Chapter Text
"Hope you are resting in peace Dad." Tanjiro said, facing his beloved father's grave. He had a sad smile on his face. "I wish you were here to celebrate New Years with us, watching everyone happy." He sighed but smiled brightly nonetheless. "But don't worry." He assured. "I'm doing my best to take care of them. I'll make sure they have a good New Years." His face softened. "I miss you Dad. Now excuse me. I have charcoal to sell. It won't sell itself." He chuckled as he returned to his house. His dad's grave was just next to their house. They didn't want him to be far from them.
Tanjiro hefted the basket onto his shoulders, feeling it shifting on his back with the familiar weight of charcoal.
"Tanjiro, come here, dear." His mom's gentle voice called him. "Your face is covered in soot." The red-haired boy turned to his mother, who was stepping out of the doorway. She raised her arm, cloth in hand, wiping his fair skin clear of the invading black dust.
"Thank you, Mom." Tanjiro said, smiling. "I have to go now though."
Kie furrowed slightly. "You know you don't have to go Tanjiro, especially in this snow."
"I know." Tanjiro assured her. "But I want everyone to eat their fill on New Years, so I'll sell as much charcoal as I can." His grinned at her.
Kie smiled softly. "Thank you Tanjiro. You are a good son" She said as she hugged him and planted a kiss on his forehead. She wished him well on his journey. "Good luck, Tanjiro, be careful next to those cliffs, alright?"
Tanjiro’s voice reassured her. "Of course." He said. The back of his checkered haori began to turn and face his mother, but is interrupted by three complaining voices.
Takeo was glaring at his elder brother as his younger siblings rushed up to Tanjiro. "Nii-san, let us come with you!" Hanako cried, joined by Shigeru.
Kie faced her other children, a stern but soft frown on her face. "No you can't. You can’t walk as fast as your brother, and he can’t take the cart today to carry you when you’re tired." The two of them made protesting whines before turning to their brother, their pomegranate eyes glimmering in hope.
"Nii-san!" Shigeru ran to his big brother, clinching on him.
"Please let me go with you, I promise I'll be helpful!" Hanako joined, pleading her big brother with her innocent puppy eyes.
Tanjiro chuckled. "Sorry Hanako, Shigeru, you can’t come with me today." Hanako made a discontent whine while her younger brother clinged to Tanjiro’s haori and buried his face in it even further. The redhead patted his little brother’s shaved head comfortingly. Takeo scooted closer, sheathed axe in hand.
"When I'm back, I'll read to you, Hanako." The eldest Kamado son said softly to his little sister. Making the little girl brighten up.
"And you, Shigeru, I'll buy you a lot of snacks when I'm home, okay?" Tanjiro said, patting his little brother's head.
"Really?"
Tanjiro nodded, making Shigeru chuckle. Tanji always keep up his promises.
Tanjiro turned to his eldest younger brother. "Takeo, can you chop as much wood as you can?" He asked gently.
"Yeah, I'll but... I was hoping we could go chop wood together you know." The messy haired boy pouted, cheeks puffed out.
Tanjiro’s expression was apologetic. "I’m sorry Takeo, I did too. But I wanted to let you guys have fun on New Years more."
"I know, I just-" Takeo sighed. "I wish you wouldn’t go." He wanted to spend time with his older brother, but he was constantly overworking himself, wich irritated him.
Tanjiro reached out his hand and ruffled Takeo’s spiky brown hair. "It's okay. There you go."
"Hey!" The boy squawked embarrassedly. Only to be patted by Tanjiro's other hand.
"Take is blushing!" Shigeru pointed out. Making his older brother blushing even harder.
"Shut up!" Takeo protested, making siblings laugh. Tanjiro chuckled along. Takeo gave him a quick glare before breaking out in giggles himself.
After all of them stopped laughing, Tanjiro addressed his siblings. He spoke to Takeo first. "Takeo, I promise I’ll come home as soon as I can, alright?" The redhead vowed. Takeo nodded while grinning. "And Hanako?" His sister looked to him. "I’ll buy you new stories and read them to you when I get back. And I’ll bring back a bunch of goodies for you, Shigeru." All three of them smiled and stood next to their mother, waving to Tanjiro as he stepped through the snow away from the house.
A familiar figure stood a few meters away, her dark hair tied up in a bun and a pink kimono wrapping over her.
"Nezuko!" He called. Tanjiro walked a little faster, stopping in front of her. She smiled, shifting their youngest sibling, Rokuta, on her back to sit more comfortably.
"Onii-chan! Are you going to town?" Nezuko asked. Tanjiro nodded, earrings brushing his neck with the movement. "I was just going to put Rokuta down for a nap. He won't stop doing a mess while you are absent. He started feeling lonely since Dad passed away a few months ago." She told him with a sad tone, looking back at the sleeping tiny boy on her shoulders. "You know Tanjiro, the others have really started looking up to you, especially after Dad died."
Tanjiro's expression softened as he put a warm hand on his brother’s head, smiling as he slept peacefully. He turned back to Nezuko. "Well, guess I’ll be off now, I have already visited Dad's grave." he said.
"Good luck, Onii-chan! Come home safe and don't overwork yourself!" Nezuko exclaimed as he proceeded down the mountain path.
"Nezuko!" Tanjiro called her from a distance. The younger girl turned to her older brother.
"I promise I'll buy you a new kimono when I'm back!" He shouted. Making Nezuko softening and smiling warmly. "Thank you!" She shouted back.
Both of them walked to their destination.
Their life was hard, especially with six mouths to feed. But Tanjiro loves his siblings and mother. He wouldn't trade them for the world and he would do anything in his power to keep them safe, happy and full. It was his job as the eldest son and the man of the family, of course.
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Tanjiro reached the town fairly quickly, and he was immediately assaulted by a young man running from an older woman. He was accused of breaking the dish. Using his exceptional nose, he resolved the conflict between the two of them soon enough by proving the man’s innocence, telling the pair that it was actually a cat who had shattered the red dish.
As more of the townspeople took note of his presence, they all either asked him for favors or charcoal, and the boy would give them both. Time passed by, and darkness descended upon the houses. Tanjiro slipped the last few pieces of yen he had gained from the charcoal into his purse, hefting the empty basket onto his back. He waved the last villager goodbye before trudging up the snowy white trail.
"I am glad I got to buy all charcoal." Tanjiro said happily with a pride.
Since it was dark now, Tanjiro felt nervous walking up the trail. The moon hanging in the starry sky was the only reason he could see at all. He didn’t think he would be able to see if there was an edge next to him, just waiting for him to drift too far to the side without realizing.
"Hey, Tanjiro!" A rough voice called from a small square of light visible just off the path. "You shouldn’t be walking around at night. Stay this night in my house till sunrise." The boy recognized the old man leaning out of the window as an old family friend, Saburo.
Tanjiro hesitated. On one hand, he didn't want to stumble his way through the darkness, only to end up at the bottom of a cliff, but on the other, he had promised his siblings he’d be home by now. He stood there, torn.
Saburo didn't let him choose though. "Come and stay." He insisted. "Before the demons come." The last line jolted Tanjiro. Demons? He glanced up the shadowy trail, the trees slowly fading into the blackness. There was no such thing, he was sure. But it was darker now, and he wouldn’t be able to be sure of his footing.
Tanjiro turned back to the old man. "Alright." He told him, "I'll stay."
Saburo gave him food and told him about the human-eating demons. Monsters from his Grandma's stories. He didn't believe it much. But giving Saburo's serious tone, he knew better than scoffing off. He wished his family was safe.
As he put his head in the pillow he couldn't help but think about his family. Were they safe? Are they waiting for him?
He couldn't give any more thoughts as he was fast asleep.
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"Thank you for having me, Uncle Saburo!" Tanjiro thanked the old man. Putting his basket on his back. A few rays of sunlight began to appear through the snowy weather.
"Don't thank me. Now go. I'm sure your family is waiting for you." Saburo waved his hands to the teen.
Tanjiro made his way through the snow to the mountain.
'Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath. Why though?'
He sighed at the memory as he made his way to his home.
Suddenly his nose picked up a scent.
Blood's scent.
He ran as fast he could to his house, ignoring the icy breath hurting his lungs. It wasn't the smell of the blood from a hurt knee or a small wound. It was overwhelming.
'Please be okay!' He begged mentally.
His breath was caught in his throat as he watched his house... Destroyed.
His eyes widened when he saw a small body laying on the ground.
Rokuta were on the ground. Laying lifelessly as snow fell on his body, and he was in pool of his own blood.
Tanjiro let out a scream as he let go of the basket and rushed to his sister and brother.
"Rokuta! What happened?!"
"What's going on?!" He turned his gaze to his house, and he immediately regretted it.
He was met with a sight he wished he never saw and he knows it will stay in his memory forever.
He entered the house, only to find a massacre. The walls were painted by red blood. Their bodies were twisted in unnatural positions It seemed as if no matter where he looked, he could not avoid the details of his family's demise. His mother, smashed into the wall with Hanako behind her. Takeo, draped over Shigeru. Rokuta in the snow, His family was dead. They had just been laughing yesterday morning. They had just been together yesterday morning. They were all living the best they could, in their home in the mountains.
Their home was not their home anymore.
'Mom...
Hanako...
Takeo...
Shigeru...
Nezuko...
Rokuta...'
He mumbled their names over and over again. Until he realized something.
'Nezuko... Were is she?'
He tried to get her scent but there was none and the only scent that he got was the overwhelming scent of blood.
'Could it be that whoever did this took her with him? Is she somewhere else? Is she safe, afraid, dead, alive?' He wondered in his mind as it raced with thoughts. Things that he didn't want to think about.
But as looked around, the copres of his family haunted his mind. And in the snow, he spotted Nezuko's ribbon.
His eyes were filled with tears as he raced to it and took it in his chest tightly as he screamed in agony.
Out of all his siblings, Nezuko was the closest to him. She was the only one besides his mother who would notice his lies or scold him when he overworks himself. She would literally drag him from his ear to let him rest. She would share her food with him despite him insisting that she needed to eat when there weren't enough food. She would ask him to comb her hair, wich he enjoyed doing because it always drew a smile on her face. She would take the eldest sibling role when he was absent. Taking care of their siblings and helping their mother. She was the first one to greet him, because she would be waiting for him for hours and wouldn't be able to sleep until his return. She would be the one cheering him on when he was feeling down. She was the one he was comfortable enough with sharing secrets and emotions with. She would put his head on her lap and pat his head gently while muttering words of courage and comfort. He remembered the nights they would be sitting cuddled to eachother while wrapped in a blanket. Gazing at the starry night and chatting together.
'There is no way she would be alive... She must've died as well... Nezuko...'
'But what if she was alive. What if she needs me to save her?'
He shook his head to focus.
'I might not know what happened to her. But I will still look for her. If she was alive I'll save her, and... If she was dead... I'll take revenge from who did this then take back her body and bury her.'
He turned to his family. 'Is there a hope that they're alive as well?'
He, while it was pathetic and unrealistic, tried to check for a pulse. Any hope that anyone of them would be alive. Even if it was tiny..
He put two fingers in the neck of Rokuta... The small, tiny boy had no pulse.
Shigeru... No pulse as well.
Takeo... His eyes were open and Tanjiro knew he wasn't alive... But he checked anyway... No pulse.
Hanako... No pulse.
His mom... Nothing.
Numbness took over him as he collapsed on his knees.
His family as really dead.
He was alone.
He couldn't protect them.
His mom wasn't there.
His sweet little siblings were gone.
Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. He put his hands on the ground as he curled up on himself. He let out an agonizing scream. A scream full of anger, sadness and helplessness.
'Pull yourself together.' He tried to make himself strong. 'You are the eldest son. You must be strong.'
But what's the point of being strong if there weren't anyone to be strong for?
His family was his strength.
And now they are not here. He was left powerless.
He countinued sobbing, crying and screaming for about ten minutes straight. Until he could put himself together.
First he lost his grandma. He thought that it was because of her old age and he had time with her. Then he lost his father. Giving his poor health, he should have known that it was a warning that he's pass away soon. But he didn't believe (or didn't want to believe) until his father died in his sleep. But his family were alright. They did not suffer diseases nor they were old. 'I am sorry Dad. I couldn't save our family as I promised.'
'If I had known this would have happened, I could have tried to save them. I could have protected them. I should have rejected Uncle Saburo's offer. Instead, I slept soundly as my family was slaughtered! Did a bear get in? A bear that couldn't hibernate?'
'Why did I leave them to die?'
There was still a lot of things he was supposed to do with them. He was supposed to chop off woods with Takeo. He was supposed to buy Nezuko a new kimono. He was supposed to read a new story for Hanako every night. He was supposed to enjoy eating goodies with Shigeru. He was supposed to watch Rokuta as he grows and starts speaking finely.
But it was all gone.
The snow fell harder around him, settling on his clothes and on Rokuta's body in front of him. "Tanjiro." A calm voice, similar to his dad said. "It's not your fault. Pull yourself together and bury them. Their bodies will be buried by snow and they will get cold." Tanjiro found himself doing as he was told as he approached Rokuta.
'Rokuta will got sick if he played in the cold water. His nose wouldn't stop running for days.'
When he touched the youngest he froze.
'His body is so tiny. His hands are tiny and cold. His body will no longer grow. I won't be able to mark another hash on that wall.'
What kind of monster would do this to such a sweet kid?
He was only three years old!
Tanjiro drew in a sharp breath, the icy air cutting into his lungs. Each breath was a torture but he did not stop. He laid his baby brother next to the door. Walking away from them and the bloodied hut, he dug five graves.
When the graves were dug out, he walked back to the hut, hands shaking as he gazed at the bodies of his family that he would have to bury.
'How do I even start? Do I just choose? How do I even say goodbye to those I'd never imagine saying goodbye to?'
Despite the river of tears on his cheeks he took a deep and shaky breath, hiccups and sobs coming from his throat.
'I'm the eldest son. I'm the the firstborn, the older brother. I need to take care of them... For the last time. I need to make sure they rest and sleep peacefully.'
Returning to the wrecked hut, he gently took his mother's body. Very carefully, he picked her up and walked the small distance to the graves, next to his father. They couldn't bare to bury him where their ancestors lay in the family graveyard, as they would have to travel further to visit his headstone. He was glad for that now, as it seemed his family would be peacefully together again. Not to mention that he had no strength to carry the bodies all the way to the graveyard.
He buried his mom first.
His mom was the kindest and strongest woman he knew. She would always take care of them and comfort them whenever they needed her. Even after their father died she was still smiling for their sake. She wouldn't stop worrying about them, especially Tanjiro, knowing that her eldest son was overworking himself to fill up his father's absence. As a child she would always carry him on her back. She would even gave them her food and lie that she wasn't hungry. She would also sing lullabies to them or read stories before bedtime..
Next he approached Takeo's body. He put him closer to his chest as he closed his brother's eyes.
'You must have been terrified. You must have been in pain while I was sleeping soundly in Uncle Saburo's house.'
Tears fell down from his cheeks to his brother's cold cheek. He noticed that he was holding his axe when he was in the house.
'You must have tried to protect them. I'm proud of you, otouto.'
He knew that Takeo looked up to him more than anyone. But he always denied it. He knew that his brother was constantly watching him from afar when he thought he wasn't noticing while chopping off woods or preparing charcoal. Takeo loved his big brother and wanted to be strong like him but didn't have the balls to say it aloud. When Tanjiro wasn't around he would take the role as the man of the family until his return. Making sure his siblings wouldn't get into terrible or preparing woods for him when he returned. He always took chances to spend time with his older brother and would sometimes seek comfort in his big brother's chest. Especially when their Dad died. He would also tell Tanjiro not to overwork himself.
After he was done burying Takeo, he focused on Hanako. 'I am sorry I won't be able to read you the new stories I brought for you, Hanko.'
His littlest sister was a ball of energy. She always wanted to accompany him to the village with Shigeru and Tanjiro would use the cart to put them on it if they got tired. She looked up to him like all his siblings and would snuggle up to him during bedtime and request him to read her a story. He could never say no to her. He would read to her and patiently answer her questions when she cut him off. She would always fall asleep in the middle of the story with a smile on her face. A smile that Tanjiro promised to protect. It seems that he failed.
Then he approached Shigeru's body. 'You won't be able to eat the goodies I promised. I'm sorry Shigeru.'
Like Hanako, Shigeru was an energetic child and a ray of sunshine. He also took chances of accompanying his big brother to the village with the cart. He looked up to Tanjiro and always viewed to be like him. He also gave him the nickname 'Tanji'. He would never force his big brother if he couldn't buy what he asked and would constantly ask if he could help with something. He would sometimes join him and Hanako and cuddle up to them during bedtime story.
After that, he turned to the baby of the family. Rokuta had an angelic expression on his face. Tanjiro's heart broke ever further after seeing the three years old child dead. Rokuta was supposed to grow up. He was supposed to turn into a teen and outlive his family.
Rokuta constantly followed 'TanTan' as he loved to call him around. Tanjiro loved it when he feels a little weight on his haori, turning with a smile to find Rokuta looking at him with the biggest innocent eyes and toothy grin. He would sing lullabies to him to get him to sleep, and the child would sleep in a matter of minutes with a small smile on his face. As the eldest and the youngest, Tanjiro and Rokuta had a special bond. The little boy would always ran to his big brother when he did something amazing or saw something that made him confused and would ask him about it and Tanjiro would patiently explain it to him, praise him and pat his head.
It was only after the graves had been covered, stones chiseled with the names of those that lie under it, did Kamado Tanjiro allow himself to fully grieve.
He was truly alone.
He buried his family with his own hands.
He broke down crying in front of the graves of his beloved family. Mourning the loss of his loved ones. He was shaking and crying. The chilly breeze making him even more cold. But he didn't care.
'Dad. Mom. Nezuko. Takeo. Hanako. Shigeru. Rokuta. Why did you leave me?'
He was too focused on his grief that he didn't notice the person behind him.