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Buck shivered, clutching Christopher closer to his side. It was bad. It was so bad. He took a steadying breath, trying to keep his scent in check. The pup had finally calmed down and he didn't need to add more stress to him. Buck looked at the glass shard in his side, blood dripping steadily from the wound and the large laceration bleeding down his arm, the proof of his blood thinners running in rivulets. His nose burned as he kept tears from falling.
His luck had run out. He was dying. There was too much blood. He couldn't stop this. And Chris. Chris had been so brave this whole time but watching Buck die wasn't something he could let the pup go through. Chris was watching the water with mild interest. It was still too high and the current too strong for them to try walking. Not that Buck could move anyways. They were stuck.
“Buck?”
“Yea, Superman?”
“Is my dad gonna find us?”
“Yes,” Buck promised immediately. “Your dad is gonna find you and everything is gonna be okay. Okay? I promise.”
He's not a firefighter anymore, he can make those promises. And it's not a lie. Chris will be fine. Eddie and Chris will be fine. That thought warms Buck slightly and he closes his eyes.
“Buck, you gotta stay awake,” Christopher pokes at him.
Buck groans and pries his eyes open. Chris is staring at him, the sun illuminating his curls, now salt crusted from the ocean water. “Buck, there's a boat.”
Buck pushes himself to the railing to look where Chris is pointing. It's a life raft, not standard issue, probably people just helping how they can, but anything is better than nothing. Buck yells at them, begging them to come for Chris. The raft seems to ignore them, pushing forward without a glance, and then at the last second, it turns towards them. Buck lets out a breath, relief flooding his system.
When the raft gets closer, Buck feels that relief leave him. The raft is so full, water is dangerously close to sinking them. There's people in just as bad shape as him, if not worse. “I'm sorry,”a young woman says. Buck can smell the guilt radiating off of her. “I can't take you.”
“Please,” Buck's voice rasps. “Please, take him? His dad's an LAFD firefighter. Please just get him safe?” Buck pleads.
Chris’s scent swirls, the naturally sweet pup smell turning sour. “No, Buck, I want to stay with you.”
Buck ignores him. “Please, please take him.”
The woman chews her lip, looking at the precariously full raft but nods and Buck wants to cry with relief. Chris lets out a whine in protest and Buck pulls him close. He presses his nose into the pup’s damp curls and breathes him in and scenting him, offering what little comfort he can. He shrugs off his overshirt and wraps it around Christopher. “I need you to be brave, Chris,” Buck says. “These people are gonna help you find your dad.”
“I don't want to leave you,” Chris whimpers, nuzzling his face into Buck's neck.
“I know, but I need you to. And then you can tell your dad how to find me, okay?” Buck doesn't wait for an answer as he pries Christopher's clenched fingers off his shirt. He winces as he hands him down to the alpha in the boat, the glass in his side pulling painfully, blood flowing even more freely now.
The woman looks at him, eyes sad. “We'll send someone to come get you,” she says.
“Just find his dad. Eddie Diaz, he's a firefighter with the 118.”
She nods and starts rowing away. Buck watches as Chris burrows himself in Buck's shirt, clinging to his scent as much as he can. He sends out a prayer to anyone listening that this isn't the last time he'll see Chris, but if it is, he hopes it's because Chris is safe. Buck chokes on a sob when he hears Chris cry out for him, begging to go back and if he had the strength, he’d be swimming to hold his pup in his arms. But he can't. He can barely keep his eyes open. His head throbs, his side is sticky and warm, his arm feels as though it's been shredded.
It doesn't take long. Knowing Chris is safe makes it easier to let go. Knowing that Eddie and Chris will be together at least, means Buck doesn't have to keep fighting so hard. He thinks about Eddie's soft brown eyes, the way the alpha crawled into his life and heart, the way Chris accepted him so easily. Everything with the Diazes was easy.
He lets his eyes close.
Eddie sighs, wiping the sweat from his face with his sleeve. He knew there would be days like this. Days where it wasn't the pheromones overwhelming everyone, but the stench of blood, death, and sorrow. It settled around the makeshift field hospital, each limp body bringing in a fresh wave. His alpha was restless, wanting to run, to find his pup, to keep him safe from the world.
He takes a large gulp of water and reminds himself. Chris is safe. He is with Buck. There is no place safer for his pup. Even if he hadn't heard from Buck yet, the phone lines were too flooded to get through. Buck would never let anything happen to Christopher. Evan Buckley was the safest person in the universe.
Bobby's voice crackles through his radio. “Eddie, we got a new group of people coming in on the south side.”
Eddie clicks his radio. “Copy, Cap.” He downs the rest of the water and prepares himself for more vacant eyes, bloody bodies, and death.
Chim and Hen are already treating people when he walks up. He glances around, triaging in his head. A familiar scent hits him and instinct takes over. His alpha howls, clawing at his chest. “Christopher!” He’s panicking, that scent was his pup. He looks around wildly. “Christopher!”
“Dad?”
It’s a small voice, and Eddie whips around to see an alpha woman holding a bundle wrapped in a too big shirt. Eddie growls, baring his teeth without even thinking. He watches the woman place the bundle gently on the ground and raise her hands submissively, before taking a step back. Chris turns around, big eyes looking up at him. “Dad?”
Eddie is on his knees, his pup in his arms before he can blink. He buries his nose into the familiar curls and breathes deeply. His chest rumbles and Chris makes a small cry. “Chris, are you hurt?” He pulls away reluctantly, eyes searching his pup's body for any injuries.
The alpha woman still stands a few feet away and he can smell sorrow and guilt on her when Eddie looks at her. “I'm sorry,” she says. “We didn't have room to save your omega, he was in pretty bad shape. But he made us take your son.”
Eddie blinked. His what?
“Buck, dad!” Chris’s voice oozed desperation. “We have to go find Buck! He saved me and he was bleeding and we couldn't bring him with us,” Chris's eyes fill with tears and Eddie's brain short circuits.
“Eddie?”
Bobby and Hen stare at him and at Christopher. Hen's eyes are wide. “Oh god,” she says. “Wasn't Chris with-”
A raw, broken sound claws its way out of Eddie's throat and Hen's face falls. “Okay, okay, Eddie,” she's using her patient voice. “Eddie, can I check Christopher over?”
He nods numbly. “I'm fine!” Chris yells through angry tears. “I want to find Buck!”
“Chris, honey, you have blood on your shirt.”
“It’s Buck’s! We need to find him!” Chris cries.
Hen looks at Bobby and Eddie. They're staring at each other, as if having a silent conversation. When neither man says anything, she kneels to Chris’s level. “Chris, I want to find Buck too,” she says. “But he would want me to make sure you were safe and not hurt before we do anything else. So how about we go check you out and let your dad and Bobby figure out how to save Buck?”
Chris sniffles but nods and takes Hen's offered hand. She stands and places a comforting hand on Eddie's shoulder before walking to one of the first aid tents. Eddie can only watch.
“Bobby, this is-”
“Stop.”
Eddie freezes.
Bobby's eyes are red when he looks at his captain, the fear Eddie experienced for only a split second is now pouring from Bobby in waves almost as powerful as the ones that devastated the coast. The fear of losing a child. Bobby thought he was keeping Buck safe by keeping him off the force. “We're gonna find him,” Bobby finally chokes out. “We're gonna find him.”
Eddie nods. He points to the alpha woman that was holding Christopher. Was that really only a few minutes ago? “She had Chris,” he manages to say.
Bobby leads the way, but Eddie stays two steps behind him, suddenly embarrassed by his display of aggression when she was holding Chris. He needs Cap's diplomacy this time.
“I'm Captain Nash of the 118,” Bobby says, holding his hand out. “And pack alpha. Thank you for bringing our pup back.”
She nods and looks at Eddie. Eddie clears his throat. “I'm sorry about before,” he mumbles.
She shakes her head. “I would have reacted the same if a strange alpha was holding my pup with my omega nowhere in sight.”
Bobby glances at Eddie, and makes a mental note when Eddie doesn't correct her. “Where did you leave him? Buck?”
“Near the pier, or what was left of it. There was a fire truck that they had climbed up on,” she says. “I think it said 133 on the side.”
“You said he was injured,” Eddie says.
She nods and looks down briefly. “We couldn't carry anymore. Taking Chris was a risk but I couldn’t leave a kid.”
“What were his injuries?” Bobby asks.
“He was bleeding from his side and his arm,” she said. “He was really pale, but he begged me to take Chris.”
The blood thinners that he insisted weren't dangerous. Eddie wants to vomit. He can smell the concern radiating off his captain as well as something sour and burnt. It takes a minute for him to realize it’s his own guilt. If only he'd let Buck stay in bed this morning.
His alpha howled in his chest, clawing against him, desperate to search, to find, to protect his omega, his Buck . Eddie flinched. Buck wasn't his. Something his alpha seemed to forget or ignore at the moment.
“Eddie,” Bobby's voice cuts through the blood rushing in his ears. He waits until Eddie meets his eyes. “I'm gonna take Chim with me. We'll find him.”
Eddie's alpha growls and protests loudly against this. Eddie’s hands clench into fists. “Bobby, please, it was my fault, let me come,” his voice doesn't sound his own. It sounds broken. How many times is the universe going to dangle Evan Buckley's life in front of him?
Bobby looks at him, pity in his eyes. “Eddie, your son needs you here. And mine needs me out there. In this state, you're a liability and I can't take care of both of you. Trust us to get him.”
It takes everything in him to nod. “Bobby,” he croaks. “If you can't…if he's gone,” he chokes on his words. “I still want to see him.”
Bobby nods and runs to grab Chim. Hen's voice calls to Eddie. “Christopher is asking for you,” she yells from a tent.
Eddie takes a breath and steels himself. His son needs him to be strong. He enters the tent with a plastered smile. “Mijo, cómo te sientes?”
Chris's face is fierce when he looks up at his dad. “Where's Buck?”
Eddie sighs and looks at Hen. “He's perfectly fine. Barely even a scratch,” she says.
“Because Buck protected me!” Chris yells. “Where is he?”
Eddie kneels to meet Chris’s eyes level. “Mijo, Bobby and Chimney went to go get Buck, okay?”
Chris frowns. “Why aren't you with them?”
Eddie’s voice falters and he looks at Hen pleadingly. “Chris, you know how you are better at some things than other kids? And other kids are better at other things than you?” Hen says. Chris nods. “Chim and Bobby are the best people to help Buck right now. And your dad is the best person to be with you. Do you understand?”
Chris nods and sniffles, pulling the large shirt around his shoulders again. “Where'd you get the shirt?” Eddie asks, sliding to sit next to Chris and pull him close.
“Buck,” he says softly. “He told me I had to be brave and that you would find me. And he said everything was going to be okay. He lied!” Chris yells the last part and Eddie's heart breaks.
Eddie pulls his son into his lap and scents him. He breathes in his pup's sorrowful scent and wants to wail. His son is so young to lose so many people. He buries his nose into Chris’s unruly hair again and breathes deeply and feels a flare in his chest. Buck scented him before letting him go. He can smell Buck on his son. Even in his desperation to get Chris to safety, he had thought to offer his son comfort, even offering his own shirt. “Buck didn’t lie, mijo,” he whispers to Chris. “Buck told you what he believed was going to happen. He loves you so much. And you were so brave, Chris.”
Chris sniffles and curls into his dad’s chest. Eddie's alpha howls again. Buck isn't his, he reminds himself again, but it doesn't seem to matter. All he wants is to have Buck in his arms.
It feels like hours. Chris finally falls asleep, plastered to his chest, his face buried in Eddie's neck. Eddie holds him tight, knowing if he lets go, he won't be able to stop himself from searching for Buck. More people come and go, survivors and helpers. The night air is filled with the cries of loved ones and a stench of death that grows heavy around them.
Eddie dozes. He doesn't mean to, but his body is tired and sore and his son is on his chest. For a short moment, he can pretend everything is okay.
His radio wakes him with a jerk. “This is Captain Nash of the 118, ETA is 5 minutes, patient on blood thinners with a protruding wound through the abdomen. We need a trauma surgeon and blood on standby.”
Chris sits up. “Dad, does he have Buck?”
Hen's voice rings through the radio. “Copy, Cap.”
Eddie clicks the radio. “Cap?”
“It’s not good,” Cap says quietly through the radio.
Eddie sits up and tells Chris to stay put. He exits the tent and clicks the radio again. “What does that mean?”
There's a long silence before the radio comes to life again. “You should prepare Chris to say goodbye.”
Eddie feels the ground disappear beneath his feet. His knees crash to the muddy ground. No, no, no, no. This was his fault. He dragged Buck out of bed, told him to have fun, and look what happened.
“Eddie?” Hen’s calming voice does little to soothe the ache in his chest. “Eddie, let's see him before they take him to surgery, okay?”
She places a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezes. He clambers to his feet, his body feeling like jello. She wraps an arm around him and gently leads him to where a team of surgical staff are anxiously waiting for their next patient with an unnatural quiet.
The second Bobby appears, the staff swarm him, taking Buck’s broken body from his hands and placing him on a gurney. Eddie lunges forward and clasps one of Buck's hands, his fingers wrapping around his wrist, desperately searching for a pulse. Buck's hand is so cold, he weeps when he finally feels a weak pulse beat against his fingers. “Buck, I'm so sorry,” his voice sounds as though he's been screaming. He brushes a strand of hair out of Buck’s face and leans down to whisper in his ear. “I'm so sorry. Chris is safe. You saved him, you got him back to me. Now it's your turn to come back to me, okay? Please, Evan. Come back to me.”
A strong hand stops him from following the trauma team into their makeshift OR. “Eddie, let them do their job,” Hen says. It's not quite a command, but Eddie knows it is. His knees buckle and she guides him to the ground, Bobby and Chim by their sides.
“I should have let him stay in bed.” Eddie doesn't think he could cry even if he tried. He just sounds, feels, broken.
“This isn't on you,” Bobby says. “We couldn't have predicted this. Buck won't blame you.”
“Was he conscious at all?” Eddie asks, dreading the answer, still looking at the tent his person disappeared into.
Chim and Bobby share a glance. “He spoke a little but he wasn't aware,” Chim says. “He was apologizing.”
Eddie turns to them. “Apologizing for what?”
“For not saving Chris,” Bobby says.
“But he did save Chris.”
“We know, Eddie. We're just telling you his state of mind.”
Hen helps him back to his feet and Chim excuses himself to call Maddie. Eddie's eyes are empty when he looks at Bobby. “What do I tell Chris?”
“The truth. The doctors are going to do their very best,” Bobby says with his lips pressed into a thin line. His hands twitch at his side and Eddie wonders if they should suggest he call his sponsor.
Eddie sighs and lets Hen follow him back to the tent. “Hen,” he asks. “How do I do this without scaring him for life?”
“You do it calmly and truthfully. You remind him that Buck loves him and that nothing today was his fault.”
Eddie nods and walks into the tent. Chris nearly jumps into his arms. “Dad! Is Buck okay?”
Eddie sits on the cot and turns Chris to look at him. “Buck was really hurt when they found him,” he says. “The doctors are going to do everything they can to make him better, okay?”
“Like with his leg?”
“Yes, like with his leg.”
“Can we go see him?”
“No, mijo, the doctors need time to work. When they're done, if he's feeling better, we can go see him.”
Chris's eyes pinch in the middle. “Is he hurt bad?”
“Yes.”
“Is he gonna die like mom?”
Eddie takes a sharp breath. He shakes his head. “I don't know Chris. I don't know yet. But I do know that Buck will always fight his hardest to get back to you. No matter what, he wants to be by you. And he loves you so much.”
Chris's big eyes start to fill with tears. “Is this my fault? We should have just gone to the movies.”
Eddie pulls him into his lap and squeezes. “No, mijo. This was no one's fault.”
Except mine.
Chris refuses to leave. Eddie tries everything to bribe him, but the child is stubborn, a trait both Eddie and Shannon seemed to have passed on. “Mijo, please,” Eddie begs.
“No. Buck hates the hospital. He's gonna need us.”
Eddie can't lie to himself, his alpha is getting more agitated by the minute, demanding he see Buck with his own eyes. It's all he can do to not run into the OR. The idea of leaving Buck here alone makes his skin itch uncomfortably. He wishes he could understand why. Buck's been hurt before, and his alpha was just as obstinate then. Like it didn't understand that he had no claim to Buck.
Eddie rubs his eyes. Buck was his friend. His friend who happened to be an omega. Who happened to take care of Chris sometimes. Who introduced them to Carla. Who comes over and cooks dinner just because. Who makes Eddie smile as easily as breathing. Who makes his chest feel tight and warm and full all at once. Whose scent makes Eddie want to bathe in it.
Oh.
Oh, god.
Before his thoughts can spiral, Bobby enters the tent. “Eddie,” he jerks his head, telling him to follow.
“Is Buck dead?” Chris asks and Eddie's heart stops, looking at Bobby.
Bobby looks at Chris. “No, Chris. He's not dead.”
Eddie hears the end of the sentence that is unsaid. Buck is dying.
He follows Bobby outside and looks at the alpha carefully. His eyes are pinched, shoulders stiff. He looks like a man that knows he's going to cause pain. Sorrow radiates off him, bitter and rotten. Eddie fights the urge to gag.
“They're keeping him comfortable,” Bobby says. “They gave him as much blood as they had available. They said it's a waiting game and all we can do is be with him. They suggested the whole pack be with him.”
“You want me to bring Christopher.”
Bobby's eyes are red when he nods.
Eddie can’t stop the words coming out of his mouth. “He's barely eight years old and his mother just died and you want me to have him sit vigil at Buck's deathbed.”
“It's a lot to ask of you and of him.” Bobby has the sense to look guilty and Eddie can’t even blame him for asking. Bobby's a father begging for his son's life. The selfish part of Eddie wants to allow it. Anything to help Buck. But he's a parent first. He needs to protect his son. Buck would never forgive him if he let Chris watch him die.
“Chris is refusing to leave without seeing him,” Eddie confesses. “30 minutes. I have to protect Chris.”
Bobby sighs in relief. “You should stay. Buck needs you.”
Not as much as I need him.
Eddie tells Chris in no uncertain terms that after his 30 minutes are up, he will need to leave. Chris whines and cries and growls before finally hiccupping in agreement and Eddie hugs him close. “He's going to be asleep,” he tells him. “He might be able to hear you, so you can talk to him. About anything you want. He will be happy to know you're with him, okay?”
Chris nods.
Eddie carries him to where they have Buck set up. Hen blocks his way at the entrance. “His blockers are gone,” she whispers, looking at him pointedly.
“You don't trust me?” Eddie hisses, his face feeling hot.
Hen doesn't falter. “Of course I trust you, Eddie. But he's an unmated omega who just suffered another life altering trauma after two near death experiences this year alone. You can't tell me your instincts right now aren't screaming at you.”
Eddie huffs and shifts Chris’s weight. He hates that Hen’s right. He can’t say that he’s fine, that his alpha is fine. “I trust you to remove me if I become a threat,” he says. It's annoying but he feels better knowing that she'd do anything for Buck. She nods at him and lets him in.
The rest of the pack is already surrounding the omega, their scents making the air feel thick with worry but also like home. This is the family they chose. Under the worried scents, Eddie makes out the one that is just Buck. It's subtle, weak, letting the rest of their pack know that he might not make it this time. They let Eddie pass and place Chris on the corner of Buck’s bed. Eddie gets his first real look at the man in front of him.
He's so pale the birthmark above his eye looks angry against the rest of him. He'd lost weight after the accident, but Eddie can better see how much. Chris shifts to lay across the omega’s chest, careful to avoid the large bandage.
“Hey, Buck,” Chris says softly. “I did what you said. I was brave and daddy found us. So you gotta wake up. Please.”
Eddie looks up to the ceiling, praying to a god he's not sure he believes in. Chim leaves the tent, letting him sit on Buck’s left side and he holds the omega’s freezing hand in his. “I can't thank you enough, Evan,” he whispers, pressing the cold knuckles to his lips. “I know you probably blame yourself, but this isn't your fault. You saved him and got him to safety. You faced a tsunami with an eight year old and he barely has a scratch on him. You,” Eddie chokes on his words. “Can you give us one more miracle? Please?”
The pack comes in and out in between triaging new arrivals. Only Eddie and Bobby stay consistently, Maddie being needed as a former nurse. Eddie gives Chris an extra 30 minutes of Buck time. The pup fell asleep almost immediately, and despite the trauma of the day, soft grumbles emit from his chest. He feels safe with his Buck.
He pries his son gently off Buck's chest and into his own. Christopher pushes his face into his dad's neck and breathes deeply. “Mijo,” Eddie says softly. “Say goodbye to Buck.”
He hopes it's not the last time Chris says it. He hopes those blue eyes will flicker open and everything will be right in the world. He hopes Chris doesn't know this might be the last time he sees him.
He walks Chris out to where Carla is waiting with her car. She immediately jumps out and starts fussing over both of them. “And Buck?” She asks.
“No change,” Eddie says. “You okay to keep him for the night?”
“Of course.”
Buck is alone when Eddie walks back in. Without thinking, he slides himself next to the omega's pale body on the cot, and wraps his arms around him. His alpha hums in contentment as Eddie presses a kiss to the loose curls on Buck's head. He doesn't know when it happened, but he might be in love with his best friend. From here, he can tell Buck's scent is still muted and somehow wrong, but alive.
“I need you to come back to us, Evan,” Eddie whispers into his ear. “I need to tell you. Even if you don't want me like this, I need you to be here, to be alive.”
The next time the tent opens, Hen finds Eddie asleep, wrapped around Buck. Buck's breathing seems easier and some color has returned to his face. Hen grabs one of the buckets they were using as chairs and places it outside, taking a seat. Her brothers are in the best possible hands right now. She hopes it's enough.
Eddie wakes to a whimper coming from the man next to him and his eyes fly open. “Buck?”
Buck's eyes are open but unseeing. “Chris! Christopher!” His voice comes out in raspy screams.
“Buck!” Eddie carefully climbs on top of the man, not putting any weight on his frail body, and forces him to meet his eyes. “Buck, Chris is safe. You kept him safe. He's with Carla.”
“Eddie,” Buck breathes. The smell of distressed omega and guilt floods Eddie's nose. He wants nothing more than for that panic to go away. “Eddie, I'm so sorry. We should have gone to the movies or something. I had to send him with strangers.”
Eddie can't be blamed for what he does next. Buck is staring at him, eyes wet, face pale, having nearly killed himself to keep his son safe, begging for forgiveness. He presses his mouth to Buck's, silencing his protests and swallowing the high pitched whine that comes from him. It feels like nothing he's ever experienced. Buck's lips are chapped and salty and it's perfect. One of Buck's hands finds a perch on the back of his neck and Eddie presses his tongue against his lips, entering Buck's mouth like he owns it. When he pulls away for air, Buck whines again.
“You saved our son,” Eddie says to him, his voice now lower than before. “You saved him.”
Buck breathes heavily looking up at Eddie with wide eyes. “Eds…if that was just thanks…I…I can't…”
Eddie drops his head low and runs his tongue over Buck's scent gland. Buck gasps and Eddie can smell the want coming from him. “I want you,” Eddie says. “Not because you saved Chris, but because I love you. Because somehow, when I wasn't paying attention, you buried yourself deep into my soul and I don't want to let you out of my sight ever again.”
“Eddie,” Buck whines. “You can't just say things like that.”
Eddie climbs off to Buck’s dismay and settles behind him, pulling him into his chest. “When you're healed up, I'm going to take you home. Our home. If you'll have me,” he whispers.
Buck whines again. “Yes, yes, yours,” he tries to press his ass against Eddie's hips but Eddie grips him tight.
“I'm not fucking you in a field hospital, Buckley,” Eddie growls.
“Alpha…”
Eddie swears. “Buck, please, let me take care of you. Let me make sure you're healthy. And then I'll do whatever you want.”
Buck turns to look at him. “Anything?”
Eddie places his hand gently on Buck’s cheek. “Anything.”