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Teddy bounced uncertainly on the balls of his feet, biting his lip as he stared at Colin’s front door. If he didn’t know any better he would think the place deserted, its owner gone out of the apartment. It was completely silent beyond the door; even after Teddy knocked there had been no movement, no voice calling out from inside, and the light filtering through the closed blinds of the front window was dim, possibly only a single lamp in the living room. But he knew better. He knew that Colin hadn’t left his room in weeks, hardly speaking to anyone, isolating himself completely.
Teddy himself had tried to contact him multiple times, sending texts and leaving voice messages that got more and more frantic as his partner failed to reply until finally he’d caught Alice as she was leaving work and asked if she knew whether or not Colin was okay. His relief when she had nodded yes was quickly dampened by the worry in her eyes as she explained that he had completely shut himself away, overwhelmed with paranoia, hardly even talking to her when she had knocked the other day.
He’d come over as soon as he was done with work; under Alice’s advice, he left his phone in the car, carrying only a bag of ingredients for soup he had bought on his way. Now, he knocked again, slightly louder, calling out to the door, “Colin, baby, it’s me. It’s Teddy. Can I come in?”
He shifted his weight again, pulling his hair over his shoulder in a nervous tic, but forced himself to still and to smile easily as he heard the sounds of locks clicking open. A few seconds later, the door opened a crack and Colin peeked through. Teddy sucked in a sharp breath, barely managing to keep his calm smile on his face as he took in the state his partner was in. The man never looked fully rested; working a night job and being under as much constant stress as Colin was at the OIAR did no favours to a person’s complexion. But Teddy hadn’t seen him this tired-looking in a long time. Dark circles shadowed under his eyes, eyes that glinted with a thinly veiled fear that hurt Teddy to see, and he looked as though he had aged a decade in the span of a week.
Teddy realised he had probably been quiet too long, and waved slightly, “Hey. Alice said you weren’t doing so well, and I wanted to check on you. I left my phone in the car.”
Colin was silent, eyes flickering over him, over the bag in his hands, tense and uncertain. Teddy’s smile faltered, and he rubbed the back of his neck, “I just want to talk. Honest.”
Colin stared at him, grey eyes looking so so dark, painfully silent, until to Teddy’s relief he opened the door wider, “You sure you got nothing on you?”
Teddy smiled, raising one hand in a pledge, “Promise.”
He hesitated, then held up the bag of groceries, “Except stuff to make soup.”
A strange look crossed Colin’s face as he grabbed his own arm, sad, but also perhaps grateful, passing too quickly for Teddy to identify properly. Then, he stepped aside so Teddy could walk past him into the apartment, “Alright then. I, uh, haven’t cleaned up.”
“S’okay,” Teddy smiled, reaching out a hand to squeeze Colin’s briefly as he passed him, “I can help you clean up if you’d like.”
Colin nodded, following Teddy to the kitchen, picking up a few cups along the way and depositing them in the sink. Teddy was chattering comfortably as he cleared space on the counter to unload the soup ingredients, updating him on work and his latest family drama and anything else that came to mind. Colin listened quietly, happy to let Teddy fill the silence, honestly just happy to have someone else in the apartment with him.
Teddy eventually trailed off with a soft sigh, pulling out a pan and putting it on the stove, a thing of ground beef inside of it. As the meat began to sizzle he washed off his hands and came to press a kiss against Colin’s temple. Colin’s hands came up to hold onto the edge of Teddy’s jumper and he rested his forehead against his shoulder tiredly.
Teddy brushed his knuckles along his partner’s cheekbone, the gesture unbelievably tender, “I missed you.”
Colin hummed in response but didn’t reply besides, so Teddy gave him another kiss and moved away to tend the stove. Colin followed, resting his chin on Teddy’s shoulder as the man worked on browning the ground beef in the pan, “What are we making?”
“We?” Teddy smirked, “I don’t see you doing anything.”
“I’m supervising,” Colin said as if this should have been obvious, and was pleased when Teddy huffed a laugh in response.
“Well, Mr Supervisor, we are making zuppa toscana. It’s an Italian soup with beef and kale and potatoes. Speaking of, would you deign to join in the drudgery by washing and dicing the potatoes? Or is that out of your jurisdiction as Lord Supreme Soup Supervisor?”
Colin raised an eyebrow, straightening up and retrieving the bag of potatoes Teddy had bought, “It is. I can make an exception, though.”
“How gracious of you,” Teddy said, half-bowing in his direction. Colin only smirked in response.
Teddy couldn’t help but watch Colin as they worked, chopping kale and potatoes and frying bacon, filling the kitchen with delicious aromas. At some point, Colin had agreed to turn on the kitchen light, and it only served to highlight how worn the man looked. He seemed to be caring for himself somewhat; his beard was neatly trimmed, and despite the slight mess around his apartment, it appeared to be the culmination of just a few days, not weeks. But he was thin, painfully so, with his clothes even more baggy than usual and his cheeks gaunt, and the exhaustion Teddy had first noted was even more pronounced in the glow of the kitchen light.
It hurt Teddy to see, and he found himself wishing there was a way for him to wipe away all of Colin’s worries and fears, protecting him and allowing him to be his usual grumpy self. He couldn’t, of course. Colin’s paranoia and anxiety were something he would have to work through and Teddy was no therapist. There was little he could do to help there. But, he supposed as they sat down on the couch with bowls of hot soup and talked quietly, what he was doing at that moment had to count for something.
When they finished their soup, Teddy helped Colin pick up around the apartment, working in peaceful silence to clean and put away dishes and vacuum until the apartment was clear of clutter and all the dishes were where they belonged. Teddy slumped onto the couch with an exaggerated groan, head falling against the top of it.
“Fuck me, I am too old for all this,” He sighed.
“You and I aren’t even forty yet,” Colin replied wryly.
“So? I am a giant, luv, I have way more me to support with these joints than your short ass does.”
“I’m not short. I’m average height; you are just freakishly tall.”
“Sounds like something a short person would say.”
“Fuck off,” Colin grumbled.
“If you say so,” Teddy smirked. Struck by a thought a moment after, he glanced at his watch and winced, “I really should probably fuck off, though. It’s late.”
“Wait!” Colin said, then gritted his teeth and glanced away, repeating again more softly, “Wait. You can…stay the night. If you like.”
He took a deep breath, clenching his fists to keep them from shaking. He’d been alone for weeks, and he hadn’t realised how acutely he had felt the loneliness until Teddy had shown up, filling the dark, silent apartment with light and lively conversation, and now that Teddy was about to leave the thought of going back to that darkness made his chest tighten with anxiety. He would, of course, if he had to. But also he found himself desperately wanting Teddy to stay.
Colin jumped as Teddy’s hand closed over his, so much larger than his and so warm, and he looked up to find Teddy looking at him with so much tenderness in his eyes it made Colin’s heart hurt.
“Do you want me to stay?” Teddy asked softly.
Colin was mortified to find tears springing to his eyes as he gritted his teeth, looking down at Teddy’s hand covering his so he didn’t have to look his partner in the eye. Fuck, he didn’t deserve Teddy. Sweet, gentle, wonderful Teddy, who brought him soup and didn’t point out how much of a mess Colin was, didn’t judge him for it, only accepted it as part of him and adjusted to fit what Colin needed. He could have any man or woman or person he wanted, and yet he had settled for Colin, who fought back against Teddy’s persistent kindness before he quit the OIAR and everything with the computers had started, who even now had to resist the urge to close off and withdraw with the feeling that he needed to close himself off before he could be hurt. It was incomprehensible, to be so deeply loved and to feel so undeserving of that love.
“Hey, can you look at me?” Teddy said gently, touching Colin’s chin lightly but making no move to force Colin to look up.
Colin took a few breaths before looking up, not meeting Teddy’s eye exactly, but something close to it. Teddy kissed Colin’s forehead gently, intertwining his fingers with Colin’s and rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb, “I’ll stay. Whatever you need, hon.”
Colin took a shuddering breath, squeezing Teddy’s hands tightly, “Thank you.”
Teddy made a soft noise of acknowledgement, pulling Colin into his lap and guiding his head to rest on his shoulder. He rocked them back and forth slightly, humming a soft tune until Colin relaxed and was beginning to yawn. Teddy brushed some hair from his eyes and kissed his forehead, “You wouldn’t happen to have some pants for me to wear to bed or something?”
“Oh, um, I actually think you left some clothes here last time you came over,” Colin said, “Kept forgetting to give them back to you.”
“May I be so bold as to think that you may have forgotten on purpose?” Teddy asked hopefully, standing as Colin slid off his lap, “Maybe possibly to wear yourself sometimes because you miss me?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Colin replied dryly.
“Worth a shot,” Teddy shrugged.
Indeed, Colin did have a pair of sweats and a worn jumper of Teddy’s tucked into one of his drawers, and soon they were both changed and ready for bed. To Colin it felt impossibly good to crawl into bed and feel Teddy curl around him, holding him close, his warmth calming on his back. To say he hadn’t been sleeping well would be an understatement, with anxiety and paranoia and, yes, loneliness keeping him awake long into the night. He felt none of that then as Teddy pulled the blankets over them both and tried to pull Colin even closer. He failed, already practically glued to Colin, but still, it made Colin smile slightly.
“Mm,” Tedy sighed, “G’night, Colin. Sleep well.”
“Good night, Teddy,” Colin whispered in reply. He closed his eyes and, with Teddy’s soft breath on the back of his neck and the beating of his heart against Colin’s back, he split off to sleep and slept more soundly than he had in quite some time.