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There was a small park across the street from the hotel. Elijah made his way to a bench, made himself as comfortable as he could on the cold wooden slats and stared up at the hotel's facade. He needed to think, and this was as good a place as any. His gaze went to the third floor, and he counted balconies until he could be reasonably sure that he was looking at Sean's room. He shook out a clove and lit it, drawing the scented smoke deep into his lungs, his eyes fixed on the square of yellow light. As soon as he had hugged Sean at the airport, he had known that something was wrong. But that was all he knew. He couldn't read Sean any longer - there was a shell around him, a defensive carapace that he couldn't penetrate. He missed the spontaneous affection, the tenderness and the laughter. Sean wasn't even 'Mr. Safety Hobbit' anymore - he didn't seem to care. But when he was Sam, god - he was so different. Sam felt everything -Sam was so open, so loving. Sam didn't have a shell. Those last scenes had been devastating in their emotional impact. He had turned to Sam at the end, had seen the anguish in the golden eyes, the look of profound loss; and the tears that came, and the heartbreak, were for them both.
His neck started to ache, and he lowered his head for a moment, wincing. When he looked up again, a flicker of movement caught his eye. He saw a figure move out onto the balcony, and he leaped to his feet and sought the shadows instinctively. It was Sean - he knew the tilt of his head, the set of his shoulders - even the slimmed-down body silhouetted against the light, at first so unfamiliar, so not-Sean - he knew. Sean braced his arms against the railing; head hunched low between his shoulders, staring at the street below. Elijah watched him from beneath the branches of a tree; he was too far away to see the expression on Sean's face, but even at this distance, he couldn't mistake the quick swipe of a forearm across a face. His memory supplied the look of despair and hopelessness he had glimpsed at the pub, not an hour ago, and tears rose in his eyes. He blinked hard and Sean was gone - swallowed by the light; his hand went out in unconscious protest, fingers cupped as if to hold him back, to keep him safe, a gesture of futility. His breath caught on a sob and he leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. The air warmed against his skin and his eyelids filled with golden light; he felt again the soft pressure of Sean's lips, the roughness of Sean's hands on his body. Knew the ecstasy and joy that he had never felt again.
The coughing of an engine roused him from his memories and he turned, dashing the tears from his eyes. He saw a car glide silently to the curb, heard the engine stop. No one emerged at once - then the doors opened and two men got out to climb the steps to the hotel, shoulder to shoulder. Elijah's spirit quailed as he realized the enormity of the decision he had to make, and the uncertainty of the outcome. Sean still wore his wedding ring - was Viggo wrong, after all? And Dom - oh dear god - what was he going to do?
*****
He knocked on the door and waited, fidgeting nervously. The door opened on an exclamation of surprise and welcome. Elijah glanced down the hallway quickly and slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him with a decisive snick.
*****
The shrilling of the phone cut through the night and he groped for it, cursing. He glanced blearily at the clock - thirty past midnight - who could be calling him at this hour?
"Sean, you wanker! Get up and open the door!"
"Elijah?" Sean woke with a vengeance, suddenly stone cold sober. "Lijah? What's wrong - are you all right?"
"Just. Open the frigging door, okay?" A click, and the phone went dead.
Sean stared at the instrument in his hand, his mouth dry. He threw aside the covers and pulled a shirt on, snagging a bottle of water from the table and drinking quickly. Then he padded slowly to the door and pulled it open. Elijah stood in the doorway, his eyes on Sean's face. They looked at each other for a moment, then Sean turned away and stumbled back to the bed, slumping down on it with his head in his hands.
Elijah closed the door behind him and leaned against it, his heart beating so hard he thought Sean would surely hear it. He took a deep breath and spoke, his voice low and hoarse.
"Sean. Is it true? Are you leaving Christine?" His voice broke on the name. "Please, Sean - I need to know."
"Don't know what you're talking about, Lij." Sean didn't look up, his gaze fixed on his hands, his body tense and tight. He reminded Elijah of a wild animal, poised for flight.
"Viggo told Ian - and Ian told me." Elijah moved into the room to stand before him. "Sean - you and I - we've never lied to each other. Don't start now - please."
The silence buzzed, ringing in his ears. Sean's fingers moved restlessly, turning the gold band round and round. Finally Elijah could stand it no longer.
"Why, Sean? Why didn't you ever say anything? All those years - Lizzy's birth - and the two of you always together -all the fucking time. I thought..." His hands clenched at his sides and his breath came in harsh gasps.
"Why?" Sean looked up at him with something like surprise. "I knew where you were coming from, Lij. I know your history, remember? I couldn't let you live with it, couldn't let you face your Mom thinking that you'd broken up a family. I knew you did it for me - and I let you do it - for you." He dropped his eyes and whispered. "And after - you never - there was Dom..."
"She came to me after the Fellowship premiere." Elijah's voice was soft and filled with pain. "Told me to stay away from you. Told me what would happen if I didn't." Sean heard the soft hiss of an indrawn breath. "Will it happen, Seanie? Will you lose Ally and Lizzy if I break my promise now?"
Sean closed his eyes at the sound of the name. A name he'd only heard once in the last two years. Mac had never used it again after; Sean had looked at him and Mac had paled and backed away. He still wondered what his brother had seen in his face then. The diminutive embodied all that he had lost -he seemed to think of his life that way now; BE and AE - before Elijah and after Elijah. He winced inwardly. Then Elijah spoke and his mind was wrenched back to the present. Elijah had moved closer, and his voice had changed. Sean had never heard him speak this way before; the timbre of his voice was deeper, the tone darker, the words oddly formal.
"Samwise - half-wise. Why'd you have to live up to your name? You were supposed to be wiser than me. Fool - fools -both of us." He growled. "Look at me, Sean."
Elijah glared at the bent head. If Sean didn't answer, he was leaving. He couldn't take it anymore. Sean's hands moved and Elijah felt a scream of frustration boiling up in him. Sean's fingers went to the damned ring and twisted it off slowly. He held it in his palm for a moment, then reached to the bedside table, pulled the drawer open - and dropped the ring in. He discarded his barriers - and lifted his head.
Their eyes met and Elijah gasped softly. Sean's face was open and vulnerable, the chiseled lips soft and trembling. And his eyes - Elijah had never seen such naked need, such wanting -such love. The rush of blood to his cock left him lightheaded for a moment, and he swayed on his feet. Alarmed, Sean put out his hand for support, and Elijah grabbed it and held on tight.
"Sean - you really do need me." His voice held a note of astonished wonder and his eyes glowed an actinic blue in the dim light. "Do you know what that does to me, Sean?" He took the hand he held and pressed it to his swollen groin. "Feel me, Sean. Feel how much your love means to me."
Sean stared at his hand and a flood of heat surged through his body. His nostrils filled with Elijah's scent. Everything else grayed out and faded into mist. He hardly felt the gentle strength of the hands on his shoulders, pushing him back, pinning him down. Dimly, he heard the soft thump of shoes hitting the floor, sensed the tingle that traveled up his body as Elijah moved up to straddle him and look into his eyes. His mouth worked and he managed a single word. "Dom..." he croaked.
Elijah smiled down at him. "It's okay, Sean." he said tenderly. "Dom will be fine - everything will be fine. Trust me." and his mouth came down to cover Sean's, open and urgent with desire. Sean groaned, deep in his throat, and his arms came up to crush the slender body hard to him, spine arching up in frenzied need. They devoured each other greedily, tongues probing, plundering each other's sweetness. Elijah held Sean's head still between his hands and moved his lips over his face, kissing each eyelid in turn, tracing the fine lines at the corners of his eyes with a wet tongue, smoothing the traces of pain away. Sean gasped at the touch, his breath hot upon Elijah's face, his strong hands kneading the firm flesh of Elijah's buttocks through the denim, moving their hips together in ancient rhythm.
"Lijah - ohgod - please. I - can't - I - want..."
Elijah rolled off, panting, and ripped his shirt off, throwing it onto the floor. Sean squirmed out of his shorts and briefs and tore at Elijah's jeans, skinning them down, tugging his boxers off with them. Elijah's body gleamed in the soft light of the lamp; burnished golden ivory, his cock rosy and weeping, and Sean stared at him with helpless adoration. He looked deeply into the sapphire eyes, and opened his heart; and Elijah stepped gracefully into it, and filled it, and until that moment, he had no notion of how empty it had been. Elijah's hands traced the smooth muscles, whipcord over bone, and he raised his eyes to Sean and challenged him.
"Love me, Sean - fuck me." He drew a shaky breath. "I'm not eighteen anymore, Seanie. I want to feel you in me."
Sean's eyes widened. "But..." Elijah reached for his jeans and came up with a handful of foil that glittered in the light. "I'm clean, Sean. I wasn't sure - but I came prepared." He looked up shyly. "Do you mind?"
"Mind?" Sean echoed. "Are you nuts?" and he reached out and drew him down. They kissed again, hungrily, and Sean knew a powerful awareness of all the places their bodies touched. Elijah slid down him with a moan, took him deep into his burning mouth and transported Sean briefly into paradise. Then warm hands moved on him, and Elijah hung poised above him-and he was in Elijah and Elijah was in him, was part of him -and they groaned in unison.
"Jesus god, Lij - so tight..."
"Ahhh - fuck - you're so - big..."
They opened heavy-lidded eyes and smiled at each other, drunk with passion. Then Elijah twisted down on him with a cry and Sean forgot his name, forgot the past, forgot everything but the slender body arched over him, shuddering with each driving stroke. The pulsing rhythm moved them out of time and Sean dug his fingers into the pale flesh as the orgasm took them both; finding his voice at last in a paean of joy that sang Elijah's name into the waiting night.
*****
"Elijah?"
"Mmmm?"
"Thank you, love."
"What for, Seanie?"
"For knowing what I needed - more than I did myself." Sean buried his nose in the short hair and took a deep breath. "Are you sure, Lij?"
Elijah didn't answer at once, and Sean's heart sank. "I was an arrogant little prick, wasn't I, Sean." he said quietly. "Making up your mind for you - as if I had the right..."
"You did have the right, Lij." Sean interposed firmly. "I kissed you first, remember? I made the first move, after all."
"First, shmerst." Elijah retorted. "You beat me to it, is all." He propped himself up on an elbow and traced little circles on Sean's chest absently. "I needed you, you know. You were so solid, so dependable - I needed you, and I loved you." He kissed a warm shoulder and felt the skin twitch under his lips. "Now - I love you - and so I need you." he paused, frowning. "Um - I'm not making any sense, am I?"
Sean's hand caressed his back, pressing him close. "Making a lot of sense, hobbit." He hesitated, "Lij, perhaps it's none of my business, but Dom's my friend too, and I thought you and him were..." his voice faltered.
Elijah rested his head on Sean's chest; "Yeah - we were." he whispered, and remembered...
**
Dominic turned from the window when he entered the room. His grin faded from his face as he absorbed the expression on Elijah's face.
"Elwood? What's wrong?" he moved forward to grip Elijah's arm.
"Dom, I..." and Elijah told him.
They were both crying when the knock on the door came. Elijah went to answer it, rubbing tears from his swollen eyes; Dom stood where he was, fist pressed to his trembling mouth. Billy burst in, glared at Elijah angrily, and went straight to Dom, taking him in his arms, stroking his back with soothing hands. He murmured something, too low for Elijah to hear, and Dom shook his head, burying his face in the crook of Billy's neck. The murmur resumed and Elijah leaned against the door, eyes closed, crying silently. He loved Dom - and he loved Sean, had always loved him. Dom had known that. But what had started out as mutual comfort had grown into something more -and Dom had been pressing for a commitment that Elijah had been hesitant to give. He hated to hurt Dom, but Sean needed him more; the dichotomy had driven him half-mad and he had gone to Billy for help - and Billy had surprised him. He opened his eyes and saw them, locked in a close embrace.
"Lijah." Billy's voice stopped him at the door, and he turned warily.
Billy held out a beckoning hand, and he crossed the room hesitantly. "Dom?" he whispered, his voice breaking. Dominic raised tear-filled eyes and they looked at each other for a long moment; then he was swept into their arms and he shut his eyes with relief and gratitude.
"What are you gonna do now, Lij?" Billy asked, much later. "You don't know if any of it's true, do you?"
"No I don't," Elijah replied with a shrug. "And if it isn't -well, I can live with it. I need to talk to Sean - but I couldn't do that until - um - you know."
"You deserve each other. Two of a kind, you are."
"Cunt." He retorted affectionately.
**
"Billy? Billy - and Dom?" Sean repeated blankly. He crossed to the bed and tossed the damp towel on the table. "I never knew."
Elijah had turned off the lamp and stood at the glass doors, moonlight silvering his naked body. "Mm - I think Billy is truly bi- and he wanted to be sure, wanted to play the field; and Dom - he needed comforting - and so did I."
He pushed the doors open and stepped out onto the balcony. "Lijah!" Sean gasped. "You'll catch your death!"
Elijah smiled. The Safety Hobbit was back. He looked back with a grin, "No I won't - I have you to take care of me now, don't I?"
Sean yanked the covers from the bed and joined him in the chill night. They looked up at the field of stars, wrapped in each other's arms.
"Under a different sky..." Elijah breathed. "We began here, Seanie - and now - we begin again." His mouth found the warm hollows of Sean's throat. "Are you sure, Sean?"
"I've dreamed of this for three years, love." Sean replied, and added, "I'll take any label they care to stick on me - and welcome it - as long as I have you."
A door banged open somewhere and strains of music drifted out into the night;
...There's just no rhyme or reason,
Only a sense of completion
When I look into your eyes.
I see the missing pieces
I've been searching for,
I think I've found my way home...
Sean released his lover's warm lips and smiled thoughtfully.
"I think I'll send Viggo a magnum of very good champagne." he mused.
"D'you suppose we can persuade Orli or Karl to deliver it?" Elijah giggled.
"Hell - make 'em pay for the privilege."
"Mmmm - buck naked..."
"...tied up in a biiiiig bow..."
Their laughter pealed out into the star-lit night.