Chapter Text
Garrus
For almost six months straight, Garrus never stopped working.
Day after day, morning until night, he pushed the limits of what was bureaucratically possible to accomplish with an “Official Reaper Task Force.” He wielded his token role of Expert Advisor like a rusty blade, relentlessly hacking, prodding, and sawing at the fossilized knots of government procedures. It was exhausting, and frustrating. And it was never enough.
But it was a start, he supposed. So far, thanks to Garrus’ influence, the Hierarchy had at least hardened their lines of communications, expanded emergency stockpiles across colonies, and improved all early warning detection protocols. It was better than nothing- but they still had a long way to go.
He only stopped to sleep; and he always slept where he landed. He pushed through burnout with (way too many) stims. He argued with obstructionists until his voice went raw. He almost ended up in physical altercations with two (or three) prominent politicians.
He did as much as he could (legally) get away with... and maybe a little more.
Of course, he also tried to check in at home whenever he could. But those moments were always hurried, and had become increasingly rare.
Perhaps the only upside to the situation was that he was so busy, he didn't have time to think about how much he missed Shepard.
Well, mostly.
Sort of.
...
Anyway... he should probably get back to work.
The day after Livia Donidus Vakarian passed away, Garrus realized he’d finally reached his limit.
After a miserable afternoon coordinating with relatives and bereavement officials, he needed to get some air. The upper balcony outside his family’s urban residence had been a favorite spot of his growing up- it usually helped clear his head.
When he stepped outside, he was relieved that no one else was there. He angled a chair toward the familiar view of Palaven’s capital city, and when he finally let himself sit down... damn it, he may as well have weighed himself down with steel cables. He was just so spent- in body, mind, and soul- that he honestly feared he might never be able to get back up.
The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows through the sprawl of their district. It was strange, Garrus thought as he took it all in, how everyone else in the world seemed to just... carry on.
His sister Solana eventually found him outside. He didn’t mind. She let out a long sigh as she sat down next to him, then quietly folded her hands together while her weary gaze fixed listlessly ahead.
Garrus' heart twisted at the sight of her. Spirits... had she always looked so much like their mother?
“Dad’s too proud to bring it up,” Sol finally said, “But, I wanted to say thank you.”
Garrus wasn’t sure what she might be referring to. “For what?” He asked.
“For paying for everything,” she answered numbly. “The private doctors... the in-home care...you know, all of it.”
Garrus shook his head. Either he wasn’t thinking straight, or Sol wasn’t making any sense. He honestly couldn’t tell the difference right now. “What are you talking about?”
“Whatever, have it your way,” she waved him off, “You’re an ‘anonymous donor.’ I don’t care how you got the money. Just know that I’m... that Dad and I... you should know that we’re grateful.”
Garrus still didn’t understand, because he hadn’t paid for anything. He’d tried to- but the service administrator insisted it had already been covered. He’d assumed their father and uncle had taken care of it. “Sol, I-”
“That’s all I wanted to say,” she abruptly stood up and went back inside, leaving him alone with the sunset.
Garrus sighed. Right now, he didn’t give a crap about who had paid for what, or how. What the hell did it matter? Money couldn’t save his mom; and it couldn’t fix his broken heart.
Damn it... he wished Shepard were here.
He hadn’t been able to talk to her in over six months, but Garrus wasn’t ready to accept that she might be gone from his life for good. This wasn’t like the last time he’d lost her, he tried to remind himself. This time, she was still alive, and her trial on Earth was still ongoing. Final decisions about her fate by the powers that be had yet to be made.
He knew it would be a long shot... but Garrus was desperate to believe there was still a chance that he would hold her in his arms again; a chance that he could cheer her up with a stupid joke; a chance that she might softly whisper in his ear that they were in this mess together- always- for whatever trouble or hardship may come.
But right now, she was lightyears away... and her warm embrace was only a fading memory.
The sun eventually dipped below the horizon, and Garrus submitted to the stark chill that settled over him with the night air. As the temperature dropped, his body tensed and shivered in defiance; but he forced himself to endure it. To welcome it. He didn’t know why.
He lifted his gaze toward Menae, Palaven’s largest moon, as it waxed brightly overhead. Garrus would have to head back there first thing in the morning to coordinate with his taskforce. He had no choice; there was still so much to do, and he still felt like he was fumbling around in the dark.
Garrus didn’t know it yet, but in the months to come, he would look back on this moment in time with sober ambivalence. Might he have done anything differently, he would wonder, if he’d known that in just five days, Palaven would burn?
At the time, could he have possibly accepted that Liv Vakarian had been one of the lucky ones?
She suddenly called his name, urging him to come in from the cold. He turned toward the sound of her voice... but she wasn’t there. He knew she wouldn't be.
But, he finally made himself stand up, stretch his aching limbs, and abide her just the same.
Spirits... if only he’d understood back then, that his poor mother had died just in time.