Archive of Our Own ^beta

Pansy was lost. While every professor was preparing themselves for the beginning of the new school year, she had no idea what she was doing. Yes, she had accepted the Charms Professor position, but in reality, she didn't feel capable of teaching. Hermione told her she needed to feel honoured and proud, but she simply couldn't. The only feeling Pansy was capable of was feeling like someone who didn't deserve good things. While growing up, during the war, after her parents disinherited her, that dreadful feeling has never disappeared.

When she arrived at Hogwarts, Neville was her entire welcome committee. The Headmistress assigned him to help her with the first few days. After the war, their group of friends ended up intertwined, but she always avoided getting too close to him. Now, he is here giving her a tour of the castle and helping her settle into her room and office. Neville may not be part of the Golden Trio, but he has a golden heart. That's why she never told him how she felt during her eighth year. She didn't feel good enough for Neville, and now that she was going to work closely with him, she couldn't allow her feelings to resurface.

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A week passed, and this year was turning out to be one of the hardest years she had since she finished her eighth year, not because of the amount of work, not because of the feeling of not being good enough, but because of Neville's closeness. They have been working together non-stop, helping each other with their class lessons, and Neville has been by her side all the time until she acclimated to the professor's dynamics in the castle. Sometimes, Pansy can feel his eyes looking at her while he thinks she isn't looking. In reality, she can't stop looking at him.

The night before the student arrived at the castle, McGonagall called a meeting to discuss all her plans for the year. The moment she entered the Great Hall and saw him, all the reasons why she had been pining for him rushed to her and flooded her heart with all the feelings she had denied for what had felt like an eternity. Pansy felt overwhelmed; she couldn't do this.

"Good evening, Longbottom", she said, trying not to show how nervous she felt. Neville smiled at her; how dare he smile at her with his still-a-bit crooked smile that melted her insides and made her fall in love even more.

"Pansy, you can call me Neville. We've friends in common, and now we're coworkers. I believe that after a week of spending every waking hour together, we can consider each other friends and call each other by our first names," he replied, still smiling.

"We'll see," she said, unable to stop herself from smiling too.

The night turned into a celebration, with all the school staff enjoying their last free time before the school year officially started. One glass of wine became two, and two became three; suddenly, the wine became Firewhiskey. Pansy was having a good time; she was enjoying talking with her coworkers. It was odd to watch her ex-professors joking and teasing each other, but this was the happiest she had felt in a while. Neville was all smiles, and he seemed genuinely delighted. He had been Professor Sprout's assistant since the end of the war, but this year, he was officially appointed a professor. As the night passed, the Great Hall was emptied until the only ones left were Pansy and Neville. At this point, they were pretty much drunk.

"Before I regret it, I have a confession to make, and you can't laugh," Neville says, pulling Pansy out of her dizzy thoughts and looking straight into his green eyes. She nodded.

"When we were in our eighth-year, I had a crush on you, a huge crush that made it hard for me even to think clearly when I was close to you."

Pansy felt like her world had stopped. "WHAT?!"

"Yes, I know, I know. It was just a silly crush, not a big deal," Neville chuckled, "but for me, you were the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Sadly, you didn't even look at me. During the entire year, I kept saying that maybe one day I'd tell you about my crush, and I dreamed about how you would tell me you felt the same way. The end of the year came, and that day never came." Neville gives Pansy a self-deprecating smile, lowering his face and avoiding meeting her eyes.

Pansy wanted to run, hide and cry. For the past 5 years, she has avoided him as much as humanly possible without becoming a hermit, moving to the Romanian mountains, and living with the dragons. She took a deep breath, and before she could react, the words blurted out of her mouth in a breath, "Ihadacrushwithyoutoo, Istilldo".

Pansy covers her mouth in shock at what she just said. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath and ran away from the Great Hall.

She rushed to her room and dropped herself on the bed, screaming into the pillow. How? How did this happen? The year hadn't started yet, and Pansy had already blown up everything. She has to find another job because she can't stay here. Pansy was panicking as she walked around her room; she needed the job. Quitting now isn't a possibility. "Breathe, Pansy, breathe. It was the alcohol. Probably, he won't even remember the conversation tomorrow," Pansy kept telling herself. Someone is knocking on her door, and she hears Neville saying, "Pansy, can you open the door? Please." She murmured, "Fuck, fuck” she murmured while taking a deep breath and opened the door.

When the door opened, she saw a dishevelled Neville taking a deep but short breath like he had run from the Great Hall to her quarters. "Pansy," Neville said while still taking air, "what was that? Why do you run? Can you please explain?"

Denial, Pansy thought, denial is the way to go. "I wasn't feeling great; we drank too much there. Don't you think?"

Neville snorted and lifted an eyebrow. "Can you please let me in?"

"No, I'm going to bed. You should too. Tomorrow, we're going to have a difficult and long day. You, we, should rest". Pansy couldn't allow him in her room. She had already demonstrated how little control she had in this whole situation.

"Pansy, please talk to me," Neville begged, and he looked like his world had been flipped upside down.

"Neville, please, no," Pansy's willpower was crumbling fast.

"Okay. I will not force you to talk to me, but please hear me out," Neville said, looking at her with pleading eyes. Pansy nodded because he looked at her with his green, sad eyes; she couldn't say no to anything he asked. She was sure that if he asked her again to enter her quarters, she'd answer yes without a second thought.

"I still do, too," he said without waiting for an answer, turned around, and left.

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The day was going to be pure torture for Pansy because she and Neville were the newest additions to the staff. It was their turn to travel in the Hogwarts Express with the students. Today, of all days, Pansy couldn't avoid Neville. When she arrived at the castle's entrance, Neville was already waiting for her.

“Good morning, Pansy. Did you get the sleep you desperately wanted?" Neville said with a teasing tone. Pansy couldn't mask her feelings anymore; all her Occlumency walls had been destroyed by Neville's confession, and she chuckled. "I love it when you genuinely laugh," he said, and Pansy was speechless, unable to do anything but stare in silence. Neville got close to her, grabbed her chin, and whispered in her ear, "You can be in denial about everything you want, but everything that needed it to be told was. So, it's up to you, Parkinson," and softly kissed her cheek, turned around and told her that they need to Apparate to London soon. Neville didn't see how Pansy blushed and nibbled on her bottom lip.

The train ride back to Hogwarts was officially Pansy's worst Hogwarts Express ride she had ever experienced, and this was on top of the Eight-Year train ride. Neville, the whole ride, was too smiley, too close, too touchy, too hot, too Neville. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Pansy keeps muttering under her breath while walking to her quarters after the Sorting Ceremony. "You shouldn't talk like that, Professor Parkinson; you're not setting a good example," Neville said. She felt her entire body tremble while Neville got too close to her again and whispered in her ear, "Are you ready now? Or are you still in denial of what we both know you said, love?"

"Neville," she whispered. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her. "Yes, Pansy."

The sudden movement took Pansy aback. "Neville," she repeated. "What about Hannah?"

"What about her? Do you know Hannah and aren't together? Right?" Neville answered.

"But…" Neville didn't even give her time to reply and quickly said, "Pansy, Hannah, and I were never officially together. I could never be what she wanted."

"Neville, I think… I think we need to talk," Pansy said. Neville sighed, his only response a murmured, Finally. They walked in silence until they reached her quarters. When they entered the room, it was like she was dosed with Veritaserum, and the words just blurted out of her mouth. "Neville," and he nodded to encourage her to continue while she took a deep breath, "I… I've feelings for you; I've been in love with you for a while and have kept my distance because I think you deserve better than me. You're amazing and such a good person. You're much better than I am and…" Before she could continue, he grabbed her face and kissed her.

Her entire world shook with just a kiss. Neville moved his hand from her face to her waist, deepening the kiss. When she gasped, he took advantage and shoved his tongue in her mouth, causing her to moan. His hands were roaming her entire body, and she was getting soaked. Pansy couldn't deny it any longer; she loved him. He still was the best person she knew, and she was still Pansy, but at that moment, all her doubts didn't matter because Neville was kissing her like she was the last woman in the world. He was kissing her like she was his entire world. She could feel it in the way he was touching her, in the way his body was reacting, in the way his body was touching hers. Her only reaction was to moan because she was speechless; this man she had been in love with for so long was kissing her and touching her.

"Neville," she moaned.

He stopped the kiss, and she whined, "Pansy, I love you. I've been in love with you for so long. I tried to keep my distance because I thought you couldn't feel the same way about me. I'm just… me."

Pansy's mouth curved into a smile. "We're two idiots."

"Yes, we are," Neville replied with a smile and kissed her again.