Chapter Text
It was seriously his mistake to move in with a couple. What the actual fuck had he been thinking? It just hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time.
They looked boring, honestly. Obnoxiously so. So much so that Xue Yang sorta contemplated burning everything they owned, just to see if that would spark an interesting reaction. Obnoxiously in love, very vanilla, and the sort of morons who would probably return incorrect change to the cashier instead of walking out lucky.
That was part of the appeal to them at the time. Boring as fuck and dumb as bricks. It wouldn’t be difficult at all to take advantage of their ‘better nature’ if the need arose. And they were unlikely to notice Xue Yang’s less-than-legal methods of paying rent.
It seemed like a win-win.
So what if he happened to remember one of them from middle school and still had shitty unresolved feelings about that whole fiasco? It was over now and that was the important part.
Xue Yang was over it.
Xue Yang was absolutely over it.
And, if he wasn’t over it, that was totally fine because becoming his roommate was basically the perfect opportunity for revenge. So moving in with them should not have been, theoretically, a bad idea at all.
It was a terrible idea.
“How do you want your pancakes?”
Xue Yang glared at the obnoxious stoic expression of his roommate with something like murder on his mind. Biting him to death sounded really good actually. Skinning him alive slowly and painfully and eating his flesh in front of him and watching as his face decays into horror and agony as Xue Yang literally consumes him bit by bit in the most painful way imaginable.
Song Lan, for his part, looked entirely unimpressed.
“Hm. Cinnamon and chocolate chips.” He deduced dully, turning back to his work as though Xue Yang hadn’t fixed him with a murderously hateful glare. And the most annoying part of all was that he was right . Sure, Xue Yang hadn’t actually been thinking about either of those flavors, but the second Song Lan said them, he realized that was exactly what he wanted.
It only made him want to murder Song Lan even more.
Things definitely were not going the way Xue Yang planned and he hated it.
Or things had gone too much to plan?
It was complicated.
Song Lan didn’t talk as he cooked. He rarely did. Talk, that is. He was possibly one of the most annoyingly silent people Xue Yang had ever met. He could go hours at a time in silence without a single sign of unease.
Xue Yang could as well, obviously. He didn’t need there to be a conversation. And definitely didn’t need to talk to this asshole. He could keep his mouth shut for days at a time if need be.
But that would just be letting Song Lan win, wouldn’t it? Fuck that. He wasn’t going to let that stupid giant win anything.
“You changed your hair again.” Xue Yang said, a mocking lilt to his tone. The clear implication lathering his words that he thought it was pathetic.
“Mm.” Song Lan hummed in agreement. “Xingchen wanted to braid it.”
And that was just it. The way Song Lan so easily responded to his taunts with stoic ease. Song Lan used to be a lot easier to piss off. Or maybe he was pissed and he just knew that the best way to get under Xue Yang’s skin was to pretend to be unaffected.
Or maybe he was unaffected. Maybe Xue Yang was so insignificant to him that it didn’t fucking matter what he said.
That was fine. Xue Yang knew who did matter to him. And he could leverage that all day to make Song Lan crack.
“Aw, that’s cute . You really are Xingchen’s little bitch, aren’t you? Bet if Xingchen asked, you’d bend over right now and let something as filthy as me fuck you raw, yeah?” Xue Yang sneered. “But would he want to touch you again after you stooped so low for him?”
He hated them.
He hated their happy little relationship and their perfect little love and how unshakably stable they were and how Song Lan finally looked up from his work to fix Xue Yang with a dry look.
“You can try to piss me off, or you can eat your pancakes.” Song Lan said dryly, clearly annoyed. “Take a shower and make your choice before you get back.”
Xue Yang bristled.
It would be really easy to kill him.
Song Lan was in the kitchen for fucks sake. All he’d have to do is climb over the counter and use the frying pan to bash Song Lan’s skull in again and again and again until his head was nothing but a mushy pile of meat.
The door to Xiao Xingchen’s door remained shut and locked. He was working. Xue Yang was very tempted to interrupt his workday by knocking down the door and presenting him with his precious partner's mutilated head.
He was sure that whatever boring zoom meeting Xiao Xingchen was in wouldn’t appreciate it at all.
Xue Yang grit his teeth and stormed into the bathroom instead.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to kill Song Lan. It wasn’t that he couldn’t just do it. It was just that it wasn't his plan and Xue Yang was really determined to succeed in his plan.
Xue Yang had been staying in the apartment for approximately one week before he realized that he still hated Xiao Xingchen.
Literally everything he hated about Xiao Xingchen from middle school was the same. He still had a holier than thou belief in ‘justice’. He still naively pursued symbolic activism for his beliefs without really understanding the problem. He still stuck his neck out where it didn’t belong. He still managed to fool most people into liking him by acting as pathetic as a soggy wet paper towel while in reality being a stubborn asshole. He still lived this privileged life without ever being aware of it. He still conflated his ideals with having realistic expectations. He still laughed at everything Xue Yang said like he thought he was fucking joking .
And worst of all, he didn’t seem to even remember Xue Yang.
Xue Yang did everything in his power to make Xiao Xingchen’s middle school years miserable after that soggy piece of shit fucking dared to stop him from mugging the richest kid at school. Xue Yang still got Wen Chao’s ass later, but that wasn’t the point . Xiao Xingchen caught him, stopped him, and actually fucking tried to get him expelled for it.
It wasn’t that Xue Yang gave a flying fuck about middle school. Expulsion meant nothing to him. It was that this fucker had the balls .
And after years of tormenting Xiao Xingchen, the bastard came out of it just as happy and sunny as ever. And he didn’t even think that Xue Yang was worth remembering ? Yeah. No. Fuck that guy.
So, Xue Yang figured a bit of revenge was in order.
Clearly his more conventional attempts at bullying in middle school hadn’t done shit to Xiao Xingchen, so he needed to get a bit more unconventional.
And there was Song Lan. Stupid, tall, and indecently hot Song Lan.
The plan was easy. Seduce Xiao Xingchen’s boyfriend, fuck in his bed, and rub it all in his stupid heartbroken face before breaking Song Lan’s stupid heart.
The plan was easy too. Xue Yang had the looks and he knew how to use them. He had plenty of gross assholes falling over to get into his pants before. He’d just play up being all nice with Song Lan and the idiot would be putty in his hands.
Two months in and Xue Yang didn’t understand why it wasn’t fucking working.
The hot water sprayed down on him and did quite a bit to unwind the headache that had been the biggest source of his agitation this morning.
Not just the seduction plan. Seduction could take time. Xue Yang was in it for the long haul. He was very patient when it came to revenge. In fact, the revenge would be sweeter if it took longer because then he’d have time to properly befriend Xiao Xingchen, and then he could wrap them up in the whole ‘my boyfriend slept with my best friend boohoo’ schtick. And as a bonus, more time meant Xiao Xingchen would spend forever wondering ‘how long was this happening before I noticed?’, which would just eat him up inside and make it impossible to trust anyone else again in the future.
What Xue Yang didn’t understand was why he couldn’t just… behave as planned.
That was sort of the crux of the whole plan. Xue Yang knew he was hot, but he wasn’t under the misconception that either Song Lan or Xiao Xingchen were going to grow fond of a prickly homicidal asshole with atypical moral values.
They were both too stiff for that. Too stuck up and obsessed with notions of ‘right and wrong’ to ever bend their morals enough to stick their dicks in someone like Xue Yang. Or Song Lan’s dick at least, Xiao Xingchen didn’t have one.
That gave Xue Yang pause while washing his hair. Did Xiao Xingchen have a dick? Xue Yang didn’t know a fuckton about his transition or whatever and he sure as hell didn’t know what surgery was capable of doing. Xiao Xingchen didn’t have a dick in middle school, he knew that because he had to beat the crap out of the fucker who pantsed Xiao Xingchen in front of the entire school.
That was a good day. Xue Yang grinned to himself. He sent that obnoxious asshole to the hospital.
Although Xiao Xingchen took a week off school. Which sucked. And pissed him off. All of Xue Yang’s attempts to fuck him over and all it took was a juvenile asshole pantsing him to make him actually upset? It was infuriating that Xue Yang hadn’t been the one to hurt him.
He was the only one allowed to hurt Xiao Xingchen.
Xue Yang rinsed out his hair as he dubbed Xiao Xingchen’s nethers as ‘schrodinger's dick’. It didn’t particularly matter what he was packing down there in any case, Xiao Xingchen could have two shark dicks for all Xue Yang gave a fuck.
The point was that neither of those shark dicks would be caught near Xue Yang’s ass if Xue Yang didn’t act all nice and shit.
Not that Xiao Xingchen was at the center of his seduction efforts, but being the sort of person that Xiao Xingchen would fuck was by extension being the sort of person that Song Lan would fuck. The pair were obnoxiously similar in their moral values.
Yet, Xue Yang really couldn’t seem to keep his shit together about this. It wasn’t for lack of trying. Song Lan just… got under his skin in ways he couldn’t anticipate, and before he knew it, he was just being himself and Song Lan was making him pancakes and none of this fucking made any goddamn sense.
Xue Yang knew that he could act.
He turned off the water and glared at the pristine shower wall with half a mind to destroy it.
Back in highschool, when that fucker Meng Yao he was dealing for had decided to throw him under the bus, Xue Yang acted like he hadn’t held a grudge for it for two whole years before getting back at him. It hadn’t been hard at all. All he had to do was show up and lick Meng Yao metaphorical balls until he let his guard down.
Well, Meng Yao wasn’t the type to ever really let his guard down. But he was the type who wanted nothing more than everyone to treat him with love and admiration. That’s why that bootlicker Su She was his only fucking friend.
Or maybe that was because they were two guys in their mid-twenties using teenagers as drug dealers. As someone nearing his mid-twenties, Xue Yang couldn’t say he’d be terribly eager to befriend losers like that.
The point was, Xue Yang got his revenge and managed it after two years of bootlicking someone who nearly had him killed. By that same token, bootlicking some idiot from middle school and his dumber boyfriend should be easy .
It was not easy.
Xue Yang finally retreated from the bathroom. He felt refreshed and clean, and his headache had faded. There were fresh pancakes waiting for him just the way he liked them and Song Lan was sitting politely across Xue Yang’s spot with his own significantly plainer pancakes.
Which meant that Song Lan waited for him to get out of the shower to eat. And also meant that Song Lan made two batches, because he didn’t even like cinnamon and chocolate chip pancakes. And that meant that those pancakes were made just for Xue Yang. With him in mind and with no other recipient. After Xue Yang made an effort to be a rude asshole while Song Lan was cooking.
Song Lan looked up from the book he was reading. Because of course the boring asshole was reading a book. And raised an eyebrow at Xue Yang patiently. “Better now?”
Xue Yang wanted to strangle him.
Knock the table away, send the pancakes flying, push Song Lan to the ground and straddle him while squeezing the life out of his throat.
He wanted Song Lan to struggle desperately to survive, his stupid, perfect hair falling into disarray and his deep dark eyes filling with panic, and those tantalizingly pink lips to open with a silent scream for help.
Xue Yang clicked his tongue and had a seat instead. “These better be fucking good.” He grumbled instead of a thank you. Already knowing it was a pointless thing to say.
Song Lan was an amazing cook and everything he made was mouthwateringly good.
Song Lan let out a huff that could have been a laugh coming from anyone who wasn’t a humorless hunk of meat.
“Stayed up late on an essay.” Xue Yang answered the question that Song Lan didn’t ask. “Had a headache.”
This was the problem. Xue Yang should be flirting shamelessly. Or acting shy and cute in a way that was sure to appeal to an idiot like Song Lan. But instead he just… told him the truth. Or part of it, at least.
He didn’t say that it was five essays and none of them were his own and he was paying most of his rent the same way he did through all his previous years in school. He was smart enough to get good grades on any essay he wrote and idiots paid good money for good grades. He even took tests for some of the more daring fucks out there. Xue Yang wasn’t even officially attending the nearby university that Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen were. It was just a place full of easy marks and he needed a place to lay low if Meng Yao ever found out he was behind that whole revenge thing.
But it was still more of the truth than he would normally tell when he was trying to pretend to be someone that he wasn’t.
“Mm.” Song Lan hummed in acknowledgement. He was eating his own breakfast with the same effortless elegance that he did everything. Infuriating. “Say that next time.”
Xue Yang narrowed his eyes. “Why?”
Song Lan looked up at him with a raised brow as though Xue Yang asked him something dumb. “I could have brought the pancakes to you in bed with some headache medicine instead of making you come to the kitchen.”
This.
This right here.
He said it so fucking simply.
Like the idea of making Xue Yang breakfast in bed to accommodate his headache was something he’d actually do . For no other reason than it would have been more comfortable for him. Song Lan had a whole rule about eating at the dining table. It was one his various obsessive little ‘things’ that he asked of his roommates. But he’d bend his own stupid rule just because Xue Yang had a headache ?
Xue Yang’s mouth felt dry and he wanted to scream. More importantly, he wanted to rip Song Lan’s throat out with his teeth.
The door to Xiao Xingchen’s room opened which meant the bastard was out of his meeting and fuck .
Xiao Xingchen looked soft and happy and prim as ever. Dressed in one of his neat button-up shirts and comfortable slacks. He smiled at them both brightly in greeting and leaned over Song Lan so that they could share a brief, chaste kiss full of all the love they felt for one another.
“Your pancakes are by the stove.” Song Lan said, his tone so much softer than anything he would ever use with Xue Yang.
“Thanks, love.” Xiao Xingchen said, kissing the tip of Song Lan’s nose playfully and happily heading to the kitchen to retrieve his pancakes. They were blueberry flavored with fruit on the side.
Xue Yang scowled at his own delicious pancakes. It wasn’t really all that special of Song Lan to make him a separate batch, was it? He already made a set separately for Xiao Xingchen. It was probably hardly an effort at all.
They were so stupidly in love.
Xue Yang crammed more pancakes in his mouth so that he wouldn’t murder either of them while they started chatting amiably. Well, Xiao Xingchen talked at Song Lan and Song Lan replied here and there.
But they looked happy.
Nauseatingly so.
“Are you okay, a-Yang?” Xiao Xingchen asked after Xue Yang didn’t join in. Because of course he would notice and of course he would check in. That was just the sort of annoying person that Xiao Xingchen was.
“Headache.” Xue Yang said tersely.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Xiao Xingchen set down his eating utensils, as though he was ready to get up. “Have you taken anything for it? Let me get you some water. Where does it hurt?”
Fuck him. Fuck them both.
Xue Yang hated them both so fucking much.