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Daisy stood in front of Bobbi's door, looking at it uncertainly and ringing her hands, twisting and pinching at her skin as she clamped down on the nervous quakes that wanted to bubble down her clavicles, all the way to her fingertips.
She was awoken by a nightmare that left her shaken. Usually she would retreat to one of the SUVs and simply code the night away or do a workout at the gym, but she was terrified to be alone right now. Night terrors weren't a new phenomenon to her, she usually just forced herself to stay awake to avoid them. But she was just… so tired.
She couldn't remember the details of her dream, but the lingering emotions were unmistakable. The nightmare had clawed at her insides, leaving them raw and throbbing with the sharp sting of abandonment and grief. It had hollowed out her bones and filled them with a heavy, suffocating weight. Her body felt simultaneously weighed down and insubstantial, an unsettling blend of heaviness and hollowness that made her feel out of sync with herself. The fear was a dark cloud, pressing down on her, and she just needed someone.
Bobbi once told her that she could come to her day or night. That it didn't matter and if Daisy needed her, she would be there. That she could wake her up at any hour. But could she? Or was it just one of those things people said without really meaning it, never expecting someone to actually take them up on the offer. Bobbi said anytime though. Bobbi cared. Bobbi wouldn't mind, she tried to convince the insistent voices that screamed at her that she was a burden, a bother, an annoying, needy person.
After a few minutes of agonizing and picking her cuticles raw, the exhaustion and anxiousness won out and she quickly knocked on the door before she could back out. She wrapped her knuckles against the wood and immediately cringed, but forced herself not to bolt. Instead she drummed out a fast rhythm on her thighs with her fingers, trying to disperse the nervous energy.
It was quiet before she heard sheets ruffle around and footsteps make their way over to the door, creaking open. A beam of light from the hallway fell on Bobbi's face, and the light bounced off her tired, confused blue eyes.
“Daisy?” She asked in a sleepy voice, rubbing at her eyes. “Hey, everything ok?”
“I um. No, I mean yes. I mean kind of?” Daisy stuttered out. “You said I could um, come here if I needed… I don't know, help?” Her voice wavered, wanting to simply die on the spot, begging the earth to swallow her up.
Her gaze flicked towards the floor and she examined a spot on the ground with great interest instead of looking the other woman in the eyes while her cheeks blazed with something that felt an awful lot like shame. Bobbi seemed to wake up a bit as she studied Daisy with a concerned look.
“Do you want to come in? We can talk in my bunk. I always have room for you rockstar” she said with a gentle voice and-
Oh.
Bobbi was so sincere and caring and she looked so worried and kind. And Daisy was selfish selfish selfish because Bobbi was obviously sleeping, she was tired, she was busy and here she was at 2 am knocking at the blonde's door because she had a stupid nightmare. Because she was a child who was afraid of the dark and being alone and stupid stupid stupid. Leaving the lights on at 26 years old because she thought she saw evils from her last lurking in the dark.
“N-no, never mind it's nothing, sorry for bothering you” Daisy quickly said, as she dug her nails into her palms, forming half moons from the pressure, vision going hazy from stupid stubborn tears as she spun around ready to make a mad dash to… anywhere but here.
Because she was an adult for crying out loud, not a child. What was she doing?
But before she could run, Bobbi gently caught her elbow with a firm grip.
“It's obviously not nothing Dee.” Her voice came out in a soft huff. “Come on, I wasn't sleeping much anyway” she pulled Daisy into the room and stepped back as she closed the door. Daisy stood stock still, like a deer caught in headlights as she took Bobbi's bunk in.
It was what one could call ordered chaos. The desk was filled with reports accompanied by reading glasses and an empty Starwars coffee mug. Her leather jacket hung over the chair. Wooden training batons were sitting next to the reports. (Bobbi twirled them when she was deep in thought or nervous). And off to the side was a yoga mat where she did her stretches.
A few framed photos were on the walls as well as a small mounted bookcase full of fantasy novels and books like Harry Potter and Narnia. 3 Potted cacti sat on the window sill. The room smelled like leather and vanilla. It was safe. It was so… Bobbi.
And Daisy felt wrong. She felt guilty. She was intruding. She would taint this place with her darkness, she would smear it black with the perpetual grime and dirt that covered her. That had infested her soul. She was like a black hole sucking in all the light, all the goodness around her and she would suck Bobbi in too.
“I shouldn't be here” she choked out. “Bobbi, I should go. I really didn't mean to wake you, I'm sorry it was stupid.” Because it was coming back to her. The nightmare.
Visions of falling. And dragging anyone and everyone down with her that tried to help. Her touch quaking them to nothing more than powdered dust and speckled blood on the wall. Smears of crimson on her hands as she wailed because she could feel their bones crushing. She could hear their cries as they asked her why. Voices and shouting and crying and-
I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, please no not them.
And it's May flying across the courtyard at Afterlife because Daisy quaked her. She's falling, falling, falling and cracks her head open on the pavement with a loud, wet smack and Daisy thinks she going to throw up because May isn't getting up and there's red on the floor and it's spreading spreading spreading and May isn't fucking moving. The blood is flowing towards her and climbs up her limbs, she can't stop it and she gags because she didn't mean to.
It's up her legs and covering her arms and hands and creeping up her chest, swallowing her whole and she screams and suddenly it's not blood, it's rock she's trapped in. It's terrigenesis all over again and she's watching Trip crumble in front of her eyes-
And God please someone help me, please I don't want to hurt them PLEASE-
He's dust and he's crumbling and she's holding pieces of him. Because Trip is in pieces. She sinks to the floor and she can't breathe because there's a snake coiling itself up around her lungs and it's squeezing and she's wheezing because Cal is holding Jaiying in his arms and he's crushing her. He's crushing Daisy's dreams and hopes and innocence in those big arms of him. And as blood trickles down the corner of Jaiyings mouth and a final small puff of air is released from her lungs, the light in Jiayings eyes die out and dead cold eyes stare at her accusingly- and it's July 2nd 'Best day ever!’ she hears Cal say and-
And she's slamming her head into the wall to make it all stop and someone's screaming, maybe it's her, she doesn't know anymore. Someone's always screaming and the voices muddle together but it doesn't matter because wherever she goes death follows.
And it's Couldon losing his fucking arm. He doesn't have an arm? He's hand is gone? And it's Hunter telling Daisy that Bobbi's been shot by Ward. She's been tortured and Daisy shudders and her body is impossibly tight. Her heart wants to implode because Hunter sneers saying ‘It was Ward. That bastard shot her’ And it's Daisy's fault. Her fault her fault her fault because Bobbi dies on the operating table. Her heart stops and her skin is pale. Her hands are freezing and limp and it's wrong because Bobbi's lips shouldn't be blue. Her chest should be moving, her lungs should be working, her veins should be full of warm blood but she's dead because Daisy failed at killing Ward. She shot him 4 times and it wasn't enough and she can't do this because ‘A lepper? I think you're a rockstar’ and Daisy screams and cries and-
“Daisy! Breath!”
Her lungs are burning, her muscles are shaking and her heart is like a bird flapping its wings in a cage and she's tasting blood, it's iron and she gags and tears stream down her face and she can't breath. Because who's Daisy? Who is she?
She's Mary Sue Poots and she has the devil in her. The nuns told her so and it's ratty clothes and cigarette burns and belt buckles and she hates herself. Hates being Mary so she becomes Skye. And it works for a while. Skye is stronger and better. She's hardened and sarcastic but deep down she still cares. Still has hope. Until she's shot. Because it shatters the allusion that Skye is stronger than Mary. Because Skye bleeds out on a concrete floor and Skye gets betrayed by Ward and Skye is the reason her friends die and Skye's parents are homicidal terrorists and mad people and Skye can't save anyone. So she changes her name to Daisy Daisy Daisy who is confused and broken and she doesn't know if Daisy is good enough yet. Wants her to be but Daisy is breaking down and so she bends and shatters and is a mixture of all the splintered pieces and she's all alone.
“Come on baby. I'm right here.”
Through the chaos of her mind the voice cuts through, and it sounds an awful lot like Bobbi. The ground is hard and cold. When did she get here? She hears singing and it sounds like Russian and she's trying to cling onto it but her head feels water clogged and her lungs are straining. She reaches out with her vibrations and can feel the buzzing of Bobbi. And she's alive. She's there.
“Come back to me love. Open your eyes for me”
And Daisy forces her eyes open and her breath stutters, her heart skips a beat and tears roll down her cheeks and past her temples, dripping to her hair. Forehead coated in sweat. Her head cradled in Bobbi's lap as Bobbi's hands smooth away Daisy's dark locks with soft touches while singing. Seeing Daisy's open eyes, Bobbi's shoulders sag in relief and she leans down placing her forehead against Daisy's as she continues humming the soft sweet tune with a shaky voice. Own eyes glassy from unshed tears.
It takes a while but Daisy calms down enough to realize where she is. She wants to apologize. Wants to explain herself but her throat still feels tight and her tongue won't move. Her mouth feels like it's full of sand. Her lips are trembling and all she gets out is a whimper which prompts Bobbi to shush her.
And she's tired, she's so tired. Her eyelids feel like they weigh a ton and everything hurts. But she can't sleep. She's terrified of what her mind will conjure up. The fear makes her shiver and her brow crease but Bobbi's there.
Bobbi Bobbi Bobbi.
Bobbi sits back up and smooths the frown away with the pad of her thumb before placing feather light kisses on Daisy's cheeks drying her tears. She murmurs something to Daisy, but the words don't register, they just bounce around in her mind and she can't comprehend them. Bobbi must see the confused look in her eyes and just smiles down at her. Then she shifts herself slipping her arms underneath Daisy's legs and shoulders and hoists her up from the ground, walking over to the bed and placing her under the covers. She switches the light off and slips next to Daisy holding her in her arms.
Daisy's sags into her embrace and places her ear on Bobbi's chest to listen to the woman's heart beating while also hiding her face in the crook of the blonde's neck. Her hands fist Bobbi's shirt so that she won't fade away. All the while Bobbi humms. She doesn't say anything. Doesn't ask any questions. Doesn't judge. She just holds her and hums the same tune carding her fingers through Daisy's hair with one hand while the other holds her securely and protectively. Daisy inhales her scent, she tries to ground herself in the blonde's presence. Listens to her heart thumping. Her gentle vibrations soothing Daisy.
“Sleep love. I'll be here. For as long as you want me to be.” Bobbi murmurs with such gentleness that it almost makes Daisy start crying again.
She wants to thank her. Wants to apologize. Wants to explain or just say something but she's doesn't think she's capable of doing that. Her mind feels like a thick fog has settled over it and her thoughts become hard to grasp onto. They are swept away by the turbulent winds and consumed by the storms of her head. And she's just so tired.
So she snuggles closer to Bobbi and the blonde shifts so that Daisy is cocooned between her arms, and they are both comfortable. Then she kisses the girls head.
“I promise I won't let anything happen to you. I'll chase the nightmares away. I'll go to hell and back for you Dee. You're safe now.” she whispers in a thick voice.
She knows Daisy isn't verbal right now. Knows she probably can't understand what she's saying. But it doesn't matter, because Daisy starts to relax and her eyes start to droop. Her breathing slowly evens out and her hands loosen their grip on her shirt as she drifts off to sleep.
And Bobbi watches over her. She holds her and rocks her when Daisy starts whimpering. Bobbi whispers reassurances and sings when soft quakes shake the bed. But she wishes she could do more. Wishes she could chase the demons away and undo all the trauma, all the harm, all the pain and uncertainty.
But for now she holds her girl.