Chapter Text
"Please, please be in a good mood," Alec muttered as he took a deep breath on his front porch with his hands trembling. He had no idea what reason he had to be nervous. By any account the letter burning a hole in his pocket was a wonderful thing and there was every chance it would result in a nice dinner. There was also a chance it would only result in a begrudging acceptance and a few awkward weeks. The third option that it was still a wonderful thing, but a wonderful thing he simply couldn't have. It wasn't as if they had tons of money left over and he was asking a lot.
"Darling, is that you?" The rich voice rang from their kitchen and Alec tried to make himself relax and remind himself that the owner of the voice loved him, completely and wasn't about to over react.
At least he hoped.
"Hi Magnus!" Alec called as he set his bag down on the couch and toed off his shoes. He ran a hand through his hair before shuffling into the kitchen where Magnus was munching on some pizza while flipping through the mail. He must have only gotten home moments before Alec himself had judging by the fact he still had his work uniform on with his tie undone and his shirt halfway unbuttoned.
"There's pizza here if you want a snack. No idea what we're doing for dinner." Magnus told him as he eyed the younger man. "How was your hike? Did you enjoy getting all sweaty and gross?"
"It was good," Alec said, trying to hide a smirk at Magnus's obvious distaste for any physical activity, especially if that activity was an outdoor one. "Jace nearly died but that's not really anything new." With the mention of his best friend a slight tension fell over the room and the letter burned again where it was folded in his back pocket. Magnus never cared for Jace, ever since the two of them had only been kids. Jace was a reckless rebel by pure definition of those words. He lived life on the complete edge and dragged Alec on more than one adventure and as they got older the adventures got progressively more dangerous and more than once he had found himself in quite a bit of trouble on the blonde's account. Alec loved Jace as a brother and found a kindred spirit besides their apparent opposite natures.
"Right, well then hearing that I'm glad to find you in one piece." Magnus tossed a crust back into the box which Alec picked up and nibbled on as the knots twisted tighter in his stomach. He knew he had to just tell Magnus about the letter because it was already almost too late and there was a lot to figure out before Monday morning. If he had any chance of going to Idris with Jace he had to act today as his best friend had not so kindly reminded him this afternoon on their hike through the woods. "What is that blonde idiot doing for school this year anyways? Will never told me what they had decided."
"Well," Alec began as Magnus opened the perfect segue to what he wanted to talk about. "he actually managed to get accepted into Idris."
"Seriously?" Magnus paused mid stretch and his arms fell with a flop to his sides as he stared in disbelief. "Like the private school Idris?"
"The one and only," Alec said with a tongue that felt like sandpaper. He stumbled to the sink and blushed as Magnus examined him with his sharp green gaze as he always did. Magnus was the only person who could always see through him completely with Jace being a close second. He grabbed a glass with shaking hands and it slipped through his fingers to smash on the floor at his feet. He stood completely frozen in horror and only sprung into action when Magnus cursed and went to get the broom. He knelt down to pick up the larger pieces and was stopped by a clatter and warm hands on his wrists. His eyes snapped up to meet golden green and he knew his anxiety had been found out.
"Come over here and tell me what's wrong with you," Magnus said gently as he tugged Alec carefully over the glass and over to the sofa. Alec immediately curled into a corner of it with his back firmly pressed into the corner where back and armrest met. The previously annoyed eyes held only concern as Magnus sat on the cushion next to him and laid a tender hand on his calf while rubbing gently up and down to soothe his agitation. Alec had terrible anxiety problems and he got worked up about the most ridiculous things (which Magnus never called ridiculous but Alec wasn't stupid) but normally around the older man it wasn't as bad. He had been living with Magnus for eight years now and he was still afraid to ask for what he truly wanted, always afraid it would be the one thing that was simply too much to ask and he would be off to a different home to try and pick himself up again. He didn't think he'd ever get better than Magnus if he was honest with himself.
"Magnus..." Alec began but his voice trailed off hopelessly as the words just wouldn't form.
"I felt something was coming. You've been on edge for a few days," Magnus mused softly as he waited for Alec to speak. "You know you can tell me anything." When Alec still was silent Magnus was reduced to guessing what was bothering his young charge. "Are you upset Jace is switching schools? You'll still see him after school and the weekends darling, he isn't going to another planet. You can take this as a chance to make a few new friends before you graduate."
"No," Alec muttered as he laid his head against his knees. This was the worst way he could start any of this. Magnus was only about to see this as his pathetic attempt to follow Jace which wasn't all of it. It was true Jace had goaded him into applying back in May but Alec did desperately want to go to the most prestigious school in the state. It was going to do wonders for his chances to get into NYU or any other credible school. This was going completely wrong, as most things did for him. "I got into Idris Magnus. I got in with Jace." Now he waited for the blow to fall.
"You applied to a school without even talking to me first?" The hand fell from it's rubbing and Alec felt it's loss keenly. Magnus ran a hand through his hair and laid back against the plush cushions on the back of the sofa. . The subject was already a sore one and now it was about to get worse. Alec looked down to pick a hole in his sleeve as he attempted to make it seem less dastardly than it was.
"I didn't honestly think I would get in. I didn't think they'd ever want a street rat who was behind a year as it was. Jace just wanted me to try so we could finish high school together." Magnus sighed and rubbed his face one last time before turning to face Alec once again. Alec couldn't read his face and the knots hadn't lessened one bit and were steadily tightening instead. He never should have said anything, this wasn't worth it.
Then his mind wandered to Jace and everything they had been through in the last nine years. He thought of how Jace had helped him his first week in third grade when he had had one of his attacks at school because it was new and terrifying and everyone was making him feel like an idiot for being behind. He had had such a hard time adjusting and Jace had been there with a friendly shove and a laugh to tell him it wasn't all so bad. Jace had made sure he was tolerated in junior high school when Alec proved to have no gain in popularity even in a new school His best friend had made sure he didn't fail in English time and again as they sat on the phone revising until three in the morning among jokes and finding new music to listen to. Jace may smoke and have gotten caught drinking underage more than once but he was the best friend he could have asked for and Alec was ready to put up a fight to keep them together. He had never had a friend before Jace, had never stayed in one place long enough, and he wasn't letting it go.
"Has it ever occurred to you Jace may not be the best person to be following around?" His guardian's words were not meant in the way his classmate's were when they teased him for following Jace around like a shadow but Alec was so fed up with that jibe it put him immediately on the defensive.
"Did it ever occur to you I just wanted to finish school with the only friend I have?" He felt heat flooding his cheeks and he shoved his shaking hands under his butt to keep them hidden.
"Alec you could so easily make new friends. You're smart and have a lot to offer. I just don't think Jace is going anywhere good. You know why he got expelled last spring." Alec's world froze as Magnus brought up that terrible day that he had thought they were through with. It was the worst fight he had ever had with his guardian and it had once again concerned Jace Herondale. Every word Magnus was saying was sending him into more of a frenzy either intentionally or unintentionally and he had to get out of there. He sprang off the couch and shoved his feet into his shoes.
"You know exactly what happened with that! It was for Jem, all of it! I can't believe you would bring this up again!" He grabbed his jacket and put it on while spotting Magnus folding his arms and trying to hold back his anger and irritation.
"C'mon Alexander, do you really believe that?" Alec tried to calm his mind but the things Magnus was trying to imply about Jace was making him lose his sense completely.
"What, you don't believe Jem has cancer? Or you just don't believe Jace is capable of anything good?" Alec bit out with his hand on the doorknob. Magnus rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair yet again.
"I know very well that James is sick, very sick. It's just that when a kid like Jace is caught with that much weed in his locker and tries to play off a sob story it was all for his guardian. It just doesn't sit right with Will or myself. Jace barely escaped going to a detention center."
"You don't know Jace at all," was all Alec could say as he tried to stop the pounding of his heart that had gotten nearly painful by now. He hated fighting with Magnus and it hardly happened but when it did it was often loud, awful, and hurtful. "Jem being sick has completely torn him apart. It wasn't smart what he did but he didn't know what else to do! You don't get to judge what he did. You have no idea what it's like to be that desperate."
"And you do?" Magnus asked while keeping their gazes locked.
"I would have done that same for you." The tension in the room was at a breaking point between the two of them and Alec's urge to run was not to be ignored any longer. He wrenched the door open again and strode down the busy New York streets.
MBALMBALMBAL
When the phone rang Will Herondale was not surprised in the least.
Alec had appeared at their door not even an hour ago visibly upset and had disappeared upstairs with Jace. The two boys were thicker than thieves and Will knew Jace would make Alec okay again. Alec was a good friend for his son and Will was grateful the kid was around.
Jace was going through a hard time, a very hard time and Will was more than a little worried about him. Jem being diagnosed with cancer last spring hadn't been easy on any of them. He had taken his husband in for what he thought might have been appendicitis. The middle of the night emergency room visit revealed that while his appendix was indeed inflamed there was also much more serious problems at work. They had left with the news that James had pancreatic cancer in stage two and worsening quickly. Will remembered the Saturday morning he had sat Jace down to tell him the truth. He remembered the unique pale shade the younger man had gone and the trembling in his hands Will had never seen before. Jem and Jace had butted heads more than once over his unsavory habits and late night outings. That far from meant that Jace didn't care about Jem more than just about anyone in the entire world.
Will had thought Jace was dealing with things alright after a few weeks. Jace had seemed calm and was finishing the year decently enough. Then had come the call from the school office last May that had shattered Jace's fine illusion into a thousand pieces. Jace had been found to have a bundle of weed in his locker. Drug possession was immediate grounds for expulsion and so they had gone through that shocking process as well as all sorts of legal issues. They had been charged a large fine and Jace had been spending the summer in community service at their local red cross volunteering. He'd never forget that night Jace had finally told him why he had had the drugs in the first place.
"Get in," Will could hear his sharp tone and winced as Jace stiffened as he climbed into their SUV. James was the one that normally picked Jace up from the Red Cross but today he had an appointment with the oncologist. Jace wouldn't meet his sharp gaze as he dropped his bag at his feet and looked despondently out the window. Will took a moment to take in the bags under his son's eyes and the golden blonde that belonged to his birth father that he'd only met once on the occasion of attempting to bash his head against a brick wall. Jace was his nephew that he had raised since birth. Cecily had gotten caught up with a bad crowd and an even worse boyfriend winding up with a child. That had been hell for their family and since Will had been stable enough with his boyfriend James Carstairs they had taken the tiny child in to raise as their own. He considered Jace his son for all rights and purposes. "When we get home you need to mow the lawn and help me clean out the spare room. James wants it done when his parents come visit."
"Seriously?" He heard Jace mutter softly and felt his grip tighten on the wheel.
"Don't test my patience today Jace. I don't want to hear a sound about how you're tired. You got yourself into this situation by being a complete idiot. You're going to help me and you aren't going to damn well complain about it. Jem is going to be exhausted tonight and I don't want him worrying about the lawn or his parents visiting." Jace was only silent once James was brought up and stared out the window forlornly.
It had been an hour later when Will had finally took the lock off Pandora's' box and let loose on what none of them had spoken about since Jace had gotten expelled. He had found the young teen lying on his bed with his eyes closed when he had asked him to start the lawn an hour ago before it started to get dark. He had gone upstairs to shower and start on the spare room before returning to find evening quickly approaching and the lawn just as long as it had been this morning.
"So, what happened to the lawn, Jace?" The teen snapped upright at his harsh tone and his golden eyes were filled with trepidation.
"I was bloody tired, alright?" Will grit his teeth and struggled not to completely lose his temper.
"We're all tired Jace and the stunt you pulled only made it all worse. I'll make you mow that lawn with a flashlight if I have to."
"I love how you never even asked why it was I had weed in the first place." Jace snapped as he put on a different shirt. Will frowned and folded his arms tightly.
"You had it because you're a complete idiot who ignored everything I've ever taught you. Don't think I haven't noticed you've been going through withdrawal the last few weeks. I don't feel bad for you in the slightest. Where the hell do you think you're going to finish high school now? Do you expect us to move for you? Your father is sick and instead of manning up and helping you decide to be an immature idiot! You only escaped a detention center because Jem asked me not to. He wanted you to get better here with us." Jace had frozen half way through his rant and simply stared at him with a blank expression on his chiseled features. The fading light played off his blonde hair and created shadows that made Will consider he might have said the wrong thing.
"Withdrawal? You think I'm going through withdrawal? Seriously? I haven't-" Jace's words cut off and Will watched as his adam's apple bobbed in a manner that was most unusual. Will hadn't seen Jace cry since he was a small boy. When he broke his arm at thirteen the most reaction he ever got was a few swear words and a harshly bitten lip. When the first drops of moisture rolled down the sides of his nose Will felt as if he'd been stabbed in the chest a half dozen times. "I haven't been sleeping or eating because I don't know how to cope with it. I've just been exhausted and shaky because every time I close my eyes I just see Jem d-" The teen's words were cut short again and Will wanted to move but found himself completely frozen "The drugs were for Jem."
"W-what? You got weed for..." Will was speechless as he took a step towards his son. Jace nodded and wouldn't look at him.
"I heard you were thinking of petitioning for the medical use and you know it's next to impossible to get so when I heard of a kid selling some I bought it. If it would help Jem in any way it would be worth anything. None of it was ever for me." Jace had his arms wrapped around his middle and was looking miserably at the floor. Will finally found his feet again as he moved to fold Jace in his arms. Jace remained stiff until Will raised a hand to cup the back of his neck gently. He worked his fingers against Jace's scalp as the teen buried his face in the older man's shoulder. The sobs were broken and weeks in coming and Will felt like an idiot for assuming the worst. Jace was narcissistic most of the time, but Will knew he head a good heart and that he loved the two of them unconditionally.
"God, Jace I'm so sorry," Will whispered against his hair as Jace let himself be tucked under his chin and held close. The sobs had been cut off but Will still felt tears rolling steadily against his neck. Jace wrapped his arms around his waist in return and shook his head.
"You don't have to be sorry. What else were you supposed to assume?" Will took Jace by the shoulders and looked at him steadily.
"I should have asked. I know you're a good kid Jace, I know it and still decided to believe the worst." Will raised hands to wipe at the tears falling. "Listen to me, we're not going to lose Jem. We have excellent doctors and we're going to fight like hell. You know I won't give him up without one hell of a fight." Jace nodded with his face crumpled and his cheeks stained red. He hadn't made a sound since the tears had truly started.
"What if we lose him? What if we can't beat it? He looks so sick Will..." Will felt his heart breaking as he had in the emergency room holding Jem's hand between his own and struggling to breathe himself. How could he have not even talked to Jace about any of this? How could he believe Jace was okay with any of this? Jace was losing a father and no one could possibly be okay with that. He cupped the pale face in his palms and made Jace meet his eyes at last. Jace looked exhausted and Will made a note to make sure he got some decent sleep tonight.
"It's going to be okay." Jace made a disbelieving noise and tried to look away but Will firmly nudged him to keep his gaze. "Fine, I can't promise James is going to make it through this but I can promise you that we'll get through it. We love you Jace, and with that we can get through anything. I really think we have a chance of all of this turning out okay." Will paused and moved one hand to again tangle in blonde hair. "Don't do this Jace. Don't spiral off into yourself and do something reckless. Talk to me about all of this. I've always been straight with you Jace, and I don't plan on that changing. I love you, you hear me?" Jace nodded and collapsed into Will's chest for a moment before pulling away completely and shuffling to find his shoes. Will sighed an felt his resolve to work Jace to death fade.
"Just go get in the shower before dinner." Will reached out to ruffle his hair before going into the kitchen to make dinner.
Will snatched up the phone on the second ring with a glance at James sleeping on their sofa. He shifted a bit but thankfully didn't wake as he stepped outside on the back porch while closing the screen door slowly behind him.
"Hello Magnus." A light chuckle came over the line.
"Is Alec there then I'm assuming?" Will heard the tangible regret in his tone and knew they must have had a fight.
"Yeah, he's here upstairs with Jace. He was pretty upset Mags. You two had a fight?" He slowly sat with his feet dangling off the porch and picked at the overgrown weeds.
"Something like that. Did you know Alec applied to Idris?"
"Yes," Will said slowly. "You didn't? I thought Alec had told you months ago. He normally tells you everything."
"I guess he's entering the awkward, slightly rebellious teenage phase or something. He hasn't told me anything all summer. Don't act like Jace is much better."
"No,Jace has as many secrets as any of them I know."
"So, how is James?" Will let out a long sigh at the loaded question and wasn't quite sure how to even answer. Was someone with cancer ever really okay? James happened to be home for a while and seemed mostly like himself but there was the knowledge that his body was trying to destroy itself with the help of drugs that were meant to be helping.
"James is..." Will trailed off as his stomach knotted painfully only thinking about all of it. "Jem is as well as he can be. Chemo is rough on him, but he's in good spirits and we have an appointment next week to see how it's going." He could feel Magnus's sympathy oozing over the line and desperately knew he had to change the subject. "So, are you really upset about Idris? I'm amazed we ever got Jace in, but it's a fantastic school. Alec will do amazing there."
"I don't know I guess it's more the fact he didn't breathe a word of it to me until now. I just hate him keeping secrets from me." Magnus sighed loudly and Will could definitely relate. "Alright, well I'm going to be over soon to pick up Alec and try and make him at least speak to me. See you soon?"
"Bye Mags, make sure you bring some good bargaining chips." Will hung up the phone and simply gazed out onto the street below.