Chapter Text
Jisung doesn't keep secrets.
He doesn't go around telling everyone everything about his life, but he doesn't actively work at keeping things hidden. Sure, there's some information he won't volunteer until specifically asked about, but if asked, he sees no reason to lie. The point: Jisung doesn't keep secrets. Except one. One he has actively kept. Has lied to protect. It's his, this secret. Held close to his chest like something small and sacred.
Ever since he was old enough to understand that many of his desires would be deemed unnatural by most, he has wanted to be held captive. He longed to be locked in a basement, oblivious to the passage of time, not knowing when he'd be let out. He'd spent years daydreaming about it. Yearning for it. A clawing hunger he couldn't quite explain.
Still, he couldn't bring himself to ever ask for it. Even when he'd met and fallen in love with Minho, a man he trusted implicitly, whose deepest desires aligned so deliciously with Jisung's own, the thought of actually going through with it still freaked him out. Minho knew his secret, of course. Minho knew all his secrets. But he seemed to be waiting for Jisung to come to him when he was ready.
-
A year and some months after Jisung first told Minho his secret, it all came to a head.
They were in the middle of talking about corrupt politicians and how they would murder them if they could. "You'd probably lock them in a basement and do all those things you wish I would do to you," Minho said.
Jisung froze, dread crawling up his throat like a pot boiling over.
"I have been very patient," Minho continued. "But you seem to be forgetting that the small measure of free will you think you have is a courtesy I extend you."
-
Three days later, Minho handed him extremely detailed travel plans. All Jisung had to do was let his family and friends know he'd be out of reach for the foreseeable future. Jisung's stomach churned in equal parts fear and excitement. In the end, he made phone call after phone call and did exactly what he was told, if for no other reason than Minho had demanded it.
A week before they were scheduled to leave, Jisung started dropping hints about things he might need wherever Minho was taking him. I can finally do some writing without any distractions. Minho ignored him. Do you think I should bring some of my books, hyung? Minho ignored him. I should probably bring my blankie. The blue one. Basements get cold at night, no? Minho ignored him. He asked about logistics, how Minho would know he was safe. Those were ignored, too. Minho ignored all of Jisung's escalating requests for information, reassurance, and comfort.
Perhaps Minho did him a favor, though. If Jisung had known what was waiting for him, he's almost certain that he would have run.
-
Jisung had expected Minho to use him for his sexual pleasure, perhaps hurt him a little, maybe leave him tied up for hours on end. But it never crossed his mind that none of the sexual activity that would ensue could be considered natural.
He didn't expect that despite there being a fully functional bathroom in the basement, the only thing he would get to use it for was to clean the small bucket Minho gave him to relieve himself.
He didn't expect that Minho would refuse to refer to him by name the entire time he was down there.
He didn't expect the entertainment value of his own fingers and toes to be so crucial to his survival that not being able to engage with them made him believe he wouldn't make it out sane.
He didn't expect that he would sleep so much, or that he'd lose track of time so quickly and thoroughly that he'd spend the entire time having slow and torturous panic attacks.
He did think Minho would feed him, but not that he would limit Jisung's water supply to the point where he was always thirsty but not dehydrated.
He didn't expect to sob uncontrollably off and on for weeks after his release from the horrible place that taunted and terrorized him.
And, as his convoluted emotions came full circle, he did not expect to miss it.
-
Jisung's no longer the person he was when he first walked into that basement. Or, more accurately, he's exactly who he was then, but there's a part of him that exists that didn't before. A part that sees the world in a whole new light. A seedling that hadn't bloomed until Minho commanded it so. Yes, he was terrified down there. But he now knows this: that he had room to feel scared at all was just another courtesy Minho extended him.
He is in no way a victim. He got exactly what he wanted. He just didn't know that the things you want so badly can end up terrifying you the most.