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Loki does not remember the first time he visited his daughter, or even the second. All he could recall was an adorable young girl, stomping her feet at his presence, yelling for him to ‘get out of her realm’.
He had watched amused, as she expelled him from her palace, back to Asgard. She was one of the cutest children he had ever seen, no matter what anyone else had to say.
The third time he visited Hela, he had been trying to free Fenris. He could recollect the events quite clearly. He had tried everything from tricks to begging, hoping the All-father would change his mind about imprisoning his children. Even if they would herald the end, they were just children. Nothing worked, the All-father had made his decision. Loki couldn’t bear it anymore when he heard the rumours. His son, muzzled, tied to a post, howling from the pain and loneliness. Odin, he did not deserve his title, had promised to provide him an island to run free. Loki had been helpless when his children had been forcibly taken from him, but he had made sure to extract promises from the All-father. Promises to make their lives comfortable, promises that were evidently not being kept.
The third time he died, he visited Hela a broken god. He had succumbed to the traps around the island keeping Fenris contained. Loki did not, could not, look his daughter in the eye. This time, she did not push him back immediately, and he noticed the chains around her hands. His father had put her in manacles, for a crime she had not yet committed. His poor daughter was stuck in the realm of the dead, forced to take command, and he had done nothing. He had let it happen, to Fenris, Jor, Sleipnir, Hela. He had to fix this.
Hela kneeled by him (when had he fallen down?) and gave him a hug. He heard her voice clearly then, for the first time in millennia. It was eerie and cold, young but ancient. The voice was an amalgamation of all the souls stuck in the realm. He didn’t shiver, didn’t flinch. Hela was here because of him, because she was Lokidottir.
“I was upset at you father, for letting me be taken away,”
Loki held in a sob. How much had his children suffered while he was enjoying the comforts of Asgard?
Hela continued without pause, “They turned me into a monster, the souls who come here do not dare to look me in my eyes, and those that do are horrified. They tuned me into a monster, in people’s minds and… and my own.”
Loki let out a shuddering breath and really looked at his daughter. She was wearing a simple black grown and a crown of thorns. Her dichromatic eyes shined brightly, standing out in the shadowy realm of Helhiem. Horrifyingly (he didn’t want to use that word), her face looked to be divided in half. The left side was as it always was but the right had degraded, making her look like a corpse. Rotting skin hug to her face and cheekbones stood out sharply.
Loki couldn’t hold back his sorrow anymore. He cried tears of agony at his helplessness, at his faith in a person imprisoning children, at his lack of knowledge. How had he not known?
Living things didn’t belong in Helhiem, the longer Hela stayed there, the more she would change to look like the other residents.
Loki sat there and cried, stuttering out apologies as his daughter watched on, impassive. When the tears finally stopped, Loki was spent. He slowly stood up and looked his daughter in the eye.
He cupped her cheeks and said softly, “Hela, I vow to release you from this prison. However long it takes, I will not give up. I will save you and your siblings.”
Hela scrutinized him before replying, “I had thought all love between us lost, father. I see that is not the case. I thank you for your promise, but you needn’t waste your time. However much I wish to leave, the All-father’s commands are final.”
Loki shook his head, “I will always love you, my daughter. Even if it leads me to death I will find a way to free you.”
“That would be much appreciated father, but fighting the All-father’s wishes is pointless.”
Loki stood up straight. “I will fulfill my vow; All-father’s wishes be damned.”
“So be it, father,” Hela nodded. With that, he was thrown back to Midgard, not far from the place of his third demise. He gazed in the direction of his muzzled son. He would free them, he had to.
~~~
Loki was determined to keep his promise. He tried everything, just as he had before, but now he knew the consequences of his failure. He had succeeded in freeing Jormungandr without Odin’s knowledge. He had released him from his chains, but his son had refused to leave his resting place in the sea. Loki respected his son’s wishes and let him be, but not before wondering if he was to blame. Did Jor prefer to stay in the sea because he thought Loki willingly let him be taken away? Or was it because he was scared of Odin?
Whatever the reason, Loki had to work fast and get all his children safe. He had still not managed to penetrate the defenses of Fenris’ prison. Sleipnir would have to be the last, Odin would surely notice the absence of his war horse. Loki cleared his mind, trying not to think of Sleipnir’s fate. His poor son, a magnificent stallion, reduced to the role of a stead.
Releasing Hela would be difficult. He needed to find a way to release the spells Odin had put on her to bind her ability to leave. He also had to keep Narfi and Vali safe. Odin did not about their existence and it was better if it stayed that way. Sigyn had taken them to Svartalfheim, the realm of the dark elves. The residents did not like the Asgardians and would not reveal the presence of someone trying to hide from them. Even though Sigyn was Aesir, she did not behave so. She would be safe, along with the boys in Svartalfheim.
Later, he would laugh at his naivety. Dark and joyless, not much of a laugh after all. He should have expected things to go wrong, for the All-father to find out. Things never went well for Loki, not for long.
He was summoned to the Royal Court and he went, unaware of the treachery that lay ahead. He stood before Odin and bowed, as was custom. He knew he had been found out with one look at his father’s face. But which lie had the All-father uncovered?
Odin rose slowly and approached him, “Loki. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think you could keep secrets from me?”
Loki felt his heart sink. Odin must know about Sigyn and their kids. He needed to-
“I have someone check on those monsters of yours every few decades, and do you want to know what they informed me?”
Odin was fuming, but Loki relaxed slightly. This was about Jor. He could convince Odin to leave him be.
“The Serpent of Midgard is free! Who else is capable of that but you, Silvertongue?”
Loki pasted a soothing smile on his face and replied, “All-father, I admit to freeing my son. It pained me to see him chained. But, you must have noted that he has been free for a long while and has not caused any trouble.”
Odin rose to his full height, towering over Loki. “You think you can pacify me with platitudes? Who knows when that monster will strike? Ragnarok could be set in motion tomorrow!”
Ignoring the flecks of spittle on his face, Loki calmly said, “Jormungandr has no intention of causing chaos or initiating Ragnarok. He will do you no harm, I swear.”
Odin sneered, “And what is your word worth, Lie-smith?”
Loki lost his smile. “Father, you must know I would never deceive you on such important matters.”
That seemed to calm Odin, who turned his back to Loki. There was a tense silence before Odin chuckled. Loki let out a breath of relief, Jor would stay free.
Odin turned to face him again and Loki’s relief vanished. Odin smiled at him, a callous one, filled with teeth. “I was giving you a chance, son, to own up to your mistake. You have put all of us in danger by setting the Serpent loose. I cannot let this stand. You will be punished and the Serpent will be chained once more.”
Loki sunk to his knees, desperate. “Father, please spare Jor, I will take all punishment on his behalf.”
Odin smiled again, this one even more menacing, “Don’t worry, your Jor will not be harmed unless he resists the chains.”
The All-father said nothing about his own punishment and Loki dreaded what was to come. Odin’s expression had promised pain, and Loki knew he had to be prepared.
Loki rose and said, “Thank you, father.”
Odin did not acknowledge Loki’s gratitude. He looked out the window and said, “Know this Loki, you have made a mistake, a mistake I cannot ignore. You have no one to blame but yourself what happens next.”
With that chilling sentiment, Loki was dismissed.
~~~
Loki had lost count of the times he had visited Hela. She would always greet him, with a subtle nod, before sending him back. He would be more careful with his life, but he missed his daughter.
The 86th time he died, it was not from recklessness or a wish to see his daughter. He died, as he had countless times before, alone and aching. This time though, the ache was not physical. For the first time, he gave up. He succumbed to the injuries, caused by his own hand. He would have succeeded, if not for his daughter.
Loki did not move from his fallen position as he sensed the change in realms. He felt his daughter standing next to his prone form but he couldn’t convince himself to get up. For a moment, he felt a sense of regret, he had never wished for Hela to see him in this state. The guilt didn’t linger; he had lost his ability to feel emotions clearly a few years back. A shoe prodded his side and he groaned slightly, finally turning to face Hela.
Hela examined him carefully before speaking, “Father. You were here just a decade ago; did you miss me that much?”
Loki only nodded silently, before gazing at the floor again.
Hela seemed unsurprised by his apathetic response and sat down on the floor cross-legged with him.
Loki could sense that she wanted to say something. He sighed and looked at her again, “Speak freely, daughter. Your words cannot cause me any harm that I have not already experienced.”
Hela grabbed his hands and said, “What occurred was not your fault. Odin alone is to blame.”
Loki shook his head, pulling out of Hela’s hold. “Odin might have sent the order, but I forced his hand.”
Hela sprang up, livid. “How could you protect that monster with excuses, father? He killed poor Sigyn.”
Loki swallowed, “Hela, is she here?”
Hela deflated, “No, Gods go to Ginnungagap when they pass. I am sorry, Father.”
Loki stood up, as enraged as Hela had been moments ago. “Then why am I here? Why do I get to stand here, when she is gone?”
His voice cracked mid-outburst and he sank to the floor again. Hela hesitated before saying, “The first time you died, was almost a century after I was imprisoned. I can sense the approach of death for all those who share my blood. I felt your presence, on the brink of falling into The Void, and I couldn’t help myself. I tried to pull you here, and it worked. You looked exactly like the father I remembered, and I couldn’t handle it. My face had already started to rot, and I couldn’t bear for you to see me like that. So I tried to return you to life, and it worked.”
Loki shuddered at that. He always failed. He had failed to free Hela, failed to fulfil his vow, failed to keep his sons safe.
Loki shook with the force of the tears. “Let me die,” he whispered.
Hela clenched her fists, “I was so happy that it worked. Especially when you promised to free me. My faith in you never wavered, I knew you would figure out how to remove the bindings.”
Loki looked away, ashamed, but Hela continued, “I never thought you would go back on your words. You are the Lie-smith, but I had believed you to be honourable.”
Loki replied, in a small voice, “You don’t understand the pain of losing a loved one.”
Loki regretted his words immediately as the room somehow turned even darker and Hela’s crown burst into soul flames. “How dare you? You think I haven’t lost loved ones? My mother, killed at your father’s hand. My brothers, destined to be separated from me until we end the world. My father, who I lose once more every time he dies.”
He reached out to his daughter, but she slapped his hand away. “I see every day the effect this loss has on dead souls, so don’t you dare claim that I have experienced nothing, Loki Odinson”
Just as quickly as it started, the flames receded and Hela stood there shaking. Loki approaches again, and this time she lets him pull her into a hug. He murmurs apologies and strokes her hair. He had been so consumed by the deaths of Sigyn, Narfi and Vali that he had forgotten about the rest of his children. The ones who were still imprisoned, waiting for him to free them.
“I’m sorry, my little queen,” Loki whispered, “I did not mean to insult you in such a way. I am upset over the loss of Sigyn, Narfi and Vali, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. In my misery, I had forgotten to think of you.”
“It’s alright, Father. I understand. I too, was saddened by Sigyn’s demise and- Oh!”
Hela pulled out of the hug and said, “I forgot to tell you, Father. My power to sense your death carries over to all your children too.”
Loki stilled, “Does that mean…”
Hela smiled slightly, before heading to a door that Loki hadn’t noticed previously. Loki watched as she left the room he used quite frequently, the only room he had seen in all of Helhiem. He busied himself by looking around, not wanting to think about the implications of Hela’s statement.
Barely a minute had passed when the door reopened. Hela reentered the room, followed by two large wolves. Both wolves had thick, pitch black fur. They would have looked identical if not for their eyes. The one on the right had Loki’s green eyes, while his brother had striking red eyes, just like Sigyn’s. Loki didn’t flinch as the wolves bounded over to him and pounced. He let out a disbelieving laugh as his dead sons licked his face enthusiastically. He hugged Narfi and Vali tightly, so unbelievable happy to have them with him.
Hela stood a few steps away, looking guilty, “I am sorry I could not reverse the curse placed on them. I tried but it is above my abilities. When I sensed their deaths, I brought them over immediately, but it was too late. I could not send them back.”
Loki laughed again, “Daughter, you have brought my sons back to me. I am holding them again after three years because of you. I harbor no anger towards you.”
Hela smiled, relieved, “Odin turned them into wolves, both physically and mentally. They did not mean to harm Sigyn or the Dark Elves that tried to stop them.”
Loki felt the grief engulf him again. “It was not their fault; they were not in their right minds.”
Hela nodded, “I am aware, but Odin has gone too far. He needs to be stopped, before he uses this as an excuse to tighten the defenses on the rest of your children.”
He straightened and gestured for her to join the hug. “I know, but I do not know how.”
Hela held onto him and smiled, “For now, this is enough.”
~~~
Before Hela sent him back, she looked him right in the eye and said, “I need you to promise me something, father.”
“You need not worry, little queen, I will do my best to free you.”
Hela shook her head, “I know, father. I desire something else.”
Loki was confused but nodded, “Anything for you, daughter.”
Hela paused, seeming to be choosing her words carefully. Loki waited patiently, watching Narfi and Vali play nearby.
“I… I need you to swear not to visit me again of your own volition. Do not come here again, dying by your own hand. I cannot bear to see you again as you were now.”
Loki blanched and pulled Hela into another hug. “Oh, Hela. I promise to never do that again. I never wanted you to see my like that. I shouldn’t have put you in that position.”
Hela’s form shook slightly as she let out a shuddering breath. He went to console her but felt the world change. He was back in the living world again, far away from all his children.
~~~
Loki was falling. She was falling, and then she wasn’t anymore. Somebody caught her wrist and stopped her death. She looked up to see Odin, the person she had thought of as a father, the person who had betrayed her at every turn. The truth had come out and she finally understood. The wince whenever she called him father. The lack of trust in her. The fate of her children.
She had been a fool to think he cared. Every time he hurt her, or her kids, she made excuses for him. she was done making excuses. Hela had been right. Odin was to blame for everything. He hated her, feared her, for something she couldn’t control, something she had had no knowledge of.
Even now as she dangled over the abyss, she could see his distaste at having to touch a Frost Giant. She grimaced and stared down. The abyss seemed eternal, but Loki knew that Hela would catch her. Loki looked back up at Odin and grinned. He seemed startled at the expression, but did not have time to question it before Loki was pulling herself free. Odin and Thor watched in horror as she fell down, smirking at them.
She opened her eyes, having closed them involuntarily during the fall. Hela was standing before her, exasperated.
“Were the dramatics really necessary, mother?”
Loki smiled, “Of course, my little queen. I wouldn’t be known as the Trickster otherwise.”
Hela rolled her eyes and gave Loki a hug. She did not let go before she asked, “How are you, mother? I heard rumours that you’d gone insane. The souls said you were going to annihilate the Frost Giants.”
Loki lost her smile, “Odin lied to me, I am not his child.”
Hela’s eyes widened.
“I am nothing but a conquest, a memento of war. I am not Odinson, nor am I Aesir,” Loki continued.
“Then who are we descended from?”
Loki looked away, unable to meet Hela’s eyes, “At birth, I was Loki Laufeyson.”
“Frost Giants,” breathed Hela.
“Yes,” Loki said, ashamed.
Hela straightened, “This is good news, mother!”
Loki looked up surprised.
Hela continued, “The plan was to defeat Odin and now, you can have reinforcements. You could ask your family for help!”
“I’m not joining forces with the Frost Giants!” Loki snarled.
Hela was taken aback, “But why not? They will certainly help, there is no love lost between them and the Aesir. Knowing about your existence would only serve to anger them even more. Your family-“
“My family fears me. The only family I have ever known hates me. I have been taught to hate others of my species since I was a child. I cannot go to working with them now, it- it scares me. And… I cannot face my real father after I have failed so badly in my life. Everyone close to me was killed or imprisoned by Odin, and I let him. What would Laufey think of me?”
Hela wrapped her hands around Loki again. “Oh, mother, it will be fine. If you do not want to meet the Giants yet, we can think of another plan.”
Loki nodded and said, “My mother and brother did not know. It was a shock to them as well. Mother told me that she still considered me her child. As did my brother. I would not betray them in such a way.”
Hela did not interrupt, so Loki continued, “Even if they love me, they are wary. I see them hesitate before reaching out to me. I see the flinches when I move suddenly. They love me, but fear me.”
Loki was lost, she did not know how to move forward. She was the adult here, yet she was taking advice from her daughter. But her daughter was wise beyond her years. She had been forced to mature quickly, stuck in a role that should never have been hers.
Unaware of her thoughts, Hela gently said, “So you understand now. They fear you for carrying the blood of their greatest enemy. They fear me too. They locked me up, not because I am descended from the Frost Giants, but because I am Lokidottir.”
Loki frowns, confused, “what do you mean?”
“Mother, we were imprisoned because of you. I do not mean this as a snipe at you, but it is the truth. Even before your heritage was known, your children were feared. They imagined children of the Trickster god and expected horrors. When most of us were born looking unconventional, it solidified their hate. They fear you, and thus hate us.”
Loki… did not know how to respond. Was that true? Yes, it was, she decided.
It was an awful feeling, their undeserved hate, and Hela, along with the rest of her kids, had been facing it since they were born. All because of her. She would do better, she swore to herself. She would free them and destroy all the hate, as she should have from the beginning.
~~~
Loki sneered at the mortals kneeling before him. They were insignificant to his plans and it was nothing but misfortune than landed them in the current situation. Thor would later try to argue that he had been under another’s control, that his mind had been compromised.
Thor was wrong. He didn’t want to subjugate the mortals or rule Midgard, but this had to be done. He had no allies but Thanos against the All-father. No one else was willing to go against him and Loki was not powerful enough to challenge Odin alone.
This was the only course of action for his children to be free. He needed to save them, nothing else mattered. He subdued the thought of similar worried parents of the ones he held at his mercy. His children came first, always.
The fight after was a blur. Sometimes, after the fact, Loki would wonder if Thanos had indeed managed to bypass his mental defenses. But whenever the thought occurred, he would dismiss it. He couldn’t recall clearly the events that led to his presence at the Avengers Tower, but Loki does not question it. He fears the implications if his actions were not his own. If his intricate, impenetrable fortress of a mind could be invaded, what hope was left?
The only thing he had full confidence in was his mind, his cunning. If that was taken away, what was left? Nothing that would aid in freeing his children certainly. And thus, Loki strongly asserted, when Thor pleaded, that his actions had been no one’s but his own.
The fog like screen over his awareness continued up till he was met with the Hulk. Though Loki refused to admit to it, only his brutal defeat at the hands of the green giant was able to snap him out of the fog. The intense pain of being thrown around like a rag doll gave him the control he had been lacking since he entered the realm.
Loki made a quip, something about a drink, trying not to think about his daughter’s terrified face. There were certain pains that even a god could not endure and being bet into a pulp by the Hulk was one of them. Loki only saw Hela fleetingly, her face paler than usual, mouth open in horror. He thought of comforting her, telling her that all his efforts were for her and her siblings. He didn’t get the chance to do so, forced back to Midgard by her.
It occurred to him that she did not appreciate such efforts in her name. Hela took her responsibilities seriously, she had a strict moral code. Was she upset with the extreme actions he had taken? Was that why he had been expelled from the realm without a greeting?
Yes, he decided, recalling her shaken pallor. His daughter was unlike him in that regard. She genuinely cared for the life of others, an effect of experiencing so many stolen from theirs daily. She must have taken offense at his terrorizing of the Midgardians, and rightfully so.
For him, his children came first. He would always put their needs before everything else. But in doing so, this time, he had made decisions in a way reminiscent to Odin. A dictator, with no care for anyone’s needs but his own. Loki had acted just as Odin would have and Loki could not have that. He hated everything that the Aesir stood for and would not accept this similarity. And so, Loki asked for a drink and surrendered without further fanfare. He would find another way, one that did not include such breaches in morality.
~~~
Loki schemed in his cell. He had nothing better to do and escape was not easily possible. The cell was made with him in mind, strong enough to withstand all his powers. Loki wondered when the cell had been built. The engravings were faded and the floor had been dusty at first, but time was a relative concept on Asgard. It could have been designed the moment he was brought to Asgard by Odin, or it could have been constructed the previous week. Loki tested another power blast on the bars and sighed when they didn’t even shake.
He should have continued terrorizing Midgard; he would have been free at the very least. Free enough to look for options to free his kids. Instead, he was stuck in a glorified box. Thanos had promised him power. He wanted that power to protect his children. But if they turned away from him because of his actions, what was the point of it all?
He debates visiting Hela, but dismisses the idea. He had promised to never attempt to visit her by his own volition.
Sometimes Loki felt angry. Angry at Odin, angry at his heritage, angry at the world. Sometimes Loki just wanted to let it happen, to be the person everyone feared he would be. Odin thought he would initiate Ragnarok, turn against him, with his children at his side, free. Sometimes, Loki wanted to prove him right. He wanted to end the world that had never stood up for the innocent children imprisoned. He wanted to destroy those who thought of sticking a sword in his son’s throat. He wanted to crush the people who were fine with a child acting as a stead. He wanted so much, and wanted none of it. He did not wish to give Odin the satisfaction of being correct.
Odin locked up his children because they were prophesized to be the leaders of Ragnarok. If his children did indeed start the end of the world, they would be well justified. His kids had been sweet little toddlers when they were initially imprisoned, not one cruel bone in their tiny bodies. If that had changed, it was no one’s fault but Odin’s. In trying to prevent a specific path of destiny, he ensured it. Capturing them was the worst mistake Odin could have made. He couldn’t imagine his children wanting to cause the apocalypse, not sweet Fenris, or honourable Hela, or any of the others. But if they ever felt the need for vengeance, Loki would stand with them. If they wanted Ragnarok, then so be it.
Either way, he needed to find a way out of the magic resistant cell. He had to be patient and look for an opportunity. The opportunity came, but Loki could not rejoice. Thor came for his help and Loki left the cell behind. He cared little for Aether or this Jane Foster, but he could not ignore the death of his mother. Frigga had always been the only being who had truly cared for him. She had been the one who had convinced Odin to imprison him instead of executing him. He had asked her why and her answer had been a simple ‘I love my son’. Loki had thought she lost that love on discovering his heritage. Learning the truth of her feelings had moved him to tears. Without her frequent visits, he would have lost track of time and gone mad. His mother understood his sorrows and the burden he carried. No one could have better understood the extent of his hate for Odin. She might have been his queen, she might have even loved him, but she could not forgive his actions against her sons, she told him. His careless attention towards Thor, and his prejudice against Loki had discoloured their love. She could not abide by the state of her grandchildren and had pledged to help liberate them. She would stand by Odin, but she had vowed to support him too. Loki knew the weight of a parent’s promise and he had full faith that Frigga would keep hers. He had missed his mother dearly while he was away. Learning of Odin’s betrayal and his true heritage had not afforded him much time to spend with her. His imprisonment gave them the time for reassurances and conversation. Now, due to Malekith, he would never speak to her again. Unless… but no, he could not hope.
Before he could search for other ways to free his children, he needed to help Thor recover the Aether and get his own revenge. Thor wanted to get to Svartalfheim through one of the unknown portals. It was a smart plan, except Loki had been sure he would never step into the realm again. When he had lived there with Sigyn and their boys, he had frequently used the hidden portal to travel to and fro without Odin’s knowledge. Thor had come to the right person for the plan to work, but Loki was reluctant to enter Svartalfheim again. Everything around reminded him of Sigyn and he silently mourned her loss once more. She had deserved better than him for a partner, and certainly much better than Odin for a father-in-law. She had gotten caught in the crosshairs of their dispute and paid the price for his mistakes. He didn’t regret anything more, except the loss of his children.
The dark elves, as a rule, did not like Asgardians. They two had been at war discontinuously for millennia. Therefore, Loki had felt Sigyn safe with them. If Asgardians entered the realm on Odin’s orders, the dark elves would fight them, not to protect Sigyn, but to counter their enemy. It worked, partially. The dark elves fought, but no one expected the destruction wrought by Narfi and Vali due to the curse. The casualties had been high and the war resumed even more fiercely. Malekith had been one of the radicals, an extremist with big plans for the Asgardians. With Aether, he would be unstoppable. Loki did not want to assist Odin, but Malekith could not be left with that much power. So, Loki fought alongside his brother, in memory of his mother. As he noticed the blade aimed at his brother, Frigga’s face flashed in his mind. It was her smile that stayed in his head even as he died once more. Even if she could not help free his children, he could help protect hers. She would have been proud, he thought.
~~~
From the moment he heard about his mother’s death, he had had hope. Hope that Hela had caught her and that she was safe.
He knew, with eyes closed, as soon as he entered Hel that that was not the case. He had no evidence against the idea but he just knew. His mother was gone.
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Seeing his daughter made him push the grief to the back of his mind for the time being. Hela looked… nervous.
Loki had never seen the particular expression on her face. She had always been self-assured and confident. He went and gave her a hug as usual, but did not pull away.
Loki did not move until Hela finally spoke. Her breath hitched as she hesitantly asked, “Father, have you heard of Thanos?”
Loki flinched back, the memories running through his head. Had she found out about his alliance with Thanos? No, that was impossible, Hela could not see into the mortal realm except in the moments right before his death. Unless, some dead souls had brought the news to her.
“Where did you hear that name?” Loki growled out.
Hela backed away slightly and Loki instantly felt guilty. He composed himself and repeated the question calmly, “I apologize. Where did you hear that name?”
Hela still looked nervous, seeming unsure of how he would react. He could not bear the look on his daughter’s face. “Daughter, whatever you say, you know I will stand beside you.”
Hela straightened up at his words and said, “I am being threatened by the Mad Titan.”
Loki paled, feeling faint. Was Thanos targeting Hela because of his disobedience? Thanos was just vindictive enough to do such a thing.
When he did not respond, Hela continued, voice faltering slightly, “He wishes to make me his bride. He sends millions to my realm weekly, hoping to win my affections.”
Loki went even paler if that was possible. Thanos wanted…
No. No. This couldn’t be happening, not to poor Hela. She had already gone through so much, now she was facing one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Loki could feel his hands start to shake, and he held on to Hela tightly to mask it.
Reassured by his actions, she went on, “He expects me to fall for him due to his power. He thinks more dead people will appease me, if anything it makes me angrier. Being the ruler of the dead has made me value lives more. His efforts result in nothing but additional paperwork.”
She paused, hesitant again. “And… And father, I am scared. I do not know what he would do to me if he succeeds in entering this realm.”
Loki could do nothing but hug her again. He had made a horrible mistake in allying with that monster and he regret his decision more every day.
Loki cleared his throat and said, “As you can guess, I do know the Mad Titan.”
Hela nodded so he continued, “He is a dangerous being. Under the guise of sustainability, he moves through worlds culling half the population. I made the mistake of allying with him.”
Ignoring Hela’s gasp, he said, “The last time I visited you was at his bidding. I promise, daughter, I never knew of his intentions with you. I did not reveal my own either. I just wanted someone’s assistance again Odin. I should have known someone with more power than Odin would be worse than him.”
Here he let out a bitter laugh, “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
Hela had gone limp in his arms. “You… worked with him?”
Loki shut his eyes tightly, trying not to think about it. The torture before he agreed, the mind manipulation.
It was my decision. It was my decision. He chanted in his head, lying to himself. No matter what Thor said, or his subconscious implied, he had not been forced into Thanos’ service. He had had a choice, and he chose wrong. It did not matter that the other option had been death, he should have gone that path. He hadn’t wanted Hela to see him in that state, and he had been unsure if she would have been able to catch him from so far. Without that certainty, he had been reluctant to die, in case he left his children, without fulfilling his promise.
Loki did not meet his daughter’s eyes as he confirmed the nightmare. She pulled away at that and turned away from him. He reached out to her but stopped short when the room turned several degrees colder. A portal appeared beside him.
“Leave.”
“Hela-“ He did not get to finish his sentence, did not get to explain.
“Leave, father. I do not want to hear you excuses. You should have known I would never want acts like those done in my name.”
“I know, Daughter, I know. I do not work with him anymore. I did not enjoy what I did under him. And-“
Hela chuckled darkly, “You didn’t enjoy it, great! Would you like a medal?”
Hela turned around, the cape around her shoulders snapping dramatically. “Oh, wait. Let me guess, you didn’t mean it like that!”
When he didn’t respond, Hela turned away again. “Leave, father. I will not ask again.”
Loki straightened up, ignoring the crushing guilt and said, “Alright, my little queen. But before I do, know that I would never let harm come to you. I will not let Thanos get you.”
She snubbed his words and he sighed. It was expected but he was still disappointed. This was no one’s fault but his own.
Nevertheless, he was devastated.
Before he stepped into the inky black portal beside him, he softly said, “I love you, daughter.”
She did not reply, and he fell back to Svartalfheim.
~~~
Loki was finally able to overpower Odin. Frigga fulfilled her promise of assisting him, from beyond the grave. Her death had shaken Odin; he had truly cared for her. In his grief, he was slow in his attacks and defenses. It was easy in the end, to put a curse on him and banish him. As he left, Loki was reminded of herself after Sigyn’s demise. Though she hadn’t wished for the death of her mother, she couldn’t help the wisp of vindictive satisfaction that went through her. She felt guilty almost immediately, but she pushed it away. She was used to it, she had a lot of regrets after all. She certainly could not count all of them on her ten fingers. The only regret she could not ignore was her time with Thanos. Hela had been furious and she could not blame her daughter.
The only thing she could do was fulfill her oath. And as Odin, she could do it. She made the arrangements to free her children, making sure no one would suspect her of being Loki. It worked, no one questioned her decision and she was able to see her children again. She freed Sleipnir and Jor and Fenris, and they each gave her a hug. She found a spell to counter Narfi’s and Vali’s curse and she got more hugs. She removed the curses on Hela, and Loki remained unacknowledged. She had missed her children dearly and she basked in their presence. But even with the others, she felt incomplete without her daughter.
Hela ignored her, but made time for her siblings. Loki kept up with her life through them. While hearing about their lives, they disclosed information about their sister too. She was glad to have them with her, but she couldn’t help the selfish wish to have Hela with her too. She heard about how Hela had handed her realm over to one of her subordinates and felt relief that she had some support. She learnt that her daughter had moved to Svartalfheim and felt the urge to visit her. But she would respect her wishes. She would stay away and let Hela come to her. That was if she ever forgave her.
She watched her children recover from the trauma that Odin put them through. Fenris laughing with his brothers after years of loneliness, Sleipnir finally feeling comfortable in his other form, Jor speaking up more and more, Narfi and Vali play-fighting again without the curse looming over them.
Her children deserved everything and she would do her best to give it to them. She loved all of his children, and if Hela ever came back, she would welcome her with open arms and tears of joy.
~~~
He was able to save his children before the massacre. On suspecting a plot, he had immediately sent the boys to visit Hela. To everyone’s knowledge, Loki and Thor were the last Asgardians. Not that he counted as Asgardian.
Hela was still refusing to talk to him, but he knew she would take care of her brothers. So, Loki does something dangerous. It’s nothing out of the ordinary for him. He had done many things of the same magnitude before. But never against one who was able to see past his manipulations, never against someone holding the stones. He tried to trick Thanos, he was Silvertongue after all, the God of Lies and Mischief. He was almost surprised when it doesn’t work. Almost surprised, because Thanos knew him. He knew which course of action Loki would take. When Loki tried to pledge his loyalty once more, Thanos was aware of the ruse. When he held up his knife, Thanos stood ready to attack. When he dispelled the illusion, Thanos was unsurprised. He was again under Thanos’ control and he was just as helpless as the first time. Except this time, there was no way out. As his throat closed under Thanos’ hand, he couldn’t help but laugh, though it sounded more like a gasp.
Even as he felt his life ebb away, the feeling familiar in a way that could only come from experience, he could not resist one last strike against the Mad Titan.
“You will… never be… a God. She… won’t…”
Thanos face remained impassive but the hand around his throat tightened. Loki felt his body struggle automatically but his mind was calm. Thanos had caught his meaning. Thanos would never be a god, and he would never be able to win over the Goddess of Hel. Even if he took over the world, he would never receive the affections of his daughter. Loki did not know whether the Titan was aware of the relation between Hela and him. Either way, it would sting.
He was thrown unceremoniously to the side and Loki held in a groan of pain. Just as he lost consciousness, he heard Thanos’ smug voice, “No resurrections this time.”
Oh
Thanos was right. No resurrections this time.
Hela wasn’t in Helhiem anymore. There was no one to catch him. He was going to die for good this time. He couldn’t get out of this.
Loki had freed her and she had left. She had given up her position, she couldn’t catch him anymore. Of course this was how it would end. Loki dying by the hand of one of his biggest mistakes. He thought of his children; they would be saddened but they would be safe. Thor would make sure of it. It was the least he could do, respect his dead brother’s wishes.
Loki felt his surroundings change and he flailed. He was falling, the only way to Ginnungagap. The final bit of hope left him and he went limp. At least he would finally see his mother. If the Void did not extinguish his soul that is, no one knew what happened in there.
His children would miss him. He felt guilty for leaving them once again. He hadn’t been able to see his children grow up, and now he wouldn’t see them mature either. But everything he had done, was for them. As long as they were safe and happy, he did not mind dying.
His last thought was of regret; he hadn’t succeeded in mending bridges with his daughter. All he could do was hope that she knew he loved her. Thoughts of little Hela in tiny pigtails filled his head and he felt lighter.
He felt lighter and lighter until it all faded and he no longer felt anything.