Chapter Text
Jing Yuan’s heart felt heavy.
Two objects laid before him on his desk for his perusal: a silver longevity lock with a crack running through its very center sat atop a white silk wrapping and a single frost bird that would never melt or soar in flight again. He still remembered the spring day when Yanqing had arrived at his new home aboard the Luofu and how the bright-eyed baby who had been a precious and small weight held to his chest, had reached out to grasp the newly gifted locket. Yanqing’s laughter had rung clear just like the tinkling of the silver charm’s bells.
Jing Yuan thought of that feeling of faint joy and reassurance he held every time he would hear the familiar bell chimes to signal the arrival of his child’s presence and how the same bells would now forever remain silent.
His mind felt like a mess. His thoughts just kept circling over and over about how fate cruel could be and how Yanqing with all his youthful exuberance and brilliance, the one who had given Jing Yuan so much hope, and made him feel like he was truly living in the present after going through the motions with time passing in a flash that had actually been centuries past— was simply gone forever.
He would never see Yanqing’s smile that was like sunshine, never hear his cheerful greetings and seemingly endless ramblings about things that had caught his interest during his newest excursion or mission, never get to watch over him during his training and feel pride at his apprentice’s steady progress, and remind his boy to take care of himself during their shared breaks usually spent playing starchess. Jing Yuan would never see Yanqing again, and he simply could not accept it.
Jing Yuan has countless regrets accumulated throughout the long years of being the longest-standing Arbiter-General. While the Luofu had lost its famed General, Jing Yuan had lost a mentor who had believed in a wayward youthful Lieutenant who was set on his own ways of handling problems and issues that would arise and given him a higher position in the Cloud Knights. Even when the High-Cloud Quintet fell far from the lofty heights they had once tirelessly taken up arms and reached together, he alone had endured and remained.
He honestly questioned how he managed to deal with the painful aftermath of personally giving Dan Feng’s sentence and seeing the resigned look on his dear friend’s face at his fate to fulfilling the promise he had made of striking down his Master and repaying the gift of her instruction in the only way he can when the mara inevitably took hold of her only a year after the Sedition’s occurrence.
The fact of the matter was that Jing Yuan was no stranger to experiencing the pain of loss, inevitable separations, and casualties. As the General, he has made countless decisions that pained him and ones he would not quite reconcile even after contemplating what would yield the best outcomes and the least losses. He has dealt with such things alone for a long time, but now Jing Yuan does not know how he could live with himself for failing to protect Yanqing. How could he begin to accept a reality where his child was gone?
Jing Yuan was someone who had stood firm and resolute against the merciless ravages of time as an immortal aboard the Luofu while Yanqing was so painfully young and still held childish innocence that he sought to protect, a fledgling barely out of the nest. He foolishly deluded himself that fate would grant him the mercy of not having to bury the child he had raised, only to have Yanqing ripped away from this life without rhyme or reason in a cruel twist of fate.
Admittedly, Jing Yuan had feared for Yanqing’s life many times. The boy had been a sickly child even as he had grown up to be strong and showed promise to rival him in martial strength when he had taken him in as his Lieutenant and retainer after Yanqing’s brilliant showing in the martial arts tournament hosted by the Seat of Divine Foresight. (His child smiled so brightly that day after his victory. “General, I won!” the prodigy had beamed as he brandished the shining medal he had earned and looked up at him expectantly as if awaiting praise and approval. “ You did well, Yanqing. I know you would.” He had not been able to resist giving him an indulgent pat on the head, and the boy’s eyes crinkled with a bright and wide smile.)
He was usually not a superstitious person, but each time little Yanqing fell sick, Jing Yuan would keep vigil throughout the nights due to his fear that the fragile baby’s breath would be his last, and he would gift Yanqing various protection charms that only accumulated over time. Perhaps, the charms could be called impractical or too archaic and traditional, but they helped assuage his fears for his child’s safety and were a show of his sentiments for the boy to be kept free from harm and live a happy life, resulting in Yanqing practically covered head to toe in auspicious silver locks and red strings.
Jing Yuan had never told Yanqing about his anxieties over his safety. Though friends and known foes alike were scattered to the wind, he knew all too well that he had many enemies hiding in the shadows stewing from resentment and discontent from his long reign as General. Many people loathed him for his actions or simply for what he represented as a person in power for so long in the Xianzhou.
Since the very beginning, his promotion to General as a member of the High-Cloud Quintet resulted in uproars and dissent by certain officials, and being in such a position also held the hazards of attempts on his life and the people who worked closely with him. Jing Yuan had long feared just by association with him alone that Yanqing would also be the target of such malice.
When Yanqing had looked up at him one day during a lengthy training session and earnestly told him he would follow the same path that Jing Yuan took even if it would be difficult, he had felt both a pang in his heart and a sense of pride at how the helpless baby he decided to bring into his life had grown up so well. Jing Yuan had silently promised himself that he would help his little bird soar to the heights he dreamt of reaching.
His worries over his safety had eased slightly when Yanqing diligently listened to his teachings, and his skills had improved in leaps and bounds rapidly that Jing Yuan was confident the boy would only become better than himself and everyone else given time and careful nurturing of his natural talents.
Yanqing would indeed prove himself to surpass most of the fighters aboard the Luofu during the martial arts tournament, and Jing Yuan had been able to indoctrinate him into the Cloud Knights, where he could keep him close as his Lieutenant and only retainer while other Generals had multiple retainers to seek for counsel despite public outcry due to the boy’s young age.
He worried about the perils of Yanqing becoming a simple footsoldier and how he would not be able to keep an eye on his progress and safety on the battlefield, but fate had been on their side with Yanqing’s victory in the tournament, and he had been able to personally supervise Yanqing in their day-to-day affairs with his capacity as a General and made sure to accompany him on expeditions where enemies were exceedingly dangerous such as the missions of felling the borisin broodlords and sinking the wingweaver fleet.
While Jing Yuan had his own misgivings and fears about sending Yanqing to fight Abominations of Abundance, seeing Yanqing on the battlefield with a blade in hand, he had never seemed so free as he soared around the enemy and directed his ice swords to descend upon their enemies. He would never dare clip Yanqing’s wings and take away his joy in flight.
Even as a small child, Yanqing had shown great promise, diligence, and a certain stubbornness that made Jing Yuan truly believe the boy could fulfill his lofty ambitions with time and care. The first time the boy manifested his ice powers during a training session, Jing Yuan felt a mixture of pride and fear. The boy’s exhilarated laughter had rung clear while blades and swallows crafted of ice encircled him, dichromatic hues glittering under the sunlight. Yanqing’s future had seemed so bright, glorious, and endlessly stretching forward.
His gaze landed on the frost bird and lingered on the weak pink and blue shimmer running through it. It was the last trace of a moment frozen in time and the record of Yanqing’s final message that would herald the beginning of the end of more peaceful and happier times the General would be able to share with his cherished apprentice and retainer with him who was hailed as the Divine Foresight, none the wiser about what would befall them.
Jing Yuan abruptly felt wetness on his cheeks and started blinking back tears. He let out a shaky sigh that could have been a sob and buried his face in his hands. They were trembling slightly. He found himself wondering again and again how things had spiraled out of control so fast and out of his hands that he could not accept it. Jing Yuan has many regrets throughout his life, yet losing Yanqing, losing his son would be his greatest regret.
There were too many words left unspoken between them, too many things Jing Yuan wanted to tell Yanqing. He does not even remember the words he left Yanqing during the last moment that unknown to him, they would share. It had been just like any other day with Yanqing cheerfully telling him he would see the General at their home later, yet things took a turn for the worst.
Jing Yuan had selfishly placed so many hopes on Yanqing’s shoulders. While many questioned why a General would take in an unknown day-old orphan from the battlefield, he never regretted introducing Yanqing into his life. To him, Yanqing was his hope for the future renewed, a child born in peacetime who would help usher a new beginning to the Luofu much like the arrival of spring.
Jing Yuan thought he could protect Yanqing while being the wind underneath his wings which would aid him in fulfilling the heights he wanted to reach. He felt pride at Yanqing’s progress, but could not help but feel protective of him. He did not want to restrict him, and he believed Yanqing would be safest inside the Luofu under his protection.
Jing Yuan truly believed he would be enough to protect his loved ones from being harmed this time around as the venerated General known as the Divine Foresight. He was not the clueless Lieutenant caught off guard by the threat of an emanator and unaware that the aftermath would lead to loss and endless separation from his dearest companions, but in the end, Jing Yuan had not been enough to keep Yanqing safe. He had failed to keep the High-Cloud Quintet from falling apart centuries past, and he was a failure of a Master, a General, and a father to prevent Yanqing’s death. Jing Yuan thought they would have more time together…
“I lost Yanqing… I lost my son, and I can never forgive myself for that.”
The sounds of a knock on the door and approaching familiar footsteps broke Jing Yuan out of his grief-laden reverie, and he did not even bother trying to be discreet in wiping the tears from his eyes. He felt so heavy and hollowed out in his sorrow and drowning in endless regrets. Jing Yuan felt the weight of all the years he had lived.
“General,” greeted Chiyan softly, bowing his head at him in respect. His face was hidden by his usual Cloud Knight helmet, but his voice was slightly hoarse. Jing Yuan was abruptly reminded that he was not the only one mourning Yanqing’s loss.
“The guests from the Astral Express are here to see you. Should I let them in?” the guard asked with a hint of hesitation.
“You may,” he acknowledged.
“It must be important since they came on short notice and so soon after the battle,” Jing Yuan sighed.
“Understood, General. They will enter after a moment.”
Chiyan seemed to pause, hesitating as if he wanted to say something else, but then shook his head. Jing Yuan did not miss how his gaze lingered momentarily on the familiar objects on his desk. The guard saluted once and walked off again to allow the Astral Express crew entry. Jing Yuan silently thanked him for the guard’s consideration as he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and took a brief moment to compose himself for what he knew would be a difficult conversation.
“I’m sorry, General.”
March and Stelle cast tentatively apologetic looks at the General who had paled seeing the item they held out and the reason behind their sudden request for an audience. The six-phased ice user could not quite look the man in the eye. General Jing Yuan seemed like a beacon of strength and wisdom to even herself as an outsider. His presence in the battle had been a reassurance as divine lightning crackled and devastating killing blows were dealt with each sweep of his famed Starfall Reverie weapon, every motion made to annihilate the threat and perpetrator behind the Stellaron crisis.
She knew they would win the moment she saw grief and fury in equal measure on his face, which reminded her of the rumors of the Xianzhou Generals all being Hunt emanators before they stepped foot on the once underwater palace. (March 7th had also looked away as his wrath and vengeance had cooled with victory and the ghostly flicker of Phantylia’s existence fleeing, and only utter devastation and sorrow remained as the great Divine Foresight fell to his knees and wept for the one who he had avenged and lost all the same.)
The atmosphere at the Seat of Divine Foresight was tense in mourning since their arrival, and it made something in both Trailblazers’ hearts ache in shared sympathy. In their previous expedition, they had seen a daughter collapse in grief from witnessing her mother’s death. While on this planet, they had won the battle and contained the Stellaron, yet judging by the General’s expression now, it was all too clear the price of victory had been too steep and blood-stained.
Jing Yuan’s hand trembled around the jade tracer in his clasp, settling down the item gently before him on his desk as if it would shatter if not handled with care. The General gave Stelle and March a soft smile that did not quite reach his eyes. In his grief, the General seemed so much older as if all the centuries he had lived had finally caught up to him in his sorrow.
“Whatever are you apologizing for? You have my heartfelt gratitude for granting your aid during the battle against Phantylia and for returning this. Without a doubt, this jade tracer belongs to Yanqing. I can't thank you enough,” he suddenly faltered, voice growing softer as if the words were being scraped from his throat. His hand was still clenched around Yanqing’s jade tracer.
Jing Yuan paused as he took in the guilty expression on their faces and the Trailblazer’s shared hesitancy to speak up.
“You accessed the recording,” the General hummed.
“She pressed a button,” March 7th tried to defend weakly. Stelle shot her an affronted look at that.
“What’s done is done,” Jing Yuan said, languidly waving his hand.
“Besides, I’m actually glad that you carry a memory of the real Yanqing with you now,” he murmured, the other hand still clutching the pale yellow jade tracer the Trailblazers had returned.
“The real Yanqing, huh,” said March 7th softly.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, General. He… seemed like such a bright and kind child from what we saw.”
Jing Yuan gave a small, sad smile at that.
“Bright and kind,” he agreed, looking lost in reminiscence of the boy he had raised as his own.
“He was always a considerate and conscientious child. He could be stubborn and stuck in his own ways at times, but he always did his best to help the people around him. He became a Cloud Knight even after I warned him that it would be a difficult road. He — told me he wanted to be like me and take on the same path I once took,” Jing Yuan trailed off.
“Will you be all right, General?”
The General gave them a tight smile that did not quite reach his golden eyes.
“Thank you for asking after me and for your assistance to the Luofu, friends from the Express. I will see you soon, and talk freely with you once again when everything is settled. Please send my regards to Dan Heng and the rest of the crew.”
It was only when they left that March and Stelle realized Jing Yuan had never replied to their question. After exiting the Seat of Divine Foresight, Stelle quietly directed March 7th to an alley away from prying eyes. The six-phased ice user was shaking, light tremors wracking her frame as she suppressed a sob.
“Sorry. I was really trying to keep it together during the meeting with the General,” she said with a watery smile directed to her companion.
“But it’s just not fair,” cried March 7th. Tears started welling in her eyes and rapidly dripping down her cheeks in streams as she looked up at Stelle. The grey-haired girl laid a reassuring hand on her friend’s back and started rubbing it in circles soothingly as she wept.
“He had such a bright smile. In another life, I would have loved to be a big sister to him, and call him xiao-didi. I wish we had gotten to know the real Yanqing too…”
Obtained Yanqing’s Jade Tracer x1