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Mud splattered onto their boots as they ran, heavy, labored breaths breaking through the silence of the murky swamp.
One boy, in particular, repeatedly tripped over his own feet, gasping as he struggled to keep up. He was growing tired; he had never had to run this far, nor this long before. Unlike the other three, who had been running for almost their entire lives.
"Tsukasa,"
One of the girls paused, looking back at him. "Are you alright? Do you need us to stop for now?"
"No," Tsukasa heaved, shaking his head as he stumbled forwards. "It's okay, I can.. I can keep going-"
His foot got caught under a root, sending him plummeting down into the muddy, wet grass.
"Shit-!"
Now everyone had stopped. An, who was a bit ahead of the other three, quickly ran back. "Tsukasa, are you okay?!"
Tsukasa slowly sat up, his eyes squeezed shut. He was covered in mud and soil.
"Oh, ew..."
Kohane bent down, taking a cloth out of her bag. "Here, let me clean your face," She offered kindly. Tsukasa nodded silently, allowing the blonde to wipe the grime away.
"Tsukasa." Rui knelt down. "Do you think you can keep running?"
As Kohane brought the cloth away from Tsukasa's face, he opened his eyes, looking over at Rui.
"I'm.. I'm fine," He breathed out quietly, looking around. "I don't want to stay here."
An reached out her hand. "We'll be out of the swamp soon," She reassured, "There's gotta be a village near here. We visited it before, didn't we, Kohane?"
Kohane looked over at her friend. "Yeah, I remember.. the inn there was really nice. We should be able to get in for free, too."
"Oh, that's good.."
Tsukasa took An's hand, slowly standing up. He frowned as he looked down at his clothes.
They were dirty. His foot hurt.
He was tired.
How was everyone else able to have so much stamina..? Tsukasa never had any reason to run this fast, and for this long, too...
"We can slow down for a bit." Rui suggested. "It doesn't seem like anybody is following us."
Right. That's why they were running.
Because they ran.
Tsukasa felt his chest tighten. He'd lived in that village his entire life... to leave now just felt so wrong. He had a future there, he was already set up to become the next village chief.
But then, if the four had stayed... then Rui would have died. They would've been the next to be killed.
It was weird to him. Since when had Tsukasa begun to favour the lives of his friends over his own God? He would have to repent for this, surely... perhaps he would never be forgiven for the sins he had just committed.
Running away from everything... and to what? Tsukasa had never been outside before. Rui had moved in after his parents, outside the country, had died in an accident.. and An and Kohane had ran a while ago. They only came back for him and Rui.
Tsukasa knew nothing outside of the life he lived. What rules and regulations were there? Did other villages and towns have churches, did they praise God or choose to abandon him?
Rui slinked an arm around Tsukasa's waist. "Here, lean on me,"
The blond nodded silently, allowing his friend to pull him closer. His heart felt like it had just skipped a beat as his body pressed against Rui.
Was it okay to feel that way? Lately, he had been feeling strange when around Rui, but...
"Let's go, then."
An interrupted the silence, motioning with her head as she began to walk forwards once more. Kohane followed after, and the two boys trailed behind.
"You're limping." Rui whispered to Tsukasa. "Are you alright?"
Tsukasa hesitated before replying: "'M fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Tsukasa nodded weakly. He had a reputation to uphold-
...Or.. he used to.
Not- not anymore. He didn't have people looking up to him anymore. Just.. equals. With these three.
Goodness, this would take a while to get used to, wouldn't it?
The swamp was murky and dark. Trees with thick, dark trunks stood large and tall, obscuring the sunlight with long branches and leaves. Vines hung from the branches, reaching low and almost touching the water. Frogs croaked in the distance, and occasionally, Tsukasa would flinch at the familiar, and quite disturbing (to him, at least) sound of insects buzzing around him.
He looked down at his feet. His shoes were dirty and covered with mud, as was his jacket and pants.
Shame.
They were all white, too. Now they would be stained. Tsukasa did not have any money on him, either... he couldn't just buy new clothes.
Eventually, they reached the end of the swamp. Rays of sunlight peeked through the gaps in the trees and leaves, and An let out a loud sigh of relief.
"The village is this way," She confirmed, pointing to.. wherever the village was, presumably. "Won't be long now!"
She began to sing a tune as she led the others, with Kohane occasionally humming along. Rui chuckled at the sight; they truly did make a good pair.
His eyes flickered to Tsukasa. He was limping. He would always say he was okay, that he was fine- but Rui knew better. He had known Tsukasa for too long, long enough to know that 'I'm fine' was simply an instinctual response to him.
Perhaps he hurt his foot when he tripped. Rui reminded himself to check it out when they finally got to whatever inn Kohane and An were mentioning.
————
Thank goodness for Kohane being the group's designated healer- and 'healer' as in 'I have all the medical supplies so please feel free to use them'.
When the four arrived at the inn, the man at the reception immediately noticed the two girls, before glancing and him and Tsukasa- specifically, the dirt covering his clothes. That wasn't to say that the other three weren't completely clean, either. Rui's own jacket had been singed- a bit closer to that fire and his skin would have gotten burned, too.
It was all thanks to Tsukasa that he managed to survive.
Either way, the man panicked, hastily sending them off to a room and grabbing fresh, clean clothes for them as well. Which brought them to the current state of time, in which Tsukasa was sitting atop the toilet bowl, lid closed, as Rui inspected his foot.
Just as he thought, Tsukasa had indeed cut his foot on that tree root. Thankfully, it wasn't too bad- but there was always the risk of infection. And seeing as the four had just trekked across a dirty, moist swamp.. Rui would rather play it safe.
"Thank you." Tsukasa whispered. An and Kohane were chatting amongst one another outside- they could hear their muffled talking from the door.
"Are you okay?" Rui asked again. "You can be honest with me, you know that.."
Tsukasa stretched his lips out into a thin line, hesitating.
"..I think." He replied, "I don't know."
"Then... how do you feel?" Rui offered.
"Um,"
Tsukasa placed a hand to his chest, wincing as Rui applied an antiseptic to the cut. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Rui repeated curiously. "Then.. how about we break it down?"
"Why?" Tsukasa asked.
"Because I want you to understand your feelings." Rui offered gently. "Maybe one day, you can smile for me."
Smile...
Right.
It seemed like Rui hadn't forgotten about his promise. To be the one to make Tsukasa smile.
It sounded silly. But Rui seemed serious on achieving it. Tsukasa did not know how he would do it.
"How do you feel about being outside the village?" Rui asked. "Are you excited? Worried? Scared, or anything..?"
Was he..
Tsukasa squeezed his chest. Rui continued to clean the cut, muttering a quick apology whenever something stung.
He didn't... know.
How was Tsukasa supposed to know these feelings? How was he supposed to know what it meant to be excited, or scared, or worried?
"I don't.. feel anything." He decided to say.
Rui frowned, glancing up at Tsukasa.
"Are you sure?" He tilted his head to the side. "What do you think about it, then? About leaving the village?"
What did Tsukasa... think. What did he think about leaving the village?
He could... he could think. He had thoughts, he had thoughts about leaving the village.
"...I.."
Tsukasa paused. How could he put those thoughts into words? What was he supposed to say about them?
"Did you want to leave?" Rui's voice lowered to a gentle whisper.
Tsukasa shook his head.
"No." He blurted out. "I don't think.. I should have."
"And why?"
What was this? What even were these questions?
"I.. my family is there." Tsukasa replied. "And.. it's where I live."
"Do you regret leaving, though?"
"Is there a difference?" Tsukasa asked.
Rui nodded, replying with a soft hum, "I think there is."
Tsukasa stared into the distance.
Did he... regret it?
Did he regret throwing away his life for Rui? Did he regret becoming a fugitive to save his friend? Did he regret being selfish over following the rules of the Gods?
Did he regret leaving everything he's ever known, just for a single boy?
Just for Rui?
Tsukasa...
He didn't know if he regretted it or not. His family was probably worried, everyone was probably looking to 'save' him and kill Rui, they all cared about him, didn't they?
Of course. Tsukasa was supposed to be next in line, the next village chief. He had duties to fulfill, rules to follow, people to look after. What was he thinking, just leaving it all behind and forcing everyone to just.. fend for themselves?
His father was getting old. Maybe give it a few years, and then Tsukasa would be the new chief.
Who would take his place now? Saki was sick, his mother was also growing old-
What has he done?
"Tsukasa?" The blond heard Rui speak up. "Is everything okay? You're..."
Tsukasa blinked. His face felt...
"You're crying."
...Wet.
Tsukasa reached up to wipe his face. What was he doing- why was he crying? Why did he have to cry? What was going on?
"I don't-" The blond stammered out, gasping softly. It was getting harder to breathe. "I don't know-"
"Hey, hey, it's alright." Rui put down the bandages, reaching up to Tsukasa's face. The tears wouldn't stop coming. "It's okay, Tsukasa. It's okay to not know. This is still good."
How was it good? This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Tsukasa shouldn't be crying. If he cried, then he was weak. If he was weak, then he was a bad leader. Leaders couldn't be weak. They had to be strong, and crying was a sign of strength. It eant weakness.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop crying.
Stop crying.
Stop crying.
Stop crying.
Stop crying.
Stop fucking crying.
Why?
Why wasn't he stopping? Why was he crying, why was he continuing to cry? He wanted to stop, he didn't want to cry! Stop, stop, stop!
Rui wrapped his arms around Tsukasa, pulling him closer.
"It's okay to cry," He whispered. "It's okay. Let it out, you're only human. We all are."
Rui's words seemed to only cause Tsukasa to break down even more, against his own will. He didn't want to. He didn't want to cry, but Rui was saying that it was fine, that it was okay. That he was allowed to cry, that it didn't make him weak.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.
Not even Tsukasa knew why he was crying, either. Was he sad? Was he worried?
What was he feeling? What was he supposed to be feeling when crying?
The thoughts of leaving the village ran through his head.
Leaving his home.
Leaving his family.
Leaving his past.
Leaving his future.
Leaving his life.
Leaving his beliefs.
Leaving everything he's ever known.
The more he thought of it, the larger the deep void inside of him grew. The tighter his chest felt, the more air was squeezed out of him.
Until- it finally hit him.
He realized what this meant. He realized what he was feeling.
It took long. A few seconds, maybe even a minute or two. But Tsukasa finally managed to sum out his thoughts, his feelings, to Rui.
With a few deep breaths and desperate inhales, Tsukasa managed to choke out:
"..I'm scared."