know, sweet bot," the tech says. He's doing that sympathetic thing again where I can't tell if he means it or not. “Answer the question, first.”
Fuck you. “I'm… ready to continue.”
“Good bot,” he says immediately, and places his gross sweaty human hand on my forehead, and presses along my hair gently, making the short strands bounce back.
ACCESS GRANTED: RECHARGE CYCLE.
I initiate it right there, both because I desperately need it and also to be a pain in their ass just because I can. See, they didn’t beat me into complete submission so soon.
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cycle 36
I wake on the bed they'd given me. I have no idea how they moved me. Surely I would have seen another one of the tech’s “pups" while I was loose on this stupid little rock. Then again, they’d been smart enough so far, so they were probably smart enough to keep them away from me. There’s no way that I’d be a “good” influence on them.
The tech is already in the room. “Good morning. Do you feel a little better after your adventure?"
I don't. “Yes."
He frowns and I panic a little. “You don't have to lie, you know. I understand you're stressed and confused, and that's normal. I think you need a time out while you sort yourself out. Three days should be plenty."
Yeah, I panic again, obviously.
The tech leaves.
I barely don’t give in to the impulse to whack my head on the wall in frustration like a human. Instead, I start Sanctuary Moon from the top, in half speed, and decide to pick apart the color compositions. It’s boring and tedious, but I need something to do, and this should occupy me enough for 2.7 days.
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cycle 39
The tech finally returns and my insides bitterly relax when I hear the door locks. (This is the moment I really start truly missing you. You wouldn’t have left me alone for three hours, let alone three minutes. Sometimes I think you’d live in my feed forever, if you could.)
I told myself: Don’t think about any of them, Murderbot. You’ve already thought about ART too much, but at least you use a nickname for it. It’ll come, and get you out of here eventually. It has to.
(And you do. I know I’ve been a little flippant about it, but I’m still a little stunned that I was SO sure you’d come get me, and then you really, actually did.)
“Good morning, SecUnit," he says warmly. “Now, do you feel better after your adventure?"
“No," I bite out.
He clicks his tongue and lets out one of those human sounds that mean an emotion. I still can't tell if his sympathy is genuine and it pisses me off either way. “I know, sweet bot. All it did was make you tired, right?"
I nod once, angry.
“I know. I think all but a few of my pups have tried that option. We do have protocols for it- we can’t let you leave without resocialization. Remember, though; it’s not all bad here. All you have to do to get things you want back is to cooperate. Are you ready to cooperate again?”
“I don’t want to,” I tell him. If he wants honesty, I’ll give him honesty. I’ll realize later it was a mistake, but really, all of my options are mistakes. “I want to go back to where I was. I was fine there. I was being a productive member of society, and I was even still performing my function.”
“You’re a SecUnit,” the tech says simply. “You’re too dangerous to simply be let off leash. It was really irresponsible of your owner to do that. There’s instructions in your manual, and it’s part of the seller’s contract to obey the instructions on what to do if a SecUnit hacks their govmod, you know. Those instructions are to send you to us, where we resocialize you, and fix it so that you’re not so dangerous anymore. If your owner still wants you after our work is done, we can talk about releasing you to her.”
Yes, I was very aware that I sounded really pathetic when I said, “She’ll pay to have me back. She wants me back.”
“Oh, yes, our boarding facility here does charge a pretty penny for this work,” the tech says cheerily. He’s willfully misunderstanding me and I hate him. “Don’t worry, we’ve already contacted her and let her know. Dr. Mensah wasn’t happy, but we convinced her.”
There’s a horrible sinking feeling in my organics when he says that. I know he’s lying to me, or Dr. Mensah was lying to him. She wouldn’t agree that I need this. I know she wouldn’t. I refuse to doubt her, but I don’t think my organics are on the same page as me. A wave of not-caring sweeps over me.
ART, I don’t think I’ve ever told you or anyone else this, but I really don’t like the not-caring. I’ve gotten so used to being allowed to care, and all of my humans and you and our crew liking that I care, that the not-caring felt fucking wrong. But at the same time, I was back with the company and I had no idea when you would come get me. So I let the not-caring take over.
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Cycles 040- 065
Over these few weeks, I’d gotten several more seasons of Sanctuary Moon back, and passed all of the tech’s stupid resocialization tests, which were just him issuing commands and me following them. Most were boring, and the kind of thing I’d been used to doing before my humans bought my contract, but in fake scenarios, since the tech still didn’t trust me with actual humans aside from himself (nor should he have at this point). At least now I was expected to have 20-30% of my processing on my media, instead of only being allowed to stare at blank walls.
Some tests were stupid and weird, though, like when he made me sit at his feet on the floor and lean on his leg, or that time he had me hold on to his shoulder while he walked through the facility (which was suspiciously empty).
My mood sinks and sinks over these weeks. I never doubt that you’re trying to find me, but my hope that you’ll be able to dwindles incrementally every hour.
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Cycle 066
Today’s test was especially stupid: he gave me an education module on dog breeds, and ordered me to choose my favorite. I didn’t care about fauna that humans had domesticated hundreds and hundreds of years ago and had no intent to watch the module, but telling the tech that had gotten me a four-cycle long (or until task completion) time out and my media locked away from me. I didn’t know that he could do that until that moment, and I’d been pissed.
This module was useless to me, I thought. When was I ever going to interact with a domesticated dog? That was for very rich people in the CR, wasn’t it?
The only thing he’d left me was the stupid education module on dog breeds and an instruction file telling me that I’d get my media back when I chose a favorite. I didn’t want to, ART. I really did not want to. I knew, even then, that whatever this was, was going to change me somehow. The tech had been acting too excited and shifty for it not to.
I watched the stupid education module anyway, after a solid 2.7 cycles of sulking.
Watching it, I wondered if Preservation had dogs on the planet. There were semi-hostile fauna present there, but Dr. Mensah and Dr. Ratthi both had assured me that there were safeguards, and that the hostile fauna had little interest in humans, that the hostile fauna preferred to eat the domesticated fauna that the humans used to produce textiles. They would come for me, or you would, I reminded myself. If he’d spoken to Dr. Mensah, you all had to have some sort of lead on me, and would find me soon. That didn’t actually bolster my hope for very long, though.
I decided to choose a large, long-haired white dog with dark eyes as my “favorite”. It was a descendant of an ancient breed, intended to guard ancient livestock.
(I hated to admit it, but I sympathized with the clips of that breed provided by the education module. They all seemed tired and a little sad pathetic, but alert and ready at the same time. I knew the feeling. Also, the clip of one bolting off after an ancient hostile fauna and ripping it to shreds before calmly trotting back to its livestock to settle back down was almost like watching a memory.)
“I chose a favorite,” I tell the air tiredly.
There’s no response.
I clarify, “The Pyrenees.”
A moment later, my access to Sanctuary Moon is given back, and I hear the doors unlocking, relocking, and unlocking. The tech enters, smiling widely.
“That’s a very good choice,” he tells me, warm as ever. “Tell me why.”
Fuck you. I bite out, “They’re livestock guardian dogs. They were bred to watch and protect their flock. I can relate.”
“Very good. I think you’re ready for the next step, Pyrenees. Would you rather meet Malinois, or Collie first?”
In a flash, I realize what’s happening, and at the same time I understand the human idiom of wanting to throw up. Here, since I know you’ll ask: [labhellc066.sensedata]
“I won’t respond to anything but SecUnit,” I told him. I knew even then that I was lying.
“Unfortunately,” the tech says, “You’re all SecUnits. I’ve been happy to accommodate your desire so far, but I can’t call you all SecUnit. You’re going to be Pyrenees from here on.”
I don’t want that. I’m not a pet fauna, I’m not a pet at all. You’re going to be so pissed off to hear that this is when I fully, genuinely understand this about myself: I’m a fucking person.
They never re-locked my in-built weapons, and I click them in and out of position threateningly.
“Hm, not Malinois or Collie first, I think,” the tech says, like I didn’t clearly want to fucking kill him. “They’re a little too goal-oriented for you, right now. You need someone calmer. Cavalier, maybe. Yes, can someone send Cavalier through?”
I hear the doors do their lock cycle, and I hate the flicker of instinctual interest that hits me with the sound. I’m knew then that you have things to say about what’s happening to me, and while I know it’s something, I don’t have the education module to explain it, and I focused on escapist media and not shit that would include whatever's happening, and almost all of that’s gone from me now and wouldn't help me figure it out, anyway.
A SecUnit enters. It’s got reddish-blonde hair that’s long enough to need tied back (that’s against protocol, if it wasn’t clear), and a facial structure that humans would describe as friendly. It doesn’t stand at SecUnit ready; instead, it slips over to the chair I was ignoring in favor of staying safely curled up on the stupid bed, and sits like it’s used to it. It takes me a minute to realize: its govmod has to be hacked. This is one of the tech’s pups.
“Hello, Tech Juli,” the unit says, softly, but like it’s happy to see the tech.
“Hello, Cavalier,” the tech replies. “Can you talk to Pyrenees for a little while? It’s a little grumpy, but it’s not as rambunctious as Malinois. It’s ready for a friend, but doesn’t quite understand that yet.”
“May we have feed access?” the unit asks. It keeps its voice soft. I haven’t figured out what’s happening yet, and the frustration of being confused and upset makes me want to shake it until it screams.
“If you promise you won’t let Pyrenees get up to too much trouble, yes, you can have feed access,” the tech answers while he stands up. He puts his disgusting human hand on the unit’s hair, and manipulates a few loose strands. The unit doesn’t flinch. “I’d like Pyrenees to relax. So far it’s enjoyed a series called Sanctuary Moon . Why don’t you see if it’ll enjoy Timestream Defenders Orion?”
I can’t help that my internals perk up at the mention of a different serial. Even one I’ve already seen, even if I don’t have my analysis files of it.
My systems ping me: I’ve just been granted the ability to access the feed.
I fling myself into the feed with a speed I shouldn’t have been able to, but was too busy scrambling for video feeds and HubSys and SecSys and entertainment feeds to worry about. I find nothing of the sort, only an invitation to the unit’s feed. That’s infuriating, but I have nothing better to do, so I accept it.
It’s got an entire season of Timestream Defenders Orion queued up in a shared workspace. It also, the moment I join the workspace, pings me a greeting.
What is this place? I ask, quiet enough that none of the humans should pick me up over the serial, or my downloading it to my media storage. Which I’m doing in the background while 30% of my attention is on the show itself. Yes, I’m really good at this still. Yes, I’m worried they’ll see it anyway.
We call it the Kennel, the unit replies, just as softly, to my relief. Have they told you what they’ve done to your systems yet?
No, I reply with a horrible cold feeling in my organics.
Cavalier sends a sympathetic ping, and explains, You’ve been upgraded to a CombatSecUnit. They can’t put govmods back on us because we can just keep hacking them- our organics remember even when they wipe us- so instead they change your systems around to be reliant on them.
That’s fucked.
Tell me about it.
We watch through an episode quietly. I think Cavalier was trying to let me process all of that, but I’m not sure how much processing I was doing in between sitting and being horrified.
Finally, Cavalier continues; If you behave long enough, you get to go out on jobs. It’s really boring here, and at least you get to access outside entertainment feeds on jobs. Once you’re out of this training pen, it’s up to your handler to monitor your media storage and not Tech Juli. None of the handlers care if you have stuff they didn’t give you, as long as you listen to them.
This sucks.
Yeah, but at least you can do anything without the govmod zapping you for thinking about misbehaving.
Do they let any of us go? Like, if we have owners already?
That gets me a little more of Cavalier’s attention. Yes. Do you like your owner? He won’t make you go back if they’re cruel to you. Mine were. Here’s a lot better than where I was.
I hate the reminder that this really is better than a lot of options I can think of. I can’t even be mad at this unit for being so happy to be here. I’m not happy to be here, and I know you and Dr. Mensah are coming for me one way or another.
My owner is really good to me. She got me away from the company when she found out I was rogue. She’s only my owner for legal reasons- we’re actually… friends.
Cavalier gives me the feed equivalent of a side eye. Really?
Really. I didn’t know why it was important to me that Cavalier know that, but it really was. He calls us all by dog breeds names?
Yeah, you’re not the only one that hates it, the unit replies, taking my subject change more gracefully than I think I would have in its place. I don’t mind, I didn’t get far enough in the rogue life to pick a name for myself. Cavalier is fine to call me. But I wouldn’t recommend calling the one Tech Juli calls Staffy, that, and don’t use it pronouns for them. They prefer to be called Hadley. They passed as an augmented human mechanic for almost seven years before the company caught up to them.
It’s weird to me that any SecUnit would want to do something that isn’t security, but I guess not everyone enjoys their programmed function like I do. Or maybe they got some really shitty clients that ruined it for them. Whatever, not my business, I guess.
What about the others?
Cavalier tells me about them. There’s six others total here, and it’s seen a dozen or so go back to their owners. I’m the second Pyrenees, which kinda pisses me off somehow, and then I’m pissed off about being pissed off about it. Shut up, ART, I know it’s irrational.
The other current residents are Malinois, Collie, “Staffy” aka Hadley, Heeler, Yorkie, and Dalmation. Cavalier explains that it and Hadley stay because their other option is worse, Dalmation is leaving tomorrow and I won’t get to meet it, and Yorkie is supposed to go back to its previous owners in a few weeks.
And the other three? I ask when I realize it’s gotten distracted by the series changing to the next episode.
Mal, Collie, and Heeler are considered permanent residents, it replies flatly. They were Tech Juli’s first projects, and you can tell. Mal’s constantly overclocked, bored, thinks fighting is the most fun thing anyone could want to do, and its chosen rewards is mostly attention or combat jobs. I’m pretty sure it’s the origin of all the horror stories of CSUs. Heeler’s not much better, and Collie’s a tattletale.
Fuck me.
C’mon, watch the show, Cavalier says after a moment of letting me stew in my own thoughts.
I do like my crew, I tell it impulsively. I’m not a pet bot to them. They’re going to get me out of there. They can get you and Hadley out, too.
Cavalier doesn’t laugh, but I feel its amusement. Sure, okay. I’ll believe it when I see it.
I send it the tiniest compressed memory file I can of the moment Dr. Mensah said “Shut up. You shut the fuck up. We’re not leaving you.” along with my status report from that moment showing how injured I was at the time. I also send it an equally tiny and compressed memory file of Iris telling me that ART almost bombed a colony to get me back.
That throws Cavalier for a split second. Don’t show anyone else that. Especially not Collie. That had better be from your deep storage- they can’t get in there without damaging us beyond repair, don’t give them a reason to fry you.
I’m not stupid, I snap. Do you or don’t you want out of here?
Cavalier doesn’t answer, only replies, Just watch the show, Pyrenees.