Chapter Text
April 8th, 1816
Colin Bridgerton was convinced that his current lifestyle was far more fulfilling than that of a Baron or even a King.
He had a wonderful family, a wife who could be considered a goddess, and a beautiful son born a month ago and already full of life. After the tribulations he experienced at the beginning of his engagement with Penelope, he could not have asked for more. He shuddered at the memory of the stormy moments he had endured before he came to recognise the brilliance of his wife.
His concerns and emotional distress nearly resulted in the complete undoing of his marriage.
However, this was no longer the case. His marriage was now stronger and characterised by trust. With the Queen's approval, his wife continued to use the title of Lady Whistledown, although her column addressed more serious topics and information, interspersed with occasional references to gossip. Colin, meanwhile, had become a successful writer, working on his second novel and eagerly awaiting the opportunity to have it edited by his brilliant wife.
A shift occurred in their relationship, whereby envy was replaced by admiration. This new dynamic manifested in their support of each other's work, which became increasingly enthusiastic and vocal. In their written work, they presented opposing views in a civilised manner, offering astute observations and engaging in lively discourse full of flirty quips, seductively drawing them in. When that occurred, their fervour resulted in a period of extended bed rest, spanning several days.
Something that their staff had grown inured to.
In the early hours of the morning, Colin commenced his duties as a husband in anticipation of his wife's birthday. He sought to ensure her pleasure before sharing her with their family. Pleasuring his wife was a source of immense gratification for Colin, ranking among his most cherished activities. The act of thrusting inside his wife with care, observing her reactions, and focusing on her expression proved to be a potent source of stimulation. Colin's inclination towards pleasing others was evident, as he consistently strove to surpass Penelope's expectations to make himself worthy of her.
Following an auspicious beginning to her birthday celebrations, the couple prepared for the day's activities. Colin was particularly eager to resume his marital consumption but was prevented from doing so by the imminent departure for the nursery. Thomas Elliot Bridgerton, Lord Featherington, had already been bathed and dressed by his nursery maid, a woman of seven and twenty with five children of her own. Colin and Penelope had personally hired her during the interviewing process. They were immediately taken with Mrs Nasarea Moore; there was an intuitive sense that they could trust her.
They proceeded to carry their infant son out of Featherington Manor, expressing their affectionate regard for him in a manner befitting his status as a precious and cherished child. Thomas's grey eyes were observant and followed their faces, and he would occasionally please his parents by smiling. Colin was pleased by the resemblance between himself and his son. He was also hopeful that Thomas would inherit Penelope's eyes.
Their baby was conceived out of wedlock, but those who were aware of the hasty pregnancy chose to ignore it to prevent any potential scandal. Ultimately, no one was interested in the circumstances of Thomas's conception. The sheer joy of the announcement overshadowed any potential concerns, and all that mattered was the happy news.
Unfortunately, Eloise was absent when the news reached her. Furthermore, Anthony and Kate had departed for India. Colin corresponded with them, disclosing the felicitous tidings and inquiring about his nephew. Edmund II had been born two months before Thomas, and although Anthony and Kate had indicated that they would be returning to London before the advent of the subsequent year, Colin came to perceive that his family would not be complete until he had all of them back in London. He was eager to meet Edmund Bridgerton II, and he was sure that his son would get along splendidly with his cousin.
August, the future Duke of Hastings, was now two years old, and his sister Belinda was seven months old. Both had already taken a liking to Thomas, and it was so lovely to see them playing together. When the whole brood of households gathered together, they would leave the youths to bond by themselves, and that would often include Philomena Finch and Priscilla Dankworth, both two months older than Thomas. Even though they were only related to his son by blood, Auggie and Belinda had taken a liking to the two auburn-haired girls as well, and it was so heartwarming to see them all together. They certainly stole everyone’s attention in the best way possible.
Upon traversing Grosvenor Square en route to Bridgerton House, Penelope and Colin were greeted by a melodious sound that was both agreeable and memorable. Thomas had laughed for the first time when Colin playfully tickled his belly. They exchanged a proud gaze after witnessing a significant milestone together. Colin interpreted this as an indication that the day would be favourable for both of them as he held his son closer while his wife knocked on the door of the house he had previously referred to as his home.
The birthday celebration was a delight to all who attended. Colin observed as his wife received gifts from her family and friends. Additionally, he sampled the assortment of French pastries and observed the children as they engaged in playing together. He was surrounded by music that was both joyful and harmonious, as well as the sounds of laughter and animated conversation between the guests.
While Gregory and Hyacinth were engaged in playful interactions with the youngest members of the party, Colin surveyed the room and observed that his wife stood as the focus of everyone’s attention. To him, she exuded a radiant glow, evoking a sense of divinity amidst the earthly realm. Colin felt admiration and reverence for her, a sentiment he hoped to reciprocate in his role as a husband to compensate for the failure he had been at the beginning of their marriage.
Despite Penelope's repeated gentle admonishments over his guilt, he remained unable to forgive himself for his cruelty towards her. He was aware that his feelings were justified, given the shock and betrayal he had experienced at that time.
His wife, whom he’d always shared a close connection with, repeatedly reassured him that his self-reproach over his actions a year ago was unwarranted. She explained that his feelings during that week had been more than understandable—but he knew his jealousy and envy over her success had clouded his rational judgment, and that he had nearly exacerbated the situation when he attempted to intercede on her behalf when Cressida threatened her.
The aforementioned events, occurring during the previous year, had proven challenging for Colin to process. He currently enjoyed a contented and fulfilling life as a husband and father, yet the unfortunate incident from that week would continue to haunt him for the foreseeable future.
He was uncertain as to whether Penelope shared his sentiments. His sole desire was to live a long and loving life with her, with Thomas and their future children.
The most memorable moment of the birthday celebration was the unexpected arrival of Eloise, who was returning just in time for the beginning of the new season. Her appearance and demeanour had undergone a noticeable transformation. Those who were intimately acquainted with Eloise Bridgerton observed that she exhibited a new heightened degree of maturity. While her frequent correspondence with Penelope did not significantly alter her character, her sojourn in Scotland and exposure to a fresh social milieu seemed to have influenced her outlook on marriage, making her more receptive to the prospect of one day entering into such a union.
She would concentrate on the advancement of women's rights for the time being, having established a close friendship with Michaela Stirling over the year. The two women shared a similar commitment to challenging the patriarchal structures that they were subjected to.
Despite his reluctance to acknowledge it publicly, Colin experienced a degree of jealousy as a result of his wife's growing bond with Michaela. The smiles Penelope gave in response to their letters and how her cheeks flushed at some of the casual flirting the Stirling woman should engage in with her made him seethe with covetousness over the improper behaviour of John’s cousin.
He never took it too seriously, of course. After all, he did enjoy Michaela’s company. She was astute with her wit in her letters, and he caught himself chortling at her words. Nevertheless, she could be somewhat too familiar with his wife, and he felt it was his duty to keep an eye on her.
He was aware that he would have to share Penelope with a considerable number of people today, but upon Eloise's arrival, Colin conceded that he would only be able to enjoy his wife's company once they returned to their residence. She was positioned adjacent to her sister, the two women maintaining a grasp on one another's hands as Eloise engaged in animated conversation with her friend about her experiences in Scotland.
She spoke highly of the Kilmartin Castle, expressing her gratitude for the opportunity to venture beyond the confines of their little bubble. Penelope listened attentively, her eyes conveying a keen desire to gain insight into the experiences of life beyond the confines of the ton. Colin observed this and contemplated the possibility of embarking on a grand tour in the future with his wife when Thomas was old enough to join them.
As the celebration progressed into a soirée, Lady Danbury raised her champagne glass and proposed a toast to Penelope. Since her revelation as Lady Whistledown, Lady Danbury has been a more constant presence at Featherington House, where Colin and Penelope had taken up residence following the succession of their son to the title of Baron and subsequent ownership of the estate.
She has become intimately acquainted with Penelope, providing her with support and guidance during her first promenade following the Dankworth-Finch Ball.
Colin was indebted to her for the support and the influence she exerted on behalf of Queen Charlotte, which was widely acknowledged by the ton. The longevity of their friendship was a testament to its strength, and as a result, Lady Danbury's opinions and preferences were held in high regard because of her status and esteem with the Queen.
The sight of Agatha Danbury promenading with Lady Whistledown and their amicable demeanour was a source of great relief and encouragement to Penelope.
Colin and Penelope welcomed Lady Danbury to their home, always.
The toast was brief but gracious. Lady Danbury demonstrated her pride in the transformation of the former wallflower into a blossoming woman whose opinions were esteemed throughout London. Penelope was on the verge of tears as she gazed at Lady Danbury with profound gratitude.
Violet Bridgerton proposed a toast to Penelope's health, recounting a memory of Penelope and Eloise hiding behind curtains and frightening Colin and Benedict during their childhood. After the audience had responded with laughter at this anecdote, Benedict adopted an expression of feigned irritation directed at the two friends. This was followed by Portia, who was unable to conclude her speech before becoming visibly so emotional that she was unable to continue.
It was evident that she took pride in her daughter.
Once the children had fallen asleep, Lady Danbury departed from the Bridgerton residence, cognizant that the festivities were nearing their conclusion. Subsequently, the Finches and Dankworths also took their leave, each sister offering Penelope a farewell embrace and wishing her a happy birthday once more.
Portia was leaving them, taking the opportunity to ride with the Finches since their home was in the way of her new lodgings. Eloise retired to her chambers minutes after, intending to rest from the lengthy journey from Kilmartin. She did not precede this action without a formal introduction to Thomas; she bestowed an awkward kiss upon the infant's hair and proclaimed him to be her favourite nephew, solely on the grounds of his being Penelope's son.
Colin took a fake offence to that, and Daphne rolled her eyes affably.
Then, the Duke and Duchess of Hastings were invited to stay the night, given that their travels to Clyvedon Castle would be too tiring for their children at that hour. Daphne and Simon graciously accepted Benedict’s offer and retired to her childhood chamber, with each parent carrying a sleeping babe.
Benedict's capacity for responsibility was evident. His temporary role as head of the family while Anthony was absent in India had resulted in a notable growth in maturity, a development he found both fulfilling and enjoyable. He engaged in conversations with Simon, receiving invaluable guidance from the Duke on the management of the estate.
Colin was impressed by how his brother was assuming responsibility for duties typically performed by the Viscount during his absence.
When it was time for them to return to their residence for the night, Colin ensured that Thomas's sleeping body was adequately covered with his overcoat, with Penelope cradling him. Violet bade them a good night, and her joyous demeanour, influenced by the alcohol she consumed tonight, was so infectious that Colin was compelled to kiss his mother's forehead, overwhelmed by her contagious happiness. He was similarly elated, yet he abstained from consuming any drink as she did.
Upon their return home, Penelope entrusted Thomas to his nursemaid after kissing his forehead with care to avoid disturbing his sleep. Colin merely observed the scene and smiled contentedly, inwardly wishing his son a good night's rest.
The two held hands as they proceeded to their bedroom, engaged in a discussion regarding tonight's festivities. Penelope initiated a conversation about composing a piece for Lady Whistledown, and Colin provided suggestions about which moments would be suitable for her column. As Rae commenced to follow them, Colin opted to give his wife and housekeeper/lady’s maid some space to prepare for bed.
He proceeded to his study and opened his journal, regarding the room with a sense of accomplishment before commencing his writing.
April 8 1816
Today was Penelope’s twentieth birthday.
As usual, she was radiant. In my estimation, she outshone even the most illustrious socialites in the room. My wife, my beautiful and remarkable wife, appeared particularly resplendent today, justly surrounded by those who hold her in high regard. The intimate encounter we shared this morning was insufficient to adequately honour her, particularly on this day of celebration.
Lady Whistledown’s birthday. My wife.
Thomas laughed for the first time today. This was an unexpected occurrence. It may be hypothesised that this was a spontaneous expression of joy on the occasion of her birthday, a gift to his mama. It is remarkable how rapidly time is passing with him. He will be one month old in three days. It would be beneficial if time could be slowed down to allow for greater enjoyment of his current state.
He is destined to become a Lord, my son, a Baron. He will oversee the management of an estate and command the respect of the ton. As his father, I will be immensely proud to stand by his side.
Time is merciless to everyone.
I find myself continually reflecting on the initial days of my marriage. Despite my awareness that such introspection is unproductive, I am compelled to consider whether my actions during that period could have resulted in a more felicitous outcome for Penelope and me. I am led to wonder whether my presence at the inception of Lady Whistledown's relationship with Eloise might have prevented the subsequent emotional distress she experienced.
It is time to cease dwelling on fantasies and to accept this future. I am a very happy man. I am a husband, a brother, an uncle and a father. I am eager to see what the future holds for me.
All I know for certain is that I will devotedly love Penelope Bridgerton until my last breath.
Having completed the entry, Colin closed his journal and replaced the quill in the inkwell, aware that sufficient time had passed for his wife to be adequately prepared and for Rae to have retired for the day.
The act of walking to his room in the Featherington home no longer elicited the same sense of unease as it had previously. He had intended for the Bloomsbury residence to become their new home, but circumstances have led him back to Mayfair.
He did not dislike the house; with Penelope's touch, the interior design had undergone a significant transformation, replacing the initial greens and yellows with blues and purples. The design incorporated numerous variations that, as a man, he found difficult to comprehend fully. However, he was aware that the Featherington House had undergone an impressive makeover, making it appear brighter and warmer.
He was certainly taken by the transformation of the main sitting room, which now boasted a soft blue hue wallpaper engraved with small golden monarch butterflies. The insect had become a cherished symbol to his wife and her sisters as a tangible representation of the positive shift in their relationships. Portia made sure to start integrating butterflies into her dresses, proudly still talking about the Dankworth-Finch Ball to this day.
Penelope was attired in a nightgown that enhanced her natural beauty. She was already in bed with a book and had greeted him with a smile that was both sweet and welcoming when he entered their room. He was overcome with the desire to kiss her immediately, but he resisted his urges to prepare for bed himself. He hastily discarded his clothes and held Penelope in his arms under the covers of their bed.
Nowadays, Colin no longer feels the need to don his customary nightwear. He has adopted a more naturalistic approach to his nocturnal activities. This was not a matter of seeking to seduce his wife, but rather a personal preference. Penelope never appeared to be bothered by it; she consistently giggled mirthfully at the sight of his flaccid cock, which amused him greatly.
But when he hardened under her touch, there was no laughter—only desire, and whispered pleas for him to take her. Over the first year of their marriage, she had become more sexually adventurous with him, and who was he to refuse his minx of a wife and her exploration?
Tonight, she continued to read her book, moving her body closer to his as he placed his arms around her waist, feeling the weight of her breasts against his forearms. He consistently adhered to her signals, and on this particular evening, his wife was evidently inclined to prioritise reading over making love.
On occasion, she would awaken in the middle of the night, urging him to let her ride him. Instead of seducing her, Colin chose to simply close his eyes and concentrate on her breathing, the rose-scented shampoo in her hair, and the sensation of her soft skin against his.
He concentrated on the sensation of her body in its entirety.
Colin whispered that he loved her in her ear, and she replied with an equally loving remark. Then, Colin allowed his body to relax against his wife's, succumbing to sleep.
Tomorrow, he would awaken and consume his wife between her legs before partaking of breaking his fast with her.
The first thing Colin was supposed to feel when he woke up would always be her.
They would always hug in their sleep. Sometimes her curls would tangle around his fingers, and he would caress them gently, feeling how soft they were. It usually lured his wife out of her sleep, and whenever he opened his eyes, he'd see her smiling sleepily, her blue eyes giving him an adorable, tired look, surrounded by messy hair. He loved it.
This morning, however, he felt nothing. Still with his eyes closed, his arm reached out to find her, sliding around her side of the bed and landing on her pillow.
Why was it so cold?
He finally opened his eyes and immediately frowned with great confusion. What on earth was going on? Where was she? Penelope always informed him of her whereabouts. If she had to leave early, she would have undoubtedly told him last night.
At that moment, he began to realise something else entirely—something that set a dreadful emotion in the pit of his stomach.
As he surveyed the room, Colin observed that the familiar walls and furnishings of the Featherington House were absent. Instead, he saw the same room in which he had spent his younger years, the space he had retained as his residence during his time living with his mother.
Attempting to maintain composure, he tried to regulate his breathing and think rationally about a solution to this bizarre situation.
Given that he had slept in the nude the previous night, this was an impossibility. Then, another warning: a knock on his door jolted him out of his bed, startled. He observed as his valet entered and proceeded to the window, removing the curtains and illuminating the room with sunlight from the exterior. His valet was similarly startled to see his master already standing, and both men gazed at each other with widened eyes.
Colin, attempting to appear nonchalant, acknowledged him with a brief nod, effectively dismissing him from the situation. The valet, still visibly affected by the peculiar occurrence, hastily departed from the room.
He was dreaming.
This phenomenon could be explained by one of two hypotheses: it was either a dream or a nightmare. Regardless of which it was, it was not a reality. It couldn’t be. It shouldn’t be.
It is also possible that he did end up consuming alcohol during the celebration of Penelope’s birthday. It is even conceivable that he imbibed so much that they were compelled to remain at Bridgerton House due to his inebriated state. Yes. That made so much more sense! Perhaps going home with her had been the dream! This theory is more logical.
Another knock on his door cued him to return from his reverie. This time, he was not startled as Benedict poked his head inside to give him an odd expression.
“Are you well, brother? Your valet has expressed his concerns over you.”
Colin swallowed, taking a good look at his brother. He looked… younger. Frightfully younger. He could only stare and begin thinking about appearances. He proceeded in silence towards the looking glass, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as his heartbeat accelerated, causing him acute discomfort.
This was not a dream; the distress he was experiencing was genuine. He began to tremble, attempting to maintain composure as Benedict's gaze remained fixed upon him. He was compelled to gaze at the man reflected in the glass.
It was him.
But younger.