Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chimney was the one who had come up with the dare in the first place.

Hen was the one who had invited him out.

Eddie was the one who had refused to keep him company and make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.

So really, it was only like, a quarter Buck’s fault he ended up in the position he did.

Or like, a third, maybe, since it was hard to blame Eddie when he wasn’t even there. The dare wouldn’t have happened if Eddie had been there. Or… maybe it would have in some form, but not the way that it had unfolded.

“Eddie, c’mon, man! Just bail,” Buck pleaded as he walked into the bar, phone held to his ear, his voice raising in volume to be heard over the general chaos of the place.

Buck couldn’t see it, but he could practically hear Eddie silently laughing and shaking his head. “I’ve already told you that I’m busy, man. Where’s Tommy, shouldn’t he be keeping you company?”

Buck scoffed, shaking his head, “No. Tommy is at some work party with his pilot friends or whatever.” Which, incidentally, was a bit of a sore point, considering that Buck hadn’t been invited, as apparently it was a flyers only event. 

“Or whatever,” Eddie’s voice crackled with static through the phone, but Buck could still picture him laughing. “Sorry, Buck, you know I normally show up to keep you company, but I really am busy this time.”

“With what?”

“Buck…” Eddie sighed into the phone, and Buck knew he had pushed too much.

He sighed back, “Okay, okay, fine, keep your little secrets.” He teased, “You tell me everything in the end anyway.”

He heard Eddie’s laugh, quiet like he was being careful about it, then another sigh. “I’ll call you tomorrow, alright, Buck? Call me later if you can’t get a ride home.”  

Buck dropped down into the seat across from Chim with a little less enthusiasm. He was glad to be there with his friends — obviously — but he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit sad that his best friend wasn’t going to be there.

Not that it mattered too much, because within a half an hour, Hen had ordered shots and the group was in higher spirits. 

Within two hours, the group was several shots in, as well as multiple rounds of regular drinks. 

Within three, Buck had given Chimney a lap dance, Hen had talked the bartender into giving them free rounds because they were ‘heroes’ and Ravi had spilled his guts about the guy he had a crush on; a doctor he’d met and subsequently online stalked. 

At hour four, they’d fully digressed into playing drinking games. Truth or dare was an easy option, the kind of game everyone knew how to play, and everyone knew how to torture each other with.

They were still missing Bobby, but he didn’t usually come to things like this anyway, so the four of them were plenty. 

Truth or dare didn’t go all that much better than shots in general had.

While Buck’s lap dance for Chimney had been a dare, it hadn’t been a part of the game at large. 

But when Hen was dared to switch shirts with Buck, that was a real dare (and also an awkward fit for them both). 

Ravi had to ask the bartender for his number using specifically the word digits, which he somehow still managed to accomplish (though Buck wasn’t sure the win was worth the teasing from the team). 

Buck confessed that the two times he was caught were not his only public sex-capades, which had the others groaning dramatically, even though they were the ones who’d asked him about it. 

They were about as far down the line of drunk dares as you could get before bodies got hidden when Chim turned to Buck, bright eyed and wide smiled, and announced proudly that he had it. 

Buck was too drunk to really understand what he “had”, but he knew enough to know that it was not going to go well for him.

“Evan Buckley. I dare you to send our beloved teammate Edmundo Diaz one cheeky text every day for the next… 50 days!” He was pointing at Buck, and Hen and Ravi both laughed like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard, and Buck was… confused? 

“But… why?”

The other three were still laughing, Chim looking almost intensely proud of himself, while Hen and Ravi were in various ridiculous stages falling all over themselves, each other and the table with their guffawing. 

Buck would probably be a little more annoyed about it all if he were sober, but instead he was too busy being delighted by how happy his friends were to really realise how much they were making fun of him specifically. 

Or what they were about to force him to do.

Chim raised his hands with drama and glee, “Hen, explain why!” 

Hen was giggling, and she leaned over to shove Buck’s shoulder playfully. “Because you can’t tell him why!” 

Buck still didn’t understand.

“Buckaroo, you can’t tell him, he’s just gonna think you’ve lost it!” Chim was still laughing and Buck was still smiling along like he understood when he didn’t.

“What does… cheeky mean?”

Ravi gasped dramatically, “What can we make him say? Something big, I wanna see Eddie go all firetruck red!”

Hen slapped Ravi’s shoulder, grinning widely, “It has to be something properly weird. It can’t just be a hello text. I want embarrassing content, Buckley.” 

Buck agreed, because he’d never been able to say no to a dare and he really wasn’t sober enough to grasp the gravity of the dare, but he sent his first one off anyway.

*

Text one

               Buckles: u cpme here oftrdn?

*

It was an objectively stupid text, obviously, but it was also all that buck could think of, since it was 3:47am and Buck had had enough shots that he couldn’t really make out his phone screen properly. 

When Buck woke up the following day, he woke up with a pounding headache, a very uncomfortable wedgie from the jeans he’d fallen asleep drunk in and about a thousand messages.

In the group chat affectionately called ‘118 but drunk and gay’, he woke up to several photos of them all looking horribly, embarrassingly inebriated. In several, Ravi had a dick drawn on his cheek in lipstick, which Buck only vaguely remembered happening at some point before they left. In others, Hen and Buck were dressed in each others’ shirts, and though they both looked deeply proud, they also both looked like they didn’t know how to dress themselves. 

In one particularly embarrassing photo, Buck appeared to be demonstrating how he could just about get his ankle behind his head, and by the time Buck looked at that photo, he’d remembered the jeans he wore were torn at the back.

               Bick: guys this is horrific

               lesbihen: I forgot that i wasn’t 21 anymore, I think my body is rebelling against me…

               queeravi: i rest easy in the knowledge that however bad i feel, i have a photo of buck that i know he’d rather die than show bobby

               chim: You’re underestimating what Bobby already knows about him, bud

               Bick: bobby’s seen worse

               Bick: i think my body is eating itself though

               Bick: which is a thing if you’re too dehydrated, btw

               lesbihen: Go back to bed, Buckley, it’s too early for a research session.

               lesbihen: With love.

Buck exited that chat to see three question marks from Eddie. And that, funnily enough, was when he recalled his dare.

50 ‘cheeky’ texts.

Fifty.

Almost two whole months. 

Two whole months worth of every day cheeky texts.

What the hell even was a cheeky text? Why had Chim said cheeky? Was that like… an innuendo? Because Buck wasn’t sending ass pictures to anyone, even his best friend. He was too old for that, and also just wasn’t that proud of his ass. 

Buck responded with a ‘haha’ and no further explanation in the hope that Eddie would simply drop it.

Surely the others would have forgotten already and it never had to be mentioned again.

Next up was a text from Tommy, who had, for whatever reason, responded to that same picture of Buck with his ankle behind his ear with just ‘was this meant for me?’. Which, really, seemed like a crazy question to be asking your boyfriend in Buck’s opinion.

It wasn’t even a whole twelve hours of peace from his team when Buck heard from them again.

It was around nine pm when Chimney texted them again.

               Chim: Buck, you done ur cheeky text yet? I will know. I have ways.

               Bick: not sure asking him is that mysterious of a way…

               Bick: i was hoping you’d forget about that…

               Lesbihen: Nope. Send proof.

Buck stared at the phone for several minutes, trying to figure out what to even say. A cheeky text. To Eddie. Another cheeky text. That he couldn’t fucking explain. Eddie would think he was crazy. Or coming onto him, maybe.

But Eddie knew that Buck was with Tommy. And he knew that he’d been out drinking the previous evening. Maybe he’d simply assume what was going on. Or maybe just assume it was a joke of some kind. A better joke than what it was, maybe.

A cheeky text. Okay. Buck could do it, he told himself, he would just need to put any pride that he had aside. 

Not that he had that much to begin with, especially not with Eddie, who had seen him at his most embarrassing and pathetic over their years of friendship. 

He took a deep breath and opened their text thread.

*

Text two

                Buckles : what are you wearing?

*

He took a screenshot and sent it back to his group. Between laughing emojis and general mocking, Buck very nearly missed the response from Eddie. Really, he wasn’t entirely sure whether he wanted to know what response he was going to get from that.

               Edders: … pajamas? 

               Edders: why, what should i be wearing?

Buck might start crying. The whole situation was so ridiculous that he might actually cry about it. He had no good excuse, but Eddie’s genuine and innocent answer actually made him feel a thousand times more ridiculous about it than he had before Eddie answered. Because that was two, and as yet, Eddie just seemed the regular amount of confused.

Buck couldn’t decide why that made him feel a rush of affection for his best friend, but it did. A little guilt too, maybe, that he was involved in a joke he knew nothing about. Although, Buck supposed one way or another, he was still the butt of the joke. It was him being ridiculous, and him who would look like a dick when Eddie inevitably found out about it.

That was something, right? That felt like something.

A few days passed without much incident. Buck went out with Tommy, he had family dinner with Athena and Bobby, he babysat Jee, and in all of that, he sent one a day, every day, at 7pm.

He was aiming for as inconspicuous as possible with them, in the hope that Eddie might not notice. And for a while, he really did seem to look right through them. Buck was a weird guy, and sometimes he did weird things.

*

Text three

               Buckles: i bet lots of girls had crushes on you in high school

               Edders: why are u talking about high school?

*

Text four 

               Buckles: what’s it like to be the prettiest person in the room?

               Edders: You get hit on more than I do?

*

Text five 

               Buckles: I’m no electrician, but I could brighten your day

               Edders: Is this a joke?

*

Text six

               Buckles: are you an appendix? bc someone should really take you out

               Edders: so i’m … irrelevant and causing someone pain?

               Buckles: you’re so annoying????

*

Text seven

               Buckles: did the sun come out, or was that just your smile?

*

The last one was the problem, because Buck had sent it during a shift. But it was seven in the evening, and Chimney had cornered him in the kitchen with a nudge to his ribs and a quick, “Send the text, Buckley.”

And, really, Buck was sure they’d forget after a few days. But it had been a whole week and Chim was still regularly reminding him. He sort of understood that the point was to get a reaction out of Eddie, but Eddie seemed… mostly unphased. Confused, maybe, but unphased. He certainly didn’t seem at all upset by it. 

“Buck, what the hell is this text?”

Buck stared blankly at his name and photo on Eddie’s phone, knowing exactly what text he was referring to but simply choosing to ignore it and play dumb.

“What do you mean?” He asked blankly, staring at Eddie like he was the one being strange.

He knew it was an objectively shitty thing to do, but it was also a harmless joke, right? It wasn’t like Eddie would care about his stupid flirty little texts.

“We’re sitting in the same firehouse as each other and you just texted me that my smile was like the sun.”

Buck blinked, rubbing the back of his neck. “Technically, that isn’t actually what I said.” Buck answered calmly, before shrugging, “What? I can’t say something nice to my best friend?”

Eddie’s brows rose. “You… no, of course you can, but why are you?” 

Buck stared back at him, wondering if it would too suspicious if he just sort of turned and ran away. Or called Chimney. Or pretended there was an alarm going off. Could he imitate the alarm convincingly with his mouth?

Surely not. 

“Because it’s true, man. You have a nice smile.” He wasn’t technically lying. Eddie had a lovely smile. It just… wasn’t why he was saying it.

Still, it was enough. 

Eddie huffed but went about his day and his jobs.

*

Text eight

               Buckles: the universe is complex, beautiful and fascinating. Do you ever get jealous that it’s copying you

               Edders: Buck, for the love of god

               Edders: are you googling these or something?

               Buckles: no hablo ingles bye

               Edders: yo hablo español????? 

               Buckles: … nein? 

*

Text nine

               Buckles: are you a triangle? because you’re acute

*

Text ten

               Buckles: is your nickname glucose? bc you’re pretty damn sweet

               Edders: okay, what the hell is this? Are you testing them on me before you use them on Tommy? Did Chris put you up to this?

               Buckles: see you at work tomorrow

*

He was glad when Eddie didn’t immediately bring it up their first shift back at work. He didn’t acknowledge Buck in any way, actually. At least not when he first entered, walking right past Buck to their shared locker and swinging it open, shouldering him out of the way and putting his own stuff down.

Buck, who had been halfway through unbuttoning his shirt, let out an oof and shoved Eddie back with his own shoulders.

“What was that for?” He grumbled.

“I’m too sweet to be mad at, don’t take that tone with me.” He challenged, his brows raising as he turned to Buck. Well, it had been nice for the twenty-five seconds of peace it lasted.

Buck had sort of thought if Eddie didn’t immediately approach him to ask what was happening, maybe that meant he was free. But no, Eddie had shoulder checked him and mentioned it instead.

Buck winced, glancing around in the hope Chim would appear and explain on his behalf.

Chim, who had been checking to make sure Buck was doing it, and passing the screenshots around the team.

They were taking bets on how long it would take Eddie to lose his mind, and Buck was pretty sure they were already hitting that point. Ten days wasn’t so bad, though, he figured. He’d at least committed, and really, they couldn’t expect more than that.

“Does it bother you that I’m sending you nice texts?” Buck asked dumbly, pretending not to know that it was strange. The two of them had gone about mostly normal situations and a mostly normal life, except for the weird lines once a day.

Eddie had clearly noticed it, but surely it wasn’t all that weird?

“It bothers me that I don’t know why you’re sending me nice texts. That are also not really that applicable?”

Buck frowned, “What do you mean, of course they’re applicable. Nothing I’ve said has not been applicable to you?” 

It was irrational to get annoyed that Eddie didn’t like the pickup lines that didn’t mean anything, but Buck still found himself glaring at his friend, arms folding over his chest, though he was sure he looked ridiculous with a half buttoned shirt.

Eddie sighed, “Buck, is this… should I be worried about this?”

Buck’s brows furrowed, shaking his head. “No… of course not, why would you be?”

Eddie nodded slowly, glancing up at Buck. “But you’re going to keep doing it?”

“Yeah, probably.”

*

Text eleven

               Buckles: are you propaganda? cause i could listen to u talk all day

               Buckles: i think this one is my favourite so far

               Edders: seems kind of ironic

               Buckles: how?

               Edders: buck… i think u speak more words in an hour than i do in three days, if anyone’s listening to anyone talk all day here, it’s me

               Buckles: well fuck, eddie, you shuold be calling me propoganda then

               Edders: is that not what i said?

*

Text twelve

               Bucklecup: here i am, what are your other two wishes?

Eddie glanced up from the dinner table, where Buck, Bobby, Chimney, Hen and Tommy were. It wasn’t common for Tommy to turn up to a work dinner, though Bobby had openly invited him when he’d dropped something off for Buck after Buck had left part of his uniform in Tommy’s car. 

Still, he was there and he was making polite conversation with Bobby, and Eddie was staring at Buck like he had grown a second head, and Buck was grinning right back at him like the cat that got the canary, because if he was totally honest, Buck was starting to understand the appeal of Chimney’s dare in the first place.

Or, he understood for himself anyway. Because Buck was fulfilling his stupid dare that his friends wanted, but he was also confusing Eddie. Eddie’s confused face was endearing, and it wasn’t a mean sort of confusing.

It wasn’t like Buck was being mean to him or anything; Eddie got to have some cute little compliments, which felt especially relevant with Christopher in Texas, and Buck got to do something silly and funny rather than making it too real and making Eddie uncomfortable.

It seemed, weirdly, like a win-win.

Chimney, who seemed to have figured out what had just happened between them, laughed and leaned sideways on his chair to peek over Eddie’s shoulder down at his phone.

“Oh my god, Buck.” Chim laughed, keeping his voice low so he didn’t disturb Bobby and Tommy’s conversation, shaking his head, “Are you always so bad at that?”

Buck rolled his eyes, leaning across the table to whisper, “You should be honoured to receive my messages.”

Chim grinned, all the mischief written into his face.

“Wait,” Eddie turned to Chim, “You know about this?”

Chim popped a cherry tomato in his mouth with a smirk, “Nope. No idea what you’re talking about. Buck’s weird. Buck does weird things.”

And it was obvious that he was lying, but no one was going to push it over the dinner table, especially not when they were having a whispered conversation beneath the far more normal one happening further up the table.

“Wanna see my favourite one?” Eddie asked, his cheeks a little flushed as he looked at Chim, probably trying to embarrass Buck as payback.

“Oh, absolutely.” Chim bounced once in his seat, looking like Christmas had come early. 

Buck thought he might steal another firetruck.

Eddie held his phone out to Chim, who laughed a little louder this time, his eyes flickering to Buck with nothing but pure mirth.

And really, the truth was that Buck wanted to know which text it was that Eddie had shown. He wanted to know why. Maybe if he knew then he could tailor his future texts to Eddie’s preferences.

Was that a weird thing to consider?

Buck felt like it made total sense to want to at least have good lines if he had to do this for another…

It hit him in a rush that he wasn’t even halfway done, and it must’ve shown on his face, because Chim’s grin brightened, evidently enjoying Buck’s suffering.

Buck resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at his brother-in-law, and only because his boyfriend was next to him and he already seemed to think Buck was a little too… immature.

Not that Buck was particularly willing to change his sense of humour one way or another.

After dinner, Tommy cornered him in the locker room, where he’d gone to get his bag on his way out.

“So,” He began easily, and Buck swallowed. “Do I get to know what you guys were all giggling about earlier?”

Buck hummed. He’d worried that that was where Tommy was going, but it was for the best that they discuss it anyway. If Tommy was uncomfortable, Buck would stop. He’d take the loss and deal with whatever hell Chim and Ravi specifically rained down on him. Hen, he doubted would do more than roll her eyes about it.  

“Oh, it’s— it’s kinda dumb.” He began, a bit nervous. He reached out, picking a bit of fluff off Tommy’s shirt and than flattening his hand over his boyfriend’s chest, “Y’know I was drunk the other night? Or… a week and a half ago? With the guys from work?”

Tommy nodded. He was waiting patiently. Nothing about his face looked annoyed or impatient or anything of the sort, so Buck reminded himself what his therapist had said about projecting his insecurity onto other people and sucked in a breath. 

“We were playing truth or dare. We were all pretty smashed, but Chim dared me to send Eddie a pickup line every day for fifty days. Or I guess— I guess his wording was a ‘cheeky text’,” Buck raised his hands to make air quotations, rolling his eyes, “But I think those are the same thing to be quite honest. Eddie doesn’t know, because that was part of the dare, but Chim’s been checking with me to make sure I’m doing it.”

Tommy snorted, shaking his head. “And you… how do you feel about that?”

Buck shrugged, letting his hand fall. “I mean, yeah. It’s a bit embarrassing, but I’m taking it as a nice opportunity to, y’know, hype my friend up. And also confuse him.”

Tommy smiled then, “Cool. So you sent it at the table?”

Buck was… a little surprised by how cool Tommy was being about it. Not that he’d ever been particularly mean or judgemental to Buck or anything, but Buck sometimes got the sense he was being a bit too juvenile or a bit too rambling for Tommy’s comfort. 

If he was, Tommy didn’t say so then.

“Yeah. This doesn’t bother you?”

Tommy shrugged easily. “Why would it? It’s a group joke, it’s not like you’re out picking up at the bar. And it’s not like Eddie is really a threat to me.”

Buck nodded his agreement, that of course Tommy had nothing to be threatened about.

Tommy brushed it off like it was nothing, instead opting to pull Buck into a kiss that had his mind going peacefully blank, forgetting to think about what the hell Tommy had meant by that for just a second.

Of course, it didn’t stay gone. Tommy went home and Buck stayed on shift and when his eyes wouldn’t stay closed at 3.30am, after a call that hadn’t been too awful, but had taken a while to sort, Buck thought more about Tommy’s words.

Eddie wasn’t really a threat to him?

What did that mean?

Of course— of course Eddie wasn’t a threat to Tommy. Tommy was his boyfriend. Eddie was his best friend.

But what did Tommy mean? Was he criticising Eddie in some way? Or Buck? Was he just talking himself up or did his thoughts reflect on them somehow?

Maybe he thought Eddie was out of Buck’s league? Or was he just referring to the fact that Eddie didn’t date men? Or…

He had no idea how long he’d laid still in his bunk, staring directly up at the ceiling, when his phone buzzed against his stomach.

He raised it, shielding the phone with his hands so it didn’t shine on anyone else and wake them when they finally had a break.

               Eddito: go to sleep, buckley, wouldn’t want to ruin ur pretty face with a lack of beauty sleep

And that, that was new. They didn’t usually say things like that to each other. But then, Buck had been sending pickup lines. And anyway, he was sure Eddie had meant his words sarcastically. Mockingly. Eddie had never needed an excuse to make fun of Buck, after all. Buck liked that about them. That they were comfortable enough for that.

               Bucklecup: you woke me up

               Eddito: no i didn’t. u were up

               Bucklecup: how would you know

               Eddito: i’m right next to u

               Bucklecup: so????

               Eddito: i can hear ur breathing, Buckleberry Finn

               Bucklecup: that was a good one. Next change, I’m using that one

               Eddito: u only just changed it to bucklecup??

               Eddito: anyway, go to sleep

               Eddito: call could come in any minute

               Eddito: was nice of tommy to come to dinner today

Buck didn’t really understand why Eddie was making that comment if he wanted Buck to go to sleep. Unless he had something he wanted to say about it. 

               Eddito: this texting thing… it doesn’t bother him?

Ah. That made sense. Eddie was worried. Eddie was being a good friend. To both him and Tommy. That was— it was nice. Certainly nothing that Buck had to worry about, then. 

               Bucklecup: nope

               Bucklecup: should it?

               Eddito: I don’t know… It’s your relationship.

Buck bit his lip at the phone. Eddie using punctuation and capital letters was always a sign that he was in his own head.

               Bucklecup: he doesn’t care

               Eddito: if you say so

               Bucklecup: why aren’t you asleep?????

               Eddito: ur loud

               Bucklecup: i am laying here in silence?????????

               Eddito: ur thoughts are loud

               Bucklecup: this is homophobia, ed

*

Text thirteen

               Bucklecup: this is my best pickup lime 

Buck had attached a picture of a lime, but because he was Buck, and he didn’t half ass things, he had actually gone to the store and purchased limes, figuring he could make cocktails and get a cheeky text out of it. He forwarded it to Chim, who responded promptly with laughing emojis and nothing else. 

               Eddito: … why do u have limes?

Buck sent back a photo of his margherita ingredients and a cocktail emoji.

               Eddito: is this a date thing or can i come?

               Bucklecup: come duh

*

Text fourteen

               Bucklecup: cheeky

The text came attached with a picture of Buck’s face, one hand holding his cheeks in a squished up position, both his eyes closed. Those were his cheeks. Technically, that was a cheeky text.

               Eddito: I dont understand u at all ?

               Bucklecup: okay bye

*

Text fifteen

               Bucklecup: I really like your moustache. it’s very girthy. really solid. 

               Eddito: girthy????????????? 

               Eddito: did you just text me at 7pm on a wednesday evening to tell me my moustache is GIRTHY???? 

               Bucklecup: honestly, i’m kinda surprised you haven’t blocked me yet, eds

*

Text sixteen

               Eddito: are u from tennessee? Because ur the only ten i see.

               Bucklecup: excuse the fuck out of me?

               Eddito: i’ve figured out the pattern, buckley, it’s every day at 7pm. 

               Eddito: so i thought i’d beat u to it

               Bucklecup: kinda concerning that it took you sixteen days to notice the timing, but sure

               Bucklecup: are you a parking ticket, because you’ve got FINE written all over you.

               Eddito: okay fine, urs was better.

*

Text seventeen

               Bucklecup: do you play quidditch? cause you’re a total keeper.

               Eddito: … am i meant to know what that is?

               Bucklecup: did you never read harry potter? has christopher never read harry potter? how has this never come up before?

               Eddito: christopher said he didn’t like the author so he hasn’t read it? gets reading lists from school and he decides what he’s interested in. he likes percy jackson better

               Bucklecup: well… christopher is right for that, actually.just exchange the word quidditch for soccer ig

               Bucklecup: i’m not even mad that you ruined that one… 

*

Text eighteen

               Tweedle Buck: can you lend me $50?

               Tweedle dee: i don’t get this one

               Tweedle Buck: you don’t have to, it counts. as you were.

*

Text nineteen

               Tweedle Buck: cheeky part 2

Buck attached a picture of Jee, her cheeks squeezed up and a little grin on her face, sitting in his lap. It also quickly became his phone wallpaper, which was an added joy he hadn’t expected from the day. 

               Tweedle dee: well this is very cute, no complaints, 10/10

*

Text twenty

               Tweedle Buck: are you a flower? Because i wanna beeeee with you forever.

Eddie just sent back an eye rolling emoji to that one, and nothing else. Buck thought that was probably justified. He was aware that it was ridiculous, obviously, all of this. But he was honestly starting to enjoy it. Not only thinking of cute things to send to Eddie every day, but also the fact that Eddie always responded. Eddie had never been much for technology, and he didn’t always respond, either quickly or at all. It was one of the reasons they hung around so much together in person, because Eddie was much better at communicating face to face than he was via messages.

Despite that, he always responded to Buck’s cheeky text messages, and at a certain point, it was easy to forget that he was doing it for a dare, because he was just… having fun. 

He and Eddie rarely ever discussed the texts in person, and if they did, it became just for Eddie to tell Buck that he’d enjoyed one of them particularly, or to ask how long it was going to go on for, though his annoyance was never particularly believable, considering Buck was there to see Eddie read them often at work, and he saw the hidden smiles and the rosy cheeks.

Things hadn’t been easy for Eddie lately, not with Christopher and his parents and all the other things he had going on. 

The Kim of it all was something they hadn’t really discussed since, but Buck tried to go extra sweet with his pickup lines on the days when Eddie went to see his therapist, which if Eddie noticed, he never commented on. 

Chim asked less regularly for his proof, but occasionally he did, and Buck would show the previous however many texts. He seemed usually to approve, but some of the humour had worn off now. 

He’d show Ravi and Hen, and they’d laugh, or just shake their heads in amusement, and that was that.

All in all, Buck was fairly certain he only had to keep it going for another few days or so and they would all forget all about it.

*

               Casper: unfortunately i do need to know what’s going on with the texts to dad

               Frankenstein: Christopher, how do you even know about that?

               Casper: when dad fts me, if i dont talk he just yaps 

               Casper: hes worried ill hang up

               Casper: sometimes he yaps abt u  

               Frankenstein: why are you committing psychological warfare on your father?

               Casper: he started it

               Casper: tell me abt the weird texts

               Frankenstein: it was a dare. don’t tell him.

               Casper: lmao

               Casper: will u use one for me?

               Frankenstein: … depends, is it mean?

               Casper: nah, but hell be all weird abt it

               Casper: are u a tsunami, bc im drowning in ur eyes

               Frankenstein: … that IS mean

               Casper: u gnna do it or not?

               Frankenstein: … fine. but call him twice this week.

               Casper: k

*

Text twenty-one

               Tweedle Buck: are you a tsunami? Because i’m drowning in your eyes

               Tweedle dee: ?????? really ???????

               Tweedle Buck: remember when you told me to keep him inland this time??

* 

Text twenty-two

               Tweedle Buck: are you an earthquake? cause you rock my world

               Tweedle dee: … more natural disasters? Did i piss u off or something??

               Tweedle Buck: love u 

*

Text twenty-three

               Tweedle Buck: are you a beenado? because you could stop traffic

               Tweedle Buck: or because you’ve got my head spinning

               Tweedle Buck: or because if you disappeared from my life i’d be both confused and kinda disappointed…

               Tweedle Buck: idk this one needs refinement

               Tweedle dee: i really don’t even know where to start with this one buck

               Tweedle dee: Only confused and kinda disappointed? u haven’t shut up about the bees just flying away for AGES. clearly ur more than confused and kinda disappointed.

               Text twenty-four 

               Tweedle Buck: are you a pleasant savoury taste? 

               Tweedle Buck: bc uuuumami

               Tweedle dee: … jesus

*

Text twenty-five 

               Tweedle Buck: are you the moon?

               Tweedle Buck: bc bark bark bark bark

               Tweedle dee: evan buckley.

               Tweedle dee: what the fuck???

Eddie was sitting a few seats away from Buck when he sent that one, watching tv on the couch while Hen and Chim bickered over a game they were playing on their phones. 

He looked up to see Eddie staring at him, his face every bit an accurate representation of the text message he’d last sent. He looked genuinely confused, and Buck felt that in his chest like a flutter of wings. It was hard not to be happy and proud about it, because he knew it was making Eddie feel good— he could see it from the blush in his cheeks and the little smile he couldn’t quite keep out of his brown eyes. 

Buck didn’t mean to let out a little laugh, but he did, and then Eddie was laughing, and despite sitting on opposite ends of the room, Buck felt really connected to Eddie in a way that was… nice. 

Eddie hadn’t necessarily been open with him since Christopher had left. He’d been going off on his own a lot, laughing everything off like nothing bad had ever happened. Buck knew he was pretending to be fine when he wasn’t, but he couldn’t really do anything about that. He couldn’t really force him to talk or force him to admit to Eddie that things were hard or that he needed support.

But his stupid little texts actually did seem to be helping, and he was honestly glad that Chimney had given him the fucking dare, because as ridiculous as it felt, it also felt like a weirdly easy way to improve the way his friend was feeling.

And now that they were both laughing, and it was a little less subtle, because both Chimney and Hen had looked up and between them. 

“Are they telepathic now? They didn’t even talk, why are they both laughing?” Hen grumbled to Chim, who just shook his head.

Both phones had been discarded in their respective laps, leaving the two of them looking like… well, like they were just a little too in-sync. Not that anyone would be all that surprised by that. 

“Maybe they’ve just finally lost it?”

“Or they’re getting scarily good at very subtle charades?”

Buck snorted, shaking his head. “It’s nothing.”

Eddie was still smiling, a little wider if anything, and he was looking at Buck with an open and bright expression that made Buck feel significantly better. He had been so worried about Eddie, and seeing him looking happy was more than he could’ve asked for.

“What did it say?” Chimney asked, checking his watch like he, too, had noted that Buck always did these things at a particular time of day. 

Buck didn’t pretend not to be predictable with these things.

“Eddie, don’t.” Buck mumbled, suddenly very aware of his own face and how hot it felt. 

It was one thing to embarrass himself for Eddie’s amusement, but… everyone else’s… 

“Eddie.” Hen echoed, but she was looking at him imploringly, holding out a hand for his phone.

Eddie glanced at Buck, then back at Hen, then back to Buck. 

“Sorry.” He told Buck with a grin before handing his phone over.

Buck dropped his head back against the couch, knowing full well that he was never going to live this down. He heard Chim and Hen begin to outright cackle, and Eddie was laughing too, and Buck wanted to be so much angrier than he was. But it was fucking hard to be angry when they were all laughing and happy and even if it was embarrassing as hell, he had made them all laugh like that.

“Bark bark?” Hen read breathlessly, her head shaking. All three of them were looking at Buck, all three of them were laughing, and Buck had no good response. 

“That wasn’t supposed to be seen by everybody.” Buck grumbled, with no real feeling behind it.

He couldn’t even pretend he was actually annoyed about it.

“I have to say, Buckaroo, I’m not really sure how you’ve managed to pull quite so many hot people in your life.” Hen told him with a bright grin on her face, laughter still shaking her shoulders.

Buck heaved a sigh, “I’m not really sure either.”

“Oh, how far firehose has fallen.” Chim answered, and Buck sort of just accepted defeat. He groaned again, shaking his head. “It’s okay, we all know it was never his natural charm doing the picking up.”

Chim made fun of Buck. It was what he did. It was what they did to each other. They were brothers-in-law. And even before that they’d been teasing each other.

Still, it hit something uncomfortable in Buck to hear that, because he knew it was the truth. It never really was his personality people wanted, it was… the physical side of things. Buck had been pretending for a long time to be far more okay with that than he was.

Still, now truly wasn’t the moment to let it get to him, so he brushed it off with a sarcastic laugh. 

“I don’t know about that,” Eddie interrupted, still laughing, but taking his phone back and tucking it into his pocket with a gentleness that almost made it seem like it was keeping something precious safe there. “Having been on the receiving end of that charm for the past few weeks, I have to say, there’s something charming about the sheer stupidity of his flirting style.”

It was enough to set everybody off laughing again, Buck included, and even though Eddie was making fun of him too, Buck knew it ran deeper than that. He knew he was being defended.

*

Text twenty-six

               Cowbuck: your hand looks heavy, can i hold it for you?

               Eddie Mercury: this one was less original than yesterday. Disappointing. 5/10.

               Cowbuck: wow. tough crowd. i take it back, hold your own hand.

*

Text twenty-seven

               Cowbuck: those are some nice arms, wonder how they’d feel around me

               Eddie Mercury: still not as fun as the barking one, but i’ll take it i guess

               Cowbuck: you’re baiting me, but you’re gonna get uncomfy if i go too wild with this

               Eddie Mercury: says who?

*

Text twenty-eight

               Cowbuck: call me mr flinstone, cause i could make your bed rock

               Eddie Mercury: … 6/10

*

Text twenty-nine

               Cowbuck: do you have a bandaid? I scraped my knees falling for you

               Eddie Mercury: eh

               Cowbuck: i think you’re getting a big head from all of these, because who are you to turn down my wonderful pickup lines? huh?

*

Text thirty

               Cowbuck: word of the day is legs. i think you should spread the word.

               Eddie Mercury: Jesus Christ?

               Cowbuck: ah but see, you didn’t complain that that one was boring now did you?

*

Text thirty-one

               Cowbuck: you know, as a firefighter, i like to find em hot and leave em wet

               Eddie Mercury: these are getting WAY more sexual u do know that right?

               Cowbuck: you’re the one who said it wouldn’t freak you out

               Eddie Mercury: i didn’t say i was freaked out

               Eddie Mercury: i just noted u were getting bolder

               Cowbuck: you know you can tell me to stop at any time and i will

               Eddie Mercury: i know

               Cowbuck: and?

               Eddie Mercury: that’s the end of the sentence.

* 

Text thirty-two

               Cowbuck: staring at my ceiling is so boring, i wish you were above me instead

               Eddie Mercury: okay, i kinda liked that one

“Evan?” Buck glanced up when he heard his own name, his definitely not preferred name, but still.

He heard Tommy talking to him and he glanced up, momentarily distracted from the reply he had been about to type about the pickup lines. It was true that he was starting to run out of funny things to say, but he also figured he could almost certainly keep coming up with things if he really tried. He had been being careful at first too, and now that he wasn’t, there were more options. 

He and Tommy had been… well, it had been incredibly boring. 

He didn’t really know how it happened, but they’d settled into a routine of barely seeing each other, texting dryly once every few days to arrange a meeting, and then sitting together in mostly silence while they ate or saw a movie or had sex. 

Buck wasn’t the type to give up on things, certainly not easily, but he also wasn’t the type to ignore the obvious. And the obvious, at that point, was that there were issues in the relationship, if nothing else.

But Buck figured it had been made worse by the boils he’d sported for a while, not to mention the relative difficulty of their schedules being made worse by Buck spending some time in and out of doctor’s offices getting it all sorted out again. 

So he figured there was room to fix it.

He figured that they’d have dinner together, and they’d talk, and things would be made easier, because a little bit of disconnection was normal, wasn’t it?

It was a normal thing that happened in relationships and then you worked on it and you made it better and Buck had every intention of doing that.

“What are you doing?”

“Sorry, I was texting Eddie. You know, the… cheeky text thing.”

Tommy’s brows lifted, and he took a deep, frustrated sigh. “You’re still doing that?”

“What do you mean?”

He shook his head slowly, “Buck, I really, really thought that was one of those things you’d do for a few days and then stop. I didn’t think that you were going to spend fifty days actually doing it.”

Buck just blinked at him, genuinely a little confused. “I asked you about it at the time.  I wouldn’t have done it at all if you hadn’t been okay with it. I did… tell you that. Didn’t I? You said you didn’t have a problem with it.”

“I guess I didn’t really think about it.” Tommy admitted, folding his arms across his chest. Buck had found that distracting at one point in time, but things had changed. Maybe they’d gotten too distant. Maybe he’d just gotten used to being around Tommy. To being allowed to look at his arms or touch them if he wanted to. Not that Tommy was a particularly tactile person anyway. “Can I read the texts?”

Buck looked down at his phone and then back up again. “I mean, I can show you what I’ve sent him, yeah.”

Tommy’s brows pinched, and he sucked in a breath like he was preparing for a fight. They hadn’t really fought yet, mostly when they got annoyed with each other, they just… went home. Buck wasn’t sure if that was positive or negative. He supposed it was better than fighting with Taylor.

Or maybe not.

“Why can’t I see the chat?”

Buck blinked at him. “Because they’re not all my messages, Tommy. You can read mine, but it’s not my place to give you his.”

Tommy glared at him, and Buck was very aware of the line he was drawing in the sand by saying no. He was aware that he was standing firmly on Eddie’s side of that line. The thing was, he really did understand Tommy’s desire to see the messages. Even if he’d warned Tommy — and he had — he realised it was a lot when it was your partner and you weren’t privy to it.

But Buck had no right to share Eddie’s messages, and Tommy had no right to ask him to. Buck’s messages were one thing, they were his right to share. Eddie was a private person, and even if their texts were mostly joking around, they were Eddie’s jokes to share with whoever he chose. 

“If there’s nothing inappropriate, why does it matter?”

“Because they aren’t mine to share, Tommy.” He paused, “I don’t really understand. I told you about this ages ago and you said you didn’t care. You said it didn’t bother you.”

Tommy sighed, “Yeah, I know I did. And I thought I meant it. But I mean, you have to see it, Evan. The way he’s… part of our relationship all the time. We’re never alone together. I think the last time we were was… when you hurt your shoulder. And even then…”

Buck was shaking his head, because yeah, he could see what Tommy was saying. He could have understood it if Tommy had ever voiced any of this to him before. But it had come so resolutely out of nowhere. 

Buck had asked Tommy if those texts bothered him. He’d asked if it was okay for him to call Eddie the morning he’d woken up with those boils. Hell, Tommy was the one who had outright said he didn’t see Eddie as a threat to him.

“I’m just confused.” Buck admitted, leaning closer to Tommy, trying to reach out, to keep the peace. “I… didn’t think this stuff bothered you.”

“What was the last message you sent?”

Buck sighed. He knew how it sounded. He did. 

“Okay, so you know the dare was fifty days of pickup lines, right?”

Tommy’s mouth was pressed into a hard line, and he nodded once.

“The last one I sent was…” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Staring at my ceiling is boring, I wish you were above me instead.”

Tommy didn’t outwardly react. He nodded again, as if he was considering that.

“I asked Eddie this once, and he gave me one answer, but…” He took a deep breath, preparing himself, “Has anything romantic ever happened between you two? Or… sexual, I guess?”

Buck was a little startled. He could understand the urge to ask the question, but he was also still confused by it.

There wasn’t anything romantic between him and Eddie and there never had been. Buck happened to be bisexual and Eddie happened to be his best friend, and they’d never stepped even a toe beyond that.

Their bond was unusually tight, Buck could give Tommy that, but it was still just a friendship. 

“Eddie— Eddie’s straight.” Buck argued, positive that his face was flushed, a little embarrassed to be asked the question at all. “And even if he wasn’t, it isn’t like that. I didn’t even know I liked guys before you, you know that.”

Tommy seemed a little calmer with that answer, and Buck took the moment to lean closer to him, resting a hand on his bicep.

“I know the dare thing is a lot, I do. But you know that things have been… weird lately, for our whole team, and it seems to make people laugh, so…”

“I don’t care about the team, Evan. No offence. I’m not in a relationship with the team. I’m with you. And honestly, this relationship is… a lot.”

Buck blinked, a little taken aback. 

A lot? What did that mean, a lot? Buck had been a lot all his life. A lot was just another way of saying overwhelming. Another way of saying too much. 

He opened his mouth to speak when the loft door clicked open and Eddie came into view, wearing sweats and a white t-shirt, holding a bag in one arm and his key to Buck’s house in the other.

It wasn’t the first time Eddie had let himself in. Hell, it wasn’t even the twentieth. 

It was, however, objectively terrible timing. Especially since Eddie didn’t know Tommy was over. Eddie was clearly comfortable enough with Buck to turn up, not knowing if he had plans, and just let himself in. It was never usually a problem.

“You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and—” He looked up then, dark eyes locking on Tommy as the words seemed to be stolen right out of his lungs. He went still, standing in the doorway frozen and awkward. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you—”

Tommy, ever restrained, ever calm, rolled his eyes. 

Buck had seen him do that at him, but he’d never seen Tommy do that at Eddie before. Tommy and Eddie were close, good friends, and Buck figured that even if Tommy had been mad at him, he wasn’t mad at Eddie about any of it. 

“Of course you’re here right now.” Tommy’s words were biting and sarcastic, shaking his head and letting out a humourless chuckle. “Of course. That’s just fuckin’ poetic, isn’t it?”

Eddie recoiled like he’d been slapped, obviously surprised. They were close friends. Good friends and Buck had the sense that he was the one standing in the way of whatever was going on in the suspended and uncomfortable silence. 

“I…” Eddie cleared his throat roughly, “This is clearly a bad time, I—”

“No, you may as well stay.” Tommy paused, taking another sip of his wine. “You’re basically the third member of this relationship anyway.”

“Tommy.” Buck hissed, knowing Eddie had enough going on without hearing their garbage on top of it.

“I— I should really—” Eddie gestured back at the door listlessly, and Tommy turned back to Buck.

Tommy ignored him. “We are never alone together and even when we are: Eddie. Always Eddie. Shows up unannounced at your door— and with a key, apparently.” 

Buck flinched, glancing at Eddie, who was looking at him with pure panic on his face. Buck definitely understood the feeling. The two of them barely ever spoke seriously about their own feelings, let alone being caught up in each others’ relationship drama.

When he looked back to Tommy, he was a little red in the face and Buck didn’t mean to say it, but: “I think this might be the first time I’ve ever really seen you show emotions.”

It came out more blunt than he meant, but he did mean it. Tommy was always so… measured. In an odd way, it was comforting to see him look thrown off by something. 

“Is something funny, Diaz?”

Tommy was looking right at Eddie, who, yeah, was actually smiling a little. Buck thought it might be a defence mechanism of some kind; Eddie hadn’t signed up for any of this bullshit.

“No, just… I shouldn’t be here for this. I’m not part of this.”

“You are though,” Tommy answered, rolling his eyes, “You’re part of everything. At first I thought, y’know, Eddie’s going through some shit, Eddie fucked his life up, Evan’s such a good friend, looking after him like he is. And I like you, Eddie, I do. So I thought hey, it’s not so bad that my boyfriend and I share a close friend. It’s not so bad that he’s always around somehow. But Evan’s in hospital and where’s Eddie? At his bedside. And do you leave when his actual partner shows up? No, of course not. But it’s fine, because you’re just being a good friend. Just like he’s always just being a good friend. And I know I said that Eddie was no threat to me, to us, but… But you have a key to each others’ houses, you stay out all night getting blackout drunk together, Evan has pictures of Christopher all over his fridge like he isn’t just friends with the kid’s dad! You’re not even his actual uncle! I mean, shit, do you guys even realise how fucking weird all of this is?”

A beat of silence passed. Then another.

“Buck isn’t just his dad’s friend.”

Eddie didn’t look much of anything. He didn’t look angry or sad or confused or embarrassed. He answered completely matter-of-factly, like Tommy had asked him for the time and not gone on a monologue about the perceived weirdness of their close friendship. As if Tommy hadn’t taken shots at both of them. As if he hadn’t said some mean things about Eddie. 

Tommy stared at him, looking at Eddie like he’d grown a second head.

“You know, don’t you?” He asked, flatly.

Eddie didn’t answer, but his expression didn’t shift either. He stared right back at Tommy, expression shut up so tight that even Buck couldn’t read what was happening on his face. He was perfectly fucking neutral, and Buck hated it.

“I think you should leave.” Buck interrupted.

“Me or him?” Tommy demanded, blue eyes staring into Buck’s. 

“You.” Eddie answered for Buck, taking a step further into the room. 

And then, just like that, they both looked at Buck. They were both waiting for Buck to… to what? Pick them? Kick the other out?

Buck took a deep breath. “Eddie, I think we should continue this conversation in private. If you wouldn’t mind…”

Buck thought he saw a flicker of surprise on Eddie’s face, but it was replaced just as quickly. 

If he was hurt by the statement, he didn’t show it. Instead, he reached out to squeeze Buck’s shoulder, nodding. “Text me if you need me.”

Buck nodded once, sending him back a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’ll text you in a bit.”

Then Eddie was gone, and Tommy was looking at Buck expectantly, and Buck sighed.

“What you just did was so incredibly not okay.” Buck told Tommy quietly.

“Evan, you realise that I’m not wrong though, right? You realise that having a best friend who relies on you for everything isn’t normal. I know you care about him and about his kid and he’s lucky to have you, but at what point does your life exist outside of the Diazes?”

Buck took a sharp breath, shaking his head. “I realise that our friendship is unsettling for some people. And if you’d communicated that to me, that might have been one thing. But going off at him, mentioning Christopher like that, that wasn’t okay. You were there for his birthday, you know how—”

“I know that Eddie fucked up and his kid left. Eddie didn’t have to let him leave, he’s the kid’s father. He made that choice, and I feel sorry for him, I do, and I like that you’re such a good and present friend. But at what point are you just playing out some martyr complex with him? At what point is it just unhealthy?” 

Buck and Tommy stared at each other, and Buck tried to figure out what he was supposed to say. He felt a bit stunned by the depth of Tommy’s mischaracterisation of them, and their relationship. 

“You know that this is over, right?”

Tommy sighed, leaning towards him. “I figured. But it doesn’t have to be, Evan. You and me, we could work on this. We could have something good. It’s just that we never get a chance to develop us. To figure out who we are outside of… him.”

Buck thought that maybe that was true. He thought that maybe in another circumstance, something could’ve happened with him and Tommy. Then again, maybe not. Maybe they’d have gotten bored with each other, or just been deeply incompatible. Maybe he would’ve gotten sick of listening to Buck ramble. Maybe Buck would’ve gotten sick of being casually condescended. 

The truth was, he’d never know what they might be without Eddie, because there was no universe in which he ever gave Eddie up for anyone else. Maybe it would’ve been different if Eddie wasn’t already his person, but he was. Eddie was his family, and so was Christopher, and maybe he was trying to fill a part in his life that was already taken. Maybe there simply wasn’t room.

Maybe he’d have to be okay with not having romance if it meant having his Diaz boys, and maybe that was a sacrifice Buck was willing to make.

Or maybe he could find someone who would understand, who could be okay with Buck’s best friendship. 

Clearly, that wasn’t Tommy.

“No. I think you should go.”

Tommy sighed deeply, “Right. I see.” He paused, going to pick up his jacket. “You know he’s in love with you, right?” Tommy asked, looking at Buck like he was planning his own funeral march. It was a last ditch effort, maybe, to get some reaction out of Buck he just didn’t have to give. 

Buck sighed, “I thought you said he wasn’t a threat to you?”

Tommy shrugged, “I lied.” He stopped by Buck, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Bye, Evan.”

               Cowbuck: he’s gone 

               Eddie Mercury: coming back up now

Buck didn’t even have to ask. He knew Eddie had gone to sit in his car. He knew Eddie knew him well enough to know what he was going to do. Buck hadn’t said he wanted Eddie to leave so he could dump Tommy, but Eddie had understood. 

Eddie always understood.

The door reopened a minute later with Eddie entering the room.

“I’m sorry,” He said, as soon as he entered, and Buck shrugged. 

“It’s not necessary, Eddie. We were already fighting before you came.”

“About me.”

Buck hummed, “I know you’re probably blaming yourself, but I’m glad it’s over.” 

Eddie shrugged, “I’d blame myself a lot more if he wasn’t such a dick before.” He paused, “Y’know, I’m actually more annoyed that I didn’t see this coming. I actually liked the guy.”

It was hard not to smile a little at that. He wasn’t entirely sure that Eddie wasn’t pretending to be more okay with this than he was— but then, he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t going to feel shit about it afterwards either. It was easier with Eddie there though. It was easier to be sure it was the right decision.

Still, Eddie’s surefire response made Buck feel a little calmer, like maybe it really was the right decision.

“Well, anyone who doesn’t get our relationship just isn’t really my person.” He said with a slow shrug of his shoulders. “You and Christopher aren’t negotiable.”

“You wanna watch a movie?” Eddie asked, brushing by the seriousness of the moment. They weren’t great at talking about serious topics, that was part of why they were in the situations that they were in. Eddie was bad at verbalising, and Buck was bad at being honest about his own needs.

Together, avoidance happened a little too easily. 

“Sure.”

*

Text thirty-three

               Cowbuck: lets flip a coin, heads i’m yours, tails you’re mine 

Eddie sent back a picture of a coin, heads side up. Buck just laughed and hearted the message.

*

Text thirty-four

               Cowbuck: I’m like an oven, because I’m hot, can make you dinner and am good at taking things inside me

               Eddie Mercury: ???? jesus christ, buck, where are u finding these

               Cowbuck: … i made that one up, shut up

*

Text thirty-five

               Cowbuck: ever had your license suspended for driving all these girls so crazy?

               Eddie Mercury: oh this one is my least favourite

               Cowbuck: rude

*

Text thirty-six

               Cowbuck: don’t worry, i played a lot of tetris as a kid, i can make it fit

               Eddie Mercury: evan buckley!

*

Text thirty-seven

               Cowbuck: i’ve been reading about important dates in history, wanna be one?

               Eddie Mercury: How are you feeling about the Tommy stuff?

               Cowbuck: ew, we’re at work. i already told you, everything’s fine. I’m cool w it. get that grammar out of here

               Eddie Mercury: What?

               Cowbuck: you only use proper punctuation and capital letters and stuff when you’re being all serious and thinky

               Eddie Mercury: I’m not being thinky?

               Cowbuck: you’re literally still doing it

               Eddie Mercury: k ill txt liek chris

               Cowbuck: god you’re old

               Eddie Mercury: we’re the same age!

“Stop texting each other in the same room, you make me sick.” Ravi’s voice interrupted Buck’s thoughts, and he glanced up to see Ravi watching him with raised brows and a judgemental stare.

Buck scoffed, “You don’t know that we’re texting each other.”

Ravi’s brows, if possible, raised even higher on his forehead. “You’re both smiling at your phones at the same time. One of you only ever sits on your phone if you’re on a spiral, in which case, we’d all know all about it, and one of you is chronically allergic to technology. If you’re on your phone at the same time and you both seem happy about it, you’re texting each other. Probably flirting.”

Buck scoffed, “We’re not flirting. I’m fulfilling a dare.” 

It was at that point that Ravi looked around, seemingly for nothing, before tipping his head back and yelling out, “Chimney!”

It only took a few seconds for Chim to come running up the stairs towards where the three of them had been sitting together in silence until a few minutes before. 

“What?” He asked, taking in the scene in front of him, looking like he’d expected much more of an emergency.

“Did you know that Buck was still doing the dare thing?”

Chim turned to Buck, brows lifting in confusion. “Wait, really? It has to have been fifty days already, surely? I thought you’d give up after like twenty-five. Surely Tommy can’t be thrilled about you hitting on Eddie for fifty days?”

Buck’s jaw dropped, staring up at Chim with nothing short of betrayal on his face. “Howard Han, you shit, you’re the one who dared me to do it, you can’t go making it out like I did something wrong by fulfilling your dare.”

“Well, I mean, yeah, I wanted you to do it, but I was also super drunk, didn’t realise how long fifty days really was, and also— y’know, I don’t really like your boyfriend.” He said with a little playful wince, as if he was feeling guilty for the admission, though it was clear from his face that he really wasn’t. It also wasn’t exactly news to Buck. While he’d never actively spoken to Buck about it, Buck had noticed that he tended to avoid talking to Tommy most of the time.

And really, he was fine with that, partly because it wasn’t his place to force anyone to feel any particular way about his partner and partly because… well, it sounded terrible, but he wasn’t all that upset about it because he wasn’t all that invested.

He just hadn’t realised it until after it was already over.

“Well, yeah, you gave me a dare, I’m finishing the fucking dare.”

“You didn’t answer about how Tommy felt.” Ravi pointed out, still staring at Buck. Buck’s eyes darted to Eddie, desperately hoping that he was going to… what? Say something? Save him? Telepathically give him an answer he could say?

Buck, not wanting to admit that he and Tommy had broken up, because then he’d have to answer questions, and then that would lead to more questions, and then he’d have to admit what Tommy had said about the two of them, got to his feet and left the break area, walking off with a grumble about how he was going to go work out.

*

Text thirty-eight

               Cowbuck: i’d give you my last bowl of cereal

               Eddie Mercury: okay well this one is just nice??

*

Text thirty-nine

               Cowbuck: nice legs, what time do they open?

               Eddie Mercury: these last two have given me whiplash

“Who are you texting?”

Buck caught Maddie’s eye when he glanced up, giving her a sheepish little smile. It was a little embarrassing to be caught out that way, even if it was a dare. But every time someone asked, Buck had to go into the whole thing again, and frankly the whole thing was…

A little overwhelming? 

Because every single time Buck sent a text, he could picture Tommy in his mind, standing in front of him, blue eyes locked on Buck with something like resignation. 

You know he’s in love with you, right? 

No, Buck didn’t know that, because it wasn’t true. Obviously it wasn’t true. Eddie, a very straight, very traditionally masculine, very much into women sort of guy, was not into him. Buck had been spiraling about it for days, and he’d gotten no closer to resolving the issue in his mind. 

In theory, he should be able to just say that it wasn’t true and that would be the end of that, but he kept thinking about it. Because he kept thinking about the messages he’d been sending Eddie, and the words that Tommy had said, and the way that Eddie had stepped towards Buck and told Tommy to leave. 

He kept thinking about the way Eddie wouldn’t speak to Buck about how much he missed Christopher, but he did keep on turning up.

But most of all, he kept thinking about what Eddie had said when he walked into the apartment.

You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and—

Buck hadn’t ever asked what he meant and now it had been too long. Eddie likely wouldn’t remember what he was going to say. And logically, he imagined he had said something about a movie or a tv show or a book and Eddie had wanted to talk to him about it. Logically, he assumed that Tommy was trying to mess with his head before leaving, that it was some kind of revenge he was getting. Or maybe that he was just seeing things wrong because of his own jealousy.

Logically, Buck thought a lot of things.

But somewhere in the back of his mind, Buck wondered if Eddie had been talking about the text he’d sent. 

Staring at my ceiling is so boring, I wish you were above me instead. 

Eddie had said he’d liked that one. Then he’d turned up not long after, letting himself in and saying he had been thinking about what Buck had said.

It was totally irrational, and he knew that. Eddie didn’t feel that way about him, because Eddie didn’t feel that way about men. He was tolerating Buck’s silly little pickup lines because he’d worked out that it was a dare a long time ago, and because he thought it was funny. No one put up with Buck’s antics more than Eddie did. That was all that it was.

The problem was, Buck found himself wondering if what Tommy had been seeing wasn’t really Eddie’s feelings, but his own.

Buck genuinely didn’t think he had feelings for Eddie. He knew Eddie was hot, because that was just obvious to everyone with a working brain, but Eddie was also his best friend, and Buck couldn’t be in love with his best friend, and so he wasn’t. That was what he told himself. He wasn’t in love with Eddie because he couldn’t be in love with Eddie. That was a risk he simply wasn’t willing to take, and he wasn’t going to take it.

“Eddie.” He answered awkwardly, putting his phone away.

Chimney snorted, shaking his head. “You’re really going to see this dare through, huh?” He asked, and Maddie frowned.

“What dare?”

And really, the fact that Maddie didn’t know was kind of remarkable, considering how long it had been going on and the fact that everyone else knew. If anything, Buck had assumed Chim would tell her. But then…

“Y’know, the Eddie texting thing, I told you about it.”

Maddie opened her mouth again in a silent ‘oh’. “Right. That. That’s… still going?”

Buck sighed, preparing himself for the come-down of it. He knew that almost certainly Maddie and Chim were about to start teasing him about it all again, to say that he was doing something crazy, or that he clearly meant it differently, but neither of them did. 

Neither of them said anything, Buck nodded, and then they both returned to what they were doing. Chimney was sorting and folding laundry, Maddie and Buck were cooking together. 

No one was making fun of him.

Buck looked around, a bit suspicious, but found nothing. 

“Really?” He asked, because for some reason, he simply couldn’t leave it alone.

Maddie glanced at him. “What?”

Buck sighed, “I don’t know. I guess I was waiting for you two to start… giving me shit. And you didn’t, and it weirded me out.”

In a sudden rush of movement, Jee came running from another room with a cowboy hat and a set of wings. “Daddy, come.” She insisted, grabbing his hand and running off, leaving Buck with his sister and a whole lot of paranoia that had just sort of all fallen out at once.

“Evan…” She said softly, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t tell Howie I told you this, but we were sort of hoping the outcome of this might be… y’know, a little different.”

He blinked, confused. “What… do you mean by a little different?”

“I suppose we were hoping that maybe it would… I don’t know. Lead to something different.”

Buck couldn’t stop staring at her, because he was pretty sure that she was saying what he thought, but really, what was he supposed to say? That it had only half had that effect, because Buck was having a crisis over how he felt about Eddie, but Eddie was still just going along being straight and repressed about his emotions? That Eddie might love Buck as much as Buck loved Eddie (honestly, doubtful), but it certainly wasn’t in the romantic way they were obviously hoping for.

That maybe what everyone was seeing and assuming was mutual feelings was just… Buck, being too much as he always was. Relationships with Buck were, in Tommy’s words, A Lot, and Buck was used to being A Lot, but he didn’t want that to reflect on Eddie.

He had enough going on for him without being bound to Buck and all of his unexpected and uncontrollable feelings.

Because Buck’s feelings always had been sort of like a hurricane. Overwhelming and destructive and all-consuming and inconvenient. 

Buck had never intended for Eddie to get caught up in any of that, and now that he knew what he knew, he was determined to keep the lid shut tight on those feelings. 

Because, yeah, it made sense. It made sense that he had been so willing to embarrass himself to make Eddie smile. It made sense that he hadn’t cared about his relationship ending after Tommy had spoken badly of Eddie. It made sense that Buck’s top priority in the world had been the Diazes for a long time, and he had no intention of that ever changing.

He liked the idea of a life and a family and a white picket fence, but he knew that, at the end of the day, any partner he might have would fall by the wayside any time Eddie or Christopher so much as called his name. 

The 118 family were all people that he would do anything for, but short of perhaps Jee and Maddie, there wasn’t really anyone else even close to Eddie or Christopher. They were his family. They were important to him. He felt like, in a weird way, he was protecting them from himself.

But how the hell could he explain any of that to Maddie? She wouldn’t understand— she would tell him not to worry. He couldn’t simply not worry, was the problem. And as such, he couldn’t just tell her how he was feeling, because she’d never understand. 

“It isn’t like that between us, Maddie.” He said quickly, turning his back on her to continue cutting up the carrots he’d been preparing. 

She sighed, “Look, Howie was drunk when he came up with it. He wasn’t trying to be… difficult or anything. He really does think that you and Eddie would be… good together. And y’know, it does seem like you’re having fun with the dare. I mean, you’re still doing it, right?”

“I’m not mad at Chim,” Buck said quickly, glancing back at her over his shoulder. “I’m not. I just… it’s complicated, Mads.”

“How?”

He frowned. He wanted to spill his guts to her, just as he always had his entire life. Since he was a kid, Maddie asked how he was feeling, and Buck spilled the contents of his heart into her, trusting her to keep them safe. But he had long since realised that that never had gone both ways, and he had developed a bit of a complex about sharing so much of himself with people who didn’t share the same with him. He wasn’t proud that he’d become more secretive, but in this specific case, he figured it was… safer. For him and for Eddie, who deserved better than Buck’s messy feelings at him. 

“Me and Eddie aren’t like that. We’re friends who can joke with each other about this stuff, so it all works out okay, but that’s— that’s all.” 

God, he really did wish that wasn’t all.

“Maybe we’re all just… seeing things then.” She said softly, and Buck got the sense she was trying to tell him everyone thought the same as her. He brushed that thought off, because he couldn’t allow himself to believe it, not when it would break his heart. “But you know you can talk to me about things, Evan.”

And he would. He would. Just not yet. Not before he figured out how to exist with all the new and horrifying feelings inside of him. 

*

Text forty

               Cowbuck: is that a keg in your pants? cause i wanna tap that ass

               Eddie Mercury: i bet uve really used that one too

               Cowbuck: of course not

               Cowbuck: i don’t use canned lines like that

               Eddie Mercury: oh? so what would u say?

               Cowbuck: depends. on the person, the place, the mood, what i was trying to gain…

               Mercury: ok

               Eddie Mercury: u met me on a call and ur trying to pick me up

               Eddie Mercury: go

               Cowbuck: i’d tell you i really liked your cow eyes, and that your vibe is less immediately troublesome now that i know im bisexual (rip to my past self) and i’d ask if you’d by any chance be                interested in seeing each other again

               Eddie Mercury: u like my cow eyes?

               Eddie Mercury: what are cow eyes? or is that a line?

               Cowbuck: no, it’s not a line. you’ve got very big brown eyes. like a cow.

               Eddie Mercury: wait wait wait

               Eddie Mercury: did u just say u hated me bc you were bi??

               Cowbuck: technically i think i said i hated you because i didnt know i was bi. but yeah, same difference, i guess

               Eddie Mercury: ohhh that’s why u were so pissed in the gym

               Eddie Mercury: u wanted me

               Cowbuck: it was before i knew you couldn’t be bothered to type the word ‘you’ out, don’t worry

               Eddie Mercury: u think im hot

               Cowbuck: full of hot air, maybe

               Eddie Mercury: u wanted me so bad

               Cowbuck: i wanted you to shut up really bad, yeah

               Eddie Mercury: u wanted to make me

               Cowbuck: i’m going to block you

               Eddie Mercury: so u like my cow eyes huh

*

Text forty-one

               Cowbuck: you’re a very cute cow. make all the boy cow go mooooo

               Eddie Mercury: quick question

               Eddie Mercury: did u just fucking quote the princess dairies at me but about cows

               Cowbuck: you remember that????

               Eddie Mercury: buck u made me watch that stupid movie when you were in your every anne hathaway movie phase, i remember it

               Eddie Mercury: it was the funniest part of the movie

               Cowbuck: anne hathaway phase was not stupid i’ll have you know

               Eddie Mercury: i’d watch it again if you came over now

The problem, naturally, was that Buck wanted to. Buck really, properly wanted to. But now that he was aware of those feelings (fucking Tommy), he didn’t know how to be around Eddie anymore.

He was still sending his silly little texts, sure, but he was also painstakingly aware that Eddie’s version of joking with him was very different with his version of sending them.

Because Eddie had been flirty back— asking Buck what he’d say if he was really interested. And Buck knew, he knew, if he had an ounce of self-preservation, he’d have jumped straight to some teasing joke about Eddie. If Buck had an ounce of preservation, he’d remind himself that Eddie was never going to see Buck that way. 

To Eddie, Buck was a best friend. A work partner. Maybe even, god forbid, a brother.

But Tommy had asked Buck if he knew that Eddie loved him, and it had hit Buck like a truck how desperately he wished that was true.

Buck had spent his entire life waiting to be loved. To feel really, truly loved and to love in return.

Tommy was… fine. He was nice enough. He was good enough. Similar enough. Interesting enough.

But he was also condescending and a little dismissive and too sardonic and guarded to the point of unresponsive and Buck… Buck thought all of those things might be fine for someone else. Maybe they would’ve been fine for him once too.

In the era of Taylor or Abby, maybe Buck would’ve deigned to stay, decided that he wanted love and companionship more than he wanted respect and genuine compatibility.

But Buck had grown since then. He had a family he adored. Friends he loved. A team he admired. Buck had people in his life who made him feel genuinely happy and fulfilled.

And for the first time in his life, Buck realised.

He wanted that or nothing.

He’d rather be alone than settle.

It was a fucking revelation.

It also made him realise that the standard no one would ever be able to live up to had been set. Eddie.

He wanted a love like he felt for Eddie or nothing at all.

He feared that there wasn’t a soul alive he could love like he loved Eddie.

He needed to relearn how to be around him. He needed to teach himself how to be just Eddie’s best friend again.

He didn’t think he could ever really abandon those feelings, but perhaps he could at least get a lid on them, and that could be enough. Enough to preserve his heart and Eddie’s comfort.

*

Text forty-two

               Cowbuck: are you a blanket? i’d happily have you on top of me

               Eddie Mercury: c’mon buck, that one was a little weak

               Cowbuck: i’ve created a monster

*

Text forty-three

               Cowbuck: need help putting out that fire? i come w my own firehose

               Eddie Mercury: hello? really? a firehose reference?

               Cowbuck: look, it would’ve been a waste if i hadn’t used it

               Cowbuck: and you keep complaining i’m not being original enough

*

Text forty-four

               Cowbuck: what time do you get off? can i watch?

               Eddie Mercury: do u ever wonder what HR would think of us?

               Cowbuck: love to be HR’s worst nightmare

               Cowbuck: you can ask me to stop any time, you know that

               Eddie Mercury: didn’t say that

*

Text forty-five

               Cowbuck: are you an oven? cause i sure wanna put my meat in you

               Eddie Mercury: u already used are u an oven

               Cowbuck: it’s a different one. i was the oven last time.

               Eddie Mercury: ah. so ur… not exclusively… looking for an oven then?

Buck stared at his phone, mildly panicked. Eddie couldn’t possibly be asking what he… seemed to be. Could he?

Why would Eddie ask him that? Why would he want to know?

               Cowbuck: careful, eds

               Cowbuck: don’t go asking questions you don’t want the answer to

               Cowbuck: also, don’t be reductive. people can be the oven and the meat

               Eddie Mercury: Right, sorry.

               Eddie Mercury: Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable…

               Eddie Mercury: Guess I was just curious.

               Cowbuck: oh my god eddie put that grammar away it’s weird

               Cowbuck: i’m not offended i just didnt think you’d want to know

               Eddie Mercury: I guess I just couldn’t picture Tommy ever being the oven.

               Cowbuck: you’re wondering about tommy?

               Eddie Mercury: No? Of course not. Sorry. 

               Cowbuck: what tommy preferred doesn’t actually confer what i preferred

               Eddie Mercury: oh

               Cowbuck: yeah, oh.

               Eddie Mercury: i made it weird didn’t i

               Cowbuck: i switch, dude. you could’ve just asked regularly

               Eddie Mercury: oh

***

Buck wasn’t at work. 

Buck wasn’t at work and no one knew why.

Bobby said Buck was sick.

Hen said Buck said he was run down.

Chimney said Maddie was concerned.

Eddie was mostly uncomfortable because he’d been more forward with Buck the previous evening than he’d been with… well, maybe anybody. It wasn’t like he and Shannon had ever been the paragons of good sex. They’d been inexperienced and awkward for most of it.

With Ana or with Marisol, it had been… sort of perfunctory. 

It was Buck’s fault, really, that Eddie had been so forward with him. After all, it was Buck who kept making his flirting progressively more… sexual. More real.

It felt real. 

Eddie had gone through the past month and a bit genuinely wondering if Buck was trying to give him some kind of cardiac incident. 

It had made his heart pound when Buck had started, giving Eddie silly and sweet compliments and looking proud of himself when everyone found them funny.

But then he and Tommy were breaking up.

And then the lines felt… well, they felt, was the problem.

Eddie felt every single one, whether it was in his heart or his crotch. 

He would sit alone and close his eyes and wonder if Buck meant them. He would lay in bed and imagine Buck, leaning over him on his elbows and whispering the words to him. For him. He imagined Buck telling him he wanted to ‘tap that ass’ and had the most embarrassing orgasm of his life— because god, it was something a frat boy would say before a premature ejaculation in the bathroom of a party, but it was Buck, and Eddie, newly actualised as he was, was fucking weak.

Eddie couldn’t decide which he wanted to imagine more, Buck bending him over some hard surface and showing him exactly why he’d been nicknamed Firehose, or Buck beneath him, wrung out and sweat drenched and filled with Eddie. 

So when he saw the opportunity to ask Buck about it, he’d figured he should take it.

But now Buck was skipping work and Buck never skipped work. 

Buck was skipping work and Eddie was staring at his phone, waiting for 7 o’clock to hit so Eddie could pretend for a few minutes that Buck was wooing him, trying to actually flirt with him in that charming and dopey way of his instead of just fulfilling some bet or something. 

He reasoned it must be that, given it started the night they went out without him.

Which was, quite serendipitously, also the first time Eddie had ever said the words out loud. At a church of all fucking places, locking eyes with a young, blonde haired, blue eyed priest and wishing it was Buck.

That was, after all, the problem.

He’d gone to that stupid church at Bobby’s suggestion, figuring maybe he should just give in entirely, hope Bobby knew better than him.

He’d sat beside the priest, cursing himself for being so fucking stupid as to think this would work.

The priest had been telling him about God’s plan for him or whatever, and Eddie had been politely restraining the urge to scoff and walk out. 

But then he’d looked up. He looked up into Eddie’s eyes and for just a moment, Eddie didn’t see the suspiciously attractive priest. Instead, he saw Buck.

He saw blue eyes, expressive and electric. He saw full lips stretched over a perfect smile, just the right shade of pink to make Eddie reconsider dismissing the colour as his potential favourite. He saw the birthmark, the pink skin above Buck’s eyes that gave his face a kind of character that, far from taking away from his beauty, gave him character and distinction. 

Eddie loved that birthmark. He’d traced it with his eyes a thousand times, pictured how the smooth skin might feel under the pads of his fingers. How Buck’s eyes would flutter shut when Eddie traced it; and how Eddie would take the time to examine his long, blond lashes and the delicate skin of his eyelids. He would make note of the purple and blue veins there, the signs of life that made Buck beautiful and fleeting. There and gone.

Eddie loved any reminder that Buck’s heart still pumped.

Any time Buck had on Earth would be insufficient, and the reminder of that fragility, it was odd. Eddie had seen human beings die in a multitude of ways. Stabbed and blown up and shot and crushed and every other possible thing. He’d seen how fragile life was. How quick the light could dim in someone’s eyes.

Buck, who seemed both horrifyingly fragile and unshakably resilient, was just another fragile body, capable of being burned or beaten or ripped away.

Eddie would take the moment to worship all the things that kept his fragile life in tact, and he would beg those same veins to keep him alive and rosy cheeked. 

Eddie saw the Priest and he saw Buck. 

Maybe he didn’t find God in that church, but he had a different kind of religious experience.

He’d cried for hours. Pled with the universe to be different. To live an easier life.

It was the singed trauma from a life lived too long ago, but Eddie had cried it away and when Buck’s texts had started that very same night, Eddie had thought… Maybe even some mythical God could see that loving Evan Buckley could never, ever be a sin.

Of course, Buck wasn’t at work. Buck wasn’t at work and Eddie’s rational brain told him it wasn’t about him, but the rest of him was… genuinely afraid.

When the alarm went off, Eddie felt a little guilty for being glad for the distraction.

It was wrong to be, he knew, but at least he’d be helping someone instead of festering. 

Bobby filled them in on the way.

Fire in a warehouse. Workers inside. Multiple houses attending.

It sounded… bad. Whenever there were multiple houses called to the same fire, it was worrisome. But Bobby was speaking in that grave way he did when it was something big. 

Eddie hated wishing Buck was with him. It only meant more danger, but they were better together.

When they arrived and Bobby started handing out jobs, Eddie went off without much thought. He knew the drill. Get anyone they could out of there. Others would work on the blaze itself, Eddie was on rescue.

And the job was… the job. Eddie managed to haul three workers out of the place, following his protocol and not taking any stupid risks.

He was on his fourth run back in when a man grabbed his arm, grip steadfast and eyes urgent. He was covered in soot and blood, and Eddie immediately turned to yell for another medic, but the man was too urgent. His dark eyes reflected the fire Eddie had helped him escape.

“The man. There’s another man— he— he got pinned. Doesn’t work here.” He folded over with a hacking cough and Eddie nodded.

When Bobby stopped him to tell him all the workers were accounted for — one way or another — Eddie recounted what he’d been told. A man who didn’t work there.

Bobby seemed uncertain, but told Eddie that he had less than a few minutes to spare before the whole thing would be a death trap.

Eddie knew as much. That was the job.

He went back in. 

It was one thing movies never really told you about fires, how loud they were. The menacing flickering sound, like the fire slowly, surely, breaking the bones of whatever it destroyed. Taking it apart hinge by hinge. 

He wasn’t sure you ever quite got used to the destructive, creaking noises of the fire spreading and taking down everything in its path. 

He was blocking that out when he heard coughs.

Weak coughs.

He was sprinting then, skidding down beside the figure on the ground.

For a moment, he really believed it was like the priest again. That he was seeing Buck’s eyes in another man’s place, seeing the face of the person he loved in the stead of another.

Unfortunately, Eddie knew every part of Buck. The way his legs sprawled, the way his hands clutched at his own torso. The way he was bent in, like he was trying to find a way to relieve the pressure and failing.

The shard of glass was big and thick where it razed through Buck’s stomach. 

The lips Eddie had thought far too much about were stained red with blood. His eyes were closed, but he was conscious, if his breathing was anything to go by.

“Buck!” Eddie screamed his name, loud and urgent, his voice echoing the sounds of a lightning strike and a thousand other near misses. It was instant, his urge to reach for his radio, to scream out an urgent call for backup, because there was no goddamn way he was getting the shard away from glass, not when it was still connected to a fractured slab of concrete, not when it was as thick and as sturdy as it was.

“Firefighter down, I repeat, we have a firefighter down. Captain, Wilson, Han, whoever’s listening, it’s Buck. It’s Buck! He’s been impaled.” He took his finger from the button as his hands moved around Buck.

To his pulse (weak, but present). To his sides, to his legs, to his neck.

“Buck, can you hear me?”

Buck’s grumbles were barely lucid enough to be helpful. He’d already been stuck like this for a while before Eddie spotted him, that much was plain and clear. Buck didn’t go down easy, he was a fighter.

Still, he was talking, however incoherently, and Eddie would take that.

He slid his own oxygen mask over Buck’s mouth, terrified of how shaky his breathing already was.

From what he could tell, Buck’s most important organs seemed to have been missed, but the wound was large, and the pool of blood was steadily growing despite Eddie’s best efforts to stave it off.

If they got the glass off of him, it would be worse, Eddie knew. Eddie always knew, like Buck must have when he got pinned. While the glass stayed in place, it was probably keeping Buck alive. Keeping the wound from bleeding out as quickly as it otherwise would.

“Buck, hey, Buck, I need you to stay awake for me, okay?” He was speaking urgently, reaching for his kit, for anything that might help, even if it was just something for the pain, the hope that he might get Buck lucid enough to talk to him, to answer his questions. “I need you to keep your eyes open for me.”

He heard the static of the radio, and it felt so distant. 

“Diaz, your position, report.”

And if Eddie didn’t know better, he’d think he must have missed Bobby’s first response. He sounded angry, like Eddie wasn’t answering: Eddie felt delirious under the weight of losing Buck. It was hard to say what he did where it came to Buck.

He’d already tried to pull Buck’s body over a ladder in the face of danger— it seemed Buck’s fragile light being snuffed out was enough to stumble Eddie. 

He called back where they were in a desperate plea, rambling off all the updates he could give of Buck’s condition. The medical training kicked in all on its own, but all Eddie could see was Buck. 

Buck, struggling to intake breath. Buck, struggling to keep his eyes open. Buck, going limp and jelly.

“Buck, Buck, please. Please keep your eyes open.”

Eddie needed backup, and he was pleading, loud enough he hoped it would penetrate whatever consciousness Buck had left. 

“Buck, please, Christopher would never forgive me if something happened to you. He’d never forgive himself for being so far away.”

Buck’s eyes fluttered open, cloudy and unfocused, but awake. Present. Of course it would be Christopher.

No one will ever fight harder for my son than you. 

“Diaz, incoming.” He heard again through the speakers, and the sound of running.

Buck’s eyes were closing again, losing whatever battle was waging inside of him.

Eddie leaned in close, “Please Buck, please, I love you. I’ve always loved you. Please don’t make me watch the light fade out of your eyes.”

His team were there then, bursting into action and thinking when his brain couldn’t. They didn’t discuss it, didn’t comment on it, but they all knew. Everyone knew. If Buck or Eddie was hurt, the other was treated like a bereaved spouse. Eddie felt like one too. He felt like he’d just had everything he loved ripped right out of his hands, like he was so close to Buck, but so impossibly far away.

He followed the instructions he was given, jumping in with Bobby when Hen and Chim determined that they had to move Buck with the glass still cutting into him. That meant they had to cut the glass. Which also meant they had the support the fallen debris, so that it didn’t fall on Buck and crush him entirely.

They should be leaving the building. They were running out of time.

Nobody suggested that anyone else could leave. No one offered to leave. The 118 risked their lives routinely for people they didn’t know, but this was different. It was Buck.

They were family, and if any of them was in dire need, they’d all be there, no matter the personal risk. 

Then Buck was being moved, and they were rushing to get him out of there before he crashed, and Eddie was so blinded by fear that he wasn’t even really sure what he’d done. He knew enough to know he had done his job. That he had been one of the ones following procedure to make sure that no more debris fell onto Buck. 

Bobby grabbed him by the shoulders once they were clear of the fire, “Diaz. Hen and Chim are going with him in the 136’s ambulance. Everyone is present and accounted for. Get in the truck, we’re going to follow them.”

His brows lifted. He’d been expecting Bobby to tell him to get it together and do his job. He took a second to stop and look at his Captain’s face. He looked… like a complete mirror of Eddie’s own anguish and terror. He might hold himself together better, but it was clear that he was just as afraid.

Eddie was in the truck with no real memory of how he got his legs to take him there. 

Bobby didn’t speak on the ride over, just followed the ambulance and let the desperate siren drown out the spiraling fears that Buck wouldn’t wake up this time.

Eddie didn’t speak either, holding his breath like if he did, he might somehow be able to give it to Buck. Breathe life back into him.

He didn’t know what was happening in that ambulance, but he knew enough to know they would be lucky if Buck didn’t code in the ambulance. 

Selfishly, he was glad he wasn’t there to see it. 

The ghost of Buck’s still heart beneath his fingertips already haunted him, he wasn’t sure he could survive another.

Buck was rushed into surgery. 

Chim, Hen, Bobby, Eddie and Ravi stood in the same foyer, beyond the glass doors that couldn’t ever keep them away from Buck, and Eddie felt like he was reliving his worst day. The echo of his own ‘do more’ bouncing around in his ears. 

Bobby had one arm around him, Chim another, and Eddie thought about what they all were to Buck.

Chimney and Hen were an older brother and sister, for sure. Chimney by marriage, but Hen by love, sewn together by mutual care and a mutual desire to help others. Ravi was a friend, yes, but also an annoying little brother, someone Buck bickered with, but ultimately cared for. Eddie had seen Buck quietly helping Ravi with difficult tasks, not letting anyone see how fond of each other they really were. 

Bobby was his father. Everyone knew that. 

The way they talked was different. The way Bobby deserved the title of ‘kid’ for Buck. The way he spoken to Buck, quiet and adoring, when he’d thought they were going to lose him to that lightning strike.

Then there was Eddie. What was Eddie to Buck?

A best friend? 

A work partner?

A coparent?

To Eddie, Buck was the undisputed love of his life.

But Eddie didn’t know what he was to Buck.

By the time he checked his phone, it was 7:10pm.

7:10pm and for the first time in nearly 50 days, there was no text.

No silly pickup line, no playful reassurance that Buck was thinking about him, no flirty little banter. 

For the first time in nearly fifty days, Eddie felt so alone it was crushing him. No Christopher, no Buck… Eddie knew he had work to do to fix himself, but he pled to whoever may or may not listen to not force him to do it alone.

Maddie had turned up, frenetic energy and anxiety bubbling out of her when she dropped into a chair beside Chim, and held his hand like a tether to the living world. 

“Have you told Christopher?” 

Chimney’s voice broke through the noise of Eddie’s own head; the pounding, paralysing fear that coursed through him and screamed in his mind. 

“No.” Eddie answered in a whisper. “I don’t— I don’t want to scare him.” He was still staring at his text thread with Buck. How had another twenty minutes passed in seconds?

Chimney sighed softly. The waiting room was in silence, and Eddie hadn’t even noticed Chim move to sit beside him until he was already speaking.

Everyone else must be able to hear him, but no one said so. No one visibly reacted.

“For what it’s worth, I think he deserves to know. Buck might not be on his birth certificate, but he’s his parent. It doesn’t take a genius to see that.”

Eddie would never, ever dispute that. But he was terrified of telling his son. Terrified of telling Christopher that he would spend another Christmas missing a parent. Terrified that Christopher would never forgive him for failing to save his Buck. 

But he couldn’t deny that Chimney was right. Christopher was fourteen years old, and he had a right to know.

Eddie made the call from the hallway, to give himself at least the illusion of privacy. 

When Christopher picked up, he sounded grumpy and irritated. “What?”

Eddie didn’t even have enough of himself left in his body to be hurt, everything he had to give was already wherever Buck was. 

“Christopher, there’s been an accident.” Eddie’s voice sounded scratchy and unstable to his own ears.

“What?” Eddie could hear the difference in tone. The shift of Christopher realising that Eddie wasn’t just calling to check in, or to casually chat. “Dad, are you okay, where are you?”

Something inside of Eddie both broke and etched itself back together all at once when he heard the genuine concern in his son’s voice. 

“Chris…” He whispered.

He heard Christopher’s breath cut for a moment.

“It’s Buck, isn’t it? Is he okay? Will he be okay?”

Eddie didn’t even know the sob was coming before it left his mouth. “I don’t know, mijo. I hope so. He’s in surgery now.”

There were a few beats where all either of them did was breathe into the phone, and then Christopher said: “I’m coming home. Can— can you pay for a flight? If I can get abuela to take me, will you—?”

“Of course, mijo, of course. I’ll ask Sophia to bring you. Adriana has the kids, but Sophia will bring you.”

“Let me call her.” Christopher said quickly. “You should be there in case Buck wakes up. He’ll need you if he wakes up. I’m calling her now.”

He sounded frantic, and Eddie hated that he’d worried him that way, but he had a right to know. He had a right to be there. Buck was his Dad. Buck was his family in every sense of the word that mattered. Eddie had no right to deprive his son of being there for him, even if it might be hard for them both.

He went back to the waiting room, and he stared at his text thread. 

I’d share my last bowl of cereal with you. He smiled sadly at that.

Here I am, what are your other two wishes? 

You, Eddie wished he could plead. With Buck or God or the Universe or whoever might be listening to him. You are my other two wishes. You are every wish. We can get through it together if I have you. I’m broken, but I think you’re broken too, and I think we can love each other anyway. I think we can handle each others’ sharp edges and missing parts. I think we can be messy, but worthy of love together. 

No one was there to hear his prayers, so Eddie typed them out instead, hitting send like Buck’s phone wasn’t probably in some hospital bag, broken and covered in blood.

               Sophia: Christopher and I are on the next flight out. We’ll be on a plane in two hours. I hope your Buck is okay.

Five hours. Eddie would be back with his son in five hours. 

He missed his son. He missed his partner. 

He missed when he had everything he wanted in the world in his hands and he hadn’t even fucking known. 

Buck, Eddie whispered to no one. Who he was praying to, he didn’t know. He knew Buck couldn’t hear him, but if he believed in anything at all, he believed in Buck. I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I’m sorry I didn’t see us. The family we already were. All this time I wanted to nest and there you were. Warm and steadfast and reliable. We were right there. We were already a family. I broke everything with my ignorance and now I might never get it back. Please come back. 

He wrote that out too, and sent it.

If he got another chance, he wanted Buck to know. He wanted Buck to understand.

Eddie wasn’t backing down this time. He wasn’t running. 

He wanted his family back. He wanted Buck and Christopher by his side; where they belonged. With him. He would never want anything more than that, and the revelation that he’d wasted so long hurt like a dagger to the heart. 

Christopher texted their groupchat when he was on the plane.

               Piglet: I’m coming. Wait for me.

Eddie knew what it was, a plea for Buck to at least hold on until Christopher was there. Maybe Christopher, in some illogical way, believed exactly what Eddie did. If anyone could bring Buck back from the brink of death and oblivion, it was Christopher. It was his son.

***

Buck’s eyes opened slowly and painfully. Was he burned? It felt like he was burned? His body felt like it nagged at him, like there was something crawling up his skin and tearing him apart.

He made to rip at it, but someone stopped him. A hand caught his wrist and Buck made a sound that came out like a whimper.

His vision was too blurry to make out much of anything, and nothing really made sense.

Where was he?

Where had he been? 

It returned in a searing blaze of recollection.

The fire. The warehouse. Buck had been running. From his problems, from his own heart, from his fear.

The fire was too developed for there to be no one on scene, but there was nothing. No firetrucks, no ambulances, no one running in to help.

He looked for his phone, but found that he didn’t have it. That he’d forgotten it at home when he went for his run. 

Swearing, Buck yelled to anyone around him who might hear to ‘fucking call 9-1-1!’. He ran in in gym gear, without his phone, equipment or any idea if help was coming. 

He spent the next however long pulling anyone out that he could. 

He had managed to get one of the workers, an injured young man, unstuck from where he’d been trapped when the ceiling collapsed in over his head. 

The man had tried to help, but Buck had yelled at him until he’d left. He wouldn’t be able to do anything for Buck, not with the weight of the glass, not with the way it pierced his chest.

Unless firefighters turned up within minutes, Buck was dead. He may not be a medic, but he knew enough to know that.

When he saw Eddie coming towards him, Buck knew he was already dead. It was all over, and Buck could just let go.

Except Eddie was screaming, and he was pleading, and he was mentioning Christopher and— Oh. Christopher.

Buck couldn’t stop fighting because he couldn’t leave Christopher. He couldn’t die without talking to Christopher. Without making sure Christopher knew Buck loved him.

The last thing Buck remembered from before was Eddie whispering that he loved him. That he’d always loved him.

Laying in the hospital bed, Buck didn’t know whose hand had stopped him from tearing at what he assumed were his surgery stitches, but in his mind’s eye, he saw Eddie, by his bedside, hoping he’d wake up.

In his mind’s eye, he saw Eddie, pleading with Buck that he loved him because he thought Buck was dying, and he thought it would make him fight. 

Buck knew this game. He knew how this worked. People loved him when he was hurt. They loved him when he was leaving. People didn’t love him when he was okay, they loved him when they thought they might be going to lose him. 

Eddie would have said anything to make him fight.

Probably, Buck figured, he’d even figured from the text messages how Buck felt, and he’d said it in his desperation because he knew it was what Buck wanted most.

Eddie knew Buck wanted him, and that terrified him. 

*

“You shouldn’t be here.” 

“I was called.”

“I don’t care that you were called, you shouldn’t fucking be here and you know it.”

“You don’t have a monopoly on caring about him.”

“No, of course I don’t, but he broke up with you. He dumped you, you shouldn’t have come.”

“He’s still more mine than he ever was yours.”

“He’s not a—”

“Alright, that’s enough. Either leave if you’re going to fight or sit down, shut up and coexist.”

The clearer Buck’s mind got, the easier it was to recognise voices. And that one— he knew that one.

“Athena?” He mumbled through dry lips and an aching throat. 

Her face came into view, and it was like seeing the most beautiful art. Seeing her face again, when he thought she was gone. 

“Hi baby,” She greeted him fondly, pushing his hair back. If Buck wasn’t still drugged into oblivion, he probably wouldn’t have gotten a bit teary at the motherly tone. But Athena was there, right by his bedside, greeting him like she had been afraid of losing a child. His own parents were notably absent. “I’m really glad to see your eyes again.” She told him fondly.

Buck attempted to clear his throat, and in a second, Bobby had appeared, cup and straw in hand, giving Buck the opportunity to drink. 

It tasted like being able to breathe properly again.

“The building…” He rasped, and Athena smiled wryly.

“Arson.” She told him softly, “Place was rigged so the security alarms didn’t go off. Lot of people who said they were okay because some gym guy saved them though.” She promised him, and Buck couldn’t help but smile at her, a little sad. He could’ve been more help if he were at work. Rather than needing to be saved by his own team.

Which, actually, reminded him. Buck craned to look down at himself, and saw bandages covering most of his torso. 

Fuck. 

“Shouldn’t’a called sick.” He grumbled, and he heard a wave of sad laughter move around the group.

Group.

Bobby, Athena, Maddie. His sister gave him a watery smile, and he resolved to apologise to her for all the worry he had caused her over the years. 

His eyes scanned a little further, and he saw who had been arguing before. Tommy and Eddie. Standing side by side, both looking down at Buck with matching unreadable expressions. 

And behind them, hunched over in a chair, crutches propped beside him, was Buck’s favourite person in the world.

“Christopher?” He whispered breathlessly, looking at the sleeping teenager he hadn’t seen in months. 

He supposed he was probably expected to reach for Tommy, given most of them didn’t know that they had even broken up before this, but he was zeroed in on the kid, and he wanted that first hug he always got when he woke up after an emergency like this. After the lightning strike had nearly ripped his life away, he’d woken to Christopher’s tight hug. He wanted that again.

He wanted to have the kid — his kid? — back in his arms again. 

Hearing his name, Christopher stirred. He looked mostly like every other grumpy teenager, Buck thought, except that his eyes were a little red, and Buck hated that he’d caused that, however inadvertently.

But it was quickly erased when a blindingly bright smile came to Christopher’s face and he was up, abandoning the crutches and reaching straight to Buck’s bed for support, making his way as quickly as possible to Buck and, in a move Buck hadn’t expected from a teenager, threw himself at Buck in a hug.

A few people made noises, reminding Christopher that Buck needed gentleness, that he had only just been sewn back together like some sick patchwork of tragedies. Buck didn’t care. He hugged Christopher tightly and ignored the way it stung to do so. 

“You’re here.” He breathed out. 

Christopher made a noise suspiciously close to a sob in his ear. 

“You’re home.” He said again, and this time, Christopher just nodded.

There were things to say, discussions to be had, but not yet. Not when he’d just woken up. Not when they were all finally in one room again. 

Buck supposed that meant that Ramon and Helena were there too, but then he saw a young woman hovering by the door, and she was unmistakably Eddie’s sister, the same cow eyes. Eddie’s sister had brought Christopher back to them. He gave her a watery smile, and she returned it, a little uncomfortable, but mostly just kind.

After Christopher, he got — much gentler — hugs from Maddie, then Bobby, then Athena. He was told that Chimney and Hen had had to go to be with their kids, and Buck promised he understood, and asked someone to pass on that he was okay to them. That he understood that they had other things they had to do. 

Neither Tommy nor Eddie made any move to approach him.

Buck found himself wishing everyone wasn’t there to witness it, because he wanted to talk to Eddie.

Then again…

I love you. I’ve always loved you. 

Maybe he didn’t want to talk to Eddie.

He couldn’t think of a single thing worse than seeing the truth on Eddie’s face, the shadow of what he’d said in a flurry of keeping Buck alive one way or another. 

He knew what it was to be loved only when you were hurt or dying. He wouldn’t have that. Not again. 

He could love Eddie more than he’d ever loved anyone, but he still wouldn’t allow himself to be as self-destructive as he had been once.

If not for himself, then for his sister, and his niece, and Christopher. He would hold himself to a higher standard. He would let Eddie off the hook of what he had said, because he understood. Because he understood being desperate to save someone you loved, but he wouldn’t take hospital bed love from anyone. Not again. Not anymore.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Tommy’s voice was… ill-fitting in the quiet of the hospital room.

Buck was struck with the truth that he didn’t belong there. That as much as Buck didn’t hate Tommy for how he’d acted — hell, he even understood it; tommy had been right to assume there was something deeper between them, after all — he also couldn’t see it as something they recovered from.

He gave a small smile, nodding his head.

He took a step forward, awkwardly brushing Buck’s leg, and whatever he had been looking for in Buck’s eyes, he seemed to find it. He turned to leave and, on his way out, stopped to pat Eddie on the shoulder.

Eddie’s eyes were hard, and if it was meant to be some bridge being built between them, Eddie was clearly not meeting Tommy halfway.

He left silently after that.

Buck was prepared to field questions about the breakup and why he hadn’t admitted it, but no one asked. 

Bit by bit, people left. Athena first, because she had promised she was going to pick Harry up from a study group.

Then Bobby. He didn’t give much of an excuse, really, but Buck thought the answer was fairly obvious.

It was, he thought, the same reason that Maddie excused herself. 

Whatever had been said while he was out, everyone seemed to be clearing way for Eddie, Buck and Christopher to be alone together. He didn’t entirely understand why, other than perhaps that people knew how he felt. Was he so transparent? Did he even have the energy to be embarrassed? 

He expected that would be the end of it. That he’d be alone with Christopher and Eddie until they both left him for the evening, since he was being kept under observation. 

“Chris…? Wanna come with me to get a drink?” Eddie’s sister was back in the doorway, and she was politely waving to her nephew. They hadn’t really spoken yet, but Buck supposed she was trying to be polite and give them all the space to deal with it all.

Christopher looked at Buck again, then at Eddie’s sister — Adriana or Sophia, Buck wasn’t sure — he got to his feet, situated on his crutches, and hummed. He looked to Buck. Then to Eddie.

“Don’t fuck it up.” He muttered, in that teenage attitude way he had going on now.

Buck looked to Eddie in surprise, waiting for him to reprimand his son. Eddie just went red in the face and waved Chris off awkwardly.

And then, after what felt like a very long time, Buck and Eddie were alone together.

Buck had no means of running away from this, whatever uncomfortable conversation this was, so he stayed perfectly still and silent, almost like he was hoping Eddie might forget he was there.

No such luck. Eddie rarely ever made eye contact with Buck when he was hurt. It was something Buck had noted a long time before.

“You missed the texts.” Eddie said finally.

Despite himself, Buck smiled. “Fuck. Chimney’s gonna institute some punishment now.”

Eddie smiled right back at him, softening. He was still all the way across the room, like he was afraid to get closer. 

“I knew this was Chimney’s doing.” Eddie said with a wry smile, shaking his head. “No one would tell me, but who else would dare you to do this? Or was it a bet?”

“Dare.” Buck said easily, shrugging just a little. “We were super drunk. I was so close to finished too.”

Eddie looked sad then, despite the smile on his lips. “Oh? How many left?”

Buck shook his head, “I don’t remember. It was on my calendar. But it was less than a week.”

They were still so far apart. The tension hung heavy and suffocating between them, like it was a third entity in the room.

Buck remembered what Eddie said. Buck wondered if Eddie was hoping that he didn’t.

“You know you can’t catch impaled, right?” Buck asked, trying for normal and jokey.

Eddie scoffed quietly. “I don’t know why I’m not closer.” He confessed.

“So come.” Buck said quietly.

Eddie took a deep breath, looking as though he was about to step off a cliff, and walked closer. He stayed standing, at the end of Buck’s bed now. It didn’t do anything to ease the tension.

“Listen, Buck—”

“Eddie, you don’t have to—”

They both stopped, looking at each other, big eyed and awkward. Eddie shook his head quickly, gesturing for Buck to continue.

Buck sucked a breath, steeled himself, and tried again. “You don’t have to feel awkward because of what you said. We can forget about that.”

Eddie seemed genuinely surprised.

“Wait, huh?”

Buck sighed, wishing this whole thing was about a thousand times less weird. Unfortunately… “What you said. When you thought I was going to die. It doesn’t have to be a thing. You can knock off the… y’know, soldier posture you’re doing. It’s fine.”

Eddie’s brows pinched up. “Wait, you— what?”

Buck really had no idea what else to say. He thought he’d been fairly clear about the whole thing. 

“I don’t expect you to— to be held to something you said while you were trying to wake me up, that’s all.”

Eddie was staring at him like he was insane. 

Was Buck being gaslit? He’d definitely heard Eddie say that?

“You’re… do you…” He paused, heaving a sigh. “Buck, you always say the weirdest fucking things when we’re in hospital rooms.”

Unexpectedly irritated, Buck’s brows shot up. “Me? I’m trying to do the right thing here, you’re the one who’s acting like I’m speaking another language.”

“When I got shot, you tell me it would be better if it’d been you. I— I told you about the will so you would understand how much I did not feel that way. Now you’re telling me I don’t need to mean the things I said? What is it with you?”

Buck huffed, “With me? What is it with you? You come out with all this weirdly deep and meaningful shit only when one of us is on the brink of death. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m honoured that you care enough to say or do those things, but like— I’ve played this game before, Eds.”

Eddie looked dumbstruck. “What fucking game?” He asked. His face was red again, but it wasn’t as nice this time, because there was no accompanying smile. Buck found he didn’t like it when it was this — this frustration and anger combo they were both spouting at each other.

“The game where I only matter when the sky is falling. I’ve been playing it all my life, Eddie. I’ve played the part of the reckless kid who got hurt to get love and I can’t— I’m not— I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”

“For the love of—” He ran a hand over his face in frustration, “Buck — Evan — how can you even think that I only care about you when the sky is falling? How many nights have we spent just sitting together in comfortable silence? How many calls? How many boring days? How many stupid texts? Buck, Jesus, me and you are not something that only matters when the sky is fucking falling. The sky has fallen. Over and over and over again, and y’know what? We were the thing that stuck. Every time. Every stupid time, even after the emergency was over and the dust had settled, it was still you and me.” 

Buck just stared back at him. 

“You are the guy who came up with the idea of building my son a scaffold to skateboard. You are the guy who draws cartoon hearts for his anatomy assignment. You are not someone who matters when the sky is falling. You have mattered when the sun shone and when there was no sky at all. Don’t you dare imply I’m like your parents, because I would spend the rest of my life watching shitty movies and drinking shitty beer with you.”

What? 

“When I said that I loved you, Buck, I was telling the fucking truth.”

Buck wasn’t sure he’d ever been lost for words before, but he opened his mouth and there was just… nothing. No words. No thoughts. He just stared at Eddie and waited for the dream to shatter around him. 

“Hell, your whole family knows because I just yelled at your stupid ex in front of all of them.” 

The pieces of what he’d heard clicked into place in Buck’s mind. 

“I…” Buck trailed off, a bit useless. “I thought…”

“I know what you thought, Buck.” Eddie sighed, sitting in the chair opposite Buck and screeching it along the floor as he brought it closer, so that he was right beside Buck. “You thought I was lying so that you’d fight to get back to me. I wasn’t. I needed you to fight because I need you. I don’t know if you— I don’t know if you feel the same way about me. It’s okay if you don’t. It really is. But what I really can’t abide is you convincing yourself that we only care about you because you’re hurting. I will…” He let out a humourless laugh, “I will text it to you every day until we die if it makes you hear it.”

Buck laughed, and it came out wetter than he’d expected.

“I just— I just don’t want you to rush into things you don’t mean— I mean— are you even—”

Eddie smiled. “Do you remember, that night, weeks ago, when you wanted me to come to the bar and I said no?”

Buck nodded, “That was the night Chimney gave me that dare. We were all super fucking drunk. I’ve since learned it was an attempt to set us up, but…”

Eddie’s expression was tired. “I spent that evening in Bobby’s church. Talking to his priest.” A pause, “Talking is generous. I sobbed hysterically about how badly I didn’t want to be gay. And then… it passed. It was hard. Awful, actually. But it was like… I had all this grief I had to let out for who I thought I was and then once I did…” He shrugged, “It was weird, how easy it got after that. Like, all your flirty texts were like… I don’t know. Fucking flying or something. And it was so weird, realising how I hadn’t let myself feel it. Not even for a second. But I wanted you to be flirting with me for real. I hoped you were. I was trying to find the courage to tell you that when I found you in that fucking building. And I said all that stuff you think I don’t mean.”

“I wanted you to mean it.” He managed, and the relief on Eddie’s face was tangible and beautiful. 

“Thank fucking god.” Eddie whispered. 

He leaned forward, off of his chair to lean over. He pressed his lips to Buck’s, so gentle and so featherlight that he could barely feel it. Patient gloves. Buck didn’t care. It was more than he ever thought he’d get. He could wait for more. He could.

“You’ve been driving me crazy for months.” Eddie told him softly, shaking hands reaching to brush Buck’s hair from his forehead, taking a deep breath like it was his first breath in too long. Like his lungs had been failing and he’d finally gotten what he needed. “I thought I was being really obvious.”

Buck smiled, “I told you I’d bark at you.”

Eddie grinned, “It’s embarrassing how charming I found that, Buck.”

“Christopher…” Buck began, worried.

Eddie smiled, small and a little sad, betraying how tired he was from everything that had happened in the last few months. “Is staying. I think he remembered what he was missing. He also told me I wasn’t allowed to date ever again unless it was you. He said I should hurry up and put a ring on it before I lost my chance and died a saggy old man.”

Buck’s laugh was punched out, genuinely shocked by Christopher’s words. “He got brutal.”

“I know.” Eddie nodded gravely, “I’m still being punished. I’m okay with it.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t make it to fifty.” Buck lamented, quiet and frustrated. “I was so fucking close.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie said softly, “I left you some messages for when you wake up. Not quite pickup lines, but… I mean, I want you to have them anyway. It’s probably my turn.”