Archive of Our Own ^beta

“That should be the last of the monsters.”

Luo Binghe wiped the blood from his sword and sighed. Who knew that the pack of monsters he was tracking would deviate suddenly and take a detour into this village?

Monsters were largely predictable. After all, they were just another type of animal. He must've missed or accidentally ignored some issue that made them search out an alternate route. Oh well. He clearly wasn't attentive enough— seeing as how the human blood of the townsfolk splattered against the walls and the entire population was culled.

It was too bad for them, Luo Binghe supposed. This was just the course of nature. Creatures live and creatures die. Life was life.

Rain began to drip slowly from the clouds above— making him look up at the darkening sky and realize that it was getting late. But before he could prepare for the journey home, one of his generals bowed to him to give him a message. “Would the Emperor like to participate in the clean-up process?”

Luo Binghe sighed. He was tired and there was no need to waste any more energy on something someone else could handle. “No need. I’m sure you can do this without me. You're not an animal nor a toddler, so there’s no need to baby you, is there?” With that, Luo Binghe had already walked away from the scene— away from the ruins of the monster's massacre.

And he would’ve walked away from it all— from this village, from this memory, from this life— if he didn’t hear a high-pitched animalistic cry resound from behind him.

“aaaaaaaa—”

?

Another monster? I thought I killed them all.

The monsters he had just killed were black furry creatures. So when Luo Binghe saw an animal of full black fur— almost unnoticeable under the darkness of the moonless night sky— he drew his weapon in shock. But upon closer inspection, Luo Binghe was sure it wasn’t a monster. It was a blob. A massive long black blob lying on its side, hiding under some merchant’s abandoned cart.

A very fat black blob of a cat.

Luo Binghe stared at it. The cat would be drowned by the rain and mud if it stayed under there for too long.

He reached down to pet it.

“...”

It was already dead.

Luo Binghe thought the poor thing was pregnant, but when he looked closer, it appeared as if the cat's stomach was slightly deflated. He guessed that the cat had recently given birth before it fell to the monsters that stormed the village.

“aaaaaaaa—”

Another meow was heard from the dead body.

Where’s that coming from?

Luo Binghe gently lifted the cat’s corpse and saw—

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” The sole white kitten of the litter screamed with all its glorious might!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

What the hell???

The POWER of the tiny kitten’s war cry was enough for even the ultimate demon lord to be taken aback! Who knew that this terrible sound could come from such a small animal???

There were thirteen kittens tucked protectively under the corpse of its mother— all black in color and quiet and shaking in recent fear, except for the littlest one, the runt, who screamed with all its life as if leading a war!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

What power!

What strength!

The sole white kitten in the litter was smaller than the rest of its siblings. From sight alone, Luo Binghe would bet that it was a little smaller than the palm of Luo Binghe’s hand!

But despite its size, it didn’t hesitate to march proudly and LOUDLY onto his shoe before climbing up his expensive silk trousers.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“Get off me!” But no matter what kind of strength Luo Binghe possessed from years of training and hardship, it was entirely impossible for even a God to stop a mischievous kitten from achieving its evil goal:

Climbing the Demon Lord!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”

Heeding the siren of the white kitty's cries for battle, the rest of the kittens regained their strength and loyally obeyed their leader! Pouncing at him, they all climbed their leader's path up the Emperor of the Demon Realm! Nothing could stop them from completing this glorious campaign— even the Demon Lord was relegated to flinging himself around in hopes of slowing the charge of these thirteen fearsome foes!

The Demon Lord began pleading for his life: “Get off me! IT’S SHARP! GET OFF!”

But the kittens were without mercy— especially the white runt who had already ascended to the Emperor’s throat and decided to (for some instinctual reason) take a bite out of Luo Binghe's neck.

“OW!”

Panicked by sounds of violence, one of his soldiers (the general from earlier) quickly rounded the corner to protect and serve some surely wounded victims only to find his Lord… To find the Emperor who he pledged his life and power to…

The ultimate demon king he promised his soul to was being mugged by a gang of kittens.

“...?”

Silently (for the sake of his own life and sanity), the general walked away— narrowly not seeing the white kitten dodge Luo Binghe’s hand and jump into his thick curly hair, clinging to it with all its life!

The other kittens, watching with awe, jumped after their leader with gusto!

Of course. Of course they all got tangled in his hair. Immediately, their once fearsome screams for violence were replaced with pitiful cries for help.

Stupid STUPID animals!!! But no matter what Luo Binghe thought, he still sat there— painfully combing thirteen filthy kittens out of his hair.

He grabbed the tiny white kitten by its scruff to make eye-to-eye contact with the tiny animal. “You bastard… You were the one who led your men against me—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” The white runt interrupted the demon lord with an energy Luo Binghe couldn’t match.

“Do you ever shut—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” The white kitten did not take orders from anyone!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

The other kittens began to copy the runt’s rebellion.

Luo Binghe like he was about to join them— it would be a good way to shut them up, maybe. The best way to tame an animal was to play by that animal's rules. But then he thought twice about it and realized that screaming at some newly born kittens in public wasn’t so befitting for a demon lord of his stature.

In fact, this entire situation wasn’t befitting for someone like him!!! Why was he, a person, entertaining some filthy animals? This was stupid.

So after fishing the final black kitten from his hair, Luo Binghe bundled all the tiny kittens together in the crook of his arm to plop them back underneath the merchant cart.

They were animals. They were meant to survive out here. They don't need human help. And I don't have the time or energy to care for them.

I have to go back to work early tomorrow.

This is what he thought before walking away from it all— resuming his original stride before he got suddenly jump-trapped by a legion of evil kittens.

Evil kittens? How could he call them evil when animals had no sense of morality? They were probably panicked and high on fight-or-flight adrenaline. It was wrong to call them evil. They were just animals.

However, before Luo Binghe could walk a single meter away from them, the kittens had already begun to sprint and roam and spread out from underneath the cart like an army of ants— the white one in particular made a beeline for the poor man it just beat up.

“Go away—” but any annoyance or fight in Luo Binghe’s voice that had spawned from this encounter had already died down.

The white kitten was rubbing its dirty face on Luo Binghe’s shoe.

"Don't do that. My shoes are dirty. You'll look like a rat if you continue to...

It was purring so loudly that Luo Binghe felt his entire body vibrate.

"You'll... You... You bastard animal..."

The kitten was… It was so… It was so…!!!!

SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH—

NO!

WHAT AM I DOING?? Luo Binghe slapped his right cheek to regain control of himself. Why is someone of my high ranking f–f—fangirling over some animal????

The kitten was clearly just pretending to like him! Yeah! A kitten with no parent and no food would run up to its closest source of safety in a gamble for help! And Luo Binghe just proved to it that he wouldn't hurt them— so obviously the kitty was acting so nice to him!

They were not people. They couldn't truly be nice or loving. They could only exhibit an appearance of human emotion but not the actual thing! This was a matter of animal biology!

The kitty purred more. Its little face looked up at him. The little baby looked like it was smiling happily at him.

...

THIS IS STUPID!

But quicker than he could comprehend, the white kitten had already climbed up the tall man and was now resting in the crook of Luo Binghe’s neck. The kitten licked the bite wound it had made in apology before resuming its purring position.

This is stupid...

And when the rest of the kittens came running and climbing over him, purring and screaming with joy, Luo Binghe couldn’t find any strength to push them off.

They attached themselves to the Demon Lord. They licked his fingers. They kissed his chin.

They appeared to love him so genuinely— a genuine love no person apart from his washerwoman mother has ever given him...

But they were only animals cozying up to him in hopes of warmth and shelter and food.

He knew deep down that, no matter how it looked, these cats were just that— animals.

This is… so stupid…

But Luo Binghe had allowed them to cling onto him as they flew back home to the Imperial Palace. And the Demon Emperor had so carefully wrapped up the kittens’ deceased mother— holding it delicately, carrying it to be buried in his private garden.

This was stupid. But Luo Binghe still let the tiny white kitten sleep peacefully in the palm of his warm hand.

This little runt really is smaller than my palm…

Luo Binghe let out a secret smile.

What a silly little animal... I wonder how large it will grow?

—-------------------

For Mobei-jun, things had been going insane for the past year.

He's been going insane.

“THE LADY OF DEATH IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!” Despite the meeting room being expensively soundproofed, screams of horror and fear could be heard clearly from the corridor outside.

Man, woman, servant, soldier— nobody was immune from the petrifying fear of seeing THE LADY OF DEATH or THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION race down a corridor. Even Mobei-jun, the Great Master of the Icey North, would visibly flinch and speedily walk out of rooms at the sight of these particularly demonic cats.

Mobei-jun had seen fear creep into the corner of Luo Binghe’s eyes the one time THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION had somehow sneaked into the underground secret meeting room to wreak ungodly havoc on them all.

From that day onwards, cats were strictly banned from meeting rooms and anyone who was seen to let them in would be punished with thirty minutes of alone time with BOTH THE LADY OF DEATH and THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION.

Safe to say, that rule didn’t work at all. No matter how hard the Palace staff tried to keep them out, nobody could figure out how the cats got into the locked meeting rooms to hide under the tablecloths and perform elaborate sneak attacks on the generals' feet. Mobei-jun, the Proud Ice Demon of the North, always made sure to look twice underneath tables and chairs— just in case one of those black cats was hanging upside down on the table, ready to attack his unsuspecting kneecaps AGAIN.

“In any case—” Mobei-jun tried to speak above the torturous sound of a THE LADY OF DEATH'S screech as she continued to chase servants and wives around the palace. “My Lord, we must act with haste if we wish to capture this facility…”

"..." Mobei-jun hated this job. He hated it— he hated it so much.

This was a hopeless activity, wasn’t it? With the palace and Emperor in this kind of state, it would be a miracle if they could launch the large-scale invasion that had been planned years ago.

Luo Binghe, despite being in a VERY VERY IMPORTANT WAR MEETING, was currently tickling the tummy of an awe-inspiringly plump white cat. Princess, the MALE white cat, proudly let the Emperor touch and fondle its squishy stomach fat folds without complaint. In fact, Princess’ contentful purrs could be heard loudly like the static thunderous rain of a typhoon.

In the past, Luo Binghe had brought Princess to his privately hired animal doctor to see if the goddamn LOUD purrs were the result of a medical condition.

“No,” the animal doctor had said with a sigh. “He’s just loud.”

And deaf— Princess was also deaf.

This was such horrifying news to Luo Binghe that he decided he MUST take care of every one of Princess’ needs and desires. He even hand-fed the white cat every day because being deaf certainly had an impact on whether a cat could eat properly. Well, it definitely didn't have an effect on his ability to eat. Actually, it had one consequence: because Luo Binghe insisted on hand-feeding Princess, he would always feed him too much out of awe of Princess’ cuteness.

This was the story told to every Palace visitor whenever they asked why all the black cats were so fit and skinny while the white one was like a watermelon that was grown to participate in a fruit weigh-off competition.

Mobei-jun stared at Princess’ watery half-lidded eyes and pleased fatty smile. The Northern Ice Demon felt like he was being insulted— heavily. If the cat could talk, Mobei-jun was sure it wouldn’t hesitate to call them all the relevant slurs.

Ah… The Emperor had really changed a lot because of these cats— this was a sentimental thought that everyone in the Palace would heartily agree with. Gone was the Heavenly Demon who languished around proudly! Gone was the arrogant man who always dressed to impress as if telling everyone around him: "You are all maggots below me!"

No. Sitting in front of Mobei-jun, speaking over Princess’ ragingly loud purrs, was a man with a beard— granted, a carefully groomed beard— and whose clothes were ripped apart so often by claws and so incredibly covered with cat hair that it was impossible to maintain the young-master aesthetic he once had.

Rumors said that Luo Binghe grew a beard once he realized the cats loved rubbing their faces against it. And seeing Luo Binghe now, tickling and kissing his cat’s fat stomach folds instead of listening to this crucial military conversation… Yeah, Mobei-jun totally believed those rumors.

“THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION HAS ARRIVED! I REPEAT IT! BOTH THE LADY OF DEATH AND LORD OF DESTRUCTION ARE HERE!!!!”

Oh god. Both of them. Mobei-jun began to seriously consider ways to escape the meeting room if those two cats continued to linger outside in the hallway after the conference.

He had seen the destructive pair of cats in the same room once. It was odd, he thought, that such identical cats could despise each other so much. They feuded with each other NON-STOP. And no matter how hard Luo Binghe tried to pacify them with treats and handmade toys, he was unable to break up the fight or stop them from screeching at each other like the existence of their sibling was an existential threat to themselves.

Thankfully, (thankfully for the cats, not the people) it seemed as if this rivalry and fighting was mostly playful and harmless— unless someone else got in the middle of it. On god, he would never forget it.

Luckily for all the generals within that meeting room, both of the troublesome cats had fled the scene of their massacre long before the meeting had ended.

“My Lord,” Mobei-jun had stayed behind after the rest of his colleagues had hastily left. “I have something I wish to discuss with you. It is a matter of importance— we must finalize the plans of this invasion.”

Luo Binghe was still fondling Princess’ fatty folds— occasionally leaning down to rub his beard on the white cat’s face. “Can you reschedule this issue to a later date? I’m currently busy with private matters.”

“I really insist, My Lord. This is of complete urgency. My own forces cannot sustain themselves for so long like this. We are making them camp away from home without stable supplies or resources to thrive. It would be better if we quickly decided on a date— and for it to be soon—”

“Well,” Luo Binghe looked Mobei-jun directly in the eyes— in a blink of an eye, the softness he had presented to his cats had melted away to reveal the Emperor who had murdered thousands to achieve his throne. “Even stupid dogs can obey simple orders like to sit and wait. Why can't you do the same? Are your warriors so incompetently weak as to be unable to follow my orders? Are they too foolish to simply wait? Or… is it you, Mobei-jun, who is the incompetent one?”

Mobei-jun felt the words choke in his throat. Sweat rolled down his spine, slowly.

It was strange, he thought, to still feel so fearful towards Luo Binghe. No matter what softness the Heavenly Demon used to cover up his demonic nature, he could never get rid of the fact that, at his core, he was a monstrous demon.

Deep down, Luo Binghe was an apex animal to be feared.

“I… I just desired to—”

“What the hell?!?!?” Luo Binghe was now staring at Princess’ fatty fat butt with concerned eyes.

Mobei-jun followed the Emperor’s eyes to the fur on Princess’ ass. On Princess' butt was a large and rather green stain that vividly contrasted its pure white fur.

“...”

“...”

“Where the hell did this stain come from…”

With that, Luo Binghe exited the room to give Princess an emergency bath.

Mobei-jun was left there in the empty meeting room— utterly stunned.

Ah... The Emperor had really changed a lot because of these cats— this was a sentiment everyone in the Palace would wholeheartedly agree with. As Luo Binghe’s right-hand man, Mobei-jun couldn’t help but agree with that the most.

The Ice Demon, as Luo Binghe's closest general, was the man who felt this effect the most.

“Mobei-jun?” A woman’s voice came after polite knocks on the meeting room door. Ning Yingying peered around the door frame. “Are you free to talk right now?”

Mobei-jun nodded politely. Whenever he was forced to interact with one of Luo Binghe’s wives, he always preferred Ning Yingying over others in the Harem. She was less power-hungry and less treacherous. She seemed content to simply exist with whatever situation she had with Luo Binghe. It was a motivation Mobei-jun could easily empathize with.

And like usual, Ning Yingying didn’t waste her time getting to the point. “I’m coming to you because… because I wish for you to talk to my Lord Husband. The Palace staff and the other wives have all come to me in hopes that I can convince my Lord Husband to fix this issue but… but I know, and have known for a long time, that my words have no effect on him.”

“Is that why you have come to me?” Mobei-jun sighed. “Since when have my words ever affected the Emperor? You are asking the wrong person.”

“Indeed, you are correct. But you are the most suitable person I could think of. Please, help me and the Palace residence convince Luo Binghe to control the cats!”

Mobei-jun felt something inside of him shatter. Was he really going to accept an offer to work overtime because of some cats?

But when screams once again resounded through the corridor and it dawned on both Ning Yingying and himself that— oh god— THE LADY OF DEATH was outside and they were now trapped in this meeting room…

“I will try my best, First Wife Ning.”

—--------------------------

Mobei-jun really REALLY hated working overtime.

But when Princess abruptly and loudly crashed through the ceiling during another important meeting and landed straight on Luo Binghe’s precious twin jewels…

The silence after Luo Binghe excused himself was almost palpable.

Mobei-jun saw one of his demon colleague’s eyes strain and go red with the power it took not to acknowledge the situation. Wouldn’t it be wonderful, Mobei-jun thought, if one of these very crucial and important military generals was executed for clarifying if the Emperor’s balls really just got crushed?

That would certainly be quite the unexpected hitch in his carefully made plans.

A very unwelcomed hitch.

"Is..." One brave general decided to sound his opinion out to his colleagues. "Is anyone worried that we won't get an heir anymore because of this incident?"

Certainly, having one's balls crushed by an anvil of a fat cat was terrible for one's fertility.

Nobody dared even look at each other in fear that the tension would break.

Even Mobei-jun kept his eyes firmly shut in hopes that this would all pass.

And pass it did— it passed and threw itself right into the violent gossip circles of the Imperial Palace.

“Did you know that—”

“Have you heard—”

“She told me that he said that—”

“General Mobei-jun!” One brave young woman stared at Mobei-jun with shiny and hopeful eyes. A crowd of hidden eavesdroppers lingered around them noticeably. “Is it possible to confirm something with you?”

He nodded patiently. It was rare for servants to talk to him. They usually avoided him out of respect or fear. It was something he didn't really mind, but it was also a reputation he didn't exactly want to perpetuate.

“Is it true that there won't be any heirs because Princess crushed the balls of our Lord Emperor—”

Mobei-jun walked away without hesitation.

This was terrible. He can’t work in this kind of environment where ANIMALS were overrunning the place!!!

This was NOT in his job description!

Yup! No matter WHAT he was going to fix this whole thing. He needed things to go back to normal if he wanted his sanity to return. If he was able to lessen the cats’ chaos or perhaps sequester them off to a portion of the Palace, then his job would be a MILLION times easier to do.

Surely.

But he understood that it was futile to bring this issue up with Luo Binghe. So instead, Mobei-jun decided to take it into his own hands and put his full effort and power into wrangling cats!

The first and MOST pressing issue occurred to him the day he was in the Palace bathrooms.

For some reason, all of the cats (excluding Princess) had the odd hobby of watching the Palace residents defecate.

It was quite an intense hobby as well.

Too intense.

“Just ignore them” is what Luo Binghe informed his staff to do in this situation. But how could someone ignore twelve sets of glowing yellow eyes piercing their soul as they were fighting for their life on the toilet?

Who knew that pooping was such an extreme sport?

There was only one toilet that the cats never ventured into— the one on the very opposite end of the Palace. And even though it was so far away, there was always a humongous line of both men and women waiting outside of it. Nobody was willing to turn a (somewhat) regular bodily function into a fight for life and death and cats.

But Mobei-jun didn’t want to wait in line with a bunch of servants. So he had always taken the gamble of using one of the regular bathrooms— only to always find that his gamble had failed.

He was fighting for his LIFE and there was an audience watching him do it with an unflinching passion.

A brown log fell into the toilet water with a humongous splash. The loud sound of it sent all twelve audience member’s tails and furs standing right up— one of them even having run away from fright and surprise.

“...”

This really wasn’t a good working environment.

“I heard from my parents that cats hate the loud sound of metal sheets. So if we place them over the floor, then the Lord Cats will surely avoid coming into the bathroom!” This is what a servant said to him.

And with that initial suggestion, Mobei-jun took charge and immediately ordered the purchase of a hundred thin metal sheets. If Luo Binghe noticed that the amount of gold in his treasury had gone surprisingly lower, then Mobei-jun was assured by the Palace staff that they would take care of it.

He didn’t stop to dig deep into how surprisingly competent the Palace staff were at fraud and embezzlement. It was, after all, outside his job description. And if he carefully hid this future scandal away from Luo Binghe's eyes, then he would never have to deal with it.

Surprisingly, the sheets of metal seemed to deter the cats quite effectively. A little bit too effectively. Upon touching the metal sheets and being scared by the sound, all thirteen cats had learned that the floor was a no-go.

However, the ceiling was metal-free, right?

A scream of shock rang out from the toilets— causing one of the urgent servants waiting in line to almost defecate in surprise. Having fallen from its perch in the vents above and into the poop-filled toilet water was THE MASTER OF EVIL. And THE MASTER OF EVIL was now running frantically around the Palace— still soaked in pee and poo water— and evading the hands of all the servants who so desperately wanted to keep this a secret from their boss.

Unfortunately, Luo Binghe noticed immediately.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

The servant’s ears bled imaginary blood as he was forced to bathe the usually polite MASTER OF EVIL.

Why on earth am I being punished? It’s not my fault the boss’ cat fell through the ceiling and into my toilet…

Luo Binghe got rid of all the metal sheets before another incident like this could happen again.

Whatever, Mobei-jun will put this issue aside and focus on another cat problem. Namely their newfound issue of playing and chasing each other in the Palace’s air vents. Before the toilet incident, the cats had never really entered the vents out of habit. But the metal sheets had forced them to rely on the ceiling and air vents to spy on people pooping. And now that they had experienced such an unparalleled experience of crawling around in dusty and enclosed areas— they could never go back.

And when they all started retreating to the vents to play, it was only a matter of time before one of them simply didn’t come back.

“You should have never forced them to go onto the ceiling and into the vents!” Luo Binghe sounded furious as he began bulldozing his own private quarters. Princess, the white cat, sat purring in a baby wrap tied around Luo Binghe’s chest.

Its fat fat face stared at Mobei-jun. Mockingly.

All he could do was silently bow to Luo Binghe in apology for this situation.

How was he supposed to know that THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE would bite a hole through the vents of Luo Binghe’s personal quarters and fall into the foundations of the mansion…

Luckily the issue was resolved quickly and only half of the walls had to be demolished before, surprise, THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE was once again retrieved and ALL air vents were sealed up extra tightly.

But they had tasted the freedom of crawling through building foundations and like a soon-to-be drug addict having their first high, there was absolutely no way of returning to the old ways of living.

“Mobei-jun, please help us retrieve THE PRINCESS OF DEATH from the ceiling vent… Us servants are too weak to do such a perilous task!”

He stared at the large black cat hanging by its claws from the ceiling, wondering how on earth he was supposed to do this.

Mobei-jun moved to stand underneath the cat who hung to the ceiling by its claws— its thin chicken-feet-like legs dangling above him.

Knowingly, THE PRINCESS OF DEATH hissed at him.

“...” Truly, THE PRINCESS OF DEATH deserved its moniker.

And then suddenly, Princess the white cat trotted its humongous frame into the room.

The ground shook with every step, its fatty fat flaps fluttered with every breath.

All in that room stared in awe and amazement at this (quite literally) larger-than-life cat.

Princess looked up to the ceiling— staring at his sister with slanted eyes that were too fat to open fully— and then it let out a low-pitched meow:

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Not only was it as large as a cow, but it also sounded like one!

The utter force of such a meow made the room’s foundations tremble. The powerful sound violently shook the walls and all who were enclosed in it— causing THE LADY OF DEATH to fall from the ceiling and land directly on Mobei-jun’s head.

Then, using the tall ice demon as a launching point, THE LADY OF DEATH abruptly dug her claws into his head and JUMPED—

“...” The Palace staff stared at Mobei-jun's mutilated body in horror as, meanwhile, THE LADY OF DEATH began to snuggle with her brother, Princess.

The white cat, content, now let out another loud “MOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

“...”

Mobei-jun had to go to the infirmary after that incident. Who knew that a cat’s claws were so deceptively sharp?

Ah... It was unacceptable to be hurt so much just because of a cat— an animal. It was even more unsuitable for pets to overrule a supposedly formal and proper Palace. It was ridiculous.

After speaking with the Palace animal doctor, there appeared to be an… an easy solution.

“Just trim their nails. Easy.”

Easy.

EASY.

Absolutely not.

Mobei-jun, being in a position of authority, had smartly used his power to place himself out of harm’s way. However, his subordinates didn’t have such a luxury.

But in the end, it didn't matter. Luo Binghe had put a stop to the nail-trimming idea, claiming it was “inhumane and unjust and—”

“But the Palace animal doctor said it was okay—”

“And anyone who is caught doing so to my prized possessions will be punished heavily.”

Okay. What the hell was this?

Really! What the hell??? Mobei-jun couldn’t handle this anymore!

Not only were the cats uncontrollable little bastards, but their owner— the most powerful being in the world— was UNWILLING or perhaps UNABLE to do anything to stop the little devils!

Why was this? Within Mobei-jun, frustration and furious rage at this malicious working environment gradually turned to genuine curiosity.

Why on earth was the Emperor so lenient and obsessed with some dirty animals? It would make sense if it was a woman (or even a man), but for a creature that couldn’t even talk? For some creature that would die in a scarce twenty years? For a creature who could never achieve the same emotional states or levels as people?

What was the point of investing so much time and effort in an animal?

There was only one way to find out, he supposed.

Walking into a random human pet store, Mobei-jun’s demonic aura quickly filled the store owner's heart with dread.

The store owner's mind raced with increasingly paranoid thoughts: Since when did he get involved with demons??? No. This had to be the work of his son! Yes, his son! That little BASTARD was always a troublesome kid who stuck his nose into places he didn’t belong in. First, it was the local gangs. Second, it was the local government. AND NOW IT WAS THE SADISTIC ICE DEMON KING OF THE—

“I would like to adopt one cat.”

The store owner felt a second away from peeing himself.

And like that, Mobei-jun had walked out of the store with a recently abandoned orange cat. It already had a name given to it by its original owners, “Fatty”, but Mobei-jun thought it was good to discard traces of the old life whenever beginning anew.

So he named the terrified little feline a proper name: Qinghua.

Qinghua was a quiet cat who often pooped in random places. The Palace animal doctor informed him it was because of… “fear”— but Mobei-jun thought it was a silly thing. He was the cat’s owner, why on earth would the animal fear him?

What a stupid animal. It can't see safety even if it punched it in the face.

A thing like this would never survive in the wild. It was a failure of an animal, destined to die.

And yet, Mobei-jun spent the better part of that day sitting at the end of his bed— waiting for the terrified orange feline to crawl out from under the bed and accept his peace offering of fresh fish. But the cat was so afraid of Mobei-jun that it hid there for three days without food or water. It was living in its own feces simply out of the fear of the ice demon waiting for him outside.

What a stupid animal.

But Mobei-jun didn’t stop waiting— never stopped holding out cat food— never stopped sitting as still as a statue in hopes that little Qinghua would stop being so afraid.

So on the fifth day, when the famished orange feline quietly crawled out of the darkness and began nibbling on the offered fish…

When the stupid little thing meowed and purred and nuzzled its nose into Mobei-jun’s ankles as if saying “thank you for being kind”...

As if saying "Thank you for loving me".

“You…” Mobei-jun felt his lips quiver imperceptibly. “You are welcome.”

“Meow.”

It was only when a servant burst into his quarters that Mobei-jun realized he had been playing with Qinghua for an entire afternoon— missing the very important meeting he had planned with Luo Binghe that day.

—------------------

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—”

“Princess!” Luo Binghe was completely appalled at Princess’ bad behavior! To think that the sweetest and least evil of all his cats would be such a bully!!!

Hidden behind Mobei-jun’s long legs, Qinghua shivered with such fright that the ice demon was getting seriously worried.

However, for some reason, Qinghua seemed to meow back quietly as if responding to Princess.

“Meow. Mew—”

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—”

“Meow! Meow meow meow meow meow!”

“MOOOOO. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

The two demons couldn’t stop watching it. It was impeccably entertaining— until fatty Princess lunged all his sixteen kilograms of body fat at Qinghua and the two adults were forced to break up the world’s slowest catfight.

Fatty vs less fatty— Luo Binghe was tempted to stand by and see which cat would win the fight. Would the folds of fat be a sufficient defense? Could such a fat cat run fast enough to catch up with a speedy scaredy-cat like Qinghua? Even Mobei-jun felt somewhat compelled to let the cats have their way with each other and see the result.

“MOOOOOO— MOOOOO— MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!”

When safely cushioned in the arms of their respective owners, the cats screamed at each other with such unbelievable violence and rage— and yet when they were put down on the ground, they seemed to be completely unwilling to actually fight each other in a physical fight…

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!”

“Doesn’t it appear as if Princess and Qinghua are arguing with each other like real people?”

Mobei-jun nodded with liveliness.

This was absolutely fascinating.

From that day onwards, the two demon kings had decided on regular weekly cat playdates for their own continued enjoyment.

—-----------------

When the cats had their fifth birthday, a terrifying thought suddenly dug itself into Luo Binghe’s mind like a poisonous parasite.

They have only known the world inside the Palace… But shouldn’t the cats be able to experience the outside world as well?

Luo Binghe had always put off letting his cats go outside. It was too dangerous, after all.

However, animals like cats only live for at most a scarce twenty years. Wouldn’t it be cruel to not let them feel the wind? The humid summer sun? The comforting coolness of a slight drizzle?

They only live for twenty years.

Twenty years at most…

He felt his heart twist with a pain he thought he had long abandoned— it hurt with guilt.

And so, Luo Binghe decided to commission thirteen cat harnesses.

After attaching half of the harnesses to his left arm and the other half to his right, the gang of cats (and one Heavenly Demon) set off for the outside world of the human realm—

But a single fart of the wind seemed to be loud enough to shake the cats with unspeakable terror and fear. It caused all but Princess (who was too fat) to suddenly dart in different directions. The utter strength of their terrified fleeing had violently pulled Luo Binghe in innumerable directions as if he was brutally quartered by horses.

Okay. Luo Binghe was a smart man, but maybe bringing all THIRTEEN cats outside at once wasn’t such a good idea. Whatever. He was overexcited to give all his kitties memorable adventures outside, who could blame him?

Maybe I’ll see how it goes with Princess first. It’d be good to make him walk some more, anyway. Princess is starting to get slightly overweight.

But Princess— as spoiled as he was— refused to walk a single step. The moment Luo Binghe put the XXXXL harness on the white feline, Princess just took one step forward, one step backward, and then flopped fatly on its fat side with its fat legs dangling in the air.

“Come on. Walk to me, little Princess. Do you want a treat?” But it was a futile effort. Princess huffed and puffed and lifted his head to stare at the high-quality handmade cat treat— only to lay its fatty head back down onto the soft grass.

Stupid. Luo Binghe could imagine Princess saying this right to his face. Princess was smiling at him with those fat cheeks— cheeks that made the cat appear to be mockingly smirking at its owner. Why would I walk to you when I already know that you’ll walk to ME and give me the treat no matter what!

Truly. Princess was too spoiled for a pet! Maybe a taste of the cruel outside world will help the fatty animal become more grateful!

But there really was no reasoning with a cat. Luo Binghe had already taken the day off and so, with a sigh, he put Princess in his baby wrap and tied it to his chest.

Princess burped loudly as he was handfed his treat.

And off they go! Luo Binghe was excited now! Princess’ only experience of the outside world was in those tragic moments of her birth, so the Demon Emperor had very carefully selected various viewing spots and events for Princess to look at— the first location even being near the now-regenerating village he found the kittens in.

(When he had informed Mobei-jun of his plans for the day, he thought he saw something within the Ice Demon shatter slightly. He could see a battle of great mental struggle emerge from Mobei-jun’s mind before, with a sigh, Mobei-jun agreed to do some more unpaid time off to cover for Luo Binghe’s day off.)

First on the itinerary was to show off his AMAZING and OVERPOWERED abilities to Princess! Luo Binghe had been bullied so much by his own cats that he figured a show of strength would (somewhat) put them in their place! They were animals, after all, and animals would definitely follow the hierarchy of strength, right?

The Demon Emperor could almost TASTE the greatness of the future he had planned! Wow! A future without being constantly clawed to death by THE PRINCESS OF DEATH or THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION! A future where Princess wouldn’t order him around so much with that fat smile! Wow! Wow! Wow!

What a dream!

This was the thought that infected Luo Binghe’s mind with pride as he found his first monster to kill— a strange vine plant whose green branches darted from the woods and straight toward Luo Binghe.

Huh. Luo Binghe dodged a vine and began drawing a spare blade he had brought (the cat wouldn’t survive Xin Mo’s demonic aura). I’ve never seen this monster before.

How strange.

But that was no issue! After all, Luo Binghe was the Lord of The Three Realms. If there was something he excelled in, it would undeniably be combat!

On his chest, Princess’ fatty blobby body began shifting and squishing with the force of Luo Binghe’s fast dodges. It felt as if Luo Binghe had attached a massive half-empty barrel of water to his chest that was sloshing around with his every move. Princess was so plump that Luo Binghe had to balance himself so he didn’t fall over.

When a vine suddenly split itself into two and began firing projectiles, Princess was so fat that Luo Binghe felt an instantaneous feeling of weightlessness as the baby wrap was suddenly torn by the ranged attack.

He felt the exact moment when Princess fell off his chest and landed directly into the line of fire.

And when Luo Binghe put himself into harm’s way to protect his beloved pet— when he turned back to check if Princess was hurt in the fall—

Princess had already run away.

—------------------------------

How does someone call for a deaf cat to return?

Luo Binghe sprinted through the woods.

His breath was boiling in his chest. His lungs heaved the exhaustion of running, searching, looking— praying. But no matter how long his eyes darted around the forest for white fur, Princess was nowhere to be found.

What if I bring out the snack he loves the most? Will the smell bring him back?

He held the bag of treats tightly. He carried them, he shook them— but after hours of searching, he realized it was futile. Princess wouldn't smell and track down the treat bag. But Luo Binghe could smell the soft scent of his beloved kitty’s fur, still clinging onto the treat bag the kitty loved to rub his head against.

Breaking an emergency talisman, Luo Binghe had summoned Mobei-jun to his side. And without even acknowledging his right-hand man, he had already barked out his orders for him. “Princess is missing! Look for him! I don’t care what it costs— just find him!”

It’s only been a couple of hours. It's only been a couple of hours. Princess will be around here. He couldn’t have gotten far away. He will still be here. He couldn't have run so far away. He’ll still be here— He’ll still be here— He’ll be nearby. He’ll be hiding. I just need to find him.

But then an hour had passed without a single tuft of white fur being found. It was hard to track down an ordinary animal when they had exclusively been trained to detect spiritual or demonic creatures.

Princess will be in a ditch… Or maybe he fell over and couldn’t get himself up!

The thought made him stop.

It made him scared.

But what if Princess DID fall over? What if he can’t get back up?

Luo Binghe’s eyes darted to both the tree branches above and the dirt below him. However, his precious cat was still left in the unknown of the forest. Princess was still missing.

What if he fell somewhere dangerous? Princess isn’t a violent cat like the others! He can’t defend himself even if he wants to! He can’t move quickly— he’s too loud to sneak around dangerous opponents—

Dangerous opponents. Luo Binghe blinked out the sweat from his right eye. I brought him to a forest full of monsters. There will be monsters around. How will Princess fight back against them without me?

Then, six hours had passed.

There was no sign of Princess.

How will Princess survive such a dangerous place?

Then, nine hours had passed.

Mobei-jun returned to Luo Binghe’s side. “We couldn’t find him. We will continue to look further.”

Look for him— Look for him— LOOK FOR HIM— Princess is weak. Princess is deaf. Princess is deaf. He wouldn’t be able to hear anything coming.

He wouldn’t be able to hear all the dangerous things around him. He meows loudly— he’ll be killed immediately— he’ll be eaten and—

Luo Binghe remembered that night five years ago in that massacred village. He remembered spotting a recently pregnant cat under a merchant’s ruined cart.

He remembered reaching down to pet it.

He remembered how cold it was.

Princess won’t survive without me…

He remembered how it lay there— forgotten.

Cold.

Will I ever get to hear his loud purrs again?

“My Lord…”

His warmth… will I ever feel it again?

“My Lord.” Mobei-jun appeared next to Luo Binghe without him noticing. “We have already been searching this area for almost a month.”

Will I ever feel Princess nuzzle into my neck once more?

Mobei-jun stood there silently.

The woods are cold at night. Will he ever be warm again?

Mobei-jun shifted slightly to get his attention.

Death is cold. Will he be alone in the afterlife?

Will there be a body to bury?

“My Lord!” Mobei-jun stared at the earth— not knowing how he should approach the situation.

I still have treats for him at home. I made so many for him.

Only a short while ago, Luo Binghe had dreamed of a future where his cats would never again bully him— a future where Princess wouldn’t order him around so much…

How was he supposed to obtain that kind of thing if Princess was missing?

That day when the tiny white and deaf kitten screamed at him with such love in his eyes— that day when he uncovered the source of that meow from under the corpse of its mother— that day when his life changed forever with happiness—

How could a cat do this to him… How could an animal give him so much joy— so much reason for living— and yet leave him so suddenly without even saying goodbye?

“What the hell…” Luo Binghe spoke so quietly that Mobei-jun didn’t hear him.

“My Lord, as I have said before, we must return to the Palace. We’ve been searching for over a month. You must go back now.”

“What the hell…” He said this a little louder, hoping that someone— anyone— everyone— would hear it.

Mobei-jun stayed silent for a second. Then, with more force in his voice, the Ice Demon continued to—

“I SAID WHAT THE HELL!!! WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL!!!”

The forest was quiet but all Luo Binghe wanted to hear was that fatty’s loud meow— that fatty’s stupid stupid STUPID—

“I HATE IT!” Luo Binghe couldn’t feel his skin. He couldn’t feel his face. “I HATE IT! I HATE THIS! I HATE IT ALL!”

A demonic aura leaked uncontrollably from Luo Binghe’s forehead— his eyes— rage was dripping from his eyes— he couldn’t feel his own soul.

“WHY! Are you stupid or are you incompetent!?” The Heavenly Demon’s eyes— eyes that overflowed with murderous intent— stared at Mobei-jun with promises of death. “Are you so goddamn USELESS that you can’t find A SINGLE CAT! I should kill you for this! I’ll kill you for this! I’LL KILL YOU FOR THIS YOU BASTARD!”

Mobei-jun simply stood there, pinned down by both Luo Binghe’s rage and his own responsibility. He thought that this would be the best decision— to simply be there for his Lord.

But to Luo Binghe, any decision— any life— was the wrong one if it didn’t include the kitty he had so lovingly raised from birth.

“WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE!? Go look for him! LOOK FOR HIM! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! I don’t care how long it takes— LOOK FOR HIM YOU USELESS SCUM—”

“Princess is already dead.”

Luo Binghe felt his throat constrict.

He couldn't breathe.

“An indoor cat like Princess could never survive for even a day out in a forest like this. Even if you culled the whole population of these woods, all you’ll find is his half-digested corpse. Luo Binghe, it’s time to go back. We can’t waste so much time looking for just an animal. You have work to do.”

“Just an animal? I have work to do?” Luo Binghe was stunned. He was so stunned that he couldn’t feel how his feet were bleeding with the strain of sprinting for a month. He was so stunned that— that— he was so stunned that— “I have work to do? I HAVE WORK TO DO??? I… I have work… I have… I have to go to work…”

Luo Binghe felt the air escape from his lungs. “But what if Princess shows up the moment I go back to work? What if he shows up the day after I leave? What if Princess believes that I’ve abandoned him to die…?”

“You are an adult, My Lord. You understand that animals cannot think that way.”

“But what if he does? What if he thinks I hate him…”

Mobei-jun stayed silent.

There was nothing more to say. Luo Binghe had already been convinced of the truth a long time ago.

“What if he thinks that I don’t love him? What if he thinks that I hate him and left him to die? If I stop looking for him, will he think that he isn’t loved? Will he think that I don’t want him anymore?”

“But… But I want him… I want him back! I WANT HIM BACK!”

Luo Binghe was numb. He couldn’t feel anything beyond the pain of something being torn away from him. It was something precious. And that most treasured thing had been taken away from him no matter how much he reached and scratched and begged to keep it.

He couldn’t feel anything. And yet, he still felt the warmth of rage and hatred and injustice drip down his face uncontrollably.

He saw his tears drop to the grass below.

Could Princess sense my sorrow? He wondered if such a thing was enough to make him come back.

He wondered if it wasn't.

“I just want him to come home. Is that so much to ask for? Am I allowed to have anything in this life? Am I not allowed to keep anything!? I want him to come home… I want him to eat well… I want him to sleep peacefully without worry…”

“I want to hold him again…”

—-----------------

His wives sent him extravagant gifts in hopes that his mood would improve.

Most of them dance or sing or play music for him— always upbeat music, always music, always happy. And why wouldn’t it be happy? Luo Binghe had already murdered one of his generals for speaking in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong things to say. The general’s body was mutilated and devoured by Xin Mo and none of the Palace staff could take their eyes away from the murder.

He kept the body out in the sunlight for days so the others could be warned.

And perhaps the Palade residents thought that it was a matter of time before everyone in the Palace would become a victim of being at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong things to say.

Some of his generals do other things to cheer him up. They request idiotic things so that Luo Binghe would be forced to walk around or go outside. They make him entertain various issues in the harem in hopes he would be distracted.

Others sit on his lap, play with his hair, stroke his beard, push up their breasts to his chest— reach into his trousers to touch— in hopes that perhaps a little bit of pleasure would return him to normal.

They do it all with the hope that he would just forget about it.

“It was just a pet, after all. There was no need to be so dramatic about it.” This was what Luo Binghe overheard the general say that day. This was what he killed him for.

He killed him because they all wanted him to just forget about it.

They wanted him to forget about it.

They wanted him to forget.

They wanted him to FORGET—

“...”

There was a white kitten in his throne room.

It meowed quietly.

“My Lord.” One of his wives bowed.

There was a white kitten in her hands.

The wife swallowed loudly. “My Lord… I wish to… I wish— I wish to gift this to you.”

There was a white kitten.

“My Lord, I… I— I just wish— to make you feel better. I— wish to gift this to My Lord in hopes that he can be happy— that My Lord can start anew with happiness— so My Lord can forget his sorrows—”

There was a white kitten.

And it was not Princess.

It was not the animal that pretended to love him the most because he fed it well.

It was not the animal that snuggled up to him all those years ago solely in search of food and shelter and warmth.

It was not the precious creature that he loved more than life itself.

He felt numb with the unfairness of it all.

And it was perhaps this numbness that made him ignore— no, allowed him to ignore— how Xin Mo materialized in his right hand, how the room filled with crimson intent, how his own mind went willingly blank with rage.

“…”

After that, the wives understood not to bother Luo Binghe anymore.

Nobody wanted to go down as the second wife murdered by Luo Binghe. They had all learned their lessons. They had all learned their place— their place as less worthy than an animal that lived for only five years.

As for the white kitten— it was barely smaller than Luo Binghe’s palm. It was born recently. It was born with more time to live. Perhaps it was born with a longer lifespan than Princess.

But when Luo Binghe awoke from his willed blindness of rage— when he turned around to see what happened to the disgusting white kitten that tried to replace Princess—

The kitten was…

It was…

Of course. Some of his generals could barely withstand Xin Mo— let alone Luo Binghe’s pure and unleashed aura.

Of course, the tiny thing (just smaller than the palm of his hand) had been torn into a puddle of flesh. It didn’t have much fur to begin with (it was so small), but white still dotted its minced corpse like lonely snow falling upon a long-lost battlefield.

It still wasn’t Princess.

Luo Binghe scooped the thing up in his hands. When chopped up so finely, the kitten was around half the size of his palm.

It was so small.

It was smaller than what Princess used to be.

…

Luo Binghe ran away.

—-------------------------------

The remaining twelve black cats joined Luo Binghe in his self-imposed prison, the Cold Palace. No matter what, they would never be afraid of their owner who so painstakingly raised them with freedom and happiness— who soaked clean white cloths in milk and made them suck on it to feed them.

Luo Binghe watched the cats play around the Cold Palace. His eyes followed THE LADY OF DEATH and THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION chasing each other and fighting violently and intensely.

He really did give them such stupid names, huh.

Princess’ tombstone lay in his garden next to its mother. Despite using the best materials and even carving it himself, the tombstone was made silly and stupid by the name that was etched on it— Princess.

It looked ridiculous.

It was ridiculous.

The grave appeared just as ridiculously grandiose and plumply mocking as Princess was in life. It was jeering at him— a grave that cost thousands of gold coins just for an animal who did not understand anything beyond comfort and structured feeding times.

It was a superficial thing. It was a grave made only to comfort himself. An animal would not benefit at all from this.

He was like a child being comforted with false lies and pretty promises— a little kid being told that their cat could speak and understand human language. A naive baby being told their cat’s soul was strong enough to exist after death— that it would be lovingly watching their every move. He was a child who believed that their cat loved them exactly in the way another human would.

It was a grave that laughed at all the mature power and strength he had spent his life trying to maintain— a maturity that protected him up to this very moment.

It was a grave that mocked him like Princess’ fat smile.

And yet, Luo Binghe couldn’t look away from the animal’s foolish tombstone.

“...”

He thought about how ridiculous some stupid lazy animal managed to change his life so much.

“...”

This is stupid.

“...”

How long do cats live for?

“...” THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE pranced over to her owner who sat on the cold floor with blank eyes. She sniffed his knee before rubbing her face on it. Then, she began to climb into his lap, like always.

Even the healthiest of cats live to around twenty years old. But what is twenty years to an immortal whose life spans hundreds of years? Even for a regular human, twenty years is too short…

THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE stood on its hind legs— reaching up to rub the top of its head on the bearded bottom of Luo Binghe’s chin. Luo Binghe didn’t move. He barely even breathed. He let the little saintess do whatever she pleased.

For how long will these kittens be with me?

Then after enough beard scratches, THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE settled into a circular form to nap. In the whole Palace, no matter where he was, their beloved Luo Binghe’s lap was the best and warmest spot. The black kitty couldn’t imagine a life without the warmth of its caretaker— of its beloved human.

This is what Luo Binghe assumed as he stared at the precious cat sleeping peacefully in his lap.

The kittens I’ve raised are already five years old. They’ve become so old without me noticing. It really went by in the blink of an eye…

He began petting THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE.

The little girl began purring.

Five years in a blink of an eye… I wonder… How many more blinks will it take for my kittens to all abandon me?

How many more meows— how many more breaths of air— how many times will they meow at me for their meals before their life runs out?

After finishing her fight with her brother, THE LADY OF DEATH walked over to her beloved human. She licked his finger and reached up to play with his beard like always.

She was Princess’ favorite sibling. They were the closest pair. They loved to cuddle with each other.

Luo Binghe wondered who she would cuddle with now that Princess was gone.

Will she be cold when she sleeps alone?

The cat with the stupid name rubbed the side of her head into his face— wiping away the tears that Luo Binghe didn’t realize had fallen.

They’re just cats. Cats. They’re animals. Every morsel of emotion from these animals was a figment of his imagination. It was all just random coincidences that his mind assumed were real feelings. And if they weren’t coincidences, then the kitties were just mindlessly copying human movements for treats and food.

They’re just animals. Stupid and weak. They’re creatures that will die before him.

Wasn’t it silly?

Wasn’t it so idiotically stupid that the only beings in existence who Luo Binghe believed loved him were animals that could never truly love him back? Wasn’t it so goddamn terrible that the only things that he loved truly were animals that would die before him?

They will die before him…

The stupid Heavenly Demon kissed the forehead of the stupid cat with a stupid name— his precious pet— the one he will love no matter what…

He kissed its little nose.

—---------------------

Five years had passed since Princess was lost to the woods.

The kittens were now ten years old.

Mobei-jun’s workload has remained terrible (as always). But thankfully, a gang of misbehaving cats was no longer a major part of his issues.

However, he was forced by a VERY adamant Emperor to plan out massive parades and celebrations for the kittens’ annual birthday festivities. Why were they so grand? Well beyond the Emperor’s general obsession with his cats, he also deemed that it was unsuitable to treat the kitten’s birthdays as one singular event. Nope. They had to treat each kitten with the utmost respect— meaning thirteen simultaneous birthday parties each year.

Thirteen birthday parties. It was one for each cat— including the white and deaf one that died some years ago.

Those years ago…

Ah… Mobei-jun was happy enough to DANCE that Luo Binghe decided to NOT execute him during that period of mourning. The moment he managed to ship the Emperor back to his Palace, Movie-jun IMMEDIATELY sent in his notice to use ALL of his vacation days for the next two months.

Yeah. No way was he going to deal with that kind of Luo Binghe especially when he had his own cat back home to take care of. Speaking of which, Qinghua was growing well— especially horizontally in its midsection.

Luckily, Mobei-jun had learned from his boss’ errors and made Qinghua go on a diet immediately. There was absolutely no way that he was going to become some cat-obsessed maniac like Luo Binghe! Nope! No cat was going to walk all over him! Qinghua had his place in the hierarchy and it was very much below Mobei-jun!

(Qinghua’s sweet little cries of hunger almost broke the Ice Demon. But he stayed STRONG!!!)

In any case, things were calming down when it came to cat-related issues. The cats were largely too old to do childish things like fight each other or chase servants down corridors or drop trap people or send foreign emissaries to the infirmary—

But unfortunately for all in the Palace, the felines still loved to watch people struggle for their life on the toilet.

Unlucky— this is what Mobei-jun thought as he sat on the porcelain throne, staring at the multitude of staring cats who all awaited excitedly for the sound of poop to excitedly plop into the water.

Will age ever break this horrible habit? All in the Palace wished for this during their birthdays.

But apart from this quite major problem, the cats were now calmer and less destructive— less feared and hated like they were when they were younger. It seemed like, with age, the kitties had become beloved by all (except for those who were currently on the toilet). They were especially loved during those rare moments when a cat (usually THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE) crawled into a servant’s lap to take a nap. Whenever that happened, it was a mutual understanding and agreement that all of the servant’s duties would be taken care of by others.

After all, this kind of occurrence was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Who would dare waste such a thing?

—-------------------------

Another five years had passed. The cats were now fifteen years old.

Despite being five minutes away from the best animal doctor in the realms and eating the most nutritious foods, the cats seemed to be doomed to unhealthiness.

No amount of healthcare could cure the genetic illnesses that plagued these kitties.

One day, without warning, THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION had become uncharacteristically reclusive. And the next day, a Palace servant had found his body under the porch in the Emperor’s personal garden. The kitty had seemed so lively and playful and… so normal that Luo Binghe couldn’t believe what the messenger had told him.

He couldn’t believe it. He absolutely couldn’t believe such a thing.

The kitty he had raised— the kitty that had appeared so healthy two days ago— someone… someone must’ve assassinated it.

It must be a deliberate attack on Luo Binghe.

The death felt like nothing but a deliberate attack on Luo Binghe.

Without even seeing the kitty’s corpse, Luo Binghe had demanded a full Palace lockdown— ordering for everyone and anyone to be searched for poison or any edible materials fatal to cats.

But before the lockdown could be finished, the animal doctor had knelt to the Emperor and spoken. “My Lord, I have examined the corpse. There is no assassination.”

Luo Binghe felt Xin Mo crawl into his hand— begging to be used to kill such an idiotic bastard— was the doctor the assassin? Was it him? Is that why he’s being so unfair? Is that why he’s lying about such an obvious attack on his Emperor? Is that why—

“My Lord! There really is no assassin! I examined the corpse. The… THE LORD OF DEATH had died from issues with his internal organs. Cats— Cats are good at hiding ailments. They never show signs of illness until the major symptoms have already appeared. And considering none of the servants have ever seen any symptoms… the cat must’ve been hiding them until its final moments.”

Seeing as the Emperor was calming down slightly, the veterinarian felt it was safe to continue his explanation. “It’s a genetic issue— an issue that has to do with their hearts. I… I think that THE LORD OF DEATH overworked his heart and caused himself to… to…”

“Is.” Luo Binghe felt weightless. His stomach felt like it was going to rise. He felt sick— so sick— he wished that it was him who was sick and not the cats.

“Is. There. A. Cure.”

Silence.

The veterinarian was too afraid to speak.

“My Lord, there is no cure. We… We can only make them as comfortable as possible— and make sure they aren’t too active.”

Make sure they aren’t too active? HA! What a joke! WHAT A JOKE! They were nothing BUT active!

How was he supposed to help them?

What was he supposed to do?

Could Luo Binghe really do nothing but watch them die before their time?

“There is nothing you can do for them, My Lord. I believe for the sake of everyone, including the felines, it is best for you to return to regular daily life.”

To return to daily life?

To go back to his job and sit there like a good slave?

To go back to work and just… forget about it?

Is that the only solution?

Is that truly how he should live his life?

“...”

Nobody had an answer. All they could tell him was that it was just a pet.

It wasn’t a real person.

(So, therefore, he must go back to work.)

“...”

He buried THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION right next to Princess and their mother.

And in the span of a couple of years, twelve cats turned into eleven— then into ten, and then nine, and then eight, and then seven.

One by one, they began to die without hesitation.

THE MASTER OF EVIL’s body had failed him during a freezing winter day. It left him alone in the cold for days before Luo Binghe found him half-eaten by the crows.

What was left of him was buried next to his siblings.

THE SAINTESS OF SACRIFICE’s heart had failed her as she was napping in Luo Binghe’s lap. He never dared to move whenever a cat decided to sleep on him. And so, he had only realized she was gone when her body became too cold.

He had only realized what had happened when he put his hand down to stroke his fur— and felt that freezing stillness within her.

He buried her too.

And he buried another kitty.

And another.

And another.

And another.

When the older servants in the Palace were telling tales of the horrifying and brutal Reign of the Kitties over ten years ago, the younger servants would laugh and shake their heads with utter disbelief.

“No way are these cats able to do that! Have you seen them? I can’t believe those old cats could do such a thing in their youth!”

It was a believable opinion. Even when ignoring their illnesses, they were much too old to run around fighting with each other or beating up servants.

They barely ran in general— preferring to meow and order a couple of servants to carry them to wherever they needed to go (usually to Luo Binghe’s private quarters).

Instead of inflicting both physical and psychological trauma on the Palace staff, they now preferred to sleep in strange places— in stairways, in buckets, in cooking pots (the staff had to be really careful when using cooking pots now) and anywhere they could cram their bodies into. It appeared as if so many years of violence had sucked away their energy and all they could afford to do now was sleep idly and peacefully.

On some days, it felt as if there weren’t any cats in the Palace at all. It was as if the kitties were nothing more than a dream they had all already awakened from.

(It was the first time in over a decade that someone in the Palace lavatories could take a dump alone.)

But despite that, all still celebrated the thirteen same-day birthday festivals each year. To the older folks, it was seen as a reminder of the Emperor’s kindness and generosity to both his subjects and his precious pets. To the younger children, it was viewed as the best holiday of the entire year.

It was stupid, Luo Binghe thought, to immortalize his precious little kittens as not important figures of respect but rather as funny characters of stories that parents retold to their kids— funny characters of songs sung by the young and that the children made paper caricatures of (making sure that THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION had EXTRA large claws).

It was idiotic. It was silly.

And yet, within his garden, mocking tombstones with ridiculous names stood tall. It was a truly terrible thing to see the Emperor’s private garden being turned into a graveyard— but when one made eye contact with the stupid names written on the stones, all the horrible feelings within would suddenly pause to turn into a stupid kind of happiness.

A graveyard for only animals with stupid-looking tombstones with stupid names! How wonderful!

—-------------------------

Another five years had passed. The kittens he had once saved from underneath a merchant’s ruined cart were now twenty years old.

There were no more troublesome cats prowling the corridors and harming all living creatures.

There were no more cats.

Only THE LADY OF DEATH remained. But she was too frail to walk— too old to live without pain.

“It is best, My Lord, if you let her go.” The doctor placed a vial of liquid into Luo Binghe’s palm (a palm that Princess could once fit into so snuggly). “This will help her sleep. Please feed it to her when you are ready to let her go.”

Luo Binghe held the vial gently in his palm— staring at its reddish color with blank, empty eyes.

He wondered if it was best for him to be doing this.

It was the best for the cat, of course. He didn’t want his remaining little kitten to suffer so much anymore. Her joints had eroded with time, her eyes had gone dull with blindness, and her teeth had partially rotted away and been removed.

This was the best option for her.

And yet…

Luo Binghe saw his own reflection in the red liquid.

And yet…!

And yet I feel so bad. I feel like I’ve been wronged. I feel…

Why do I feel like it’s the worst decision for ME?!

Why… Why do my kittens keep dying one after another— why won’t they ever care about how I feel?

Truly, they were only silly animals without control over their own minds and bodies.

And truly, Luo Binghe was nothing more than a silly creature— a stupid child crying over the death of an animal that he believed was like a human.

“...” Luo Binghe turned away from the doctor. He walked off.

“...”

The date for THE LADY OF DEATH’s last day was chosen.

Luo Binghe had decided to take the day off from work.

There were thirteen graves in his garden— all full except for the tombstone with the name Princess carved into the rock. He had already commissioned the final grave to be made. There will be fourteen graves soon.

He wondered if there would ever be a grave for himself. He hoped it would be laid next to his precious kittens.

Luo Binghe held her tightly in his arms— she purred despite the pain in her bones.

Then, like any other day, he placed the kitty gently onto his lap to feed. THE LADY OF DEATH allowed herself to be maneuvered. She was too old to fight back against anything that annoyed her now.

Luo Binghe stared blankly at the food he had prepared for her.

Will this really be the last time he cooked for his kittens?

The cat food was red with poison— a poison that would carry her gently into another life where she could cuddle with Princess and chase THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION for eternity.

Like the others, she would go to another life where Luo Binghe couldn’t follow.

The kitty ate the food without hesitation. She trusted her precious human so much that she didn’t spit out or make a face at how strange her usually delicious food tasted.

Luo Binghe imagined that she trusted the food because she knew it was Luo Binghe who was feeding her.

And because she loved him.

“I’m sorry, my little lady.” Luo Binghe held her tightly to his chest— he let her feel how his chest pounded with breath and the sorrow of being alive. He let her feel his anguish because he knew no one else would.

“I’m sorry! I’m— I’m sorry the food tastes weird today! I wanted your last meal to be tasty! I wanted it to be good…” Luo Binghe wanted to feel numb. But at this moment, all he could feel was the unending pain of being left behind.

“I promise! I promise you’ll feel better after today! I swear upon my life that you’ll see your siblings again soon! You’ll regain your energy to play with them! You’ll become so lively that you will start terrorizing people again like when you were younger!”

Luo Binghe felt her body go cold. He felt the purr of her chest become quiet and still.

“My sweet kitten… Wherever you go, I promise, you will be loved.”

—---------------------------

Am I allowed to feel anything?

Luo Binghe wasn’t so sure how to answer that question. After all, he had to go back to work tomorrow.

Today was the final day off from work he could afford to take. Any more and he would cause both his subordinates and future self to suffer great consequences.

After all, they were just animals. Pets. He knew— he understood very clearly— that their deaths weren't a good enough excuse.

And yet, fourteen tombstones filled his garden.

And yet, here he was standing in a vibrant village that was once decimated twenty years ago. Luo Binghe stood there next to his memories of a merchant’s ruined cart.

Wasn’t it strange how quickly people could adapt to pain? It took a mere twenty years for a village that was devoured by monsters to forget about its past— to spring back to life and maintain an even more prosperous existence.

And it was supposed that Luo Binghe would take a couple of days off, maybe a week, for him to forget about the past. To forget about it all and spring back into a bureaucratic liveliness as if he had never felt sorrow.

To spring back with productivity like the little kittens he had raised from birth had never been born at all.

The street where the merchant’s cart had been was paved over. A house now stood on top of its location— covering up any sign of the kittens’ birthplace irreversibly.

Without thinking, Luo Binghe knocked on the door of the house.

Silence. Not even the shifting of clothes could be heard.

He knocked again.

Silence.

He banged on the door once more.

Silence.

It seemed like nobody was home.

“...”

Luo Binghe opened the door anyway to let himself in. Ordinary hinges and locks could not withstand the strength of the Emperor of The Three Realms. It was futile for the door to resist.

But still, in defiance of such a great foe, the door hinge began to squeal with rust as it opened up to—

"HIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"

Luo Binghe was karate-kicked across the face by a catboy.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU STUPID THIEF BASTARD oh wait you’re the Emperor…” The catboy’s eyes went wide with utter shock. “YOU’RE THE EMPEROR??? LUO BINGHE???”

Kicked to the ground like a dummy, Luo Binghe didn’t even consider getting up from his lying position on the floor and fighting back.

Luo Binghe was stunned.

Bamboozled.

“AAAAAH WHAT THE HELL!!!! GET UP! Are you dying??? I’m sorry!!! Please don’t execute me!!! I thought you were a thief! A thief! Put that on the written records— it was unintentional!!!”

Luo Binghe continued to lay there— prone and—

OOMPH!

The catboy, in a MASSIVE panic thinking that the Emperor’s heart had stopped because of him, had suddenly begun doing CPR on him. And he did this by stomping on Luo Binghe’s chest. Violently.

“STOP IT!” Luo Binghe finally got up and glared at the young man. “Stop it! I’m not dead!”

“Thank GOD!” The catboy looked like he was going to burst into tears. “Ah… Do you want something as an apology? I have… uh… I have some wooden trinkets? Or maybe I can cook for you— actually, never mind…”

Perhaps Luo Binghe, the illustrious Emperor with more money than he could imagine, had rather high expectations for living spaces. But upon staring at the damp and dark and simple and dusty and— goodness, Luo Binghe’s eyes latched onto the kitchen space, god it was pathetic.

Why was there only one bag of rice and no ingredients? Who eats nothing but rice?

Awful.

Luo Binghe patted the dust from his clothes and hurriedly tried to make his way out. “I… I don’t need anything.” Nothing from this terrible dump of a house, at least. “I’m sorry for intruding on your property. I’ll leave now—”

“WAAAAAIT!!!!”

Luo Binghe turned back to stare at the strange man. It was only now (with the haze of shock blinding him a bit less than before) that he realized the man had cat ears and a long fluffy tail— all pure white in color.

Am I dreaming? Luo Binghe felt dizzy. Cat Demons like this don’t exist in the human realm. They don’t exist in general! They’re rare— too rare to see in a place like this—

“Ah, My Lord, don’t leave just yet! I just— I thought… I thought I’d never see you again!”

The cat-man creature smiled brightly at him before speaking loudly and proudly.

“Princess— your fatty white cat— he’s still alive!”

“What..?” Luo Binghe wondered if he was being conned right now. Maybe it was some kind of new insurance scam. “Princess was a cat— not a cat demon or any other creature. He was a regular cat. Regular cats can’t survive in monster-ridden woods. And even if he did, cats can’t live for this long! Also! Princess was deaf!”

“You’re quite dramatic about cats, you know?” The catboy continued to speak. “I thought you would believe me immediately! And I wasn't deaf. I was just too lazy to respond to sounds.”

Am I dreaming? I MUST be dreaming. Am I going insane? Am I hallucinating? Will I wake up soon to see that I’ve slept on my desk from exhaustion? Will I awake from my work nap to see that I had dreamt these past twenty years—

“Hey!” The white cat grabbed Luo Binghe’s numbed hands with an intense sharpness that shook him. “Listen to me when I’m talking to you!”

Luo Binghe’s eyes were still blank with disbelief. “You’re just a fantasy. A daydream I’ve made because I’m going insane by caring so much about a bunch of dead animals.”

“This isn’t a fantasy, stupid.” Then with a flicker of his white ears and a swoosh of his tail, the catboy smiled at him and began to transform back into his feline form.

“This really isn’t a dream. The proof’s right here! I’m your fatty little cat, aren’t I?”

“...” Luo Binghe could only stare at the white cat standing proudly on the floor. It wasn’t as fat as it used to be— but the way its face seemed to smile, the shape of its eyes…

“But… But Princess never came back. He ran away. He was eaten by monsters…”

“Yup, I should’ve been. But I wasn’t. Did you know that demonic forests are full of so many wonderful magics and herbs? Stumbling around a bit, any human would accidentally brush against a plant that transforms them or makes them feverish with illness. It is a natural trap designed to incapacitate humans so that the plants around them could devour the body and let bloody nutrients seep into the soil.”

The catboy continued to speak as his body shifted. “But when a cat with a good nose encounters them… Well, it was quite easy to differentiate and eat the most beneficial plants for my situation.”

Princess began to transform back into a human catboy. “I ate a plant and transformed myself into a human. And then I was chased by monsters until I managed to escape the woods. By then, I was lost and made my way to the nearest village for help.”

“By the time I went searching for my precious owner, you had already gone back to your work in the Palace. I ended up alone in the village for a long time trying to make a life for myself.”

“Then I really did abandon you…” Luo Binghe felt something shatter within him. “I really did leave you to die…”

“You left me alone. But I wasn’t abandoned. I wasn’t left behind to die! After all, I had memories of the Palace— memories of being cared for!”

“Within me were memories of always and forever being loved. And it was enough for me to keep going.”

“This…” Luo Binghe found it unbelievable. Simply loving and being loved was never enough for anything. “This is ridiculous— stupid— idiotic— silly. This is so stupid.”

“I know. It’s stupid that just knowing I was loved was enough for me. I didn’t need you to take me back. With those stupidly grand yearly birthday festivals and the silly little stories about cats and funny names and funny graves— I didn’t need anything else to live happily for the rest of my existence.”

The young cat-man’s eyes shone. “Even if you don’t love me anymore, my heart will still beat with happiness at the knowledge I was loved.”

“It was enough.”

“But…” Luo Binghe could barely think. “But what about me? What about your human who had to watch you and your siblings die over and over again… and mourn them as if they never existed— and as if never will ever exist again!? For them to all leave me without even saying goodbye! Even if my cats are happy, won’t living like this drive me to despair?”

The catboy paused for a moment. And then he smiled kindly. “I think it would drive anyone to despair. But even so, I think it’ll be okay. After all, your cats love you.”

“Even if it was merely an animal’s imitation of human interactions— even if it’s simply a misunderstanding and coincidence. To you, they felt real, right?”

“To their precious human, these little misunderstandings and coincidences felt more wonderful and joyous than anything else. And it was all from you— it was a happiness no one else could have but you.”

“Amazing, isn’t it? Despite it all, we can obtain such irreversible joy from merely loving another— no matter who or what it is. This one-of-a-kind love can’t be described as anything but mesmerizingly strong. It's powerful enough to change life itself.”

“And wasn’t it worth it to cling onto that kind of joy like a child no matter what? To believe in such immature things and to experience the joy of loving childishly?”

“Isn’t it wonderful to have loved a creature in such a beautiful way?”

Through the window of the small house, Luo Binghe saw the sun begin to set behind the horizon. He had to go to work tomorrow morning. He should be heading back home now.

“Yeah.” Luo Binghe smiled. “Yeah. It was extraordinary.”

“Mhmm…”

“...”

“...”

“...”

“In any case… My Lord, I need to carry out my chores. So if you’re busy, can you please see yourself out?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go.”

But before Luo Binghe, who was still in a daze, could exit the house. He turned back once more to the young cat-man.

He asked a question.

“What is your name?”

“Mhmm? Oh. I changed my name to fit in. It’s now Shen Yuan.”

“Oh… Okay. My name is Luo Binghe.

“I know.”

“Of course. Anyway, Goodbye, Shen Yuan.”

“Yeah… Goodbye, Luo Binghe.”

—---------------------------------

That day, Luo Binghe didn’t fly back to his Palace. He was too stunned to do such a thing. Instead, he walked and began the long and tedious trek back home.

His mind was racing, yet it was also blank.

He walked back in silence.

I wonder… Should I visit Shen Yuan again when I feel sounder?

The dirt crunched under his feet. The leaves fluttered and made a noise so similar to sad rain.

The kittens that I’ve raised… The kittens that have died… I don’t think I can ever forget such troublesome and terrorizing creatures.

The sounds of the leaves seemed to disguise the coming of droplets of rain. The night began to be blanketed with a piercing shower of water.

Those kittens were really too spoiled by me. But I’m sure they only cuddled up to me because I always overfed them with food and treats.

The cold rain felt cool on his skin— calming the burning fire of anguished rage within his chest. He wondered if this sorrowful rain would ever go away. He hoped that it wouldn’t.

But still, I loved them more than anything. I loved them more than myself. And that feeling… the happiness I obtained simply by loving something else…

Luo Binghe looked up at the sky and let the water blur his vision. He wondered if this was enough to overcome this feeling of despair— the feeling of having work tomorrow, of being forced to move on. No. He was sure this was enough.

They were just animals, yes, but through this despair— perhaps because of this sadness— he could find dazzling evidence of such a precious and rare love for another.

It was a love that overwhelmed him with more happiness than he could ever comprehend— so much so his life was changed forever.

He was sure it was enough.

The act of loving you was more beautiful than I could imagine. No matter what, I don’t think I will forget such a thing.

So, my precious kittens who I’ve raised from birth, no matter where you go or who you become…

You will be loved for longer than you will remember.